When the Light Came Back

There was a time in my life when I thought I was living… but looking back, I realize I was surviving.

Not because I was falling apart or completely disconnected from reality. In fact, from the outside looking in, I was functioning. I was showing up. I was handling responsibilities. I was doing what needed to be done.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped feeling fully connected to my life.

The laughter wasn't quite reaching me. The joy felt distant. The days started blending together, and I found myself on a hamster wheel of simply trying to make it to tomorrow. It wasn't intentional. It wasn't something that happened overnight. I had been in survival mode for so long that it became normal.

In this episode, I'm reflecting on what it looked like to slowly come out of that season and realize that many of the things we've talked about in previous episodes—control, unforgiveness, hurt, fear, and carrying burdens that were never mine to carry—were all feeding into that survival mindset.

I share how learning to be present, paying attention again, and allowing myself to actually feel instead of performing feelings began to change things. Not overnight, but little by little.

Most importantly, I talk about how God became the center of that shift.

For a long time, there was so much noise, chaos, pressure, and distraction pulling me in every direction that I couldn't see what was happening. But now I can look back and recognize that every lesson, every challenge, every moment of growth was leading me back to Him.

God became my anchor.

That doesn't mean life suddenly became easy. It doesn't mean the problems disappeared or that I stopped having questions. Life is still life.

The difference is that I'm no longer trying to carry it all by myself.

I'm no longer excluding God from the day-to-day moments of my life.

And somewhere along the way, the light came back.

—

🎧 Her Playlist

•  "Be Still" — Yolanda Adams 
•  "Good Days" — SZA 
•  "Beautiful Day" — India.Arie 

—

💌 Letters Along the Way

Have a story, experience, question, or something on your heart you'd like to share?

Send it to:
 lettersalongtheway@gmail.com

—

✨ 75 Day Challenge Reminder

As we continue growing together, remember to give yourself grace through the process.

Use #HPHP75DayChallenge or #HPHP75Days so we can encourage each other along the way.

—

📲 Stay Connected

Follow the podcast:
 Instagram: @herpathherpace
 TikTok: @her.path.her.pace

Follow me:
 Instagram: @reshae____
 TikTok: @reshae__

—

If this episode resonated with you, don't forget to follow the podcast, leave a review, share it with someone who may need it, and subscribe on YouTube.

And as always...

