We're Obsessed With You
Emily Hymes and Kyle O'Donnell are two best friends and late night television producers. When they aren't working, they're texting, DMing, and voice noting each other about everything they're obsessed with – both online and in NYC.
On We're Obsessed With You, Emily and Kyle invite their favorite personalities to dive into the things they can't stop thinking about. This is an interview show about hyperfixations, served with pop culture expertise and just a little bit of brain rot.
We're Obsessed With You
Obsessing Over Sex, Checks & Alyssa Shelasky
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
This week, Kyle's kicking off a new segment, breaking down his obsessions into three categories: High Brow, Low Brow, and Raise-A-Brow. There's a little something for everyone!
Then, New York Magazine writer and author of the "Sex Diaries," Alyssa Shelasky, joins Kyle in the WOWY Offices, and the two get right into it. From the hilarious story behind her second engagement to which Bravolebrities could benefit from an ENM relationship to her must-hit store in NYC, their unfiltered conversation runs the gamut. Plus, Alyssa reveals her ~SOLITUDE~ obsession and explains why The Gilded Age has her considering changing her last name.
00:00 – Welcome to WOWY
0:40 – Kyle’s High-Brow Obsession
02:23 – Kyle’s Low-Brow Obsession
03:47 – Kyle’s Raise-A-Brow Obsession
05:57 – Alyssa's Interview
26:26 – Alyssa's Obsession
39:49 – Obsessed or Over It
New show, new obsessions, every Wednesday.
Hosts: Emily Hymes and Kyle O'Donnell
Guest: Alyssa Shelasky
Executive Producer: Julia Aubuchon
Technical Director: Drew Downing
Editor: Blair Peyton
Graphic Designer: Maddie Jones
Original Music: Reuben Alexander
For RaffHouse Productions: Haleigh Raff and Glenn Raff
Keep in touch:
Instagram » http://bit.ly/4p5Dsxm
TikTok » https://bit.ly/47YvkbR
Email » wereobsessedwithyou@gmail.com
This Week's Obsessions:
Kyle:
High Brow: USM Haller Credenza
Low Brow: Harland Clarke Check Printing
Raise-A-Brow: "Heart the Lover" by Lily King
Alyssa:
Taking a bath every night
We're Emily and Kyle. We started as coworkers in late night television and now we're best friends exploring NYC and our FYPs.
SPEAKER_01This is an interview show about obsessions. Ours, theirs, and maybe yours too. Welcome to We're Obsessed With You. Out of Office. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We're Obsessed With You. I'm Kyle O'Donnell, and this is the show where we talk to the people we're obsessed with. The things they're obsessed with. Emily is still on maternity leave, still, it's in like three weeks. We're sending her so much love, and the baby is absolutely adorable, everyone. And I can confirm it is in fact a big baby. Um, so we're very excited for her. I want to get jumped right into my obsessions this week because we have such an amazing interview with Alyssa Schalaski. This is a sexy episode. So if you listen to this with like your kids, don't. We're trying out something new, so I don't have to talk alone the whole time. I have a few obsessions. One's highbrow, one's lowbrow, and one's raise a brow. Something I'm curious about and want to explore, and I'll let you know what I think. So my highbrow obsession right now is the USM Holler Credenza, which is from the USM modular furniture company from the 60s, which was by Fritz Holler and Paul Schaffer. And it's, you've definitely seen them on Pinterest and on Instagram. It's the like chrome and super vibrant color metallic furniture pieces. They do desks, credenzas, bookcases. It kind of looks like a file cabinet. It's stunning. Now, I looked up one of the credentials because I was looking for a new credenza. Uh, $4,000. Guess what? I don't have $4,000 to spend on that. So what I did is I went to my favorite website that I talked about on Nan Phillips podcast, Noteworthy of Nan. I went to Dupe.com and I uploaded this photo of a $4,000 vibrant green chrome gorgeous credenza. It spat one out from Walmart for $600. What? I bought it. It came in a week. It was, it's incredible, it's gorgeous. Photos are gonna be right here in the video. It is so, so stunning for $684.81, which was a $400 savings. So it was already on sale. I'm so obsessed with it. It's such a great dupe. But I just think these Beasles are super clean, vibrant, they're my aesthetic. I love them so much. My lowbrow obsession. The other day I had to order checks. Yes, I still write checks. I always think of that SNL sketch with the checks. But I had to order checks, and I was like, how does one order checks? So I Googled checks. And this website, Harlan Clark came up, and I guess they're like the foremost check manufacturer. Remember in the 90s how everyone used to have novelty checks? Like you'd have one with a Tweety on it, or those like cherubic angels, or I don't know, like a dochin on them. I thought they just stopped making them, but no, no, no. For the whimsy maxers in this world, you can order novelty checks. Like with different designs on them. So I have a few that I'm obsessed with, but specifically this neon check. It is a green check that has like red kind of 90s like neon all over it. It's stunning. There's one that looks like a children's notebook, there's one that's like high-tech looking. You can get them with Muppets on it, Disney characters. I'm obsessed. Everyone writing a check sucks. Do you know why? Because that means money is leaving you. So imagine if you could be looking down at your check and just see Kermit's face staring up at you. How adorable is that? Once Wowie becomes the media empire, it is, you better believe we're getting some fun checks, okay? Okay? And then my raise a brow for this week. I was recommended this book, Heart the Lover, by Lily King. I love Lily King. She wrote Writers and Lovers, which came out like a few years ago. It's a fun, it's not a novella, it's a great, like quick read. But this new book, Heart the Lover, came out a few months ago, and someone just raved about it. It's a thematic companion to writers and lovers. So if you like lovers and writers, or flip that, reverse it, you'll really like this book, hopefully. I'm going to read it and I'm going to post on our socials and talk about it in a few weeks and let you know what I think. Hopefully it's