What It Really Looks Like to Live Recovery Out Loud | Brent DeWire

In this episode of Never Alone Live, we sit down with recovery advocate Brent DeWire for a powerful conversation about addiction, trauma, healing, and what it truly means to live recovery out loud.

Brent shares his journey through 32 years of active addiction, including childhood trauma, the loss of his mother at a young age, substance use, incarceration, overdoses, and the challenges that kept him trapped in the cycle of addiction for decades. Today, with nearly eight years in recovery, Brent uses his story to encourage others to find hope, healing, and freedom.

Together, we discuss recovery programs, medication-assisted treatment (MAT), sponsorship, overcoming shame, facing the past, and why sharing our stories can help others find the courage to seek help.

This episode is a reminder that recovery is possible, healing is possible, and no one has to suffer in silence.

Never Alone Live shares real conversations about addiction, recovery, mental health, healing, and hope so that no one has to walk the journey alone.

Transcript

0:09

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to Never Alone Live. Uh, as usual, I'm Johnny, joined by Krista the sober Barbie, and today we have our special guest, Brent DeWire. What's up, my brother? How are you doing? I'm I'm blessed. How are you guys? We are phenomenal, man. And uh Brent is a friend from TikTok. Brent helps uh so many different people, and he is uh extremely encouraging. I can't wait to to for everyone to hear your story. Brent, tell us tell us a little bit about Brent, man. Brent, well, um I'm I was 32 years in active addiction. My addiction started way before I ever picked anything up. Um, I was six years old, lost my mother right after I lost my mother. I got I was essayed by a family member. Um and that started out my my not being comfortable in my own skin life life until I was like about 11, and then I found found drugs and and alcohol and and I moved on from there. Um life got better, then it got worse, but it never stopped using. Um and I did this for 32 years, 32 years active addiction. Today, today I'm blessed to have have almost eight years. On the 14th of July, I'll have eight years clean. Um, and my life has changed so much from what it has been in that 32-year period, you know, and all those things that disturbed me when I was younger. Um once I found a product a program and learned how to um deal with life, deal with all that stuff throughout those 32 years. And it's there's there's so many things, you know. I mean, the all the things they say that it can end in. Um I've hit them all multiple times, you know, jails, institution. Um, I've overdosed five times. Um, yeah, two of those times we're a week apart in the same hospital. Um, talk about some angry nurses at me, huh? Um, yeah. So I mean, yeah, life today in recovery is so much different than it's ever been my entire life. I'm blessed today to have eight years, almost eight years clean at 53 years old. And and my life is so much better because of people like Johnny and Krista and and people that paved the way for me, you know. It showed me how to get out of my way and do something about my problem. Well, let's back, let's back up. Uh, thank you, Brent. Dude, that's uh I'm telling you, I love listening to you. You're so inspirational and uh love everything about what you do. Let's back up. Let's uh let's uh let's talk about. I mean, this isn't TikTok, so we can talk about things kind of freely here. You know, we can say the word drug and uh oh my goodness. Uh what was your drug of choice, dude? What were you uh yes? Yes, my my preference, my preference was heroin. Um, and that was my that was my love, you know. I found that when I was 28 years old, and that started I quit, I I quit drinking um because I got a dui in a work truck back in Rhode Island. Um, I drove over Alexis, T-boned a Jeep, took out 120 foot of stake fence, went to jail, got out of jail, jumped on a greyhound, came to Tucson. I quit drinking, but I proceeded to get um high as pop as I possibly could for another 18 years on top of that. Um and that's until I went to prison and then I got out, stayed clean for two years. No, no, I stayed abstinent for two years until I had a good enough excuse to go back out. Um, then again in 2013 when I first came back to Arizona and I cleaned for about abstinent for about three and a half years, and then started going to the bar again, and and it was uh uh a blonde girl, big boobs and a bag of dope, right? Here I go run it again, you know. Um, so yeah, my my choice was was heroin, my DOC was yes. Yeah. All right, let's go back to the beginning. I know that, and then and I don't want to bring up uh two You're good. I'm free, I'm free to talk about anything I mentioned, anything you know about me. I am gladly talk about it because common denominators are why we recover out loud. And the the reason we do this specifically is so that we can tell our our truth, right? And you know, you can't you had a very, very traumatic experience as a young man. And then, you know, like like the rest of us, you know, other uh substances were put in front of you, be it alcohol, be it drugs, what have you. Um and you know, you you know, trauma-based uh addiction is is so common. And I think that more this is what we this is the awareness we need to put out there, the the prevention that we need to put out there. The reason we're here talking today, the three of us, is so that people can be aware. And I want to I want to hear your, you know. Okay, so you had this sexual assault when you were uh a boy, um, and then all of a sudden you get into your your adolescent years. Talk about that. Where did that where did it start? Let me let me let me start here. I was I was four years old. They took me away from my mother. When they took me away from my mother, it was because she was too sick, couldn't take care of us. The military told her she was a hypochondriac to go home. Next, the state comes and takes us. My sister's dad took her, my brother's dad took him. I stayed in state care in Utah for two years. My mother found out later on after she was pregnant again that she had full-blown cancer in both lungs. Um, there was nothing they could do about it. They gave her a choice the the baby in your belly or yourself. She took the child. But her her last wish was to get me back and to have me with her. She held