SPEAKER_00: Let's jump into our series that we're in right now, Relational Success.
SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to be talking about put trust in the gap.
SPEAKER_00: Put trust in the gap.
SPEAKER_00: Our springboard text for this whole series is Matthew 22, verse 37 through 40.
SPEAKER_00: And we already prayed for the Lord to open our eyes and our hearts and our minds.
SPEAKER_00: So we'll just jump right in.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus said to him, now this was the guy that asked the question, what's the most important commandment?
SPEAKER_00: In other words, sum up the entire old covenant for me in one sentence.
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus said, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.
SPEAKER_00: This is the first and great commandment.
SPEAKER_00: And the second is like it.
SPEAKER_00: It's like it.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, it's equal to it.
SPEAKER_00: It's only second in order, not importance.
SPEAKER_00: Second is like it.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, they go together.
SPEAKER_00: You can't separate them.
SPEAKER_00: It's a package deal.
SPEAKER_00: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
SPEAKER_00: As yourself.
SPEAKER_00: One translation says, as you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: We'll talk a lot more about that today.
SPEAKER_00: On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, the entire old covenant hangs on these two things.
SPEAKER_00: Love God with awe.
SPEAKER_00: And love people.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, like you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: In the same way that you love yourself, love people.
SPEAKER_00: We talked about this in the past, but it literally breaks down at least as much as you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: And today it's it's like you love yourself in the same way that you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: So we're going to dig into that.
SPEAKER_00: Love Galatians 5.22.
SPEAKER_00: That's been another big text for us in this series.
SPEAKER_00: But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce in us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
SPEAKER_00: And again, same, similar to what Jesus said about the greatest commandment.
SPEAKER_00: He says, there is no law against these things.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, all the law and the prophets, everything, nothing can trump this principle.
SPEAKER_00: When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, these will be the results.
SPEAKER_00: Consequently, those are all the things, those nine things are all the things you have to have to have successful relationships, to have healthy relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Again, we've talked a lot about that.
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't heard those messages, you can go back on our podcast and you can listen to those.
SPEAKER_00: There's a lot, a lot of context there.
SPEAKER_00: But number one, so what I talked about, the importance of relational health and relational success.
SPEAKER_00: It's the most important thing in our earthly life only next to, only second to, in order, our personal relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00: So relationships are the most important thing in our life, our relationship with God, and our relationship with people.
SPEAKER_00: And if we don't get that right, nothing is right.
SPEAKER_00: And if we get those things right, everything is right.
SPEAKER_00: True success is relational success.
SPEAKER_00: You've all known people who were very successful in certain areas, but all their relationships were broken.
SPEAKER_00: And that's a sad condition of a human being right there.
SPEAKER_00: You know in that moment you succeeded in all the wrong things.
SPEAKER_00: Better to have failed in all of those minor things and have relational health and relational success than the other way around.
SPEAKER_00: So in light of that truth, the principles, the biblical principles that govern relational success have to be some of the most important biblical principles that there are.
SPEAKER_00: And so that's where we've been for the last few weeks.
SPEAKER_00: So we're talking about five biblical principles that govern relational health.
SPEAKER_00: There's more than that.
SPEAKER_00: We're talking about these five, uh, just so we at least have a handful.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, if you do these, if you get good at these, you will have relational success.
SPEAKER_00: They work, they're unbiased, they'll work in anybody's life in any relational situation.
SPEAKER_00: And the first one was we talked about take relational responsibility.
SPEAKER_00: Your relational health is your responsibility.
SPEAKER_00: Your personal health is your responsibility, your relational health is your responsibility.
SPEAKER_00: You can't blame anybody else for the if you have a lack of relational health.
SPEAKER_00: And here's what I want to say as a recap: if you invest relationally and intentionally sow those types of seeds, you will have a harvest of support and community, but you will not reap where you haven't sown.
SPEAKER_00: Now I'll take just a second here to say this because it was on my heart, but I spent years uh on staff at Gateway Church, and one of my responsibilities there was uh to oversee the care department.
