Ep.134 How Can I Build Faith at Home Without Overwhelm? with Abbey Wedgeworth

How do you raise children who love Jesus while juggling the demands of everyday motherhood? 

In this encouraging episode, Candace welcomes author Abbey Wedgeworth to share practical, biblical wisdom for Christian moms who want to parent with purpose.

Abbey introduces her simple Three to Five Method, a realistic approach to consistent Bible study for busy moms, showing how just a few minutes in God's Word can strengthen your faith and transform your parenting. She also shares practical ways to disciple your children through everyday conversations, use five intentional questions to develop wisdom and discernment, and guide siblings through conflict with empathy and grace.
You'll discover why heart-focused parenting matters more than behavior management, how to help your children build a Christ-centered identity, and practical tools for teaching healthy communication that will serve them for a lifetime. Abbey also offers encouragement for moms who feel overwhelmed, reminding us that the Holy Spirit equips us to stay present with our children and faithfully disciple them in the ordinary moments of life.
If you're looking for biblical parenting encouragement, practical discipleship strategies, and simple ways to grow in your own walk with God while raising your family, this episode will leave you inspired, equipped, and encouraged.

In this episode you'll learn:
A simple Bible study routine for busy moms
How to disciple your children in everyday moments
Practical ways to resolve sibling conflict with grace
Why parenting the heart matters more than changing behavior
How to raise wise, confident kids with a Christ-centered identity
Encouragement to rely on the Holy Spirit in your parenting journey

Chapters

00:00 Meet Abbey Wedgeworth
02:51 How Can Busy Moms Study the Bible?
05:34 Discipling Kids Every Day
07:44 5 Questions to Raise Wise Kids
10:08 Teaching Kids Healthy Communication
12:55 How Should Siblings Handle Conflict?
15:49 Raising Confident Problem Solvers
18:30 Parenting Their Heart, Not Behavior
21:15 Are You Present or Distracted?

Resources

Abbey Wedgeworth Website

Training Young Hearts Book Series

Interested in leading a MomQ group? Learn more

Am I Emotionally Healthy? Free assessment Click Here

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to the MomQ Podcast where faith meets motherhood. I'm your host, Candace Nasser. Can I ask you something? How often do you find yourself fixing your kids' behavior without stopping to ask what's actually going on in their heart? Well, you're not alone. Most of us were never shown a different way. We manage the meltdown, correct the back talk, referee the sibling fight, and we move on. But deep down we sense that something more is possible. That there's a way to parent that actually reaches the heart and not just the surface. And what if that way wasn't about having the perfect method, but about pointing your kids back to Jesus over and over again in the small, ordinary, chaotic moments of every single day? Well, that's exactly what my guest today lives out and writes about. Abby Wedgeworth is a homeschooling mom of three boys, a writer, a speaker, and the author of the Training Young Hearts Children's Book Series, books designed to point little ones to Jesus as not just their example, but their savior and the Holy Spirit as their helper. Now, if her name sounds familiar, that's because this conversation is actually a reboot from our archives. It is, hands down, our most downloaded episode to date. And I knew I had to bring it back for those of you who missed it the first time, and for those of you who could use the reminder. In this conversation, we're going to talk about practical ways to prepare your kids' hearts before the hard moments hit, how to shepherd them toward grace instead of moralism, and what it really looks like to train a child's heart without raising a Pharisee. This is one of those conversations I know you're going to want to save and come back to. So let's dive in. Well, welcome, Abby. We are so glad to have you with us today. Thank you for taking the time to join us and share your wisdom. It's such a gift to have you on the show. So before we jump in, could you just take a moment to tell us briefly about yourself and introduce yourself to our listeners?

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Sure. I'm Abby Wedgeworth. I am married to David, who is a realtor. Together we have three sons who one of my editors recently said I should stop calling Farrol because I write parenting stuff, but they are wild. They are boys. And I love spending my days with them. I spend a lot of time with them because we homeschool. And in addition to being a homeschooling mom, I love serving in my local church. And God has given me opportunities to write and do more public ministry through speaking. Um yeah, I'm just delighted to have a very busy and full life and have the luxury of having to choose what I can and can't do because our plates are so full. So I have a book. My first book is about pregnancy loss. It's a resource for women who have lost life in the womb. And then I'm just tickled to have gotten to do uh a kids' book series called Training Young Hearts, all about body parts. And I love it. How to use them for the glory of God, how Jesus used his. And it really the heart behind that series is just pointing kids to Jesus, not just as their example, but also their savior, and to point to the Holy Spirit as the source of help when we long to do and be better. So I love that series.

