WEBVTT 00:00:01.600 --> 00:00:09.359 Let's jump into our series that we're in right now, Relational Success. 00:00:09.519 --> 00:00:13.839 And today we're going to be talking about put trust in the gap. 00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:16.160 Put trust in the gap. 00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:23.359 Our springboard text for this whole series is Matthew 22, verse 37 through 40. 00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:27.440 And we already prayed for the Lord to open our eyes and our hearts and our minds. 00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:28.800 So we'll just jump right in. 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:35.600 Jesus said to him, now this was the guy that asked the question, what's the most important commandment? 00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:40.000 In other words, sum up the entire old covenant for me in one sentence. 00:00:40.159 --> 00:00:47.200 And Jesus said, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. 00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.399 This is the first and great commandment. 00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:52.799 And the second is like it. 00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:53.840 It's like it. 00:00:53.920 --> 00:00:56.000 In other words, it's equal to it. 00:00:56.159 --> 00:00:58.799 It's only second in order, not importance. 00:00:59.039 --> 00:01:00.240 Second is like it. 00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:01.840 In other words, they go together. 00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:02.880 You can't separate them. 00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:04.480 It's a package deal. 00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:09.200 You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:10.319 As yourself. 00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:13.359 One translation says, as you love yourself. 00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:16.239 We'll talk a lot more about that today. 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:20.400 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. 00:01:20.480 --> 00:01:26.719 In other words, the entire old covenant hangs on these two things. 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:29.040 Love God with awe. 00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:31.120 And love people. 00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:33.920 Listen, like you love yourself. 00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:36.959 In the same way that you love yourself, love people. 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:43.599 We talked about this in the past, but it literally breaks down at least as much as you love yourself. 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:48.400 And today it's it's like you love yourself in the same way that you love yourself. 00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:49.760 So we're going to dig into that. 00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:51.840 Love Galatians 5.22. 00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:54.159 That's been another big text for us in this series. 00:01:54.400 --> 00:02:06.480 But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce in us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:12.159 And again, same, similar to what Jesus said about the greatest commandment. 00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:15.360 He says, there is no law against these things. 00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:20.319 In other words, all the law and the prophets, everything, nothing can trump this principle. 00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:24.319 When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, these will be the results. 00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:35.280 Consequently, those are all the things, those nine things are all the things you have to have to have successful relationships, to have healthy relationships. 00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:37.680 Again, we've talked a lot about that. 00:02:37.840 --> 00:02:42.319 If you haven't heard those messages, you can go back on our podcast and you can listen to those. 00:02:42.400 --> 00:02:44.639 There's a lot, a lot of context there. 00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:52.000 But number one, so what I talked about, the importance of relational health and relational success. 00:02:52.159 --> 00:03:02.479 It's the most important thing in our earthly life only next to, only second to, in order, our personal relationship with God. 00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:08.560 So relationships are the most important thing in our life, our relationship with God, and our relationship with people. 00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:12.240 And if we don't get that right, nothing is right. 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:16.879 And if we get those things right, everything is right. 00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:21.599 True success is relational success. 00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:33.599 You've all known people who were very successful in certain areas, but all their relationships were broken. 00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:38.240 And that's a sad condition of a human being right there. 00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:42.479 You know in that moment you succeeded in all the wrong things. 00:03:43.039 --> 00:03:51.599 Better to have failed in all of those minor things and have relational health and relational success than the other way around. 00:03:52.560 --> 00:04:06.960 So in light of that truth, the principles, the biblical principles that govern relational success have to be some of the most important biblical principles that there are. 00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:10.479 And so that's where we've been for the last few weeks. 00:04:10.639 --> 00:04:15.599 So we're talking about five biblical principles that govern relational health. 00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:16.720 There's more than that. 00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:22.000 We're talking about these five, uh, just so we at least have a handful. 00:04:22.160 --> 00:04:28.959 And I'm telling you, if you do these, if you get good at these, you will have relational success. 00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:35.519 They work, they're unbiased, they'll work in anybody's life in any relational situation. 00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:40.639 And the first one was we talked about take relational responsibility. 