Episode 14. Healing Loudly: Taking Up Space Without Apologizing

Welcome back to another episode of La Jefa Unfiltered. I’m your host, Janet, and as always, I am so grateful you’re here spending a little part of your day with me.

If you’ve been listening these past few weeks, you know we’ve been on a healing journey together. We talked about romanticizing your healing era, creating routines that nurture you instead of drain you. Then we talked about the power of saying no, because healing often begins with protecting your peace. Last week, we gave ourselves permission to rediscover who we are, especially after life, relationships, motherhood, careers, or simply time have caused us to lose pieces of ourselves.

Today, we’re continuing that conversation because healing isn’t something you check off a list. It’s layered. Every lesson builds on the last, and every season asks something different of us.

Today’s episode is called “Healing Loudly: Taking Up Space Without Apologizing.”

Because once you start healing, something interesting begins to happen.

You stop settling.

You stop questioning your worth.

You stop asking for permission to exist as your authentic self.

You begin to realize that shrinking yourself never protected your peace—it only made you invisible.

Healing isn’t just about recovering from what hurt you. It’s about becoming the version of yourself that no longer feels the need to apologize for taking up space.

And that can feel uncomfortable.

Especially if you’ve spent years making yourself smaller to keep other people comfortable.

So today, we’re talking about what it looks like to stop shrinking yourself in your relationships, your career, your friendships, and even within your own family.

Because healing isn’t meant to make you quieter.

It’s meant to make you freer.

So grab your coffee, your tea, or take me along on your walk, and let’s have an honest conversation.