SPEAKER_03 3:12

Yeah. It's precious. I checked it out and I'm gonna be getting it from my grandbaby that's coming soon. So I'm so excited for you. Thank you. I'm so excited. It's a girl, so we're really thrilled. I also love, I went on your Instagram, which you have a big following. So congratulations on that.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Thanks. And it's really I just let I had a girl helping me with social media and I let her go. I said, I'm growing too quickly. But yeah, anyways.

SPEAKER_03 3:40

Well, she, yeah, you you hit on a lot of you hit some real nerves. And I love you, and what you did is so great as you give all these little tips, these one, two, three pointers and things that are just so great to save and have as resources when we're in the moment. And so we're gonna talk about a lot of that. I also want to mention that on your, I think it's on your website or where on your Instagram Link tree, I saw that you have all these resources that you've recommended, which I love because I'm such a reader and I read to my kids all the time. Matter of fact, I homeschooled them for a bit. And just having those resources that you recommend, because I'm when I recommend things, sometimes they're like 30 years old. So that's not, you know, some of them are still classic. Um the ones that you've recommended seem really great. So lots of resources, and we'll we'll post all of that in our show notes. But we so let's get started and talk. The first thing I saw that I loved, um, we've got moms listening today in all kinds of seasons: newborn chaos, teen drama, homeschooling, working full-time, and so many feel stretched, so thin. And you've created something called the three through five method of Bible study that really meets women right where they are. So, can you talk about that a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Yes. I love Bible study in half or forever and was so discouraged when I had a newborn that I just couldn't do it. I just, my brain was so tired and it felt now. I'm like looking back, like if you only had one baby, you had so much time. But it just felt like I had no time. And so in every postpartum season, this has been such a gift to me, but it's also been a gift in seasons of grief or busyness or even when I kind of fall off the wagon and need to hop back on. But the three to five method is basically just three to five minutes, three to five verses. And I encourage women to choose a book of the Bible, usually like an epistle, because it's um just so accessible. But when your mind is tired and you feel like you don't have a ton of time, you can read three to five verses. And I think usually what we do is we reach for cheap content when we feel like we don't have a lot to spend. But the three to five method is the beauty of it is you're going really slowly, three to five verses in the same book. So you're reading scripture in context just for three to five minutes, so you can stand up and move on and say, like, I did my Bible study. And you don't have to carry this weird guilt of I'm not reading my Bible, and you also don't have to go through your day without having been nourished by the word. So, and I have found, Candace, that in seasons where I'm doing this Bible study method that feels like less than, I actually end up accidentally memorizing a lot of scripture just because I'm meditating on it. You know, so three to five verses, you have the time to look up definitions, to ask questions. And then if you feel like you can do more, you can do more. If you want to leave your Bible open on your counter and come back to it, you can do it three to five times a day. You know, that's 15 minutes total of Bible study, but it adds up. So I love that method because I think we think that we have to spend 30 minutes in the word with a mole skin journal and a micron pen for it to count. And the reality is that we consume the word of God in the same way we consume food as moms. You know, sometimes you're just grabbing a protein bar and it's got to be quick, but it can be really nourishing too.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

That's right. It's just what you choose to focus on, right? And if it's we have a choice between scrolling or spending time for five minutes reading the word, we know which one is more valuable. Yeah. Just have to have that discipline to lay down the phone and pick up his word.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

And I love that you mentioned the phone because sometimes I would literally tell Siri, set a timer for five minutes and then put it face down. You know, because you think you don't have time. But then the timer goes off and you're like, oh my goodness, I just focused. And that actually trains our brains anyway to be able to do more. Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