good. But it's raising my brow. I want to remind everyone that we are on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Please follow us on Facebook. I reactivated my Facebook for the first time in 13 years to advertise that we were on Facebook. Follow us on YouTube. All the uh things I talk about, the visual things I talk about in this episode, uh, will be seen on the YouTube video. And you can reach us at we're obsessed with you at gmail.com. Tell your friends, rate us five stars. Please, please, please, please support the show. Our guest today is so fabulous. Her name is Alyssa Shalaski. She is the writer behind the sex diary books and column of New York Mag. If you know anything about me, you know I love New York Mag and I love the sex diaries and I love sex. We are going to talk about her new book, which is all about ethical non-monogamy and polyamory. And we have some terms that I just want to explain before we get into the interview so you're not like confused about some of the language. ENM. Ethical non-monogamy. There that means you're in a relationship where you're allowed to have sex with other people. Basically, an open relationship, but that's kind of like the trendy thing to say. ENM. Polyamory is when you're attracted to multiple people, not just one. Polycule is like the group of people in your polyamorous relationship. And I think that's most of the terms that we're gonna talk about today. Guys, it's such a fun episode. You're gonna be obsessed. Pick up her book. It's going to be on our ShopMai and our Linktree. So stick around. Alyssa Shalaski, we're obsessed with you. Welcome. Let me sing my song that I wrote for you today during tennis. I'm dying. It's very short.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01Let's talk about sex diaries. Let's talk to Alyssa Schalaski. Let's talk about EMZ and being open. Yeah, baby. Let's talk about sex diaries.
SPEAKER_00I never smile with my teeth because I don't like how it makes my nose look, but I'm smiling so bit.
SPEAKER_01You have a beautiful smile. You're a beautiful woman. Thank you very much. Alyssa Schlasky.
SPEAKER_00I thank you for that song. I'll cherish it.
SPEAKER_01Of course. I can I'll record it for you. I'll produce it. Um, you are the author and columnist behind sex diaries from New York Mag, and your new book is out now. But I was thinking about this in researching you. I think this is my longest obsession because I've been reading the sex diaries for so long.
SPEAKER_00You've probably been reading, I mean, you've been reading them for 12 years, that means, because that's how that's when I rebirthed the column. Yes. So it's crazy because I'm always like, I know I have a lot of readers and I know the column's very successful, but I'm always like, who are these people? Like, who's reading it? And now that I'm on the book tour, you're all like popping up right and left. And I'm like, thank you.
SPEAKER_01All the time.
SPEAKER_00Kept the lights on. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01It actually for a long time was the first thing uh would autofill if I put an S in on on like my Chrome because I would constantly just be in like, oh, I want to read this week's sex diary and everything. I love them so much.
SPEAKER_00I'm so happy to hear that. Also, like I I have a strict like don't read the call the comments policy on everything I write. Yeah. But every of course I do constantly. And the commenters are always like, this is fake, or like this is garbage, or this hurts my eyeballs. And of course, because they're like commenters. Yes. So when I meet genuine fans who just like get pleasure from the column, it's very validating.
SPEAKER_01I love that. It's so for those of you that don't know, uh, Sex Diaries is a column in New York Mag where people anonymously detail their lives through sex and relationships. And it did it originally just start with New Yorkers or was it all over the place?
SPEAKER_00Good question. It did start with New Yorkers. Um, but uh after like two years, I said to my editor, like, I've I have nobody else to talk to. I have like plucked every sexual being I've ever come in contact with in New York or Brooklyn. So you have to let me expand. Because there's like there's good stories in Paris. Like there's great stories in West Hollywood.
SPEAKER_01The one in Melbourne in the book is very good.
SPEAKER_00He's lovely. Great. Yeah. Oh yeah, he's the one he's like loves drugs and cock and no darling human being.
SPEAKER_01Well, so I was also thinking about this today that people anonymously submit these to you, but you know all the be you know everyone.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I know where all the bodies are buried. I know everybody's secrets. I love it. I'll know yours by the end. I already just I won't repeat it.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no. Maybe on an upcoming episode. I will happily write one of these sex diaries. I would love to, actually.
SPEAKER_00It's the hardest part about the column. It's not the weekly deadline or like the grind. It is finding people to participate because I think people think, oh, I have to be having tons of sex or like going to a sex party, you know, a week-long naked party in Shamaica or whatever, which was a recent diary. Um, but it can just be like, I can't stop Googling my ex-boyfriend. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or it can just be like, I'm I'm not having sex and like I'm worried. It does not have to, you don't have to be like a sex maniac. Yeah. Although maybe you are TBD. So we'll see. You have to read the diary. Yeah, you do. But I disguise people, so you'll be like Tina from Staten Island. Like you're not gonna be Kyle from Watch What Happens.
SPEAKER_01It could be. Honestly, it may get me a raise. Um, so you talked a little bit in the intro about you asking people for these, and like you said during an emergency C section, you asked your nurse, you were in line at CVS at the pharmacy and got the cops called on you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he caught well, he called CVS security. Okay, but you know, for sake of the story, yeah, the FBI took me down. But no, yeah, I was escorted out of CVS, which sucked. That was my you know, like that was my CVS.