out for that long. I spent the last week of her life on her hospital bed with her at six years old. After that, I was supposed to get flown back out to Utah and put back in state care. My grandmother said no. She took me, ran to New Mexico, um, got lawyers involved, ended up keeping me. In that same time that this was all going on, a family member was in the military, came back, sexually assaulted me, um, six years old. Not too dramatic, but dramatic enough, you know, that that that messed with uh how I felt about it. What did it do to my to my soul? What did it do to me? How did it make me feel? You know, it made me feel lesser than, or it there was all kinds of stuff running through my head back then, you know. And over the course of all this time of of using and and not wanting to deal with this stuff, like losing my mom at such a young age, getting assaulted. Um everything that I put myself through after that, I didn't have to worry about because I just numbed my feelings and stayed there for for a long time, you know. So it was those things that that I felt lessened um lessened who I was. You know, I didn't want to tell you about this. Hell, I couldn't, I didn't tell anybody about this until I hit recovery at 46 years old. No, no, no, 47. It I I hung out for a year and watched all you guys recover first, you know. I stayed, I listened, uh 90 and 90, no, 260 and 90 for two years straight, you know, and it took me doing that 260 and 90 for a year straight for me to get out of my way and do something about my problem, you know. So, so there's those things that don't define who I am. And does it lessen um the the person that I am or the type of man I am? Does it lessen my manhood? Absolutely not. You know, I got three kids. My kids got my son's 33, my daughter's 19 that I don't know because I was active addiction when she got pregnant, went to prison for three and a half years, found out the child was born at 19. I mean, find out three and a half years later that I had a child that I didn't sign, she got given away for adoption because her mother was active addiction. I'm in the process of looking for her. Hopefully, I find her. She's 19. And then I have my six-year-old, who you all know, you know, and I'm blessed, blessed. And I talk about this in front of my kids. My kid comes into my live and he's the backstory of what active addiction can do. And he and he shares about when he first started coming around, he was like, Oh, I don't want to say anything that's gonna hurt my feet, someone's feelings. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you got something to say about what my active addiction did to you, you need to tell people about it. If I feel some kind of way about it, I got that coming, you know, and he does, and he's comfortable doing it now. And you know what's funny is is my recovery helps him in his normal life because those things that that he struggles with and holds him back, he's able to come up and speak about it now, you know. So, so our recovery is not just helping the other addict, you know, our recovery, and that's why we recover out loud, because we recovery is not limited to I'm an addict or I'm an alcoholic or you know, because life on life terms that we are are able to deal with today are the same, same commonalities that normal people have, you know, that that struggle with, try to get through. So recovery isn't about drugs, it's not about alcohol, it's it's about life, you know, and and what's this? No, I mean, what the drugs are a symptom of our problem, anyways. What's it all have to do with that life shit that drives us crazy, right? Sorry about my mouth, my bad. No, no, no, Brent, dude. And this is this is why I was excited for you to come on here because I know your passion for your recovery, and your passion for your recovery is it emulate it's just like me and Krista. We love our recovery, and you know, I see I see a lot of people, they they don't understand addiction, right? They don't understand why someone don't understand why someone is doing math, they don't understand why someone is drinking, and it's our job to educate the normies of PTSD, and you know, the shit happens life, life, and then we have to, you know, we uh we numb our feelings. I love how you said that. We numb our feelings, and opiates are are that's what they do, you know. I don't know too many recreational heroin users, you know, but people here but people see this, right? They see someone on heroin and they say, Oh, he's just a junkie. You can't think of it like that. You have to play look at the past, look at the things that the person went through, and you know, if you felt what they felt, then you'd probably be doing heroin too, you know. And that's you know what people need to understand. And when we talk about what is we're doing here today, and we're putting this is awareness, this isn't necessarily for the the newcomer or the old timer or someone in recovery, this is for other people as well, you know, and and and then at the same time we want people to feel that they're not alone, you know. There's people out there that are suffering from PTSD and that are gonna be going through things and they stay in their shell for a long time and they don't come out of it, and they stay in addiction. And now with fentanyl, instead of just staying in addiction, they die, you know. And uh, so it's uh this this conversation is important, and I want I thank you so much for opening up and sharing with us uh about this stuff because I know it's hard. Um, you know, just anytime we're talking traumatic stuff, it's gonna be hard. Um but it's really not anymore. It's really not anymore, my brother. That's that's the important part. That's the important part. Crystal, what do you think about all this stuff? Well, you have um a story, and um I'm just I'm amazed. I love your passion, and um, I agree 100% about recoveries for everyone. It's not just for us. And the silver lining for us is we're over here facing our character defects and taking our own inventory and fixing our wrongs as they come. And I want everyone in the whole white world to do that, and I think we'd have a lot smoother um world right now if we did. Um, I you said earlier um about you you tried MAT uh in your later 20s. So that was what, like 20 some 20-something years ago. And was that like the I don't know when it came into play, but that's gotta be like the earlier years of it, right? Right. Right. And it