21 Felonies, Now What? | Tristian Ezell

What happens when childhood trauma, addiction, trafficking, incarceration, overdoses, and hopelessness collide?

In this powerful episode of Never Alone Live, Tristian Ezell shares her incredible journey from abuse, addiction, crack cocaine, fentanyl overdoses, jail, and human trafficking to freedom, healing, and faith in Jesus Christ.

Tristian opens up about childhood trauma, rejection, mental health struggles, suicide attempts, addiction, recovery, deliverance, and how a complete surrender to God changed the direction of her life forever.

Today, Tristian helps others find hope through her ministry, From Captive to Curse Breaker, and encourages people to pursue healing beyond sobriety.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, trauma, mental health challenges, or feeling hopeless, this episode is for you.

Connect with Tristian Ezell:
Follow @TristianEzell and From Captive to Curse Breaker Ministries on social media.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to Never Alone Live. Here we are. As usual, I'm Johnny and joined with Krista, the sober Barbie. Um, it's amazing today. We we have been in a faith-based recovery month, and we've had so many good uh people on this month already, and we uh I'm so excited to hear your story today. We have today with us Tristan Iselle. Tristan, uh, how are you? What's going on with you?

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I am blessed.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

I am blessed. So tell give us uh give us a little bit. Where are you from?

SPEAKER_01 0:50

So I'm originally from Tennessee, like a really small town in Tennessee. Um, but I currently reside in Kentucky.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Currently reside in Kentucky. And how long have you been clean and sober?

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Um, so I don't have like a date. I didn't keep up with the date. I don't do that because um just for me personally, not for anybody, but for me personally, um this time when I got delivered, the Lord said, You're delivered, you're done. I knew I was done, so um, I'm like, I'm not going back, right? Like the Lord has me. And so it's been at least four years, though.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Okay. That's uh I that's why I was kind of just I was gonna I was looking, I was looking for the roundabout.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Yeah, roundabout four years.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Roundabout, round about four years.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

So so you tell us about growing up, tell us about life in Tennessee. What was uh what was Tristan like when she was younger?

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Um, so when I was younger, I was actually I started out as a very like um like a very scared child, I guess, because of the abuse that it was in my home. Um I would literally just when I was being abused a lot of times, I would literally just like get in the corner and fetal position and just like I would not defend myself, I would not do anything. I was a child, of course, and I just didn't really understand a lot of things. My dad left when I was five. Um, never to like have anything to do with me again. To this day, he's he refuses to have anything to do with me. So um early on, I believe the the devil used my trauma as his training ground, right? Um, I felt unlovable. I'm like, okay, mom hates me, she's abusing me. Of course, as a child, you don't understand, hey, these things were done to mom as well, right? You just know, hey, um, dad left, um, mom hates me, it's me. I'm unlovable. There's something wrong with me, right? So that's how it was early in my childhood. Um, I uh it opened the door for a spirit of rejection where I believed that no one would ever love me, and it was me. There was something wrong with me.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Wow, that's a that's a big statement, a spirit of rejection. Oh, and and you know, we talk a lot about generational curses, right? And generational traumas, and and we don't think about it in the moment, especially, you know, and uh, and you know, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. And so, you know, that but you know, we don't think about what our parents went through when we're going through it, you know, when we're in the thick of it, you know, and that's uh that's though that's a big that's a big statement that you made there. Um so okay, so that was that was young Tristan. What did how did Tristan grow up then?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

So um my mother though, she she I will give her this, she worked hard. She was a single mother, but she worked hard, and she um made sure that I excelled in my school stuff. Like, you know, I was a little nerdy, I was in academic decathlon, I was in marching band, concert band, jazz band, I uh was a cheerleader, I did all the things, right? Like school was my safe spot, right? I excelled in all areas of school, like that was my safe place. And so, um, but also I knew if I didn't, right, you know, what would happen when I went home. But I loved school, I genuinely loved school. And so I excelled in all that. And then um there did come a point though when I turned like 16, I kind of like snapped, like when I was um being physically beat. And um I I mentioned this because it was at that moment that I took some vows, I made some oaths, okay, and we know that there's power of life and death in the tongue. Me being 16, young, I don't know what's going on, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm talking about. I said, no one will ever put their hands on me again, no one ever speak to me like that again. I took that owl, I took that bow, I took that oath, and so um it was kind of downhill from there, right? I began to defend myself, I began to be filled with rage and anger, and um you you didn't even have to do anything to me at that point. You just had to look at me the wrong way, and I was ready to go.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Um the oaths, the oaths, the vows. How many rules did we make for ourselves? Krista, how many rules did you make for yourself, especially when you were younger?

