Obsessing Over Tying Your Shoes, Making Your Bed & Benjamin Chipman

Emily and Kyle kick things off by airing a few of their biggest pet peeves. Plus, Emily talks about the new bathing suit that's flattering for all body types and Kyle shares the inexpensive tool that’s helping relieve his TMJ and snatching his face.

Then content creator Benjamin Chipman stops by the WOWY Offices to talk about Boston tropes, how to network, tips for making friends with straight men, and what everyone should be doing by the time they turn 25. Later, he reveals his ~AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITY~ related obsession and plays an all-new round of Obsessed or Over It, where things take a brief turn when Paris Hilton comes up.

00:00 – Welcome to WOWY
04:54 – Emily’s Obsession
08:02 – Kyle’s Obsession
13:16 – Benjamin's Interview
26:29 – Benjamin's Obsession
38:14 – Obsessed or Over It

New show, new obsessions, every Wednesday.

*Hosts:* Emily Hymes and Kyle O'Donnell
*Guest:* Benjamin Chipman
*Executive Producer:* Julia Aubuchon
*Producers:* Drew Downing and Ben Gottlieb
*Graphic Designer:* Maddie Jones
*Original Music:* Reuben Alexander
*For RaffHouse Productions:* Haleigh Raff and Glenn Raff

Keep in touch:
Instagram » http://bit.ly/4p5Dsxm
TikTok » https://bit.ly/47YvkbR
Email » wereobsessedwithyou@gmail.com

This Week's Obsessions:
Emily: Hunza G Square Neck Bathing Suit
Kyle: Acupressure Pen (h/t @sherryshaoling)
Benjamin: Standing Plans

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We're Emily and Kyle. We started as coworkers in late night television and now we're best friends exploring NYC and our FYPs.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

This is an interview show about obsessions. Ours, theirs, and maybe yours too. Welcome to We're Obsessed With You. No.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

I will not be responding.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Hi, Emily. Anytime soon.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Hi, Kyle.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Hi, everyone. Welcome to We're Obsessed With You. I'm Kyle O'Donnell.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

And I'm Emily Himes.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

And this is our show where we talk to the people we're obsessed with about the things they're obsessed with.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

How's your week going, Emily?

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Week is going awesome.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

I'm so happy to hear that. I really got a grind in my gear today when I realized there's something I have to do every single day that I absolutely hate doing. It does not make my life better. I hate tying my shoes.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

I This is so funny. I did not know that this was gonna be it.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

I hate tying my shoes. I think the entire thing is a sham.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Do you think it's embarrassing?

SPEAKER_02 1:07

I think, okay, I gotta get the shoes. I need to go now sit down. I have to find a chair to sit down to tie my shoes.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Oh, so you bend down instead of bringing your foot up.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

But I'm supposed to tie my shoes standing up?

SPEAKER_00 1:19

No, like sometimes Mike will put it like on a chair or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

No, because then my shoes are touching I I personally agree.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Do you know what I do to tie my shoes?

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Don't? You just slide them in.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Well, I do have Solomons that don't have a tie. But when I do have to any shoe, actually, I'll sit down on the ground, which is pretty embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Okay, see, this is my point.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

I am on the ground every day putting my shoes on like I'm four.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

There has to be a better technology than tying shoes. It is just so mountaining. You have to pick them up, you have to find the chair. I also don't tie my shoes correctly. I just was what?

SPEAKER_00 1:52

I bunny ears? No one does that. I do a dog.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Bunny ears, but also a weird way. People at work saw me do it and they're like, What did you just do?

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Let's actually make a video and post it because I'm dying to know.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Great. I hate tying my shoes. I think it's so pointless. I will spend more money to get shoes without laces. I think that's why I like loafers.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

You should get Solomons.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

I think those are ugly. Sorry, Emily.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Wow. That's why you said nothing when I showed you my new Solomons today.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Wow, that's so rude.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

I'm so sorry. They're just not my shoe. They're really not.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Um, what's something? Well, I hate putting tights on. I think that's embarrassing. Okay, but No, there's nothing sexy about putting a tight on. It is mortifying pulling it up, the scrunch over the foot and up, up, up. Oh my god, nothing sexy about it. The movies make it look cool and sexy, like smoking a cigarette. Nah, it's not cool either.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Do you know what movie I'm thinking of?

SPEAKER_00 2:46

No.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

How lovely to be a woman. Bye bye, Birdie. Anne Margaret putting on the tights.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Whenever I put on socks, actually, I do think I'm Anne Margaret. I'm like, how lovely to be.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Oh, well, it's not. That's movie magic.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

I just like there's a way to romanticize putting on tights. There's no way to romanticize tying your goddamn fucking shoes.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Uh, no, I guess not.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

No, it's a humiliating practice.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

And I just think we need to move on.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Mm-hmm. I know that the show is all about obsessions and things that we love, but we definitely could fill a whole hour of things that we hate.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

And I'm obsessed with that.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

I think we can be, you could have bad obsessions.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Like today, I was actually mad with somebody walking like pointlessly, like not realizing they were in a New York City street. Like, are you taking this lane or this lane? I gotta pass you. What are you doing? And that was when I was like, shoot, I have to really change my mindset to come here and be happy.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

All right. One more thing that I on the sense of bad obsessions. I am obsessed with people that think it's okay to be on their phones walking up the stairs.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Like of the subway?