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:43.839 Your relational health is your responsibility. 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:47.519 Your personal health is your responsibility, your relational health is your responsibility. 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:53.279 You can't blame anybody else for the if you have a lack of relational health. 00:04:53.519 --> 00:05:10.319 And here's what I want to say as a recap: if you invest relationally and intentionally sow those types of seeds, you will have a harvest of support and community, but you will not reap where you haven't sown. 00:05:11.279 --> 00:05:22.480 Now I'll take just a second here to say this because it was on my heart, but I spent years uh on staff at Gateway Church, and one of my responsibilities there was uh to oversee the care department. 00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:26.319 I oversaw many departments, but one of them was the care department. 00:05:26.560 --> 00:05:36.879 And, you know, if you needed something, if you had a life event, if you hospital, you know, any kind of crisis or issue, usually it was more of the negative things. 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:42.720 Uh sometimes it was somebody that said, Hey, you know, my my kids are getting married and we don't have anybody to do to do the wedding. 00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:46.399 One of the pastors do the wedding, something that was more of a positive thing. 00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:51.279 But usually it was something bad and someone needed support. 00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:53.199 They needed community. 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:59.759 And so they would text care to 71010, and you know, depending on where they were at, it would make its way to me. 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:19.279 And I just remember getting so burdened and so grieved at the number of Christians that I would get on the phone with, and they've lived their lives as Christians, they've lived their lives as believers, and they've they've attended church, and when a crisis hit, they had nobody around them. 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:30.720 They were surrounded by hundreds and sometimes thousands of people on a Sunday, but when a crisis hit, they had nobody around them. 00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:33.360 Whose fault is that? 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:35.199 It's their fault. 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:36.720 It's not the church's fault. 00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:41.040 That's not the church's job to build your community for you. 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:42.720 It's your job. 00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:45.120 You have to take relational responsibility. 00:06:45.199 --> 00:06:58.399 And I remember sitting there going, man, maybe we maybe we do have some responsibility in the fact we in the sense we haven't taught people how to build relationships and how to build community, and that it is their responsibility. 00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:11.759 And so when you sow relationally and you sow into community and you sow into relationships, guess what you don't ever have to worry about? 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:16.079 Not having the support that you need when life gets hard. 00:07:16.319 --> 00:07:34.079 Not having the support and the celebration that you need when life gets good, when there's things to celebrate, when there's birthday parties and there's baby showers, and there's births and there's weddings, and there's all of those things, funerals, all the things that life throws at us, the good, the bad. 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:39.920 There's nothing like having a community of people that show up. 00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:49.360 And the only reason and the only way that happens, that's a harvest that shows up where you sowed seed, where you've got seed in the ground. 00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:50.240 Amen. 00:07:50.959 --> 00:07:55.519 And so, again, take relational responsibility. 00:07:55.680 --> 00:07:58.160 It's it's mega, mega, mega important. 00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:03.439 Number two, this was last week, we talked about forgive, not last week, the week before. 00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:06.639 Pastor Matt Washington did a great job preaching for us last week. 00:08:06.959 --> 00:08:09.519 Forgive and apologize often. 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:12.319 Forgive and apologize often. 00:08:12.720 --> 00:08:15.360 Mega principle of relational health. 00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:19.120 Cannot have relational health without that. 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:24.480 When you forgive someone and release them, that's what we did. 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:30.800 We filled the altar and we we brought people that we needed to forgive, that we needed to release. 00:08:31.439 --> 00:08:37.919 When you forgive someone, you release them and what they did to God, you align yourself with being blessed. 00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:46.080 God's blessing, remember the definition of blessing, it runs parallel with the definition of forgive. 00:08:46.559 --> 00:08:50.639 So to be blessed and to forgive run parallel with each other. 00:08:50.720 --> 00:08:52.240 They're in alignment with each other. 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:56.559 So when we forgive, we align ourselves with blessing. 00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:06.559 And when you hold on to and harbor an offense and you distance yourself from people, you align with being cursed. 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:11.279 Satan's curses run parallel with offense and division. 00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:12.879 Always remember that. 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:15.440 Okay, so that brings us to where we are today. 00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:19.440 Number three, put trust in the gap. 00:09:19.679 --> 00:09:20.879 Put trust in the gap. 00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:22.159 Let me explain that a little bit. 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:23.200 So, what is a gap? 