Never Alone Live

Addiction, Psychosis, and the Day He Robbed His Own House | Brian Bodien

• Never Alone Recovery • Season 4 • Episode 3

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Brian Bodien joins Never Alone Live for a powerful conversation about addiction, recovery, relapse, generational trauma, and rebuilding a life after substance abuse.

Brian shares his journey of growing up around addiction, chasing success and validation, navigating the aftermath of a life-changing car accident, and struggling with addiction that nearly cost him everything. He opens up about relapse, recovery, faith, and the difficult work of breaking generational cycles that can impact families for decades.

This honest and inspiring conversation explores what it takes to create lasting change, heal from the past, and build a life rooted in purpose and recovery.

Recovery is possible. You are never alone.

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SPEAKER_00

What did Brian do now? Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to Never Alone Live. And uh it is so good to be here with everybody today. I'm Johnny, as always, joined by Krista, the sober Barbie. And man, so grateful for today. We have our good friend Brian Bodine, Pennsylvania Zone. Brian Bodine coming to you live, and in effect, uh Brian, what's happening, dude? How you how you doing?

SPEAKER_06

Man, I'm blessed. I'm blessed. Uh my feet are on it and not in it. And uh meaning the ground. And uh, you know, just taking this whole moment in, you know, just really grateful because I have to say this, but I watched you guys when I wanted to get clean and I couldn't figure it out. So to actually have this moment, it's uh it lets me know I'm doing the right thing, you know.

SPEAKER_00

So just just for a little backstory, we met, you know, uh Krista and I do a TikTok every morning, right? And we met Brian on the TikTok, and you know, you uh you are out there actively trying to help other people, and I love everything about it. We're gonna get more into that, but let's start with uh, you know, what was it like being a little Brian?

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, man, I was the youngest of three, you know. Um, I have two older brothers, uh, my dad, truck driver, mom, stay-at-home mom, you know. Um, I think it was normal, right? At one time, I thought it was just a normal upbringing. And uh, sports, that was our football, baseball, wrestling, that was my life, you know. And that's just what we did back then, right? Our parents kicked us out of the house. We weren't allowed to sit in the house, you know. They kept us busy. Um and they did the best they could do with what we had, you know. And rather than that, it was just you know, normal upbringing, John.

SPEAKER_00

He's on mute. Yeah, you know, I I uh I get the same thing, same thing, that normal upbringing. Uh, and it you know what, it took me 20 years to figure out that it wasn't so normal. It took me a long time to figure because you know, and you know, and I'm we're same generation, dude. You know, uh, you know, outside all day long, you know, you can come back for a snack, but you've got like a 30-second time limit and and get the hell out, and then we're back to playing sports and doing what we do and come back, come in when the street lights are on, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And get a couple whoopings along the way if you acted a fool, because back then your your your friend's parents, you know, they they didn't play back then, at least not at where I lived then, you know. Um hang on, what is it?

SPEAKER_00

You got you got beat up by your friend's parents too?

SPEAKER_06

Oh, absolutely. If you were out there doing something wrong, they had the right to snatch you up. And believe me, I wasn't um listen, man, I had the short guy syndrome and uh being the baby, you know what I mean? So sometimes, yeah, man, I just had to be hard-headed.

SPEAKER_03

I was the one, I was the one giving the whooping stolen neighborhood kids.

SPEAKER_06

So we we we fought a lot of kids now, but uh, you know, yeah, that was just how we were, you know what I mean. And like I tell my kids, you know, we didn't have the cell phones and computers and all that. You had to go look for the bicycles, man. That's where that's where it was at, you know. And yeah, man, it was good though. I I loved my upbringing, man. I wouldn't um I really wouldn't change it, you know. It made me who I am today. Uh respectful, you know. I don't know. I mean, I got beat up for a living, though. You know, I had two older brothers, and uh they didn't take it easy on me, man. But uh they were also, you know, they were my protectors as well throughout my story, you know. We'll touch on on that. But yeah, man, I wouldn't change it, man. I like you said I'm from Sharon, Pennsylvania, and I love it, man. You know, I don't mind it here.

SPEAKER_00

All right. Well that let's uh let's uh let's fast forward. Let's fast forward. And uh where did uh where did the uh addiction career start?

