I Was One of the First Kids Given Ritalin | Michael VanBeek

What can a cage fighter, street enforcer, and one of the first children prescribed Ritalin teach us about purpose?

In this episode of Never Alone Live, Michael VanBeek shares his extraordinary journey from childhood struggles and addiction to discovering purpose beyond recovery.

Michael opens up about being one of the first children prescribed Ritalin in Cook County, how martial arts became his refuge, fighting professionally, collecting money for the mob, surviving years on the streets of Chicago, losing everything to addiction, and the moment he realized that sobriety wasn't the destination—it was the beginning.

He also shares powerful insights on confidence, purpose, habit-building, self-protection, and why God's purpose isn't simply for us to get sober—but why His purpose requires us to be sober.

Whether you're in recovery, searching for purpose, rebuilding your life, or supporting someone you love, Michael's story is a powerful reminder that your past does not define your future.

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#Recovery #AddictionRecovery #Purpose #SelfImprovement #MentalHealth #Sobriety #RecoveryJourney #PersonalGrowth #MartialArts #SelfDefense #Addiction #Healing #Faith #Resilience #Motivation #Chicago #RecoveryCommunity #Podcast #NeverAloneLive #MichaelVanBeek

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to Never Alone Live. We are so glad to have you all here. I'm Johnny from Never Alone Recovery, and joined as always by Krista, the sober Barbie. And today we have a very special guest, our friend Michael Van Beek. Michael, I'm telling you, you've already won. You're already winning because you have won the contest for most technical difficulties in a uh, so that's you know, thank goodness.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

You know, mom always said I'd be memorable one way or another. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