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Definitely a daily thing. Yeah, and I never followed through with any of them as a teenager. I think that's where it like starts, you know, because you're starting to become an adult, you're starting to be able to get a little freedom, but not enough, and yeah, and I can relate a lot with the snapping too. I didn't go through like traumatic events like that, but I did there was a a snapping stage for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

So this is kind of wild to me. Okay, so we make rules for ourselves, right? We set down all these moral philosophical things that say, I am never gonna do this, I am not gonna let this happen, I'm not gonna let this, I'm not gonna do this, and then we go about and we break those rules. And now not only are we breaking our own rules, we're giving ourselves consequences for those rules, usually our self-esteem, right? It's like, oh, now I'm a super POS because I broke my own rule and went against my own value and my own, so now it's even worse. It's you know, what's worse, you know, God's law, man's law, or my own law. Now I I can't even I can't even manage my own laws. This is it's sorry, that just uh was kind of profound to me, Tristan.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

That was good, not to to to like move ahead, but you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

No, no, no, go ahead. I'm I'm I'm waxing philosophical, watch out.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Yeah, but I'm like I'm kind of jumping, I'm like jumping way ahead, but you know, in addiction, you know, you say, okay, I'll never um use intravenous drugs, right? Then I did. I'll never like sell my body, but then I did. I'll never um let a man beat me or um sexually assault me, but I did. I'll never try whatever drug, you know what I mean? And it was just a never-ending cycle. So that yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Okay, so now you've you've you you've gone through your high school career, and that's it was it was interesting that school was your safe place. I think school is a lot of people's safe places, and then once they get past that, so now you get past school.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Yeah. So the day I turned 18. And let me let me just talk about this real quick before we skip ahead, because I I literally tried to um I have to be careful what I say here, unalive myself the first time when I was 13. Okay. So um I was already beginning to struggle with mental health disorders. Okay, because that's a big part of my testimony. There was already the depression, the um the soul and mind fragmentation because of the trauma that I was dealing with. I mean, you're you don't that's how you deal with it, right? Like you'll go to this other place and become this other person that can deal with the abuse, right? And so, you know, they started giving me all these labels. Um, oh, you've got borderline personality disorder, you're bipolar, you've got hypervigilance. They even said I had intermittent explosive disorder, whatever that is. Um, hypervigilance. They gave me all these identities, right? And medicines and me not knowing anything about spirituality or God, truly, I I come into agreement with those things and I started speaking those things. Oh, it's just because I'm bipolar, it's just because I had BPD. I'm just impulsive. That's just the way I am, right? And that is um, that's one of the tricks of the enemies. And uh I did give my life to Christ at 12 at vacation Bible school. I experienced him, I had a supernatural experience with him. I and but I didn't get any kind of discipleship. I didn't really understand how to walk that out. I didn't understand what it entailed. We would go to church, but you know, on the way home from church, you're getting backhanded and you're getting cussed out. So it just didn't register with me. So let me let me say that first and foremost. Um but when I turned 18, that day, John, that day, I moved out. My mom went to work, I packed all my stuff, I left her a note and I left. And I didn't speak to my mother for two years after that. And I had a full academic scholarship to college, to UTM, and I started going to school. And then at this point, mind you, I've never seen a drug. I've never even seen weed. I'm 18 years old. I've lived kind of a sheltered life, except for the abuse. I've never seen any kind of drugs. You know, I wasn't allowed to like hang out with people and do things like that. And so, you know, I start hanging out with these like fraternity guys, right? And and, you know, doing the little the parties or whatever and the wine and cheese and all that stuff, right? I start drinking. Then um I end up meeting a man that was 11 years older than me. And um, yeah, and I just thought, well, I'm just gonna get married to him. I just I love him. Like he I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. And you know what? I don't need school. I don't need to go to school. And you know what else? I wanted revenge on my mother, and I was like, oh, this will kill her if I do this. And that's a horrible thing to say, but that's how I felt. I was like, this is gonna be my revenge. I'm just gonna drop out full academic scholarship. I'm just gonna drop out, I'm just gonna be with this guy. And that guy uh was heavily into drug usage, and you know, he kept on saying, Hey, just try this, just try this. And I was like, No, no, no. And then eventually I was like, you know what, just give it to me. And it was all downhill from there. Snowball effect, straight down.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

So that so you were getting even with mom by getting with this dude, and you know, and okay, so so so now you you're 18, 19 years old, married to a the 30-year-old who's all into drugs, and what happened then?