SPEAKER_06

Um so like I I I tried something, I think 14, 15 years old. I tried the weed a Thursday night before a football practice, and uh yeah, I found out I didn't like that too much at that time, you know what I mean? Because I seen a dog in my backyard and I didn't have a dog at the time. So uh it was just something that, you know, I I I was always a leader, you know what I mean. Then we got license. Um so my grandfather gave me a letter a long time ago before I started driving, and like he he he stressed on that about no drinking and driving, you know what I mean? Um, and and I think at some point he may have lost somebody. My grandfather drank, he was very well known for his bowling and stuff, and so he took these cherries to the bowling alley. This is this is what I remember of my grandfather because people would tell me. And then uh I went and played baseball at Edinburgh University, which is in Erie, Pennsylvania. Well, I thought let's let's back up. I thought I was gonna go play baseball, right? And I got there and I was ineligible after spring ball, and uh, you know, I only went to college to play baseball. I didn't go to get an education, you know what I mean? I just I never thought of it that way. And I came home, man, and and I realized real quick that like that brotherhood that I was so used to, and like I said, I'm the youngest, so my brothers were gone. And when I came home, you know, the town talent is one of the biggest things wasted probably everywhere, but especially where I'm from, uh, everybody ended up coming back home staying at home, right? But the people that I hung out with, we just ended up becoming products of our environment. That's to to keep it simple, you know what I mean? But I I I and I had this this niche that somehow, somehow, you know, back in the day when you sell like sold drugs, you know what I mean? You always wanted that one person, right? You wanted the connection. Somehow, somehow, I used to say this back in the day that God, man, God's blessing me with this connection, you know. And today I would never say that, you know, but I always found the way. I met a guy out in Cleveland or in Edinburgh from Cleveland, and uh, you know, like there was a connection there. And we developed the brotherhood when I came home, but we all uh went to the streets, you know, and uh, you know, it's sad to say because I I'm probably one of the only ones left, man. I know I know for sure there's one other, and when I say like left, um most of them are dead or gone, man. You know, dead or locked up, and as far as I'm concerned, when you're locked up, until you know you get some time out of there. If you get out of there, um, you know, you're spiritually dead, you're all of that until you know that day comes for you. But uh yeah, so man, I that's what we turned to, you know, and it went, it started with weed, marijuana, whatever you guys want to call it, and it just progressed. You know, all that money did for me was it gave me more addictions. I'm be open and honest, you know, and I just kept going up the chain. And uh, you know, I had a couple things, Johnny, that that I went through in my life, right? You talk about the addiction. I had a couple serious uh incidences, you know, like I had I was in a bad car wreck in 2007, and uh it changed my life. I never touched a pill in my life. And uh when I touched that pill, man, I'll tell you, my life changed and it didn't change for the better. You know, it just it went really out of control to the point that I believed and told my wife, my children, um I'm probably gonna like I'm gonna die of this, you know. And it wasn't a disease to me back in the day because I had no education on it. Uh, but today it definitely is. But um, yeah, man, and I just progressively went downhill. Money. It was money, women, and ignorance. And that's what I exactly how I want to put it because um I cared about nothing. Uh I chased that little green thing that everybody thinks you have to have. I'll take the bare minimum. You know, in my life today, I'll take the bare minimum because if you give me that and God knows this, um, back then I wouldn't, I wouldn't be here to talk to you guys today. You know what I mean? I wouldn't be a voice for the voiceless, you know. And so that per, you know, that progressed throughout the the times, you know, it kept going up and worse. And um, you know, somehow I also alluded, I alluded to law, man, somehow, some way, you know. And like I said, there were times that I would really sit there and say that the God is blessing me as I'm tearing people apart, as I'm tearing my community down, you know. And uh there was a there was a situation, you know. I went to I went to a church, you know, uh some some church-based rehab. I tried that, I don't know, I'd say about 2000 and something, you know what I mean? That and it was weird because I was like at the end of my road. Well, I thought I was at the end of my road, right? And listen, I I was involved in church my whole life, right? As little kids, we had to go to church. Um, well, I used an excuse when my grandmother passed away. I said, Man, Grammy's not there. I can't go step in the church. I go sell drugs, man, but I can't go to church. Make that make sense, right? And uh through that time, man, like I said, it got worse. And then when I went to that first rehab or whatever you want to call it, um, I call it slave labor. That's what I call it today. And I went there and it was nothing like what they said it was gonna be. They took everything off of you like the day you walked there. You were allowed to have like nothing. So I'm like, well, I go with the flow, you know, and I I I I I started asking questions though, like I didn't stay long, but we had a Thanksgiving dinner, and uh these people owned the church and everything, man. And we went out to work the one day, and somehow I got stuck with the boss, and he sat in his truck and watched me work all day. Well, if you know me, um, I'll do anything that anybody else does, right? As far as like as a leader. If I asked you to do something, I'm gonna be right behind you. And then this man was talking about the money, you know, and we were staying in a group of men's in the basement of a church. There was about eight of us crammed in this little tiny room, like a jail, honestly, like a jail cell on bunk beds. They weren't even they were taped together and stuff.

SPEAKER_00

And this was this was rehab, this was a treatment facility.

SPEAKER_06

It was a free uh Catholic uh uh church, Christian something. It was in West Virginia. Uh and there was a Thanksgiving dinner, okay. So we this like I said, they have a church and everything, man. Um actually my suboxing doctor at the time, because I got I wanted to get off the pills. My suboxing doctor had gone to Walmart and they gave her this thing, so she was trying to help me out. And in the long run, it it turned for the worse. And we went to this church, just little church, Thanksgiving dinner. They had dude, they had so much food it was unreal. And two homeless people wanted to come into this building, and they uh I'll just say they didn't let them in, and the pastor acted like a complete, you know what, and it just turned me away, you know what I mean? Like you we talk about people being turned away from God, like that's what it did, but that's my fault, you know what I mean? Because you gotta I gotta look into things. I didn't have the brain capacity then for what I do today. But I I know what I did do. I went and I told him I want all my stuff. No, I waited for church. That was uh Wednesday or Thursday, whatever day Thanksgiving's on. So I waited for church because you go to church Sunday. Well, I was like, let me just wait, you know, maybe it'll pan out and it'll be helpful, you know. Uncomfortability, you know, being uncomfortable. We don't like it. So I thought maybe it might be that. And it wasn't. I stepped in that church Sunday, I lasted about 10 minutes, man. It was the most eerie feeling I've ever had in my life. And I said, I know there's no way I bad church, good church, no church. It don't matter, it shouldn't feel like this. So I called my wife after that, and uh man, I told her, I'm like, listen, you gotta come get me. This is nothing what they say it is. And uh on the way home, I told my wife, I said, Man, it looks like you're just gonna have to bury me with these pills, man. Because I I didn't have like I didn't have any other option. I mean, I had options, but I I I didn't see the options I see today. And uh I came home and went back to the same thing. Now I started my journey, John, in 2007. That's when I started my true recovery journey, you know. Like I started going to the rooms, I started um I tried the best I could, man. But I was that I was that repeat uh relapser in. I'm talking over, get get some months, get it, get a half a year, get a year, you know. But then again, I was that guy who who who went to the meetings and couldn't wait for them to be over and was hot, you know what I mean? Like I I did all of that. So when I when I speak, it's it's always on my experiences, you know.

SPEAKER_00

And well, that's and that's all we have, Brian. Right. You know, I'm hang on, I'm gonna give two seconds. I want to jump over to the comments because we got some friends here that that I want to shout out. Our boy Brendan Clark, who uh, you know, and Brendan Clark, he uh we interviewed him a few weeks ago, right? And you saw that, and then uh turns out you guys just live down the street from each other where he where he grew up, you know, and uh probably crossed paths along the way, dude. Look at how I mean how the connections work, right? It's uh it's amazing. And then we got Brandy Dandy Dandy Brandy in the comments. I know you love her, and you know, a bunch of our ticky-talkie friends, and you know, and I love this, right? This never alone lie, what we're doing, and we announce it in the morning, and uh, and everybody comes over here. And look at the support you got, Brian. Look at the support you got.