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Oh, the any stairs.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Any stairs, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

What are you doing? Get off your phone. Don't be texting. Get up the stairs. You're slowing everyone down.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

It's like how traffic happens.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Is that mindset?

SPEAKER_00 4:13

I know. And then sometimes they think they forget they're on the stairs and they stop. Right. Because they're like, shoot, what's going on? And then you're like, uh, hello. Step to the side. Yeah. Oh my god. Or just like don't take your phone out. If I were to be on subway takes, I would my hot take is that I think you should be fined for being on your phone like that, as if you're getting a speeding ticket.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

I think that's an excellent thing. There should just be more civilized.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

However, I have definitely been caught doing that, and people yell at me, but I yell right back at them.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

It's just like, it's it's so annoying. It's really annoying.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

I know. Well, let's change our tunes.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

I was gonna say, on a positive note, Emily, what are you obsessed with?

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Okay, well, it's like spring break time. We're in April. It's time to like get going and get a tan.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

And I had a We talked about spray tans with Jeffrey Keller.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

I know. I'm gonna have to get one because people there's there is a department in the office, not at my job, but there is someone I know at the how do I say this? Um, I know people at work who get spray tans every Thursday.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

That is a much easier way to say it than you're leaning up to.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

So I feel like I'm gonna have to join in on that at some point. But I'm gonna get a go get a real tan. Put on my SPF, don't worry. But um I currently like I was stressed. I was like, I'm going with my family to Palm Springs, and then I'm going to Miami, and I was like, I don't have any, I don't have a bathing suit. And so I was like panic bathing suit shopping, and it's just so stressful because like what size are you? Oh, you have to order a bunch, you want to send it back, and it just was so overwhelming. And I looked at this brand that I was familiar with, but had never bought from before. Okay. Hungza G. And it is the they claim to be the original crinkle cut bathing suit. What is a crinkle cut? Crinkle cut, it's it expand it's one size fits all.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

So it looks small. The one that I ordered literally looks like it's for like four-year-olds.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Remember those shirts from the 90s that were that?

SPEAKER_00 6:13

It's kind of like that, like limited to yes, yes, and it just goes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Obsessed with those.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

And I didn't have time to like order a bunch, and I didn't want to go ship it back, so I ordered a bathing suit. They're classic Hungz-G square neck one piece.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

Great.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

It comes in like 32 different colors. I actually I'll show you this one because it's really cute. I ordered in this color. Oh my god, it's like a metallic y icy blue, beautiful, and it has a deep back. I just think it's important to have like a staple bathing suit that you know the size will fit, whether like some months are different than others, how you're feeling, like I don't know. And it just feels like it could be a solid and it expand it will not lose its shape, supposedly. So it will, if it expands, it will go back to a different side. You can wear and keep it throughout your life.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

And I it's on the more expensive side. So it is a bit of a splurge bathing suit, but I'm excited to try it. It's really cute, and I'm hoping it lasts for a while.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

So we'll see.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

Bathing suits are a hard thing to buy because of the whole like try-on process.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Yeah. Well, also, I think for like swim trunks, like netting, no netting, like people are so particular with that too.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yeah, it's also just like it's a vulnerable time. Yes, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 7:26

It's a lot.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

You never feel great when trying on a bathing suit. It's tough.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

I also was nervous about a one, I don't really do one piece that often, but unless some are like, I don't wanna, I don't know. This felt like classic and like young without looking like I'm yeah 75.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

I think a one piece is sexy on a woman. I really do.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Well, there we go. Catch me in Palm Desert next week.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

There's something like Bond Girl about a one piece.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Yeah, totally. And with a tan, I'm I'm envisioning again.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

We've talked about like what I see myself as you're so good on a tan.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

On a tan, I know.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

And then imagine my legs a little longer, but in my mind, that's what I see. But next time, yeah. What are you obsessed with?

SPEAKER_02 8:04

So I am a longtime sufferer of TMJ, and I will do anything to relieve this pain.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

So is Laura.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

And oh, I need to talk to Laura about this. I saw this woman on TikTok. Her name is Sherry Shaoling. Okay. She is an Eastern medicine practitioner.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Okay. Kyle just whipped something out of a fancy little leather case, and it looks like this isn't even a fancy one.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

I got this one off of Amazon, but this is an acupressure pen. And it was like$10.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

This is fun.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

What I do. Her, her.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

It's giving Palm Pilot stylus.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

Yes. Yes. I just sit there like this. And I just rub my attention.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Now tell me, I have now taken a pen out. Is there a difference?

