Bull Interview

Getting to know Bull and his background. Please excuse the Alexa at the end, without an actual recording studio we do the best we can and mistakes happen, she will be unplugged next episode to prevent it muwah ha ha ha lol. If you want to help we would appreciate any help that would go towards a recording studio, especially once we are doing video as well.

If you would like to talk to us, good we would appreciate hearing from listeners as we grow and change. Contact us at bullandjroc@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to what it's like episode 10 with Bull and J. Rock. Today we're going to have something different and interesting to talk about. The co-host of this show. No other than Bull. We're going to talk about and ask some questions about his life and what he's been through. That's going to be great. But for our viewers, or I don't know if your viewers are listeners, but some one day we'll be viewers, right? True. Very true. One day. Um go ahead and put the follow and like and comment and let us know what we can do even better to make things better. To have your ears listen up more and to enjoy what we have to bring with this veteran experience. So we're going to get right into the interview questions we have with my co-host here. That's it, man. Bull, right? You know what I mean? Ferdinand, anyone seen that? Oh man. It's a great cartoon, man. Unbelievable, bro. Amen. So first question I have for you. Yes. What where where do you think you'd be when things started going downhill in your life? What's your decision in your life?

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Well, everything for me really went to crap um as bad as it sounds, right after I got done with training, and it's because that's when my first seizure happened.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Training wait way back up though, dude. Training what?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Back at when I went through uh OSUT, one station unit training.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

It's called one station unit training, army stuff, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Yep. And 19 kilo. I was tanker. 19 kilo tanker. And I did that. And when it comes down to it, um, I mean, I did well on a lot of stuff. You know, I lost a lot of weight, so it was really good for me. And I came home and um had seizures, just started having them. Why? What do you think? Well, what it's attributed to is a time when I we were on a uh road march, one I think it was one of our last ones, and I fell down the side of the road into the culvert, and I twisted my ankle, and they think I fell down, twisted my ankle, and then like kind of kept going, and then my head hit the ground. Wow. Thing is, nobody saw it, nobody knows, they just knew that I fell. So by the time they helped me up and everything like that, and this was at the very end for our uh final it like road march or whatever. Okay, so they couldn't stop anything, so they were like, you know what, we're in the middle of this, so no, put them in the back of the truck. So they put me in the back of the truck, and then by the time I got to uh by the time we got back, because we were just heading back to the barracks to eat and everything, and by the time I got back, um my ankle was so swollen they had to cut the laces off my boots because you couldn't untie it. Wow. Yeah, and the thing that really freaking sucks is when that happened, okay, they turned around and told me, and and I mean their reason in the beginning is fine. They turned around and told me, they were like, All right, well, since you didn't march the whole thing, you're gonna stand outside, stand guard, and everybody else is gonna go before you.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

How is that fine?

SPEAKER_00 4:26

I was like, okay, that's that's fine. And so I stood there.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

After boot camp, though.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

It's at the end of boot camp. It was our it was like our final exam, in a sense. So you pretty much graduated, you're a soldier, man.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Like you finished.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

So I was like, all right, that's fine. I'll I'll do that. So I stood there and I waited. And the final person, and then after the final person, I asked, you know, oh, can I go? And they were like, actually, no, they just picked up it, they just packed everything up, they're done, they're left. I was like, okay. And one of the drill sergeants turned around and gave me an MRE. Everyone else got hot eggs and toast and coffee. Yeah, I got an MRE.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

So if anyone doesn't know what MREs are, their meals ready to eat. That's what we have when we're in the field when we're going from place to place. Something that compensates for the real true meals, the bread of life that we like. Back in the rear where it's hot. Nice normal meals. This compensates for it, but high in calories. Yes. And uh not always good tasting. No, sometimes it tastes like freaking cardboard. But it is what it is. So you eat it and uh endure.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Does give you a lot of stuff in it, though. Well, what you need. Well, that's what I mean. Like, there's a lot in that little package, so to speak.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

So let me let me ask you this, man. So were you proud of the decisions that you made? Give me an example of uh if you're proud of the decisions that you made by joining the army, and are you ashamed of anything that happened while you're in the army?

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Well, um, like I was saying from the last one, um, my seizures started, everything started going downhill right afterward, after I graduated. So, decisions-wise, that I made, I mean, I was 18 at the time. It I mean, I hadn't didn't have that much for decisions yet for you know my life and everything. I graduated high school and things like that. You know, I got in trouble in school and and turned my life around and ended up joining the army when I was 17. I had to have my mom's permission. Uh yeah, a lot of people were interested by that one. But um that's cool though. I mean, so I mean, I considered joining the service and everything major because of how I felt my attachment to things. But since then, I mean, the fact that I I'm still alive, the fact that I can still walk, talk, and have the abilities I do, I mean, those I guess would say, I would say are the achievements after you know everything from coma to all the other seizures and everything. Oh dude. So you're not ashamed of that at all, are you? Of what I've done? Yeah. Um, not really. I mean, good or bad, everything that's happened, that's who I am. That's why I am the person I am. That's why I think the way I do. So I wouldn't really say I'm ashamed of necessarily anything. I mean, just like anyone else, I've had I've had times when I've made bad choices, you know. But um, because I'm not ashamed of who I am as a person.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

