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Never Alone Live
Never Alone Live is a podcast dedicated to recovery, healing, and honest conversations about addiction and mental health.
Each episode features real stories from individuals in recovery, family members, and professionals who understand the challenges and the hope that recovery brings.
Recovery is not something anyone should face alone. This podcast exists to remind you that support is always possible, healing is real, and change happens every day.
Never Alone Live
Outside Help, Inside Healing | Amanda Holla
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In this episode of Never Alone Live, we’re joined by Amanda Holla for a deeply personal conversation titled Outside Help, Inside Healing.
Amanda shares her powerful journey through addiction and recovery, opening up about the moments when it felt like everyone around her was choosing a different path. Instead of following, she made the courageous decision to stay committed to her recovery, no matter how isolating it felt.
Amanda’s story is a moving reminder that even when you feel alone, choosing yourself can change everything.
Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to Never Alone Live. We are very excited today. Today we have our friend Amanda Crossley is here with us today, and she's gonna be sharing her experience, strength, and hope. We're gonna have ask her some questions, we're gonna have some fun. Amanda, how are you today?
SPEAKER_04I'm good. It's a great day to be sober.
SPEAKER_01It's lovely to uh to have you on here. Where are you from?
SPEAKER_04I am originally from New Jersey, so you will hear it when I start to talk, and I'm gonna be using my hands a lot.
SPEAKER_00Okay, we're gonna be talking all day long. This is gonna be phenomenal. We don't even know. Um, so uh how long have you been sober?
SPEAKER_04I've been sober for 11 years. So my sobriety date is September 10th, 2014. So last month I just took uh 11 years, and I live in Orange County, California now, too, by the way. I got California now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Nice, love that. Love, I love California, and we've got a lot of people, a lot of friends from California who are gonna be on here. So um, so tell us your story, Amanda. Tell us uh tell us about Amanda.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so how I got here, because it wasn't all, you know, my I wasn't winning at length to make it to where I am now, but originally from New Jersey, I have two sisters who are also alcoholics. I am the middle child. My parents, you know, are have been married for 36 years. I had a good childhood. I tell you all this stuff because nothing dramatic happened in my childhood to make me an alcoholic. I had a I had a good childhood and I played a lot of sports, mom had dinner on the table, you know. I don't come from money, but we had mostly like everything that we needed, right? And I in high school, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I was popular, got good grades, um, you know, was on the homecoming court, everything was good. I drank, but it wasn't my experience, isn't that I, you know, a lot of people, you know, their first sip of alcohol and they were just like, huh, and they arrived. That's not my story. I um re- I drank, but it was just like kind of like whatever to me. Both of my sisters started to get loaded at a very young age, and I resented both of them, and I said I never wanted to be like either one of them. I thought I was a very judgmental person when it came to alcoholism and addiction. I again watched my sisters use drugs and drink, and I remember my little sister was 12 years old, she smoked a cigarette, and I was like, ew, you're disgusting. You know, like that's how I was like it just like grossed me out, and they had a really like tight relationship and they bonded, like you know, over their addiction, and all eyes were on my sisters with my parents, and I was just kind of like getting like just everything was like good with me, you know. I but what happened was I graduated high school and I met him, the love of my life, you know, and that's I started to party a lot more, but life was like very manageable because I just started going to community college, I just bought like a new car for myself. I was working, and here's the kicker. I had a really good job at the time, I was working in a pharmacy, so um, and since I started partying more, and I then I got introduced to drugs pretty much from through him, and that is the moment that I knew like I arrived, right? I I took I snorted back in the day, it was just you know, per cassette. I with a friend, I split it with a friend, snorted it, threw up, and then I was like, should we get another one? You know, and that's pretty much where my addiction took off, and it just worked out that I worked in a pharmacy, and that became my get down for a very long time. I started to steal pills from the pharmacy, and I know like we're very like smart, trustworthy people, right? And I pretty much I did the inventory, right? Like they like trusted me, and I was just stealing pills, and I was filling prescriptions for my friends, and they were like, and we're like going halves on it, and like um, yeah, and at this point, while I'm doing that, and I like still going to school, have the boyfriend, the car, like the car still making car payments, um, living with my parents. Both of my sisters have been to rehab at this point. Um, you know, but like I'm better then because they are shooting heroin, and I would never do that, right? And