SPEAKER_02

Uh you got Amber and Jolene and Lauren. They're all here.

SPEAKER_00

It's it's amazing. Look at I got new graphics. It's amazing. Oh, hang on.

SPEAKER_03

Um what's cool too is um Brian and I made a connection too. Like my husband, they've they've like crossed paths, they definitely probably have, but don't know it. But Bubba knows his uncle, and like it's crazy.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, that that was something, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So okay, so it's 2007, and you're going in and out. Uh, I want to hear about what happened. What happened? What ultimately led to you, you know, putting the plug in the jug?

SPEAKER_06

Um I think there was a few things, you know, like I said, I tried it young, but in that time, like I'll tell you the first time was a relationship, a girl. Um, I was with this girl a long time, right? That high school sweetheart type deal. And I think it like this is where I talk about my story being a little different than others. I spent six years selling cocaine and never touched it. And then me and that girl broke up, and guess what? I did it once, and uh I did it once for about five years straight until my nose was falling out. You know what I mean? And that's the that's the honest to God truth. Um and man, man, man. I just uh, you know, it all goes back to not wanting to face me and the problem. See, I was I'm also uh essay, uh it didn't get as bad as it could have, but um, I had some things happen as a little boy. And uh I'm just learning that today. That that I'm learning that now the last eight months or so. That's when that's when I understood why I turned to a lot of things. Um, I also say uh I was born into this. Now, do I blame my parents? You'll never hear me blame my my relatives because my relatives were like, dude, like you need to knock this off, right? Um, I did have a situation with my father. Uh and I hate to talk about this because like we're in such a positive era today. But um, yeah, man, there was a time where I was, you know, he said I'd be nothing but a drug dealer and a drug addict. Well, if you tell me I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna I might just do it a little harder than you expect, you know what I mean? And I thought it was like showing him something, right? Yeah, yeah. One of them moments, right? And um, you know, this is where I, me personally, I took it. And uh my dad fought the same demons I fought, period, you know, and this is where that generational curse comes in. Um, that's why I say, like, I was born into it because they all did it. I mean, go back to what I told you at the beginning with my grandfather. I mean, he was known for making these cherries, you know what I mean? Like, so apparently there was something, you know, I I would say it was good back in the day, but today I will not say it's good. Um, because how can anything be good that's taking you from being you? You know, and yeah, man, I just it like I said, Johnny, it it that money turned me. Listen, I came from nothing. I'm talking no water, no gas, no heat. Me and my brothers around the kerosene heater, wiping off for school, couldn't have friends over because there was no lights. Um, my mom doing the best she could do, man, but you know, she was a stay-at-home mother. And I had an uncle, rest his soul, man. He he was my everything, man. He uh he got out of prison in 1988, and he looked at me and he promised me he would never go back. Now that was after 25 years of of serving, you know what I mean? And uh that was like my father, you know, that was my father. I took care of him as well at the end of his life. Um, my aunt passed away, and I promised him, I promised her I'd take care of him, so I moved him in with me. And uh, but me and him couldn't get along, anyways. Man, it was just that that that's what I put myself around.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? Let's talk about this for a second because generational curses, I mean, I don't think people look at it enough because we are who we're around, right? We we emulate our our families, and even even if we judge the hell out of them and we say, I don't want to be like that, I'm not gonna be like that, it's still it still leads these things are embedded in our minds, and you know, especially when it comes to solutions, right? It's not the gener, it's the it's generational solutions, and I like that when when the generational when when my parents' solutions were drinking and drugging, I didn't like that. I judged the hell out of it, I knew that it was bad, but then when it came time for me to come up with some solutions, I remember those solutions, right? You know, and that goes back to my grandparents and their parents before them. And then, you know, it's the solutions that they had. It was the ideas that they formulated. I mean, if you look at doctors, right? You know, a doctor has a kid and then sends that kid to medical school, and that kid becomes a doctor. And, you know, and that's it's a generational thing. Lawyers, they be lawyers, you know, procreate and have more lawyers, right? Drug dealers. And alcoholics, we they procreate and they have alcoholics and drug addicts. It's uh, you know, and it's it's it's more I think it's more common to be in that frame of mind than another frame of mind, you know. You know, we always talk about the ones that got out, you know, and you know, I uh you know, personally, you know, I I might have families riddled with alcoholics and addicts, you know. And you know, the ones that, you know, got clean, got sober, those are suddenly, those were the abnormal ones, you know? And uh, so you know, you're you're definitely in the right place. Krista, I know you got thoughts about this.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean, um, when you're you were just talking about like your grandfather, like back then they didn't talk about like they didn't talk about this stuff, and it was okay because you only saw what was on the surface, you didn't see what was happening behind closed doors. And um, I my parents didn't drink when I was growing up, but their parents drank, and so it was like a skip generation, and my parents wanted to do something different, but I you'll never hear me talking bad about like how my parents raised me or anything, but they did the best they could, and I I do look back, and there are there is some dysfunction, and there is some generational stuff that I'm healing from today, and I didn't do that until I got to a forgiveness part in my in my recovery, you know. And it took it took years into recovery to see it, you know. I I deal with a lot of anger and past addiction. There's a lot of anger and stuff, and it's not the addiction that I get from them, it's the the way I handle my problems, you know. And it may not be the healthiest way. We just don't talk about it. We don't talk about it, you know. But I need to today. I have to talk about it, you know.

SPEAKER_06

It's that that's that like piece with me. Like it's you're gonna do what you you see, you know. Johnny, I grew up in that type of family. What would we be talking about lawyers and doctors for? You know, my my parents, I didn't my grandfather was no um was no lawyer, you know, and that's that's you know, I've had this situation. My wife and I, you know, our relationship was rocky at times, right? That's because we only did what we knew. Now we can run or we can fix it, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_02

Is she is she a normie or is she a yeah that's what they're called?

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, I guess she's a normie. But see that I don't think that.

SPEAKER_03

I think she's a saint, she's a saint for putting up with you.

SPEAKER_06

Well, I listen, I told her I would have left myself a long time ago. Why'd you say?

SPEAKER_03

You know, I saw something though. She saw something in you, the fight, you know.