It shouldn't be, man. It shouldn't be. What are what are some of the most important things to you? What do you hold dear to you, man, at what you find are important? Things that define you too, man, because I know when you're things are important, it's just how you live things out to be, you know.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

So Well, the things that define me, I mean, I don't know, I I really don't have much contact with other people other than this and doing rec therapy. So um I really don't know. Usually people when they talk to me about things, they usually say they usually define me by um video games, movies. Star Wars is usually kind of the extent of that. Um, what do I really care about? I mean, I spend all my time at home, so I mean, I care about my house, you know. Um, and not just because it was my mom's, but and now mine, but um, it's a nice house. Thank you. But I mean it's where I spend all day every day. So of course I have to, you know, like it or you know, see value in it because otherwise it'll you know fall into disarray, you know, and then the other thing that keeps me, you know, on a regular schedule every day is my pets, you know, my uh bird Donald and my dog Archie. And part of that is almost like having kids because you know, I mean, they can't do stuff on their own. So if I don't get up and start doing stuff and they're getting their food together and whatever, then they don't have it, and that's not right to do to them, just like for kids. Correct. Similar. Well, I mean, I don't have kids, so I wouldn't know fully well they're not animals. Well, I understand that, but you still have to take care of them because they can't do things themselves. I wasn't saying that they were animals.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

My two-year-old can do a lot more than most people can do.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Hey, I mean, you know what? Your two-year-old has more talent than my dog, let's put it that way.

unknown 10:24

Yeah, no, I'm not comparing her to a dog.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

So that's move on. How do you see yourself currently?

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Currently, well, you know, I yeah, I'm a vet that lives at home, but I mean, I'm trying to figure out something to make some kind of difference because veterans we're just we're taken advantage of so much, and not just by other people and things like that, but um whether it's the red tape that's up or whatever, you know, we always get caught up in crap at the VA, and then some little you know mark or whatever, and they say, Oh no, now we can't do it for this reason, and you know, it's just jumping through a bunch of hoops.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

So Yeah, man, I I understand sometimes. But you know, like it's because of veterans like yourself and others, like you persevere and you don't give up. And that's the mentality you should have.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Well, I just think that there's a a lot of areas where are what we what they I'm not saying that the people don't try with what they have, they have people there that do work really hard. They also have some people that are complete jackasses. Okay, but when it comes down to it, things aren't balanced enough. And when it comes down to it, as being in the service, we would never get away with doing things half-assed and saying, Yeah, but at least it's done. So I don't always agree with the fact that the VA does things and goes, Well, you got the care, and it they it would had nothing to do with whether or not it was actually beneficial to the person or not. It was just the fact that they made the reference for the care and did that part. And I find that totally unacceptable. Because that, like I said, that would have we we would have never been able to use that excuse, not once. And they use it for everything. Yeah, I mean that's not the military either, though. Well, I mean, I understand that, but when you're gonna take care of somebody that you demanded that they do anything and everything that you asked whenever it came up, then it's not fair to try and, you know, skate around making sure that they get what they need. Because while we're in, if we need something, we just say it and they're like, all right, cool. And they send you there, they get it done. So it's not that they can't do it, because while you're in, they'll do it for you right there.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

You're not you're not a priority. It's it's just intentional neglect at times. And yeah, it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Well, I mean, it yes, it it's I I get what you're saying. I don't think it's okay. I just I think that that's not acceptable because there none of us would have been able to if we were to go back, we wouldn't be able to half-ass our job because we know we're gonna get half-assed care later. And if you half-ass your job, you'll get fired. But a lot of stuff for vets get half-assed. Nobody gets fired for that. But it's because they're following whatever was set up, but whatever was set up was not set up in terms of now, you know? Look at over time, over time, more and more people, when there's wars, more people come home, not less. More people used to die long before because you wouldn't have as many wounded. Now, I mean, your wounded is your biggest problem. And you go to the VA and look at all the different decades worth of people that they have, but then we're all on the s in like on the same line. Dude, if you take your kids to a doctor, you have to go see a pediatrician. Like you have to go, it has to be for what it is that they need and what they what their conditions are. You know what I mean? And they don't do that for us. That's why so many vets end up going outside the VA for care to get what they need. For me, I was just really fortunate because my mom worked really hard to get things to be a hundred percent, so they had no choice, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

So that's so that pretty much one of the achievements that you see for yourself that happened recently. It was that recently, right? That took place.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

No. That I was in okay. I was at Walter Reed, and they had given me so much medication that they basically overdosed me and I went blind for a few days. Wow. My mom told me not to tell them, so I didn't, and she flew from Phoenix to DC and showed up at the base, and then wanted to know about the care that had been done with me. So basically, she showed up and said, Okay, so how's my son doing? I want to know. And they couldn't tell her, they didn't have any anything, they couldn't even give her chart notes. Well, and so my mom was like, All right, well, this is unacceptable, and I don't know where she went from there, whether it was the base commander or whatever. But within a week, my CO, a captain, and the doctor that was in charge of my care, who was a full bird colonel, both got dishonorable discharges in a week.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