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Well, yes, because that's retracting. Feel this now.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Okay, how this? Sure. Ow, that hurts.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

This is like rounded.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

And do you know your pressure points?

SPEAKER_02 9:05

Well, I watch her TikToks and I do it.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

Oh. Oh, I love this.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

It's so good. But there are all these other things you can do. Yes. The face, of course, is covered in pressure points. Yeah. And so she does things for constipation, gas, um, all different kinds of if you have a migraine, Laura, you can rub your like pressure point like that, and then you can flip it over and use the bigger one, the bigger side. It's really nice.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Oh, that feels good there. And I'm just trying to find my points.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

You can do it and it will depuff your face.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

I was literally because it's cold. So what I'll do. So I'm feeling like I could do this to help depuff my upper eyelid.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

Well, what I do is I go here.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Rub a little bit. Just right along the nasal cavity. Just like this. And it will like you will feel your fascia tighten. I'm obsessed with this. And I just sit there during T watching TV and I go like this. Just rub right in. Try that actually.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Just hit a point. It hit a pressure point.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Wow. It feels so good. And this is like this one is$10, but there's one that I really want to buy.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

How much is it?

SPEAKER_02 10:22

It's$35 from Wildling.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

And it's a Wildling, I have guashas from them.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

They do good guacha.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

So they have a um reflexology spoon. So one side it's that the smaller one. Yeah. And on the other, it's like a spoon. So then you can like scoop your face.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

I know.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

I like that it's helping like with these pressure points and making you feel better, but also doing the um the gouache of some sort, like face tightening.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

Yes, but then I take this and I just like really like go right in. And you can like feel, I don't know if it's fascia or tendons or like amazing. This is not medical advice. I could be doing actually yesterday. Last night I was doing it, and suddenly my face felt so flushed. And then I went into the bathroom. My entire face was like it like raisined. Oh my god, I love this.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

When your face is red though, it's good. It shows that there's blood flow in this because something's actually happening.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

So I think everyone should get an accupressure pen.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Even if you don't have bad TMJ, I think it's just good for like stress relief.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

This Sherry Shao Ling, she will do like, oh, I'm feeling a little gassy. And it's she does it all just on her face. But you could also imagine this on the bottom of your foot.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Oh wow, with your um toe separators just right here.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Oh, with the toe separators. Yeah. Also obsessed with toe separators.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

We love toe separators. Incredible. Everyone should be using them. It's not just for old people getting bunions.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

After BravoCon, I put on my toe shapers for like an hour, and it was the most relief I've ever felt. And I stood up after, like I took them off, stood up, my entire body cracked.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

It was actually scary. It was amazing. Yeah, so I love an accupy pressure pen. I really want the wild bling reflexology stuff.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

That's a good um stocking stuffer for my sister.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

Absolutely. I can't wait that long, but I know just a little, just a little little thing in a little carrying case. Yeah. We want to remind everyone to rate and review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Subscribe on YouTube, please. And we're available on Gmail at we're obsessedwithyou at gmail.com if you have any questions. And anything that we talk about that we're obsessed with, we put on our Shop My, which is on our link.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Yeah, go shopping. Come buy this stuff.

SPEAKER_02 12:32

Yeah, absolutely. It helps support the show and it'll make your life better. Yeah. I'm so excited about our guests today.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

I'm really obsessed with our guests today.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Our guest today is Benjamin Chipman. He is a content creator here in New York City.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

And born and raised Mass. Born and raised Massachusetts.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

He's a fellow gay mass hole like me. So we're gonna talk about that a little bit. But he just has great ideas on what you should be doing by the time you're 25. Yeah. We're gonna give him things he should be doing by the age of 30. He just is a very thoughtful person online. He's very gentle, which I think the internet could use more of.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Yeah, you trolls.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Yes, be nice. Uh, we'll be right back with Benjamin Chipman. We are here with Benjamin Chipman.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Yay!

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Benjamin, we're obsessed with you. Obsessed with you. Welcome. Thank you so much for having me. I came across your TikTok because you, the algorithm served me that you're both gay and from Massachusetts. I'm gay from Massachusetts. Where are you from in Massachusetts?

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Well, I'm gonna tell you I'm from Boston. Okay. I'm not from Boston. Okay. And then where are you from in Massachusetts? I'm from Canvas. Oh, oh. I was like, what was it?