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Well, yeah, and not even married. We were together eight and a half years, and I didn't even get married, I didn't even do it the right way. No, we were just shacked up, right? Like, which is even worse. And um, it started with weed and then pills. He was real heavy into pills, cocaine, a lot of cocaine. Um, it just kept escalating, right? And he would spend so much money on this stuff that there came a point when I was like, well, I need to start selling it, and it would, you know, it would help us out because he's spending too much money, he's giving too much money away here. And so then I started doing that as well. And then it he was abusive. He began to be abusive four years in, very controlling. It was just uh rough all the way around. And then I actually um he he almost killed me several times, and there was one time that after he almost choked me out too long, and I was like this, and my aunt had been killed by her husband at 17 years. That's one of the things that happened too, right? He murdered uh he murdered her after being married 17 years, and I it was like an eye-opener, and I was like, that's that's gonna be me. I'm gonna be dead. So I put my two dogs in the car. Um, you know, he supported me. He was he would work, he was a hard worker, he would support me everything. But I put my two dogs in the car. He's done moved me to another state, so I have nothing but this vehicle that he's paying for, okay? My two dogs, and that's all I've got. And I got like a half a tank of gas and $15. So I put my dogs in the car, and I drive to Tennessee and I slept in the car with these dogs for a couple days, and then I met, and at this point, I'm really like, I'm not a lot of myself now because like this is what I thought I was gonna, we were gonna get married, we're gonna be together forever. I'm just so young and naive and didn't know anything about the real world, you know. Uh, was living in a fantasy land, and so at this point I'm devastated, like I don't want to live anymore, you know. Um, what am I gonna do? I've ruined my whole life. Now what? And so then I fell into a group with some even worse people, and they uh introduced me into uh crack cocaine, and as you know, it went downhill from there.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Yeah, that it tends to, and it's it's amazing how you know we escape one situation to get an even worse situation. You know, but uh were we secretly looking for that? Were we was that what we were calling out? I mean, we it self-esteem is low, you know, and we tend to attract people that have the same self-esteem. So, okay, so now now how old are you at this time? You've been you were with that, you were shacked up for eight years. So you're 27, 28, you know, and then you find a new group and now you now you're smoking it.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Yeah, yeah. And this at this point, it's just so bad. Like, I am beginning to do all the things I said I would never do. I um uh you know that that drug is so evil because there's no like physical withdrawals, it's all mental withdrawals. Like in that drug will tell you you have to do whatever you gotta do to get that next hit, right? Whether it's kicking somebody's gore, whether it's trade your soul, whether whatever it is, you're gonna do it in that moment. And so um this is where that internal struggle, because you know, I'm doing things that I hate. I hate what I'm doing. So then um I begin, I overdosed on it four times. Never heard of anybody overdosing on crack cocaine, but I did four times. Uh, and when I would overdose, I would go into these violent brain seizures, right? Um, like one time I it slammed my head into the glass table. The seizure did, my eye was black for three weeks. Um, one time I fractured my coccus because I fell backwards. One time I fell out and hit the concrete and I had a contusion. You could like stick your finger in it. It was so, it was just craziness. Like the last time I came out, I had an overdose on that drug, and I came out of it. I I'm in a room with in a house where I get high with these people every single day, and I did not know who these people were. And they kept saying, Hey, it's you know, the guy was like, Hey, it's peanut. Do you know who I am? Like, no clue. I feel I thought I was being held hostage. I I was like, I gotta escape. Like, it was bad. And you know, the I went to the emergency room and the doctor's like, hey, listen, if you keep doing this, you're gonna have a grandma seizure, you're not gonna come out of it and you're gonna die like this. And um also I think it's noteworthy that uh the whole time I'm trying to unalign myself too because I can't stop. Now, I would even stop sometimes for like six months or nine months, and I would go to church. I would go to church and I would say, anoint me with oil, pray on me, lay hands on me, take the Lord, take the taste out of my mouth for this drug because I hated the things I was doing so much. And and I would, like I said, get sober for these little bouts, right? But it would always, I would always go back. And so I tried to unalign myself four times. I was in CCU one of those times and ICU three of those times because I hated looking in the mirror. I hated the person I was, I hated the things I did, and there was this compulsion where I could not stop. And so I was like, you know what? I'd rather be dead.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

So I'm gonna give a quick shout out, Tristan, to our friend Brandy in the comments right now. Brandy's in here. Brandy is gonna be a guest next week, but Brandy is the reason you and I met. We met uh in Owensboro at Faith Fluence, and uh and uh what an awesome experience that was. Um, you know, and getting to meet so many cool people, and everybody who's been on this uh this show over the past few weeks have all been from Faith Fluence. So um Yeah. So so okay, so now you're you're not me though, not me. Okay, now well, Brandy. I'm glad that Brandy's in here and Brandy's listening to you. She loved you so much. Um uh okay. I mean, we're I'm lit, we're listening to the progressiveness of the disease and how the disease takes over our life. And and Tristan, your story is just that, you know, it's just down, down, down, down, down, right? You know, we just keep going. So how far how low did you go?

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Um so pretty low. I mean, um some wild stuff happened all during this, right? Like uh I went to um um a recovery place, like that guy I got sent there. Because I'm oh by the way, I'm like, I'm I once I started smoking, like I started going to jail, right? I'm like, it's a revolving door. I'm going in and out of jail, in and out of jail. I can't stay out of jail. You know, I just don't care at this point. I don't I don't care. I'm like doing whatever, whatever. I'm like doing some horrible thing, don't care. Like what? Oh, you gonna lock me up? Okay, cool. I was okay with it. Like I didn't want to live, right? So um, all this stuff is going on, and um it, you know, they send me to this place to get some help. Oh my gosh, sorry. I don't know what happened. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everyone. What do we need to send you on the phone?