I mean, I I knew at like one point I was physically addicted to you know pills, but I didn't I had no idea about anything about this disease of you know alcoholism. Like I hadn't I had no idea. So uh one day, this lasted like a while. One day I went to work and I saw the the manager standing by the time clock, and and I knew like I was cold, right? But in that moment, it wasn't like oh my god, I'm so sorry, like I have a problem. My first thought was, how am I gonna get high stay? That's it, that's all I was thinking about. And from there, when I I walked out of there, I did not get arrested. Um, I did it in a very sneaky way that couldn't really like it. It's just it was crazy. I did not get arrested, but that is the first day I did heroin. And from there, it just turned into an endless cycle of misery, a lot of chaos. And I went to rehab two weeks later after I got fired, but only because I thought like I they were gonna press charges against me. I didn't know what was gonna happen, so I just went, I'm like, let me go to rehab. And when I told my parents, they were shocked again. All eyes were on like my sisters, and the focus was on them. So they were so shocked that like I needed to go to treatment, and I went to treatment, and what did I do? I compared myself to everybody. There was a lot of crazy, you know, people in there, and all the things that they were doing, I was not doing. I was like, whoa, I just needed a quick detox, so let me get out of here. I lasted 14 days, got out and got high immediately. And then my next journey was okay, New Jersey is the problem. Let me get out of New Jersey, and I went to Florida because at that point my older sister was in a halfway house out there. Let's get an apartment out there. Again, don't come for money. My dad helped us like get an apartment. We had each had a bed, a couch, a TV, and again, I didn't have this tight relationship with my sister, right? Because I was just like, ew, to both of them. Within two months out there, I started getting high with my older sister. We sold everything in that apartment. We were sleeping on an air mattress that had a hole in it, and we would just wake up in the morning and be on the ground, you know, and then at that point I realized, okay, my sister's crazy, she's the problem. Let me go back to Jersey. So, like, there's here's this like victim mentality of it's everyone else's fault, right? I'm sure you guys can relate to that. It was just like all these circumstances, like I just said, like, oh, if I would have grew up with money, like my life wouldn't be like this, and oh, if my sister's gonna do this, like it was just my parents did this, and if I didn't meet that boyfriend, like it was always everybody else's fault.
SPEAKER_01I think we all have that person, those people in our life that were worse than us.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01How could you call me that bad? I'm not that bad. Look at this person, that's the person that is is you should be looking at. Those are the troubles. And you know, I I'm I'm loving your story, the powerlessness, you know, the yet. I will never do that. I will never do that, and then here we are doing it, you know. That's uh that's uh that's the that's the ism, right? That's how we keep going down. Those things that we never said we would never do. Krista, what were you never gonna do that you wound up doing? Um gosh. Oh yeah, I like putting Krista on the spot.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh. Like, I haven't thought about that. Thank you. Sorry. Messy miracles. Uh let's see. Um, like certain certain drugs I did that I didn't think I'd ever do. Um at the very end, like the guy was saying, like, I didn't think I'd be with somebody who used syringes or, you know, like any of that. I was so naive, and I can relate a lot to your story, Amanda, because I come from like the same family, like almost to a T. Um, but I'm the only sober one to this day. But my little sisters got me doing things, and but she she got out of it. I took it to a whole nother level. Um but I never saw myself with 12 felonies and getting arrested over and over and over and over again. And um, I just kept doing it. I kept getting out, and my parents, they didn't think they didn't know they were enabling me, but I was being enabled. Like they just thought I was just like hanging with the wrong crowd, but it was actually something inside of me.
SPEAKER_01And yeah. You know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, my family's very lucky to have me because I think I was your sisters, and they were I was the one that said, At least I'm not as bad as Johnny.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01All right, Amanda, so you're just so you're going back to Jersey.
