25 Lessons Along the Way

25 Lessons Along the Way

What does it really look like to grow… in real time?

In this birthday episode, I’m sitting down with myself—and with you—to reflect on 25 lessons I’ve learned along the way. Not the polished, pretty ones… but the real, hard-earned lessons that came through life, through mistakes, through healing, and through becoming.

Some of these lessons came from college.

Some came from relationships.

Some came from moments where I had to be honest with myself.

And some came from my walk with God.

This episode isn’t about having it all figured out.

It’s about acknowledging the growth… even when it didn’t feel like growth at the time.

✨ In this episode:

• Lessons about life, identity, and self-awareness

• What I’ve learned about relationships and boundaries

• How my faith has shaped the way I move and think

• The difference between knowing better… and doing better

• And the small moments that ended up meaning the most

If you’re in a season of figuring it out, starting over, or simply trying to understand yourself better… this one is for you.

Because the truth is—growth doesn’t happen all at once.

It happens in pieces.

In moments.

In lessons we don’t always recognize until later.

⸻

🎧 Her Playlist (Episode Soundtrack)

Tap in and listen to the songs that carried this episode:

Her Playlist — Episode 12

⸻

🎂 As I step into this new year, I’m also starting my 75 Day Challenge—a commitment to discipline, alignment, and showing up for myself in a new way.

If you want to follow along or join in, tag the podcast or use:

#HPHP75DayChallenge

⸻

💌 Want to be part of the conversation?

Have a story, lesson, or something you’re working through?

Email: lettersalongtheway@gmail.com

Want to give flowers to a woman who inspires you?

Email: herpathherpace@gmail.com

Subject: Give Her Flowers

⸻

📱 Stay Connected

Follow the podcast:

Instagram & TikTok: @herpathherpace

Follow me (Aireal):

Instagram: @reshae____

TikTok: @reshae__

⸻

Thank you for growing with me.

See you next week 💙

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We are drinker. Boys will make you happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are drinkers. Boys, we'll always care.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

We are drink. Which sorry. One night only. Whose version do you like more? Effie or dinners. There's only one correct answer. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I hope you said Effie. Alrighty, let's get it. Let's go. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Okay, okay, okay. Hello, hello, hello, hello, everybody. Thank you for joining me and tuning in. This is Her Path, Her Pace, where growth meets Grace, and I'm your host, Shay. And thank you for joining us on another Tuesday or whatever day it is that you're listening to me. Thank you for joining the yap session. Well, let me not say that because I'm pretty sure that's somebody else's show. This is not, yeah. Anyways, thank you guys for coming and joining for another week. Oh man, can you guys believe it? Episode 12!

unknown 1:22

Episode 12! One, two!