SPEAKER_00 19:03

I don't know who that I don't know whose voice that was, but you need to give me get rid of it as quickly as possible.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Oh yeah, a little late. I don't know. I got my ringer off. I don't know how that happened. Okay, so I forgot where I was going. Um oh yeah, so they sent me to Memphis to like um a recovery place or whatever, right? And I think I made it six months or something like that. And um, you know, I I had this rebellious spirit. I did not like authority. You couldn't tell me what to do. Nobody could tell me what to do, you know, and I didn't care about the consequences. So you could threaten me with the consequences. I didn't care about your consequences, right? I was gonna do what I wanted to do, and uh, I was so rebellious, and we know that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, right? So I was in straight rebellion. And um, this lady at this recovery place said something to me about something, and it just set me off. And I was like, you know what? I'm leaving. And they're like, Well, you know, we're calling the police because obviously I was court ordered, and I'm like, I don't care. And so I left walking in Orange Mound, okay, in Memphis. I don't know if you know anything about Orange Mound, but as a white female, you don't go walking anywhere in Orange Mound, okay? And so I started walking and I had um like sixty dollars, they had to give me my money, and I went to a gas station, and that guy in front of me was buying uh a glass rose. And so um I don't know this man from Adam, obviously. I'm in the hood in Memphis, I've been sober six months. I pay for my drink, right? I run out the door and I'm like, hey, where can I get blah blah blah? He's like, get in the car. Bad idea, right? So that um I ended up being trafficked while I was there. Um, yeah. And I also was raped while I was there, and uh a lot of things happened, and the Lord uh spared me by getting me arrested while I was there, you know, and thank the Lord I got arrested because uh, you know, several times I tried to get away and I would try to get out of the vehicle or something, and broad daylight at a gas station while they're pumping gas, they just come over there and put a gun to your head and tell you get back in the car. Like nobody's gonna call the police. The police are scared to even come out in Memphis. Like, it was wild. So that was probably one of the wildest things. Um I mean, I did some horrible things, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Like Yeah, Tristan, you gotta you you lived a hell of a life, and uh and now and now to see that you've come back from it all. Let's get into that. I want to talk about that. I want to talk about how you did that, because I mean most people would, you know, they they go the other way. And they stay there. And, you know, and having met you, I know what an inspiration you are and what a dealer of hope you are. How did you do it?

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Yeah. Well, it wasn't me. I it was all Jesus. So I uh like I said, you know, I would I would try to go to God. I would go to church. I would go like I was begging for help. I wanted help. I was begging for help, but um I don't think that where I was going, they were equipped or knew how to help me, honestly. They did what they knew to do, but they just didn't know. You know, this was this has been a while ago. So um deliverance and things like that were not as much talked about as they are now. And so uh, you know, I'm back in jail once again, right? And um, I'm in my word, right? Because, you know, first month in jail, I'm mad, I'm mad at God, but then after that month, I would get my word and I would pray and I would seek God. And so I'd spend 12 months, 15 months, 19 months at a time, nine months, reading the word of God and really getting my foundation. That's really where I got my foundation. And so I'm seeking God, and um first thing that happened was I had a dream, a vision, whatever, um, that I had overdosed again. And this time my mom was over my body, and I was standing outside my body watching my body, and I watched my spirit leave my body, and God said, That's it. If you go back out there and and smoke again, that's it. You're done. And so, of course, I was terrified. The fear of God came upon me, but it wasn't in my power to change. Like I was scared to death, but I still didn't change anything, right? I was just scared now, and so I was reading the word of God, and I was reading, and um, it said it talks about the the man that brought the boy, his son, to be um uh delivered. He had demons, and he said, when the demons see they they seize him, okay, and they try to take him out, they throw him into the fire. Oh, there it's violent. And it was like the light bulb finally went off, and and I was like, Oh, that's what happens to me. I have these violent teachers, I have demons, I am demonized, like I am being oppressed, like I need deliverance, you know. I didn't know what I didn't have the verbiage for what I needed before that, and so I was like, it was like praise God, it's because at this point I was 11 years into my addiction, right? And so uh I've been seeking help for 11 years, and so uh, you know, then you go on down and it says, well, this type only comes out through prayer and fasting. And uh boom, right then and there, I knew I was getting delivered and I was about to be healed. And these little, praise God, these Pentecostal women that did jail ministry, they came and I said, Hey, God told me if you'll lay hands on me right now that I'm fixing to get delivered of my crack cocaine addiction. And I did, and I would love to tell you that's where it ended, but it did not. Uh I was sober, I I never went back to that drug. Okay, 11 years. I never went back. I got delivered right then and there. I never went back. I mean, he literally took the taste out of my mouth. I was delivered from it. But I went back out there six months later and I went to first I started selling drugs. I started selling methamphetamine um and stuff like that. Okay. And at first I wasn't even using, I was just selling it. But now, um, you know, the Bible says that if once wicked spirit gets cast out, it goes around looking for rest, and if it finds none, it comes back and finds the house swept and in order, and it brings seven more spirits, more wicked than itself, and the state of the person is worse off than it was before. And that how true is that? I know it's true because I did that repeatedly. And so now I've been delivered of this crack cocaine addiction, but now there's a spirit of pride has entered me because now I'm not doing those things I was, right? Now I'm I'm the one with the bag. I'm in control now, right? I'm not that dirty addict anymore. I'm I'm pushing it now. So I'm somehow better than people. So now I've got a spirit of pride. Uh I've got a spirit of aversion now. Um, I started practicing homosexuality. I didn't even really want to be with a man. I didn't want to have really have no dealings with men. I wanted to be with a female. Um, and uh then I started using the meth and then uh went from there and went to Roxy's and then eventually led to fentanyl. Uh so yeah, that's how that happened.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

So you got delivered from one drug, but you you you moved over to another. Which is a bit which is very common, which is very common, and it's more of the the rules that we set, right? You know, and we're like, wait, I'm just not gonna do this one no more, but I can do this one over here. Okay, so what happened what happened then?