You're you're winning. And uh Mike, it's so awesome because Michael is uh Michael is local to me, and my we live, you know, 15 minutes apart. So uh oh, so he could have just drove over, he could have the hole. He could have, but then uh he'd have been like right here, and he just he's too good looking for to have us both in the same place at once, you know. Um you didn't need to say true to that. Um so Michael, Michael, tell us uh tell us about yourself where you're from, your sober day, yada yada.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Well, um I'll be uh 13 years, uh July 30th, a couple weeks. So um I don't do the calendar day thing. I know the date. I I marked it once a year, right? Right after about that three-year mark, I kind of it lost kind of its not the thrill. It's still meaningful, but it's meaningful to me, you know. And so um it's not how many days um I have on the calendar, but what I did with those days that keeps me sober. Um, my story is probably uh is a lot like everybody else's. I was uh from the Chicago Heights area, um lived in Chicago, south side of Chicago, west side of Chicago, all around that area. Um, I'm different in the sense, I think, than a lot of people that my addiction didn't start until after I had been married and had children. And then, you know, life did what the 30s do to life, and they make you realize it's not what you thought it was going to be. Guess what? You're on the losing end, and that rude awakening allowed me access to deal with those problems in a different manner. Um, you see, because I grew up around drinking and um drugging a lot. My I'm a byproduct, I was born in 1970. My um parents were very hippie-ish, kind of in their party sense. Like they were able to manage their partying or their addictions to a degree. Um, but they didn't, they still got up with work, you know. My mother went to school and got a master's in political science. My dad held down the house, you know. But you know, drugs in that time were kind of not really accepted so much as not frowned upon. Yeah, well, whatever, let them do them. And so it was always around and it was always there, but it was always a luxury or something we did um or people did as uh on the weekend to unwind, and then the weekend turned to Monday night football, and then half of the week on Wednesday, and then Friday night and Saturday night. And so, you know, I'm not saying they were that way, they managed that. I could not. I could not. And I know people are like, hey, you want to go have a drink? I'm having a drink in a couple weeks, I'm gonna go out. No, I don't know, or whatever, right? And so for those people who can manage it, um, I was not one of those. And so I picked up the avenues of problem solving um through substance use and through other various means. But um, so my story went like that, and I spent over a decade um on the streets of Chicago. Now, what happened to me was Chicago Heights is kind of like the brother to Hammond. Gary. You know, Chicago Heights is somewhere between Hammond and Gary. Um, and so there's still decent little pockets here and there, but they're old Italian, Polish people, and you know, they're that generation that said they'd never move. So for me, Chicago had this armpit that went down 394 and every exit you could get high. And so um I took advantage of that. Now, as a side note, I struggled with um as a kid, my first memories of my father leaving, and so um I struggled a lot emotionally, and I had demons that I believed were the thing that chained me to my addiction. And um, in that when I came, my mom got remarried, we moved into a new neighborhood all within this time frame. And next thing I know, I'm in a special ed class, and they tell me I have this ADD thing. I was actually one of the first 50 people to receive the drug Ridlin in Cook County um as a test. And they were just, you know, next thing you know, it's just popping off. They give it away like candy now. And um, so my very first addiction was to a medically prescribed drug called Ritalin, and it had a very clockwork, clockwork orange effect on me. So I became kind of lucid like this all the time. And um, my mother noticed, and she took me to a lot of doctors, they put wires to my head, put me through a machine, and uh said he's got ADD. We need to put him in this thing. And my mother said, What test told you that? Like, well, it's not really a test, it's just a process of elimination. We don't really know what to call it, but you know, I believe God just made me to run hot. I'm a very um expressive person, you would say. And so um to handle the effects and the social stigma that incurs from being in special ed in 1977, my mother enrolled me in a martial arts class, which I pursued, um, and it was like the lighthouse in the fog of my life. And while special ed and other issues kept me insecure and kind of capitulating to every fear that came my way, martial arts was a place where I could go that nobody knew me. They didn't know about my deficiencies or my defects, and so it was a place that I had um that allowed me kind of a sanctuary, you know, was a church for me. And uh I stayed with it my whole life, and then living in Chicago Heights, my mom had let troubled teens kind of stay at the house, and so I was always scrapping it up with neighborhood gangers, gangbangers, Latin Kings, so forth, Latin counts. And um, you know, I wound up going out for the Olympics. I was a professional cage fighter, and uh before I became an addict, and so being an addict and having a skill set, I wound up fighting on the streets for money. I collected money for the mob. Um, I collected money for anybody who wanted it to be honest when times were tough. And so um I spent about 10 to 13 years doing that, you know, dodged a lot of bullets, um, got some stab wounds, all the things, you know. Um, you know, looking like me, living in Cook County jail, that doesn't, you know what I mean? Doesn't you gotta hook up and start praying with the prayer groups if you want to stay out of trouble the best you can. At least that was my experience. Um, and so um, you know, they took my daughter from me, and uh that was the knot at the end of my rope. It was really the kind of thing that's like, you know what? Hell with it. All in, all in, give me the pipe. And I went nonstop after that for about four years. I just couldn't, it was bad, man. It was real, real bad. And uh man, I don't know, you know, the old the old saying, sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I remember I had a spiritual kind of awakening in my addiction because I had foxhole prayers, all the things, right? Seven days up, now I'm laying on a church, going laying on a church steps, going, please God, take it from me. Now that I'm out of money and out of don't, please take the addiction from me, right? So I done this so many times, and I just remember waking up one of those times on the steps, and it was just like something higher power-ish was like kind of like giving me the what for. It's like you want me to remove the guilt that you did after seven days of thing. I can't take this from you. It's in the past already. You've already logged this. I can't do this. Come to me before, and I'll see what I can do. And so, what he's doing is saying, Do you want to quit? Do you really? Because you've lost everything. I'll take your daughter. The next thing I'm gonna take is your breath. Because I've already done the institutions, I've already done the jails, and my life has been stripped from me piece by piece. And I think it was that torment that I realized that was both being hijacked, like I'm being held hostage by something greater than me that's not good. Right? Like that feeling, I think most honest addicts will say, and I'll tell people and families that I work with of addicts, I'll let them know that you're not stop blaming the person, blame the addiction. The person is the host for the addiction. Are they choosing? Yes, but I promise you, the decision-making process, as it was for me, was not made by me. My decisions were made by my addiction, and so I lost control, and so I had to learn to get my own decision-making process back, and that meant going to my higher power before I used. And every time I did that, I gained a little bit more decision-making power back. And was it hard physically? The the re yes, habit, habit, the stacking habits. Go to the spot, hustle the money, wait, hustle the money, go to the spot, get high, go to this, and then replay this all over. This is the habit stacking that we did, or that I did as an addict. And um, so yeah, it was, you know, and you're staring your own actions in your face, and you realize this I am powerless. So if I'm powerless, then truly, truly, something greater than me is making this decision for me. Not only a physical thing, but something bigger than that. And I have to realize that there's a demon who's chained addiction to me. And somebody said this to me, and I'll never forget it. And he said, God's goal for you, his purpose for you wasn't to get sober, his purpose for you needs you to be sober. And I was like, Oh, damn it! You know, like, oh, you showed me my potential and my purpose, and now you've given me the power. Because if it wasn't any of it my fault, if there's any way that I couldn't fix it, then I have no say over it. I'm powerless, but I'm powerful. And it was important to me to learn where I wasn't and where I was. And I didn't, unfortunately, I didn't have a good drug court, I didn't have a sponsor, I didn't have meetings, right? I had a parole person, I had, you know, people law enforcement that show up looking for me for child support or for didn't show up for court here. And I was running scared. And I wish that that three years I'd have given over to a sponsor. I wish I'd have given over because it dragged me through glass. And so one of the things they came out of recovery with is like going, you know what? What as I stepped into recovery was like, don't do what I did. Because I'm over there like a blind man, you know, and and and I'm working, I ran security in clubs in Chicago. I have this skill set, so I wound up running all these securities, and even in the nicer champagne lounge, the guy from Costa Rica, he's trying to hand me a bag. Do you understand? Because if he hands me the bag, I it gives him permission to sell in the club. And so you have people literally handing your drugs, and you're going to the traditions, and you said, Hey, bro, we're not rock stars as recovering addicts. We don't do these things anymore. So I had to remove myself even from that space because that space too proved too much for me. And um, so that's when I made a decision to just um open up a school, teach people to help save their lives from what I was a part of. And um from there I've been able to take that career and work it into a more recovery-based, growth-centered um ideology that embraces that change, that looks forward to that change, because that's what I was afraid of the most, my comfortable misery. And that's where I had control. I had to look at my comfortable misery, I had to look at myself and say, man, you're driving the bus and right off the cliff, man. Hit the brakes, take some time, do some isolation, breathe, focus. And that's how I came up with the name.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Dude, Michael, you are amazing, man. So I'm so glad that you've come on here and are talking with us, and you've you've hit on so many, uh, you have so many triggers, if you will, for conversation, um, the powerlessness that you talk about, you know, and you know, when in in in my program, we talk about that in the first step: powerlessness and unmanageability. And we talk about a higher power, and anything can become our higher power, right? And when I let alcohol and drugs become my higher power, then uh, you know, everything I do is based on it. I love what you were saying there because I talk, I go, I like to go, I go to rehabs, right? And I go to detox and we talk about powerlessness. And I have I tell them alcohol and drugs made me do things that I didn't want to do. I didn't want to make my mom cry, but I did. Made me say things that I would have never said, some of the terrible things that I said to people. I would never have said that in my right mind, but alcohol and drugs allowed me to do that and hurt people that I would never have hurt. And and it was alcohol and drugs that that you know allowed this to happen. I mean, when it when we talk about higher powers, alcohol and drugs were my higher power. And you know, when uh when we when we come into recovery and find a higher power of our own understanding, be it God or whatever, it's uh it's turning over a new leaf. And I mean, the what the line that you said about purpose, uh, that was absolutely brilliant. I saw Krista. Krista, you saw you heard that line. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_02 14:51