SPEAKER_01 1:25

One, two, one, two. And you know what else makes this episode so special? It's my birthday episode. Actually, my birthday has already passed by the time I'm recording this. But you can still tell me happy birthday down below in the comments everywhere. You can like, share, subscribe as your birthday gift to me. You know? Like, share, subscribe, comment, engage. You know, send me emails, all things. That'd be great. That would be fantastic, actually. Greatly appreciate it. Um, but yeah, let's get right into it with life. Yeah. Um, so what do I want to talk about? What's going on in life? What's going on in my world? Um, I had the artist development panel, and I haven't talked to you guys about that yet. And um it was it was interesting to say the least. It was a good, it was a good panel. I was I kind of was like feeling a bit out of place, like not out of place in terms of I don't know. It just I had a little bit of imposture syndrome, or you know, because it was just like I was surrounded by like 20, like these folks have like 20 plus years of experience on me and things like that. But I'm doing better and learning to not count myself out because I obviously was there, I was asked and invited to be a panelist because the director seat saw something in me and believed that I had knowledge to share and things like that, so it has nothing to do with me not deserving to be there and me not uh uh belonging there and all those things, um, and in that space, because I definitely did, and my opinion and perspective kind of differed from other people's and things like that, um, but it's okay. Uh so besides that, because like my only experience with panels and stuff is um I've I've curated a lot of things and I've curated a lot of events, so I've done a lot of behind the scenes work. Um, and then I myself was a moderator for a panel one time when I was an undergrad. Um, but I had never been a panelist before, and so that was new and different. Um I got to connect and meet some um people, and that was nice. It's always a great network, it was a great network opportunity, and I really do appreciate um Dr. Hunt Hunter for inviting me out and asking me to be a part of the panel, things like that. Uh, and this, and I don't know, I might get some flack for it out. It's what it is. This is my this is my podcast, it's my place, whatever. Um, this is how I felt. I felt like a couple of the things that I might have said might have rubbed some people the wrong way. Um, and they didn't necessarily rock with what I had to say. And that's okay, because my dad was there, and he also peaked, you know, people's reactions to things. And he uh he asked me how did I feel about it. Well, he first he asked me if I felt that or if I noticed it. And I was like, Yeah, kinda did. And then um he like he was like, Well, how do you feel? How did that make you feel and stuff like that? And for me, I'm not gonna lie, it didn't make me feel any type of way, like this new season that I'm walking into and like the way I'm growing and healing and things like that, I didn't see it as a negative thing, it just gave me it was like there's two truths can be two truths can two things can be true at the same time, or multiple multiple truths can exist at the same time, and so just because my perspective and my experience doesn't necessarily align with your story or your perspective and your experience does not mean mine is right and yours is wrong, or vice versa. And I just took in I was also taking in the information and the knowledge that was being shared because my fellow panelists, like like I was saying, they have like 20 plus years of experience on me, and so I was also a student in the space, and so I didn't take any offense to anything that anybody said, and but yeah, I definitely felt that a couple things I said might have I felt some people around wet, and that's okay, or you know, maybe just my presence because sometimes sometimes my presence just does that. Sometimes my presence irritates people. I don't I don't know the rhyme or reason. I don't know, that just had me sometimes, but yeah. So yeah, I just wanted to let y'all know how that was. But all in all, I was grateful for the experience, grateful for the opportunity, and I look forward to more opportunities and things like that. Um, I'm just I'm excited to see what the future holds because yeah, yeah, it was great, so yeah. Cool, now that we are all caught up, let's hit them go. Okay, so as we all know, like I said, well, I don't know if you guys remember, but ignore my nail. Ignore this nail, ignore it. I know, I'm not ignore it. But I don't know if you guys remember or not. Um, we're supposed to be doing the 75-day challenge, and we started it. Started, we were supposed we originally were going to start March 15th. Then I pushed it back to the 22nd, my birthday. Um, so we should technically be on day two. Date. Oh, my nails are messed up. We should be on date of the 75-day challenge. Um, and so remember, we are daily journaling, um, walking every day outside for 30 minutes. We are working out every day. Um, we are also um reading a chapter out of the Bible a day. Any chapter, any book that you want to do, that's on that's you. I'm not putting no pressure, no limitations, no parameters, nothing on that. Um, and then also just reading 10 pages for fun uh every day. And so the whole reason why I pushed it back to March 22nd was because I was getting a workout plan, a professional workout plan, a nutritional guide. But you know, something life happens, and she needed my person, my girl, she needed some more time because life happens and that's cool. So, but I didn't want to push the start date back anymore. So I still started yesterday on my birthday and everything. Um, but uh so but since I'm not I don't have I don't want to start working out against like against the plan without an actual professional plan, all that stuff because of my goals and things like that. So I'm just walking a little longer, 30 minutes to make up for it. That's all. So, but yeah, so that's that's how I was going. But I should have my workout planned by the end of this week. So we're gonna join in. And when I say walking a little more, like I just I'm focusing on just doing cardio right now. So yeah, but that's that's that's really it. I hope y'all are all committed to doing this. Share your pictures, share your progress videos, everything. If you hit in the gym, let me know. Post hashtag HPHP 75-day challenge, all right, and just you know, look me in, and I'll make sure to do that. And I have to remember to post as well because sometimes I'll get in my head, and not necessarily in my head, is like in my way, but like I'll just I I'm not the person to just post my life online. Um, so I'll have to remember because like the first time I did a 75 day 75 hard, I did it. Well, 75 hard, 75 solved, whatever. My version of 75 day challenge the first time, it was I posted as my like motivate not as my accountability metric. Like that was the whole reason why I posted to hold myself accountable. But I don't I no longer need to post to hold myself accountable to do the things. Um, but I saw I have to remind myself to post and things like that when I'm actually doing the things. Cause yeah, yeah. But I'm doing them with you. So, well, even if you aren't doing them, I'm doing them. So yeah, that's that. Alrighty, so that's that's that. So let's keep it cracking and melon. Okay, so now we have reached shared stuff. So for this week's shared sex moment, I want to give flowers to someone who played a very significant role in my life. And it's my high school teacher, Mrs. Mary McIntosh, who taught me at the Memphis Central High School. The Memphis Central High School. Um, before I took a class, I was pretty indifferent to the world. Uh, I had opinions about what was going on, I was aware to an extent of what was going on in the world and things like that, but overall, I was pretty indifferent to its concerns and other humanity, humans, and things like that. I didn't really care too much. Um and the only people I really cared about and that mattered to me or my family, um, and everything outside of that circle kind of just existed. But Mrs. McIntosh had a way of teaching that went far beyond the lesson for today. She pushed us to think deeper, to always ask questions, and to actually engage with what was going on around us. And I remember in one particular class, she told us something that stuck with me forever. Oh, stuck with me ever since. Um, she told us that after taking this certain class, we would no longer be able to say we didn't know better, we would no longer be able to blame our bystanding on ignorance. She charged us with the responsibility of humanity and with simply remembering. Looking back now, I really believe God placed her in my life at the exact right time. Because through her class and the way she challenged us to think, she helped open my heart in a way it hadn't before. She helped me see that the world was bigger than just the small space I had been living in. That curiosity matters, that ideas matter, that caring about people and what's happening around you matters. Sometimes God uses people as vessels in our lives. And for me, Mrs. McIntosh was one of those people. She planted seeds that I didn't fully understand