They didn't do the due diligence properly of what they should have done.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Well, that's why I'm saying so. They screw up one little thing like that with one person, they just screw that's one time, one person, they lose everything right there. Dishonorable discharge, everything stripped away after all that hard work. But now the VA can you know half-ass all sorts of stuff, and you still got to come back for more. That's just a different entity, I guess, man. That's why I said it sucks. That's what I wanted to change. That's why I want to bring more attention to what vets go through because nobody turns around and you know is like, oh yeah, we need more for our vets. Do this for our vets. Nobody does that. It's only the vets that do that. But if more people know about what's going on with us, then there's only two things. It's the people that don't care and the people that will then start going, no, we need more that more for our vets. You know? And that's very distinguishable just by the people that come up and say thank you for your service, and you can tell they're full of shit. Well, no, seriously, I hate I the people that say it just to be able to say it to make their like themselves feel like a better person, it's like, okay, cool. Great, have a better thing. Well, let's talk about that again.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

Let's talk about what you did in the military. So for our guests to know exactly what your MOS was and 19 kilo.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

And I was a tanker. I was K for kilo, kilo. Yeah. Tanker, huh? Yeah, start out as a driver, and then you move up. There's four man crew, driver, loader, gunner, and TC. So tank commander. And when it came down to it, I almost aced the driving part when I was in training. I made one mistake. And there was another person with me, and I think he made three. And so throughout the thing, me and him were competing. Like every day we were doing the simulations. It was like, all right, did you screw up today? What happened? What this? What that? And sometimes we would get ahead of each other and the exercises that we were doing, but um, we were just keeping tabs on it. And when it came down to it, um, when we got done, everyone was a driver. Well, when I got to Germany, they turned around and said, Well, do you want to be a driver or do you want to be a loader? I was like, I'll be a loader, why not? So yeah, that's I started doing that one, and that is an uh that's a everyone laughed because they said the fact that I'm really short makes me really good in a tank because it's easier to for me to fit. But man, those uh shells, like 60 pounds a pop. Oh no, you got three seconds or four, I don't totally remember, but you got like just a few seconds for for to open the door, pull a shell out, put it in the breach, or put it in the um yep, sorry, brain thing anyway. But you gotta pull it out, put it in, and then the door has to be able to close. And I'd say the hardest part is the door closing because you always forget to take your knee off the pad. So that sucks. Um I didn't really have that problem so much. I actually did it, it was easier, like people said, because I unlock the round and then it kind of slides out and falls to me, and then I push up, and when I push up with force, that's what loads it in. Whereas other people actually had to kind of pull it out and then turn it around, and you know, so it was different like that for me. But one time one of the things that sucked is um got my hand caught in the uh it got caught up in the door. Oh, dude, that hurt. My hand swelled up and everything. My hand was so fat, it was like um it was like full of air or something. Damn, dude. The thing that was surprising is I didn't break any bones or anything like that. Yeah, that was the thing that was weird. Dang.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

So but did you enjoy your time and service?

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Yeah, I thought my time and service was great. You know, I loved it. Um it's a different it's a different lifestyle. So if you know you the lifestyle isn't gonna work for you, then probably shouldn't do it because you're not gonna be very happy. Um if you'll be able to handle the lifestyle and you know, find enjoyment in it, then no, I would say definitely do it and do it for as long as you can because you know, you're happy. I mean, did it um I mean I wanted to be in till I was 40. Yeah, that ended almost immediately. How long did you serve? Two years. Okay. That's still long enough, though. Well, the like I said, the thing is, is I was having I had my first seizure ca well because when I okay, so when I got done with training, I got hometown recruiting. So I so I came home for a month instead of a week before I got shipped out. So I came home and And my recruiter at the time was like, Hey, I know you've been through. He was a brand new, I was his first recruit. He was so he was real fresh. And um, when it comes down to it, he was like, dude, I know you've been through a lot of stuff. He's like, go ahead and take a few days off. Just rest up, you know, when you're ready, come into the office and talk to me. And I was like, All right, no problem. And so What a nice recruiter. Right? Uh he was an awesome guy. And um when it comes down to it, um I did some some of the uh recruits with him. I went through things and everything like that. But the thing is, is before that, I had a seizure. I was sitting in the living room with my mom having coffee, and then boom, seizure fell over. Didn't even know what to happen or what happened, didn't know why or anything like that. That's crazy. And then after that, turned around and it's like, all right, well, might as well start, you know, just get back to what I was supposed to do, because what else am I gonna do? Wow, you know, so I went on and continued, and then when it came time to ship me out, it was the same thing. No doctor, you know, said anything definitively yet because they wanted me to see an epileptologist, and so then I got shipped out to Germany. So then I was in Germany and I was having seizures while I was there, and people thought it was just they were like, Why are you here? Because I'd have a seizure and get out of the hospital and it'd be noon. Well, one, two o'clock, or whatever. When I got back, I'd show up in uniform and be working. Yeah, and they're like, Why are you here? They're like, You don't take the rest of the day off. Be like, I understand you're dedicated. They're like saw what happened to you. They'd be like, You shouldn't be here. And I'm like, What else? I'm what what what else am I supposed to do? Go into barracks to get rest. So, but I always was, you know, and then they had me do flag detail, and that I did really well on that. Usually you're on it for a month, I was on it for six months because I got really good at helping people out, and that was a really fun job.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

