Doing it Anywayz

What happens when you stop waiting for the perfect circumstance and decide that you're doing it anyway? 

This is the first podcast episode which was recorded last year and intended to be the very first episode of I Should Probably Be In Therapy But...

Obviously things didn't go to plan and I couldn't find the front camera facing footage so enjoy the audio instead! I have released a few smaller spirals but this is where the original version of the podcast began in the summer of 2025!

In this episode, I talk about goals and ambition and the slightly unhinged levels of belief it can sometimes take to keep going when life really does it's thing. 

I take you back to when I became a Mum at just 19 years old and how I navigated life thereafter in pursuing my goals and dreams, how goals seem intrinsically tied to my existence, how goals connect us to a higher purpose and why we should be detached in pursuit of those goals. 

I truly want you to reflect on this one solo journey that you have been given of life and what are your goals and dreams that you are striving for. 

Waiting for the right circumstances just doesn't exist, sometimes you really do need to hit that FUCK IT button, be relentless in the pursuit and don't forget to have fun along the way. 

I hope you enjoy this long- form episode! 

Love always x 

PS. If you have only found my podcast & are yet to see ME then come over to @shouldbeintherapybut on Instagram and say Hi! 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:19

Hello and welcome to my very first podcast episode. My name is Faye. Hello. So nice to have you here. This is my first ever podcast that I have ever recorded, and it's my own. And it is called I Should Probably Be in Therapy, but. So we're going to dive into why I should probably be in therapy and why I am not. If you don't already follow me on social media, then please follow me on Instagram, Fab underscore LDN. I would love to hear what you think of the podcast. Alternatively, the podcast does have its own Instagram page and it's actually called Should Be in Therapy, but the probably part of it was just way too long to put into an Instagram handle. So if you want to see any of the behind-the-scenes footage or just catch up with any more extra juicy bits that might be over there on the Instagram page, then please feel free to follow me over there as well. Okay, so why like hair on my face? Why I have why now? Why a pod? What the hell for? Okay, so I would always say that I have had an entrepreneurial spirit. I wouldn't say that I've always allowed myself the space and time to fully tap into exactly what it is that I've wanted to pursue or what else I want to get out of life. Um, you know, I would say I have always followed that kind of like nine to five sort of route. And although I absolutely, you know, admire people who are able to, you know, create these like wonderful lives and living and you know, being able to possibly like content create and things like that, and really seem to have this kind of like time freedom where they're just doing all these amazing things and taking their kids to these like absolutely amazing places. I probably haven't put myself into that same bracket as well. So even though, you know, all throughout my life, I would even say from like my early 20s, I've always had different ideas that I've been able to like completely see this vision for, and then not quite put together like the little steps in between to get me from like initial idea and that initial excitement and the initial buzz to actually fully see it through to that final product that then you know you take that final product out into the world, and then you know, you're then serving people by whatever the product is that you know it is that you have like you know created and put together. So, anyways, I would always say that I have had this and I've had this drive and I've had this desire, and I've always been so goal-oriented to the point where if I don't feel like I have a goal, I find it very, very difficult to feel as if I'm on the right track almost in life. Um, I've always studied, so I've actually got a master's degree in English literature, and the another big goal of mine talking about goals is actually to complete my PhD. From a very young age, I had always said that I would love to be a writer, a published author. And that was always like the dream because I've always put stories together from from when I was so small, and English literature and language has always been a love of mine and a real passion. So, you know, further study in higher, you know, education never felt like it was a chore. It always just felt like it was a natural progression. And for me, then in my head, the kind of like reality of that dream job of being an author would then be to be an English lecturer, because I would have to put together academic papers and I would submit them to journals, and therefore, in some way, shape, or form, I would be a published writer. So that was always, always my thought process. And I think by by having that and having that kind of like that foundation, then when I don't have goals or sort of projects it is that I'm working on, I then do seem to sort of feel a little bit lost and perhaps question, you know, my bigger purpose and my wider purpose, like within the world itself, right? So so, in terms of the this pod podcast, and why would I decide to set this up now? And why who is even gonna listen? Who even cares? And respectfully, like nobody needs to care. So the idea came to me when I was driving home from work one day. And when I go to work, um in the mornings, not so much, depending on what it is that I'm listening to. Um, I like to listen to personal development. Particular day, I was actually listening to a podcast as well, and it's an absolutely gorgeous day, glorious, glorious day. So just really enjoying this podcast um episode. And there was obviously something said in that that then really struck a chord with me, where