at the time, but those seeds have shaped the way I think and the way I move through the world even now. And honestly, this podcast, this platform, is one of the ways I'm trying to take up that mantle she charged us with. So, Mrs. McIntosh, thank you for daring us. Thank you for challenging us and believing that we could handle the weight of the responsibility. And thank you for helping to open my heart. So here are your flowers. And crazy enough, what she has taught me connects perfectly with our main topic for today. But before we get there, let's go ahead and set the mood with some good tune. So for this week's playlist, it actually is so crazy because it is the playlist that lines up the songs that line up perfectly with this episode and the theme and things like that. Um, I actually it's actually my junior recital set from undergrad, and I titled it masterpiece. And um the premise of that set was like just acknowledging that I've been struggling, um, acknowledging the hurt that I've experienced, acknowledging where I am in the present, like acknowledging my pain, acknowledging that you know, I have some bad days, some good days, and some I don't know kind of days. Um but like you know, and putting like putting recognition to how I felt as an underdog and things like that, and just being grateful for it all, for all of the pain, for all of the disappointments, for all of the letdowns, um, for all of the lessons, for all of the things that I learned, for for all of the growth, from all of the blessings, all of the positivity, like for all the negative, like for it all. I was just thankful, and it is like just said amen to it all because it all helped make it has all been helpful in helping me become the person that I am becoming. And in the end, the last the song I closed it out with, and which is why I called it, I entitled it Masterpiece, was uh Jesse, yes, Jesse J's masterpiece um song because like I'm far from perfect and I'm far from finished. I am only, I'm only just beginning. I'm just beginning. Like, this is the start of I don't know what, but it's the start, and it's only the start, and I'm still working on myself, I'm still growing, and I'm still gonna make mistakes, I'm not gonna get it perfect, I'm not gonna get it right, I'm still human, but the point is I'm still working and I'm still gonna get there. And so all of the songs. So the first song is Underdog by Alicia Keys. The next song is um One of Them Days by Keamala Day, and then after that is Sometimes by her. Because you know, we all make plans and sometimes they go, and sometimes they don't, but sometimes they never go the way we plan. And then I followed it up with Amen by Andre Day, because like I said, it just I I didn't understand everything then, I still don't understand everything now, but regardless, just amen to it all. Cause thank you, thank you for it all, because it's all helped me, and like I said, I closed it up, rounded out the entire show with masterpiece by Jesse J. Because yeah, I'm gonna stumble, yeah. I'm gonna make some mistakes, I'm not gonna get it right. I'm human, I'm still growing, I'm still learning, and at the end of the day, I'm still working on our masterpiece, and this is only the beginning. This is only the beginning, and I am excited to see where it all goes. So, yeah, that is our playlist for this week. So, go ahead, you know, you can drop down below if you need to take a little pause. It'll be linked down below, Apple Music playlist and things like that, so you can listen to the tunes while we get into the groove of this episode. All right, yeah, let's get it. So, like I said, now that brings us to our main topic for this episode. Let's get it. Okay, so this week, in light of it being my birthday episode and all of those things, I wanted to take the time to talk about different lessons, life lessons that I have learned along the way in my life. And I am currently I'm now 26, which is I mean, yeah, I'm 26. I remember when I used to think like this. I had so many things that I thought would have happened, but I thought I was gonna be married by now. Didn't think I was gonna have kids. I always didn't plan to have kids yet. Um, but I definitely thought I'd be married by now. Um thought I'd be good and settled in my career. No, not there yet. Um, yeah, still figuring things out. There's uh what's so crazy is I have more questions than answers in life, and I did not think that was even possible. Because I've kind of always been a very curious child, and yet, some ways, somehow, I very much so have more questions about life the older I get. But I also have some life lessons and things that I have learned along the way. So we're gonna hit on 25 things I've learned, and I've broken it up into different categories from college, about myself, and then about life, about relationships, and we're gonna end on things that I've learned about God. So here we go. We're gonna start off with college. Um, so number one thing that I learned in college, learned about college, study abroad. Well, yeah, I you know, take take word caution with now, with the state of the world and everything. But my what I'm the whole point of me saying study abroad is really take those, take those chances and experience life. Like, go and do because you can even if you study, well, is is it considered still studying abroad if it's in the states? I think it is. So, like, but go and take that at ch if you have an opportunity to learn in a different environment that's not necessarily traditional through college. Take it because I studied abroad, I went to Costa Rica for a month, and what's so crazy, I was scared out of my mind because I knew absolutely no one on this trip. Um, it's only me and one other black girl on this trip, and I'm going to a whole different country without my parents. Um, and it, you know, it wasn't my first time traveling without my parents, but it was my first time traveling out the country without my parents. And yeah, I'm not like y'all, I was I was scared out of my mind, but that was the most fun I had in a long, long, long, long, long time, and it was versus definitely perfectly timed, perfectly needed, and I was so happy that I was able to be present in the moment while at like I'm happy I didn't chicken out either because I almost did, and I almost backed out because it was crazy because it was post-COVID pandemic stuff, and so the original trip was actually to New York because I it was for chemistry because I wanted to go because it was gonna be a cooking, I was gonna get a chemistry lab credit by taking cooking classes and making perfume. Who? And then I was gonna be in New York. New York is literally the last music city place that I have not been in the States yet, and so I was like, Yeah, I get to knock out two bags with one stone, I get to check that off my booking list and say I can hit all the major music cities in America, and then also cooking, get a chemistry, chemistry lab science credit from cooking and making perfume. Like, what better how better can I get? Um, but the trip the trip ended up being cancelled, and we had to and they asked us if we still wanted to go on a trip and things like that, and I was like, yeah, and they gave us a list of alternatives, and the Costa Rica trip really just stuck out to me, and it was speaking to my spirit and my soul, and so I went and I had a ball, I had a blast, like puda vida, puda vida, puda vida. Oh my goodness, I loved it. It was amazing. I went with an amazing group of people. Um, we were all, what's so crazy? I believe we were all in like this transitional, weird, healing space. And maybe not all of us, but the people that I connected with the most, I believe, which, you know, crazy enough. But yeah, um, don't really don't really don't talk to any of them anymore. But like, I don't hold anything against them or anything like that. Life just happens and things shift and change, and that's just how it goes. But I so yeah, take the trip, take those. If you have an opportunity to learn in a new environment in a non-traditional way, I'm telling you, the time to do it is an undergrad. Take advantage of those opportunities and live it up. Okay, second thing I learned about college. If you reach your senior year and you still don't know what you're doing with your life, I promise you it's okay. It is going to be okay. It is, I promise, it's going to be okay. Because let me tell you, I I had put in all this time and all this work and all this effort, and I was a super senior and all the things. Super senior because I was getting two degrees, but um, super senior, and it's okay, even if you're a super senior and you're not getting two degrees, that is also okay. It takes the actual average time to finish college is five to six years for one undergrad degree. Let me say that again. The average time to actually accomplish one bachelor's undergrad degree five to six years. So even if you only give me one thing, it is okay if you're a super senior year, but like if you reach your senior year and you realize I still have no idea what I'm doing when I leave this place, you'll you'll be okay. I there is a light on the other side of that tunnel. There is a way out, I promise. You just have to be willing and open to opportunities and new things.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