That's cool. I like that. I did that before too. I think that's a great job, man. Um six months of it, even better. I mean, your time is your time.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Well, I mean, it you get a different respect for the flag when you do it. And after having done it for a long period of time, it really felt more, I guess, personal to me in a sense. You know, because I had done it for a long time. So it was like something that I cared for for a while, you know. But I mean, it it's again, that's one of those things that's not for everybody, you know. But I think everybody gets pulled for it at some point in time. I was just really good at it. They should they should like do that.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

That's that's like one of the downsides, right, to serving in the military. What it just that detail, everybody should be doing that type of detail. Um certain details that show the the sacrifice of those that have gone before them or things that need to be ran in the correct way. You know, people forget. Sometimes you have to get reminded where you come from.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Well, I mean I would say the downside of being in the military is whatever plan you do have for life or plans, they're gonna be on hold. And they're gonna be on hold for to an you know unknown amount of time because it depends on what your job is and how long you serve. You know, if you serve for decades, some of those plans are probably gonna be on hold for a while. You know, if you serve for five years, then those plans are gonna be on hold for like five years, you know, then you can start figuring stuff out, but like it's a totally different lifestyle. I mean, I wouldn't I wouldn't tell somebody that if they wanted to join up, that it's wrong for them to want to serve their country. I would never say that ever. I have, however, told people when they're gonna do it, all right, that's fine. I wouldn't do a long contract because you're not gonna you're not gonna like the um lifestyle, you know, whether it be not sleeping for long periods of time or the hours or the work you have to do or how you're treated or whatever, because it takes a while before you work your way up, you know, it's not an instant gratification thing. And so many people these days expect instant gratification, and those type of people, no, they should not be. Those are the those are the people that we never trusted as much because we didn't know if they would necessarily be there if the everything went to shit. Well, for real, because those are the people where it's like, okay, I I get you're here, but you don't really want to be here. So if something ever happened, could I trust you? No. You know, well, that's the hard part, you know. And then having being in combat arms, we're we all need to be able to trust each other no matter what, you know, because we know at one point it it something's gonna happen and you have to trust that person with your life, you know? No doubt. And it just sucks when you when there's certain people where you're like, I don't know about that person. They might be too lazy. And those are the type of people that, yeah, I've told them, you know, just don't do it for that long. And make sure you, you know, do something. And make sure you pay attention to what job you choose. Get a good job.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Fun job. I don't mind going going to and learning about it and having fun with.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Well, there's so many, there's so many different jobs. Like it's an unbelievable amount. And you'll never you'd never be able to like sit and go through everything for the details of gotta figure out what you like, you know. Yeah, you just take things that you like, and there'll be multiple jobs in that direction.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

And learn, learn, learn soldier skills, learn how to fight, survive, protect, learn how to thrive in chaos, learn things in that nature as well, but also learn how the support and logistics and how things work as well. Keep your mind open. That's what I think.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Well, I mean, like when I join when I went to join with my mom and everything, it was funny because it was like, Mom, yeah, I want to talk to you about something, something really big. And she was kind of like, okay. And then I put that on her and she just kind of was like, Well, I want to think about it for a while. And she was like, and I don't know, maybe a couple days or something, she came back and she was like, Okay, if that's really what you want to do, but I have a request. I was like, okay. She's like, no boots on the ground. I was like, okay. And derailed my first option, because my first option was a combat engineer, so I didn't get to go with that one. So that's a good I lost that one, so I was like, okay, gotta reassess on all this. And so I was like, well, what else do I like? What else could be fun and whatever? And I was like, you know what? Being in a tank might be fucking cool. I wouldn't even find a tank, bro. I would want to try that one. Be like, that'd be cool. I was like, because I've I've never met somebody that's done, I've met, you know, people that were, you know, uh a green beret, I've met people that were marine, I've met people that were in a you know, a sub, met people that were, you know, a pilot, all these things.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Like tanker would be exciting. It'd be like the unknown and what it's really like, and like the sound, and just like just like not knowing. I was like, I'll do a tanker, man. That's kind of cool.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Well, that's what that's for me. I was just like, that'd be awesome. And then I and after going through options and everything, I was like, all right. And I was like, but if I do the tank, I would well, she didn't say I couldn't be in combat, she said no boots on the ground. Well, my boots won't be on the ground. So I was like, all right, so I went to her with that one. So I went to her with that one, and she was like, Man, well, and she was like, All right, you did do what I asked, so okay, that's fine. And she agreed. Well, it was worth it, wasn't it? Well, it was just different because everyone else that joins does it on their own or whatever. I actually had to have multiple discussions with my mom to have her sign off on it because I was only 17.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Wow. That's kind of cool at 17, man. But you already had that thought in your mind of wanting to join and do something at that age.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

Not exactly. I got in trouble in high school doing some stuff with friends I shouldn't have. And um I got put for counseling and stuff, and my grandmother at the time worked for the church, so I got counseling through the minister at the church. And instead of it being like a sit-down in an office type counseling or whatever his counseling was, he was like, We're gonna watch some movies, but then we're gonna discuss the importance of those movies and what happened and why and everything like that. And I was like, Okay. And so, and I don't even remember all the movies we watched, but one of them we sat and watched was Patton. And if you've never seen Patton, you should see it. The movie is awesome, but when it comes down to it, I just really connected with a lot of the things that were going on in that in that movie. The George C. Scott one, yeah, the old one, and so it just a lot of things kind of like fell into place when it came to being able to do the whole tank thing, you know, because Patton, best tank commander, so okay. That's what's up, man. And being at Fort Knox was kind of cool, Kentucky, yeah. Yeah, it will Kentucky's freaking hot and humid. Damn. But um, other than that, other than the the humidity and everything that sucks, yeah, it wasn't too bad. Wow. It was weird to fall asleep at night and wake up and your clothes could be crunchy. Dang. Well, because you were sweating, so then you're all hot and then yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