all of a sudden I said to myself, that's it. I should probably be in therapy, but that's what I'm gonna call the podcast. And I was so sure, I was so certain in that moment. I said to myself, I'm gonna record the podcast, and this is what I'm gonna call it. And within like 24 hours, I had come up with the logo on Canva, had set up the Instagram page for it as well, and I think the TikTok at the same time, and just said to myself, that's it, I'm gonna do it. And I knew how many episodes it was that I wanted to record, and I knew, roughly speaking, exactly what it would be that I was gonna talk about across the episodes. Now I just feel like if an idea comes to you in that way, as it did that day for me, literally like that, that just just like something clicked. It all just just fit together. That why would I not act on that? So I ran my ideas apost, like you know, a couple of like my closest friends and a business mentor that I've been working with as well, and they all just said, go for it. That's it, just do it. Just like don't even think about it, just don't even think twice, just do it. And I can genuinely truly say in that moment, on that day, I just hit this fuck it button comes to you in such a way that it's almost as if like, why should I not act on it? So almost possibly seems slightly absurd, and it always seems just a bit crazy when somebody does something that's potentially like out of the ordinary and it just feels a little bit strange or different, and if some people aren't in that themselves or aren't on that kind of vibe, I would say, you know, that then it does feel like a little bit alien and it feels kind of you know a bit weird when you're like you're putting yourself out there and stuff, and it's just for me, like I was saying, like I've always had goals, I've always had things to work towards, and then this is just like a part of like a much bigger picture of things that I want to do and the direction that I want to take in my life, and it's almost as if I have to kind of like wonder if I didn't, then what would I do? That is the point that I'm at now where if I didn't go down this route and I didn't pursue this dream, what dream would I be pursuing? Because right about now, the vision for me is there a hundred percent and it doesn't have to make sense to anybody else, and it doesn't have to, I don't need to explain to anybody as to why I want to do something or why I feel like I should be doing something, but it's just that that if I didn't do this, then I don't know what else it would be that I would be doing, and if I didn't have a goal to work towards, then like I was saying, I just feel like I'm not being true to my purpose and I'm not honoring these gifts potentially that I've been given. And like when an idea comes to you and it just fits and it just feels right, then I believe that like inspiration has come from somewhere. It just depends on what way you think of it and and you know how you refer to things like that, whether you just believe that we just have these gifts inside us, whether you believe that they come from God or come from the universe, wherever it is that you believe they come from, these things come to us, and then I just feel like if I didn't do it, then it just doesn't make sense to me to not really do it, to be honest. You know, like I believe we're all here and we all have our own life to get on with. I've got a master's green, English literature. Okay. Now I had to take a few steps to get there. I always knew that I wanted to have at least a master's. Ideally, the goal is to have my PhD and to have papers published from an academic side as well. So, in order to get there, I can't, I couldn't just leave secondary school and then just go straight away and be like, oh, you know what, I actually thought about it, and I'm gonna be an English lecturer because like that's just what I feel like doing. There's obviously steps that you have to take to get you there, and that next step then was obviously A levels. So naturally, I took English literature, and then from there I decided that I was going to go and do an English degree. Um, interestingly, I had actually started off by I was doing an English and drama joint honours degree. Now, when I was 19, I became a parent. So I had my son at 19 years old. Needless to say, it wasn't planned. And I say it wasn't planned. However, it depends on where your views sit with this, right? So we could argue and say that it was actually a part of a much bigger plan by somebody else, right? Again, whether you believe in the universe, God, whatever, whoever. Okay, so um, my son was born, so I was 19 years old, like I say, was not a part of the plan. I was enrolled at Queen Mary's University, London. I was doing English and Drama Joint Honours. Now, for me, it was not even a question that I was going to continue with my studies, it was more of a like, this is what I know that I'm doing, and it's kind of like a just like a how am I going to do that, right? So um, I I have my son, so I'm anyways. I'm laughing, but it's not actually a funny situation. My son was born under very, very difficult circumstances. So, like I say, I was 19 when I had him. Uh I was just turned 19, and then two months later, I gave birth to my son. Okay. Now I had always been very fit, very healthy, um, always into exercise from a young, young age, uh, very much so into like weightlifting. And I just distinctly remember one night sitting in my bed in my parents' house, looking through the birthing booklet, and I actually just literally went, oh, I literally just turned the whole section that was to do with cesareans. Because I was just like, I'm not gonna need to have a cesarean. Why would I need to have a cesarean? I'm you know, fit and healthy, like, of course, I'm just gonna like pop this baby out, and um, and he was actually due in the Easter break for uni. So I was like perfect. Like, this is absolutely perfect. This is wild. So I'm gonna have him in the Easter break, um, and then I'm gonna go