I promise y'all.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Jesus, give me patience. Um but yes, I promise it's okay. And because yeah, I'm nowhere. Nowhere where I thought I'd be seeing here. Plan the plan did not happen, did not work. Granted, it was things beyond my control that I you know, things that happened, conversations, yeah, but it's okay, you'll be okay. I am living proof that it's okay if you get to your senior year and what you originally planned, you no longer know that's what you really want to do anymore, or if what you originally planned ain't panning out, you I'm living proof, you will be okay. There is a way, and as long as you're open to learning and seeing and pivoting, then you'll be okay. Number three, college does offer a buffer bubble to real life, to the real world, to real responsibilities. Um people's buffer bubble is not as big as others. Because I was the per I was one that was privileged to where working while in school while in undergrad was an option. It I didn't have to, um, if I didn't if I didn't want to. And so, but everyone doesn't have that privilege. Everyone doesn't have that opportunity. Um, so some people, some people don't get that buffer bubble in college, or some people their buffer bubble kind of is like it's shrunken a little. But I promise, y'all, if you're in if you are in school, if you are an undergrad, I nine times out of ten, you're not, you, you're not college is a bubble. University is a bubble, it doesn't matter, doesn't matter if you go to college, doesn't matter if you go to this big pristine university, you are in a bubble. It doesn't matter if it's a small university, doesn't matter if it's a big, you know, like you are in a bubble. I promise, you are living in a bubble. College life is so different from real world, real life, and you don't realize it until you're out of it. Okay, it does offer a bubble, and for some people, that is a comfort. Some people need that bubble because they ain't ready to face the real world. That's that how you make it, but yeah, college does offer a buffer bubble in life, and I didn't realize because for me, it was a wake-up call when I got out of when I was reaching the end and got out of school. Um, how the real world works, and I understand now like the whole thing of college prepares you for the theory of life. Um college prepares you for the theory of your desired field. If it goes all perfect, peaches, creams, and all things. But once you get in it, once you actually get in it, it's a it's a different reality. That's all I'm gonna say. Uh next piece of advice and thing I learned about college and undergrad. If you get that job, if you get that internship opportunity, if you get that networking opportunity, if you get that connection, whatever you do, if you get the opportunity to secure it and land it in undergrad, secure it and land it in undergrad. I thought my professors were exaggerating when they said, oh, once you leave undergrad, nobody cares to help. No, like the way you can use the fact that you are in undergrad and in school, people, people, people, I don't know, it's like they throw themselves at the at the chance to help you. But I promise the moment you get out, those chances don't. People don't people pay you dust. People pay you dust. Doesn't matter that you got all this experience, doesn't matter that you literally spent all this time getting this degree. It doesn't matter. I don't understand why it's that way in the real world. I hate that it's that way in the real world, where it's like, oh oh, because you got this experience while you were in college, it no longer counts now that you're out of college, even though it is real experience. I can't tell y'all how. Like, do you think me being an MD for my own recitals was not real life experience? I I don't I don't like I'm literally handling all of the same things. I'm sketched like even beyond things that I did for assignments and classes, like the real opportunities and the real like the real work that I actually did in the real world through networking and connections, because it happened in undergrad, people are like, that's not real, that doesn't exist, even though all of it has placed me in positions and in a better mindset than people that are operating in this world, but that's not the point. The point is, if you get the chance to land it in undergrad, secure it in undergrad, land that job in undergrad, because I promise you even even now that I'm in grad school and I'm like I'm I'm back in school, I'm pursuing another degree, I'm pursuing a master's, people are still like, oh that's not the same.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

You're a grown woman, that's not the same. You're not a child anymore. You don't need any help, you don't need anything. Okay, I'm not asking for help, I'm asking for an opportunity, I'm asking for a chance. I'm not asking for you to give me a handout, but that's not the so, like I said, to avoid that trouble.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