And then do you guys sleep in sleeping bags? Because I know when we stop in sleeping bags, you make sure you put your pants down. So when you have your pants in your sleeping bag that are to my ankles, and so that it doesn't get that nasty, crunchy or wet feel, and then I that the heat will just generate itself, and then when it's time to go, then I stand up, put my pants on, ready to go. If I had to use a restroom, then I just unzip the zipper and then do what I have to do. I I did that when it was raining on us, man. We sleep in the we sleep in the bag and it's raining on us. There's no cover, we're in a position, perimeter. So I got rain coming on me, waking up at three o'clock in the morning. It's like, sir, it's time to go. All right, Roger, that helping me with my gear, getting up. I'm like, bro, this life sucks. Oh Lord help me, you know, and then tired. Um I was always the first person awake, first person that did everything. No, and I'm just like, man, thank God for the other soldiers I was around, man. Wherever you guys are at or listening, listen, man. Thank God for you all for your hard work. I know what it's like, and I appreciate you and put in the extra. I hope and pray that you get more than what's due to you in the right way. And, you know, God's blessing to be upon you and your family. That's real. You all put in work, man. Um, sacrifice. Either being in a tank, being on the ground, helicopter, you know, um, just being away from your family and those you love, man. That's a major sacrifice.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

So there was um thank you. Um I'm not gonna worry about her name right now, but um, there was a young girl that I worked with when I was at Walter Reed because I was stationed there for a while too. And um she had she was downrange, and I don't remember exactly where, but while she was there, she started having pains or something in her face, and they didn't know what it was, so then they sent her to get X-rayed and they found out that she had all these tumors and everything like that. Wow, so no no no, so they removed like her whole, her entire lower jaw and one side of her upper jaw, her cheekbone and eye socket on that side were all replaced with like titanium, like whatever, because the tumors had eaten it all up. What? Yeah, it was so crazy. And for her, she worked in supply. She like she didn't get shot up or anything like that, but look at what happened to her, and it was just it was just a really bad situation. But she still came into work and everything, and she would always be in pain and everything, and she walked around with these um eye drops or whatever because she had to have because her eyes would get dry, you know, because everything was all torn up. And she was the sweetest person. Like, if you were to stop and talk to her, she always had a sunny disposition, she was always like happy and you know, colorful and you know, everything like that. She didn't take your shit, you know, if you were, you know, lying about something or whatever. But yeah, she was an awesome person, but she hers was not like a battlefield injury, you know. So so many people associate veterans with just these battlefield injuries, and they don't take into consideration all the other injuries that are out there that aren't battlefield injuries. Seizure is not a battlefield injury. It came from a concussion. Well, that's what they're saying. You can have a concussion in the field, though. Well, but see, that's like I said, that's their best guess for the VA, for Barrows, for banner, neurology, all these places, even the doctors in Germany, their best guess is that I fell down and hit my head, and now this is the problem. Well, you fell down during training, so they owe you. No, I mean, yeah, it I that's why it's a hundred percent, but that's the best they can come up with for what why it happens.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Yeah, they don't have an answer when it goes.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Nobody saw it or anything, and every single time I go to a doctor and they do an MRI for my brain, they see a different lesion. They at one point saw scratches on the side of my brain. Like it was it was really crazy.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

I pray for you, brother. I pray for you. It's just and for you to be able to do what you do, man. Well, that brings me to my next question, brother. Like, how are these disabilities affected your life? Because the disabilities you have, man, are really you know, you hide them pretty well.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

Well, I lost about half my intelligence. Um, my vocabulary, you know, roughly pretty much just half of everything was lost. Um I don't really learn very well anymore. Um, as you can tell with the voice change, I have a vagal nerve stimulator implant that is electrocuting me right now. It's sending an electrical current and it's vibrating my vocal cords. So that's why that's happening. Um I also have uh DBS, which is a deep brain stimulator, which has two rods that go to the center of my brain and then transmit an electrical signal signal between the two to disrupt my brain waves in hopes of no seizures. Um and I have arthritis in all my joints. Um if I don't have something to help me sleep, I'll have extremely vivid nightmares uh mixed with uh the PTSD. Um let's see, no memory. Yeah, I mean it it changes a lot. It's almost like having to relearn how to do things. I mean, I even went I even had a seizure that lasted for like 18 hours. So they had to put me into uh uh chemic chemically induced coma, femobarbital coma. And when it comes down to it, they lifted me out, and when they lifted me out, I was still seizing, so they had to put me back under. So after I got done with that, I had to learn how to walk again, I had to learn how to eat all over again. Just like with I mean, simple stuff using a spoon.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

You know, you would you don't think about that at all, but I had to learn how to eat cereal, and yeah, but yeah, you know, look at you now though, like you literally ride 50 miles a day on your bike.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