SPEAKER_01I love CVS.
SPEAKER_00I know, so now I have to go like an extra block to another CVS.
SPEAKER_01Which is painful.
SPEAKER_00But it you know what? My new CVS has hot pharmacists too. Pharmacists in New York are, I think because they're Greek a lot of the times or they're Pakistani, and so they're always dark and like and brooding and sexy to me.
SPEAKER_01I've never thought of pharmacists as a sexy never. You always think like architects. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No. No, no. I once you've dated a couple architects, you're like, no, there's nothing. Are they crazy? No, they're broke.
SPEAKER_01That's worse than crazy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they're not rich enough to be nuts.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Oh, wow. That's interesting. I'm gonna think about my pharmacist is not cute. No one at the CVS on Court Street is cute.
SPEAKER_00That's my CVS.
SPEAKER_01With Court and like by Atlantic?
SPEAKER_00So, okay, yes. Yeah, Court next to um Trader Joe.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I've never seen a hot pharmacist.
SPEAKER_00There was there's a hot sub. He's a sub. When the mean lady, when the mean but anyway, um the hot one, since I know we're in the new in the same neighborhood, is like the Love Lane CVS. Oh, okay. Deeper in Brooklyn Heights.
SPEAKER_01That's a cute CV.
SPEAKER_00You'll know him when you see him.
SPEAKER_01Okay, great. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean, uh maybe he's not there because I haven't been allowed back in that CVS for seven years.
SPEAKER_01So wild. That is incredible. You know what I recently have been thinking is like a real like hot, sexy some cashiers at grocery stores.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_01Like that, they're getting up there. They're getting hot.
SPEAKER_00Well, doing this column for long enough makes me understand like that there are sexy people among us, and it's never who you necessarily think. Yeah. You know, like I doubt speaking of Trader Joe's, like I go down that line if that's your traders. Yeah. And I am like, who's having who's fucking?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know?
SPEAKER_01People make fun of me because whenever I'm on a subway car, I'm like, who am I gonna have who would I have had sex with if like this suddenly the world's going to end and I want to like one final bang? Yes. I'm always looking.
SPEAKER_00I'm looking, but not thinking who am I gonna have sex with. I'm I'm it's just like the journalist in me. I'm like, what is their story? Like, is he who he's like who just texted him? Yeah, you know, or like that guy's up to no good. Like that guy, you know. I wish and I look at their dicks. I always look at the crotches. Always. Yeah. You have to. I have to. I'm curious.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So you this book is all a collection of ENMs and polyamory, um, or columns about ENM and polyamorous people. Why did you decide to make this collection as opposed to maybe one about like people not having sex or people having affairs or something like that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that'll be believe me. I hope there's like a sex diaries part two. I hope so. I know. I'm always like, what would the best part two be? But focusing on this one, to be very frank, it was the publishers who wanted an EM book because they know more than I do. And they were like, this is what everyone's talking about. And I there they weren't wrong. I was just concerned that um every diary would sound similar. And I I knew that people wouldn't have the attention span to read like 18 of the same diaries by the same poly couple in Bushwick, yeah, who's like having queer porn brunches, which is one of the I love that one. Yes, love them, but one is an like one and done, you know what I mean? So um, but then when I was like, oh well, that's so closed-minded of me to think like there's only one way to be poly or ENM or one like prototype. And instead, I was like, well, let's just look at everything that falls under non-monogamy. And when I opened the price of admission, there there's so many stories everywhere, even if it's a straight monogamous couple who's curious about what it might be like, or there's someone in there who's she's a lesbian and she's monogamous, but every date she goes on is like with an open person and she's like, what is going on? So anyway, um, then it became really interesting to me on a on a professional and personal level because it really was a very expansive experience for me to talk to all these people.
SPEAKER_01What I um in one of your interviews when you were doing press, you talk about that you wanted to kind of break away this idea that it's all a bunch of 20-something year olds and Bushwick going to orgies and everything. And a lot of these people live incredibly mundane, heteronormative lives. Like they very much fall into that, like what we imagine. And I think that's like makes it all hotter.
SPEAKER_00I do too. I also think it's so healthy, like uh it's not easy, but it makes a lot of sense to be like queer and poly and bushwick and uh woke and not all those I don't mean woke in like a pejorative term, but you know, like very super highly um evolved. But I think to be kind of it like in a quote unquote normal relationship, but be able to have these honest conversations, like I do fantasize about sleeping with other other people. What should I do? What do you want me to do with that? You know, like I I think it's almost healthier to see it in those heteronormative couples where communication is usually not the strength or the norm. Yeah. I know because I know so many people who like they don't no longer want to have sex with their husbands or just not interested. So what they're gonna have sexless lives or they're gonna fake it to the day they die. It sucks. It's depressing, it's it's not a good way to live. So what there's a million alternatives between like dumping that husband and like getting a hot fuck boy or staying in a sexless marriage. There's a million other ways to do it. It's just you have to be open to starting the conversation.
SPEAKER_01Two questions. One, how do you feel about sex tourism? Because I'm thinking about the guy who recently came out as bisexual and then goes to Berlin and has his like whole kind of rumspringer. Yeah, yeah, sexual awakening. What do you think about that as a tool for people maybe to open up their relationships?
SPEAKER_00So I I just had this conversation with the garbage sesh girls.