Honor your path.
 Honor your pace.
 Give yourself grace. 🤍

Transcript

0:59

Hello, hello, hello, everybody. Welcome to welcome back to her path, her pace, where growth meets grace, and I am your host, Shay. And thank you for joining me on another Tuesday. Oh y'all, y'all, y'all. I can't lie. Um, we can go ahead and dive right in with Life Lady. But yeah, like I was about to say, y'all, um, can't lie, recorded a whole like, and it's not even just I've recorded two episodes, pre-recorded them, edited them, and everything, and went to upload them both, and the one for this week, once it was uploaded and everything processed and everything, some it said error, no file found. And when I went back and looked at my files, it said zero, whatever the little whatever gigabyte thing I think is what it is. It said zero, and I said, huh. But it was a whole file, like you could see the screenshot of the image of the video there, and so I I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened, I don't know what's going on, but you know what? We we can re-record we can record another episode and I'll just edit it and upload it and play this one. It actually has some like a foul through it. I don't I don't even know how that works. I don't know what happened, but yeah, that happened. Um so here we are. Yeah, that was that. Uh, but yeah, the life update that I wanted to give y'all was um I I know last episode was the summer bucket list, and I got well it technically wasn't a thing on my bucket list because I said I wanted to go to a carnival or a fair. Um, but I got to go to the water lantern festival with my friend and her family, and it was so good, and it honestly was more than I was expecting it to be. I I thought it was just like, you know, this cutesy little thing we all get together and you know, we make lanterns decorated and you just put it on the water. I and I mean that could this could just be a me thing. I didn't do my due diligence to look into what it actually is supposed to be. Oh, shoot me, I don't care, but um yeah, but it was actually more of like about release and growth and wanting to better yourself and like basically everything well not yeah, basically what this podcast is about and so and the timing of it was really nice because I didn't I I needed to release some things and then I also wanted to it was I don't what am I trying to say? It felt like a a vision board file like vision board kind of vibe, but it was also like a release breaking thing, so like the way I did my lantern, I did things um I did it was things it was centered around things that I want to be more like I had one side it was just full of words of attributes and things that I want to be more of and carry forth and like be going forward and you know and then I had another side where it was full of all the people that I love and that I care about and that matter to me, and um, I even wrote the the my loved ones that have passed away that have mattered to me on that side as well, and so like it was me that that side to me represented um that side represented to me circling the people and acknowledging the people that I love and care about and also releasing the people because some of the people like one of the people that I wrote on there that has passed away is my mom, my birth mom, and um I had things about her that I wanted to continue to carry with me, but there's also past pain and you know, like I on the unfree on the forgiveness episode I talked about it a bit, and then in the Mother's Day episode I talked a little bit about our relationship and things like that, and so wanting to continue to keep the good and release the negative and bad like the negativity around her and around our relationship and truly um and not just around our relationship but also release the pain and the grief from her passing away and the impact that that has had on me and not just her but other women and people that I've lost um in my life because grief is a grief is a crazy, crazy, funny little thing. Um so that was one side and then the other s another side was I took a picture and it was like living the dream because well I took a picture, I wrote on it living the dream, and in each corner it was either it was four corners, so in each corner it was a symbol or picture that I drew. If I drew a picture to symbolize what living the dream means to me and what attributes of that I wanted to take forth and but also on the flip side of that, also releasing the need to releasing the phrase of chasing the dream because and bringing in and manifesting living the dream because and not just living any dream, living my dreams and being present and all of those things, so it another side that was like a double-sided coin, and then yeah, um, so those were things that were on my lantern, and it was really special. We did like a whole meditation uh sex session to set the mood for the release before we actually went up and released our lanterns, and that was very beautiful to me, and it was a really good meditation because it really put me in the mindset of you know release and manifestation and empowerment and connection and growth. And what was so crazy, they kept saying that I believe the central theme was like you are the light and you know wanting to foster connection with people and it was it was just all around, just a beautiful thing, and it did make me a little sappy and stuff, and yeah, but I'm I'm I'm a big old sap, so I that shouldn't be surprising to anybody who really knows me. But yeah, I really enjoyed myself and I didn't know that that was what the event really entailed, and and I'm happy I went, I'm happy that I got to do it, and it was definitely something that was needed, and it was perfectly timed and all of those things, but yeah, it was great and I enjoyed myself and I can't wait to do it again because I I believe me and my friends said we believe we're gonna do it like make it an annual thing because I yeah, yeah, it was it was great, it was a great time. I really enjoyed myself and yeah, and beyond that, beyond the event itself, like I was so like I was like I wanna be girly, and so I put on this nice little flowy dress, and it was so pretty, and like I I was just I felt free and yeah and that was just great, like I said, it was a perfectly timed event, and I got sappy on the at the event, after the event, and that's just me, big old crop baby, sensitive, shappy old me. Um but yeah, but beyond just the event stuff, it was also how I dressed and how I carried and was like carried myself that day and showed up and it was freeing and yeah, I don't wanna cry. Um kind of a little sensitive, a little bit frustrated too, so it might be a bunch of things overlapping at this moment because the whole episode thing really blew me, honestly. And I'm probably gonna have to record the next one, re redo the second one too. But that's neither here nor there. But yes, that was the life of date, the water lantern festival. If you have one coming in town around near you or in your city, I highly recommend you actually do it and participate. It really is something that's beautiful, and they're doing something amazing for the community, and it's really it's really something special. So, yeah, that's the life of date. Okay, so now that we are all caught up, let's go ahead and talk about the mall. Okay, okay, okay. As you all know, we are still doing our 75-day challenge. We are hitting it hard right now. Let's see the 22nd today. The the day this is going up now, the 22nd. So today is the 26th. So the 22nd, we have 15 days left in our challenge. So 22nd, 23rd, 30, Saturday. Hold on, brain math. It's only been four days. So we have 11 days, 11 days left in our 75-day challenge. Oh my goodness, y'all. Who 11 days left in our 75-day challenge, and it's been going, I've been holding out, and I've been going really strong. So I am recommending to all of you, if you've been Rocky, that's fine and dandy. That is A-oka. We have less than two weeks left in this challenge. So I I will