You've said a lot of cool things, like your perspective. We we hear a lot of recovery talk every day. A lot of it's like repetitive, but a different perspective on it. I um I what did you say about the purpose? Something what was that?

unknown 15:09

You gotta.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

John, would you tell me what she said? I can't hear for some reason.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Well, she's she's asking you to re reiterate what you said about uh purpose. Um, God doesn't want, God didn't put a purpose.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Yes, God didn't, I don't it was a whisper from my higher power, something that I knew that was not from myself. And I know that because it always asked me to do something I don't want to do. And it said to me, um, God's purpose isn't for you to be sober, God's purpose needs you to be sober to fulfill the purpose, right? Because for me, getting sober was everything. Once I got sober, why don't I just walk on clouds, right? What's going on? How come life isn't so easy? And it's because um I wasn't chasing something bigger than myself, my higher power. When, like you said, I like the way you say it. I always say I like my lower power, but I like that too, right? Your higher power because it's making all my decisions for me. I'm making my decisions in um representation of drugs and alcohol. Um all my decision making is being made by that. Where when I switch that over, it goes from being a self-centered, selfish thing where I feel like I'm being like pimped out by my addiction in every sense of the word. And saying things to people, which you said was very powerful when you said I didn't mean to make my mother cry, I didn't want to. And that that just really encompasses that kind of possession of the host. Like, I don't want to do any of this, and I can't explain to people what it's like to be powerless because everybody wants to be powerful. Imagine as a man saying, No, I can't handle that, I can't tackle that, that's not my thing. Now, if I say do you like golf, some will say, eh, right? But if you say to somebody, hey, you know, I are you power, no, I can figure it out. But to say I have no control over that, and to say I didn't want to make my mom cry. But drugs and alcohol made me do it. That's just a really big piece of understanding addiction and making it and stop making it about, oh, well, you just chose to do this. While I did, it's bigger than that. I made a decision, but I didn't make the decision. Drugs and alcohol made the decision. I made it in sponsorship of them. And I knew that just that my purpose was more, it has to be more. But I had something different, John. What I had was remembered success because I didn't hit my addiction until my 30s. So I was fortunate, both unfortunate and fortunate. Fortunate in the fact that I had gotten a house. I had had a marriage, I had done things that were hard work and so forth. Confidence is remembered success, period. There's that's just the definition of it in my in my book. You can't be confident unless you have remembered success. And if you don't, then we call it courage. Because you don't know how it's gonna work out. That's what makes you courageous, right? If I had no idea, and that's why people who step into recovery with no remembered success need to see themselves as courageous. And people like me, well, I know I'm confident I can do it. I've done it before. I've gotten a job before, I've gotten a house before, I've gotten a car before, I can do it again. As long as I get out of my way, I'll do it, no problem. But for a lot of people, even some of the guys I sponsor, like Mike, Mike, you know, nervous and getting a job, and what if I lose it now? Because you know, the responsibilities of reality start to catch up with us, not just being sobriety, but I gotta get the mail. And the mail used to be a place that triggered me, like you said. So, anyway, that's what I meant by purpose is by saying that sobriety is more than just staying clean, it's the idea that I can begin my pursuit of my purpose and hopefully walk alongside my potential.