back and sit my exams, and I'm gonna finish up my coursework, any coursework that I haven't got done, finish up those, go and sit my, you know, however many exams it was that I had, and then I would be done. And then I would go back in the September, and I'd already had him provisionally enrolled at the nursery that they had on site. Had it all planned, had it all set out. So then I didn't have my son, uh, didn't just pop him out, like I had said. Um, ended up having a cesarean section, the whole part of the birthing booklet that I had decided to just completely gloss over, like not even, I don't even know if I read one part of that page, if I'm honest. Don't think I did, because I was so adamant I was having a water birth and I was having no pain relief and everything else. So I had a cesarean, emergency cesarean, and it was one hell of an emergency birth, if I've ever known one. Um, he was very, very poorly. He had severe meconium aspiration, which for any parents who might be listening will know that that is when the babies become distressed in the womb and they swallow meconium, and it is a sticky, tar-like substance which can burn the lungs, if I remember correctly. And for my poor son, his lungs were nearly completely full. He was not in a good way when he was born. I'll just put it that way. I don't want to take this first episode off into a completely different direction. He was not in a good way at all, okay. And he, I didn't know this at the time, and I found out later on that his um survival rate chance was put actually at 30%. So he had a 30% chance of surviving his entrance into the world. He also had uh persistent pulmonary hypertension as well. His heart rate was yeah, 10 to the dozen, basically. And there were various different complications that had happened along along that way. He was put onto a life-saving treatment called ECMO, where effectively his blood was um taken out of the body, reoxygenized, and then pumped back into the body. This, of course, that means meant that he had to have um tubes that were put down into um his heart. And uh they went in through the neck. Obviously, this is a baby that's only just been born. He was um he was put onto ECMO. Was he 12 hours old by then? He was born at two o'clock in the morning. Maybe roughly about 12 hours old. Um, if that he so basically my son was taken off to Great Warmond Street, and because I'd had the emergency cesarean and there weren't any beds available at that time when he needed to be transferred. I had to wait back at our local hospital whilst he went off to Great Walmond Street and had this insane um life-saving treatment. So, needless to say, that wasn't the quick, easy water bath that I was expecting to have in the Easter break and get back to uni and just finish up, like literally tie up the first year of my joint English and drama degree and get back for like full force in like September, October when you go back, right? So it was just a crazy journey. He spent a prolonged time in hospital, and like I say, there was a lot of back and forth. He had different complications along the way, and he then came home at six weeks old, which then we were into the summer at that point. And I was really unsure of what I was going to do moving forward. Not unsure in terms of the of the degree and the studying, but just in terms of now the journey to Queen Mary's University from my home address at the time was would have been a very long journey. It would have, it was easily like an hour there, each so an hour there and an hour back, so like a two-hour round trip, right? That with a with uh you know, a baby who is like who would be at that point like five, six months old, and you know, having had you know such intense surgery and been through such an insane, you know, entrance into the world, he came home on a lot of medication as well. So, you know, it was just all of these things like is this still going to be like a viable option and things like that. I then got enrolled, so I'd also been given an offer at another university which was much, much closer to home. And I hadn't originally gone with that university, but faced with what was happening in my life at that time, um, my mum actually made the call to this university and had explained to them exactly what had gone on. Um, had also, you know, gone over the fact that I had been given a place there the year before, what my A-level results were, etc. And they offered me a place. So then I was back on track to tick off that first goal, and I decided to just study English literature at this point. I didn't massively find um doing the joint drama and English degree hugely um fun or interesting at that point. It was, don't get me wrong, but it was more of the optional modules were more interesting. So, anyways, so I was back on track to get my degree done. And needless to say, it wasn't the easiest, you know. My son didn't really sleep well as a baby, and just that, and university life, becoming a single parent as well. So, not only being a um a young mum, a new mum, then becoming a single parent, um, studying as well was just it wasn't the easiest, but for me, there was no other option. This is just what I wanted to do, this was my goal, and I was just sticking to it, and it was just almost as if like I am going to do this. There was no question about it. That was it. When I had finished my English degree then, and I was so proud of myself for what I had achieved because it just was not easy at all, and I then was trying to find work and um eventually then got into a paid job again. And it was even though I was just in this job and I still had a young child. Fortunately, I was living at home with my parents, I still was like, what is the next thing? What is the next thing on the list? Now, again, like I was saying earlier, my dream has always been to be an English lecturer, okay? And I was, you know, working this job and everything else, and you know, like the money was good, and I just literally gave myself the choice of