SPEAKER_06

She sees she sees it made me cry. She she sees this me, you know what I mean? And you know, we have a great relationship today because we communicate, you know. And uh listen, we're working on some things too with her, man. Um, you know, and and we just talked about this this morning, you know, before we did our devotional, you know, and sometimes our significant other, because you know, you you you see it with your with yours. I I know you do because I just know. And you know, it's uh we can see things for each other that the other one can't in in certain situations, you know what I mean? And she brings out the best me. You know, I used to say this. I used to be like, oh, you're attacking me all because I didn't want to I didn't want to hear the truth. You know, I had a very bad problem of believing I was worthy and could be successful, and anybody wants to hear me. And um, I'll touch on that a little bit later in this this little thing. Any uh but yeah, that that's that's where it took me, Johnny. Like, like that's what I want to do today. You know, I can't so like I share it with my kids, right? My my my two older kids, man. I'm gonna tell you this. Um, I may have done a lot of wrong in life, but I'm gonna tell you, I definitely did do one thing good. Um my family is very rich in love. Okay, we love each other. My kids have never gone to bed thinking without a kiss, without a hug, without a I love you. Um because I promised myself, because I lived that life. You know, when I talked to my 17-year-old son, um, you know, I I manifested some things, and I oh I get that that that uh that feeling is coming on, right? I manifested some things and and it was funny because he looked at me and he said, I know you are dad. Like I know you are, right? I fought adversity my whole life, right? I wanted to do things that five foot well in school, I was probably five three, a hundred and nothing, you know. But I busted my my butt, man, to you may be bigger, faster, and stronger, but I'm gonna outwork you. It's just it's not even a question, right? And uh everything that's going on in my life today, I told him we were gonna do. Um, and I don't do this for me, but I did find out the other day, I do do this for me. But but at the back end, right? Because I already have the answers. So do you, so do you. We all have the answers of what we have to do to not pick up. But what I didn't have the answers for um was my calling from God. Um the God gift of gab. Okay, you know, I'm sure we've all heard that. But it's it's what are you gabbing about? Are you are you gabbing about like just talking the talk, or are you gonna walk the talk? You know what I mean? And uh I don't know. I try to walk it the best I can. I I I am not perfect, I don't believe perfect exists, but I'll tell you one thing. Um I love people, man. I love people, and the devil or whatever you want to call it, I hate to say that the enemy. Um, he had me confused for a little bit, you know. And my purpose is to be here and help others.

SPEAKER_00

See, I I love that I knew I was very excited about this conversation. I knew that we were gonna have a good talk here today, and you know, everything kind of correlates everything that you're talking about now. We're talking about generational curses, right? Then we're talking about you know becoming better parents because of those generational curses and being a better example and showing different solutions. And I love what you talked about with your sons, and you know, my my hand, my boy's 10, right? And uh and my daughter's 22, and and they've never seen me drink, and you know, my son he'll tell you dad needs to trim his beard. That makes me so happy when he tells me that dad needs to trim his beard. Why? Why does he say it? Because I kiss him to go to sleep every night, and I say I love you, and every time without fail, he tells me that my beard is too pointy.

SPEAKER_03

That's what I I have memories of my dad.

SPEAKER_00

Oh you know, and that's uh but it hurts the good pain. Um, but uh it's no, it's no having him say that makes me feel like I'm doing my job right. And you know, when it comes to parenting, you know, it we're not, you know, there's some books out there, but I didn't read them. Um, and you know, it says, I want to do what uh I think God would want me to do. And I'm very fortunate. I went I went to uh a 12-step program and found a fellowship of of some strong, strong people. And I say I tell people all the time, I'm a I'm a good father. I'm a good father, I want to be a good father, but I'm only a good father because I watched good fathers be good fathers. I saw them, you know, going to baseball practice and going above and beyond and doing this and being active and being involved. I saw them do that, and that's what I emulated. And it was uh it's a big powerful thing, you know, and the fact that we we get to be fathers, we get to be mothers, you know. You know, Krista Krista's a great mom, great mom.

SPEAKER_03

And uh and those he said something nice about me.

SPEAKER_00

Won't happen again. Um don't get too happy. Okay. Um, but uh that's you know, this is all this is uh this is all the things, this is what we we should be talking about all the time, right? And you know what the solution has given us. So let's uh let's get into that, Brian. Let's get into that. Let's get into solution. You know, what do you do? What did you do to get sober? And what do you continue to do to stay sober and grow?

SPEAKER_06

All right. Well, there's two little things I want to touch on in the if you don't mind.

SPEAKER_05

Your world, right?

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, it's your world, baby. No, I just live in it. Um, no, there was so like I said, I would get some clean time and I'd fall off. I'd get clean time, fall off, right? And this went on for years, and uh I had these two, these two two or three, maybe, but but they were like life-changing, okay? And I went through this rough patch, right? Like, like this is what changed me because I went to somebody's house that I knew was supposed to be a friend, right? And first off, you do if you're out there using them, people aren't your friends, period. I don't care, I don't care, I have to say it. And uh I I went to get something. Um, I went to get some coke, and when I got there, it was all chopped up, right? And I hadn't touched it for a long time. But you never forget all of the process, right? And the problem was it wasn't coke, man. Um, I did it, and bro, it was the worst thing I ever did. It hit my nose, and I said, What the hell is that? That is not no daggone coke, right? Well, it ended up being meth, and it um, not gonna lie to you, man, it sent me in to some top two things in my life that I was I I I I went into a psychosis, okay? Um so, anyways, I ended up doing this this stuff for like every five days I'd get three hours of sleep. Um, I drove my neighbors crazy. I drove, but but I was in that psychosis for weeks. But I you want funny, here you go, Johnny. I was getting tortured by a six-foot worm, brother. Um, I don't know if you ever seen one of those, but I never seen it in real life. But they were there, right? And uh, I do make this part funny, right? Because it I I want to explain, no, because no, I have yet to stumble across somebody talking about a psychosis.

SPEAKER_03

I had an experience too, and I mine I look back and it's kind of funny.