SPEAKER_02 18:48

Yes, that needs to be a t-shirt.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

She said that needs to be a t-shirt. So I don't think Michael can't hear Krista. So I it is now my role, not only as interviewer, but interpreter. And uh, I will be I am glad to interpret all of Krista's talk to Michael. This is what this is great. We're gonna help sign language. He speaks Barbie.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

I know Jesus. I know Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

Jesus Christ, yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

So since you can't since you can't hear what Krista just said, Krista just said Johnny is her favorite person in the world. I can read something like I've got a series. So you just said something that kind of really sparked something. Um, you know, the the remembered success. I see this kind of as a double-edged sword, right? Because when we come into recovery, you know, now I came in very young. I was 26 when I got sober and I didn't have nothing. I didn't have a house. I didn't have a, I barely had a phone. I was on the phone plan where I'd go to Verizon for three months and didn't pay that bill. So I'd go to T-Mobile for three months and not pay that bill, and then I'd go to ATT and not pay that bill. That was it was a good plan for a while. It lasts, you know, four good companies. It lasted me about a year without having to pay a phone bill. Hey, hey. Um, but we c we all come in with low self-esteem, right? And I looked back and saw nothing, right? And and and I didn't have nothing, and I couldn't be nothing, and blah, blah, blah. And I see, you know, you came in later after having a little success in life, and and you had that remembered success. And some people could take that and use that as a positive perspective, but I can see people using that as a low self-esteem thing, like, what did I do? And you know, what have I done? I have been this person before, and now I'm this. Why? And that's what happened to me.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

It was a part of the process. Having that remembered success gave me a reflection of just how far I had fallen. I was a homeowner. I worked for the world's largest bakery, Nabisco, on 73rd and Kedzie. Right? I had worked my way up through blue-collar work, made a supervisor of different places. I wasn't an Ivy League guy, I wasn't a trust fund kid, nothing like that. I worked hard to get to where I was, worked hard to get a golden retriever, a home, a wife, and then lost it all. Right? For whatever reason that happened, I didn't lose it for drugs. I lost it because I was now coming from a person who got tired of capitulating. I'm gonna stand up for myself. And the overswing was too much, you know? And so the downside of looking at how far I had fallen, you get over it. I mean, not quick, but you just like I had fallen so far. But the reverse is always true in recovery. You start to realize, right? You you you've fallen that far, you can climb that far. That's how you know you can climb that far because you fell that far. And so I think it's a perspective shift, you know. In that perspective, it is a negative. Look how far I've fallen. It's really easy to get down on ourselves. It's very easy to do that. But I think from a coaching perspective or speaking or teaching, knowing that confidence is remembered success, and these people are stepping up and courage to take on recovery and tackle the worst parts of themselves and try to get in touch with someone that they don't even remember meeting inside of themselves, right? The best version of myself is waiting for me. And so it's my job to try to create a program that creates success on the smallest levels. So did you say you get up today? Are you sober? Success, baby. Now you remember this tomorrow. Tomorrow you remember you did this, right? Same. Hey man, did you make your bed today? Get them push-ups in? Did you read that chapter? Perfect. Right. So for me, I like to start at a baseline to build that confidence. Like physical, mental, emotional. Like, did you go to meetings? Did you go to your meetings for your emotional? Did you talk to your therapist? Did you talk to your co-workers or your social worker? Who'd you talk to? Right? And then are you reading? Because we gotta have we gotta jumpstart our system back, our thinking, or else we're just gonna feel sorry for our people, we two included, we'll just sit around feeling sorry for ourselves and never making a move and just envisioning everybody looking at us with pity, right? And so uh as a peer recovery coach, um, as a sponsor, someone who works in and on recovery through beyond recovery, I want to start that person experiencing small successes. Did you get up and run around the block today? No, no push-ups, no, did you meditate today? Did you just stop talking for five minutes? That was my biggest, as you could tell. My biggest, right? God made me to run hot. I'm very verbose. So there's times that I have to set size time aside. So if I can do that, just meditate, relax. Run around the block, read a chapter in a book, call mom, right? Uh, do those little things like that, and that's success, man. Success you never did before, you didn't give a crap about how mom was doing, right? You didn't you didn't care to run around the block unless you're chasing a bag. Come on. And so I think these are small successes at a baseline that help people get that confidence, Johnny, to kind of flip that switch. Then it's the other thing, it's like I know what I'm and I think this is part of the problem of recovery, is that I see now my potential, and it's like the back to the future picture. If you don't go after it, it will fade, and that then causes worse emotional things. And so, as a coach, as a sponsor, as whoever you are working in recovery, not just on recovery, that you're helping people not stay sedentary for too long. What is your potential? What is your purpose? You should be chasing this thing, or else we'll start to feel because if you don't, you'll start to you'll start to lose, pick sight of it, you lose sight of it. I even telling Jacqueline, she was like, What's wrong? I was like, I haven't been going to the gym like I should. And I know it, I know it. And so I have to be the one to stop that, you know, because once I stop it, you know, this in recovery, once you stop going to meetings, once I stop doing fellowship, once I stop talking to my sponsor, once I stop doing these, these things happen.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