I could either go and train and be a personal trainer, or I could put the money towards completing my master's degree. Now that time it made sense for me to go ahead and start my master's degree because my son was starting school, I believe, at that point, and like I said, I was juggling this job, I was working full-time at the time, I felt more compelled to go along with doing my master's degree and doing and completing that part-time. So I put myself into that with the sort of thing of like if I really feel compelled to do a personal training course, then at some point later on in life I can, you know, go totally take up like doing another another course. So let's see. So at that moment, then I decided that yeah, it was gonna be the it was gonna be the master's degree that I went ahead. That that's what I was putting my money into. And and then that was the goal, and that was the focus for that time, um, as well. I added to the family as well. So I had met somebody and um added to the family, creating, you know, like a family unit and stuff, and still work towards completing my master's degree and getting my master's degree done. So it was never, you know, it's never for me ever been a question of, you know, like sort of like changing things. Like the the vision and everything has always been there, but it's just that fact of sticking to like the little steps to get you there, you know, like to like keep going. So it's almost as if this this real like resilience of yes, even though my load is probably getting heavier and heavier, because you know, I'd um, like I say, had got into this relationship, you know, had um by the time I then completed my master's, so I'd done it part time because I was working. him I needed to work basically I had my son um then had my daughter and then had another one and I had lost um a couple of family members that I was really close to in the meantime as well and that derailed me then picked up the final year of the so I you know split the masters into two years and I was just so determined to complete that I was coming up to 30 and I was like there is no way that I'm letting this just drag over like any longer it's never really occurred to me that there's anything other than just having goals and goals and dreams that you just always want to work towards so I suppose I've just had this like unwavering determination and 100% delusion as well in there where it doesn't really matter for me what life does throw at me and at times it really does have a lot to throw at me that I will ultimately just keep working towards what is that whatever at that time that I am working towards so yeah so for me for somebody not to have goals or dreams or desires that they are actively working towards is is a little bit like alien to me in that respect then because I just don't see why you wouldn't couldn't shouldn't have goals or dreams or anything that you want to that you want to work towards so so yeah so you know like um I completed my master's degree and I have no doubt in my mind that at some point although right about now it doesn't quite feature specifically now that I will embark on my PhD right in this instant however I know already my project and I'm so short on that already and again for me that is one of those things that it's so I believe in God okay and and I do also refer to things as the universe um as well and I also as well have crystals in my home and I do believe in the power of crystals and things like that. I know this can conflict with certain religious ideas as well and beliefs and notions and as you know my teenager likes to tell me that she doesn't believe in manifestation or like the use of crystals it goes against religion don't come at me over that I do use both I believe myself to be a very spiritual person. For me as well and this is just my premise okay and I I'm not sure at the moment how much I will move from this and this is why I'm saying like please don't at me please don't come at me about this okay because this is just what I believe. So I am Catholic Roman Catholic and I therefore believe in one God and you know we have God the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit okay so for me we have this one God who created the whole of the universe and he is omnipotent omniscient omnipresent okay he's he's created everything if I then did not believe in the power of that said universe equally if I didn't believe that the crystals you know having energy and the fact that I am to a thing of energy that the plants that I have in my home the you know surroundings we have those are also things of energy and if I believe that this God created all of this then why would I why why then am I not believing in both so that's my premise I also studied theology at A level as well okay so I'm very aware for the arguments for and against the existence of God okay but I'm just saying for me and myself that is what I believe in um but we're not we're not gonna turn this into like a religious chat like in the first episode anyways if for example so this idea that I have for my PhD and like this exact this um this thought process that I had behind like this you know podcast now that's come from somewhere okay like whether you believe that it was just there it's of your own back or like I'm saying you know I believe in God that somebody something this was put inside me for you know like whatever reason and and then you know therefore like it's my chance to do something you know with that as well and and that's why you know I feel like if I didn't if I didn't act upon any of the talents that I have that I've been given if I didn't act on certain ideas and things like that that I would be doing myself a massive disservice just in terms of like my purpose in life and potentially you know my bigger yeah my bigger purpose my bigger goal and and potentially even like a goal that I may I may not even be aware of yet or a direction that my life is going to go in that I'm not even aware of yet that God knows it's