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:24.879 A relational gap. 00:09:25.120 --> 00:09:38.879 Relational gaps are specific areas of an important relationship that have to be intentionally stewarded to preserve the health and longevity of the relationship itself. 00:09:39.360 --> 00:09:40.159 Say that again. 00:09:40.399 --> 00:09:50.399 Relational gaps are specific areas of an important relationship that have to be intentionally stewarded to preserve the health and longevity of the relationship itself. 00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:59.840 What you actively or passively put in the gap determines the climate or the atmosphere of that relationship. 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:06.159 You can fill a gap with trust or you can fill it with suspicion. 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:08.720 Positive things or negative things. 00:10:08.799 --> 00:10:18.000 And let me say this: if you don't intentionally fill a relational gap with positive things, it will automatically fill with negative things. 00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:20.320 That's our human default. 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:27.279 We by default put suspicion in the gap, negative things in the gap. 00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:30.559 And that always wounds the relationship. 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:41.519 In other words, if we're not incredibly intentional and proactive to fill those gaps with positive things, we will automatically fill them with negative things. 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:43.919 So here's just a simple example. 00:10:44.159 --> 00:10:52.240 If I'm having a meeting and someone is late, someone shows up late, that creates a gap. 00:10:52.399 --> 00:10:56.159 And I'm going to give some other specific things that create gaps. 00:10:56.320 --> 00:10:59.759 There's a lot of stuff that creates gaps, and they're not all sin. 00:10:59.919 --> 00:11:01.360 They're not all anything like that. 00:11:02.000 --> 00:11:03.440 It's just a gap. 00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:04.559 It's a gap. 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:06.159 It's a question mark. 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:10.559 If I'm having a meeting and someone is late, there's a gap. 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:20.799 My instinctive suspicion is that that person is irresponsible, they're lazy, they don't care, it's disrespectful, right? 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:24.159 They don't prioritize this, this isn't important to them. 00:11:24.480 --> 00:11:25.759 All of that, right? 00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:32.399 But trust says, you know, I'm sure they couldn't help it. 00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:34.320 Something must have happened. 00:11:34.559 --> 00:11:38.559 They're a great person, and I know they have a really good reason, right? 00:11:38.799 --> 00:11:40.559 That's what trust says. 00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:44.559 Um, here's an example. 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:53.200 If someone doesn't show up to church and they didn't communicate to anyone that they weren't coming or why they wouldn't be there, that creates a gap. 00:11:53.360 --> 00:11:55.120 That's just kind of the season we're in, right? 00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:58.399 We're a small church, there's nowhere to hide in a small church. 00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:00.399 You know what I do love though? 00:12:00.639 --> 00:12:05.679 I love being when there's a bunch of people out and we're like, everyone's going, where's so-and-so? 00:12:05.840 --> 00:12:06.320 Where's so-and-so? 00:12:06.559 --> 00:12:07.120 Where's so-and-so? 00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:10.639 And I actually know where they are, or somebody knows where they are. 00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:11.279 I don't know, where are they? 00:12:11.440 --> 00:12:16.960 And then somebody's like, oh, yeah, they're doing this, they're doing that, they had a grandbaby, they're on vacation, or they're not feeling well. 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:21.039 And there's literally been times where we knew where every single person was. 00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:22.320 That's amazing. 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:23.840 Um, that's a blessing. 00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:26.159 That's not always the case at a church, right? 00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:33.759 But they didn't show up, they didn't communicate, and uh, you know, I can I can start thinking, oh, their hearts aren't with us. 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:40.799 They they they might that may they probably had another church this morning, you know, they're they're they're leaving, my preaching's terrible. 00:12:40.960 --> 00:12:43.440 They don't like, they don't like the church, you know. 00:12:43.679 --> 00:12:52.480 And and it's those are the suspicious thoughts that I can put in that gap, or I can go, man, I need to check on them. 00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:53.759 They may have something going on. 00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:57.519 There may be something going on, you know, I want to make sure that they're okay. 00:12:57.759 --> 00:12:59.039 And guess what? 00:12:59.679 --> 00:13:09.200 You know, most of the time, almost all the time, the suspicious thoughts are wrong and the trustful thoughts are right. 00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:11.600 Almost all the time. 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:21.679 Uh, you know, so in a situation like that, you can go full-blown sus and think, man, their hearts aren't with us. 00:13:21.840 --> 00:13:25.440 They're not committed, they're probably going to another church, right? 00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:37.840 Or you can choose to have intercessory thoughts, like they must be out of town, they're physically unable to come, maybe struggling with something, or they would be here if they could. 00:13:37.919 --> 00:13:41.840 I know they would be there if they be here if they could, right? 00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:54.879 Whichever one of those things I choose to put in that gap will determine my posture and my attitude towards that person. 00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:02.480 This is something that's happening all the time in your in internally in your soul. 00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:10.720 Almost all the time, the positive trust in the gaps are the right thoughts. 