You know, we talk uh we talk at lengths about the progressiveness of the disease, right? And you know, our life started up here, and over time it ended down here, and we progressively got worse and worse. Nobody comes to the program, nobody quits drinking uh because they're winning at life. No, they they get to a low point, and then when we get into recovery, that's also progressive. We don't just jump in and everything's beautiful. So I love your plan. I work that my program, it is it's it's quite negative, you know. First step is negative, admitting powerlessness. Oh man, that's tough. And then coming to find a higher power is great because and that's a start to our progression up. But I really like what you're talking about with the goals and setting small goals and accomplishing small goals. Build that self-esteem is the progression up. Stick around till the miracle happens. We've all heard that line. What is the miracle? The miracles when I can look in the mirror and actually say, I don't hate this person, right? You know, and this the more I can I can assimilate to you know a self-esteem lifestyle, the more things I can do. I love this, Michael. I love your program. Um, what uh okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna get back to my interview. Krista, do you have anything you need me to interpret for Michael?

SPEAKER_02 26:48

No, but I did at the beginning when he said um go to God before you make that choice. Go to God before instead of like asking for him to like save you after the fact. He went to God before he goes to God before he does anything.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Instead of that was powerful. Instead of going to God after the act, going to God before the act. She really enjoyed that one, Michael. And but she said that I'm still her favorite. Just saying.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I don't like this game anymore. I'm glad I didn't know you in the day, bro. We got in trouble. Uh anyway, um, Krista, thank you for that. Um, but that's why um in Lake County Drug Court we made it mandatory to read atomic habits to understand how those small successes create habits. And if you stack those habits, this is why you get in the habit of calling your sponsor, not when you want to use, because the only person I'm calling when I wanted to use was my dealer. So the only thing I can do then is make it such a habit, right? And going to God before I do anything must be the habit. Going to my higher power saying, Thank you, because I woke up today and I didn't know I was asleep until I woke up. True, right? So I woke up and I thank God right away, get on the line, amen. And then give me the patience I need today to deal with me. Because if I can deal with me, everybody else is a piece of cake. So, but I think one of the misnomers we get in the progression of our recovery is that because I'm clean, I'm sober, and because I'm sober, what else is there to do? I'm just I got a job, I got a house, Mike. What do you want me to do? You know, and I think that's part of the things where people die. I like the steps that you're using, and I try to have a collaborative exercise according to each step, like you said, breaking things down, higher power. What does it mean? This insanity thing. What does it mean? Are you really insane? Making someone else's decisions, someone else, right? And one of the things I find with my sponsees and myself was that fourth step. And it wasn't really the moral inventory, like I'm afraid to look at the things I've done. I was pretty open and honest about that. It was just leaving it behind. And if I may, I um I in this new book, I'm just about to finish, I talk about the story where I heard um I'm I'm I'm in church. This lady walks up and she trips up the stairs and she says, Not today, devil. And you could hear it on the microphone. So you got the the congregation gave as usual Christian, like, oh that was you guys, and I thought to myself, because I'm a cynic in my head, right? I'm an addict in a cynic. And I say, Yeah, right. Shimma's full up the stairs, people are diving, dying, genocide's happening, all these things are happening, but she stayed the devil just right there from falling up the stairs. I was sarcastic about it, right? I saw this, like, really with all the and but you so I had to get over myself a little bit and realize that in religion, the daily declarations of power over that addiction. What a powerful way to start my day. What a powerful way that no matter what happens, whether they drop a bomb on me, something happens, I run out of food. Today, my higher power gave me the strength to stay away that addiction, to keep all those things away. Whether I get angry, happy, sad, mad, glad, I'm not using today. I am not picking up that crack pipe and going to town. And I think that those daily declarations of going to God before and making those, or else you'll be saying foxhole prayers. You will be in the ninth inning going, please, God, please, don't let me get arrested again. I'll lose my kid. Right? But if I go before, if I go before and I start my day, just like I call my sponsor, just like this. Yep, make sure because my sponsor's gonna call me in a way. So those habits, I think, are the things that do that. That's the thing that is a pure recovery coach, is a sponsor, whatever coaching I'm doing, even if it's people outside of addiction, like when be when we're beyond recovery, the same tools that got me sober will free me from the demon that chased me to it and will propel me forward. I've used the 12 steps in so many other areas besides addiction. I was in a relationship where I'm like calling my sponsor, going, Oh my god, you know what I mean? And so each step, but the fourth, the fourth meant I had to leave that person behind. And when I say to Christians who make those things, like I use the example of not today, devil, they make the declarations. When you say you were reborn, what'd you do with the old you? Because I got years of the old me who won't let go. And I prayed and I prayed, and so I realized at that time for myself, and maybe not some, but others, they needed a progression of like almost saying goodbye. I'm sure you people in rehab have written obituaries to their addiction and done these things, and I think that is the hardest thing. Not only the most courageous thing, not only do I not know where I'm going, I've never been there before, but I'm saying goodbye to the only comfortable misery I know. It may be miserable, but it's the only thing I know. You know, and so it's very difficult when that for me and for the people I know around that stage four, not just because of inventory, but because of leaving a piece of me behind. And then who am I? At least I know I'm a piece of trash addict. I have no idea what the future holds except for more failure.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Michael, man, I'm telling you, you are a uh breath of fresh air, brother. I'm telling you, I love everything about it. I'm gonna jump into the comments real quick because I got a friend, Deanne, who is in the comments and she's a friend from the area. She probably lives closer to you than me. And uh, she's asking if Krista can come speak at work release because she does service work there. And uh unfortunately, Krista lives in South Carolina, but if she comes up here, I'm gonna hook you guys up and Krista can come and do some service work up here. That'd be awesome.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