And uh, you know what else you spoke about that I love is having your Bible out during the day. That's such a precious example to your children. And and they see you going to the word periodically and and they start asking questions, I'm sure. I mean, I know you're really big into discipling your kids, and I'm gonna ask you about that just next, actually. But just has that happened where they've seen you in the word and it's made a difference.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Oh, yeah. And there were seasons too, Candace, where my I had early risers and I always looked at these other moms, like, what are they doing that I'm not doing right? That my kids wake up at 5:30, you know, and then they'd get too hungry in their rooms if I waited too long and the whole morning would just be hard. So I basically just surrendered to my second getting up as early as he did. And I was like, we're just gonna start the day really early together. And he would go from the time he could crawl, Candace, like I would have my Bible open and he would go and get books and sit beside me with his open. And more is caught been taught, you know. But they do love God's word, and I know that they see the difference that it makes in my life, and we reference it all the time together. Um, yeah, and that's something too. Like, my my Bible has colored pencil marks in it, it has spilled coffee marks, and it is precious, but it's not, I mean, those things are precious to me that they're it's it's very obviously the Bible of a mom.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

You know, one day when you're my age, you should keep that and you're gonna look back and go, those times, right? Yeah, I guess I can still say that. But okay, well, thank you so much. Those are great tips. And so now uh the other thing, there were several things that really resonated with me. Another one was you had five questions to use to help cultivate wisdom and discernment and dependence in your kids. And you have some recommendations of when to use those. And that was that was the one thing that I thought, oh, I could have used that with my kids. That yeah, I tried to walk them through it, but I love how succinctly you put it. So tell us about those five questions and and the situations when you can use them.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

So one of the questions that I will ask them is just, what are we here for? And who might we see here? So this might be the grocery store. Like, okay, we're here to get groceries, and who are we gonna see? We're gonna see checkout people, we're gonna see other people getting their groceries, you know. And one of the things we really talk about is that all people are made in the image of God. And so we treat everyone with dignity, looking them in the eye. Um, and so this is one of the reasons I asked this is who are we gonna see? Just to prepare our hearts. So if we're, you know, going to gym child care, we might need specific people. They might be kids that my kids are struggling to get along with or who have habits that are frustrating to my children, you know. So we're just kind of setting our minds, or we're walking into a family event. Oh, we're gonna see this cousin, or we're gonna see this uncle. And then we ask the question, how can we glorify God here? Because everywhere we go, He He hasn't just saved us, He's saved us for good works. So he's prepared good works for us to walk into. And so we're asking that question, how can we glorify God? When our kids, from the time that they were two, when we brush their teeth, we sing the first three questions of the children's catechism, which is who made you, God? Um, what else did God make? All things, why did God make you in all things for his own glory? And so that is why we're here. So the question is, how can we glorify God? How can we fulfill his commands here to love our neighbor and to treat people as we want to be treated? And that really, like yesterday I took one of my kids on a fully date and we talked about before, okay, we're gonna see this person, and how can we glorify and honor God? Because, you know, this is a kid he's struggling with who snatches, who doesn't listen when he says, please stop. And so that's hard. Yeah, it's really hard. And so we talked about like, how can we love him? How can we set an example? How can you follow the conflict resolution rules that mommy's put forth? And he said, I will say it clearly and calmly. And if it doesn't work, I'll come get you. You know, so we're making a plan together.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

How we can honor God even in conflict. And so that leads to the third question, is like, what temptations might we face here? You know, like maybe in the grocery store, we might be tempted to love time more than people. Someone's going really slowly in front of us, or we might be tempted to grab the things in the checkout aisle while we're waiting to be rung out or whatever. But they know, like, these are the things that are weak points of weakness for me. And in light of understanding what temptations we might face, I ask, how can we support and encourage one another while we're here? What can I do to set you up for success? And what can you do since the reason we're here is to get groceries, or since the reason we're here is for mommy to get a workout in? What can we do to support each other? You know, and they know, like if they misbehave in childcare at the gym, I get called out of workout, you know? So they're like, okay, we can help you get your workout in by being helpers, or we can support and help our teachers, or we can support and help each other as conflicts arise with other kids or or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

Um yeah, and you know what's so good? I'm hearing the trust that you're building with your kids right there. That is so powerful that they when you say you're gonna do that and then you do, then they know, okay, then I can, I don't have to be as anxious or on edge in this situation.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