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:13.440 Rarely are the negative thoughts right. 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:14.639 So guess what? 00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:20.799 If you just default, if you try to make your default positive, this is what we call benefit of the doubt, right? 00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:24.159 You're usually going to be right. 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:40.080 Now, if someone being late becomes a pattern, or if someone not coming and not communicating becomes a pattern, you definitely have a heart problem and or at best a character issue, and there's a conversation for clarity that's needed. 00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:42.879 Okay, so don't ignore, don't ignore patterns. 00:14:43.039 --> 00:14:48.639 This isn't a message of like just put trust in the gap and enable somebody's irresponsibility. 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:53.840 But have you ever had a relationship that was going great? 00:14:54.000 --> 00:15:01.840 The air was clear, hearts and minds were in sync, and then something shifted, and now they're acting differently around you. 00:15:02.159 --> 00:15:06.480 There's distance, there's mild tension, maybe slight awkwardness. 00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:08.480 Anyone have ever had that happen? 00:15:08.639 --> 00:15:10.639 Everybody has had that happen. 00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:16.480 It's almost always the result of a gap that was filled with something negative. 00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:18.559 Almost always. 00:15:19.840 --> 00:15:30.480 Whether it was on you or on them, when you start putting negative things in the gap of a relationship, it starts feeling awkward when you're in each other's presence. 00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:31.679 And that's a good thing. 00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:34.639 That's an indicator something, something's off. 00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:36.000 Something's off. 00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:38.960 So pay attention to those things. 00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:43.039 Genesis 3, verse 1. 00:15:43.279 --> 00:15:49.039 Now, this is a scripture and a picture of what I call the original gap whisperer. 00:15:49.679 --> 00:15:52.320 The original gap whisperer right here. 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:58.879 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord had made. 00:15:59.279 --> 00:16:04.559 He said to the woman, Did God really say? 00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:11.919 Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden? 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:26.879 The woman said to the serpent, We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die. 00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:32.320 You will not certainly die, the serpent said to the woman. 00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:42.879 Listen, for God knows that when you eat from it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil. 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:55.279 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. 00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:58.799 She also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it. 00:16:58.960 --> 00:17:09.920 Now, just think for a second of from that moment all of the collective pain and hurt that sin has caused. 00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:19.440 Think of all the abuse, all the sexual immorality, all the lying, all the deceit, all the rebellion, all the criminal activity. 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:25.680 Think of all of the addiction, all of the pain from sin. 00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:33.599 And it started with a moment where Eve could choose: was she going to put trust in the gap or suspicion in the gap? 00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:41.039 Was she going to let the gap whisperer come and cause her to question the intentions of God? 00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:45.759 Be suspicious of the intentions of God? 00:17:46.079 --> 00:17:47.839 Did God really say? 00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:52.799 Oh, he just knows if you do that, you'll be like him. 00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:55.759 In other words, he's withholding something good from you. 00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:57.359 Suspicion. 00:17:58.160 --> 00:17:58.960 Doubt. 00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:02.400 Something negative entered into the heart. 00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:03.200 And what did it do? 00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:05.200 It changed what she saw. 00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:09.039 Immediately, she started seeing stuff differently. 00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:14.160 That's a serious conversation. 00:18:14.559 --> 00:18:16.640 Notice it started with a question. 00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:19.359 Sin started with a question. 00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:25.200 What did God really say? 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:27.119 Oh, he just knows. 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:28.799 If you do that, you'll be like him. 00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:30.880 He's holding, he's holding out on you. 00:18:31.119 --> 00:18:32.960 He's withholding something good from you. 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:35.039 You can't trust God. 00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:43.759 The gap was filled with suspicion, and she began to question the intentions of God's heart towards her. 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:49.680 And that's exactly what happens today in our relationship with God and in our relationship with each other. 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:56.720 In Luke 22, verse 42, you see another relational gap here. 00:18:57.519 --> 00:18:58.880 Jesus and the Father. 00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:00.960 Jesus is praying in the garden. 00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:02.799 Most of you know the story. 00:19:03.119 --> 00:19:12.000 He's praying in the garden and he's agonizing and he's praying to the Father, and he says, Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. 