And Johnny, I gotta watch Johnny go do his workouts.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Oh, I'm gonna go do Michael's workouts. Is that what you say? And that's uh phenomenal. Let's uh let's talk about purpose. Let's talk about finding purpose and what you did to find your purpose and how you go about helping others find theirs, right?

SPEAKER_00 33:38

So I think finding purpose is one of those um solitude events, you know, enough time in solitude, and I think like when we get out of recovery, it's easy to say, I want to work in recovery. What else do we know? We're familiar. I have insider trading intel on recovery. Surely I could help. So it's it's like clear to a lot of people. Um, other people were like, no, I'm not really interested in letting addiction define me where I stay in it. I actually want it to refine me and go on and do other things, right? Like, I want to get this job, I want to, I want to reconnect with the dreams I had as a kid, you know? And I think when I talk about the purpose, I want you to understand that on one side is my purpose, and on the other side of me is my potential. And I'll find the other when the other one gets there, they show up mutually. Yes? Your potential, the best version of you and what you do naturally with flow being yourself. Of course, everybody needs training and education, and whether it's you're gonna be in construction or whether you're gonna work in retail, maybe sales, right? Maybe you want to start like an own business of like your own recovery house. You want to do something like that. That takes some knowledge that you don't get just because you feel good. You have to know business, you have to know real estate, you have to know taxes, you have to know your town. And I think that when you can walk with your purpose and potential side by side, I believe you're walking in the light of God, right? You're walking with that thing. I made you for this, and I made you capable of this, and here you are with them both. Then does it matter what you're doing? I would suggest no. And in my latest book, Momentum, I talk about that, how to get that create force through will, skill, and practicing those. Like when I wanted to work in coaching people, I said I'm gonna become a peer recovery coach because I want to help people in the dick type of thing. So that's a drill that I use to carry something on bigger than that, more than that, a bigger audience. And um, so I'm able to explore my potential and my purpose at the same time. It's not for me to say what job is best for you. What I do is ask that person, have you reached your potential? Now look to the other side of you. What seems natural? What do you feel you're good at? Well, might not be the thing I like the most, but probably I teach martial arts. When I was a kid, I had dreams about teaching martial arts. More like in the karate kid, you know, the guy who's drinking strogs living in the school. I lived in my school. I I did. I lived in my school for eight months. Um, I didn't use her anything like that, but that's what I always wanted to be. And when I got sober, I found my potential physically, mentally. Um, I wrote a book on the subject called War Room. Um, I'm regarded by the best in the world as one of the best. So I was very fortunate in that that I had I and people say, Mike, you stuck this uh this profession out a long time to get where you're at. And I said, Well, recovery taught me a lot of endurance. A lot of endurance I gained in recovery, and I still gain it, you know? And um, so for me, my purpose was felt alongside of my potential. What are you capable of? What do you love doing? And can you be the best at it? Now look right next to you and find that purpose that's tied into that potential. Yes, for you, Johnny, it may just be I'm a good-looking dude who speaks well, I'm really funny, and I can teach you about recovery. See, she liked that. She liked it. And uh so you, whatever, right? Everybody finds their their niche, there, but it's not necessarily a clever little thing, it's a purpose because I'm willing to sacrifice of myself for something better than myself, and when you do that, you have unlimited potential. It's like the higher powers just throw it at you. It's like, hey, you're working for free? Have it, have it, unlike every other system on the planet. This one says, if you're now there's gonna be a lot of resistance towards doing something for others as your purpose. You want to do something for yourself and make a lot of money? Easy cheesy. I know a lot of crack dealers who made a lot of money. Okay, wasn't that hard? I know people who stock people make a lot of money. Do something that makes a difference instead of making a dollar and tell me how hard it is. How hard was it to even have a darn podcast today? Yes, yeah, but I'm used to resistance, I'm used to just go keep going, keep going, don't give up, keep going. Got this device, right? And so that endurance that we get, this is how you know you're in your purpose, is because you're facing these things that are resistful. And this is just like recovery. I knew it was right because it was hard, it was difficult. So it's forcing me to dig deeper to realize a bigger part of myself that's unselfish, and then pursue that. Yes, and then when I don't want to do it, pursue it some more. Like the saying goes, when things are good, help people. When things are bad, help several people. That's sacrificial.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