SPEAKER_04Going back to Jersey now at this point, and by that point, my little sister now is back home because she went to Texas, got married to some guy in the military, started getting high out there, divorced, came back. So now she's home in Jersey. So what do I do? I start getting high with my little sister in New Jersey, and then I start doing things that I never thought that I would do. I'm hanging out with these people, I'm robbing houses, like that is like my becomes my get down. Um yeah, hanging out with some very strange characters. Because, you know, like you we can meet the craziest people in our addiction. It doesn't like matter, it's just as long as like I can get something from you, like that's all that really mattered to me, right? And um then my older sister comes back from Florida, you know, she blows her life up like out there. She comes back from Florida, and now all three of us are getting high in my parents' house. Um, and we don't have my dad took like all the doors off in the house because we couldn't even like go to the bathroom, close the door because he just like they couldn't trust us. It came to a point like where my dad's like going through our trash, right? I'll never forget it was another like day of chaos, screaming fights, like everything because um you know, my parents know that we're like getting high and they're disgusted by us. And we I come home and all the trash is on the kitchen table, and talking like baggies of heroin, like everything. And my dad, like, you know, he's just like and the first thing that I say is, ew, you went through my trash, you're disgusting. Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, what? There's like empty bags, like there's syringes and everything, and he's just thinking, like, so it was just chaos. Like, I'm fucking like holding my mom's purse, like cry, like she's crying. I'm like, give me your purse now. Like, I need like we need money, you know? And my dad's screaming, like, just stop, just stop. And I guess too. Yeah, and I swear to you that I I if I would have took a lot of tests right then and there, like, I would have okay, like I am, like I wanted to so bad, but like I just couldn't. And then and then it became the cycle of like me and my sisters, we don't have insurance, we don't have money in and out of like low bottom treatment, like quick detoxes, seven to fourteen days. But one of us will get out and the other are still getting high. And then here we go. That's when the cycle of like I'm we're constantly getting arrested and you know, going to jail. And then we start doing things, you know, like those, like what we just you just talked about, the things that you never thought that you would do, right, Krista? Is like, you know, I never thought that I would go as low to you know, put myself out there to, you know, here I am sleeping with guys to get money, you know, and that's not how I I was raised, you know, like I was disgusted with myself. I hated myself and like who I became because I was not supposed to be this person. I was like 25 at this point, right? And like I was supposed to have, you know, this this husband perfect husband and this perfect house with this perfect career. That's like this, like what I thought in my head, and it wasn't like it didn't work out like that. And then I tell you this part of my story because it's how my God works in my life, is that my dad was obsessed with Dr. Phil, and he would always like have him on the TV and like or like cut out like newspaper articles, remember newspapers, and like he would like leave them like on the kitchen table, like stuff like that. Yeah, because Dr. Phil talked a lot about like addiction, and you knew like when you went on there, like you would get sent to to treatment, right? Um, so I decided to write a letter to Dr. Phil one one night, another night of chaos. You wrote the letter. Yes, I wrote the letter. Yeah, I wrote the letter to Dr. Phil, and I just kind of like shared a day in the life in the Holloway house, right? My parents married, like they're constantly fighting because of us. Like, we're just causing chaos. Like, I I know people think like, Oh, why didn't your parents just kick you out? And it is like a it's just hard now that I have kids, I like start I think about all these things because I mean, I honestly my mom probably just won't rather us be high and she could see us than out there somewhere. Do you know what I'm saying? And like who knows? I think that's just like what it came down to, and like yeah, my mom was a huge like enabler. Um, my dad, I don't know, I think he was just put in a bad spot, right? Three junkie like daughters, like damn, you know. So um, but yeah, I'll never forget. I uh just my little sister just got out of jail, she just did like four months. I just got arrested, and like it just craziness, and I had a um this is two years later, mind you. So I wrote that letter actually when I was 23 years old to Dr. Phil, and then two years later, I got a call from the producers of Dr. Phil, and they said they wanted to do a show on addiction the following week. And basically, I like to like joke about it, but like the call basically went like, hey, like, are you guys still pieces of shit? It's like, yeah, matter of fact, we are. So like, let's do this. Yeah, so we it all happened very fast, and like the Dr. Phil sent out um one camera guy to come out to New Jersey, and he filmed us for two days. It's just a normal get down of us getting loaded, me and my sisters, and for us it was a full-time job, you know, like just the hustle of doing it, like to get money, and then we would like go, we would be going to Camden to cop dope, and just like it was just craziness, and he just followed us around, and then on September 7th, 2014, we flew to Hollywood and we filmed the Dr. Phil show on September 9th, 2014. So that's why my sobriety date is September 10th, 2014. Oh, yeah, I want to cry. Yeah, so we walked on stage September 9th, me and my sisters, my parents were already on there, and um, I'll never forget like you know, the big screens like behind yeah, like my parents sitting in the chairs on stage. All you see, like all I see is like a shooting heroin. And like, listen, I know our families know like what we'd like do, you know, but they don't actually ever like see you doing that, you know, or like the way we get money, like all the things, so it was like traumatic as well.