got it's all figured out and it's just like I've just got to trust in that I've just got to trust in that journey and in myself to obviously have the strength and the conviction to just just literally like get it done. And even even in amongst like all of the excitement and everything else of of having this idea about this podcast and things like that you then kind of like allow sort of like these little like negative thoughts to kind of like creep in and it's like you know what if somebody doesn't listen to it what if somebody doesn't like it and you know what if what if what if and and just worrying about all these other things that could potentially happen before you've even got the thing done before you've even got the thing recorded before you've even got it off the ground and then if you're like allowing this kind of like negativity to really genuinely like come in then you're never going to get anything going like literally nothing. You wouldn't even you know pick up a new like eating habit or or go to the gym for example or if you wanted to learn a new language you you wouldn't because you'd be like so worried about the external and about what somebody else might think just because you're you're doing something and and you just like you can't do that because if say for example you believe that you really want to learn French in a year and then you know you're gonna learn Spanish the next year and and again there doesn't need to be any rhyme or reason to it doesn't need to be that you're gonna move to like to France it's gonna say Paris of Paris that you're gonna move to France um or whatever. It might just be that you just want to learn another language and like that doesn't need to make sense to anybody and you don't need to explain that to anybody like I'm going to give myself a goal of um you know learning French every single day for the next 365 days and that's it. And then after those 365 days I then want to pick up learning Spanish like it doesn't need to make sense to anybody but if it's a goal if you feel compelled to do it if you feel that there is something within you that is just like yeah I'm just gonna do this like then just do it. Like who cares? And who cares if your nearest friends and family like don't give a shit or are like not interested who cares find people that are interested find people you know that also want to learn other languages or you know if it's the gym that you want to do like find people you can still make friends as an adult it's a weird scary concept at times but it's still there for the taking like imagine just thinking now that you have acquired all of the friends that you're ever going to make in life is just bizarre. So find people that actually you know will uplift you about your goals as well and will tell you that yeah of course you can do it like you want to learn French for the next year go ahead like bonjour madame like I'm gonna be on your side like you know do it do it and then if you find yourself surrounded by people who aren't on that vibe they don't have to be specifically wanting to learn French or wanting to start at the gym but if they're not even like remotely supportive of what it is that you want to do or they don't pay any interest then maybe take stock of the kind of people that you're surrounded with because that's always a really telling thing is like when you're starting something new who really genuinely has your back who really is you know telling you that you can do it like getting delusional with you and be like yeah sure like fuck it go for it like who like really cares everybody is so wrapped up in their own shit like 247 like who actually genuinely cares you know there if if people are online and they're they're consuming content for example then yeah okay fine yeah then they may care about what somebody else might be doing like I've started up a new podcast for example and you know whatever someone might come along and be like oh yeah here we go like that's just another person who's got like a podcast yeah like cool okay but then other people may click with that and then may want to stick around and and listen and may want to find out what else it is that you know I want to talk about so so yeah so really that's what I wanted to really think about in this episode is that the fact of always having those dreams and always having those desires and and like why like what's the point like where does it get you but for me personally if you don't have you know like a direction of where it is that you're going then I just I I almost can't compute like my brain can't can't even begin to imagine just just nobody having a goal about anything. I I don't know what that existence must feel like that you don't even have a goal of wanting to work out in a week or you know I don't know like I was saying about like the whole like learning French thing like I you know I don't know like I just I just cannot personally imagine existing without having something that you are working towards okay like so it could be a money goal okay right so it could be a money goal um but yeah just not having something that you are working towards I I don't know maybe maybe people are happier in that type of existence but I don't know I'm not I'm not there I can't say that I have got to a point where I'm you know completely at one with things for me there are a lot of different things that I that I I feel like are kind of like mini projects or massively like on a to-do list that I need to get sorted out. That's just me personally um maybe once I do get to X amount of things that I will equally just feel quite peaceful but not having anything to work towards I cannot I cannot I cannot imagine um so on that thread as well just I really do feel like there is too much important that is put on worrying about like what others think so like I'm not gonna lie the thought of like doing this is so massively exciting also like a bit scary as well because yeah okay fine I'm doing something completely different