SPEAKER_01We love you.
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. I I died. Um anyway, that's a common trope in sex diaries. I get a lot of diaries from people who are like, I'm going to Paris for a week to explore, or I'm going to, you know, my job is sending me to LA for a week, I'm going to download field. Yeah. Um, I've done it. I did the like, I'm going to Paris for a week, I'm going to try to be a lesbian. Okay. It didn't work. I met like four hot American guys on the way to the lesbian bar and went home with one of them. So, you know, I am who I am. But um, but I think it's I think it's healthy, and I think there's just something safe about doing it that way. Yes. When you are taking on, you know, you can be a totally different person. And it's kind of sad that we can't do that in our day-to-day. We should be able to wake up and be like, today I've changed. Yes. I'm actually different. I think we should allow ourselves to change and fluctuate in terms of sexuality. We do it with everything else. Sometimes we're into working out, sometimes we're not. Sometimes we want to get 14 hours of sleep. Sometimes we're like, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Right. Why can't we have that kind of flexibility with our relationship to sex?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I love that. And before we started rolling and we were getting into some really hot tea, you had mentioned that youth, why is why are open relationships the what's the word I'm looking for? Like the anomaly. Like closed relationships actually should be the anomaly when you think about humans and biology and everything. Can you elaborate on that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's like it's weird to say I'm picking one person and only going to have sex with them until the day I die. Yes. That's odd. Of course, we could get into like politics and and and systematic problems and why that is what it is.
SPEAKER_01But that's not this podcast.
SPEAKER_00We'll have to conference my friend Esther Perel for that one who wrote the intro. Um, but it is strange. Like that, it's that's a tough pill to swallow. I'm only gonna fuck this person for the rest of my life. That does not feel natural. And yet, the people who are uh have not conformed to that are the freaks or you know, the the the sluts or whatever you want to call it. It's it's kind of all jumbled up.
SPEAKER_01I wanted to pivot to Bravo because you're also a Bravo girly, as am I. But uh when people always try to diminish what the housewives mean, I always say my argument is they have changed how we've seen women of a certain age, including most importantly, they have shown women of a certain age be sexual beings, which I don't besides blanch on golden girls, like uh we didn't have a sexual being like Luann. We don't we you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Oh my god. In fact, it's like they're so sexual. Like and sometimes I'm like, is that like Larson? Did you have sex 20 times? And that one, but they're so sexual that it actually has the opposite effect where you're like, oh, I need to start uh prioritizing sex to live like like it's yeah, there's no ick factor. It's it's inspiring and it's it's enticing.
SPEAKER_01And they're having very what open conversations about sex and talking about like planning. Like we're all busy. Sometimes I gotta put on the calendar, like totally fuck me next week, you know?
SPEAKER_00I mean, I do wonder sometimes how much is just like are they being like performatively sex kittens and how many of them are actually truly like getting off on the sex?
SPEAKER_01Well, I think we know Luannis. Luannis is a sexual beast.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I love that one. Said with love. Yes, of course. Yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, and who else? I don't know. Sometimes I'm just like, I wonder if Larsa like was 20, if she came any of those 20 times.
SPEAKER_01That was a that was a wild reveal. What relationship lessons do you think people could learn from Bravo, housewives, and things like that? Don't get in a relationship.
SPEAKER_00Don't go on Bravo, which is like, God forbid I people take that advice because my whole livelihood would you ever go on Rony? No.
SPEAKER_01Why?
SPEAKER_00Oh, well, I don't want to, I don't want to disrespect the show or the women or anything, but like I I think it would ruin my life.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that's fair. That's fair.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I just I don't think I don't know what I would uh how I would benefit from it. I also just want to like be watch as yeah I I'm not a fame-hungry person at all. Um, and I have nothing to promote. Um I don't know. I wouldn't do it. And I I was engaged to a Top Chef star. Oh, you were? Yeah. My third, my second of three engagements. Love So she's like, I know, and I fell in love with him on by watching Top Chef. Oh, yeah, I can talk. It was I wrote a whole book about it. It was Spike from Top Chef.
SPEAKER_01Of course, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I was so attracted to him from watching. I had this like profound out-of-body experience where I was like, I must have him. I need him. I just was like, I think he's my soulmate. I I could not like I was fantasizing about him constantly. So I set up a fake interview. I worked at People magazine at the time.
SPEAKER_01You're incredible. I'm obsessed with you.
SPEAKER_00Fake interview for people's sexiest man of the year. Nobody wants like that was not happening, but I pretended it was. And we met in Williamsburg and for an interview, and we started flirting, and my plan worked, and we started dating, and I I confessed, you know, eventually. And we started dating and we got engaged, and all of my fantasies were even better than imagined. Wow. Um, and then you know, it didn't work out. I life with a chef is like not as sexy as it sounds, but um, but we're still friends. Oh, incredible crazy. I don't know where that came from. But the point was there was a moment where they were like, Would you want to film? Like he was doing like a top chef masters or something, and I literally soul left my body. I almost I like couldn't handle even the thought of it.
SPEAKER_01We were talking about this at work yesterday in the office. Like, would you want to go on? I was like, no, because I would I'm such a control freak. Like this, yeah, I control everything. Yeah, you know what I mean? I'm also very vain.