00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:18.240 And he pauses and he says, Yet I want your will to be done, not mine. 00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:22.720 Jesus had a gap there. 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:25.519 If you're willing, God, are you willing? 00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:27.359 Maybe you're not willing. 00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:30.799 If you're willing. 00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:33.920 But then he goes, I'm gonna close this gap. 00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:38.400 Not yet, nevertheless, not my will be done, your will be done. 00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:40.559 Your will be done, not mine. 00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:44.319 He puts trust in the gap. 00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:51.279 Remember when he was on the cross and he said, Father, why have you forsaken me? 00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:54.960 Why have you forsaken me? 00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:59.119 And then he cries out, It is finished. 00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:04.480 Into your hands I commit my spirit to close the gap. 00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:12.160 This is the as you love yourself part of the greatest commandments. 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:20.559 We started with that scripture where he says the first commandment and the second is like it, love your neighbor as you love yourself. 00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:29.279 So part of this putting trust in the gap is you really you know how to do this because you do it for yourself. 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:34.160 You put trust in the gap when it comes to yourself. 00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:40.240 What you have to do is give other people that same advantage. 00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:45.519 You have to give other people that same credit that you give yourself. 00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:51.039 So here's a few things that can create gaps in our relationships. 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:52.640 I think we have a slide for these. 00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:55.680 Here are a few things that create gaps in our relationships. 00:20:55.839 --> 00:20:57.839 Number one, irresponsibility. 00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:00.400 Irresponsibility creates gaps. 00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:03.759 Any type of irresponsibility creates gaps. 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:06.960 Again, take relational responsibility, right? 00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:22.079 So whether that's character defects, whether that's, you know, just uh failing to take responsibility in any area of your life is going to negatively affect, not just relationally, just personally. 00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:25.200 It's going to negatively affect your relationships. 00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:27.359 It's going to create gaps. 00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:33.119 When you don't do what you're supposed to do, it's going to create gaps in all your relationships. 00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:36.720 And so uh the next one is insecurity. 00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:38.640 Insecurity creates gaps. 00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:42.960 Our personal insecurities create gaps in relationships. 00:21:43.279 --> 00:21:45.839 Absence creates gaps. 00:21:46.079 --> 00:21:50.160 Just again, like I mentioned, not showing up, just not being present. 00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:52.480 Distance creates gaps. 00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:58.960 When you distance yourself from somebody and you don't communicate why, what's going on, that creates a gap. 00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:02.400 And someone Got to go, hey, what's going on with so-and-so? 00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:04.000 Where are they at? 00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:06.160 Why have they what where are they at? 00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:07.119 Why did they stop coming? 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:08.240 Why did they stop showing up? 00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:09.359 Why did they stop calling? 00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:10.480 Why did they stop texting? 00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:12.160 Why did they stop responding? 00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:13.680 It creates a gap. 00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:17.599 It creates a question that then has to be answered. 00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:21.519 Silence creates gaps. 00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:28.400 You can also reverse these and know what closes gaps. 00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:31.440 Neglect creates gaps. 00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:33.519 Differences create gaps. 00:22:33.599 --> 00:22:38.319 Sometimes it's just a difference, a difference of belief, a difference of opinion. 00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:41.039 Can create a gap. 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:47.839 Disagreements create gaps and misunderstandings create gaps. 00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:52.880 Now, how many of you know that none of those are really sin, per se? 00:22:53.279 --> 00:23:03.279 Irresponsibility could could flirt with it, but most of those things are just normal things that exist within a normal relationship. 00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:07.920 That's a lot of gaps that can be created, and that's just a small list. 00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:18.000 So it's actually safe to say that anything other than the fruit of the Spirit, listed in Galatians 5.20 can create relational gaps. 00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:32.400 And so here's what happens: the gap is there, and then the enemy goes straight to that gap and he inserts a plethora of negative, critical, judgmental, and suspicious thoughts and accusations. 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:39.759 And that one attack from him can destroy your destiny and derail your purpose. 00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:41.680 Just that one attack. 