Yeah, to keep myself healthy. But you know, at the same time, I mean it's difficult because I can't I can't, I'm not allowed to drive, so I don't have a car and I can't go anywhere. So that's comp complicated, but then can't work, and part of that is due to stuff with the VA, but the other part of it is because if I go did go work anywhere, no one would want to pick up the insurance to have me there because the possibility of an accident, and that accident could be quite tragic. Um I mean it it's really just the if you talk to an epileptologist, they'll tell you is see having a grandma seizure is the equivalent of being in like a car accident. Well, I've been in like a hundred, you know, but then on top of that, I got I had a brain surgery, you know, because they had to, you know, plug things into my squash, and then you know, I have the other one that's cut open on the other side that goes to my neck, you know. So I mean I got two batteries in my chest, but I'll have to have surgery for those again later to have the batteries replaced. Wow. And when it comes down to it, yeah. Normally if you're, you know, 60, 70 years old or whatever, and you get a pacemaker and it lasts for 10 years, they're not necessarily concerned about changing the battery because they don't necessarily know you're gonna live that long. When you're 21 and they put in a device that the battery's gonna expire and you're gonna have to have surgery, just for my VNS, I'm probably gonna have to have surgery another two, three times just to change the battery.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

Oh my goodness gracious, brother.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

And then with the DBS, it's the same thing. I'm gonna probably need surgery at least two more times, and that's just to change the battery. And every time they turn that thing on, I have migraines now, and I didn't have those before. That was not something that I had that the seizures did to me. You know? But when it comes to um just regular day, like during the day things, I hear things, I see things. Um I don't know. Kind of imagine being inside your mind, looking through your eyes, but you don't control anything that's going on, you're just kind of along for the ride.

unknown 42:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

So everything in my life is built around routine. That way, if I'm not doing that routine, it's I'm out of sync because, and I know exactly why. If I'm do if I'm on my routine and all of a sudden things are out of whack, then it means either something's coming or something just happened. Because I can have a seizure, and then after a seizure, the next the next day after, I'll sleep for 20 hours and still be exhausted. Wow. But that's that's how much activity my body was going through in that time period. That's how tired it was. And then it'll break all the blood vessels across my body because you know, you strain because you're put you're you're you're like, you know, straining your muscles that hard. So um it's uh I don't remember what it's called, but my blood vessels basically they all pop everywhere. Wow, my face turns red and everything like that. I've had my I've uh uh fell and hit my eye socket so hard that um it made my eye bleed.

unknown 43:46

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 43:47

Yeah, it's a long list. I've been through a lot of crap. Like I said, the coma in itself, most most seizure patients or epileptic patients don't get to that stage. The ones that do it it's like if they have to be put into that uh situation again, it becomes a uh the survivability goes down because not many have to deal with that. And then I deal with setup, which is sudden death in epilepsy patients, which means one day I'll have a seizure and instead of flopping around, so to speak, the light bulb will just go out and I'll just ever you know, because the brain controls everything. The brain just sparks, it goes out, and that's it. Heart stops, everything stops, and I'm dead. See, that's why we're not gonna box.

SPEAKER_01 44:47

Yeah, but so I don't want to hit you in the head so hard, bro by accident, that you just catch one that's by accident, and then I just do something, and I just ruin people's lives. I'd be completely guilty the rest of my life. Would that ever happen?

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Everybody everybody's gonna die somehow, so you might as well have fun when you when you the way you choose. No, sir. You know?

SPEAKER_01 45:12

No, sir.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Who's that? I don't know. I think you touched it.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

But I mean So you're you're you're a it that's who you are, then. It's is it let me ask you this. Is it better to be selfless or selfish? What do you think the difference is with that?

SPEAKER_00 45:33

Well, if you're someone that's selfless, then you never really think of yourself, you're always thinking of other people, like your service to the country, right? Selfish would be the opposite. Now, interestingly enough, I've been called selfish for joining the service because the reason I wanted to join was I was back in 05, so it was right after 9-11, was because the recruitment levels had dropped off, and people were starting to say that you know, all the people over there in war, horrible, evil baby killers, blah, blah, blah, all that crap. And so then after the Patton movie and seeing how much, you know, helping each other really makes a difference. I realized that I had to help in some way. And I was like, you know, all these people, they are going over there. And they had one tour, then a second, then a third. You know, it's like this stuff happens. They technically don't really get to come home unless there's some of us over here that are willing to go over there. Because, you know, it kind of you make that exchange, you know. And so I felt that it was my responsibility to do my part to earn what we're all given. So instead of just saying, Oh, I'm an American and I have all these rights and this and that and whatever, I look at it more back to, you know, in the revolutionary days, and they didn't know if they would have freedom. But they fought with you know, their feet frozen and gangrene and all these other um infections and violent deaths and everything, and they were willing to go through all that, and they didn't even know if they were ever gonna get it. I'm born with it, so at that point I damn well better do something, otherwise, I I'm like pissing on their memory because I'm not doing my part to say, you know what, you made your sacrifices, and I'm gonna make mine so that your sacrifices aren't just yours.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Do you feel that uh violence is justified because of that? To prove that point, to make that happen? Sometimes it takes place, right? Certain public figures that we have seen in life, or certain public figures that have influences on others, but also wondering, hey, those same public figures, it looks like they kind of justify violence with their agenda. So what what's your take on that?