and what what mine was, I mean, I've uh I've familiar with them all. Um my experience was methadone. Um and I that was that was a struggle because it didn't stop anything. I I used it um and I didn't stop using. I'd go dose in the morning, and after I left there, I'd go to my dude's house and I'd go get a half gram or a gram and and I'd do that also, you know. So it didn't stop anything. That one for me didn't. Um and I've seen that be a common denominator in so many things. Later on, um, whether it was prescribed or not, I had used because I because I was overfeeling like this. I didn't didn't want to feel like this anymore, you know, and the only way I could stop is get stopped. Um, so I put some effort into it and I'd stop for three days with some subox and I'd tear a little strip and put it in my mouth and and the stick was gone. It's it's an amazing tool. Um my program, my program says any and all, right? Um, and and there's an issue with that because um because you see it in there where you're pushing people out the rooms and stuff, and I don't like it. I don't like it. You know what I mean? Um, that's why my live has nothing to do with narcotics anonymous. My recovery is narcotics anonymous, my program is narcotics anonymous, but uh I don't want that, that's not the only way to recover, you know. There's uh there's people that stay clean for 40 years with with Jesus Christ, with with narcotics anonymous, with Alcoholics Anonymous, with CR. There's so many different ways that people do it. I want to hear how you're doing it. I want you to tell me how you're staying and how you're acting correctly, you know. Uh, but my my personal opinion with Matt is I believe it's a great tool for myself and for anybody. It's not a lifestyle. That's how I feel about it. Um, and and and my program too. I mean, if I have someone, um my I've I've got a family member right now that that's on Matt and has to be. Um, and it's keeping him safe. And he's trying to he's he's feeling some kind of way about it, but I'm saying nothing about it right at the moment. And he asked me to sponsor him because he can confide me, he can trust me, he can open up with me, he's not gonna have any problems. We I call him my nephew, his his dad is my brother. We were good friends back in Rhode Island. He lives here in Arizona now. He's my brother, you know. Um, and Andrew, I've known him since he was born. You know, the this kid is just chasing it right now, and it's great, so great to watch. But he's on math. It's a tool that he needs right now, you know. Uh, and and he's he has to, you know. Do you agree that um recovery, doing recovery alongside MAT is crucial? Because or some kind of therapy or recovery. Right. Therapy, um, working a program, something. And and in my program, we we want to we want to see if we can't um not not keep it for the rest of our life. I mean, there's people in the program in my program that did. They're seven, eight, nine, ten years still on subboxing. Am I gonna say I agree with that? I'll say absolutely not, you know. Um, but that's my program. I don't uh it's not there, it's it's theirs. I don't have to spy I I cannot sponsor someone that's planning on making it a life choice. You know, I want I can't because um it's like I said, it's to me, it's a tool. It's it's not a lifestyle. If I if I was gonna replace, I'm just gonna keep using. That's me. You know, they and when I got out of jail, I did I was 116 pounds when I went to jail, 2018. When I got out of jail, I was 152 pounds. I got out, put me in rehab, 30 days in rehab, and they came to me and they said, um, you need to go on this. I said, I don't need to go on this. I need to find a way to keep from going back to how I was before. I I don't have to use right now. So what would I have to go on this for? We're not we're not curbing the appetite because I got no appetite right now. I don't want to use, but I was 46 years old. I was over doing what I've done for 32 years. Um, so I was on a different page, you know what I mean? I I didn't want to use anymore. I just had to find, and and it wasn't that because it you put me on some method on what am I gonna do? That's not gonna keep me from using. I'm gonna go use anyways. You know what I mean? Um so Suboxing, it makes me not be able to. But but if I don't know how to stay clean and I don't and and I don't want to stay clean, is that Suboxing gonna do anything? Hell no. I'm gonna just not take it for a day and go use tomorrow, I promise you. So that's what I mean. It's it's a great tool to get that that it takes the sick out of sick when you're a when you're an opiate user. The sick, it's not there if you're using it correctly, you know? And if I had to go on that for three months or something and then figure out how to taper down and find something. So what you just said right there, Krista, is exactly what it is. Because you try to, oh, take some oxygen, I'm gonna get fixed. Yeah, good luck with that. Good luck with that, because you have to have a program, whether it be uh psychiatric, whether it be um, I don't want to say doctor, because they're gonna give you the Mac. Okay. Um it's narcotics anonymous, alcoholics anonymous. Um, if you're a normie, we have programs for that too. You know what I mean? Um yeah, because you're trying to, you're a normie, but you were prescribed and now you're now you're strung out. Guess what? You want a bus. You know, it's the same thing. You know what I mean? But um maybe you didn't go through the stuff we did, put ourselves through the stuff we did because because that was my life. That's I'm I'm gonna stay high, you know. So if I didn't have a program, if I didn't have narcotics anonymous and just took suboxin, guess what? Eight years I would not be at. I'd probably maybe, maybe an eight-year prison sentence. Yeah, you know, just with suboxin. Yeah, Matt, Matt is not your tier all fix-all. Here, live on this for the rest of your life and you're fixed. Bullshit. You know, you got to find something to how to deal with what the things we that we went through, the stuff that keeps us right here, you know. And it's that it's that essay when I was six, losing my mom when I was six, that that ex-wife that that uh she got pregnant and gave me, told me uh my kid's not having your last name unless you do. Okay, here. I throw a ring at her. You know what I mean? Um, and then that crashed and burned because I was a raging alcoholic. You know what I mean? It