like none of my friends have ever done anything like this none of my family have ever done anything like this do I think that they think I am slightly batshit crazy for doing this yeah possibly but do I care enough to not do this and the answer is no and and I just think you know like if I was to get to the end of my life for example and and I'm there having my moment you know hopefully hopefully I've got some time for reflection before I make my way out and and if I sat there and I just thought to myself wow you know what like I'm I'm so pleased that I didn't you know write that book or I didn't start that podcast or I didn't start that Instagram page or I didn't you know get those thoughts out there because you know like Joe blogs like my ex-boyfriend Joe blogs um always said like I wouldn't amount to shit and I guess he was right and I'm so glad that I didn't do anything and like what a really fulfilling existence that was based off you know punk face who I don't even speak to you anymore. Yeah I'm really glad that I took his piece of advice or you know it doesn't even have to be an ex it could just be it could be a friend it could be a family member it could be anybody you know an old colleague or whatever someone that's just like talk shit about you like yeah I'm so glad that I listened to those opinions like when you are at that moment and you are you know on your own and you're at the end of it all if you really genuinely could turn around and say I am so happy that I didn't make my own dreams come true because of you know that person that I knew when I was like in my 20s who thought that I was like taking up too much space who thought I was a little bit outlandish who thought I was a little bit you know out of my box who thought I was a little bit you know I won't even say too big for my boots because I don't think you're being too big for your boots by pursuing your dreams but you know what I mean like why yeah like why would you even it's it's it's not an easy thing to get to I'll admit that okay so so in that feeling of like hitting that fuck it button I mean I could have hit the fuck it button and I could have equally walked away from that and I could have actually turned around and said you know what actually I've got these kind of like negative thoughts that have started to creep in and actually do you know what I think I will just like shut this whole idea down. I could have still done that okay but when I'm saying like I I can see the steps and I know exactly what it is that I'm doing and and what I want to do and and the bigger picture of it all then I could not go back on that to myself okay so then in that realizing that I don't want to this is this is a non-negotiable now like I've I've said this I've said it out loud I've given it a name I've designed a logo and I know you know in some sort of like loose formality I know what I want my episodes to contain so okay yeah so I could do a U-turn but I don't really want to do a U-turn okay so how do I then stay in this power? How do I then keep this energy alive that I'm not allowing the negative thoughts to get into me enough to for example to sit down today and to record this episode right so then I really had to think about it and you know and like I was saying I made peace with the idea of like not caring about what other people would say okay and then I delved into that a little bit further because it wasn't even just a fact of not caring. Because you know because you can be a little bit like oh I don't I don't care I don't care because what the fuck is she doing with her life or what's he doing with his life this was never a dream of his or hers or theirs like you know it's not about justifying why you don't care because in that moment as well in that justification of being like well you know Joe blogs mate anyways he's not shit he's he's not got this he's not got that I'm still like creating a story there's still like I'm building like a narrative around that and I'm justifying why I shouldn't care if I just allow myself to move into this energy of like I don't give a fuck I'm detached so if I really detach myself from that energy where it's justifying why I don't care building that story making it making it something more than it needs to be and I just become detached from it and I just allow myself to just stay in that space where it's like it's okay actually it's okay if like what I was saying punk face still thinks that I don't amount to shit and I'm never gonna amount to shit like that's okay I don't need to listen to that I don't need to hear it I don't need to like play it on loop in my head I don't need to allow myself to care about that opinion that's it that is literally it like there's no there's nothing else to it it's just that you can have your opinion that's fine that's not mine okay and I'm not gonna take this on I'm not taking on this energy I'm not I'm not buying into this I'm just literally saying like it's okay I'm staying neutral in that because this is just something that I know that I'm going to do for whatever reason and and and that's the thing as well like it doesn't need to make sense to anybody it doesn't need to be something but it's something you know to me because obviously this is something that I have put together. My belief in having goals set is fundamental to obviously help us tap into what could be a higher bigger purpose for our lives okay and if we don't have a bigger goal to work towards that's fine. Your big goal like I was saying could be achieving the body of your dreams right and therefore then how is that going to look like when you are therefore trying to get to that okay so that will be you start implementing your weekly workouts how however many of them that you can stick to in a week you would obviously then want to have a look at your nutrition as well because we know that what you put into your body really genuinely does actually count okay and you know you can't really out exercise a bad diet okay because you need the