SPEAKER_02You know what I mean? Like seeing your parents watch that is a whole nother thing, too.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I was also high on the stage too. So, like, you know, like that also, and like it was just it was crazy. I don't know what we were thinking because I hid my like addiction for so long because like I just couldn't, I wasn't ready to accept like this is like who I am. My sisters were like fully out there, you know, but I was kind of trying to like still like you know live that double life and like try so hard to like just not be that person. So just like realizing that millions of people were gonna see this and like know the truth, you know, it was something so hard. I was terrified of that until like I actually you know got into treatment, they scholarship, we all went to treatment, we walked off set. I got in a limo and just they sent me to Orange County, California. Yeah, and so once I got into treatment and they introduced me, they took us to a meeting, they introduced us, you know, to a 12-step program, and like that's where like my recovery like journey really started, right? And I at that point I was so desperate. I was in treatment, this bougie treatment center, like with a chef, like everything with all these like young girls. I'm 25 at the time, like they're like 18, 19, like they come from a lot of money, you know, and I'm just like thinking to myself, like, where am I? But I was just like, you know what? I'm just willing and ready to do the do the work. And I got a sponsor, I started working steps, I got you know, a lot of commitments. I fellowshipped super hard. I didn't have a license, I didn't get my license till I was three years sober, by the way. Like, that's just so I would have to, you know, the guys know the feeling of like catching, like I would have to get rides with people that I wouldn't normally know, and then I'd be stuck with them going to the diner and like bowling all this stuff, and I was just like, you know, but like, dude, it's it plugged me in to like the community. I met so many people, and then I got this get well job, which I still work to this day at the latest thing, which is a recovery store in Costa Mesa, California, and that also really like helped. I met so many people, and then one day I I had four months sober, and I just got back to my sober living. I'm I get back and I'm in my twin-sized bed. I just peed in a cup for this little 18-year-old girl who was my house mom, right? I just worked all day, went to a meeting, had to, you know, cook myself like some frozen chicken in the freezer, and I'm just exhausted. But in that moment, I realized I did not think about getting voted all day, you know, like that makes me want to cry because it's like all I thought about all the time. Like, oh my god, like I can do it, you know. So, like four months sober and just like that feeling of like I'm just fully surrendering and like, yeah, dude, I don't have to live like that anymore. It's not at I'm I think I'm gonna be okay. Just that freedom, you know, and I know we like I've heard you guys say it like that happy, joyous, and free like feeling, right? And yeah, so and then but like that's what I'm saying, like it wasn't all it wasn't all great. That's just like you know, the beginning, but there's been there was a lot of a lot of Ups and downs. Six months sober. My little sister decided she wasn't gonna be sober anymore. You know, like a year sober. Uh the boyfriend that I had, he relapsed. The best friend relapsed. My other older sister decided this program wasn't for her anymore, and she wasn't gonna be sober anymore. You know, like I just watched all these people like around me. But like one thing that stayed consistent with me was I continued to go to a meeting every single day. I had I, you know, from working the steps, I gained this like connection with the higher power. And I truly, like, you know what I mean, just like like let go of like, you know, like I was able to see my part in so many things and um truly like surrender and just continue to like help others. I started sponsoring women that was not like of me because I'm super selfish and only think about myself and you know, and then also thinking, what do I have to offer to anybody? Right? Because I don't know, like if you guys can relate, like still to this day, because since we all have like a lot of time, you know, sober, if you can relate to like our head still tells us sometimes that like we're pieces of shit and like we don't deserve that, right? Yeah, so like I I feel like sometimes like you know, but that's me constantly like trying to like do the work and get out of myself to just remember, like, oh yeah, this is why I do this. I do have something to offer. Yeah, and that key thing of me trying to hide it for so long. Now, like if I can millions of people saw the Dr. Bill show, like if it helped one person, which it did, I went back on the show three times to talk to like other, you know, added families. So, like that was like you know, a thing, and then it became for me to share my story now because my sobriety, my recovery is my superpower, right? Like, it's just something I hold near and dear to me, and it means everything to me. And I feel like it's such a great thing that all the struggles that we have all been through, it made us who we are today. And like I would say you guys are pretty freaking great, you know, like we all are. Yeah, it we have a little spice, a little season.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Ready? I want to talk about Amanda. You know, you you you brought at four months you woke up and said, Oh my goodness, I don't I didn't have the desire today, you know. That's sticking around until the miracle happens. You know, that's like the definition of it. Sticking around till the miracle happens. The miracle happens is that day that I wake up and it's like, whoa, I didn't even realize it. I didn't, I was, I can't imagine. I don't remember my day exactly when that happened, but it happened. And the day that I woke up and wasn't thinking about alcohol, wasn't thinking about drugs, wasn't thinking about using. I was actually thinking just normal, regular thoughts. What? Normal, regular thoughts, a normal person. Oh my goodness, you know, and so that's amazing. And I've got a bunch of questions. Four months for me too. I got a bunch of questions I was gonna ask you, Krista. When was your when did the miracle happen for you?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I say I've been saying it for like it's always been four months. Well, my program was four months, but I went to jail for a month before rehab, so it was I was almost finished. I had an end in sight, I was just finished like getting to step 12, and I had a sponsor, and I just I can relate so much with what because I mean, was that the first time you ever went to rehab, like a real rehab, and worked the steps? Yeah, so it you technically are like a one-chip wonder because I mean you did detox and stuff, but you weren't working like trying to program, you know, but you applied yourself and you did what it said, you followed the directions, and um I would my rehab, I just remember being in rehab going, Oh my gosh, like I don't ever want to live that way anymore. Like I'm gonna be okay, and this is cool, and I can't wait to tell everyone about what I've learned here. And I was so excited to go home. But four months is my like my I call it my sweet spot. It's when it like I I the miracle did start to happen, and the promises started rolling in.