00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:52.640 It was enough for Eve to get into her relationship with God and to derail and destroy her destiny and her purpose. 00:23:54.480 --> 00:24:10.640 The enemy gets into our relationships through the gaps that get filled with suspicion, critical thoughts, judgment, pride, negativity, disappointment, complaining, offense, lies, assumptions, rudeness, etc. 00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:27.519 God gets into our relationships through trust, love, forgiveness, humility, kindness, honesty, clear communication, understanding, patience, loving confrontation, truth, et cetera, right? 00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:35.119 Any relationship the enemy can get in, he can destroy, including your relationship with God. 00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:38.880 So this isn't a fluffy conversation about relational health. 00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:41.519 It's a serious, serious matter. 00:24:42.160 --> 00:24:53.039 Matthew 7, verse 1, Jesus says, Do not judge others, and you will not be judged, for you will be treated as you treat others. 00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:59.200 The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. 00:25:02.559 --> 00:25:11.279 And why worry, listen to this, this is important, and why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? 00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:22.640 How can you think of saying to your friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye when you can't see the post, uh when you can't see past the log in your own eye? 00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:24.240 Hypocrite. 00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:27.519 First get rid of the log in your own eye. 00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:34.240 Listen, then you will see clear enough, well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye. 00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:39.359 So Jesus isn't saying, don't deal with the speck in your friend's eye. 00:25:40.319 --> 00:25:44.240 He's just saying you gotta close some gaps before you do that. 00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:56.000 Because if you're looking at somebody suspiciously, if you're looking at somebody judgmentally, because there's a speck in their eye, there's something about them that's bothering you. 00:25:58.559 --> 00:26:02.400 What he says is close the gap in your own life first. 00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:09.759 Then you'll be able to deal with the speck in their eye. 00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:16.720 So it's not that he doesn't want us dealing with the specks in each other's lives, the gaps in each other's lives. 00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:20.319 He just wants us to take self-inventory before we do. 00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:27.039 What he doesn't want is us poking each other in the eyes, and we're and then the blind are leading the blind, right? 00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:39.039 So it's a good principle, a relational health principle here is hey, I need to be aware of some of the gaps in my life. 00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:43.039 I need to be aware of the benefit of the doubt that I give myself. 00:26:43.759 --> 00:26:48.799 If I have to love my neighbor as I love myself, what does that mean? 00:26:49.440 --> 00:26:50.960 What does that mean? 00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:54.240 I trust myself. 00:26:54.640 --> 00:26:56.480 I give myself the benefit of the doubt. 00:26:56.559 --> 00:26:59.839 I let myself off the hook pretty fast when you mess up. 00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:03.359 How many of you, when you mess up, you let yourself off the hook pretty fast? 00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:08.720 And you wish your spouse did the same. 00:27:11.119 --> 00:27:15.359 We have to get good at closing gaps and filling gaps. 00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:17.680 Closing gaps and filling gaps. 00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:21.359 So closing a gap is the speck in your own eye. 00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:25.839 Filling a gap is helping someone with the speck in their eye. 00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:34.400 Filling a gap is putting trust in the gap, putting intercessory thoughts in the gap, positive thoughts, and benefit of the doubt in the gap. 00:27:34.559 --> 00:27:36.799 But sometimes we have to close a gap, right? 00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:38.960 Here's a simple example of closing a gap. 00:27:39.119 --> 00:27:49.279 If you're gonna be late to a to a lunch or a coffee or a meeting, you text that person and you say, I'm hey, I'm on my way, I'm I'm running a little bit behind. 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:53.759 No way they're gonna sit in a coffee shop for 10 minutes going, did they forget? 00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:54.640 What's the deal? 00:27:54.880 --> 00:27:58.400 They don't value my time, you know, they're running all those thoughts through their head. 00:27:58.559 --> 00:27:59.680 No, you close the gap. 00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:00.559 That's a simple thing. 00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:04.240 So it's essentially communication is how you close relational gaps. 00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:08.559 You will not be able to prevent them all, but you can close them. 00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:13.279 And sometimes closing them is preventing them from happening, and then fill the gap. 00:28:13.359 --> 00:28:18.000 So closing gaps is about preventing, is about being responsible and proactive. 00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:24.640 Um, and then filling them is about choosing to put trust or positive things in the gap when there is one. 00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:29.359 And in most cases, proactive clear communication will close a gap. 00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:35.119 All right, so if they don't close it, you have to fill it. 00:28:35.359 --> 00:28:36.880 Or the enemy will. 00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:44.720 If someone doesn't close a gap, it's hard to be friends with someone who has lots, who creates lots of gaps, right? 00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:48.880 Because you, if you're gonna be friends with someone, it's called being friends with a difficult person. 