SPEAKER_06

It's sickening. It it's it's my wife and kids had to watch me. Bro, I thought a worm, I stripped naked in the middle of right aid. Um, like I did some things that any normal person wouldn't do. Not saying that I'm not I'm normal, but I think I'm a little bit normal. Um, anyway, so that that threw me into a spiral, right? And I was in it, I don't know, probably that was 2022 or something like that. 18, I don't know. Anyway, don't matter when it was, it's done and over with, right? But so like I got straight after that. You know what I mean? I got straight after that, and then I was off the pills, I was off everything. Um, but my wife spent a lot of money in researching on that, you know. And the the only thing that got me out of that, I guess, was a uh a vitamin regim. You know, she put me on this strict vitamin regimen because when we're using, we're pulling every everything out of our body, you know. And like there's a lot of stuff that happened in that. I mean, but like when I couldn't, my neighbors wouldn't come outside. I mean, they were looking out their windows like they were smoking crack, you know what I mean? Like making sure it wasn't out there. I scrubbed the girl five days, four or five days in a row, five in the morning till midnight. Like, you got issues, bro. Right? And my wife's saying, Oh, let's go to the hospital. And this is how uh this is how Brian thought, no way, I'm not gonna go to the hospital, I'd rather be tortured by this, this, this six-foot worm. But I did, I even told God, man, this is where I was at. I said, bro, take me or take this worm out of my life. Um, and it as I talked about this today because I have to. That's why I said Johnny laughed. Like, this is what this is the the laughing part, but we know, well, at least I know um this shit ain't that there's nothing funny about this, you know what I mean? Like, I tell people, you're not gonna get a 22-year run. I had 22, 23 years I was out there running and gunning. These kids today are not gonna get that. That's why I'm so passionate about it. And then, like I said, I was that repeat offender, and uh, I got clean for a little bit and I never kept a clean date. I never, I'm gonna be open, honest with everybody. I never really kept a clean date, only once in my life, and I'll touch that. But uh then I started smoking crack, right? I I smoked crack at 39 years. I smoked one time for three years straight, didn't miss, didn't miss a day. Well, I went into another psychosis. I didn't know crack could put you in a psychosis until I was I put a freaking ski mask on, 80 degrees, and I robbed my own house. I I got to the steps and I looked back and I'm like, like, this is your TV, you're allowed to sell it. Um I was doing some things that shouldn't have been, you know. I was selling TI pods, individual tie pods, uh, can't listen. I had a whole corner store at my house. Okay, everything and anything that wasn't tied down could go, right? For real. And my wife walked in. So I didn't oh oh yeah, the crack story. I cut the copper out of my own house just to get my family out of there because I didn't leave the basement in eight months. Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, Johnny's a gun, you're gonna and then I really want to hear your wife's point of view.

SPEAKER_00

I'm just no, I'm just thinking because you know, these stories, you know. I I I wrote down I stripped naked in a right aid because I'm I think we should write a country song. We're gonna write a country song called I Strip Naked in the Right Aid, and they they're probably not gonna see it. Chris is gonna miss us when we're in uh we're gonna be on the road, you know, running around singing I strip naked in the right aid. But uh, but no, dude, this is uh, you know, this is only we're never alone, never again, right? And you know, you didn't go, you weren't the only one who did this, and you know, I did a bunch of dumb shit, and you know, and just and because we have lived this and you know can relate, you know, you know, people talk to a normie and tell them about being chased around by a six-foot warm, they're gonna be like, What are you talking about? You tell another addict, another alcoholic, man, I was I was on some shit. I I chased around by a six-foot war. Yep, me too. Me too.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, look at the comments. The comments are I don't even have comments.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna read these comments. So so Jojo wrote, I saw snipers lined up in my neighbor's yard. I thought Christmas lights were cops. I have many experiences with psychosis. Uh Amanda, I saw people in the field behind my house and took my pistol out. Woo! Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I went, I went and turned in things I thought were stolen to the cops, and I knew they thought I was on something, but I don't know. I was convinced they didn't, but they definitely knew they had to have known.

SPEAKER_06

Oh, they known something. I mean, they didn't think you were straight.

SPEAKER_03

I thought people were in our backyard ready to call we called the cops a lot. Like, oh yeah, yeah, that dude.

SPEAKER_00

That that that that meth-induced psychosis is real, you know. Um, the crack-induced psychosis is real.

SPEAKER_03

It happens with fentanyl too.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, it's fatty psychosis the same thing, you know. And this is uh these, I mean, we we talk about these experiences and we make them into kind of uh kind of kind of humor because what are we gonna do? What else are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_06

You laugh or cry, man. You laugh or cry.

SPEAKER_00

Laugh and we're crying, and we're not a glum lot. So let's uh we'll put the we I think this is good thing to talk about. The fact that we do this is why we do what we do, you know. Uh we dude, I arrested myself twice.