SPEAKER_00 48:25

No, violence isn't justified. However, at the same time, sometimes violence is how the to resolve it. For example, look at Iran. We could have waited forever, and a whole bunch of crap would have never changed. But a violent act c forcing the change makes it now it's changed. Okay, it's for the better. We could have waited for decades, eons, and it would have never changed. But by forcing the change, that change has happened and now they can move forward. They can, you know, women can have rights and they can be a better place, you know. So is that violence justified? Yes, because it was to resolve that problem. But at the same time, I don't believe that violence should be your first go-to for resolving the problem. Because if violence is your first go-to, you don't even know what the two sides are really fighting about.

SPEAKER_01 49:47

No. Very true. One is um logical and the other one is not.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

Well, I I just I don't I don't want things to be complicated for me, so I don't try to make them really complicated for other people. I mean, sometimes I'm difficult to understand because uh my brain doesn't work correctly anymore. Um but that's a different situation.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

Well, you first off, I think you need to stop telling yourself that and saying that about yourself. I understand that there's certain things that you know about yourself that you feel like you can't do anymore, but let me tell you something, brother. Um it's because of Christ, it's because of God that you can do anything. So the first thing we always should do is always speak life into ourselves because you should say, you know, what challenges you have, but they don't that doesn't define you. Because you show me differently, man. Even though these are the things that you name and say, when I come here and I'm very grateful for doing that and be able to speak, and it's like therapy being here and talking, right? And it's really great. But then when I see your agendas, I see your regiments, I see how you keep things in order, your home, I see the things you talk about that you back up, it's like, wow man, you persevering. You're doing what you what you say that you may not do or you can't do, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 51:08

But I see it when I come over here, so imagine what it would be like if I could do as well as I did before. Cause I get what you're saying. I mean, right now though, like I mean, I get what you're saying, because like my mom for a long time would always be like, Well, don't talk down on yourself, you can do better, you know, you're doing great already, whatever, you know, stuff like that. Right. Then eventually my mom got to the point where she was like, you know what? He's not downing himself, he's just frustrated because he knows that his capabilities were far beyond what it is now. And so he's just, you know, he knows he's he knows he's capable of more because he knows he's done more.

SPEAKER_01 51:51

Time will come, but what matters is proving you don't need to prove that anymore. Accept what you are, who you are, and what God called you to be, because you'll have time to do that one day. Can't ever think that things are wasted.

SPEAKER_00 52:06

Well, but I mean it's like, okay, so being in the service, I was an amazing soldier. Okay, and people all the time told me they were like, they were like, whatever, don't leave. They were like, You're the best soldier I've seen in 10 years. What makes you a best soldier, bro?

SPEAKER_01 52:21

So explain that to me. What made you a best soldier? I and I want to know just basic. You don't have to go through all of it.

SPEAKER_00 52:27

What made me good was the fact that basically, one, I really cared about my job and I I took it seriously. And then two, a lot of patriotism. You know, if you like your job and you do it for a patriotic reason, those are the type of people that serve in the military to the military's like, dude, you gotta leave. You're getting old.

SPEAKER_01 52:56

Well, I understand. I believe, okay. So you had foundations, you had um esprit de corps, yeah. You had a sense of belonging, you had a duty, you had a mission, you had something that you were a part of that you're the the link in the chain, and like we are strong as our weakest link, you know, like we were all together in this. I understand that.

SPEAKER_00 53:25

See, and I always believed that if they were willing, I would was always able to make whoever wasn't doing as well better.

SPEAKER_01 53:36

Well, you had a great attitude going in, bro. Like that's just like you're the the the percent, the top percent of people that have that attitude and that are good that succeed. But things happen. So instead of giving all your energy and all your ways that God created you to give in one area, he slowed you down to be in another area that's gonna be much more important. Instead of making man successful, he wants you to make and help others climb that for his glory, and he's gonna help you through that. You know, like you have a a greater purpose to serve. This is one of them that we're doing. Like, yeah, we're gonna know you in this interview, but at the same token, it's like you're allowing veterans to talk. And I know more veterans we get on here and interview, the more, but you know, that's you're helping. Well, I mean doing your part.

SPEAKER_00 54:29

I also feel that I owe a debt to veterans, and I know that's gonna sound weird, and people are always like, uh, you're whatever. But I owe a debt to the veterans that went because I didn't go, and that was part of my reason. I actually wanted to, I requested to go. They were like, You're crazy. Why would you want to? I was like, because that's my job, that's where I'm supposed to be blow-up random. But no, that it's that was my job. That's where I wanted to be. 120 millimeter. But um, you know, I just I wanted to do my do my part to help, you know, that's what I did everything for. And so part of doing this is still helping, you know, in that whole thing, you know, like just like how we don't leave anyone behind, you know, drags we drag each other across the finish line if need be. Sure, you know, all when it comes down to it. If this is the best I can do to try and, you know, get things to the point where veterans do interviews and people learn, and then people care more about what veterans are getting going through, then I guess that's my way of trying to drag everyone across the finish line. I'm by doing my part because I wasn't able to go and actually do it there, so I have a feeling of like an unpaid debt, and I want to I want to pay that back. I think that's great, dude.