If you can land it in undergrad, land it in undergrad. If you can secure it in undergrad, secure it in undergrad. Keep those internship connections and relationships. And once you if you find an internship that you really love and you you really love the company and everything that like the things that it stands for and it aligns with what you want to do, and you're not do secure it, secure it in undergrad, secure it in undergrad, because I promise once you walk across that stage, don't nobody care no more. It's a sad reality, but don't nobody care. Last thing about college that I learned is that you can 1,000 percent go to college without a plan and be a successor. Okay, I'm gonna say that again. You can't go to college without a plan and be successful. There are ways to do it. Okay, like one thing you can do, you can go to a two-year, a two-year play. What I can brain is blanking. Um, you can get your associate's degree. Now, here's the key. If you're gonna get your associate's degree, pay attention to the bridge programs so that way all of your classes transfer, all of your credits and things transfer to the the four-year four-year institution that you want to go to. Because that's another thing they don't tell you. Everything does not transfer, every credit is not transferable. So that's that's that's a little tidbit there as well. But you can always, you know, get a general studies associates, go to four-year, take gym, like literally classes that to different areas, use your electives to help you choose and narrow down the field if you want to focus on a specific study and things like that. But you can also enter into a four-year institution undeclared. You you can also go in undeclared, you can do college applications and get into college and your degree be undeclared. I believe two or three years you have before you have to make a decision. And even if you still don't know, you can go to general studies is a degree. You can get a degree in general studies. So, in case nobody told you, I'm telling you, you can 1010 go to college without a plan and be successful and get a degree. There's all there's literally degrees for just about anything, and take take those first two years, two to three years to figure out what you want to do. If you if if that's what it takes, that's what it takes. But you can 1,000 ten percent go to college without a plan and be successful at college and after. So there's that. Um, so yeah, college taught me a lot, you know, about things and everything, but it also taught me a lot about myself. So here are the five things that I learned about myself in college and fucking, and you know, well, not just in college, but things I've learned about myself in general. Um, I am rejecting the notion that I am an introvert. I am not an introvert, which is so crazy, and I've taken all the personality tests and the things like that, and they have all claimed and said I was an introvert, but I don't feel like that. Like, I no longer believe that to be true. I believe I'm an ambervert because I thrive in spaces where I have peace, where I feel safe, whether that is by myself or with people that I feel safe with. Like, I've talked about I had a big friend group in college and things like that, and yeah, at the end of the night, it was nice to go back to my place and things like that, which is probably you know, probably the root, you know, anyways. Um, because I convinced myself that like, no, I like being alone. No, I like recharging by myself and things like that. When I in actuality, I just don't mind being alone. I don't mind being by myself, and it's not that I don't, it's not that I like recharging alone. I just I don't like people disturbing my peace. And most people tend to disturb your peace. Like, it's very rare to come across somebody that really doesn't disturb my peace. Like, I don't know what better way to put that. And you know, I could just be I could be fully describing an introvert, fully, fully, fully, and just being like, uh, but I just I want to reject that because also when I'm very like when I'm comfortable, when I feel safe around you, I am like the most extroverted, weirdest, quirky, bouncing off the wall, random spurts of energy type of person you will ever meet. And so it's like, and I'm talkative, like I talk a lot. As you can that's why I got a podcast, like I talk a lot. My early episodes when I was just yapping, like I think I got an episode that's like an hour and 14 minutes of me just talking. So, like, I just I don't know. I think I'm just a little bit above. It depends on my security with the people around. If I feel safe and secure around you, yeah. I mean, like, I can be off the lots, but also I can be the quiet person in the group too, because I'm off I'm I like to observe things, so you know it's just it's just it's a lot more to it than I think me just being an introvert, and yeah, maybe I just need to retake those personality tests because it's been a couple it's been a few years since I've taken them, so but we'll see, yeah. So that's one thing. I don't think I'm an introvert anymore. I think I'm an improvert. Um number two, the second thing I'm learning about myself and learning to do for myself is embracing all of me, and like that plays into like the whole rejecting the notion of being an introvert and really thinking and believing I am an introvert because a lot of things, a lot of labels in my life I've kind of taken on from other people and things that they put on me, and like not always in a bad way because like people have called me a nerd all my life, and I embrace that fully. I don't mind being a nerd. You can call me a nerd, I don't care. I am a proud nerd, I love to read, I love math, I love facts, I love random facts. Like, call me a nerd all day, every day. I will never reject that. Um, I don't care, and then um what's another thing that I like well that you know that's just one thing, but yeah, I'm learning to embrace all of me, my good, my bad, my flaws, um, like my strengths, my weaknesses, because like instead of by me learning to embrace it all and loving it all, can't nobody ain't nothing you can tell me about me. Like, you can't make me feel no kind of way about me. Because I love all of you, the good and the bad. I know I'm flawed, I'm human, and that is a-okay with me. And so, like, that's what I'm learning to do for myself and about myself, and it's lovely getting back into this place and getting into this place as an adult. Um, because you know, I would like child, child, childlike bliss and ignorance, you really don't appreciate it. I just well, I don't I can't speak with everybody, but that childlike wonder, that childlike curiosity, and all of the things before the world weighs down on you. Man, ignorance was bliss, it really was. And I I really didn't understand the sentiment behind that statement, but I I mean I don't want to say sadly I do now because maybe that's like that's that was the whole point of my life was because I needed to be the living example for somebody else to believe and be seen and feel like they've been seen and heard, but yeah, so like I'm learning to embrace all of me. Um, another thing, number three thing, third thing, another thing I learned, I am learning about myself and realizing about myself. I have retained way more from my childhood than I realized, like way more fundamental, like foundational fundamental principles. Like I genuinely I've been having so many um recollection moments or recall moments where I'm just like whoa, okay, okay, okay, like the downloads are clicking and everything's like connecting, and things that my grandmothers and my great grandma and like women in my life and my dad, and like even you know, throughout even bad things that have happened to me, like that I didn't understand or realize were happening, or how people were cheating me, like the even those things, like even the bad things in life, like I didn't realize how much of it I really paid attention to. I did not realize how much my subconscious held on to, and like now things are clicking and making sense and all of that, but it's because I paid attention when I was younger and I was listening, and I just at the time I didn't, you know, yeah. So if you're I don't know if you're a parent or anything and you're listening to this, I don't know if you're listening to me, my young, young self yapping about this, but I'm gonna let you know like your kids are paying attention, your children are listening, and future parents they will be listening, they are watching it all, they are taking it in, even if they don't realize it, even when you don't realize it. Um, and there will be a time in their life where it will all start to click. So the word of gosh, you know what you know, just be aware of what you're putting out there into your children because yeah, like it's really like home is the foundation. School, like all when we learned about when we were learning about sociology and the different areas of influence in life, yeah, all of those are true. All of them are true. Home and school are the two strongest, like strongest areas of socialization and yeah, yeah, very true, very true. So just be aware, pay attention, um, and be intentional with things that you are putting out into the world. Um, to your kids and things like that. But yeah, that's another thing I learned about myself. I definitely paid attention a lot more than I realized. So, shout out you mom and pops, because yeah, and everybody else, all my teachers and everything. Oh, and when I say all of them, I do mean all of them, for good and bad. But yeah. Number four, fourth thing that I learned about myself, and I had to come into realization and take ownership and responsibility for my boundaries are my responsibility, they're not anyone else's. Um, because boundaries are not for other people in the sense of like for them to uphold and respect. Because yes, it's oh like, yeah, I have the standard, and it's their choice to either respect it or not, but if they choose to not, it is now my responsibility to move accordingly and hold them accountable, or you know, not necessarily and when I say hold them accountable, not in a like constantly reinforce my boundaries and constantly restate it and stay and still deal with the neglect and the betrayal and the dis No, that's not what I mean. That I mean when something happens that bothers you or bought like so when something happens that goes against my boundaries that violates my boundaries, yes, it is my job to communicate that to someone initially if they are unaware. But after you've after you've been made aware, there's no need for me to repeat it because that's a choice. But the responsibility of holding them to that choice does not fall on them, it's not falling the person that's disrespecting your boundaries, falls on me, on myself. And I had to realize that because for so long I had it confused and thought that Bob, I only understood and thought me expressing my boundaries to somebody was enough. But it's not enough. And it's not their responsibility to uphold them. It's mine because if they disrespect me, who the person that got to walk away? They don't care. Obviously. They did it, they disrespected the boundary, they don't care. So why would they care if I like. Why would they care? Just yeah, it's not it's not on them to uphold it, it's on myself, it's on you. Alright, so that's another thing I have to learn. My boundaries are my responsibility, and beyond that, it's also my responsibility to know my own boundaries. It's my responsibility to learn my boundaries. Yeah, yeah. Cool. And then last thing that you know I truly have held firm with myself, and I've said this all life, like not all my life, but it's the I've said this majority of my life, I believe. And for me, family is a firm, strong foundation, like truly a firm, strong foundation. And I know some people have experienced uh relationships and things where that's a turnoff for them because people are heavily reliant on their family in the sense of they have to do everything with their family, they can't move without their family's approval and things like that. I ain't that my parents' opinions do matter, and I'm learning how to separate and not let it weigh me down and weigh such a heavy role in my decision making. Um, but I'm not the type when I say family is a firm foundation for me, like it just family is important. Family is the first community that I was born into and introduced to. And I I I can acknowledge that I am blessed and I have favor in that sense that I I have an amazing family, I have an amazing immediate family, and we ain't always been the closest. We but we have always we have grown and we have evolved and we have grown together, and it's it's been amazing how just to see how all of our relationships have changed over time for the better. And I I really do love my family. I love like not too many people can say that their sisters are their friends, like my sisters are my friends, my baby brother, like we talk about everything. I love them to death, and I love my brothers, and even you know, yeah, life, like it wasn't all peaches and rainbows. I come from a blended family. I come from like my dad married my step. I'm just saying it for purposes of the video. My dad remarried to my stepmom, who is my mom. So don't nobody, no, nobody ever better say or refer to her as my stepmom because that's my mom. Um, but yes, he remarried, and so like she had kids, he had kids, and we believe it together. So, yes, that came with its trials and its lessons in itself, and it was not it's not an easy road. But we have, I believe we have all grown. Not even just I believe, I've witnessed and seen the growth in all of us, and our relationships. I ain't gonna hold you. Probably like if somebody would have told us 10 years ago that we'd be in this space that we in now, we probably would have laughed in their face and be like, bro, get get on, like you you tripping, like, ain't no way. But truly, truly we are, and I'm grateful and honored and so blessed to say that and you know have that relationship with my family. So yeah, and you know, once you start learning and seeing things about yourself and different, you know, viewpoints and things like that, of course, you're gonna start seeing life just a little differently, and I did. So now here are five things about life that I've learned, and you know, so yeah, uh, first thing I learned about life, you cannot pour from an empty cup, and that is not selfish, that is self-care. Um, I'm still learning this, I'm still learning to be okay with this because being an older daughter, yes, being an eldest daughter, and you know, it being in the blended family makes family dynamic. It was kind of weird because I'm my dad's oldest, but like I technically kind of fall in the middle of the sibling chain. Um, but yeah, I had a lot of responsibility placed on me. Um, I was always, you know, I had a higher expectation. And one one of those things was like to always take care and be there for everybody else. Like, and that is a heavy burden, that is a heavy weight to carry as a child, and I still have not fully let that go. I still have not fully let that go. I'm learning and I'm getting better about it. Um, because I also kind of tend to want to save everybody and help everybody figure out life, but you can't save everybody, you can't help everybody, but you for sure can't help nobody if you're not helping yourself and taking care of yourself and caring about you and pouring into your cup. And I I can't remember what video it was, uh TikTok or Instagram or something like that, but it was something along the lines of a girl she was talking about like I don't want to pour from my cup into someone else's cup. I want things, I want the fact I want I want the overflow of my cup to be what I pour. And it was something like that, and it made me it gave me new perspective on self-care and you know being there for yourself and like it's not being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. Taking care of yourself is not terrible, like that does not make you a terrible person if you have to say no to some things because you know, for the sake of your health, for the sake of your sanity, like that is okay. It is okay uh to say no and put you first, and like I said, I'm still learning that I do truly know and understand and believe now. Like, you can't pour from an empty cup, and yeah, it's not selfish. Number two, man, you can't control nothing, you can't control nothing about life. That is the second thing I'm learning. You cannot control anything about life. Life, even you can control yourself in the terms of like how you react to things, but beyond controlling your response to things, and you you really have no control over anything in life. You really don't, you just have your choices and then you have your reactions or responses to things, that's really it. You can't control the outcome, you can't control the people, you can't control the obstacles, things are just life is going to be life, and that's okay. Like, that's okay. Because honestly, letting go of that need to control, letting go of that response of control is so free and so believing. And for me, I cast all my cares and anxiety. First Peter chapter 5 verse 17. Cast all your cares and anxieties on to me. And so, like, that's what I'm doing, and it's been so liberating and such an amazing piece. I ain't gonna lie, I be a little bored sometimes. I'll be like, Whoa. I've been like I've been so accustomed to worry and stress and chaos that now that I've learned to let go and put my trust in God, like truly and fully release and let him handle it, it'd be boring. Like I can't, I can't lie, I'll be bored sometimes, but I will take this peace with this boredom over that chaos any day. Like, I don't want to go back. I don't, but yeah, and then let's see, number three pivoting is not an optional, it's pivoting is not optional, it is necessary. Learning and understanding and mastering the skill to pivot is a necessity in life. Oh my goodness, like I was saying, you can't control the outcomes, you can only like you can only control your choices and your responses and reactions to things. Learn how to pivot, learn how to pivot because if you can pivot, that means you are adaptable, that means you are flexible. That that is what leads you into a place of open-mindedness. That would that like allows you to see so much more and gives you. I don't care if people call you um obnoxious for always having a positive spin for something. I don't care. If that's what you need, that's what you like. The world needs a little bit of positivity, okay? It needs a little bit of light. So be if you want to be in the light, be it. Don't let them dim it, but you know, pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. Because that's also another thing of releasing control is learning and being okay with pivoting. Like, once you release the control, you allow yourself to be able to pivot. Once you can pivot and adapt to life and adapt to different situations, that is like oh, the possibilities become endless. Learn how to pivot. That is a necessity, that is a necessary skill in life. Pivoting because you are going to forever be pivoting in life and hitting turns always like so learn it, accept it, let it in.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