So that's really powerful. Oh, and I think that's a good point too, Candice, that like yesterday in that particular play date when Henry did come to me and said, Okay, I used clunk kind words, here's what I did, and now I'm coming to ask for your help. I could celebrate that, not like, oh, you're interrupting my time with this mommy that I'm discipling because he plays with her son while I meet with her. Instead, I just said, I'm so proud of you. You did exactly what you're supposed to do. You tried yourself first, you came to get me, I'm happy to come and help you. But that's a good point that if we make ourselves available to them, we ask them to come to us, then we need to be available.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

Hey, I just want to pause for a second and invite you into something that has meant so much to me and to so many moms in the mom cube community. If this conversation is stirring something in you, if you're thinking, I want to actually live this out, not just listen to it, that's exactly what our momcue community groups are designed for. We have small groups meeting all over the country, walking through our curriculum together. Real moms asking real questions and growing in their faith side by side. It's the kind of community where you don't have to have it all together. You just have to show up. And if you want to find a group near you, or if you feel called to start one, you can learn more at momcue.org. We'll link it in the show notes too. Okay, back to Abby.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

And that's the last thing too, is in building trust. Like we do that with the word too. The final thing we do is just say a quick prayer. God, will you please help us to have self-control as we're in the checkout line? Or God, will you please help me to be a good friend to this buddy who doesn't listen and to be a good example of listening and show him the love of Jesus even when he's mistreating me to treat him the way I want to be treated. And this can be really brief. I mean two or three seconds. And sometimes I'll have them pray for me, like priest, please pray for mommy that I'll have patience with you in the grocery store and and be more concerned with you than I am with what people around me think because of what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

That's so good.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yeah, and they'll ask that. So, and this isn't like every drop-off, but if I feel anxiety about their behavior or how something's gonna go, I mean, taking three boys into a grocery store is like a thing, you know, and sometimes it goes great, and sometimes it's really hard. So I think this just help helps to set all of our hearts right, and then that last piece of asking for God's help is really so key, isn't it? To remember that we're not alone, that we have a resource, that the the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead is living inside of us and ready to help us in those moments. And then we get to give him glory. Like when we left that lady yesterday, I could say, let's thank and praise God for his help. I saw him at work in you. You are self-controlled, you know, like and and it calls them up to to be who he created them to.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

It's fantastic. I can see like driving to these places and doing this in the car when you're on your way, and and it helps in those transition moments. Maybe you're going from one place to the next, they're overstimulated or whatever. So yeah, there's so much value in just talking through all of this.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

And even just asking one of the questions. I mean, it doesn't have to be all five, or even pausing to pray and you praying through like who we're gonna see, what we're gonna be attempted, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

I think any of this intentionality is helpful.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

So good. Wow. Okay. So the next thing I want to talk about is one of your your amazing children's books. You alluded to the series training, what is it? Training hearts. Yes, training young hearts. And the one that I want to focus on is your magnificent mouth. I need this book. Yeah, we don't we all uh I know it's based on Ephesians 4 29, which was it I love seeing that because that was one of the verses that I had my kids memorize when they were young because it is amazing. And I have two boys and one girl, so I can relate the things that come out of boys' mouths, a little different from girls. They have they have their own issues, but yeah, boys sometimes are particularly bristling. I don't know, we could say that. But from that book, um, let's tell us a little bit about how we can lead our kids to honor God with what they say and what they don't say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Well, I one of the things I love about the series is it always opens with celebration. We celebrate uh what our mouths can do. They can do amazing things, you know, and can be so fun, like saying nonsense words or, you know, um communicating or singing, or there's just so many fun, playful things we can do on our mouths, even blowing bubbles or, you know, chewing silly. You know, there's I we start with celebration of what mouths can do, but then there are right and wrong ways to use our mouths. And so the book outlines some of those things. And this is one of the older kid books. So the series has some board books for younger kids and then these storybooks for older kids who are beyond the temptation of biting, but are now all struggling with saying the worst thing they could think of, which recently one of my kids was so angry with me and he said, Fine, you babysitter. And I it's just made me laugh because I was like, Is that the worst thing you can think of to call me a babysitter? Um, they can say some really hurtful things sometimes, and they know what it is to feel shame over that. So one of my favorite pages in the book says, Um, and so when you say something, uh, I'm trying to remember how exactly it goes, but it's like when you feel icky inside, when you say the worst thing you can think of, basically, and you feel icky, here's good news for you. Um that Jesus used his mouth perfectly for you, and that he said yes to God's plan so that when you say something that isn't true or isn't kind, you can ask for forgiveness with your mouth. And if you're in Jesus, God always forgives you. And then you can use your mouth to ask for help to obey. And the Holy Spirit helps you. And there's really cool imagery in the book of negative coming out of the mouth and positive coming out of the mouth. It just really points to Jesus breathing his spirit onto his friends with his mouth. And he does the same thing for us when we become believers. You know, he gives us his spirit, and so it's really just encouraging kids to lead or to speak from a spirit-led place instead of a reactive place.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Yeah, and it's so training them up from the beginning to be mindful, really, that something that we all need to be mindful of the words we say and how we say them and all of those things. So really powerful. And and then you have this thing called the filter song, which uh I thought was just so cute to help kids discern if something is wise to say. You wanna can you share a line or two?