SPEAKER_00: I oversaw many departments, but one of them was the care department.
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, if you needed something, if you had a life event, if you hospital, you know, any kind of crisis or issue, usually it was more of the negative things.
SPEAKER_00: Uh sometimes it was somebody that said, Hey, you know, my my kids are getting married and we don't have anybody to do to do the wedding.
SPEAKER_00: One of the pastors do the wedding, something that was more of a positive thing.
SPEAKER_00: But usually it was something bad and someone needed support.
SPEAKER_00: They needed community.
SPEAKER_00: And so they would text care to 71010, and you know, depending on where they were at, it would make its way to me.
SPEAKER_00: And I just remember getting so burdened and so grieved at the number of Christians that I would get on the phone with, and they've lived their lives as Christians, they've lived their lives as believers, and they've they've attended church, and when a crisis hit, they had nobody around them.
SPEAKER_00: They were surrounded by hundreds and sometimes thousands of people on a Sunday, but when a crisis hit, they had nobody around them.
SPEAKER_00: Whose fault is that?
SPEAKER_00: It's their fault.
SPEAKER_00: It's not the church's fault.
SPEAKER_00: That's not the church's job to build your community for you.
SPEAKER_00: It's your job.
SPEAKER_00: You have to take relational responsibility.
SPEAKER_00: And I remember sitting there going, man, maybe we maybe we do have some responsibility in the fact we in the sense we haven't taught people how to build relationships and how to build community, and that it is their responsibility.
SPEAKER_00: And so when you sow relationally and you sow into community and you sow into relationships, guess what you don't ever have to worry about?
SPEAKER_00: Not having the support that you need when life gets hard.
SPEAKER_00: Not having the support and the celebration that you need when life gets good, when there's things to celebrate, when there's birthday parties and there's baby showers, and there's births and there's weddings, and there's all of those things, funerals, all the things that life throws at us, the good, the bad.
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing like having a community of people that show up.
SPEAKER_00: And the only reason and the only way that happens, that's a harvest that shows up where you sowed seed, where you've got seed in the ground.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: And so, again, take relational responsibility.
SPEAKER_00: It's it's mega, mega, mega important.
SPEAKER_00: Number two, this was last week, we talked about forgive, not last week, the week before.
SPEAKER_00: Pastor Matt Washington did a great job preaching for us last week.
SPEAKER_00: Forgive and apologize often.
SPEAKER_00: Mega principle of relational health.
SPEAKER_00: Cannot have relational health without that.
SPEAKER_00: When you forgive someone and release them, that's what we did.
SPEAKER_00: We filled the altar and we we brought people that we needed to forgive, that we needed to release.
SPEAKER_00: When you forgive someone, you release them and what they did to God, you align yourself with being blessed.
SPEAKER_00: God's blessing, remember the definition of blessing, it runs parallel with the definition of forgive.
SPEAKER_00: So to be blessed and to forgive run parallel with each other.
SPEAKER_00: They're in alignment with each other.
SPEAKER_00: So when we forgive, we align ourselves with blessing.
SPEAKER_00: And when you hold on to and harbor an offense and you distance yourself from people, you align with being cursed.
SPEAKER_00: Satan's curses run parallel with offense and division.
SPEAKER_00: Always remember that.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that brings us to where we are today.
SPEAKER_00: Number three, put trust in the gap.
SPEAKER_00: Put trust in the gap.
SPEAKER_00: Let me explain that a little bit.
SPEAKER_00: So, what is a gap?
SPEAKER_00: A relational gap.
SPEAKER_00: Relational gaps are specific areas of an important relationship that have to be intentionally stewarded to preserve the health and longevity of the relationship itself.
SPEAKER_00: Say that again.
SPEAKER_00: Relational gaps are specific areas of an important relationship that have to be intentionally stewarded to preserve the health and longevity of the relationship itself.
SPEAKER_00: What you actively or passively put in the gap determines the climate or the atmosphere of that relationship.
SPEAKER_00: You can fill a gap with trust or you can fill it with suspicion.