SPEAKER_00Like, I'm fine now. I'm a writer, I look like a writer, but like I I'm too vain. Like, I I I don't know. I've never had plastic surgery. Like, I don't my I don't like my boobs. Like, I would have there's so much work I would have to get done before.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I was convinced I was going to win the billion dollar powerball. And you know, people say, like, uh, there will be signs, like, I won't tell anyone if there'll be signs, I would have a full tip-to-toe reconstruction. I'd be completely different.
SPEAKER_00You're so handsome, I wouldn't change a thing.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I would change everything. Um, which Bravo Lebs do you think could benefit from an ENM or open relationship?
SPEAKER_00Well, so I was thinking, I was like, I was so bummed out with Rhode Island, which I loved, um, with the Kelsey situation. Remember, she started out in this open relation and they were all so judgy and close minded. But I was like, she has such a good situation. Like she's got this mansion. She had no problems. She's actually much more like evolved than I think she realizes. Yes. She had conversion. She's like, I love this man. He gave me this sick life and like let him go have girlfriends in Miami and Vegas or whatever. Um, but I but it, you know, I think the ladies maybe got in her head or but that to me was like I her relationship seemed more functional than the Mary's.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And talk about like someone just living in suburbia that had this like quote secret life.
SPEAKER_00I know. I think everyone was jealous. Anyway, who else would be good? I mean, let's think. Who is like notoriously unfaithful? Because some of those people just need to say to themselves, like maybe I don't believe he cheated. I'm I'm I'm very Mauricio forward. Okay. I love him. Um he's so hot. He's up there with Craig in terms of honey. He might be the a good example of like, I've been married for a long time, so from a very young age. I'm single now. I'm just I'm gonna sleep with lots of women, but I'm gonna be upfront about it. Yeah, I'm gonna be direct about it and not slippery. But in terms of the women, let's think. I'm going through, or maybe the summer house, the young, the young ones. Like Kyle, maybe.
SPEAKER_01Of course. Yes. Of course.
SPEAKER_00Although I feel like he wants a girlfriend. He wants to get married and have kids.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, definitely. You know, I think it's inevitable in the next few years. We have some questions from Emily. It's time for MQries.
SPEAKER_00Where'd you get it? How many people were in your house? How long did that jack? But was she having a baby? What are you obsessed with?
SPEAKER_01She just had a baby. I have a two-week old. Any advice for a first-time mom?
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. Okay. Um, I had a really good experience as a first-time mom. I was single, I was a single mom by choice. So I really to the outsider, they were like, oh, poor Alyssa, that must have been hell. The beauty of doing it alone, and I can, you can apply this to whatever situation, is I did whatever I wanted to do. So I slept when I wanted to sleep. I would eat pad thai for breakfast if I wanted to eat pad thai for breakfast. I would not shower for four days if I didn't want to shower for four days. Don't listen, don't listen to the mommy groups or the Facebook groups, your own family or friends. You do whatever you want to do to survive. Um yeah, I think that's the best I can. And and one of the reasons, I don't know, Emily, but like I'm not a perfectionist. I'm not a very tightly wound person. And that really helped me with motherhood because I was not, I am not a control freak. So I was fine with, you know, things being messy, like your apartment being messy, yourself looking messy. Um, you gotta kind of just like let it go. The other, the last good piece of advice I would give is you gotta lose the high maintenance friends. You have to be able to bail on your friends. You have to be able to say, like, I am not up for it. Um you can bail 60 seconds before you're supposed to meet someone when you're a new mom. Yeah. So you gotta lose those friends who are expecting you to be the same old Emily you always were. That's a great piece of advice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love that. Yeah. Um, go to pizza order at Lucali.
SPEAKER_00At Lucali? Oh, well, I have a secret number. So the first thing I do is text Mark. And I don't know if this is true or not, but I choose to believe it's true. He once told me that the pepperoni is beef, not pork. I don't eat pork because Beyonce also doesn't eat pork. Yes. So he said, because J and B go a lot, the pepperoni is beef. And so that's the only place in the entire world that I've ever had pepperoni pizza.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_00Don't tell me if it's pork.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I believe I Mark is not gonna lie about that. Um, and then she said, as a fashion lover, what is your favorite New York City clothing brand that we should follow and know about?
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. I love these questions. I'm usually only literally asked about sex. Okay. Um I I'm going there from here because I have child care today. My mother and father, my only nannies are my parents. Um I'm going to the store. Okay, the street that has Suzanne in Nolita. I shop up and down that street. So it's Suzanne, if and then I oh, and then I get a margarita at um, what's the little taco place across the street? Tacoma. Oh, Tacoma, yes. Yes. Whatever. It's you know, it's mid, but I I get a fish taco and a margarita in between my shopping to fuel it. And then I go to American Vintage. It's you you've passed it a million times. It's across in diagonal from Suzanne on that street. Soft as cotton. Like the those dream white t-shirts that you see other people wearing, you get them there. It's like $98, but you get like three shirts and wear them all season.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, fabulous. Oh yeah, I'll check it out.
SPEAKER_00No, for real.
SPEAKER_01Okay, great. We'll be right back with your obsession, but can you tease us with one word? Solitude. Oh, I love this. We'll be right back. Alyssa, you tease me with solitude. What are you currently obsessed with?