wasn't her that did it, it was me because I didn't know how to deal with anything, especially a wife. You know, I got three of those, three ex-wives. Um today I am married, I've been married for seven years, September 16th, and I have not had an argument one in the whole time I've been married, not once, not a crossword spoken. Is that possible? Is that possible? I still don't believe it. I'm telling you, never, never. My wife is, and it's the type of person she is, because I'm not. No, I'm a little, I mean, you get up in my face, I'm up in your face. You know what I mean? That's still me today. I have to apologize quite often for that, you know, because because my character defects come out, you know. I'm not perfect, I'm not fixed, I'm still working a program, will be for the rest of my life, you know. But my wife is just such an amazing, amazing woman. Yeah, amazing. I love that. I hope she's not down there and can hear me. She might be. If she is, I love her, and she knows it. You know, we've been we've been talking about Matt all month long, and there's uh there's such a negative connotation about any form of medically assisted treatment, and that comes more from. The normies and the programs, and you know, because and there's it's it's words, right? You know, people hear the word sober, and you're defined as abstinent from alcohol. They hear the word clean, they say that they're abstinent from any and all outside substances, and then you know the program says, okay, if you're doing these uh, you know, medically assisted treatments, you are aren't clean, you're not sober, you're not this, you're not that, and and we need to end the stigma, man. And everybody just needs to get along and forget all these words. The word is the only word that matters is recovery, and and there's a thousand different paths that lead to recovery. And what is it for one person to define another person? Stop playing God and just focus on your own recovery. Mind your business. Mind your business. My my wife, my wife, speaking of my wife, okay. We we got together. I had four months clean, she had four months clean. They said, Don't get into a relationship in the rehab you're in, right? Because I like ladies, right? So they said, Don't get in your I said, okay, cool. So I went I went to a meeting and I found I found a tick at the Haven, which is uh recovery house down this down the road, right? So I didn't go, I got out of my house and went somewhere else, right? But me and Casey got together, and I by the time we got out of rehab within a month and a half, she was pregnant. She had a miscarriage about two weeks later, she was pregnant again, right? That's my daughter. Um, we had to get away from each other. We had to get away from each other because Brent don't know how to act. I know how to act a fool, you know. And she's pregnant with my kid, and we're both early recovery. Real, real. Um, what do I say? You know, if you're looking for a girlfriend in early recovery or a boyfriend in early recovery, you're it's like going to Walmart and shopping at the dented can aisle, you know, and that's real. And that's real, you know. And her and I were dented together, and we had to get away from each other for four months. We got back together a couple months later, we got married. We had the had the baby, and I'm blessed today. But it took starting working a program, it took getting out of my way and doing something about my problem, learning how to set boundaries, learning how to talk to people, learning how to react to people, react. I hate that word, I don't use that word anymore. Um, because if if if I'm reacting to something you did, Johnny, or something you did, Krista, um, do I have any power in that situation? Or did I just give all that shit to you? I just gave it all to you. So if I'm reacting, you got all the power, right? I gave it all away. So so as long as I'm reacting in spiritual principles and not reacting to you in my own principles, I'm gonna be all right. So react is something I took I've taken out of my vocabulary and I hate when it comes out my mouth. So I have to correct it right there by saying that. And I do it every time now. But uh, but my wife was on mat. And once she got out and she started coming to the rooms and listening, and this is on her own, she decided that she didn't watch the boxing anymore, and and she just weaned herself off and she took herself off it and she didn't go back, she hasn't relapsed, and she took herself off. So that that was part of the program, part of the program. Not not me telling you because, you know, I mean, and that's where my boundaries come in with sponsees, and I've heard a couple of people's feelers, you know, because I don't have to work someone through 12 steps if they're if they're on mat. And I won't, you know, but that's my that's my boundary. We start here. We start here. I let you know this. Somebody else probably will, might. I will not, you know, you have to have a plan. If you don't have a plan, you're you can go find somebody else. So I'm not gonna condemn somebody for it, but my willingness to sponsor somebody through the 12 steps when they're plan on making it a lifestyle is is not gonna happen. That's me. That's me. Um, but I'm not gonna condemn somebody. I'm not gonna tell them they're not clean, you know, you're you're you're doing this your way, it's none of my business. But but I can't and won't, you know. Um my sponsor, my span sponsorship tree is is long and deep. I mean, I know my grand sponsor, I know his sponsor, and you know, we got a big, big recovery community here in Tucson, Arizona that's absolutely amazing, you know. But that's not that's not me. We have uh our meeting started during COVID and and they don't like people sharing that that use Matt and this and that, and I I don't agree with that, you know. Um, because that's between them and their sponsor, and that's that part, you know? It's between you and your sponsor. If your sponsor's willing to work you through the 12 steps and you're on Matt, or I see I'll work one, two, three, and then there has to be a plan. Has to be a plan. If there's not a plan, then but but without stuff getting going in that, and one, two, three are one's the most important one, right? But two and three are are right there. Four is when you're getting into you and the personal stuff and uh the why you do what you do, why you reacted to stuff the way you did, you know. Um and