SPEAKER_00: Positive things or negative things.
SPEAKER_00: And let me say this: if you don't intentionally fill a relational gap with positive things, it will automatically fill with negative things.
SPEAKER_00: That's our human default.
SPEAKER_00: We by default put suspicion in the gap, negative things in the gap.
SPEAKER_00: And that always wounds the relationship.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, if we're not incredibly intentional and proactive to fill those gaps with positive things, we will automatically fill them with negative things.
SPEAKER_00: So here's just a simple example.
SPEAKER_00: If I'm having a meeting and someone is late, someone shows up late, that creates a gap.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to give some other specific things that create gaps.
SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of stuff that creates gaps, and they're not all sin.
SPEAKER_00: They're not all anything like that.
SPEAKER_00: It's just a gap.
SPEAKER_00: It's a gap.
SPEAKER_00: It's a question mark.
SPEAKER_00: If I'm having a meeting and someone is late, there's a gap.
SPEAKER_00: My instinctive suspicion is that that person is irresponsible, they're lazy, they don't care, it's disrespectful, right?
SPEAKER_00: They don't prioritize this, this isn't important to them.
SPEAKER_00: All of that, right?
SPEAKER_00: But trust says, you know, I'm sure they couldn't help it.
SPEAKER_00: Something must have happened.
SPEAKER_00: They're a great person, and I know they have a really good reason, right?
SPEAKER_00: That's what trust says.
SPEAKER_00: Um, here's an example.
SPEAKER_00: If someone doesn't show up to church and they didn't communicate to anyone that they weren't coming or why they wouldn't be there, that creates a gap.
SPEAKER_00: That's just kind of the season we're in, right?
SPEAKER_00: We're a small church, there's nowhere to hide in a small church.
SPEAKER_00: You know what I do love though?
SPEAKER_00: I love being when there's a bunch of people out and we're like, everyone's going, where's so-and-so?
SPEAKER_00: Where's so-and-so?
SPEAKER_00: And I actually know where they are, or somebody knows where they are.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, where are they?
SPEAKER_00: And then somebody's like, oh, yeah, they're doing this, they're doing that, they had a grandbaby, they're on vacation, or they're not feeling well.
SPEAKER_00: And there's literally been times where we knew where every single person was.
SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
SPEAKER_00: Um, that's a blessing.
SPEAKER_00: That's not always the case at a church, right?
SPEAKER_00: But they didn't show up, they didn't communicate, and uh, you know, I can I can start thinking, oh, their hearts aren't with us.
SPEAKER_00: They they they might that may they probably had another church this morning, you know, they're they're they're leaving, my preaching's terrible.
SPEAKER_00: They don't like, they don't like the church, you know.
SPEAKER_00: And and it's those are the suspicious thoughts that I can put in that gap, or I can go, man, I need to check on them.
SPEAKER_00: They may have something going on.
SPEAKER_00: There may be something going on, you know, I want to make sure that they're okay.
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
SPEAKER_00: You know, most of the time, almost all the time, the suspicious thoughts are wrong and the trustful thoughts are right.
SPEAKER_00: Almost all the time.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, so in a situation like that, you can go full-blown sus and think, man, their hearts aren't with us.
SPEAKER_00: They're not committed, they're probably going to another church, right?
SPEAKER_00: Or you can choose to have intercessory thoughts, like they must be out of town, they're physically unable to come, maybe struggling with something, or they would be here if they could.
SPEAKER_00: I know they would be there if they be here if they could, right?
SPEAKER_00: Whichever one of those things I choose to put in that gap will determine my posture and my attitude towards that person.
SPEAKER_00: This is something that's happening all the time in your in internally in your soul.
SPEAKER_00: Almost all the time, the positive trust in the gaps are the right thoughts.
SPEAKER_00: Rarely are the negative thoughts right.
SPEAKER_00: So guess what?
SPEAKER_00: If you just default, if you try to make your default positive, this is what we call benefit of the doubt, right?
SPEAKER_00: You're usually going to be right.