That's that's I mean, this is uh this is something that goes back to the forever. You know, we've been taught we talk about helping others, and why do we help others? We help others because it helps us. And when we're naturally selfish, self-centered, and dishonest, because that's one, those are the character traits of people in addiction, where we only think about ourselves and that's it. To to get out of that and to change. That's the third step promise, right? When I turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understand him, I will think about my fellows more than I do myself. Why? Because I don't have to worry about me anymore. I've turned my will and life over to God, I have to think about others. There's a great book by uh Rick Warren. Um, Rick Warren, uh A Purpose-Driven Life. Yeah, that oh, I'm telling you, it's it's it's amazing. And it's 40 days, and you read a couple pages each day, and it culminates with what you're supposed to be doing. And I I I mean, for myself, it came out uh I'm supposed to be helping others. I'm sure you came out to helping others, and I think everybody just needs to go out and focus on helping others a little more. And when I do that, what like we talked about with self-esteem, if I help somebody else, I feel better about me because I'm not doing what I always did. And you know, we still have to take care of ourselves, we still have to feed our families, we still have to work, we but to be able to um add to it is uh is amazing. And um, Michael, let's talk about your books, man. I want to talk about what you you've written multiple books and you've got one coming out. Let's talk about those.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

Well, the first book, and and uh people asked me when I wrote it, uh, when it came out, they're like, Oh, this is a book, we're gonna hear all those stories and stuff. No, this was just um an experiential book, and you know, you have to write the first book before you can write the real good book because this was like that, right? And so this is um this is Jacqueline has this display on my school. So this is called War Room. This is uh a counterbalance playbook. It's everything that I've learned um in reality-based self-protection, right? From a kid taking karate, then taekwondo, and then you know, in the 70s, and everything was Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, and so um as a kid who had been martial arts since I was uh nine or ten years old, um I went out, I went to school for criminal justice, was gonna be a cat, all those things, you know. I could not be a better law breaker than a law enforcer. So that's the road that you know. I know sometimes you can choose or not, but um the skill set I had, I was a competition fighter, type one though, I was a point kickboxer, um, I was a cage fighter. Uh, I fought along the sides of guys like Matt Hughes. Um, you know, those would probably the that was a different time frame, right? Back then we didn't have any rounds. There was no UFC, or there was, but it was still in the Hoist Gracie days. So what I did is I I rolled nickels forever to go to California, and I stayed with the Gracie's and I stayed with uh some Navy SEAL instructors and some street fighters, and um, I went to bodyguard school and did all those young aggressive things. And um, then I went to the streets, and the streets don't look like they tell you it looks like when you're when your self-defense instructor says, Krista, when someone grabs your wrist, you do this. You go, Man, ain't nobody grabbing my wrist. You're gonna punch me in the face, throw me in the back of a van, and head out. That's what's that's the truth. Nobody's grabbing your wrist unless they're asking you on the dance floor, right? And so I was like, listen, beware of self-defense seminars given by police or stuff like that. Go to a place where someone's calling you the worst things you've ever heard, trying to put his hands on your throat, spitting in your face, telling you you're a shitty mother, and then get out of the fucking house. Now fight him. Right. And so I understood from the streets that what they showed me in this little comfortable classroom with the mats and a nice little referee and pads was not that. And I kind of knew because I was a bouncer and a cage fighter, and I kind of knew this already, but that was the last chink in the armor for me, right? In terms of application and knowledge, was saying, okay, I got this guy, and then boom, getting hit unconscious, waking up on Chicago Road, boom, blood pouring out of my head. I got hit with a hammer or crowbar or something, hard metal, and I'm passed out, and that blood pouring out of my head. And do you know the cars were going around me? And so I get up and I'm dripping blood. I go to the nearest bar that I know, running to the bathroom, and then hit the car lot that I know with the car open in the back, and I got a little candle in there and some snacks. And I just laid there, man, and I wept and I wept. Not because I got my ass kicked, because that's just part of the game. I wept because no one stopped to pull me out the street. And so I realized, ah A, fighting all wrong. B, this is the level that I have reached. Yeah. And so as far as the martial arts went, I learned that it was not like this dojo thing. It wasn't even like the UFC. It is kinda, but not really, like NASCAR and Formula One. And they're kind of the same, but not really. Tennis and racquetball. And so I used that after about 13 years of, you know, dodge and death. I wound up um sober. And I'd be honest with you, I was praying. I I was teaching on a side, struggling with work, and I was sitting in front of my school.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