Master the skill of pivoting in its necessity, okay.

SPEAKER_01 54:22

Number four, comfort is not equal growth, but I want to add on to that you need discernment along with that, okay? Along with that, because sometimes, sometimes it's your intuition telling you, warning you, sirens going off in your head that this is not a safe place, this is not a safe space, and you need to pay attention to those. So that's why you also need discernment because sometimes being uncomfortable is not meaning this is a space for growth. Sometimes being uncomfortable is exactly that. This is not a space that you should be in. You are uncomfortable for a reason. Okay, now but comfort doesn't equal growth, but if something comes along the way and it just challenges your way of thinking by like making you daring you to think differently, or daring you, or pushing you, or if it's something that it seems hard in the beginning, I was watching grandma's house. Uh uh, was that yesterday? I think yesterday. Watching grandma's house and a well, you know, something that Loretta Devine's character said in the movie was um, oh, of course, the train of thought just left me. Hopefully, it comes back. Oh wow, please bring that back. What did she say? Oh, thank you. She said, she said, everything in life seems hard until you know how to do it. So that uncomfortability because it's an unknown skill, that uncomfortability because this is something new that you're doing and trying, don't let that scare you from an opportunity to grow. Because isn't it like you know, it helps you in life, it's going to better you in life. But like I said, like I said, pair it with discernment, pair it with discernment, because some situations that you feel uncomfortable in are warnings. But on the flip side of that, if it's not that, don't make an excuse, don't use that as an excuse to get out of learning, to get out of stretching, to get out of things that'll challenge your way of thinking. But be you have to discern. You have to discern in everything in life. You gotta have discernment. You have to have discernment. You have to have discernment. You have to learn to trust your intuition. You do. You do. But like Loretta Divine's character said everything in life seems hard until you know how to do it. So don't let your ignorance to something be the reason that scares you away. Be open to learning. Be willing to learn. Once again, another another door, another thing that opens up endless possibilities for you in life. And the last thing about life. Life unfair to everybody. Um, I don't matter who it is. I don't matter, it doesn't matter the status they have in life, doesn't matter their economic background in life, doesn't matter socioeconomic background, none of that. Demographic, none of that, ethnicity, none of that is important. None of that matters how much money they got, how little money they got, if they come from big family, small family, medium family, if they middle child, oldest, youngest, baby, I don't know, the baby of the baby of the baby. Like, none of that matters. Everybody has struggles in life. It is not your job to compare your struggles to someone else's and to try, and nor is it your job to try and use that to place yourself in better light than some other people. You have no idea what people are dealing with behind closed doors. Um, and you never know the weight that they're carrying. So, yes, from the outside to you, if you're if you are, if this is just an example, don't know about don't mean smite me if you want to eat, smite me. I don't care, but um, just because you come from if your if your background is who cares if you know the billionaire's son is going through this is his fifth time having to go to rehab, and you're just like, why is he struggling so hard with drug addiction and all the things, and his family has all this money, and his family his parents buy him this and they buy him that. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. For all you know, that boy could be getting beat and raped behind the scene and used as a sex dog, and the only way he knows how to cope in life is through drugs. You don't know, you don't know. So, point that I'm trying to make life is unfair to everybody. So don't try to compare, don't compare struggles because you will never know the weight of someone else's struggles until you're in their shoes, and even if you were in their shoes, you might not be able to carry it. So don't do it. Life is unfair to everyone, and that's what makes it fair. That's what makes life fair is that it is unfair to everybody. It tries to take everybody out, it hits everybody's insecurities, it hits everybody's flaws, it hits you where it hurts, it hits everybody. Everybody. So stop. Stop trying to compare struggles, stop trying to put yourself in a better light, stop trying to make yourself feel better. No, not in that way. That's not right, that's wrong, and that makes you just as bad of a person as the next. Who does it? That makes you just as bad as the person that you're talking down on because you feel that they're a bad person. Yeah, okay. That's the truth. Because I like that's one of the I hate that. I hate when people do that, and I had to stop myself from doing it and not and not in the way of like not because I wasn't doing it to make myself feel better. I was doing it because I was just like, and I could have it worse, which I could, I very much so could, but that ain't the point. That like that the way I was doing it was invalidating my struggles, which is also not right. Don't let nobody, don't let anyone try to come to you and invalidate your struggle either. That's the flip side of that. Like I said, life is unfair, and people can judge, and people will talk about you, and people will try and make you and downplay and invalidate your own struggles because you could have it worse. Who cares if I could have it worse? You can have it worse. I'm not here for that. I understand I can have it worse. That's not the point. I'm here right now, and this is how I feel. It is not your job to invalidate or make me feel little or feel bad because I'm acknowledging my own pain. That is also the flip side to that. Don't use it to invalidate your own struggles because your struggles are very much so real. Your problems are very much so real because they exist in your life and your world, and they are affecting and impacting you. Who cares if it could be worse? It isn't. This is what I'm dealing with.

unknown 1:02:30

Cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:33

Now we can move on um and talk about a little bit of life left in life lefin life lessons with you know the things that I learned about relationships and through relationships. And number one, number one, we're gonna start off strong.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:52

What baby? Sorry, Jaguar just tapped my leg.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:56