SPEAKER_03 13:43

Yeah, me too. I was like, no, I'm saying that.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Um okay, so I like tell people I'm from Boxboro. Okay. Because that's where the Patriots play. So people know that. That's where I saw Taylor Swift once. If I'm talking to gay people, I'll kind of like look at them and then choose Beyonce or Taylor Swift to say. Like, you know, you can tell. Yeah. Um, but I'm actually from a tiny little town called Norfolk, which is right next to you. Oh, I know Norfolk, yeah. Why? I think I've driven through it. Makes sense. We don't have a grocery store because every single town around us has a grocery store. So our town's like, Yeah. But how many Dunkin' Donuts do you have? Two. There you go. We have a population of like 12,000, and we have two Dunkin' Donuts.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

How many people were in your grade?

SPEAKER_01 14:22

I went to the public school in town until sixth grade, and then it like merges with the two surrounding towns. Um I have no idea who is in like my my K through six, but yeah, then I went to like a Catholic school in Boston. So to get my proper education. Absolutely. You get it.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

As all assholes must. Did you go to the school in Danvers? I went through middle school and then I went to a private high school. Okay. Catholic school? No. Sinful. I know. I know. Trust me. Yeah. My parents really wanted me to go to an all-boy school, and I was like, I simply won't survive a Catholic all boy school.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

You'd be surprised. You know, you get strong coming out of it.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

I don't think I want to be that kind of that kind of strong.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Yes, totally. Um, you also have talked recently on your social media about talking to strangers and how I'm obsessed with this. Thank you. We really want to talk about networking and talking to strangers.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

And like making friends.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Because talking to strangers sounds scary. But if you say making friends, I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

But then that's all talking to a stranger is. But I don't know, you people, right? That's true.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

We just met. I wrote into five minutes ago.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

But no, like I started this concept talking to strangers and posting about it on social because I started doing more like social skills-based TikToks. And then people in the comment section were like, hey, like you're mean. Like you're not like this isn't right. Because I was doing all these like rules lists, and it's like lists of things that you should do in X and Y and Z. And people were like, people don't actually know these things. And I was like, wow, I can like actually be helpful here. And so I was like, where can I take this? Which in my head is like, if I can make people better at like behaving in social scenarios how I want them to behave, and give my opinion on that, then like that's better for everyone involved. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

I never sorry, just not to cut you off, but I it just dawned on me why I love your content so much, is because it's so gentle. Like you really when you're going through like this is how people should behave. Like it really seems so caring and gentle as opposed to like those content creators that are like, you shouldn't fucking do this.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 16:38

Like there's something really calming and informative about the stuff you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Well, and I think part of that comes from like being from an Irish Catholic family in Boston, where like I have, I think, over 50 first cousins on my dad's side. And yeah, my dad's the 10th kid of 11, and then my mom is the fourth of seven. Oh my god. Oh my god. So many people talking to strangers, I'm doing that at Christmas. Right. Yeah. I'm like, whether it's my actual cousin or whether it's whatever girlfriend got brought home that year.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Does it make you better at remembering people's names? No. Like when she did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

But you know, you see a girlfriend one year and she's not there the next. So you're like, oh, who's the one? You don't even tell her that one.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Yeah, yeah. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

What do you think is the biggest albatross for people to meet new people?

SPEAKER_01 17:25

Oh, this is tough right now. Like, I have been very fortunate that I do share on social media so that when I have gone to new places, I've honestly met a lot of friends through the internet, um, which has been nice. Yeah. But one of the biggest things to meet new people right now, I think is to like show up consistently in the same places. And this is something I talked about a little bit in how to talk to strangers, right? Is like addressing the people that you see, whether it's the barista at the coffee shop that you go to every time. And trust me, like in New York, you want to try every single new place, and that's great. But being a regular is so nice. And like to be able to look at something new that's on the wall and ask the barista and be like, Yeah, new art. Yeah. And then like you just I talked about this too. It like break the expectation. Yeah. Like once you do that, it helps people's walls come down, and that's the only time that you can start to build that friendship.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

I also think that like in New York City, that can feel very big and overwhelming and not like a small town. When you do things like that, it does feel like you're in a small place. Like, and it is a community. And if you're in your little neighborhood, I see this person all the time here and here. I don't know. It just feels like more manageable. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

I really want to talk to my gym crush. And I like see him in like normal people clothes all the time because now I like run into him as like I'm like we clearly live within the same like two block radius. And like we won't be friends. Like, like I say I'm good at talking to strangers, I say I can make friends, which is true. Like, me and him have nothing in common other than the fact that we go to the gym at the same time and that I think he's hot. Yeah. Like that's where we're at.

unknown 18:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Like, seems enough for conversation for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

You mentioned that you also you started like kind of with like lists, and um, one of the things that I saw recently, because your birthday is rapidly approaching. Rapidly. And you talked about things you're turning 25. I hope that's okay that I say actually know it is because you've talked about it. Yeah, it's good. Uh benchmarks that you think that people should hit by 25.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

And I think one of my favorite ones was making the bed because I'm like a psycho about making the bed in general. But when did you start making the bed? Did you realize you're coming up to 25 and each start, or have you always been like an organized person in that regard?