SPEAKER_01 26:58

So after that, um I uh one of the things that really uh shook me was my mother passed away um from bilateral COVID pneumonia. And my mother, regardless of whatever, my mother was not the same person in her old age that she was when she was younger. And my mother was my whole world. I didn't have nobody else. Didn't have no dad, didn't have brothers or sisters, I didn't my rest of the family didn't have anything to do with me, right? All I had was my mother, and so when I lost her, it really shook me. And um at this point, I am doing uh I'm if I can't find Roxy's, then I'm doing fentanyl, right? I'm doing raw fentanyl, or I'm getting pills that may or may not have fentanyl in them, right? And so after mom died, within a 30-day period, I uh died twice off fentanyl. Um and oh, and I also overdosed in jail. Um, because you know, I was dealing, I would have large quantities of different things with me. And so um I packed them in my prison purse, right? When I went to jail, and and here we are, it's during COVID, so they're putting everybody in the hole for 14 days to make sure that you don't have COVID. So for 14 days, I'm in this little cell back there in the hole, just just this, that, whatever, you know. Um, and I started getting paranoid, and so I was like, well, I'm just gonna take whatever's left. Of course, it was all melted together. I didn't know what was in there at this point, you know. When we're 14 days in, I don't know what's in there. I'm just gonna eat it all because I'm an addict and I don't want to flush it and I don't want to waste it. And so I did, and um I was dying, I was literally dying. So I'm in this jail cell and I have this see-through blanket over my head, right? Because we know they don't give you good blankets. So I've got I'm in fetal position. There's this light that never goes off, and it's in my eyes, and so I'm in fetal position. I have this blanket over my head, and through the blanket, I see these demons, these little imps sitting on the back of the of the back of the toilet, back of the sink. And so out loud, I'm like, you're not real, you're not real, you're not real. Mind you, I've never seen anything the whole time. Now, at this point, I'm like 20 years into drug addiction, right? I've made a career out of it, and I've never seen anything ever, never hallucinated. I was uh I was always wanted to be in control. I didn't do any drugs that would make you hallucinate or anything because I was a control freak, right? And so um I started saying, You're not real, and they said, by the time we get done with you, we're gonna be very real. And I screamed and I lost consciousness, consciousness again. And then the next time I came out of consciousness, there the whole room was in demons. I believe I was so close to death that at that point the spiritual veil had been lifted, and the Lord was showing me where I was going. Um, and at that point, I was immediately sober. All the drugs, the mixtures that I've been doing for two weeks, I was immediately sober. I knew I was going to hell. I knew why I was going to hell. Um, nobody had to explain it to me in the spirit. You just know things. Nobody's gonna have to like, you know, God forbid someone doesn't uh repent and accept Jesus when it comes that day. Nobody's gonna have to explain to you where you're going or why. You're gonna know in the spirit. And so I knew uh, yeah, that that prayer I prayed, even though I had decided to live for myself instead of for the Lord, and I had never really, you know, um surrendered everything to him. I had in the back of my mind, I kind of thought that prayer was gonna save me, right? From when I was 12. Like, oh, you don't have to live for God, you can just do what you want to, right? And you'll be okay because God don't send people to hell. Well, that was just my naive thoughts, immaturity. I just didn't know. Of course, God doesn't send people to hell. We choose it. We can choose heaven or we can choose choose hell. We have free will, right? That's the beauty of it. And so I knew then by my choices, the way I was living, and and the decisions I had made that uh it was not fixing to end well for me. And so I cried out to Jesus, save me, spare me, please. Jesus, have mercy on me. And uh, and and mind you, like there was a voice. I so one of the demons, okay, the room was full of the cell was full of demons. One of the demons, I was still in fetal position, right? But the demon, he was like, where my legs are curled up. Sometimes, like, you know, your dog will come and curl behind your legs. This demon was right there and he was stroking my legs slowly. Yeah. And I knew, I knew, because you know, I was big into fornification and homosexuality and all that. I knew that uh I was gonna be assaulted when I got there. It was it was just the whole thing. And so God spared me. He had mercy on me, and I would love to say that was it for me too. I it scared me straight for like six months, but then I went back out there. But then my mom died. Once my mom died, then I overdosed twice off the fentanyl, and um, you know, God put a combat medic with me both times to save my life and to uh take me to the emergency room both times. He did CPR on me one of the times for like 45 minutes. The the nurses at the emergency room said we now carry larger amounts of the Nalox inarch that goes the injections because we had to use every injection we had available on you to bring you back. So they said, you know, thanks to you, we now carry um like two milligrams, I think they said, or something, larger amounts. So, because they said, you know, you were royal blue when you came in, like both times. And so um I went back out there, I'm still dealing, I'm still doing all these things, and what finally did it, whoo, what finally did it, praise God, is you know, I told you I had this pride, right? I thought I was smarter than the cops, I was smarter than everybody else. They can't catch me with anything. They've been trying to catch me. I mean, they wanted to catch me so bad, but I always managed to like outsmart them, right? So I have this pride still. Well, I ended up making a mistake. Um mistake that that ended up getting me 21 felonies. They uh found uh lots of drugs, different, different kinds of drugs. Uh, I outran a state trooper. Um, you know, the tags on the car were not even getting to go to that car, you name it, it happened, right? And so I'm sitting in there with 21 charges, uh, one of which was was going to be my third time to have that felony. And in the state of Tennessee, as they got a three strikes. Uh, they can career criminal you out after you have been convicted of the same felony charge for three times, and they can give you a life sentence. So I'm sitting there and I'm looking at a life sentence. My mom's dead, nobody, anybody and everybody that's ever loved me or cared about me is gone. It there is nobody but me and Jesus at this point, and um, I know my life's over. Uh and that's when I hit my knees, and I said, Jesus, if you can just have mercy on me one more time, you can have all of it. You can have all of it, not parts of it, not this one drug, not the homosexuality, not you can have all of me if you just spare me one more time, if you just find it in your heart to have mercy on me. And boy, did he show up and show out. I'm talking about there were women in there that didn't believe in God that were like, okay, that's God. Because um, you know, I had uh I never had a paid attorney, right? I always got the public defender, all that. So uh I had a private attorney, uh paid attorney that showed up and said, Hey, I heard about your case and I'm gonna take it pro bono. Okay. 21 charges. I'm looking at a life sentence, and this paid attorney who just happens to be a Christian shows up, takes my case pro bono, right? And we go to court and we try to get a um a bond, and they're like, Yeah, absolutely not, not happening, right? And so um, you know, I went back to the cell and I sought the Lord and he gave me peace about the situation. He gave me peace about it. And so the next time we went to court, uh, I've been there about three weeks, and and I told this man, I said, Hey, um, the Lord's gonna give me a bond today. And he said, Yeah, okay, you know, and I'm like, no, the Lord told me he's giving me a bond today, and I'm getting a bond. And he said, Okay, all right, great. And um, I mean, this man, like, we even like prayed. Here we are, there's a glass in between us, and we're sitting here praying, right? And um, not only did I get a bond, he went in there. He did, I didn't even go in there. This guy went in there, the attorney did. He comes out and he said, Well, you didn't just get a bond, you got a deal. 20 of the charges are gonna be dropped, right? And one of the charges is gonna be dropped, the one that's would have been a life sentence. He said, We're gonna drop, they're gonna drop that down to a misdemeanor, and you plead out to 1129, nine months, all nine months suspended except for the 21 days you've been here, and you can walk out today uh on probation. And I was like, praise God. I just was in there praising the Lord, and I have never went back since then. I never looked back. I mean, to go back would to be, I feel like just nail Jesus to the cross again, you know what I mean, after everything he's done for me.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