SPEAKER_00Can I tell you? Yes. Okay, I don't have to keep you guessing.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. I'm building it up. I take a bath every night of my life. My whole life. Um, no matter what the circumstances are. And I I said solitude because in this crazy world, with our phones, with our Bravo, with our shows, it's the only time, and it's a quick bath. It's not a very like luscious experience. It's a kind of in and out, but it is the only time I am alone with my body naked, literally physically, mentally stripped down, naked in hot, hot water. It's very sort of like primal, I guess. Baptism, yeah. A rebirth, right? Um, I breathe, not even intentionally. I just breathe because I'm like a living person. I'm laying in the water, naked, breathing. And like, this is gonna sound like maybe a little, I don't know, TMI, but like you can like check in with your body. Absolutely. Right? Like, when else do you like even for good for better or for worse? Like, you kind of like have to clean your body. You're checking it out. I do, I roll my shoulders back because of course we're like this all day. Roll my shoulders back while in the bath. I kind of do like a bridge while in the bath. Um, and not only does it reset me, like from there I pretty much just put on a t-shirt and go right to bed. Or like if I'm gonna have sex, it's great too. Cause like I feel so lovely. And so not only is it a great ritual, but I never get sick.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00I do not want to jinx myself, but I truly I never got COVID. I've never had a cold.
SPEAKER_01I truly Okay. No, please elaborate.
SPEAKER_00No, I really, and and all to say, I think it's because I take a back.
SPEAKER_01So then why are you at the pharmacist? No, this is got you too.
SPEAKER_00We need no vitamins. HRT. Um yeah, my other obsession. Uh so no, I'm very for me, it's it's I could never give it up when I travel to hotels that don't have baths. I find it criminal.
SPEAKER_01That was gonna be my question.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like Meredith Marks.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00I love her, by the way.
SPEAKER_01She's fabulous.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that whole family.
SPEAKER_01Did you grow up in in a bath household? Got it.
SPEAKER_00I come from a bath mom who would um we would come home from school and she'd be in a bath. My mother is an early to early to rise, early to bed person. So like by the time it was like 4 30, she was taking her bath and getting getting ready for like uh 7 p.m.
SPEAKER_01So she's why you connect so well with Casey Wilson.
SPEAKER_00She's totally we're we're very comfy people. Um so my mom would be in the bath, and if I had a friend come over, we would sit and talk to my mom while she was in the bath and tell her all of our drama. Um yeah, very bath forward people. And yeah, I that's that's my obsession. I could never give it up.
SPEAKER_01Love that. I admittedly am not a bath person.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure.
SPEAKER_01I growing up came from a shower household because my mom was constantly running late. So like when people take long, luxurious showers or a bath, I'm like, no, it's shh done.
SPEAKER_00Yes, that very dysfunctional only. Okay. Well, you're also tall.
SPEAKER_01Tall, and I will say, actually, the I did take a bath after Bravo Con. Like I was out until uh I was out until six o'clock in the morning that last night. Uh my flight was at 8 a.m. No, 9 a.m. So I was like, I'm not gonna, you know, just gonna take a bath. And I just laid in the bath for like 30 minutes and it was so nice.
SPEAKER_00Because I'm sure you were physically exhausted and also just like you fit felt filthy spiritually. Yes. Um, but yeah, it's like you know, it's like not for everyone, but it's I couldn't live without it. And also, um I can't take it with somebody else. That's what I was gonna ask you when I was thinking about my obsession. Would you do you find that romantic? Like a bath with a partner to me, it sounds like living hell.
SPEAKER_01Like Tamara and Eddie. I love that's my like favorite clip of when they have when they have sex in the bath. Um I it's so funny you say that because when I lost my virginity, we took a shower together. And I remember not thinking it's good. I remember thinking like I'm now cold because the hot water's on you.
SPEAKER_00Totally. It's not, it's it's like I'm too self-conscious, first of all. Like, yes, shower sex to me is not and also like uh it doesn't like lubricate, like lubricate, it's not a good idea.
SPEAKER_01Whenever people are like, that's a sex shower, I'm like, sure, it's just a really nice shower. It's just a big shower.
SPEAKER_00Right. You're still gonna need to like I mean, right? Like you have to like lube up. Like doesn't it make your parts extra dry?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's been a while. Like I rolled out showered bath sex. I just it's not hot to me. No, it's not hot. For me, the bath is for me. Solitude.
SPEAKER_01What I talked about this last week or a few weeks ago, about my obsession with nude beaches. And I think that's kind of connected to your uh bath thing where it's like my relationship with my body has changed so much once I like went to a nude beach and was like, this is just on display. You know, like actually so much of my life, my nude time in life was either spent asleep or in transit to like the shower, or like you know what I mean? And then actually sitting and like taking stock of it, I think can do uh actual uh wonders for your relationship with it with your body as opposed to I was so afraid of being hypercritical with my body.
SPEAKER_00That sounds really liberating.
SPEAKER_01It it it's truly changed, and part of it was traveling and going abroad and being like, I'm gonna have this experience abroad where I'm not gonna like possibly run into someone I know.
SPEAKER_00Did you so you were alone on a nude beach?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that sounds really cool.
SPEAKER_01It was really fabulous.
SPEAKER_00I've Did you get up and like walk to the ocean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I went swimming, I made friends, like it was fabulous.
SPEAKER_00That's so cool. Yeah, I can see that being like very cathartic.
SPEAKER_01It is. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
SPEAKER_00No, because like I said, I'm like I am vain and nudity is like not my strength. Yeah. Like in front of my, I'm just not in front of my kids. I'm intentionally naked all the time because I want them to know like what a real woman's body looks like. Totally, totally. Um, and I never want them to see know that I'm like deeply self-conscious and like want new boobs and like tuck tuck. Um, but uh no, I've never done a nude beach. I can see that being a kind of a life-changing experience for me. It would it would take a lot of uh confidence for me to do it.