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Definitely haven't been an organized person. My little cousin used to come over.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Which one?

SPEAKER_01 19:41

His name is Connor. Connor used to come in. How many Connor compensations? How many Connor cousins? Two. Yeah. One on each side. Yep. I have a Ben cousin as well. So, you know. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 19:52

It works.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Um, but no, Connor used to come into my room because my mom would watch him when he was little and be run upstairs and be like, ah, Ben's room's a mess, and go tell my mom. And so I like can't wait for when I get to go visit him. He's what, nine, like 10? I don't know. I'm gonna go like destroy his room and be like, hey, Judy, Connor's room's gross. She's like, Ben, you're 25, get over it.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

That needs to be added to the list. Like, can't make fun of younger guys.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

I'm not willing to add that. I think I started making the bed when in college. Yeah. It was definitely like a college thing because I would wake up hung over and be like, I have to accomplish something today. Yeah. And that one thing could be making my bed. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Made me think that when I met my husband, we were around 25. I think he was 26. He didn't make his bed, but it gets worse. He didn't have a bed frame.

SPEAKER_03 20:42

Awful.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

So I think that that would be on my list. If you're about to turn 25, get a bed frame.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Get a bed frame. Yeah. Have at least two sets of sheets.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

This feels like one. For a straight man.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

And that's why I'm saying it. This wasn't something I realized. Yeah. I don't spend time with straight men.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

And then I started to, and I said, Oh, why is your bed just like out and open? He's like, Oh, I'm washing my sheets. Love that you're washing your sheets. That's so exciting. That's like the step one. Right, right. But you didn't just make it in the meantime? Yeah. No, no, it's in the wash. Oh, you don't you don't have others. No.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

What like what happens if you need another?

SPEAKER_02 21:22

Every gift guide for a man. Like a set of sheets.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

It's like the GQ every single year in a gift guide. It should just be like number one.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Yeah, plan in. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

That's simple. Let's keep it simple.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

We have um some, because we're older than you. We have some benchmarks that you need to hit by 30. I mean, tell me.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

I have to start planning for yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Okay. One of mine is I think you should be able to cook a meal.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Oh, girl, 25.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

But oh, you should well, okay. I was trying to be nice to 25 year olds.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Honest not mean. That's what it's like. Honest not mean. It's true. You do like cook a meal.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

You don't. I guess sorry, cook a meal not for for uh like to host a party. Oh and not a big party, not like Gibble. Not just like for yourself to eat dinner at home. Yeah. To like have a friend over. And if you don't really want to cook, I think that's okay. But like learn how to host. I think you should be able to have a gathering of like four people and host a nice little night, even if it's like premium foods from Trader Joe's. I agree. So that is what I think you should be able to do by 30. That feels like a good thing. It feels overwhelming and it feels adult. Because I think you think you're gonna be an adult at 30. And let me tell you, you're not. Um, but you will feel more like an adult.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Mine, I have two. Okay. I think everyone needs to learn how to game their health insurance. Oh. Okay, tell me that happens at 26 because you're kicked off your parents' place. Yeah. And it's just about like your deductibles, your FSAs, your HSAs, and just like really utilizing your health insurance to work for your own. You write this down. Absolutely. It also is in PastGuest's book, Vivian2. Her book has like a massive thing about like how to use it to your advantage. That's great. You'd be shocked how much stuff you can just buy with your like FSA money or something.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Oh, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Yeah, you could like technically get a red light mask with your oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

And then acupuncture mat. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

We would end up having so much leftover money because we we didn't know what like how to budget that. And then so Kyle, I feel like, would be like, I'm buying this, this, this. And it would be like December 31st.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

Yeah, I get like all new like sunscreen. You knew your episode on sunscreen.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Super goop.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

And then my other thing by 30 is that I think everyone needs to have a hobby that is not for financial or professional gain.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

I think that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

And I don't like people are gonna say, like, what about golf? No, that's for professional gain. Like, because in most workplaces, like that's a skill set.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

It would be lovely if it wasn't. Yes. I just don't think that's a realistic take right now. Like, like, like that it that someone's doing it for fun. Like, I'm agreeing with you. Oh, yes. Like, oh, okay. Like, but why'd you start? Exactly. Like, I started because my dad told me that if I don't know how to golf and I'm not gonna close any business deals. Yes. And you just need to have something outside of that sphere.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

I feel like this isn't a personal attack because my husband just opened a um golf simulator.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Wait, fine. Those make bank.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

It's not a personal attack. People people go play golf.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

Well, you talk about in one of your TikToks about your relationship with a straight man, like your friendship with a straight man. And I also hold my straight but there's two.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

Two?

SPEAKER_02 24:24

That's a hundred percent success rate. I know. I'm doing pretty well. How do you think gay men should approach straight male friendships?