That's better. You got so many different miracles that happen in your life after you finally surrendered and God was doing for you what you couldn't do for yourself. Oh my goodness, what a story! You know, this is uh this is this is just amazing. When you hear, when, you know, we hear these different stories, and we all have different ways of coming to find recovery, coming to find a higher power, coming to find Jesus. We've all got different stories. And hearing someone's story like yours, you know, where you thought you had it and then you didn't, and then you thought you had it and you didn't, and then you thought you had it and you didn't. And it's uh it's you know, we recognize, you know, forgiveness, right? We recognize God's forgiveness when uh and God can forgive us all day long, but we don't if we don't forgive ourselves, and we if we don't recognize it, then then we're gonna keep on doing what we do. And you know, so so uh Krista, what do you think about all this? This is this is pretty amazing, right?

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Yeah, I'm on the edge of my seat. Um but it was what I got out of all those moments. It was the end, that full surrender. It was giving it all, everything. It's not just take my addiction. That's it, take it. I got the rest. It's literally everything in your whole entire life, your heart, your soul, everything. And that's that's it. And and it's the um what I love about the faith journey is it's the things you can't make up, like your attorney, and that what all happened, and every like what an average person would look at is like she's done, she's cooked, she's never coming out, and like anything can happen. Anything. And he showed you, oh, I have the shells all over.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

And and what you said, the addiction, uh, that is just the beginning. Getting sober was literally just the beginning. It was just like the door being unlocked, so I could open the door, right? Because mind you, I got delivered from that addiction. But when I walked out, I was still homosexual. I was still had all these mental health diagnoses, I was still taking 13 psych pills a day. Okay. Like it, I mean, I was still, I still had that rejection. I still had all those things when I walked out. And for me personally, I didn't get delivered of everything at one time. It was a journey. Like then I got delivered of the homosexuality, right? Um, I got delivered of a spirit spouse. I didn't know what a spirit spouse was, you know, those dreams I was having and the things that I didn't know what that was until I heard a man of God talking about it. And he said, Get out the anointing, oil, you're fixing to get free. And here I am in my house doing get doing self-deliverance, you know what I mean, and getting freedom. And then the um one day the Lord told me, quit taking all those psych meds. You don't need them. I'm not giving you a spirit of fear, but a power, love, and a sound mind. You don't need that medication. I healed you. Praise God. Boom, done with the with the site meds now, right? And um, then when he put it on my heart to start doing ministry, to start telling my story, um, I was trying to like pray for people and stuff, and I wasn't seeing what I felt like I should be seeing, right? And I'm like, well, what's what's what's the problem here? And the Lord, that's when the Lord dealt with me and said, you know, you've got to deal with the spirit of rejection before you can do what I've called you to do. Because right now, you know, I felt like if you prayed for, you know, this person that there would be healing and freedom. But I wasn't so sure that if I prayed for them, even though it's not us, it's him. And so there was that spirit of rejection. I got delivered of that. And then um, you know, we were talking about the generational curses. So I was seeking the Lord, I was fasting and seeking the Lord, and I said, Lord, I feel like I'm hitting a ceiling here. Like there's more. I know there's more. What is it, right? And uh he said something that I never would imagine. He said, Your mother had an abortion. And I thought, well, what? You know, and so I called my aunt and I asked her about it because my mom at this point had been dead five years, right? And she said, Yeah, before she had you, she had an abortion. Well, we know that you know, abortions are a child sacrifice, and that is a blood covenant. So my mother had come into a blood covenant with the enemy, and so the enemy had legal right to me, and that's why I kept trying to take myself out. That's why I kept um, you know, trying overdosing because the enemy had legal right to me, because you know, she had uh aborted that first child as a sacrifice. So the second child, which was me, he had a legal right to. So I had to um get delivered from that and break that um break that uh generational curse in my family, not just for me, but for my my whole lineage.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