Let’s get into it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello my lady bosses. My name is Janet, a proud boricwa, mother, wife, grandmother, daughter, sister, and friend. Welcome to La Jefa Unfiltered, the podcast created for women by a woman who knows your voice matters. This is a space for real conversations, unfiltered truth, and growth without apologies. A space where women are empowered, inspired, and reminded that they are seen, heard, and masculine of exactly as they are. Here we talk confidence, purpose, self-love, balance, and the card that takes to step fully into your power. We celebrate strength, softness, resilience, authenticity, and the beauty of becoming. No mask, no perfection, just real life, honest conversations, and empowerment. So take a breath, take space, and walk boldly. Because La Hefa isn't just a title, it's who you are. Let's get on filtered. Hello my lady bosses. Welcome back to another episode of La Jefa Unfiltered. I am your host, Janet. And as always, I am so grateful you're here spending a little part of your day with me. If you've been listening these past few weeks, you know we've been on a healing journey together. We talked about romanticizing your healing era, creating routines that nature you instead of draining you. Then we talked about the power of saying no. Because healing often begins with protecting yourself and your peace. Last week we gave ourselves permission to rediscover who we are, especially after life, relationships, motherhood, career. Today we're continuing that conversation because healing isn't something you check off as a list. It's layered. Every lesson built on the last and every season asks something different of us. Today's episode is called Healing Laulin. Taking up space without apologizing. Because once you start healing, something interesting begins to happen. You stop settling, you stop questioning your worth, you stop asking for permission to exist as your authentic self. You begin to realize that shrinking yourself never protected your peace. It only made it invisible. Healing isn't just about recovering from what hurt you. It's about becoming the version of yourself that no longer feels the need to apologize for taking space. And that can feel uncomfortable, especially if you spent years making yourself smaller to keep others comfortable. So today we're talking about what it looks like to stop shrinking yourself in your relationships, your career, your friendships, and even within your own family. Because healing isn't meant to make you quieter. It's meant to make you freer. So grab your cafecito, your tea, your glass of wine, or take me along on your walk and let's have an honest conversation. Let's get to it. Before we begin, here's your permission slip for today. Give yourself permission to take space without explaining why you deserve to be there. I'll read it again. Give yourself permission to take up space without explaining why you deserve to be there. Because somewhere along the way, many of us learned the the opposite. We learn to stay quiet, don't rock the boat, don't make people uncomfortable, don't ask for too much, don't be too emotional, don't be too ambitious, don't be too confident, and don't be too much. And after years of hearing these messages, we begin shrinking ourselves without even realizing it. Shrinking yourself doesn't always look obvious. Sometimes it sounds like I'll just go with whatever everyone else wants. I don't want to bother anyone. It's fine. I'm okay. Even when you've obviously not okay. Sometimes shrinking looks like staying silent when someone crosses your boundaries. Sometimes it looks like accepting less than you deserve because you're afraid of losing people. Sometimes it looks like pretending something doesn't hurt because you've become the stronger, the stronger one. Healing asks us to stop doing that. Let's start with relationships. Have you ever found yourself becoming someone different just to keep someone comfortable? You stop speaking your mind, you stop sharing your dreams, you stop experiencing your needs, you become easier to love. At least that's what you think. But here's what happens. The more you shrink, the less people actually know who you are. They're loving a version of you that survives, not the version that thrives. Healthy love doesn't require you to disappear. Real love makes rooms for your voice, your opinions, your boundaries, and your growth. If someone only loves the small version of you, they may not know the real you at all. Let's talk about work. How many brilliant people stay quiet in meetings because they're afraid they're sound stupid? How many women apologize before asking a question? How many people refuse pro promotions because they don't feel ready enough? Meanwhile, someone with half the experience walks in with confidence. Healing loudly means recognizing your value before anyone else does. It means speaking up, negotiating, applying for opportunities, sharing your ideas, not becoming you know, not because you know everything, but because you're worthy of being in the room. Confidence isn't knowing you'll never fail. Confidence is knowing you'll survive if you do. Friendships can also become a place where we shrink. Sometimes we're the friends who always listen but never shares. The friend who always checks in but no one checks on. The friend who says yes even when exhausted. Because we're afraid saying no will make people leave. But healing teaches us something powerful. The people meant for your life won't disappear because you created healthy boundaries. Healthy friendships survive honesty. In fact, they become stronger because of it. Now let's talk about the hard one. Family. This one isn't easy, especially if you were raised believing that keeping the peace means sacrificing yourself. Some of us become the fixer, the caretaker, the peacemaker, the responsible one, the emotional support person for everyone else. And while those qualities are beautiful, they become exhausting when they're expected instead of appreciated. Healing loudly sometimes means disappointing people. Not because you're trying to hurt them, but because you're no longer abandoning yourself to keep everyone else comfortable. That can feel incredibly uncomfortable. Especially if our family has always expected you to play a certain role. Remember, changing your role in family doesn't mean you love them less. It means you're finally loving yourselves too. Have you have you noticed how often we apologize? I'm sorry for asking. I'm sorry for texting. I'm sorry for taking your time. I'm sorry for crying. I'm sorry for existing. What if we replace those apologies with gratitude? Instead of sorry, I'm late. Try. Thank you for waiting. Instead of sorry for bothering you. Try. Thank you for your time. Language matters. The way we speak to others often reflect the way we speak to ourselves. Some people think healing should make you smaller, more agreeable, less emotional. I disagree. Healing often makes you louder, not louder in volume, louder in truth. You finally say, that hurt me. I deserve better. I'm not available for that anymore. I've changed. People who benefited from your silence may not celebrate your growth. And that's okay. Your healing isn't meant to make everyone comfortable. It's meant to make you free. Can we normalize something? Being passionate isn't too much. Being emotional isn't too much. Having dreams isn't too much. Setting boundaries isn't too much. Needing rest isn't too much. Wanting respect isn't too much. The people who tell you you're too much may simply be uncomfortable with someone who no longer settles for less. Healing loudly might look like applying for the job, starting the business, ending the unhealthy relationship, going back to school, starting therapy, taking the trip, speaking up in meetings, wearing the outfit, laughing at loud, resting without guilt, choosing yourself. It's not about becoming someone else. It's about becoming more of who you've always been. I've learned that healing isn't about becoming fearless. It's about deciding that your peace matters more than people's opinion. I've learned that every time we choose authenticity over approval, we become a little freer. And freedom is contagious. When one person starts taking up space, it gives everyone else permission to do the same. Maybe that's why you're listening today. Maybe this episode is your reminder that you've spent enough years making yourself more. Maybe it's time. Maybe today is the day you stop apologizing for existing. This week's challenge is simple. Catch yourself every time you shrink. Every apology that isn't necessary. Every moment you stay silent when you want to speak. Every time you minimize your accomplishments. Pause. Take a breath and ask yourself, what would the healed version of me do? Then try that instead. One moment at a time. If today's episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs the reminder that they don't have to earn the right to exist fully. And if you're on your own healing journey, remember this. You're not too loud. You're not too emotional. You're not too ambitious. You're not too much. You are simply outgrowing the version you were that believe you are simply outgrowing the version of yourself that believed shrinking was the price of being loved. Healing isn't about becoming quieter, it's about becoming fully yourself. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. Until next time, keep healing, keep growing, keep choosing yourself, and remember, you were never meant to fit into spaces that require you to disappear. This is La Hefa Unfiltered, and I'll see you next time.