Number one, people always say communication is key. We're gonna push that a little further and say communication plus consideration is the key to relationships the key to successful relationships, consideration plus the communication because I can talk all day, I can communicate, I can express myself all day. But if outside of my expression you don't take the time to actually consider the words that I've said, if you don't take the time to consider my feelings, if you don't take the time to consider how what you're doing may impact me, may affect me, make me not feel like a priority. If you're not being considerate of me, that is just that is doing just as much, if not more, damage to someone who's not communicating. I don't, I mean, honestly, I don't know. I like I'm not a I didn't get a degree in psychology, sociology, none of that. I don't know. I ain't got no certification, none of that. But in my experience and in my life with relationships and everything, my best relationships, friends, like and not even just romantic relationships. I'm talking about just I'm talking about platonic associates, um, friendships, business relationships, in any type of relationship, consideration and communication is key. Because in relationships, what makes a relationship is the connection between the cause and effect with each other. Like how when if I do this, this and like this can affect you in this way. I have to be like that's part of relationship is the connection, and you have to be aware of how the things you say, the things you do, impact that connection, whether that is communication or consideration. So for me, number one, push that whole saying communication is key. I push a little further. I say communication plus consideration is key to successful relationships. Um, number two, being part of a village requires sacrifice. I'm gonna say that again. Being part of a village requires sacrifice. You can't just want people to show up for you, and then you never show up for them. There, you have to sacrifice time, and like you have to like I mean, most of the time that's literally all it is you're sacrificing. You're sacrificing the time to be present, to be there, to show up. If you want a village, you have to also be part of a village, and to be part of the village requires sacrifice. You might not want to, you might have. All hell breaking loose in your life. You might, but I promise you, if if your if your best friend calls you and tells you that they just lost someone very close to them, you're gonna have to sacrifice and be there for them. I made the mistake of not being a village for some people and put being selfish in the sense that I couldn't see past my own problems. So I'm not I'm not just telling y'all something that I haven't had to learn or something that I haven't made a mistake in myself because I have. So being part of a village requires sacrifice. If you want people to show up for you, you have to show up for people. You gotta, and majority of the time, the only thing you're sacrificing is time. It usually doesn't require a lot of mental strength, mental capacity. Because some people just want presence, some people just want you to be around. They don't care to talk, they just want you there. Literally, they just want you there. You telling me you can't sacrifice a trip that you can that you can still make it to. You're just sacrificing a day for a trip to be there at a performance for your friend, for your best friend, somebody who's showed up for you countless times, you can make that one sacrifice. I'm just saying. If you want to be part of a village, it requires sacrifice. You can't just expect people to show up for you and you never show up for them. Number Oh, number three, what you allow will continue. In all relationships, what you allow will continue. And I've only ever heard this talked about in the romantic sense, but also in friendships. In friendships and romantic relationships, in business relationships and associates, associates, partnerships, whatever kind of relationship, whatever you allow will continue. Ties back to me understanding and learning that my boundaries are my responsibility. So whatever I decide to allow in relationships, that's what's going to continue. If I allow somebody to play with my time, they will continuously play with my time. If I am the one constantly chasing them down to get a response, we will always be in a relationship where it is expected for me to chase them down. You know, you are like, you know, if I'm always the friend reaching out, it's going to become the expectation that I will always be the friend to reach out. If I'm always making the plans, the expectation will become that I will always make the plans. If I allow you to talk crap about me constantly, talk down on me constantly, that will become the expectation, and it will be expected for me to always take that. Are you picking up the pattern here? Whatever you allow in any relationship will continue. And number four. Truly do flock together. Truly do flock together. It is innate, it is natural, human instincts. I did learn this in class. I did learn this in a um in an actual class, and my professor she herself has the degree and certification that told me this fact. But it is innate in humans to want to be in community in communities of people with the sameness, of likeness, whether that's a sameness in appearance, sameness in values, sameness in thinking, you know, it's innate. It is natural to be attracting to people who have some type of similarity to you. So birds of a feather truly do flock together. Like, you know, um, and this is important and key with relationships because it's okay if when y'all met, y'all were all in this this one season. But do y'all have the ability to grow together out of this season? And that's usually where a lot of friendships, and well, in my in my experience, that's where a lot of friendships tend to fall off and waver. People outgrow each other, like outgrowing a relationship is real, like that is so true, and is a very real thing, and it's very possible. Um, so yeah, birds of feathers really do a lot. So, my advice to you is like tonight, I wouldn't necessarily, I mean, yes, you should evaluate your circle, your friends, because if if you're friends with somebody and you don't like something that they do, or even if your partner is friends with some people and you don't like how they move, I hate to break it to you. I hate to tell you this, we all. I hate to tell you, but there's a part of them that also moves that way. There's a part of them that is accepting of that bad behavior. There's a part of them that's accepting and or thinks in that negative way. I don't care what they say. I don't care what they say. If you're friends with somebody, if you're entertaining that, if you're in a relationship with somebody, if whatever you're dealing with them, working with them, there is a part of you that is also that way. Now you can have boundaries and things like that. There's a little bit of nuance in the way you deal with people because that's also another thing you have to evaluate the actual true relationship. But yeah, birds of feather really do block together. That is a true statement, true sentiment. So some people need to do some re-evaluations, anyhow, yeah. Um, and number five, the key for all relationships, and I'm so happy I know this now, and I I've always known this, but I can't stress it enough now. God must be at the center of all of them, even if you are the only person centering God in the relationship dynamic, God needs to be at the center of all of them, at all of them, because God is going to help you discern through and work through and get through different relationships and the nuances and the ups and downs, and God must be at the center because when it's time to go, you need to go, you know, be stuck up in there. I'm telling you, you don't want to be stuck up in there. I promise you, because if you have if you center God, if you and I don't mean no, you running back and telling God what you want and telling him how you're gonna stay in this relationship and telling him that this must be my person. You telling God, no, that's not what I'm talking about by having him at the center. I mean truly placing God at the center and having him be the true connection. I don't know how to say this not centering God, not in the way for you to try and control the narrative, but centering God as guidance and letting Him lead you in this relationship. I promise we will save you so much trouble, save you so much heartache. Because there are plenty of friendships and relationships that if I would have actually listened to my parents when they had their discernment, because their discernment was stronger than mine at times. Obviously, they've lived a lot more life than I have, um, and their pattern recognition skills are a bit stronger than mine. Um, and you know, yeah, things like that. If I would have listened and if and if I would have been prayed up and if I would have centered God in all of my relationships, I would have saved myself so much trouble, so much heartache. But you know, we're here and I'm happy for it all because I went through that, so you don't have to. That's why I'm here giving you the lessons, so you don't have to, so you don't have to learn it the hard way. So yeah, just center God and center it, center God in the way that you are trusting him to lead you and to guide you in these relationships, okay? Not in the way where you're telling him that this is how it's gonna go, and I need you to confirm and tell me yay or nay, and regardless of what he says, you still not gonna miss it either way. That ain't what I'm talking about. And once again, I've fallen victim to that. So I ain't telling you something that I ain't done, I ain't telling you something I don't know. Okay, these are lessons that I have had to learn the hard way. And since we are honestly talking about God already, and I gotta be honest, a lot of this clarity about all of this is a result of me getting closer and strengthening my relationship with him. So now we're gonna talk about five things that I've learned about God and on my walk and journey. Number one, God is God is the source, and he has blessed us with resources. You have to remember that. That is like that was such a I didn't really, I didn't understand what that truly meant at first, and like till someone put it in the way of therapy. And with therapy, therapy is a resource that God has blessed us with on this earth to help us handle and get through life. But God is the source, and you still have to have him at the center of it all to discern who is there for your good and who is not, who is truly there to help you and who is not, what is a good resource and what is not a good resource, whether something that is in alignment with your walk person, something that is not. I keep saying discernment, discernment, discernment, discernment. But yeah, God is the source, and he has blessed us with different resources on this earth to help us get through life, but you can't let those resources become God because it's not God is the source. The resources are just tools that he has blessed us with. Number two, he truly wants it all, he truly wants it all, not just your happiness, not just your joy, not just your gratefulness, not just your gratitude. He wants your pain, he wants your suffering, he wants you to literally bring it all to him and lay it at his feet and allow him to help you in life. He wants you to bring it all to him. He wants it all. Like that Forever Jones song. I love that song. I've sang that song so many times growing up. I still sing that song to this day. But I was singing that song before I truly understood that message. He wants it all to bring it all to him. Literally, cast all your cares and worries and anxieties on him because he wants it all. Because he can bear it all because he already has bared the weight and sins of this world. He's already carried it for you, for me. It's already done, it's already finished. Now the struggle is you have to release it for yourself and give it all to him. Because once you do, you've already won. Number three, oh, you stuck like Chuck once you win there. Ain't no, ain't no department, ain't no going away. You stuck like Chuck. God had to remind me that. You stuck. You stuck, you already look, life may get hard, and things may happen along the way, but once you say you are mine, you are his. And that is such a beauty and such a blessing and a comfort. Because, like I said, I I have I am experiencing a peace that I've never known before. A true peace, a true relaxation. It's gonna get boring sometimes. I'll I'll be like, man, oh, chaos might not be too bad. But I have to remind myself that like, no, I don't want that. Like, actually, no. This is great. This is actually very much like this is the peace that I've been praying for. This is the understanding and the wisdom and knowledge that I've been searching for, and it's it's always been here. It just was literally waiting on the other side of the door for me to open. Um, number four, excuse me, mustard seed faith. Don't count out your mustard seed faith. Don't count out your mustard seed faith. Because here's the thing that God revealed to me about mustard seed, and it was in I actually can't remember scripture now, but because there's two chapters, they're back to back, and I wanna say, give me a second, I wanna say it's in John. I might be wrong. I'm wrong, not John, Matthew, Matthew, ha ha, there it is, not John, Matthew. I'm sorry, John just in my head and I'm a heart. I I was I was getting there. Matthew 13, where he talks about the parables of the kingdom, and then Matthew 14, where he talks about mustard seed faith. And at first, I and I talked to my dad about it because I was a little confused about some things. Well, not confused, but I was complaining some things. But God, well, I thought I was confused, but God was also letting me know that no, I'm revealing to you, I'm saying to you, I'm letting you know that if you water, yes, it'll start out faith the size of a mustard seed. It'll start, it can start that small. It it it it was it there's nothing wrong with it starting that small.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:42