nutrients you just do then you would look at your rest okay because rest is such a huge fundamental part as well of actually building the body of your dreams like it just is because we know that when we rest that is when our bodies truly have time to repair so even if it's that you're looking to build muscle for example those muscles still need that time um to be able to repair themselves okay and put in that that growth again if that's what you're looking to do. And just even you know mentally as well that's the best time when your bodies um are repairing themselves um at night. Okay. So those are the things that you would look towards doing and each of those would then be broken down into you know sizable chunks like throughout the week, the months um and then before you know it you've got to a year and you've probably absolutely transformed your body even if you've fallen off track task you know a few times along the way if you made it into a situation where you again it's non-negotiable that it doesn't actually matter what life is throwing at you that you're actually just getting this done the thing as well what I find about goals is being able to still have that with yourself where you are allowing yourself to really have fun. So I sometimes feel like when people speak about goals goals versus dreams dreams are all like ah you know light fluffy this is what I would love this to happen. And it's almost as if like with dreams it's that kind of like notion of oh that's a dream and almost as if it's not going to come true. Whereas then when you use like the terminology like goals that kind of feels like it's a little bit more attainable but in doing so I do sometimes feel like we get so serious about the goal like deadly serious and yes you should be serious about the goal 100% like there's no question about it. You need to be concrete on the goal but have fun along the way and again if we just use like the whole fitness um you know goal yeah of course like you know have fun in terms of you know just allowing yourself to really enjoy that experience so you know okay fine you may want to go out with your friends and you may know that you're going to end up having a few drinks and things like that and that's fine as long as you know that like actually your long-term goal isn't going to allow for too much of that too much of that kind of like that excess you know like the things in moderation or just like having fun with the fact of you know I I may not be in the mood to go to the gym today and I may actually really not be looking forward to completing this workout. But if I just like remind myself that actually there is a bigger mission that there is something else at stake that actually me in one year's time wants to be so insanely proud of themselves for sticking to these routines that then if you like if you turn around and you say to yourself yeah okay fine like I get it like you're not in the mood today you know you're not in the mood today that's fine but we're just gonna go do it anyways because like remember there is like that bigger that bigger goal that bigger vision that bigger you know that mission and just you know not make not like being so serious about every single thing. So yeah fine like you may go on those days and you may think to yourself you know what that probably wasn't the best workout that I had um You still done it, yeah. You still, you know, you still done it, and and it was fine. That was still one more workout in the bag that you wouldn't have had if you didn't go. If you if you listened to yourself and you went, actually, no, I don't want to go and do it. Sometimes I actually find that I have better workouts when I'm not really in the mood, because I think there's just something in my head where I'm just like, yeah, I'm really, I'm really not feeling this. So, like, actually, I'm gonna go this, this, this, this, and this, then I'm gonna do my cardio and then I'm out. And because I've kind of like said to myself, like in my head, like, yeah, do you know what? I'm just I'm not even like faffing around with weights or doing this or doing that or worrying about like what's on my playlist or like whatever, like because I'm like not in a like not in a good mood or maybe not in a good headspace, I just kind of like want to get into the gym and out. And sometimes I find those workouts are better because sometimes I may maybe if I'm in a bit more of a relaxed mood, I kind of like take my time a little bit more, and then I'm thinking, yeah, you know, like oh, it's all right, and you know, not really focusing and stuff, but you know, sometimes that kind of like kind of like anger sometimes kind of actually like fire you up a little bit and like you know, really like get you in the zane because you're like, Oh, I'm just not in the mood, but I'm gonna do it anyways. Hopefully, hopefully you don't, you know, give it into yourself like too quickly. But you know, just in the respect of like having fun with yourself to be to be like don't beat yourself up about it is what I mean. Just don't beat yourself up about the fact that you may have only got you know the three workouts in a week when you'd actually set yourself the goal of like the five workouts, for example. Um, you know, and just to kind of always have that understanding towards yourself in that in the mission of like what the bigger, what the bigger picture is as well. So I would say as well, in goal setting, just just fucking go for it. Just do it. I can't, you know, whether it works for you that you want to uh create a vision board and make everything look so pretty and aesthetic, and that's what's gonna motivate you. You know, you wake up every day and it's on the inside of like your wardrobes when you're getting yourself dressed in the morning, that's the first thing that you see, and that's what keeps you focused. Great. Some people prefer to have like to-do lists that they can like literally tick off. Um, you know, other people like to do what other people like to do. I