and I believe that by that point you you should be uh be able to be at a point in your recovery where you can learn how we do this with without anything, you know, without putting something else in the way of. And it took this program. If it wasn't, like I said, I'll say it again. If it wasn't for this program, I would still I would be in prison or still using. Um, and that even if they let me out and put me on Subox and put me on methadone, I would still use today if I had not found a program. So yes, absolutely. If you uh you want to stay clean, look at look around, look at how many people have years clean. And every single one of them did I meet, just about. I know a couple of them um that are 42 years clean and and still struggling through it. One of them actually just picked up a book recently. I'm so proud of her. Um, because she realized you see, you see, where we don't know how to deal with stuff, you know, and and my program's different than Johnny's program. And and Christian's another program, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure there's three different programs right here. And we don't ever have to use again. And we know this. We know this. But how I think the problem, Brent, is as a society, we're too hell bent on being the best. My program is the best. My program is better than your program because my program saved me, and my program saved my friend, and my program's better than this, and this and this. And we got to get out of that mindset, right? We got to get out of that mindset and look at the stats. AA has saved millions of people, NA has saved millions of people, Matt has saved millions of people, smart recovery has saved millions of people. Uh CR has saved millions of people. Why are we so hell-bent on fighting everybody? We that my book, my book tells me straight up we've ceased fighting everything and everyone. Let people go live, let people do what they do. And you know, you need the Matt program because you had traumatic experiences that led you to opiates that are you know the hardest thing to kick, and and and Matt can help you, and then you can develop a program with that. Why is that bad? I'm telling you, people need to people need to shut up. People need to shut up. Yeah, that's what I love about um what we're doing on TikTok. I mean, it takes away like we're stepping out of the program, but we're coming together with the case. We want to be better people, and we just want to love one another, and we love each other for hearing about the worst moments we've ever done. And um, I take something from everyone, like from all walks of life, and I think we're over there breaking the stigma. Because you're not, you're not, you're you're spitting your recovery, you're not spitting what your book says. I don't ever spit. I it drives me nuts when I go to a meeting and I see someone there spitting book at me. Please save that shit. You know, I can go home and read my book, you know. Tell me, tell me how you did it. It it wasn't because you sat down. Okay, okay, so you got to get out of yourself. Get out, you sit down and read your book. Great. What's it do to you? What did it say to you? What do you do with that information you took from it? Don't spit book to me. You know, I don't have a photograph of memory. I couldn't do it, but I can pick pick my book up and read it to you on TikTok. I promise you. You know, I ain't going to. I'm gonna spit this real shit, you know. I'm gonna spit how I stay where I'm at, how how none of this stuff holds me back today because I got out of my way and and read that book and put some work into myself, and you know, and that's what it's about. It's not about in your program, your program is not better or less than mine because because look at you clean, look at what you did. That wasn't narcotics anonymous, that was AA. That was it, it's totally different. Guess what? It fucking works if you work it, and it still works if you don't, it just works for someone else. Amen. That's all that matters. All right, let's uh let's I want to bring up a uh kind of a more fun subject because Matt's not it's controversial. We get we can beat that. Last week we had our our friend Benjamin Lerner on here, and dude, Benjamin is so smart and he knows the Matt program so well. If anybody wants more details about the Matt program and all the ins and outs and everything, just watch last week's episode. You're gonna hear a lot. Um, but um, you know, I want to ask a funner, um, a more fun question. I almost said funner, a more fun question, and I'm gonna ask this to everybody in the comments as well. The question is, why do you recover out loud? And that's uh, I think that this this is one of my recovery out loud is enormous, and it's something that's finally happening, and I think social media has helped do that. But Brent, I'm gonna ask you, and then Krista, I'm gonna ask you uh, why do you recover out loud? And if you've got something in the comments, please tell us why you recover out loud, and we'll read those. Go ahead, Brent. And uh the main reason is is for all those years in active addiction when I felt some kind of way about those things that happened to me. Um and the one mainly, you know, that's something that that I I couldn't come out and talk to anybody about. Now that right there, that right there. I couldn't tell you about it because it it it to in my own head, it it cut back on the the the my manhood or or the type of person that I am because this happened to me and because I was all up in my head about this stuff for a long time. Nobody knew, you know what I mean? Because I was holding it back because I felt some kind of way. And that feeling some kind of way is is such a big reason of me using because I felt some kind of way and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't, I couldn't tell you because now you're gonna think some kind of way about me, you know. I couldn't tell Krista because she's gonna think some kind of way about me. Oh, a potential girlfriend, oh hell no. You know what I mean? Um so so it it was the the stuff it did to my to to that shit bouncing around between my ears um that held me back for so long. So if I can freely talk about it and still stand up tall, show you how broad my shoulders are, I can hold up the weight of the world, right? Because it doesn't do anything to me unless I let it. You know, it's gonna hold me back. We're only as sick as our secrets, right? That's real. That's