SPEAKER_00: Now, if someone being late becomes a pattern, or if someone not coming and not communicating becomes a pattern, you definitely have a heart problem and or at best a character issue, and there's a conversation for clarity that's needed.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so don't ignore, don't ignore patterns.
SPEAKER_00: This isn't a message of like just put trust in the gap and enable somebody's irresponsibility.
SPEAKER_00: But have you ever had a relationship that was going great?
SPEAKER_00: The air was clear, hearts and minds were in sync, and then something shifted, and now they're acting differently around you.
SPEAKER_00: There's distance, there's mild tension, maybe slight awkwardness.
SPEAKER_00: Anyone have ever had that happen?
SPEAKER_00: Everybody has had that happen.
SPEAKER_00: It's almost always the result of a gap that was filled with something negative.
SPEAKER_00: Almost always.
SPEAKER_00: Whether it was on you or on them, when you start putting negative things in the gap of a relationship, it starts feeling awkward when you're in each other's presence.
SPEAKER_00: And that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_00: That's an indicator something, something's off.
SPEAKER_00: Something's off.
SPEAKER_00: So pay attention to those things.
SPEAKER_00: Genesis 3, verse 1.
SPEAKER_00: Now, this is a scripture and a picture of what I call the original gap whisperer.
SPEAKER_00: The original gap whisperer right here.
SPEAKER_00: Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord had made.
SPEAKER_00: He said to the woman, Did God really say?
SPEAKER_00: Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?
SPEAKER_00: The woman said to the serpent, We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.
SPEAKER_00: You will not certainly die, the serpent said to the woman.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, for God knows that when you eat from it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.
SPEAKER_00: When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.
SPEAKER_00: She also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it.
SPEAKER_00: Now, just think for a second of from that moment all of the collective pain and hurt that sin has caused.
SPEAKER_00: Think of all the abuse, all the sexual immorality, all the lying, all the deceit, all the rebellion, all the criminal activity.
SPEAKER_00: Think of all of the addiction, all of the pain from sin.
SPEAKER_00: And it started with a moment where Eve could choose: was she going to put trust in the gap or suspicion in the gap?
SPEAKER_00: Was she going to let the gap whisperer come and cause her to question the intentions of God?
SPEAKER_00: Be suspicious of the intentions of God?
SPEAKER_00: Did God really say?
SPEAKER_00: Oh, he just knows if you do that, you'll be like him.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, he's withholding something good from you.
SPEAKER_00: Suspicion.
SPEAKER_00: Doubt.
SPEAKER_00: Something negative entered into the heart.
SPEAKER_00: And what did it do?
SPEAKER_00: It changed what she saw.
SPEAKER_00: Immediately, she started seeing stuff differently.
SPEAKER_00: That's a serious conversation.
SPEAKER_00: Notice it started with a question.
SPEAKER_00: Sin started with a question.
SPEAKER_00: What did God really say?
SPEAKER_00: Oh, he just knows.
SPEAKER_00: If you do that, you'll be like him.
SPEAKER_00: He's holding, he's holding out on you.
SPEAKER_00: He's withholding something good from you.
SPEAKER_00: You can't trust God.
SPEAKER_00: The gap was filled with suspicion, and she began to question the intentions of God's heart towards her.
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what happens today in our relationship with God and in our relationship with each other.
SPEAKER_00: In Luke 22, verse 42, you see another relational gap here.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus and the Father.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus is praying in the garden.
SPEAKER_00: Most of you know the story.
SPEAKER_00: He's praying in the garden and he's agonizing and he's praying to the Father, and he says, Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me.
SPEAKER_00: And he pauses and he says, Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus had a gap there.
SPEAKER_00: If you're willing, God, are you willing?
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're not willing.
SPEAKER_00: If you're willing.
SPEAKER_00: But then he goes, I'm gonna close this gap.
SPEAKER_00: Not yet, nevertheless, not my will be done, your will be done.
SPEAKER_00: Your will be done, not mine.
SPEAKER_00: He puts trust in the gap.