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Yeah, I'll do a little divby. It's can you do a little divby for us? It's based on Amy Carmichael's uh phrasing about uh discerning if we should say something or not. But the it's to the tune of do your ears hang low.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

So it's is it kind? Is it helpful? Does it need to be said? Is it true? These questions make a filter in my head so that I can love my neighbor, so that I can honor God. I think before I speak.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Yeah, and you know, I love that so much because that though your kids are gonna remember that song their entire lives.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Well, they pridefully sing it to each other sometimes. Yeah, you know, like to help, but then sometimes I'll just say to them, like, ooh, is it helpful? Or like, does that need to be said? And they're really good to think through it. And they'll say it to me too, you know.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

Oh, yeah, they love to hold us accountable the older they get for sure.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

I need it, man. And they are faithful to do if I ask for accountability for my kids, they will they will give it to me.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

That's so good. And that's that's exactly what we want because we want to have that that mutual respect, right? So you said something that that leads great into my next talking point. You talk about pridefully how your kids will sometimes say things to their siblings. And you put you have a post that I love that said ways not to raise Pharisees or something like that. Yeah. So that really resonated with me because I think that is an issue in um in the Christian community where we all struggle, we first of all, Christian or not, we all struggle with pride, right? But I think when when we look at other people and compare ourselves in in a way of, oh, well, I'm better than them or whatever, um, if our kids see us do that, if we're allowing them to do that, that is that is definitely raising a hypocrite in in a lot of ways, right? And so um you and you mentioned something that is near and dear to my heart, and that is shepherding our kids' hearts. And as parents, it's so easy for us to focus on behavior and outward obedience. But our ultimate goal is to shepherd their hearts and lead them to a saving faith and then help them grow in spiritual maturity. So, do you remember? Do you have some of those tips that you can share with us?

SPEAKER_01 21:58

I think one of them means ones and this is why the books are not just about what to do and what not to do, you know, which is moralism. Right. Um, and not just Jesus as an example, which is also moralism, but it's Jesus as savior and spirit as helper. So we live lives in humble reliance on him, and the grace that saves us is the grace by which we obey, you know. So two things really stand out to me. One is when my kids do well and bring that to me, like, mommy, did you see how I did this, even though that kid was doing this? Like we can affirm praiseworthy behavior, you know. But then I will say to my kids in times like that, but do I love you because you obey? Or do I love you because you told the truth? No. Why do I love you? And they know to say, because I'm your son, or because I'm your child. And I've seen Justin early. He wrote about this in Have It's Of the Household, he's a buddy of ours. But um, even before Justin's book, and there's I think Coop Messes Up is another book where the mom says this to the boy at the end. So I've seen this lots of places, but we will say, who else loves you like that? Yes, God, and and even more than mommy. That's an important point of MS. He loves you not because of what you do or don't do, but because you're his child. And that just protects our hearts from trying to earn favor or earn love by the good things we do. And then the other thing, conversely, is when my kids mess up when they blow it, if they tell a lie or take something or strike a brother or say something really unkind, I might say, Is there any lie you could ever tell that would change my favor for you or change the way I love you? And they will say, No, why do I love you? Because I'm your son. Who else loves you like that? God, even more than mommy. And so this just reinforces over and over it's not about what you do or don't do. Grace is unmerited favor. It has nothing to do with merit. Yeah. Or you were bad, you know, at this time, to use character words instead. I think is another really helpful way to avoid moralism, particularly the fruit of the spirit, because you're attributing anything good to Christ. Right. You know, like you are such a kind brother. I see God at work in you, you know, like you are so patient. God is helping you to be patient. And that builds a sense of self and self-esteem. It's not that they don't get credit for anything they do, it's that they learn to really root good things in their identity in Christ.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