SPEAKER_01It's it's amazing because so I've got a question. Uh, I want to talk about the Dr. Phil show a bit, not a lot, uh, because the Dr. Phil show kind of gave you the gift of desperation, hearing yourself talk about these things, seeing the reaction on mom's face, yada yada, etc. etc. That had to have been so so painful that that gave you that gift of desperation that let you go and do the steps and do things that are new. And I love that, and I'm I'm proud of you about it. But I want to ask, you know, so you're on Dr. Phil, uh, you got this letter, and uh they got the letter, they put you on the show. You know, what did Dr. Phil say to you that actually pushed you to that next step? Did he say anything to you that pushed you to that next step, or was it kind of just being there?
SPEAKER_04I think it was just being there and be like honestly, like again, like I was loaded. I've only watched the show ever in my life, like twice. Um, and he I do remember like the audience like clapping when he would say something like me, like, you know, oh you guys, like you brought, you know, your drugs here in your suitcase, or like, oh, you were driving around on my roads high, like, you know, like things like but he didn't say like anything profound to me. Like basically, like, I just knew I was getting free treatment. And like, there's like gonna be a lot of people out there, there's a lot of people out there that don't have money, don't have insurance. They, you know, and you kind of feel stuck. I felt stuck high for a long time, and I wasn't even getting high. I was just getting like I was do I was getting loaded to feel normal, right? Just to wake up and be able to brush my hair or anything, you know, like I needed to get high. So he it wasn't anything that like he said, you know, it was just the the the treatment that I was getting. Because then after that, it was just the kickstart, like you said, Johnny. Like that got me the treatment. That treatment introduced me to you know my toll set program, and that's where the recovery really like started. So basically, I used Dr. Phil for free treatment.
SPEAKER_02That's like you know, we had a plan in place for you though, like a plan to offer you, like, here, take this.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there were three treatment center owners like out in the audience, and he was just like, Yeah, like okay, Amanda, you're gonna go here, and Allen, you're gonna go here, and Tiffany, you're gonna go there. And like, I mean, it was like truly like I have a lot of like God moments, like how I got picked to go to this one treatment center, like the treatment center I went to was all women's treatment center. That woman who owned it, she scholarshipped me for 14 months straight. You know, my sisters didn't get that. My little sister got like two months, my older sister got like three months, she scholarshipped me for 14 months. I was able to work and save money, like so, like, you know, like I'm forever grateful for that woman, you know, because by the way, Dr. Phil doesn't like pay, it's free app marketing for those treatment centers, right? But it's up to the treatment center, the owner, how much they want to scholarship you and like everything like that. So that's just like, yeah, for me to go to that one and for it all work out and like you know, but yeah, I don't know. I was loaded and he didn't really say anything that was fun, you know, and then yeah, that that's pretty much how that went.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so now, second question: if they had not read your letter, had they not invited you to the show, had they not done that, would you be where you are today?
SPEAKER_04No, absolutely not. I mean, back in the day when me and my sisters were getting high, it was just like good old heroin, you know, like nowadays.
SPEAKER_02Like it's well, the next year is when the bad stuff hit the streets.
SPEAKER_04Yes, the next year, like fentanyl, boom, like you know, I truly believe one of us would have been dead, you know. I I have no idea where I I would be, you know, and also now out there in the East Coast where I was getting high, like it's the xylozine and people are losing limbs and stuff. Like I trip out thinking like that would have that could have been me, you know. Um I have no idea that it's crazy and a scary thought to think about, but sometimes I do think about that. If the the show didn't like you know happen, like where would I where would I be today? I truly believe one me or one of my sisters like wouldn't be here though, for sure.
SPEAKER_01That's amazing. So grateful for Dr. Phil. So Dr. Phil, if you're listening out there, we're grateful for you for for calling Amanda, and that's that's so cool, you know. Uh and that's uh your bottom was uh winding up on Dr. Phil, you know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, you even wrote the letter, like that's huge too. I mean, there was desperation then you were calling for help, and that's a lot of people and got something from it just watching it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I've got I've gotten so many like messages online, everything. Oh, I remember you, I've seen the show, and like, whoa, I was wondering where you guys were, and just like you know, and just seeing it, like, wow, that's like crazy, you know. But yeah, and like a lot of people also for my parents, like I grew up in a small town, it was like that we were the talk of the town, right? And that aired, and my parents were like, We all are going to like treatment at different states, and we're like getting help. We need my parents are stuck in that town, you know, like having to leave their house and just like be like they're left with the mess, yeah. Yeah, you know, and like they felt that, but then now, like years like later, like, you know how many people have gone to my parents to be like, Hey, my kid is going through this, like, you know, so now they have that gift as well of like it's just out in the open and they can like help people, right? Also, a good thing news to share with you is that my sisters had both struggled in the last like 11 years. They have not like full like been sober this whole time, but both of my sisters are currently sober, they both have 10 months sober. So yeah, so that's like it's super super cool that you know that they get to they're like you know, doing now. They don't do what I do, they don't work like the same program that I do, but I'm truly like whatever like works for them. I didn't always used to be like that. Um but seven almost seven years ago, um my I'm big on like also talking about like it doesn't matter like the substance that you use, like you know, the drink, the drug, like whatever it is, because I also thought like that, like oh, like I'm not shooting heroin, like and then I went out and did that, you know, like or I'm not smoking that person's crazy, like all these things. But almost seven years ago, my um sister-in-law, so like she was like one of like my best friends. She compared herself to me and her brother, because my husband in law is also sober. We also like we, you know, both got arrested lots of times, like, you know, in and out of like, you know, just like being the withdrawals, all the things, robbing, stealing, like everything. She compared herself to us, and she couldn't admit that she was like one of us because you know, she would drink, blackout, get crazy, all the things, and um she ended up killing herself in a blackout. Yeah. So like I and like I would do anything to have her, and we and I was mad at her at the time because we tried to, you know, get her like to go to treatment and to like, I'm like, you know, get the help you need. Like everything went out the window. All that I knew that I can't like make anyone get sober, everything went out the window. So, like me and my husband were like upset with her that she wouldn't get help and everything when this all happened, and yeah, so like I would do anything to like have her here today, like, you know, like it's just yeah, so just big on like talking about doesn't matter like what you did, it's like the the feeling behind it and the reason, you know. So um, yeah, that was just super hard to to go through.