SPEAKER_00: Remember when he was on the cross and he said, Father, why have you forsaken me?
SPEAKER_00: Why have you forsaken me?
SPEAKER_00: And then he cries out, It is finished.
SPEAKER_00: Into your hands I commit my spirit to close the gap.
SPEAKER_00: This is the as you love yourself part of the greatest commandments.
SPEAKER_00: We started with that scripture where he says the first commandment and the second is like it, love your neighbor as you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: So part of this putting trust in the gap is you really you know how to do this because you do it for yourself.
SPEAKER_00: You put trust in the gap when it comes to yourself.
SPEAKER_00: What you have to do is give other people that same advantage.
SPEAKER_00: You have to give other people that same credit that you give yourself.
SPEAKER_00: So here's a few things that can create gaps in our relationships.
SPEAKER_00: I think we have a slide for these.
SPEAKER_00: Here are a few things that create gaps in our relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Number one, irresponsibility.
SPEAKER_00: Irresponsibility creates gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Any type of irresponsibility creates gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Again, take relational responsibility, right?
SPEAKER_00: So whether that's character defects, whether that's, you know, just uh failing to take responsibility in any area of your life is going to negatively affect, not just relationally, just personally.
SPEAKER_00: It's going to negatively affect your relationships.
SPEAKER_00: It's going to create gaps.
SPEAKER_00: When you don't do what you're supposed to do, it's going to create gaps in all your relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And so uh the next one is insecurity.
SPEAKER_00: Insecurity creates gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Our personal insecurities create gaps in relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Absence creates gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Just again, like I mentioned, not showing up, just not being present.
SPEAKER_00: Distance creates gaps.
SPEAKER_00: When you distance yourself from somebody and you don't communicate why, what's going on, that creates a gap.
SPEAKER_00: And someone Got to go, hey, what's going on with so-and-so?
SPEAKER_00: Where are they at?
SPEAKER_00: Why have they what where are they at?
SPEAKER_00: Why did they stop coming?
SPEAKER_00: Why did they stop showing up?
SPEAKER_00: Why did they stop calling?
SPEAKER_00: Why did they stop texting?
SPEAKER_00: Why did they stop responding?
SPEAKER_00: It creates a gap.
SPEAKER_00: It creates a question that then has to be answered.
SPEAKER_00: Silence creates gaps.
SPEAKER_00: You can also reverse these and know what closes gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Neglect creates gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Differences create gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's just a difference, a difference of belief, a difference of opinion.
SPEAKER_00: Can create a gap.
SPEAKER_00: Disagreements create gaps and misunderstandings create gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Now, how many of you know that none of those are really sin, per se?
SPEAKER_00: Irresponsibility could could flirt with it, but most of those things are just normal things that exist within a normal relationship.
SPEAKER_00: That's a lot of gaps that can be created, and that's just a small list.
SPEAKER_00: So it's actually safe to say that anything other than the fruit of the Spirit, listed in Galatians 5.20 can create relational gaps.
SPEAKER_00: And so here's what happens: the gap is there, and then the enemy goes straight to that gap and he inserts a plethora of negative, critical, judgmental, and suspicious thoughts and accusations.
SPEAKER_00: And that one attack from him can destroy your destiny and derail your purpose.
SPEAKER_00: Just that one attack.
SPEAKER_00: It was enough for Eve to get into her relationship with God and to derail and destroy her destiny and her purpose.
SPEAKER_00: The enemy gets into our relationships through the gaps that get filled with suspicion, critical thoughts, judgment, pride, negativity, disappointment, complaining, offense, lies, assumptions, rudeness, etc.
SPEAKER_00: God gets into our relationships through trust, love, forgiveness, humility, kindness, honesty, clear communication, understanding, patience, loving confrontation, truth, et cetera, right?
SPEAKER_00: Any relationship the enemy can get in, he can destroy, including your relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00: So this isn't a fluffy conversation about relational health.
SPEAKER_00: It's a serious, serious matter.