SPEAKER_01 56:10

I think it's awesome. Yeah. I'll take a million dollars though, please.

SPEAKER_00 56:20

You see, that was the one thing that I never cared about. I never cared about the money. I like the job. See, I like going out and having fun.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

I like to take my family out and then just see memories and make them laugh and have a good time. And guess what? It costs money.

SPEAKER_00 56:36

Dude, okay. One time I went to Nuremberg, and I'll go more into the story some other day. But one time I went to Nuremberg and we stopped there, and when we got off the train and we asked the driver to take us to a bar or a nightclub, you know where they took us? No, took us to a high-class whorehouse where it was like$2,000 for 30 minutes or something like that. It was like, wait, what? We had no idea what was going on. It was crazy. Like I said, we'll go into that another time because that's you know totally different subject that kind of really that's that's uh military veteran stuff that people don't need to know about.

SPEAKER_01 57:15

That's the dark side of things you don't want to talk about, bro.

SPEAKER_00 57:18

Yeah, ever every every vet, every vet has done things that they weren't supposed to.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

That's where you came to the shame. Are you still ashamed about that?

SPEAKER_00 57:28

No, because like I said, it it all makes me who I am, and some of it, some of the things that some I guess might see as shameful, I use to help others later on, you know? So when it comes down to it, yes, being in Germany and everything like that, you get involved in other things and stuff like that. But later on, once I was home, I became friends with people who, needless to say, were doing adult entertainment. And I was a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 58:08

Back up, back up, back up, back up, back up. So when you came home from where? When I came home from Germany. So you were still in the military or no. You're you're so you're getting discharged. So you got discharged from Germany and you flew back home.

SPEAKER_00 58:26

I got picked up by the VA before the army discharged me. Wow. Now you get him off base now. Actually, when I left, when I left DC, I didn't even have papers to leave yet. My mom just straight out told the the uh lady, I don't care. I'm taking him. You better have the papers there by the time we get there. Wow. God rest your mom's soul. Well, think about it. How often can you leave posts and fly somewhere and go somewhere and you don't have orders to leave?

SPEAKER_01 58:58

Mama has some authority.

SPEAKER_00 58:59

Well, no, no, but when can you do that and you don't have orders to leave? Yeah, I know. Otherwise, it's considered going A-WOL. Yeah. And you're in deep shit. Wow. It was just the fact that they had taken she was there, she'd already been there for I think like seven or eight days. And she and they said they would have the paperwork ready when I came time to leave. Well, it came time to leave and it wasn't ready, and she was like, Okay, I don't care. I'm taking them. Your mom loved you that much, man. My mom was uh totally, I mean, she was a an amazing woman. Amen. She was capable of things that you like other people would be just be like, How did you achieve that? Yeah, man. I mean, come on. My mom, who she had a high school education, but she wasn't like she was like some lawyer or anything like that. Just through, as I've told the veterans before, it's very important to take notes, just through taking notes and having conversations with people, and then she calls them out on their bullshit, those people end up getting fired, or she ends up getting moved up into another group of people where she's like, Okay, well, when this happens, you don't call any of those people, you call straight to me. At one point, and keep in mind this is like over two decades ago, at one point, my mom had the cell phone number of the surgeon general of the United States of America. So literally, if she had a problem, she'd go straight to the top. Wow, and that's how my mom was, because it was like, okay, this is my problem. Okay, bring it to you. Can you solve it? No, okay, I want to talk to your supervisor. Okay, now can you solve it? No, okay, I want to talk to your supervisor. Can you solve it? No. Okay, and she would just keep going up and up and up. And then eventually it would get to somebody where they'd be like, This is not my why am I okay. What is it you want? Okay, yeah, yeah, it'll get done. And it'd be done. And then the other people, they'd all be like, Well, I don't know, blah, blah, blah. And that person would be like, if you have a problem, just call me and I can take care of it like in a few minutes and it's done. It's not something that takes like an hour. So, like I said, taking notes is very important.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:20

But I mean, other than that, where I am right now, it's not like, oh, I'm trying to make a difference or anything. It's I want to try and help people because I know that I've been fortunate enough to have help. But I want to be able to help people with the things that I'm knowledgeable about and not knowledgeable about a lot. What was that? Oh, I think that was the Alex. Oh, no, okay. Yeah, that was crazy. Anyway, wow. Really off base. But I don't know. At that point, I think we're gonna close it out because that really derailed my train of thought. So I think we'll close this one out. And um, I mean, I can always come back for more if anybody wants as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:25

I think we should, because we need to get more in-depth about what you talk about by helping others and about where your mind goes to that and how busy you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:34

Very, very, very, very, very much want to know about my career background.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:38

Just your ways, bro, are cool. You know, very meticulous and and um squared away, man. So yeah, your skill sets are still good, man. So I'm I'm grateful for this time spent. I know we'll do more follow-ups with more questions and we'll go from there. But anyone listening, if you have more questions and you have more ideas or want to be part of any interview, contact us.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:04

Yeah, if you have a question about anything that I said, or you think you might have known me from somewhere or whatever, yeah, ask. All good for it. It's at what it's like with bull and jrock at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:22

What it's like. Until next time, people. Those listening, thank you. Subscribe, follow, enjoy. Talk to you soon. God bless you. And be good to each other.