SPEAKER_01I, you know, like if you go on a solo sojourn to Europe or something, it is like a it it changed. It's like transformative.
SPEAKER_00It it sounds like a um like a what's the word, like an animalistic experience almost. Like it's just like you are as you're meant to be, like just stripped raw of everything, and it's just you and yeah, you and yourself. That's cool.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love it.
SPEAKER_00Hi.
SPEAKER_01Um, do you use like what products are we working with in the bath?
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. Um I like there's um the sex toy brand mod. Do you know it? Oh, of course, yes. Yeah, it's really beautiful, it's high end, it's like co-owned by Dakota Johnson. It just says enough. Um, they have this like body wash that I use in the bath that well, A, they keep sending it to me for free. Fabulous. Yeah, but it's like for like your a well-balanced female body. Oh, cool. So it's just enough like um bubbles and it smells good, but it's also like I feel like it's just keeping things extra, extra fresh. Uh like and me smelling like Dakota Johnson. Um, so I use that, and then I have like whatever uh product, I'm not very precious about it, but I use good stuff. It's just like whatever Tata, Tata Harper exfoliant is in there. Or um, but no, I'll do a quick exfoliant, I'll soap up my body, um, I'll shave my legs maybe like every few months. Depends on the month, yeah. Yeah, totally. Um, and then yeah, and then I just do my like little stretches and I take some deep breaths and then I'm good to go. I come out and I'm like beat red because I take a steaming hot bath, and that's that's it. Oh, then I floss and rush and do the tongue scrape, which is like I'm obsessed with.
SPEAKER_01And oh well, I want to talk about some of your other obsessions that you mentioned to Julia. Moving. Why?
SPEAKER_00Okay. I have I've changed. I used to be a no New York or nowhere person.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00The day I graduated high school in Massachusetts, I moved to New York City.
SPEAKER_01What'd you at high school?
SPEAKER_00Long Meadow High School.
SPEAKER_01Where Western Mass. Oh, I'm on from the North Shore.
SPEAKER_00Oh, are you really a class hole?
SPEAKER_01Yes, that's why we connect.
SPEAKER_00Are you a 617?
SPEAKER_01No, 978.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, I'm a 310, which is Beverly Hills, but I come from 413 people.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay, that's so funny. I love, I love anyone from Massachusetts. Me too. It's like instant sisterhood. Sisterhood. We're and we're such like we're such dirty dogs deep down.
SPEAKER_01100%. Right?
SPEAKER_00We're scum.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's like, especially where I'm from, it's like very Catholic. And it's like Catholics are the most perverted people, as we've seen in the news. Um, it just like, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, the the Irish, all my friends were Irish Catholic. I always say I'm the most Jewish Irish Catholic girl you'll ever meet. Um, but no, they were the naughtyest. Yeah. Those boys, those Egan's and O'Malley's.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00The Shea brothers. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01The reason why I went to a Jesuit university.
SPEAKER_00What's your last? Are you Irish?
SPEAKER_01O'Donnell. Kylan.
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. No, that's like that's foreplay for me.
unknownKylan.
SPEAKER_00Um, what were we saying?
SPEAKER_01Oh, what was I saying? I got so distracted. Oh, moving.
SPEAKER_00Oh, moving. So I'm very lucky that I do a little bit of travel writing. I always throw in a couple of stories because it means I can like go somewhere luxurious for free, at least once a year, or free-ish, you know, like go get a media rate or something. And so I've always taken advantage of it every summer. I'm like that shitty person who's like, I go to Europe in the summer. And this summer I didn't because I had the book coming out and I sold a TV show and like a lot of really cool things are happening. I just didn't think I'd have the steam for like a big trip that involved a passport. So I'm here in New York and it's it's awful. It's just awful. It's so sticky and hot. And and I'm not, I don't mean to like be a person who can't handle the weather or even talk about the weather. I hate myself for talking about the weather. But it's awful. I don't know. I don't like it, and it's making me really turn on New York. Also, like I'm convinced my air conditioning is like giving all of us cancer. Like I just don't like it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, it's so funny you say that because everyone has said this like the best summer New York has had in so long.
SPEAKER_00I see that as like a journalist. I can respect that with the gay pride and and world world cup. Yeah. And there was like one more thing. The Knicks. Yeah. The energy was great and people are out everywhere. Yeah. Fine. But um, but it's not enough. It's not Sardinia.
SPEAKER_01Well, duh. Yes.
SPEAKER_00It's not even upstate New York. Like, so now I'm just like, it's a fun question to ask. I'll ask you. Like, where do you think your geographical soulmate is?
SPEAKER_01Oh God.
SPEAKER_00Like, where do you belong? If you could just uh pick up tomorrow, know that you'd have income, keep your job, whatever, where would it be?
SPEAKER_01The truth is I want to be in the middle of nowhere.
SPEAKER_00But where's that?
SPEAKER_01Like my dream my dream fantasy would be like the south of France.
SPEAKER_00That's just it for me. Can you handle a life of French food? I couldn't.
SPEAKER_01I it's like my favorite cuisine. That and Thai food. Like authentic Thai food.
SPEAKER_00Oh, so yeah, that gives you good options.
SPEAKER_01Yes. I would do that. I everyone's like, ugh, London. I'm like, they're all trash there. No offense to our London listeners. But like I'm not gonna meet a man in London.