SPEAKER_00: Matthew 7, verse 1, Jesus says, Do not judge others, and you will not be judged, for you will be treated as you treat others.
SPEAKER_00: The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.
SPEAKER_00: And why worry, listen to this, this is important, and why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?
SPEAKER_00: How can you think of saying to your friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye when you can't see the post, uh when you can't see past the log in your own eye?
SPEAKER_00: Hypocrite.
SPEAKER_00: First get rid of the log in your own eye.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, then you will see clear enough, well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye.
SPEAKER_00: So Jesus isn't saying, don't deal with the speck in your friend's eye.
SPEAKER_00: He's just saying you gotta close some gaps before you do that.
SPEAKER_00: Because if you're looking at somebody suspiciously, if you're looking at somebody judgmentally, because there's a speck in their eye, there's something about them that's bothering you.
SPEAKER_00: What he says is close the gap in your own life first.
SPEAKER_00: Then you'll be able to deal with the speck in their eye.
SPEAKER_00: So it's not that he doesn't want us dealing with the specks in each other's lives, the gaps in each other's lives.
SPEAKER_00: He just wants us to take self-inventory before we do.
SPEAKER_00: What he doesn't want is us poking each other in the eyes, and we're and then the blind are leading the blind, right?
SPEAKER_00: So it's a good principle, a relational health principle here is hey, I need to be aware of some of the gaps in my life.
SPEAKER_00: I need to be aware of the benefit of the doubt that I give myself.
SPEAKER_00: If I have to love my neighbor as I love myself, what does that mean?
SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
SPEAKER_00: I trust myself.
SPEAKER_00: I give myself the benefit of the doubt.
SPEAKER_00: I let myself off the hook pretty fast when you mess up.
SPEAKER_00: How many of you, when you mess up, you let yourself off the hook pretty fast?
SPEAKER_00: And you wish your spouse did the same.
SPEAKER_00: We have to get good at closing gaps and filling gaps.
SPEAKER_00: Closing gaps and filling gaps.
SPEAKER_00: So closing a gap is the speck in your own eye.
SPEAKER_00: Filling a gap is helping someone with the speck in their eye.
SPEAKER_00: Filling a gap is putting trust in the gap, putting intercessory thoughts in the gap, positive thoughts, and benefit of the doubt in the gap.
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes we have to close a gap, right?
SPEAKER_00: Here's a simple example of closing a gap.
SPEAKER_00: If you're gonna be late to a to a lunch or a coffee or a meeting, you text that person and you say, I'm hey, I'm on my way, I'm I'm running a little bit behind.
SPEAKER_00: No way they're gonna sit in a coffee shop for 10 minutes going, did they forget?
SPEAKER_00: What's the deal?
SPEAKER_00: They don't value my time, you know, they're running all those thoughts through their head.
SPEAKER_00: No, you close the gap.
SPEAKER_00: That's a simple thing.
SPEAKER_00: So it's essentially communication is how you close relational gaps.
SPEAKER_00: You will not be able to prevent them all, but you can close them.
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes closing them is preventing them from happening, and then fill the gap.
SPEAKER_00: So closing gaps is about preventing, is about being responsible and proactive.
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then filling them is about choosing to put trust or positive things in the gap when there is one.
SPEAKER_00: And in most cases, proactive clear communication will close a gap.
SPEAKER_00: All right, so if they don't close it, you have to fill it.
SPEAKER_00: Or the enemy will.
SPEAKER_00: If someone doesn't close a gap, it's hard to be friends with someone who has lots, who creates lots of gaps, right?
SPEAKER_00: Because you, if you're gonna be friends with someone, it's called being friends with a difficult person.
SPEAKER_00: You gotta be really good at filling gaps if you're gonna be friends with a difficult person, right?
SPEAKER_00: And on the other hand, if they won't fill it, you must close it, or the enemy will.
SPEAKER_00: This is the cause of so many divorces, broken families, divided relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, either way, a gap is yours to close or to fill.
SPEAKER_00: And the fate of that relationship is your responsibility, okay?