real. Because if I can't tell you about it, that means I feel some kind of way about it. I'm gonna bottle it up inside and it's gonna do something to me. We hold that shit in and it tears us apart, you know. Whether we see it or not, it does. Once I was able to come out here and get in a live sense and tell y'all I was sexually assaulted at six years old, you know, it doesn't make me feel any kind of way. You know why? Because it's a common denominator. Other people are staying sick the same way because they can't, because they won't, because they feel some kind of way. Guess what? Yes, you can, yes, you need to, and watch what happens once you start. You know, so those things that they're only as sick as our secrets. The programs say it. They all probably say the same same thing in there somewhere, right? We're only as sick as our secrets. If we can't talk about it, we can't throw it out here, um we're we're feeling some kind of way about it. And that's giving us giving us ample reason, ample excuse, right? Ample excuse to not feel that no more, right? So I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go drink, I'm gonna smoke some weed, I'm gonna do some hair, whatever, you know? Um, and I I don't need or have any excuses today because I can tell you all about it with no shame, absolutely no shame, because every time I do it in my life or something else, every time I'm in my life um and I speak this, someone in the chat says something like I needed to hear that, or or they come up in a box and start talking about it for the first time. I don't know how many times that's happened, a lot, you know, because I'm able to do that, and it gets somebody else out of their shells. So this is the other reason we do it. This isn't about me anymore. Uh what what the part that is about me is that I can do it with absolutely no shame, no, no character. It doesn't do anything to my character, you know. I'm a good dude, you know, I'm a good dad, I'm a good husband, you know. And not that's not holding me back thinking that I couldn't be because this happened, or because that's what it does, it does that shit to your head, you know. It gives you some some dull perspective on life because you're holding this shit in and don't want nobody else to know, you know. Anybody can talk about anything. We just gotta we gotta get comfortable being uncomfortable, spit it out and watch what starts happening. You know, Nate Smith said in the comments, I would think being out loud for people would be to be proud. So the share and others' motivation, they can also do it. That's uh that that hits right in the the nail with what you were just saying. Jojo said recovers out loud to keep others from from dying in silence. Carly, who is a is a recovery out loud ally. She is uh she's not in recovery, but she is an ally because families need to learn about how to support the addicts in our lives. Um Jeremy Thompson says, so other people can hear it and stop fearing recovery. Bearfire, your boy Bearfire. Recover out loud, help the next one struggling. Casey Wells says, I recover out loud for the still-suffering addict and the newcomers to recovery. I want that's my wife. Oh, Casey Wells. Oh, Casey, Casey, Casey, it's so nice to meet you. Grant speaks so highly of you, and uh, I gotta ask you a question. Have you guys ever had a fight in your marriage? Um we're gonna get to the bottom of this right now. I feel like Geraldo, Brent. You don't even know. I'm we're gonna get to the bottom. I think he I think he's confident in it. I think he's Casey. Have you Brent? Uh okay, let's see. Uh and Eager Beaver, what a great name. Eager Beaver50 says, uh, recover out loud because I'm not ashamed anymore. What other people think about me is none of my business. I recover out loud because I work steps, I become a better person, I do it for my family and to help others. Um, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, our boy Jimmy says uh it worked for me to talk out loud. And uh, and our friend Tracy's in here. I recover out loud, so people don't have to suffer like I did. So my life when I was an addiction, I was suffering, won't be in vain. And Casey, Casey is Brent's wife. We asked her in the comments have they ever had in a fight? And she says, We have not. We learned to work through our issues instead of arguing. Um, we had you know, in inquiry minds wanted to know. So I had to Brent, thank goodness Casey showed up. Uh and Keeley says, 14 months sober, uh, longest. Yeah, we're love you. Oh, absolutely. And then uh our friend Lauren, who uh Lauren's one of my favorite TikTok stories. We saw her on day one, and now she's got six months, and uh, and she's just doing tremendous. Just recently started doing it publicly to people local, so I can be a vessel to help others still suffering. Six months stronger. We do recover. Congratulations, Lauren. I love that. Absolutely, Lauren. I'm telling you, I love you. We love you. The community uh that we have, the community that's that you have is uh, you know, it's strong and the recovery's strong. And you know, uh me by myself, I get drunk, I get high, but together, never alone, never again. It's amazing. Krista, why do you recover out loud? Well, I can't keep it if I don't give it away. And um, I it was someone telling me their testimony, recovering out loud is what even made this all me want to be in recovery. Um, why did it take me going to jail so many times, facing so much time for me to learn about recovery? I thought they were gatekeeping this stuff. I'm like, why am I just learning about this? Um, I want people to I wish people were out there recovering out loud when I was getting sober. My journey may have started a little sooner, but like I just I speak on things I wish I would have heard. And um, it's like Brent said, people that pop in and say, like, I needed to hear that. Like, you know how many times I I prayed for a sign? Like maybe that one video of me showing my sober day is a sign someone needs to see, or you know, they're just because a lot of people are that's what they do when they're depressed or struggling, they're just sitting there scrolling. So, like on TikTok and all the stuff I do on social media, that's like where my mind goes, like, or put a quote that might help encourage somebody. Um I just I put myself in someone else's shoes, you know. And it is, it's for the ones still suffering in silence because they you suffer in silence, you