SPEAKER_03

I don't even want to you wanna talk about he did, he did, and you know, um also the psycho the psychosis though when my husband was struggling, that's what made me handle it different and show more compassion that it wasn't him. Like you're telling me the man who cries when his his kid has a bloody nose, he's gonna walk away and choose that over his kids. Like it you could tell it wasn't them, you know. And that was as the outsider looking in, it was able for me to able to give more compassion and see how sad it it was, you know.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, yeah. When I think back, man, it it is sad. And the last part of this, um, because you guys know me, and uh the last part was like the crack thing, okay? It put me I tried to I tried to take my own like life like three times, man. Um and that was when like that was that was something that me I never experienced. I never um I just never thought that way, you know. And when I went through those things, but the the the the thing was Johnny the this is where my life changed, okay? Um I was in my basement and I was sick and tired of it. And I listened to a lot of music and I just made a reel the other day on it. If you know, you know, okay. DMX God Show Me a sign came on. And when I tell you eight months, I'm telling you eight months. Your boy didn't step out of the basement unless it was for some crack, and that was it. Lock and boop, right back down there, right? Well, that song came on, and uh I looked up and I just said, you know, I'm like, God, show me there's something. Like, I shouldn't be in this daggone basement anymore, man. Like, and uh as crazy as it sounds, like, I was I went to take a hit. Yeah, I'm I'm talking to God as I'm as I'm getting smoked out, right? And uh I went to take a hit, man, and that pipe was pulled out of my hands and shattered. It wasn't broken, it was shattered, the crack rock in the dust rock. I mean, you couldn't find one chunk of it, and that's not you know, if you know what that shit is, it that's not the way that operates. And um after that, I I decided to um I decided to go, you know. No, I didn't. I I I tried fentinol after that again. That's what happened. This is what made me leave. This is the last one. Um, my wife so I went over to the house because eventually, you know, you cut the cop right. You can't live there. Um my wife walks in one day and she says, Damn, the TV. And I said, if you're worried about that TV, go look in the kitchen, you know, because you had to go right one way, left one way, right? And she walks into the kitchen and she's like, Where's the refrigerator? Where's the stove? Where's the microwave? Where's it? Yo, I told you, if it wasn't chained down, it was out. And uh, you know, that's when I had to. I thought I had it figured out. You know, I was I was done. Um, but I wasn't, man. This is how my addiction went. Somebody called me on April April 10th of 2023. Somebody called me, and and I hadn't been selling her anything because I was too busy getting high. You know what I mean? I'm gonna be honest with everybody. And uh he asked me to get him something. I hadn't smoked to him in a couple uh, you know, I was smoking crack. Like I said, I I was that in in in-home smoker, you know what I mean? I wasn't going nowhere. I chased my family out of there. I definitely was not having anybody come in. And anyhow, I got this dude some fatty. Well, that's what they say it is, but uh yeah, man, when I got him, uh I don't know what made me think I could do a little bit. This is the day after my 10 year old's birthday, man. I just had a picture pop up. But anyways, um so I did a little bit, you know. I guess it was called a match head. And uh nine o'clock, roughly nine o'clock. o'clock and I only know this because my wife told me she checked on me at nine o'clock and uh she knows me she's like yeah I'm gonna go back to my mom and dad you know what I mean and and he'll be all right I'll see him in the morning in a different state of mind because one thing my wife wasn't gonna fight with me when I was in there because it's not gonna do anything she's gonna tell me what she had to tell me but I'm not gonna remember well I do remember I don't even remember nine o'clock I know I woke up I somehow somehow well I know how the the grace of God this is where my story gets different until from nine o'clock until seven o'clock eight o'clock in the morning I was out cold didn't move um I woke up my leg was three times bigger you ever heard of rebdo that rebdo breaks in your your poison out of your muscles go into your body shuts your kidney your liver all of that down right and uh I remember getting up couldn't put a shoe on was looking for a cigarette cigarette was right next to me but somehow I didn't see it but I found that little little bit more just that last time on the table I did it and I went out and uh you know this is something I have to live with the rest of my life the the the pain and and everything I caused my wife right she comes there and I'm gray I'm not blue I'm not purple I'm gray she said I've never seen this in my life now this is her words not mine this is what I was told and and I'm I'm laying in the hospital it took like 10 of them they hit me with Narcan 10 times which is unheard of now they give you I think four times and I guess if you don't come back you're you're not you're not worth it um God wasn't having it apparently you know and this whole time too I'm I'm saying that I want to go I don't want to live anymore and my daughter just kept telling me daddy ain't ready for you daddy ain't ready for you he has a purpose blah blah blah blah blah and me and that girl would argue over God right and um I woke up in the hospital and my wife's sitting right here and I said what like what's going on and you know remember the old cartoons like Tasmanian Devil and those those things we watch Johnny and they hit you with the freaking pan and you get the goosebumps yep and and I remember her saying you o d but it was like UOD you know that's what I heard and uh they didn't know if they doctors said they never seen a case like this like they didn't know if it what to do with me life fight me keep me um but god god said go on upstairs go to so I was in ICU um I didn't eat I didn't hear anything I didn't talk to nobody for four days I mean I I know my wife came but I was it you know I had been capped and everything and this is the God moment fellas this is your hope shot okay you ready for this um I was in that hospital bed for four or five days and my wife and mother in law came in at eight o'clock after a 12 hour shift on the 16th and uh my mother-in-law is definitely a woman of God you know she she does you know whatever it is I never heard laying hands on you and uh that woman laid hands on me at eight o'clock and at midnight I hit that buzzer for that nurse and I said come get this thing out of my you know what I need to get up and go to the bathroom and I did it well I didn't do it um God did it right and then the next day they released me and this is after the doctors telling me it my kidney and liver was like I went I fought Mike Tyson in his prime that was exact words to a T.

SPEAKER_00

And um yeah man I what I got up out of there and I walked out of there the next day and I swore I was done six months later I was I was good for six months and I did it one more time and uh yo that was the that was the game changer that was the game changer um I went out in the this house um where I sit every day and talk to you guys that was the last IOD man uh that was September 3rd of 2023 and uh Brandon Novak was reached out to you know him Johnny I'm sure you know Brandon Jack S yes and uh he said he could have a car car at my house in an hour but the addict said hex no I had it one more run in me and uh you know I had a job offer for twelve hundred dollars a week and me at that time I was gonna take it and my wife looked at me and she said yeah that's good money but your life is more important and I had to man I had to eat that shit and that was hard you know and that's why today you'll never hear Brian talking about chasing that dollar bill because matter of fact I don't even I don't even keep money on me man I don't even deal with it because still with a a few 24s I can lose that in a second I had clean time so I went and did a a rehab in Pyramid Quakertown Pennsylvania uh and then I went to the Sober Living I didn't know what that was at all and uh I did this thing called take some suggestions and uh go to meeting meeting meeting meeting and I did I did man I uh I'm the man I am today because of narcotics anonymous as far as my knowledge um and I stayed there you know I set a goal for myself for once in my life like like I never had a goal throughout the journey I just thought you know and my my even after all that guys listen man my my addiction was so strong I just thought I'd go to the other side of state and set up shop they don't know me uh yeah man I'm I I I'm at a kingpin in rehab but he was a tech and uh man I'm gonna tell you this he saved my life he saved my life he said bro he heard my story and he said you need to go to the opposite direction of Philadelphia Pennsylvania um and that's what I did man I took that suggestion I worked my ass my I worked my butt off and I just listened man I just listened for once you know I didn't do it Brian's way um but you know then I had uh I had certain certain things that happened you know what I mean like my probation officer in Ohio told me a long time ago you're unprobationable so then Brian's mind puts this in there well I'm unprogrammable let me try this this and this you know and uh yeah man I ran for five years from him but um when probationable I've never heard of it I've never it sounds like you were one upping people you were one upping the whole your whole life all no I wasn't purposely one up in anybody he just said that nine dude right in the so right when you were talking a few minutes ago uh Brandy Harris put a comment in the comments and she distracted me so good I shouldn't I shouldn't from now on Chris I'm not reading no more brandy's comments while we laugh he said and I'm gonna try to do it and it is my best brandy impression twins twins twins I see leprechaun on acid chase me all night I can hear I can hear her twins I said leprechaun on acid chase me all night one is gold brandy there was the reason she was brought into my life guys she's brought into all my life oh my goodness gonna make me take my glass I'm gonna call you later twin I'm gonna call you later twin um but Brian you recently had a um big spiritual awakening though right yeah so I did this whole that that whole thing okay and and we're gonna yep we just gonna skip a little bit of months okay because it's no big deal I I I stumbled across TikTok right um I was on the verge of going back out and probably not coming back because that's me if I go back out like back out like I hate when people say oh I don't have another run in me we man our life was running they called me Usain boat eating you know what I mean like we ran and uh I'm not coming back bro that's I'm gonna be open and honest I'm not coming back Johnny Usain Boat eatest man on earth okay yeah yeah I'm telling you with a six foot worm chasing him I'm out um and uh you know I found a couple groups on there and I do give them shout outs you know fair sober but feral but sober uh sober but feral however whatever one it is and uh you know um that's where this lady brandy hares comes into my life and I'll be damn I'll be damned if I'm gonna tell a story about this and she ain't in it.