Yeah, I mean, that that is absolutely when we can use those types of affirmations instead of the good and um you've been good or whatever. I I can see it getting in their their juices, their their brain just going in that direction and and hopefully coming back to that when they stray. You mentioned just uh Justin or Jason, early. Justin, Justin early. Justin early. I love his bedtime routine. That is the most incredible thing. I don't know if you could you share that or I can try to remember it.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

He'll just do his kids' body parts and um he prays specifics over them, you know, like he'll tickle their belly and say, make them people of joy, or um touch their head and and pray for God to help with their thoughts, or you know, touch their mouth and say, help them be people who tell the truth or speak wise words or whatever. You can use this however, however you want, you know, like holding their hands and say, help their hands be handset serve, or tickle their feet and say, help their feet be go where you want them to go and share the good news. So I think it's a really versatile thing, but that tactile sensory stuff, especially for boys, is so wonderful.

unknown 25:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

And then I love how he asks the question, or I guess he says it or leads them into this. There's nothing they can ever do or say that will make him love them less.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Yeah. And I think that is also a really powerful thing to say to children to help with that whole discipleship in their heart. So because then they know they can be honest and they can just continue to build that closeness where they want to tell us things. And that when you get teenagers, that becomes super important for sure.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

Um, okay. Well, let's there's a couple other things particularly I want to talk. You mentioned sibling conflict. Yeah. And so let's just talk briefly, if you can share some of the steps that you help your kids navigate through that.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

So we have four steps. And I find it's really helpful when you have boys to if there's more than one step to use fingers when you talk about them. Um but the first one is hands up, hands off, which is if you're doing a tug of war, you let go. And by doing that, we say people are more important than things. And I tell my boys a lot, there are two things that last forever: the souls of men and the word of God. And so if it is between a thing and a person, we pick the person every time because they have a soul. Um people are more important than things, we let go. And that just stops escalating too. You know, you take a step back. Sure. And then the second thing, so hands up, hands off. And the second thing is use calm, kind, clear words. So calm, kind, clear words sound like, I don't like when you touch me that way, please stop. Or I don't like how you're saying that to me, please change how you're talking to me. Or I was playing with that first and I would like it back. And then you try to find a solution. Why don't I play for a little bit and you can have it when I'm done? You know, so helping them work out their own conflict. Conflict, yeah, like to think of a solution to be solutions-oriented, or I'll give this to you, but I would like to play with that. And if they can't find that, if it doesn't work, come get an adult. So nine times out of ten, Candace, my kids come to me. If it starts with he did such and such, or Walter took my or Will said that, I will say, stop right there. I care. And if you're looking for comfort, I will comfort you. But if you're looking to get me involved, have you talked to your brother first? Or I'll say, like, who is the person you need to talk to? And I will not intervene until they have gone back and used calm, kind, clear words and tried. And I say, like, if it doesn't work, come back and get me, but you will try first. I mean, we are so quick to be referees that we forget our role as mediators and equippers. Our ultimate goal as parents is to work ourselves out of a job.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

But they don't need us. And so we cultivate wisdom, we cultivate experience. And if we run in every time, the message we're sending them is you can't do this by yourself.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

But we equip we they learn by doing. And so we equip them. When even when we go into the situation, we don't come in as arbiters of justice. We come in as facilitators. Like, okay, let's walk back through what did you say and where did this go wrong? Can you hear him? Look at his face, you know, instead of okay, who had it first? Like, I don't ask questions unless they are, what did you say? And did you listen? And that's the role here is mediation and equipment, not justice.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

And you're empowering them with confidence, confidence that in themselves, confidence in the Lord that they can work things out.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

And such a skill for life.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Yeah. And empathy is a superpower. And I think that's one of the key pieces too, is really getting them to look at each other and to see each other. Like, what is he feeling? How can you tell? Like his eyebrows are down, his mouth is tight, like he's angry. And let's look, oh, he has tears in his eyes. He's hurting. You know, really, really see and sit with that.