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Oh, what a weighted question.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

I feel like I have one or two really good straight male friends. Do have you known them forever? Since college, but I don't think I've made any post-college. No offense to mine. Yeah, that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

You guys aren't really friends.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

It definitely is harder post-college. I think because you're not spending as much time together. Yeah. And the way that you want to spend time, I'm making assumptions about you, as a gay man, is not the same way that they want to spend time. And because the straight man doesn't open up until like the fourth, the fifth, yeah, you're just not together enough.

SPEAKER_04 25:07

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

So it's tricky now. One of the things that I kind of said about myself when I was making friends in college, because I fell into this like straight male friend group, my junior year of college, and I looked up and I said, Where am I?

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Oh again, here. You're probably wondering how I got here.

unknown 25:24

Are you kidding?

SPEAKER_01 25:26

But like I kind of described myself as like the emotional support animal of the group, which isn't always fun, but like a straight man isn't asked, How are you? And that's a really alarming question to get when you first meet them. So it's definitely not your opener. Yeah. Establish that you can be fun. Yes. However, you can do it. And then you'd be like, hey, I I know like if they're an accountant, like I know taxis is coming up. Like, how's you stressed? Yeah. And they're like, you know what I mean?

unknown 25:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

I am. And you're like, all right, like let's, and then you gotta take signals from them and when to keep going and when to pull back. And you just start to kind of tick away. Yeah, they've never truly pushed a certain way. Unlikely animal friendships. Oh my god, an auto and a puppy.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

We're uh we'll be right back with your obsession, but what's one word you'd use to tease us?

SPEAKER_01 26:14

It's not one.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Okay, that's fine. After school activities. Ooh, I like an after school activity. Is it dance? Tap dancing. Oh gosh. Oh, we'll be right back. We're back.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

We're back.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

You teased us with after school activity.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

What is your obsession?

SPEAKER_01 26:37

I'm obsessed with having standing plans. Go on. Standing plans are the adult equivalent of an after school activity. Right? You know exactly when you do it. Yeah. You know what you're doing. You don't have to have any decisions to be made. It like right now, our executive dysfunction, I think, is at like more or less an all-time high because we have to make decisions at all aspects of the day. And like taking one of those decisions out will increase your quality of life, will make you happier, will build that community, help you make friends. And like it doesn't have to be weekly, right? It doesn't have to be monthly. I have three specific standing plans. One is weekly, one is quarterly, and one is annually. Okay. And it's so nice. They're like the tent pole moments in my life that I like, I know I can count on this and I know who's gonna be there. And it's so nice. Can you share what those three are? Yes. Okay. So every Tuesday, my friend Nikita and I, we go to the same bar, we do like uh life work that we have, and we just like check the boxes of the stuff that we didn't want to do earlier in that week, or like we were really supposed to book a rental car this past Tuesday, and then we just got gabbing and like it never came up. And then I had two Guinnesses, and I was like, well, so much for that. That's my weekly, so that's every Tuesday. Great. My quarterly is what I call the tomato martini committee.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Ooh, uh very precious. I'm interested.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Um, the tomato martini committee is three of us. We met at a networking event. Now it was like a little over a year ago. And this one girl, Melissa, Melissa, I love you. But you you did not stop talking about this tomato martini, and it had nothing to do with the event. And so we the three of us left and they sent around the emails after. And I said, Well, we talked about a tomato martini for an hour. We're not gonna go get it. Yeah, you have to. And so we started doing quarterly um dinners now, and we call it the tomato martini committee. We pick the next date while we're at dinner for that one, which is so important. And it's like three of us that never would have overlapped, or like we're not in any of the same circles. Melissa, I think, is seven years older than me, and Seth, the other man, in a is like 20 years older than me. So it's just like such a fun mix. Yeah. And then my other standing plan is New Year's trip with my my group of straight friends from college.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

It's kind of adorable. The dude is so cute. It's always fascinating when I'm on this trip because I'll look around and be like, I love these boys, but like never in my life did I think I would be here.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

On a trip again and again and again.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

Where do you go on the trip? Is it the same place? We change it up. So most of these boys are from South America. Okay. Um, so this past year we went to Cartagena, which was so nice. Yeah. Um, we did New York the year before, which was like, all right, we're all pretty like tight on cash. Like we're not paying for hotels here. Let's all get together. Um, and then the year prior to that, it was like, I think the first year we graduated. Um, and like when you grab, I graduated in 2023, where most of us got our jobs rescinded or like pushed off for like eight months, nine months. So we were all just kind of like living at home trying to figure out what was going on. And so we went to Brazil and did like Sao Paulo or no, we were in Rio. We went to Rio and did like another big trip. And we try to either meet in the middle or like go all the way for some and then go all the way for others.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