don't want to talk about it, and then a problem shared is a problem cut in half, and you are as sick as your secret. So um I want to keep it, so I'm giving it away. You know, I recover out loud today because early recovery sucks. Early recovery is is so hard. Early recovery, I mean, it's one thing for the people that need recovery, right? But then you get those people that want recovery but can't get it. Those are the people that that I that I think about the most. And I think about my first two years sober. I didn't love being sober, my first two years being sober. I went to meetings, I went every day, and I didn't have a job. I started school, I I was digging through my mom's cushions so I could get money for smokes, you know, and it was hard. And that message of hope is just keep going, right? You know, and we have to be examples, we have to show people that just keep going, it gets better. The beginning is hard, you know. I fell in love with the program, I fell in love with the people in the program, I fell in love with the their hope that that they could get better, and I kept going and kept doing what I was doing and stayed strong, and because of it, my life got better eventually. But you know, uh, you know, recovering out loud is for there's a lot of different buckets that go along with that, you know. It's for the it's for the people that that don't think they need recovery. We gotta be there, we gotta be a big book or uh or a basic text or uh whatever for them so they can know that there's something out there, but then that those newcomers in the meetings that are struggling, and you know that that the old solution is very close. We have all these years of learned behavior, and then all of a sudden we get this little blink of recovery, be it a 28 day program, be it detox, whatever. You get this blink of recovery, and then it doesn't turn out so good. So, why not go back to the old solution? That's what most people do. That's why you hear people say that they go to rehab 18 times because. They don't get past that little blip and they go back. And we got to keep fighting and keep pushing and keep motivating. And recover out loud is say that yes, the beginning sucks, but it gets better, man. It gets better. And that's what that's the voice that I get to have today. And um, you know, so this is this is amazing. I love this. I love this. I love thank you for everybody who gave us their answers in the comments, and we got to uh got to read. I love I'm telling you, I love bringing the community into this stuff with us. Um, another fun question. You want another fun question, Brent? Come on. What's your favorite thing about recovery? My favorite thing about recovery after being here uh for a few 24 hours is seeing someone that came in and maybe went back out and come back in again, but they they they kept coming back and kept stayed. They stayed when that when stuff that comes out their mouth starts starts uh making sense and and they start um not letting things hold them back and watching other people behind me go through the same stuff I did, and you can see it, you know, those those newcomers. When I was a newcomer, remember that nonsense coming out my mouth, you know, all of us, you know, that it was just nonsense because some we had to get it out, you know. But when it starts making sense and and watching people catching a year and two years and five years, you know, the ones that stick and stay, you know, that that get out of their way and do something about their problem. That that is my favorite part of recovery, watching watching other light bulbs come on. That's so amazing. I love that. And everybody in the comments is kind of saying the same thing right now. Uh, their favorite thing is is the community watching the the light come back in another's eye. That was my answer. Jolene took my answer. Yeah, but I have a backup answer. Good. And uh, you know, so so Chris and I have been doing this for a while, and every now and then we'll go on just the two of us because somebody will cancel or whatever. And these are the kind of questions we get to ask, and these are fun ones, these are the ones where you know you really get to see the joy. So, Krista, let's see, let's hear option B. Um, I'm always prepared. Jolie takes my answer all the time, but it's okay. Um, compassion, the compassion and recovery from others. Um, I was raised what I thought was unconditional love, and then it changed through the years, and it broke me. And I might get emotional, but like you guys in recovery love me for my worst moments, and you there's no judgment, and um, there's suggestions left and right. You don't have to take the first suggestion. You know, you can go down the line, or there's always like uh a solution to your problem, and um, there's so much growth, and the the best is yet to come, like it just keeps getting better and better, and it's really the the network of people, the compassion that they bring to it. Absolutely. That's so good. So good. My buddy Scotty Abel is in the comments right now, and he's uh he's been one, he's gonna come on our podcast, and uh he's a shoe collector as well, and uh so uh we we'll have a lot to talk about. Uh so Scotty, get get ready, get your get your calendar out. You know, uh there's so many things about recovery, but the thing learning about myself and learning that what actually takes because we don't we don't, you know, normal people, and especially when I was out there, when I was out there using and drinking, I didn't look internal and see my character defects and my shortcomings and and things like that. You know, I didn't, you know, I didn't I didn't know I didn't I couldn't tell you that I was being selfish. It wasn't until I came to the program that learned I was a selfish son of a bitch, you know, and uh and you know learning about myself and actually being able to fix some of the things that you know made me the broken person that I was, you know, I came into the program with no self-esteem, you know, and all the different uh all these different things that we're talking about, they're esteemable acts. Watching someone, helping someone get the the light come back in their eyes, seeing someone, you know, with the the light bulb go off, you know, these are esteemable acts. And I get to feel better about myself by being an active part in someone else's life. And wow, is that is it awesome? Going to HI and you know, HI is hospitals and