SPEAKER_01It's um Amanda, I'm telling you, your story's amazing, and I'm uh I'm like I said, I'm so proud of you. And I'm gonna jump over, I'm gonna jump over into our comments real quick because uh we got a bunch of friends over here that are uh making them done. Everybody is uh is kind of loving your story. Uh our friend Tiffany, who's been here every single Never Alone Live we've done. Tiffany's in here, she's from Canada, and we love you, Tiffany. And uh Drew, Drew is in here, uh, and he left this message a while ago, but uh he's got three years sober yesterday. So, Drew, dude, we're so proud of you. If you celebrate something in the comments, let us know. Because if you're celebrating, we're celebrating, we love you. And uh, you know, and then it was funny. So, right before you were telling us like an update about your sisters, our friend Brandy said, We're sisters now. They are into your story and they are ingrained, they want to know what happened next. Um, so uh thank you everybody for being here. And uh, if you are celebrating something, let us know so we can give you a shout out. Um, but uh okay, so now you've been on Dr. Phil, you've been on multiple times, you know. What else do you do? I know you have a big social media following. Um, and you know, just like Krista and I, you know, we're out here, you know, recovering out loud, and you know, the anytime we can help anybody, you know, we go on TikTok every morning and talk to a lot of people. So it's uh it's it's awesome. Talk to me about your social media presence, what you do, how you get your message out there.
SPEAKER_04So I I share a lot, you know, about like my story and just like kind of the struggles because I feel like it's like important to like talk about that, you know, you get sober and not everything is super perfect, right? And I I'm a mom, you know, a wife, like I have two little kids. So just the struggle of like, you know, being a mom and like being sober, like I don't get to we don't like get to, you know, at night like drink the wine, you know, to calm down, you know, or Papa's DNX to chill out, right? You know, so like I just like you know, very open and talk about um my sobriety and have connected with a lot of people. I've I actually have two sponsees, I call them like Instagram like sponsies, because they've messaged me and asked me to like sponsor them. So I, you know, I'm always willing to we FaceTime and do like the work, right? And then I also have a group of girls. We are called the Sober Girl Group Chat, and we it's it's nine of us. We all connected and we have our own chat. It was just like a way for all of us to we live all across the country, we don't live in the same places. We connected, um, you know, just kind of being there for each other, and we started a Facebook group actually in June. It has grown to 8,000 women in there who can all like support each other. Yes, you are in there, so we can all like you know support each other um constantly. We, you know, we do a lot of like events and um you know panels and constantly just trying to like show our main thing, and like there's oh yeah, there's like the shirt back there, the sober girl group chat. Um we always like we try to just like make it like to show that sobriety like recovery is fun, you know, because I think a lot of people think that that like you're gonna get sober and then like honey, like your life is over. So that's one thing I like showcased on my um platform is that you know I do a lot of fun things, and I liked how you talked about Johnny, how you had like these normal thoughts that you know, like one day, right? And that's what like people are like, oh, so like what do you guys do? What do you do for fun? And I'm like, I say, I do everything that you do, I just don't drink, and their mind is blown. Do you know what I mean? Like, I literally can do whatever I want, yeah, you know, but I just and you save money while doing it too. Yeah, like I do a lot of things, I have a lot of fun, you know, and so just showcasing that, like, you know, sobriety like is fun, and that again, big huge thing that you're never alone, you know. That's why, like, this, like it just means like in what you guys do, it's so powerful, and like how you guys just are on live every day. Like, do you know how much that means to people? You know, like that's just like so, like, in that just showcasing that you like you're never alone, but yeah, and just anybody's always welcome to like reach out. I get a lot of messages and just try to constantly just you know help like whoever I've gotten people into treatment before. Um, yeah, it's just I'm just willing and just to show people that you're not alone and to recover out loud, you know. It's just a big thing of mine.