Wow. Powerful, powerful stuff, Tristan. Powerful. So what do you what are you up to now? What do you do now?

SPEAKER_01 41:40

So now I do lots of stuff. So I uh, you know, I work at a children's psychiatric hospital dealing with uh mental health aspects, and um so I uh like I said, mental health was a big deal for me, and uh it's a you know I have a heart for those people. And then I also started uh From Captive to Cursebreaker Ministries. Um, so it's mainly just a social media ministry, right? Uh online outreach. I post on all platforms. And then I also have a free community that I just started on Facebook that's called From Captive to Cursebreaker Freedom and Mind Renewal. Because and and the idea for that was the Lord uh revealed to me that deliverance removes the strong man, but renewing your mind is what removes the stronghold, right? Because you know, a lot of people get deliverance and then they they a symptom may come back, right? And and they think, oh, it it didn't work. I need deliverance again. Well, you know, if you the Lord doesn't make mistakes, the Lord who the sun sets free is free indeed. Come on now. So um you might not need if you've been delivered, you don't you just need to renew your mind and break those strongholds because once you've believed these lies for so many years, you can't just untrain it. There's you know this thing called neuroplasticity, right? Where you think something long enough and you believe something long enough that that it's like when you walk through the grass, right? And the tall, you got tall grass. And at first you kind of got to trudge through it, right? Because, you know, this grass is so tall. But if you walk through that same path every single day, then it becomes a trail and then it becomes a road, right? It's the same way in our brain with the um lies or the truths we believe. So it's so important for people to renew their mind with the word of God. Don't be transformed, I mean, don't be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. It's so important that we take every thought captive uh um for the bringing down of strongholds, right? Take it uh that thought captive into the obedience of Christ and come out of the the agreement with the enemy. Um, because you know, I I personally, you know, I went certain places. And they were like, well, you know, we need you to say that you're an addict, or we need you to say, well, and I'm like, well, and I'm not doing that. And, you know, if people that do, that's fine. But for me, I was not fixing to come into agreement with that because I'm not. I, you know, I am a new creation in Christ. You know what I'm saying? And uh God delivered me of that. And so I'm not gonna go back and come into agreement with the lies of the enemy. Um, you know, I'm not rejected, I'm not unlovable. Um, you know, I have a father in heaven who loves me, and um, I am a child of God. So um I think it's so important that we um renew our mind, we break those strongholds, right? And that we begin speaking and declaring and decreeing the word of God over our life, over our children, over our finances, over our family, over our health, over our mental health. You know what I mean? Because um all our infirmities, all our diseases, those were nailed to the cross. We are healed by Jesus' stripes. So uh we need to be walking in the victory that that Christ died to give us because he didn't just die to give us salvation. No, he died to give us healing. And you know, he healed then, he heals now. He delivered then, he's still delivering now. And you know, he called he cares about every single aspect of our life. And so, yeah, addiction, that's just the beginning. You're sober and you're free and you've been delivered, praise God. Keep going, okay? Nothing is impossible with God. Nothing. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

Tristan, this has been so amazing, and I think you're so amazing. And you know, anybody, anybody trying to get better, anybody trying to do it, there's a thousand different roads that lead to the same path, right? This uh this month is all about faith-based recovery, and you know, the stories that we've heard so far about, you know, uh, and the overwhelming spiritual consciousness that comes to people that allows them to have an uh a second life in one lifetime. You know, we get to have that, right? And you know, and that's that's there's there's a lot of common denominators, yet there's at the same time there's there's separators, but they all lead to one thing. Uh Krista and I uh this past week we were in uh Akron for Founders Day for Alcoholics Anonymous, which got which is what got me sober ultimately. And one of the the main speakers, uh, he talked about the the AA big book, right? And he said, This is not the treasure. He says, This is not the treasure. He says, This is a map to the treasure, and the treasure, of course, being God. Uh or and and it was just it was so profound and so big and so good. It was uh it was amazing, right? And and and it's the same, you know, we all have the same thing, and we're all going to we all get the only way to get a spiritual experience is to have a spiritual experience, you know? And uh the spiritual experiences lead to spiritual awakening. And I think that your spiritual awakening is so profound and that everybody should be should be should be following you. We're gonna put all of your um stuff into the um uh into the comments so people can find you. Uh, because I know that your testimony today is is is gonna help other people. And there's people out there that are feeling the same way that you felt, you know, that that that lost feeling, even though it's it's weird because it's like I would I didn't get raised with a with a religious upbringing, you know. Um, you know, and so to to have Christianity and then go out and then come back to Christianity and then go out and then come back to Christianity, you know, that's that's a totally different story than mine. And I know that there are people that can relate and would love to probably reach out to you and and ask for help um because you did it, you did it, and you're doing it. You know, there's those that walk the walk and there's those that talk the talk. And frankly, Tristan, you're a walker.