I have a friend who, with her high school, her home friends, not even just high school, but her home friends, a group of girls, and they do a yearly trip. Now they've some of them have kids now, so I don't know where it stands, but they started a joint bank account. So that's crazy. So every year, like when they would go on vacation, they just pay with that credit card. It was like all coming from the same bank and they didn't have to think about it. I forget how they changed. I think someone they would surprise went around the group, like who picked what place they were going to. But one of them was like, No, your finances of your friends to an extent that you don't put anyone out. And I think that was a reason that's a great little thing for them because they're like, no one's gonna worry about, oh, it's here, I can't afford it. Right. We're all putting money into this pot, so we can do that.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

And also if it's a standing plan, you know it's on the horizon.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

So you know put it over the right.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Exactly. And that's like that goes into too, like in the Airbnb or the hotel that you choose, right? Like it's not just choosing destination, it's then the little things on the trip. Like, okay, understand who has what, right? Like, I've been on a media salary since I graduated. Yeah. My friends are in finance and consulting. So it's me saying, Hey, yeah, yeah, can we uh can we be cheap at dinner tonight? Like, I'll cook, don't worry.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

My dad has a standing the first Tuesday of every month, he and his friends go to lunch. It's like four guys and they every every single Tuesday and every the first Tuesday of every month. And I'll be like, Oh, I got my lunch today. Yeah, I have no clue what to talk about. But I think it is a really nice thing.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

My parents have that too. It's just good. I love that standing the Tuesday, um, getting together with a friend, because I think like sometimes it can get so overwhelming with all the things that you have to do on your to-do list, and you can sit alone and make your list, but to go and meet your friend and kind of do it together, it feels like a little lighter. Absolutely. It feels like college, it feels fun. I'm like, yeah, let's book that rental car. Like there's a little more excitement to it.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

Exactly. And the thing I really like about it is like if things come up, things come up. We can cancel, but the assumption is that it's there. Yeah. Right. And that's what's so nice about it to me, whether it's, you know, this tomato martini situation, whether it's my weekly standing plan, or whether it's um the annual. Right. If something comes up, if someone has a wedding for New Year's, all right, like you're not coming. Like obviously, yes. But like, like you guys said earlier, we can plan for it, whether it's in budgeting or like in even budgeting for like PTO days. Yeah. You know, like making sure, like, oh, I probably need that chunk. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

With this tomato martini committee, do you speak with them the rest like between meetings?

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Um, not like super consistently. Yeah. So it like ebbs and flows. Like things come up, like we're all in different spaces that like sometimes overlap, and that's where like where you know our conversation actually goes.

SPEAKER_04 32:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

But like I ran into Melissa at like a media event on Wednesday, and I was like, Oh my god. Yeah. Hi. So like that was adorable. Or like we try to pull each other into different things that we're doing. So like she uh volunteers for this charity organization that she'll like invite us to events for, or um, I mean, Melissa kind of pulls the weight when it's outside.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Um, but someone's got to. It can't be everybody's serious. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

But like we try to. When things come up, we'll text each other, or like if projects are happening, like whether someone's an actor or whether like I'm posting TikToks and something's going well, I like share with the group. We give our little updates because it's always kind of worky. Yeah. Because we met in the networking environment. So we give like our work updates, where are things, what's going on, and then we go from there. I love this.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

I also think like you are meeting new strangers, making new friends, that there's so many people in your orbit that it's too hard to like, and in general, for people to keep up with everybody every single day. So, like the little check-ins and then making sure you see each other, I feel like just keeps it alive.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Yeah, no, it totally does. One thing from the last year that like when New Year's hit, and now that you know, 25, another like big kind of reflection moment, I think for me was like over the past year, something I'm really proud of is that there's like three net new friends that like I feel comfortable calling them. Like, I I made a friend this past year, and there's three of them that I can actually think of. And be like we met in the wild or we met through this, like this wasn't a college friend, this wasn't. Maybe one of them was like a warm and yeah, one of them was like a warm intro, but either way, like no one's obligated, even with a warm intro, yeah, to actually like you or to be your friend. Yeah, and I was like, wow, I did pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

I made three. It feels so good when you make a friend like that.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

Yes, it's very hard to friends, especially like I feel like we became friends because of work, and then I left and we retained.

SPEAKER_00 34:51

He just left.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

That's what I did. I gotta text all my girls and then I still love you.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

I know it's just hard to meet them like out in the wild.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I do think like him leaving sometimes, like people leave and you're like, Oh, we'll stay in touch, and you do, but we really stayed in touch, and that's how I feel like we were supposed to be like real friends for example.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

Exactly. Do you have other suggestions for standing plants?