SPEAKER_01That's great. So we uh we just posted Amanda's um Instagram and Facebook and TikTok and all that stuff in the comments. Amanda Holla and uh that's uh that's the New Jersey in you right there. Do people uh talk about your accent because you're in Orange County?
SPEAKER_04Oh, yeah, all the time because I say like I don't even uh hear it, but I say yeah, and people I literally have a hat like that says yeah, like people are just like, Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Is your husband wait? Is your husband from New Jersey too?
SPEAKER_04He's from Philly, but he's like in sales and like homie, like his accent's not there, like he can like just like like he it's not really like there, yeah. But yeah, mine's definitely, and I was just home in Jersey, so it's probably a little extra.
SPEAKER_02So pick back up a little bit, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Got a little quicker, got a little quicker. So today we uh get to give away a free hat as well. So you see me rocking my uh sober uh period hat, our buddy Mike uh from soberhats.com. Uh, you know, he let he uh he lets us give away some free stuff every now and then. It's my favorite thing uh is giving away free stuff, especially giving away Mike's free stuff. Um so uh we're gonna give away a free hat today. The first person to email Mike. Uh, we're gonna put Mike's email in the comments. It's soberhats at gmail.com. And the first person to send Mike an email, soberhats at gmail.com, that says Amanda is the coolest. First person to say Amanda is the coolest to Mike's email gets a a hat. Uh Mike has got I might with texting with Mike right now. I'll see who wins and we'll be able to announce it in a second. First person to say Amanda is the best to soberhats at gmail.com. Mike's in the comments right now. He said, stay tuned. So Mike will announce it. It's awesome. Uh but uh, you know, dude, this has been so great today.
SPEAKER_02And such a powerful story. And I you've just been such an inspiration on me one like wanting to share my story louder and louder. And I've been following you for a while, and you are I you are I think you're funny, and I love that you bring like humor to you know, but you're serious, you could be serious too, but and I could tell that you you're doing all the right the next right thing, and you're like staying involved is like the biggest thing with people, and that you're there for people, and a lot of people say they will be there for you, like in the times before we got sober and stuff, but like that's what you find in recovery. Like these people say they're gonna do it, they do what they say they're gonna do, and that's huge.
SPEAKER_01You know, the book tells us so many things that you just hit on. Uh, a we are not a glum lot, we are not a glum lot. We are if I went to my first meeting and I didn't see these people laughing and cutting up and cackling and all that stuff. Well, what we are a program of attraction, not promotion. So I was attracted to that. Uh, that and they could pay bills and smelled nice. Those were good things.
SPEAKER_02I love to hear his story. It's good.
SPEAKER_01But uh it was, and we all you also said that we and the book tells me that once I'm spiritually fit, I can do anything. And you know, going online and showing our not only our wins, but our losses, and showing that we can stay sober while we're losing, you know. Life is gonna life, and that's the best thing about the the the recover out loud, you know, is people are living and they're showing by example that you can stay sober. Life is gonna life, it's gonna be hard, but I don't have to drink about it today, I don't have to use about it today. Today, that's not the solution. Today, this is the solution. Coming in here, talking and And sharing this is where it is. So that's you know, I'm I'm I love what you're doing, especially uh helping other women and having your women's group and having events and you know, and just showing each other love and support. It's the best. Um, and you're I'm gonna your your best statement that you've shared, and this is one we've talked about it. Recovery is my superpower. I want to dive into that. I want to hear more about this. Recovery is my superpower, yeah.
SPEAKER_04So I feel like you know, it's before I would look at it like, oh, like, oh my god, like, oh, we have I have to do all these things and blah blah blah. But the reality of it is like I'm so grateful that like I get to do all these things. I think because we went through all these struggles, you know, it makes me see things with a new pair of glasses. I have a new perspective on life, right? I'm able to be way more grateful for things around me that and like still to this day, I'm just like driving in my car, you know, because I have a license and everything, and like a car, and I'm like looking outside and I see the palm trees. Like it's just like I have this this new look on life, and I really feel like you know, all the struggles, my whole addiction, and then like recovery and like the steps and you know, helping others and all those things that I do, like that makes me this like a super, like you know, human person because like it's just like it, I like I said, it just like we're we're we have like more like season a little spice on us now. Like we just get to like you know, so I feel like it's it just made me who I am today, so it's definitely like my superpower.
SPEAKER_01I love everything about that. Uh Krista, how is recovery your superpower?