SPEAKER_06

Um I met her I usually as you guys know I I I talk a lot okay and I'll never forget this day it was a Wednesday and uh somehow somehow I was getting re man I had all this stuff I was gonna say about the reading and Miss Brandy was right above me I didn't didn't know her never met her never I don't know who she is she's like yeah I gotta go first and I'm like this might I'm thinking in my head this is my group what do you mean you're going before me and they're like yeah Brandy Miss I was like oh she must be something because you know they knocking me down and let me tell you she came on and she ripped it I'm telling you she preached the building I preached the roof off the building she preached wherever the heck she was at it came all the way to Pennsylvania in my garage and it sat there this thing called the Holy Spirit and I stood up and my knees were weak and I swear I listen I'm this is how it went and she said we're having something at six o'clock my my husband's coming on and um and I literally here here was my last comments and they were all on there um they said Brian you're next um I said uh no um I don't even know what happened I'm gonna step out and I'm gonna get off and I'm gonna um enjoy this moment that just happened to me right and that's what I did and I had been in this I had been in this trying to like figure out the God thing you know what I mean like like truly what was going on in my life like why did I get led to TikTok instead of going back to using all these things and and I thought I was grieving I thought I was grieving my uncle and all them that's all I could come up with right and and and I find out that I I was like grieving the old me because God was saying okay you're not doing enough yourself and you're asking me and I fumbled time and time again all these blessings that that I asked for and uh this time I just I don't know man I sat and it was a long it was right around the time you guys had the never alone thing because I was gonna come but I was caught up in this God thing and it was like God had me prisonered in my house because he he's he's gonna figure this thing out and uh yeah man I just kept moving and moving and moving and uh but I didn't go anywhere. I stayed right here. And I and I I that night Wednesday night uh I knew this was gonna be special because I called listen you'd have thought there was a pay-per-view fight on over at my house that night um I called everybody listen you gotta come listen to this because this is real you know like it was a feeling I never had in my life I'm gonna say that and uh my man trip got up there and uh yeah he ripped like he crushed it he told me exactly what my problem like like what the problem was and all that like and I'll never forget it he said every man that you've ever led in your life has let you down but he said that season's over and he started talking about Jeremiah 2911 and uh yeah my life changed man my life changed and I was able to tell somebody that 20 Jeremiah 2911 he had told me a story but I had to add 13 14 and 15 in there because it was just like it was talking about taking you out of captivity and I had just been rescued from captivity that I've been in for 20 plus you know 20 plus years. And uh ever since that day I've gotten a little closer and closer and I and I built this thing called a relationship with God and I I don't just go jumping in rooms and around people and all that not like I stayed at stay to my my few because I think I just do that's what God says tells me to do right and and that's what I do now you know that's it that there that's your that's that part and then we'll get to sober Barbie's part I didn't know I had a testimony until 421 of this year. Okay I thought I had a well I thought it was a testimony but I found out it was a story but we're gonna turn it to a testimony and I went on this um I went on this it like my wife like hey we're going somewhere for your birthday and I'm like where are we going? We're poor we're not going nowhere and uh it led me to South Carolina this place called uh they call well I I don't know the pretty place yeah I call it the pretty place yeah it's the YNC Fred Simon Chapel okay so it's on top of the it it's all the way up this mountain man way up there you know and uh man the things that happened there first and foremost I didn't even get to that yet things happened way before then um we stayed up in the mountains some some national forest and like the I never had God speak to me I never heard God speak to me never once but I like it wasn't even he was speaking he laid my whole life out from the time I was young but it wasn't in words guys it was all the things I did and you gotta realize that I didn't no trip like I didn't no trip but I was in the process I'm still in the process because some things got blocked but uh when we left there we left there to go to Kentucky um and this whole thing it was a spiritual that was what my wife said I want you to have the spiritual thing because my wife said she prayed and prayed and prayed that I would just accept God. And uh you know I did but I thought like that baptism and all that was like the end of it you know and uh Miss Brandy Sneaky but sent something of trip getting uh he was getting prophesied before he was going to his next thing and I sat there and I watched it and then I finally got like like trip was delivered in my life and I took like we got to speak and I told him um here's the thing I'm stubborn so I had to have somebody like trip that lived the same life as me and I see him get his life switched around because there ain't you won't waver that man that man knows who he is what he's got to do and he's gonna do it right that's why he got on that daggone boat and and went and got a haircut right and uh you know I just um I don't even have the words but that's what happened to me everything was put in like put in there and and we were leaving South Carolina to go to Kentucky and I had this three hour um cleanse as I call it I don't even know what you call it but I bogged I'm talking wheat and wheat and and like the word love would come on on the song and I would just break down right but I had watched this where where I don't know how to explain it. That thing that was going on with trip like it was it it hit me in a way that I don't know man it just made me believe that I gotta have a Bible on me at all times because the only reason I'm here is because of God. Like I felt it it was like a see it to believe it kind of moment like yeah man it's yeah and it was real for listen if I cry for three hours there's there's something that's not a bad cry that's not a that's like like you either change or you're going down homie like pick one or the other you know because I never experienced it but then it was like I felt like so you know they say you it's very dangerous there's dangerous times in that you know what I mean you're gonna get attacked by this that and another um I kept having them moments too where I would get attacked and it was costing me a week on this place but I that's when I realized that and I'm not saying this cocky I'm saying it because I'm I'm confident in who I am and I understand a lot of things I'm not I'm I'm I'm a very smart person. I really am I'm not common sense wise I'm up there and I seen that I'm bigger than just sitting and uh talking to people that don't want to don't value me. You know what I mean like I'll help anybody but there's certain people who can talk and there's certain people who can't um I tested a couple people that was talking and they were good speakers and I thought if you would come out of your zone you could go speak and they want nothing to do with it.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm like I'm like man give it to me I want to go tell the world about God and I want to tell the world about recovery um I never mastered anything besides addiction that's it they say 20 years 10 years to master something Johnny is that what they say something like that I never mastered anything else but I know as long as God gives me another chance um I'm gonna continue to share my story and now I mean look like like I've met all you guys listen none of this is by accident man I literally sat there and watched man and that's my story man that's really that's that hope shot Johnny is uh you know it's just I'm here for a reason you know what I mean and I I don't mean that I listen man I'm here for a reason there's no way that that that little girl that was telling me daddy's not ready for you like he's not ready for you so I stayed stagnant for 20 some years like I don't want to do that today I want to leave a simple simple thing called a legacy just that I would help anybody I don't care about the money I don't care about money I don't care about cars I don't care about all that because all that did was get me deeper and deeper and some things I couldn't get out and uh you know along the way we started a couple things and uh you know um I'm here today man and I and I'm doing it with people that that actually like me there's I don't have anything to offer anymore guys so so you can't use me and you know we but you do you do have a lot to offer you know it's just not what you thought it was your whole life yeah you know but now you have more to offer than anything and it don't cost a dime it's free that's why I say to you know to make somebody smile it it's free man to lift somebody up that's never heard it because you never know what they're going through um like it's free you know and and last thing I'll say is listen I got to I made it through something last week or the week before and um this is where I know that I'm favored by God.