Oh no, Michael, what happened? He was right in the thick of it. Oh no. What you know what I just heard, Krista, and I don't know if you heard it. So Michael was describing, you know, being on the streets and beating and going in the car. And I don't know if you heard the same story I did, but I heard the story of the good Samaritan. And, you know, the Samaritan who showed up and helped the person, his enemy, who was laying on the ground. And, you know, and you know, we need a and you know, Michael needed a Samaritan then. Um and and even though he didn't get one, even though he had uh, you know, he was he was praying for something, he still, you know, acts the good Samaritan now. Uh I don't know. That's just I heard that. Uh-oh, we might be back. We might be back in business. But she can't can he hear you, Michael. You're on mute. You're on mute. Uh, I can't hear you. Um can you hear me? I can hear you. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:07

Okay, I can't hear you. Okay. My sponsor called me and it screwed up the entire system. Um okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

So can't he watch it on another?

SPEAKER_00 46:23

Can you hear me though? You can hear me though, yes? We can hear you. For some reason, I just can't hear you. Um is Megan on?

SPEAKER_02 46:33

Megan. But I maybe can I leave and come right back.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Yes. Yeah. And I I'm I'm telling you, Krista, that uh that good Samaritan just uh jumped into my head, and I think that you know what I heard?

SPEAKER_02 46:54

I heard God talking because we you guys will all see in a week or two our podcast that we filmed yesterday. Can you hear us?

SPEAKER_00 47:05

I hear everybody. I hear I hear you. You can hear me. Anyway, my sponsor called and threw everything off kilter. So anyway, we're back.

SPEAKER_01 47:14

I apologize.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

Sponsor me.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

It's okay, it's okay. Um, you know, so Michael, your your first book is out. We put the link in the comments for your for War Rooms. Uh, and your next book that's coming out is called Momentum. When does that come out? Should be out in October.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

Yes, the editing process is should be done in uh, you know, this is one of those things, if I may. AI wants to do everything for me, even wanted to write the book. And I was like, no, but it's not gonna give you my stories and all the things. And um, it'll it will should be out by October.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

So it takes a little bit longer when you're doing it yourself and running a business and all that.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

Yeah. I think when it comes out, we're gonna have you on here again, and we'll give out some signed copies and stuff like that uh to people who view this. Because I think I think that you uh your message is so strong. What you're doing is so valuable. I don't know if you heard we were talking, um, you know, I when you were telling your story about being beaten and and and in the car and all that stuff. I just I heard the story of the Good Samaritan, you know, and you didn't have a good Samaritan come and help you. You know, God put you through the ringer that you needed to go through to get where you are, but now you get to act the Good Samaritan still. And you know, I'm thinking of this is all process. I mean, like I wish, you know, I was there then and I could go and help you, but this is what we get to do now. And we learn this from uh each other's stories, and we give not only hope to those who need the Good Samaritan, but to people that they actually get to be that today. And I actually get to help people in their life. Krista gets to help you, you get to help with anybody who's listening. We get to help people today and be that that that spark in their life, however it may be. And all the stuff you're doing is just brilliant, man.

SPEAKER_00 49:17

You know, just and I'm you guys are doing great stuff. I really appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

The the the the I'm telling you, this is gonna stick with me. Just the the small goals and and giving sponsees and and giving you know other people just small goals that they can they they can feel better about themselves, you know. Getting giving the having the ability to do that is amazing. And you know, and you know, I really liked all the stuff that we've talked about today with our with purpose. Um, all the conversations about God. You you've given us so many humdingers, dude. Humdinger. That's a uh that's an old uh Facebook reference. I remember, I remember. Don't do that again. Don't do that again. Um, but uh, but I'm telling you, and Michael, it's crazy. I mean, we grew up in the in the same area. When you said Chicago Road, I grew up right off Chicago Road in Dalton.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

And oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

Yeah, and uh, so it's uh it's pretty wild. And uh when Krista comes, we'll I'll take her, I'll give her a tour. Are you coming up, Krista?

SPEAKER_02 50:26

I maybe. I come from a resort beach island where there's a lot of privilege, and um no one talks about the crime. And um my purpose right now is to speak up on what's really going on. That's what I'm doing. Where'd he go again? Oh, he's here.

SPEAKER_01 50:46

We can't Michael anymore, but we can still hear you. Everybody, everybody bleeped off. I can see everybody, I can hear everybody. Well, but anyway, we are we are closing shop. Um, Michael, thank you so much for coming and sharing with us today.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

So good, and the whole like talking about endurance. We recorded a podcast yesterday, and that was kind of like where we were going with that. And it's God's talking, he's speaking loud and clear between yesterday and today.

SPEAKER_00 51:17

And I'd like to do this again with you guys. You guys are awesome. Um, I really apologize about the tough technical difficulties. I'm sure the next time we visit it, uh, we'll have it resolved and be able to have a more fluid conversation.

SPEAKER_02 51:30

We gotta do a podcast.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

And Michael, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, everybody, for tuning in today. Um, as usual, God loves you, and so do we. And uh we'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

Thank you, guys.