mean, for me, I'm not really I don't think vision boards work well for goal setting. I think genuine like goal setting. Yeah, I do know what I I do love doing I I love the concept of vision boards, don't get me wrong. I really do. But for me, it's like a collection of like pretty pictures and quotes, for example. So in terms of okay, if we take this podcast, for example, right? So if I done if I made a vision board for that, yeah, I mean I could put like the podcast logo on there, and I could put something out there, you know, having you know, like it on Spotify or something, for example. And but that in itself isn't actually what's going to get me there. Okay, so it so I guess for visual learners, and I am actually a visual learner, which is probably why I like the idea of the vision boards, but in the essence of are they actually getting me to where I want to be? Like, no, really, they're not. Uh for me, it's more of an aesthetic, it's more of a just yeah, just tapping into that vision, just like refocusing um just like on that. But in terms of actual like goals, for me, I need to have an action plan. I need to be able like to have those to-do lists, and I almost I need to have a date that I know that I'm working towards. This is probably why I enjoy studying so much as well, because of like the idea of deadlines, or maybe it's that I've just conditioned myself to believe that I like the idea of deadlines, anyways. Who knows? So I like to feel like I'm working towards a set date, and in that as well, is that having that discipline of having that date that you know that you're working towards and then actually keeping yourself on track for that. So obviously, you know, when I was at uni, it would be like making sure I've got you know certain books read, um, sources researched, potentially, you know, how many words I've got like typed up or written down um by a set date and then another date and then another date because then you've got that final date. Um, four things. So for me personally, when it comes to goals, that is how I like to work. And I like to, yeah, have that bigger, that bigger vision. And it is something that I have learned over time to really fully appreciate that to get from A to Z, you've got all these other steps in between. So Z being obviously that bigger vision, and then you know, A is just that initial thought and that excitement, that lightning bolt when I was sitting in the car just going, This is it, like fuck it. I'm gonna record this podcast, you know, and that and that's just gonna be like, and that's it. That's just the end of it. So that was A. And then getting and then getting to Z. There is so much more in between then that needs to be done. And the thing is as well, is that like once it's done, it's fine. And then you know what? Then you learn something. Even if, you know, it's it's like I was saying earlier, like it doesn't need to make sense to anybody else, and it doesn't need to be justified, and you know, like it just doesn't. It just just doesn't not at all. You know, we come into the world alone, and and then we go out of the world alone as well. Like it is literally one our one solo journey for each of us, each individual being, and and that's it. Like it just doesn't need to, it just does not need to make sense. It just doesn't. But you know, I would say challenge yourself. If you're somebody and you're listening to this and you're just like, I just don't relate because I just I'm just not interested in goals, like really try and sit down and think deeply about that. Like, do you actually not have any goals, or is it that you just think that you don't have goals? Because actually, your goal may be that you want to book a holiday away with the girls, and you know, you want to go to like whatever destination and you want to stay in like a certain hotel, for example, and you want to have X amount of money. Like, that's a goal. That's still a goal. It's a different type of goal, but it's still one. Um, or if you're somebody that is into goals as well, just you know that like what how do you keep yourself motivated? Is it are you a vision board girly? Are you somebody who likes to be a bit more methodical and have like the to-do list? Are you a mixture of both as well? Because I would 100% say that I am. It's just I have this thing within me where it's just if I don't have a goal, I almost don't feel like I'm me. Which again, I suppose in the long term as well, sometimes isn't really. I mean, I just don't know how it would pan out if I ever get to a point where I'm never going to want to be working towards something. I just don't know how that would feel. I mean, I may feel divinely happy, and I'll be like, this is it, after all these years, I've stopped attaching goals and dreams and and things to my life, and or hopefully I will have achieved a lot of them. There are so many things, so many things that I want to um get done and complete at this present moment in time. There's a lot of them that I don't actually know at this present moment in time how exactly I'm going to make that happen, but I just know that they are there and they are very real, and um yeah, and that's how I've felt about a lot of things as well, actually, that have happened that I haven't necessarily known how it's gonna come together, and then they do kind of come together, so yeah. So I hope that you have genuinely enjoyed listening to the first episode, potentially the first ramble. You will get used to me, I promise. I hope that if you liked any of it, if any of it resonated at all in the slightest, that you will come back again for more. Um, I will be dropping the next episode next week. So I'm going to have a short series of these and I will release them each weekly. And um, yeah, I mean it's been great to have you listen and thank you. Please drop me a comment. Um, come and say hi to me over on Instagram, either on my own page or the podcast page. It would be genuinely lovely to connect with you there. Okay, until next time.