00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:55.200 You gotta be really good at filling gaps if you're gonna be friends with a difficult person, right? 00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:04.400 And on the other hand, if they won't fill it, you must close it, or the enemy will. 00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:10.160 This is the cause of so many divorces, broken families, divided relationships. 00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:14.720 Uh, either way, a gap is yours to close or to fill. 00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:18.880 And the fate of that relationship is your responsibility, okay? 00:29:19.119 --> 00:29:26.240 So there's exceptions for unhealthy, dysfunctional, or abusive people, uh, unhealthy, dysfunctional, abusive relationships. 00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:28.160 There's exceptions to this, right? 00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:37.119 But this mostly applies to important relationships that you need to be in to fulfill your purpose and calling in this life. 00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:38.799 Now, here's some funny stuff. 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:40.799 This is funny, but it's true. 00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:46.559 Uh, and and this was inspired by um uh a book, a John Maxwell book. 00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:50.720 I forget the actual book it came out of, but some of some of this was in there. 00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:54.799 When the other person takes a long time, they're slow. 00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:58.319 When I take a long time, I'm thorough. 00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:02.000 When the other person is late, it's poor planning. 00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:05.039 When I'm late, my plate is just too full. 00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:08.160 When the other person drops the ball, they're irresponsible. 00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:11.440 When I dropped the ball, it was an unreasonable task. 00:30:11.680 --> 00:30:14.160 When the other person doesn't do it, they're lazy. 00:30:14.319 --> 00:30:16.240 When I don't do it, I'm busy. 00:30:16.559 --> 00:30:20.960 When the other person does it without being told, they're overstepping their bounds. 00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:22.960 When I do it, it's initiative. 00:30:23.279 --> 00:30:26.319 When the other person gets ahead, it's calling in favors. 00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:28.400 When I do it, I earned it. 00:30:28.640 --> 00:30:31.519 When the other person pleases the boss, he's a kiss up. 00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:33.519 When I do it, I'm a servant. 00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:37.279 When the other person overlooks a rule, he's cheating. 00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:39.599 When I do it, I'm original. 00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:42.319 When the other person says, How are you? 00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:43.599 they're being fake. 00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:45.839 When I do it, I'm sincere. 00:30:46.079 --> 00:30:49.599 When the other person stays late, she's striving. 00:30:49.759 --> 00:30:52.079 When I do it, I'm a hard worker. 00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:55.359 You see where this goes, right? 00:30:55.839 --> 00:31:00.319 This is the as you love yourself part of the commandment. 00:31:01.119 --> 00:31:05.680 It's giving them the same benefit of the doubt you give yourself. 00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:12.880 It's giving them the same level of patience and grace and mercy that you give yourself. 00:31:15.839 --> 00:31:23.920 We have to constantly be aware of the relational grace that we're extending or failing to extend to others. 00:31:24.160 --> 00:31:27.759 It's about you giving others the same benefit of the doubt you give yourself. 00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:35.680 Here's this one of the secrets: minimize the negative and maximize the positive, just like you do for yourself, right? 00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:38.880 We minimize the negative, we maximize the positive. 00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:44.960 We always think that we're better than we really are when we estimate our own selves. 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:48.960 We give ourselves a couple of points in the positive direction. 00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:57.440 This one principle, listen, I know I've said a lot today, this one principle will revolutionize your relationships. 00:31:57.759 --> 00:31:59.839 It will revolutionize your relationships. 00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:12.880 It's important, it's weighty, it's serious, and if we really, really get good at putting trust in the gap, intercessory thoughts in the gap, forgiveness in the gap, patience in the gap, right? 00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:15.200 Think of the all the fruit of the spirit. 00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:23.680 If we put those things in the gaps of our relationships, all of our relationships will go to the next level of health and fruitfulness. 00:32:24.559 --> 00:32:31.599 It's a principle that I live by, that I've lived by for years, and it works. 00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:38.720 It works, it makes for a lot uh less stress in relationships. 00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:43.359 The reason people aren't that good in relationships is because they're hard, they're complex. 00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:54.480 The greatest joys you'll ever experience in life will come by the hands of people, and the greatest pain you'll experience in life will come at the hands of people, right? 00:32:55.119 --> 00:33:05.680 And so anything we can do to improve the quality of our relationship with God and to improve the quality of our relationship with people is going to change our life. 00:33:05.839 --> 00:33:07.279 It's going to change our life. 00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:09.839 And this all this applies with our relationship with God. 00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:18.000 How many of you know sometimes it's easy to not to wonder if he has your best interest in mind when you're going through something hard? 00:33:18.319 --> 00:33:23.119