SPEAKER_03 29:54

Because I think in conflict, we just stop paying attention to the other person's feeling and building that attunement will be a gift to their marriages and to their bet there are some moms out there with girls thinking, ooh, I want to find her boys one day because you are raising godly men. And I'm I hope so.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Only the Holy Spirit can do that. You know, like we just do our very best and pray that you will give the grow.

SPEAKER_03 30:21

Well, it sounds like he's given you incredible wisdom. So the last thing I want to talk about is how to handle it when we as moms are overwhelmed or just want to escape and hide in the pantry, maybe with the snack and just scroll. Uh, you have a beautiful perspective about engaging our kids instead of escaping. And so, what has helped you shift your mindset and stay present even when it's hard? I think um, oh, I'm gonna get teary.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

I think knowing that God is present with me is really it. We, my friend Kristen and I talk about staying power. The Holy Spirit gives us staying power because he doesn't leave us. And we're never really alone. I think there are times to step away. Like I will say to my boys, I'm gonna go talk to Jesus so I don't talk to you in a way I regret or have to apologize for. And I think there are times to step away, but I think there are a million moments before that point where if we press in a little harder, we don't get there. I really believe that, Candace. And I talked to a mom that I'm mentoring yesterday about this and just suggested to her like sometimes when one of my kids is spiraling out of control or I can't find him, if I get out a book, a picture book, and sit on the couch and start reading loudly, he'll come sit next to me and we're right, we're just back on track. Cool. Um, because I think sometimes the moments we need we feel most like I just want to get my car and drive away are the moments we most need to get out, count your chickens or Candyland or whatever and engage them. I talk about like channeling your inner camp counselor, you know, like I couldn't just leave my eight, nine-year-olds when I was camp counseling. What would I do? I would start a chant or a game, or, you know, and and just set aside what I was doing to really draw them back in and to build that relational bond to give those relational deposits. I think again, there are absolutely times we need to step away to regulate. And it takes wisdom to know when that is. But I think we can avoid getting to that point by engaging, by making eye contact, by getting on the floor. And if you can do that for five or 10 minutes, a lot of times it will reset before it ever gets to that point where people are yelling or you just want to pull your hair out or get on the highway.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

So good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

But you don't remember in the moment. I will say, like in the moment, it's really hard to remember. So I have a list that I keep out of like my friend Trish says anger's the tool we reach for. We don't have the tool you need. And so I have a list of tools. Like, what can I do? What can I reach for? Which to engage with them. Uh, but picture books are my favorite way because it gives that contact.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

So good. So good. Well, I can't thank you enough. This has just been fantastic. Your wisdom, your practical tools. So I just appreciate it so much. And we will, like I said, put a link to all of your resources in our show notes. Just again, appreciate your heart, your wisdom. Wish you all the best.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

I appreciate what you're doing, Candace. Young Mom's need, encouragement. A lot of encouragement. It's a really hard job. So I'm grateful for the ways that you're investing in the lives of younger women.

SPEAKER_03 33:35

Thank you so much. If this episode felt a little familiar, that's because it's one we brought back from the archives. It's our most downloaded episode ever, and I wanted to put it back in front of you, whether you're hearing it for the first time or the second. The goal of parenting isn't perfect behavior. It's pointing our kids to a perfect savior. And that happens in the small moments in the car ride at the grocery store, in the middle of the sibling argument when we stop and ask the deeper questions. If Abby's framework for preparing your kids' hearts resonated with you, I'd really encourage you to check out her Training Young Hearts book series, especially Your Magnificent Mouth, which is based on Ephesians 4.29 and is the kind of resource you'll want to read alongside your kids again and again. We'll link everything in the show notes. And if today's conversation sparks something in you, if you're thinking, I want this for my family and I want to do it with other moms around me, that's what we've built MomQ for. Our community groups give moms a place to grow in faith, dig into the word, and actually live out what we talk about here. You can learn more at momcue.org. If this episode was an encouragement to you, would you share it with a friend or take a moment to leave us a review? It helps more moms find their way here, and that matters more than you know. You're not behind, you're right where God has you, and He's working in your motherhood.