SPEAKER_02I can agree with everything you just said, but also, I mean, we're doing more than most of the world right now. A lot of people won't even admit it, or they do and they manipulate the whole recovery system, and then they're back out there, and um just that we're actually like that it does work and we're doing what it says, and we're in the solution, and we're not taking our will back and twisting little rules this way because it didn't work for us. Like we're we're we're follow, we're finally following the rules and living the best life we can because of it. And I love that we all have a past. I mean, it almost makes us unapologetic. Like we can just I mean, you're not gonna hurt my feelings. I've I you know, I used to do all this stuff, you know. I was facing serious time in prison, and like, you know, like you're not gonna hurt my feelings, and I think also being able to turn that pain into purpose and like help somebody, like seeing someone the light come back in someone's eyes is like the the coolest thing ever. And I love that you said we get to, because we talked about that this morning. Like, you don't need to, you get to, and it is a choice, and we choose to live and be better, and it creates this bond too. We all have we're you know, like we probably would not have ever met if we didn't have this, and we're actually really cool people and funny.
SPEAKER_01No, they I I love this. Uh, recovery is my superpower. I mean, this is this should we should get t-shirts, uh because it is, you know, and it's the we have we all have pasts, we all have trauma, we all have things that we've that we wanted to bury forever and never tell anyone, right? And when I have the courage to do the steps and go out and and look at my past, and my past, once I once I get a grip on it and get that spiritual fitness, my past is my greatest asset to share with others and and help them, you know, the same stuff that you shared with us today that you went through, that you courageously were vulnerable enough to talk about today, the stuff that you said today, somebody could be in the comments or see this video later and be going through the same thing and living with trauma and living with a head that says, I'm worthless, and you're not worthless, and you're not alone, because you know, we're we're all living proof of you can do it, you know. You just have to write Dr. Phil a letter.
SPEAKER_02My mom's my mom's a huge Dr. Phil fan, like that's always playing in the background. So I'm sure we would have ended up there if I didn't get that's so funny. Get arrested.
SPEAKER_01You know what? I'm gonna, I'm gonna, so uh Mike gave away a free hat. I'm gonna buy a free hat. I'm gonna buy a hat for somebody. Uh so we're gonna give away a second hat. I'm gonna buy it. The first person to email Mike. Mike, are you still with us? Mike, you still here? Uh, first person to email Mike that says, Recovery is my superpower. So Kelly won the first hat, and we're gonna give away a second hat. Recovery is my superpower. The first person to email Mike at um soberhats at gmail.com. First person to email him, recovery is my superpower, gets a second hat on me. Um, and I love this. I love this. I'm stoked and uh and I'm so glad that you uh that you came here and that you've shared your story. What message do you want to give the world? What message is it that you want to share?
SPEAKER_04That you know, anything is possible because again, you know, who writes a letter to Dr. Phil and actually goes on there and gets like sober, right? And then like all these other things that happened in my life, everything I thought that wasn't gonna work out, you know what I mean? And and now like what I I have today, like anything is possible, and like this the people that I have met that I it's just like crazy how life truly works out. So, and just also to say, like you aren't alone, you know, reach out to somebody again. I I have sponsees that were like, you know, from social media that were just reached out, like who would have like thought that would happen? Call, like just get honest with somebody, you know, again, get honest with somebody. I hid it for a long time, you know, and just get honest, like with at least one person, you know, and just you are worth it, I promise. Yeah, you know, there's somebody out there that would be willing to hear what you're going through. So, yes.
SPEAKER_01That's tremendous. Uh uh Christa, what's the what Krista? What's the best thing you heard today?
SPEAKER_02Say that again.
SPEAKER_01What's the best thing you heard today?
SPEAKER_02The best thing I heard today. Um tell get honest with somebody. I like that you said that. It's it's true, and it says it in that big blue book I read, and it's tell one person and God. Um, but you have to get honest, and and we lie to ourselves, we buy our own lies at full price. Sometimes we pay double, and we need to say it out loud and admit it. That's there's your step one, and um that's powerful stuff. And you were such this was such this is probably the best live we've had. I say that every week, but this is like this was good. I didn't want the time to end. I wanted to hear more and more and more. So this is powerful stuff.
SPEAKER_01It it really is, and I'm proud of myself. I haven't done my New York accent one time, I don't think. I've held back, you know, because uh, you know, but uh it's been difficult. But uh, you know, I just wanna I want to thank everybody for uh for being here. Mike, who won the uh second hat? Let us know uh uh in the next 30 seconds because we're gonna be cutting off. But uh this has been great. Thank you everybody for tuning in. Everybody go follow Amanda at Amanda Hala. And uh that's uh it's awesome. And check the comments later because uh they'll be uh the winner of the second hat in there. Uh Krista, thank you very much. Amanda, thank you so much for being here with us and sharing your story. Uh, love you, and we're all gonna follow you.
SPEAKER_04Thank you so much. I appreciate you.
SPEAKER_01Amazing, amazing, amazing. All right, everybody, see you next week.