Perfectionism Is Burning Out Working Moms: 3 Ways to Stop Doing Everything Perfectly

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If you’re tired of overthinking, delaying, and carrying guilt like it’s your job, start here: Working Mom Guilt Breakthrough

In this episode, we’re talking about how perfectionism quietly burns out working moms. I share a personal story about creating my first postpartum mothers group and getting stuck on every detail, the title, the length, the structure, all of it. When the group finally launched, the women who joined said it was exactly what they had been looking for, and that became a powerful reminder that sometimes the thing you’re trying to perfect is the thing someone else is waiting for.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why perfectionism makes you delay good things.
• Why it makes rest feel impossible.
• How it turns small mistakes into big guilt.
• Why control is not the same thing as peace.

If this episode resonated with you, I encourage you to go back and listen to the earlier episodes too, because these conversations build on each other and will give you more context and encouragement.

Need support?
Email me at Hello@ChristinaRunnels.com

Listen next

• Episode 10: From Burned Out to "Boldly Both": 5 Practical Changes to Feel Like Yourself Again in 90 Days
• Episode 9: Losing Yourself as a Working Mom? 3 Steps to Reclaim Your Identity and Ambition

Transcript

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Do you ever feel like if you just did one more thing? Maybe if you just checked one more box or fixed one more little detail, then maybe you'd feel calm. Like if the house were more organized, maybe your inbox was cleaner or your lunches were better packed, then you'd be able to exhale. If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. This episode is for the high-achieving working mom who is tired of feeling like she has to do everything perfectly just to feel okay. But before we dive in, I want to say something personal. When I first launched the first 10 episodes of Lead Like a Mother, I had no idea what the response would be. I mean, of course, I hoped the show would resonate, but I didn't know if anyone would really hear themselves in it. And guys, you did. I heard from so many of you saying things like, This is my life, or I thought I was the only one. And honestly, I was so overwhelmed, but in the best way. So I paused and I asked myself, what do you really need from me next? And the answer kept showing up again and again. You don't need more pressure, more tips. Of course, you do not need another list of things to do. You needed help getting out of the guilt and perfectionism spiral. And that's why I created the Working Mom guilt breakthrough. It's a super short, 15-minute free reset that helps you identify your guilt patterns, look at the story underneath it, and it interrupts the spiral before it turns into burnout. And today I want to talk about the thing that so often feeds that spiral, perfectionism. Let's get into it. Welcome to Lead Like a Mother, the podcast for high-achieving working moms burning out from the mental load, mom guilt, and endless juggling. If you're exhausted but wired, snappy after meetings, and Googling working mom burnout at midnight, this is your space. I'm Christina Runnels, licensed therapist, author of Boldly Boat, and fellow working mom with practical tools to balance career, motherhood, and leadership without losing yourself. You're in the right place. Let's lead like a mother. When I was creating my first group for postpartum moms, I got stuck on absolutely everything. Y'all, I mean everything from the title to the length, whether it should be six weeks or eight weeks. How do I describe it? And I just kept ruminating on every little detail. And I told myself that once I got it all just right, then I'd be ready to launch it. But what actually happened was I delayed the start over and over again. And it wasn't because the group wasn't valuable. Honestly, it wasn't because I didn't know what the women needed. It was because I kept getting caught in the need to make it perfect. And when it finally did start, the women who joined shared how much they loved it. They said it was exactly what they had been looking for. And honestly, for me, as a recovering perfectionist, that was just such a wake-up call. Because all that time I spent trying to perfect it did not make it more useful. It just kept it from helping the women who needed it sooner. And that is when I really started to see perfectionism doesn't just slow you down, it keeps you from serving the people with what you already have. And I think so many of us working moms do the same thing, just in different ways. I mean, we keep tweaking, second-guessing, overthinking, delaying, even. And we tell ourselves we're being responsible. But sometimes we're just stuck in fear. So here's the first thing that perfectionism does to us working moms: it makes you delay good things. Perfectionism tells you that if you just keep refining it, then it will finally be ready. But ready keeps moving. You fix one thing, then another thing shows up, and then another. And so you stay in preparation mode instead of actually moving forward. And that can happen with so much more than just business. I mean, that can happen with a decision, even a conversation, a project, and the next step you already know you need to take. You think more time is gonna give you clarity, but honestly, sometimes