institution for those that don't don't know. Um, going into a hospital and talking to people in detox and then seeing them at a meeting, and then seeing them six months later, and then you know, it's it's it's it's tremendous, and it makes me feel good that I that God put me someplace at just the right time. I'm very fortunate. I've been able to help family members get sober, and I didn't do anything. God put me in the right place at the right time and has taught me years and years of of things about recovery that I'm able to talk to someone. And my little bro, my little sister and her husband both have seven years sober. My ex-brother-in-law, he was in detox for the fourth time and finally able to convince him to go and do something different and go to go to treatment. And I'm telling you, it's this is the amazing stuff. Favorite thing about recovery, this is the broadest steps, you know, topic we could ever talk about because there's so much awesomeness in recovery. So, you know, today we've talked about Matt, we've talked about recover out loud, we've talked about our favorite things in recovery. We've got so many awesome people that uh that are in this uh live right now. Um Brent, what is something that you would tell the newcomer? What I would, I mean that's the there's there's so many different things. One of my common denominators when I'm at a newcomer meeting and stuff is is talking about the things that I heard in early recovery. And and actually the person that I heard say it, you guys hear me say it a lot. I've said it in your rooms, I say it in my room, I said it here already, I'm sure. Um it was this dude Mike, he came in, he was in the rooms, he's a great big old dude. Um and he he said, uh, you know, when I when I finally when I finally realized that that my problem was me, and and that I had to get out of my way and do something about my problem. Um is probably one of the most common ones I say to him, you know, because it took me hearing him say that for it to resignate. And he has since gone back out. He's no longer in the rooms with us. He he's gone back out and he's an active addiction. So if come out of his mouth today would be a crock of shit, right? Because his ass doesn't match his mouth, right? But uh, but it said something to me when he said it, and it was it was, you know, pretty pretty simple, you know. It's like get out of your way and do something about your problem, you know. It it starts with us, you know. It's it's not how you make me feel or how how do I make me feel, you know, because that's my problem. It's it's not the it's not the drugs or the alcohol. It's like what am I doing to myself because of this sexual assault or or or or mother dying or or how many ex-wives later, um, you know what I mean? Um, and those things that were all caused by me, you know what I mean? In the interim. I mean, there's there's other factors out there, but none of that matters. Let's just talk about me here, you know what I mean? And I had to do something about all those things, you know. So that's the biggest thing is is getting out of my way. Getting out of my way. We just got to get out of our way and do something about a problem and find something that works. And uh, and I can point you a few different directions that work. There's two right there. You know what I mean? Um, there's so many different things that'll work, is but but we all have to start with getting the fuck out of our way and doing something about our problem. Nah, Casey uh says in the comments, get through five steps and watch what happens. He tells all the name. That's one of my I say that. I say that, and I I say it in meetings all the time that that you know, get through five of these steps. Take this suggestion where where don't sidestep around anything like if you were sexually assaulted, don't step around that because I don't want to tell you about it, right? All right, don't sidestep around anything, and if you and if you hit everything head on, all these things that are bothering you, and you don't sidestep them, you hit them up, you hit it, hit everything head on and talk to talk about all this stuff and get to five steps. And if you did all that stuff, didn't sidestep around anything, and you get to five step step five, you get done with it, and something in your head hasn't changed, something in your life hasn't changed, come find me in any room of Narcotics Anonymous in Tucson, Arizona, because I'm I was in all of them back then, right? All the time. Come tell me how full of shit I am. And the only reason I'm telling you any of this is because if you do that like that, watch what happens. You'll never be able to tell me. And I still hear it today that people come up to me and and and share that. I hear them sharing after me saying, You said this to me four years ago, and and and and then I I'll crosstalk a little bit and say, Well, can you can you call me out? He said, No, I can't. So, you know, it's I get that more often than not. And that that was it, you know. Just don't don't hold back and face everything and watch what happens. You know, that's my program, your program, your program. Anybody down the chat, I don't care what program you work. If you get out your way, do something about your problem, face it all head on, get through five of these steps and watch. We all know. We all know, you know? Yeah, blessed, blessed, because I got on my big trouble about my program. Dude, this has been phenomenal, man. I want to thank you for coming on here and sharing with us. Um, uh, anybody who wants to follow Brent, we just put uh Brent's TikTok in the uh the chat, and you can go into the chat, and there's a link on uh on all of his stuff. Um, and uh I think moving forward, Krista, we got to have all significant others of our guests in the comments. I'd love for you to ask my wife. That would be so phenomenal. Maybe we're gonna have Casey on here next, and Brent will be in the comments telling us the real story. Uh, but uh God loves you guys, and we want to thank everybody for coming out next week. We've got a big uh a big guest next week. Um, so it's gonna be we're excited. And uh Brent, thank you so much again, brother. And uh I love I love to both of you guys and everybody down in the chat. I know a bunch of you, so you guys know, and even if I don't know ya, I love you and you're worth it. We love you, Brent. God loves you, and so do we. And with that, uh, we'll see you next week.