SPEAKER_01 48:23

Yeah, yeah. And I also I also started doing um for people that you know, there's the free um community where we on Facebook, but I also just recently started doing what I call freedom maintenance sessions. So if somebody's like, hey, I need someone on one time, then they can also uh contact me either via my website or my um uh email and then we can do that as well. Because and you know, I just um there I think there's a lot of people that get sober, but they're not healed, you know? Yeah, there's there's so much more to it. Yeah, sobriety, that is a big deal. That is a huge deal, right? But don't stop there, you know what I mean? Because through Jesus Christ, you can have salvation, you can have eternal life, you can have healing from all your trauma, right? Like I was a bad skit case, let me tell you. Like one there was a time I literally took the phone in the visitation room of the jail and I busted out that that visitation glass. Now the glass is like that thick, mind you. Now I did not do that my own strength, but I was so tormented like mentally that I was just a lunatic. And so he can restore your mind, he can restore your heart, he can heal your heart, them ungodly soul ties that you made, you know, when we lay down with these people and we swap, you know, and I mean there's spiritual implications to that, but God is a healer, he is Jehovah Raphae, and what and he's not a respecter person is what he'll do for me, he'll do for you, he'll do for each and every one of you.

SPEAKER_00 50:03

Amen to that. Krista, what do you think? Do you have any closing thoughts for Tristan before?

SPEAKER_02 50:08

This is just this is so good, and um, I can relate so much about sober being so sorry, being um sober and still having a lot to work through. That was most of my recovery until I entered a faith-centered 12-step program, and it was a block that I had was forgiveness, unforgiveness, and it was in the generational curse, like there was so much more, and it's so much more than just being sober. You know, the there's a it's just wild, and this is so good. This I'm gonna be processing this live for a while now. This is really good. I'm grateful you came in and told us your testimony, and I and I was raised in the Catholic Church, and I didn't I knew there was the devil, I knew hell, but I didn't know there was an enemy out there to get me. Yeah, and once I I understood that, it changed so much and it took away a lot of anger too. So this is good.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

Yeah, there's an enemy of your soul, and um, you know, it's so important we cover our children, um, because you know, just like uh, you know, he's roaming around like a lion looking for who he can devour, and just like a lion when he hunts out in the wild, right? They're gonna go after the young, they're gonna go after the weak, right? He wants because they can be easily manipulated. They're young. There's no if you're not covering your children, they have no spiritual covering. Cover your children in prayer.

SPEAKER_00 51:41

Well, Tristan, thank you so much for being here with us today. Thank you for everything. Like I said, we're gonna be able, everybody's gonna be able to follow you and find you through the comments in this uh in this live. Um, thank you, thank you, thank you. Uh next week is Brandy Harris, our friend Brandy's gonna be on here, and she's probably gonna be doting on you the whole time. So uh, so you're gonna have to tune in and listen to what Brandy's gotta say. Um but uh but thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 52:10

Can I lead us out in prayer before we go? Do y'all do that?

SPEAKER_00 52:14

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

All right, Father God, Abba, my father, my lord, my God. You are Elroy, the God who sees me and you see each and every one of us. Before we were in our womb, Father God, you knew us, you formed us, you know every hair on our head. You are Jehovah Jirah, you are our provider, Father God, and you are Jehovah Raphae, our healer. Um, right now, anybody that doesn't know Jesus, that wants to, if you will just uh know that Jesus died on the cross for your sins and rose from the grave three days later, and repent of your sins, and that means ask for forgiveness and turn from your ways and accept them in your heart, then you shall be saved. Those who call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. And if you don't, anyone who's still struggling, that is okay. Because guess what? There is a God who sees you and who saves and delivers, and you can be free right now in Jesus' name. Anybody struggling with addiction, I command it to go right now in Jesus' name. Anybody struggling with uh rebellion or um perversion, go in Jesus' name. Anybody struggling with mental health issues, any self-harm, that you want to harm yourself, I rebuke that right now in the mighty name of Jesus. You gotta go. And I lose the Holy Spirit in your life right now in Jesus' name, that you will not be the same any longer. From this day forward, you will walk in healing and full restoration in Jesus' name, and that he will redeem the time for you, that all those things that you lost in addiction, all the trauma will be gone in Jesus' name, and he will use all things for the good of those who love him. That your test will be your testimony, and your mess will be your message, and God will get all the glory in Jesus' name. I pray.

SPEAKER_02 53:58

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 54:00

Thank you so much, Tristan, and thank you everyone for watching, and we'll see you next time.