But when you work towards when you work towards that belief, when you water that mustard seed, when you uh work and step out on faith and you do and you believe and you trust in me, and you read, and you meditate on my word, bluster seed grow into this huge beautiful tree that just springs. And he said he he let me know that it may start out the size of a mustard sea with that working, that telling, that praying, you reading, you connecting, and you coming back to me and talking to me and being honest with me. That mustard seed faith is going to grow.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:46

It's going to grow like the parables, like how I mentioned with the parables in Map 13 about the kingdom. That mustard seed faith is going to grow. It's not going to stay a mustard seed forever. That's what God revealed to me. And that was a comfort for me to let me know and remind me that none of this is in vain. None of this is in vain. No matter how many people, no matter how much the world, no matter how much life tries to tell me and beat me down and make me believe otherwise, nothing I've done has been in vain. None of my none of the lessons, none of the decisions, nothing has been in vain.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:40

So have that mustard seed faith. Work. Step out on this that mustard seed faith.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:49

Because yeah, an A's very small. But the more you work and the more you tell it is going to grow. And one day you look back and you will finally realize you are not in the same place you were when you begin.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:10

That's comforting. For me, that's comforting. That makes me feel sick. So here.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:22

And the last thing. Last thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:32

God is about relationship and love. He orders us to love him and to love each other.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:44

To love him through relationship and to love each other above all else. John 13, verses 34 through 35.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:57

He commands us to love above everything else.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:05

That's a comfort. That's a comfort. Because I mean, yes, love, but here's the thing. Love is correction. Love is guidance. Love is not always in agreement. Love is gonna tell you when you're wrong. Love gonna call you out. Love will discipline you, but love will comfort you.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:29

Love offers grace. Love offers patience and a kindness. All of that makes love. All of it. And when you move in love and you operate from a place of love. No matter how much the world tries to beat it out of you, you will be okay. You will always come out on top. You will because you're genius, you're moving from love, you're operating from a place of sincerity. So above everything, above all else, love. So yeah, yeah, he has instructed us to love.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:24

And I'm not gonna lie, as somebody who has been misused and abused, and I like people have taken my kindness, taken my kindness for granted, and you know, I I got a big heart. Like my my people tell like my folks tell me all the time, like they literally fuss at me about this so much, and they're like, I don't understand how you still like are not and I do have to be a better steward with guarding my heart and things like that, but like I just have a big heart. I really, I genuinely do like and I've tried to not, and I still ultimately like that's the thing. I've tried to not, and I still cause it's like literally, it's just I just I don't know. It's just in me. It truly is in me to just move from love, move at a place of love to always be genuine and sincere. And shout out to my parents for that. I don't think that I I mean that might not have been what they was trying to do, but it happened, and I got a big heart because of it. This cost I mean, you know, I get hurt quite a bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:43

I get hurt quite a bit because of it too.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:47

But it's also it's a comfort to know that like me having this big heart, me moving in a place of love, me being this person and being the way I am is more. of a testament to me being God's child to me being to me doing the work that I've been instructed to do here even if then no matter how big or small or whatever the metrics of impact I don't like the vanity point that that's that's not important what matters is that I've been being obedient and I didn't realize it just by being myself and that my love for people and my love like the love that I have is a testament to my relationship with him and my connection to him and just that's beautiful that's just beautiful and I love it and I love it so yeah that's that's the third thing I like about Adam so if these last 25 years of my life haven't taught me anything it's I mean have taught me anything have taught me anything if the last 25 years of my life have taught me anything is that growth happens over time and it is far far far from linear okay um it comes lesson by lesson red sorry but yeah and if there's one more lesson that I'm continuously learning and having to remind myself life is forever full of surprises just just go just just take it at any time life is gonna forever keep surprising you life is going to forever keep surprising you say yeah do what you can and just live so as you guys know I want to hear your stories and I do still want to connect and hear your voices and I mean like I said I ain't no psychologist I ain't no therapist I ain't go to school for none of that ain't got no certification in none of that but if you would like for me to give you some advice I can give it my best shot but what I really want to I mean also if you just want to share your own stories what are some lessons in life that you have learned as you've gotten older what are some things how do you feel about some of the things I've said push I mean we can push back on some of the things I've said if you want to have a conversation we can do that too. So you know email those letters to lettersalongtheway at gmail.com that is L-E-T-T-E-R-S A-L-O-N-G T H E W A Y at Gmail.com so we have reached Grace notes and I just wanted to say before we wrap up today I wanted to leave you guys with this quote um from Socrates that I believe is very fitting for these life lessons that I've learned these lessons I've learned along the way in my life in the past 25 years of me living and the quote is the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing because the only way to learn in life the only way to grow in life you have to remain a student at heart you never know what someone can teach you. I'm 26 and there's things that when I was a teacher when I was an assistant teacher those kids my kindergarten babies they used to teach me something every day they used to teach me something every day so don't discount the teacher don't discount the lesson don't discount the way it's brought to you you have to remain a student in life and a student at heart and be open to lessons and constantly learning because I promise there's always something to learn there's always something to grow from and you don't know anything as soon as you think you do life has a funny way of showing you you don't so yeah that's that so as we've reached the end of our episode I would just like to say once again thank you all for joining in and yeah joining me on a special birthday episode your girl is a good 26 woo two six crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy um and I just want to remind you guys of the 75 day challenge do hash hashtag hphp 75 day challenge you know come in let me know what y'all doing drop the pictures post all the things tag the podcast at her path her pace um you can also follow me on socials all of that information will be down below and you can like comment share subscribe to the YouTube channel to the Instagram to the TikTok to all of the things okay so do that for your girl engage with me interact with me I'm gonna hear what y'all got to say I see y'all watching I know y'all are listening because I'm looking at the day I know y'all are watching and listening so just talk to your girl a little bit okay um so yeah don't forget write in write in some so until next time you guys I will see you next week so I will see you next week until next time remember to pause breathe take a beat and don't forget to give yourself some grace till next week guys