SPEAKER_06

I'm not telling you I'm his number one but I know he's in my life and uh I battled a lot right of of that isolation and him sitting you down And uh you know, last week I made it through something with my dad. You know, all the stuff that's going on with him. I'm healing him, taking care of him, I'm keeping him. You know, but uh the devil tried to step in the way, and um I think I learned something that guess what? This time he didn't get me. He didn't get me, and also I don't know if it was the devil. It might have been a test from God this time and wanted to know if you're gonna pick that Bible up. So guess what I did? I went and picked that Bible up, recorded a video of me doing, I don't know, my type of Bible study. And um, you know, he he took me right back to where I started because apparently when I started reading the Bible, I didn't understand. Right? So so I prayed to him and I asked him to take me, give me something that I understand today. And he took me right back to that page, and I and I was on there just ripping and running. And um, hey, I understand it to the best of my my ability today. And I told the devil, whatever you weren't gonna get me that day. And guess what? I didn't use man, and I'd never been down that road. You know, I always run back to comfortability. And with that, guys, if you got something, it was God. If you didn't, it was Brian.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you for coming here. Thank you. Uh, thank you, Brian. Thank you so much for coming on. I was really excited for this conversation today. I knew it was gonna be a good one. Uh, I knew we'd wind up getting some laughs in the way. You know, um, we can't just uh we can't just be sad all the time, right? You know, if if if we focus on the negative, we're gonna get the negative. We focus on the positive, we're gonna get the positive. And today, you know, we focus on the light. We'll be we are the light today, and that's where that's where this is amazing, and where you know, you are helping people left and right, whether you know it or not. And uh, and the comments, I've been reading all these comments as they've been coming in, and you know, there's just so much love and support from uh from this group, from and there's a lot of people in here commenting, Brian. So uh I'm just gonna say I appreciate you, appreciate you coming here and sharing and being vulnerable. Um, and I love you, brother. And uh, and we're gonna be meeting up here in uh in the near future, uh, which is uh pretty amazing, pretty amazing, Krista. What do you think?

SPEAKER_03

Um, I just I'm grateful you shared all that, and I didn't know the whole brandy story, and I have to meet your wife. Like I have to meet your wife, okay?

SPEAKER_06

She's she's she's sitting right here.

SPEAKER_03

Um, I love her because I can relate a lot with my what I went through with my husband, and um she put up with a lot more, yeah. But um, I mean, you guys both grow with all this too, you know, and it got it makes me want to cry. So I am crying now. Um, I love it, and um, I'm grateful we've connected, and um, we're over here bringing Jesus to TikTok now. We're in we're creating our own little army, so I can't wait to see what the future holds.

SPEAKER_00

You know, anybody who's looking to follow Brian, uh, we put his uh his social medias on in the comments. Um, please do. He shares a bunch of really good stuff, and you know, the best thing about you know following someone's journey is learning as they learn. And even though we've got uh you know different stories and different demographics and sober at different times, we're we're constantly learning from one another, and you know, and that's the importance of this, and you know, being program agnostic and you know, faith agnostic, and you know, we all come to you know this journey, we're all on a journey, and you know, and we we cross paths and learn from one another, and it's a beautiful thing. I'm just one more time, I'm really, really happy that you came on here today. And thank you, thank you, thank you so much, brother.

SPEAKER_06

Thank you for having me, man.

SPEAKER_00

And thank you all for being here and watching today. And uh, we've had such a good group in the I don't think I've laughed so damn hard on uh these things yet. Uh, but uh, you know, Brandy and the damn leprechaun. Um, but uh, but thank you all for coming, and we'll see you next week. I'm sweating like I was in the sauna, bro. See you next week, everybody.