SPEAKER_00No, I have a thing for London. I like like the chicness of London. I love ladies of London. Please bring it back. Kyle, do what you can to bring it back.
SPEAKER_01You don't understand. I've like voice noted people at the network and been like impassioned, please. It makes no sense. It's the best.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was so great. Um, yeah. So I'm always like, I'm freelance. I'm an artist. I'm married to an artist. Well, we're not even married. We can live anywhere. Like, why are we here? Yeah. That's what I that's what I'm going through right now. Like, why are we here? And if we don't live here, where are we gonna go?
SPEAKER_01Where do you think your geographical soulmate?
SPEAKER_00This is not that original, but I I would I love California. I do. I mean, of course, yeah, like Italy and Puglia and Europe and all that. I like fantasies about, but in a more practical way, I love California. I'm like willing to have my house burned down. I want a bungalow. Yeah. I want Laurel Canyon. I'm like a sucker for that sort of like air like rock star LA world.
SPEAKER_01Stylistically, like the what I'm trying to say. Interior design-wise, I definitely relate to like that California mid-century modern bungalow thing. Like I love that. But aesthetically, I am, I want to be like Widow's Bay. Like I want to be in a small New England town.
SPEAKER_00So charming.
SPEAKER_01And like kind of removed from everyone. You know?
SPEAKER_00Are you watching Sterling Point?
SPEAKER_01No, but I'm gonna start.
SPEAKER_00Start it tonight. That's can't that's where is that? Muskuoka Lakes. Yes. Yes. Um, it's it looks gorgeous. I think you're gonna want to move there.
SPEAKER_01Oh, definitely. Like whenever I go to Martha's Vineyard or I'm going to P Town tomorrow, like these are the coastal aesthetics, are some of my favorite things.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, we're New Englanders.
SPEAKER_01Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_00Until I move to California, never see you guys again.
SPEAKER_01Well, I will say, like, moving to New York is probably the farthest anyone in my family has ever been.
SPEAKER_00Oh, really?
SPEAKER_01They're all mass holes through and through.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I love it.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, I can't wait for some of my family to listen to this episode. Like, and they have no clue what like an EM is, open relationships.
SPEAKER_00I wicked love your son. He's wicked hot. He's so wicked hot. I love him. I'm obsessed. We're gonna get grinders. Not your grinder.
SPEAKER_01I'll be on grinder while we get grinders. We're running out of time, but we want to do a lightning round to get your takes on some final hot topics. Tell me if you're obsessed or over it. Pencils.
SPEAKER_00Over it.
SPEAKER_01I love pencils. Shots. Like drinking shots.
SPEAKER_00Always have been over it.
SPEAKER_01Thirst traps.
SPEAKER_00Into it.
SPEAKER_01Portable electric fans.
SPEAKER_00Into it.
SPEAKER_01Upstate New York.
SPEAKER_00Into it because there's nothing better right now in my life.
SPEAKER_01I love upstate.
SPEAKER_00Trucker hats. Into it.
SPEAKER_01Uh pajama sets.
SPEAKER_00Into it.
SPEAKER_01The Gilded Age.
SPEAKER_00Obsessed!
SPEAKER_01I want to set you up for this. The best show on TV.
SPEAKER_00Wait, I found it on a plane because there was nothing left to watch on the way home from LA two weeks ago. And I was like, ugh, fine, I'll watch this like period show. It looks like so dull. So good. I got so hooked so fast. Mr. Oh, and my partner's last name is Russell, and my kids' last name is are Russell. And remember I told you in the beginning, I want to change my name. I want to be Mrs. Russell. Carrie Kuhn, I want to be Mrs. Russell. I'm changing my name. You'll see. My byline's changing. This is the announcement. Oh my god. I am Mrs. Russell.
SPEAKER_01You are Mrs. Russell.
SPEAKER_00How good is the show?
SPEAKER_01You get a giant portrait of yourself now.
SPEAKER_00Wait, don't you love the butler, who, John, who's now rich from the clock?
SPEAKER_01I love all of them.
SPEAKER_00Do they come on Watch What Happens?
SPEAKER_01We've had Carrie Kuhn. Tell me. We've had Christine Baran. Amazing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And she was a hoot. Christine Baranski, we've had. She's her lines are so funny. Yeah, we obviously had Cynthia Bunch.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um. We just had Danae Benton. She's a huge Atlanta fan. Uh Peggy. So I know. She was amazing.
SPEAKER_00I want to see what she looks like, not in like the old-fashioned clothes. Body adi auddy. I figured.
SPEAKER_01Incredible. Of course. She was so sweet. Yeah. I really enjoyed her.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I want to thank you for coming on the show. Tell our listeners where they can follow you, where they can pick up the book, Sex Diaries.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Okay. So follow me on Instagram. It's at Alyssa Shalasky until it will be at Mrs. Russell. No, at Alyssa Shalasky, A-L-Y-S-S-A-S-H-E-L-A-S-K-Y. The book, Sex Diaries is everywhere. Most importantly, if you want to submit a sex diary, I make it really easy. Like you don't you can write it all or you can write none of it. I will disguise you. We'll have fun. It'll be therapeutic. Just contact me to do a sex diaries.
SPEAKER_01One will be coming from me very soon. I hope so. Alyssa, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for tuning in.
SPEAKER_00Are you obsessed with us? Please like, comment, and subscribe.
SPEAKER_01Bye. Hi, bud.