SPEAKER_00: So there's exceptions for unhealthy, dysfunctional, or abusive people, uh, unhealthy, dysfunctional, abusive relationships.
SPEAKER_00: There's exceptions to this, right?
SPEAKER_00: But this mostly applies to important relationships that you need to be in to fulfill your purpose and calling in this life.
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's some funny stuff.
SPEAKER_00: This is funny, but it's true.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and and this was inspired by um uh a book, a John Maxwell book.
SPEAKER_00: I forget the actual book it came out of, but some of some of this was in there.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person takes a long time, they're slow.
SPEAKER_00: When I take a long time, I'm thorough.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person is late, it's poor planning.
SPEAKER_00: When I'm late, my plate is just too full.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person drops the ball, they're irresponsible.
SPEAKER_00: When I dropped the ball, it was an unreasonable task.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person doesn't do it, they're lazy.
SPEAKER_00: When I don't do it, I'm busy.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person does it without being told, they're overstepping their bounds.
SPEAKER_00: When I do it, it's initiative.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person gets ahead, it's calling in favors.
SPEAKER_00: When I do it, I earned it.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person pleases the boss, he's a kiss up.
SPEAKER_00: When I do it, I'm a servant.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person overlooks a rule, he's cheating.
SPEAKER_00: When I do it, I'm original.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person says, How are you?
SPEAKER_00: they're being fake.
SPEAKER_00: When I do it, I'm sincere.
SPEAKER_00: When the other person stays late, she's striving.
SPEAKER_00: When I do it, I'm a hard worker.
SPEAKER_00: You see where this goes, right?
SPEAKER_00: This is the as you love yourself part of the commandment.
SPEAKER_00: It's giving them the same benefit of the doubt you give yourself.
SPEAKER_00: It's giving them the same level of patience and grace and mercy that you give yourself.
SPEAKER_00: We have to constantly be aware of the relational grace that we're extending or failing to extend to others.
SPEAKER_00: It's about you giving others the same benefit of the doubt you give yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Here's this one of the secrets: minimize the negative and maximize the positive, just like you do for yourself, right?
SPEAKER_00: We minimize the negative, we maximize the positive.
SPEAKER_00: We always think that we're better than we really are when we estimate our own selves.
SPEAKER_00: We give ourselves a couple of points in the positive direction.
SPEAKER_00: This one principle, listen, I know I've said a lot today, this one principle will revolutionize your relationships.
SPEAKER_00: It will revolutionize your relationships.
SPEAKER_00: It's important, it's weighty, it's serious, and if we really, really get good at putting trust in the gap, intercessory thoughts in the gap, forgiveness in the gap, patience in the gap, right?
SPEAKER_00: Think of the all the fruit of the spirit.
SPEAKER_00: If we put those things in the gaps of our relationships, all of our relationships will go to the next level of health and fruitfulness.
SPEAKER_00: It's a principle that I live by, that I've lived by for years, and it works.
SPEAKER_00: It works, it makes for a lot uh less stress in relationships.
SPEAKER_00: The reason people aren't that good in relationships is because they're hard, they're complex.
SPEAKER_00: The greatest joys you'll ever experience in life will come by the hands of people, and the greatest pain you'll experience in life will come at the hands of people, right?
SPEAKER_00: And so anything we can do to improve the quality of our relationship with God and to improve the quality of our relationship with people is going to change our life.
SPEAKER_00: It's going to change our life.
SPEAKER_00: And this all this applies with our relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00: How many of you know sometimes it's easy to not to wonder if he has your best interest in mind when you're going through something hard?
SPEAKER_00: We sang the song in the crushing, in the pressing, you're making new wine.
SPEAKER_00: The Romans 8 20, 8 28, right?
SPEAKER_00: Uh all things work together for the good of those who love God, according according to his purposes.
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes it's hard to believe that.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we we are we get a little suspicious with God.
SPEAKER_00: How many of you know we need to trust God?
SPEAKER_00: He is trustworthy.
SPEAKER_00: Even when we don't understand, he's trustworthy.