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Yeah, for standing plants in New York City or in general. Well, but I selfishly want New York City.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

Well, no, I mean these can be for really anywhere. Like make it something that you have to get done or your friend has to get done. Like say every Sunday you and your friend are gonna go to a spin class together. Yeah, if you like that, right? Like having that as something that you guys do means one, it's not adding to your plate because you said I need to go work out. Yes. Boom, check that box. Like, and that's I think what makes it important about the standing plan is like make it actually additive. Like it shouldn't be something that you're like, oh god, I have to go do this. Yeah, I think the workout classes are a great one just because like I like it and then it feels like a little treat. Um or dinner is always a good one, like a standing dinner. I have a great idea.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

Oh, tell me what I'm gonna say. Going to the tailor, bring all your clothes with a friend and all their clothes, go to the tailor together. How often do you have to do this though? I I mean, I think you can do it quarterly.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

I have to go, I have to go all the time.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

I mean, when I buy it, going to the tailor more. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

That's like always like number one rule. Get everything filled to your body.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

Okay. But imagine quarterly, just like bringing all your stuff to the tailor with a friend.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

With a friend.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

I do like this idea a lot.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Yeah, the tailor's fun. I usually go with my sister.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

It's just something that I don't like doing.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

Yeah. Getting if it's something that you're like, uh, or it's gonna be boring, like bringing someone with you so that you know you can gab. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

Well, you can also decide. I do think sometimes if you're solo, it's like, should the gene be this long or this long? Or should the pant, like how does this look taken in, or should it be tighter, like looser? So you do have a friend that can help you.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

Totally. Yes. I also like setting like a now.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

We need a tailor. I know.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

That'll be the next person on the show. I love setting like a goal too, like in the city. So it's basically my goal to like try every Spanish restaurant here in the city. Amazing. I love Spanish food. I like always am seeking it out. And not everyone always wants to go, but like if I found someone else that was like a similar vibe to me, I'd be like, okay, great. Once a month we try a new restaurant. And it's like a new Spanish restaurant to go do that.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

What's your favorite Spanish restaurant?

SPEAKER_01 37:13

My favorite Spanish restaurant in the city is Tominho. It's in Little Italy, like where it kind of meets Chinatown. It's a Galician like tavern kind of vibe. And at night, and I didn't realize this until I was there, it like kind of turns into a club. Oh, we're going. It's like fabulous. Like an actual club, but like they move the tables to the side, like people are dancing. And honestly, if you speak English, you're definitely in the minority.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

Oh, you speak a little Spanish.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Unpoco.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

Unpoco.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

No, but it's so fun. The food's exceptional. So that one's really good. And then if you want like a bar, the my favorite Spanish bar in the city is Bar Oliver. And that is in two bridges. So it's like again at that corner of Chinatown. I don't know why Chinatown is so Spanish these days.

SPEAKER_04 37:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

But Bar Oliver's like really sexy. Like it's a sexy bar. They have these like drippy candles everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

They're very into that bar.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

And yeah, I just love it. Like, give me some tinned fish lathered in oil, and like I'll go from there.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Um, we're running out of time. We want to do a lightning round to get your takes on some more hot topics. Okay. Simply tell us if you're obsessed or over it. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Okay. Exposed brick.

SPEAKER_02 38:27

Over it. Nicknames. Over it?

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Perms. Over it. This is natural. Same. Ambivalence. Oh, so over it. Have an opinion for the love of God. Same. Skim milk. Into it. Or obsessed. Excuse me. Yeah, obsessed.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Uh, the purple devil emoji.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

Over it. I don't want to die. Disney adults. Obsessed. Love that you're doing this. Not my style. Paris Hilton. Obsessed. Always.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

Same dub.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

I'm always. I wrote my thesis on her. All right. Go on. What was it about? Um, it was called Blonde, Bitchin, and Brilliant. Paris Hilton's unique career longevity amongst Nepo babies. And I was studying like the modern influencer. I love her. I love her. I need to make that into a zine.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Like, I need to see, I need to read. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

You've got to do a series on this.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:24

I've had the pleasure of meeting her several times, and I just gotta say, delightful.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Absolutely delightful.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Incredible. I'm just I'm a fan for life because of her.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

I always love her.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

Just oh, she's the best. She's so amazing. Okay, back into it. I know.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Yes, that was one final question. Oh, that's right. Yes, Kyle. Don't forget.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

Three, two, one. Are you obsessed with us? I am obsessed with you. Thank you, Benjamin. Benjamin, tell our listeners where they can follow you.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

You can find me on Instagram and on TikTok at Ben Chipman5. And that's also my Venmo.

SPEAKER_04 39:58

If you're fine with me.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

Almost 20 episodes in, and this is our first Venmo too. We're on to something right here.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

We're obsessed with you. Thank you for being there. Thank you so much for having me. So fun.

SPEAKER_02 40:12

Yay! Thanks for tuning in.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

Are you obsessed with us? Please like, comment, and subscribe.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

Bye.

SPEAKER_04 40:27

How wonderful to know the things a woman knows. How marvelous to wait. Barbate. In simply beautiful clothes. How lovely to be.