more time just gives you more time to overthink. And friends, overthinking is not wisdom. A lot of the time, it's fear disguised as wisdom. The second thing perfectionism does is it just makes rest feel impossible. Because if everything has to be perfect, then nothing ever feels finished. And if nothing feels finished, then you never feel like you've earned rest. So you keep pushing, you keep doing, you keep carrying more than you should. And this is one of the biggest lies that perfectionism tells working moms. It says rest is something you get after you've earned it. That means for many of us, after the house is caught up, after the emails are answered, after the kids are settled, after everything feels under control. But there's always another thing. Always. So if rest only comes after everything is perfect, guess what that means? You'll never rest. And eventually your body starts feeling it, your mind starts feeling it. You get snappier, more anxious, of course, less present, and you stop enjoying things that used to feel simple. And because you're still functioning, you may tell yourself, I'm fine, I've got this. But we all know functioning is not the same thing as thriving. Here's what it can look like at home, too. It can look like rewriting a text five times because you don't want to sound careless or over planning your evening so nobody gets disappointed. Maybe even feeling guilty because dinner was late or because the laundry is still sitting there. It looks like you're getting irritated with your kids and then immediately making that mean something about you. But that is not the real problem. The real problem is when perfectionism convinces you that normal human messiness means you are failing. And that, guys, that's a scary place because that is where burnout starts to creep in. The third thing perfectionism does is it turns small mistakes into big guilt. One imperfect moment can turn into a whole story about what you should have done better. You miss a thing, you say the wrong thing, maybe you lose your patience, or you didn't follow through the way you wanted to. And instead of seeing that one moment, for the one moment it was, perfectionism turns it into a pattern. It says, you should be better, you should be more patient, you should be more organized, you should be handling this better. And once guilt gets involved, everything feels heavier because you replay it, you second guess it, you try to make up for it, and that constant pressure is exhausting. Not because you're doing everything wrong, but because you're trying so hard not to. Here's one more thing perfectionism can make you confuse control with peace. And I think this is one a lot of us working moms need to hear. If everything is organized enough, planned enough, polished enough, it can feel like you're ahead of it, like you're in front of it. But having control is not peace. You can have a beautifully managed calendar and still feel fully overwhelmed. You can be a strong, capable woman and still feel completely depleted. Perfectionism promises calm, but the reality is what it usually gives you is tension, and tension in your nervous system is tiring, it keeps you braced, scanning, planning. It keeps you from ever fully exhaling. That's why so many working moms feel like they're always on, not because they want to be, but because they don't know how to stop trying to hold everything together. That is literally why I created the working mom guilt breakthrough. Because perfectionism and guilt are often working together. Perfectionism starts by saying, do more, be better, fix it. And guilt comes right next to it and says, You're behind, you're falling short. And we know when burnout enters, it says, I can't keep doing this. So grab your 15-minute free reset that just helps you identify your guilt patterns and the lies you're telling yourself about it. Because the goal is to interrupt that spiral before it turns into shame. And honestly, if perfectionism has been running the show in your life, this is a really great place to start. Because when you can name what's happening, you can start interrupting it. So maybe today your first step is not trying to fix your whole life. Don't start that. It's noticing where you're overthinking something that is already good enough. Maybe it's noticing where you're using more energy than necessary to make something look polished. Or maybe it's telling or asking yourself, am I improving this? Or am I stalling? Because that question alone, guys, can save you so much time, energy, and of course that emotional load. And the truth is, you do not need to earn the right to move forward. You do not need to be flawless to be helpful. You don't need to have every detail perfect to make a difference. So go grab the working mom guilt breakthrough in the show notes. It's quick, it's free, it's made for working moms who are tired of carrying guilt, like it's part of the job. And if this episode showed you that perfectionism has been costing you more than you realize, that is not a failure. That is information. And information is the beginning of change. I'm Christina Reynolds, and I'll talk to you in the next episode. Thanks for listening today. I hope this episode gave you something honest to sit with and something hopeful to hold on to. You do not need to keep earning your rest. You do not need to keep proving that you can handle it all. And you do not need to keep doing life the hard way. I'm so glad you were here, and I'll talk to you soon.