be joining and going extremely hard on my end with my list, and I encourage you to do the same. Forget everything else that's happened, forget all the times you didn't follow through and do the things. Thing of the past, you did it, it happened, it didn't happen, it is what it is. We are here now, and so for these last two weeks, well, 11 days, go as hard in the paint as you can with your list, and just remember that the whole point of this challenge is to help you or remind you of whatever you feel like you need in your life. Like I said, my list is for me to help better my relationship with God and remind myself to take time for myself. So, whatever is on your list, whatever your routine is, whatever your objective is for having this 75-day challenge, go hard in these last two weeks, 11 days, and commit, stick it out, write it through. We are almost to the end, and I promise, once we get there, you're gonna be like, Oh, yeah, this was actually pretty good. This is pretty nice. Uh yeah. Um, or if not, you can be like, maybe maybe that's too much. Maybe, maybe next time I can just, you know, do less or you know, simplify it, whatever, whatever your reflection is by the end of the 75 days, that's it. But commit to sticking it out these last two weeks, last 11 days, and go hard in the pain. So, as a reminder, what is on my list in case you wanted to take some of the things from my list, or you are also doing my list, it is to read a chapter out of the Bible every day, go on a 30-minute walk outside every day, read at least 10 pages for fun, whatever that is for you, every day, and to work out daily and eat to support what you're doing. You want you want the gains to be gaining, so you gotta eat to support the gains, okay? They go hand in hand, so yeah, and journaling, daily journaling, daily, daily, daily, daily, daily journaling. That is also it, okay. So don't forget, like I said, we have about 11 days left at this point. I think that math is correct. If it is not, somebody in the comments let me know. But I think that math is correct, about 11 days, about two weeks left. So you can take us along in the journey with you and do hashtag hphp75 days or hashtag hphp75 day challenge. Share your photos, your reflections, things you've learned, things you are learning, and all of the things. I want to hear it all. So let us know. Write it down in the comments down below. Whatever floats your boat. Okay, but we are here doing this challenge together on this journey together, walking this thing together. Okay, okay, okay. So now that we are all glowing, growing and going, let's go ahead and see who we are in step with today. Okay, so for this week's shared steps, I want to give flowers to the one, the only, Viola Davis, and not just for the awards and the titles that she's acquired, but for the journey it took to become who she is. Because Viola Davis didn't just arrive, she fought her way here. She's an egot winner, Academy Award, Emmy, two Tonies, like her work speaks for itself. But what I really admire about her story is she's been open about growing up in poverty, about the trauma, the hunger, the survival she's had to live in, and how that didn't just disappear when success came. And she talks about this in her memoir, Finding Me, how even after reaching the level of success she has, she still had to do the internal work to come out of survival mode to heal and to actually see herself fully. And that's the part that really stuck with me. Because just because your circumstances change doesn't necessarily mean you've left survival mode. She had to learn how to live and not just survive. And the one thing that she said that really stuck with me is I became an artist, and thank God I did, because we are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live life. And that's what this is about. Learning how to live again. Because getting out of survival mode isn't just about what's happening around you, it's about what's happening within you. And Viola Davis is a beautiful example of what it looks like to do that work, to heal, to come back to yourself, and to finally live and not just survive. So thank you, Viola Davis. Here are your flowers. So this week's playlist is really about coming back to yourself. It's about slowing down, finding your peace, and learning how to live and be present and not just survive. So the first song on this playlist is Be Still by Yolanda Adams. And for me, the song represents slowing down, reconnecting, and as the title says, be still and know interesting God. Like, just yeah, be still, be present, reconnect, connect, be here, and it'll be okay. And the next song is Good Days by Sizah, because this song for me on this playlist represents awareness and healing. And then the next song is A Beautiful Day by India R. Re. And it just to me wraps it all up and ties it all together about joy and being present and embracing the journey. Cause life is a journey, not a destination. There are no mistakes, just chances we've taken, laid down your goods, cause all we have is now wake up in the morning and get out of bed. Start making a mental list in my head all the things that I am grateful for. Early in the morning, it's a dawn of a new day. New hopes, new dreams, new a open up my eyes and open up my mind and make this a positively beautiful day. Early in the morning, it's a dawn of a new day. New hopes, new dreams, new ears. Open up my eyes and open up my heart and make this a positively beautiful day. I believe that's how it goes. Yeah. But yeah, crazy enough, sang that song in elementary school and fifth grade for our fifth grade graduation. And that song it it stuck with me then because I just thought it was so beautiful. I just thought the song itself was beautiful, and but I didn't really fully understand the lyrics like I do now. But yeah, it's just a reminder to just wake up and be grateful and be present. And yeah, you're gonna it's a journey, you're gonna make mistakes, but it's okay. So yeah, that's how we're tying up all of that. So, yes, those are the songs on the playlist for this week. So now that we have our tunes, let's go ahead and walk through this thing, y'all. So I'm be honest, I didn't realize I was in survival mode because I had been there in it, survival mode, protection mode, whatever you want to call it, whatever that space was, stuck in it, waking up in it for so long that I didn't even recognize how unhealthy it really is. I not at all. And the way it looked for me was it showed up with constant anxiety, uh, unknown stress, always worrying about things, trying to control things, make things happen, needing to control things to make them happen. And I thought that that was protecting me. I thought that was living. I thought that was me being here in life and being, I don't I just thought that was the way, and I thought that was the only way, and that was that was just it, and that's all life was. But being that way, living that way, thinking that way was what was keeping me stuck, has been keeping me stuck for so long. Um, and what made me realize that I was being this way and that it was getting worse and overshadowing my life was that I I wasn't laughing fully anymore, I was numb. I experienced a numbness, I was detached from so much, and I had no genuine joy in life anymore because I was just constantly on this hamster wheel, going in circles, running around and around and around and around, just trying to survive, barely thinking I'm making it, trying to hold on to whatever I could hold on to, and like I was there, but I promise y'all I was not present, I wasn't there, I wasn't, and that version of me that was full of light and joy, and the way people used to describe me was just bubbly and like she was fading. That version of me was fading and was being drained, and I didn't realize it. And what's so crazy? The crazy part about all of it is that everything we've been talking about, the truth, the control, the unforgiveness, the hurt, the pain. All of it brought connected to me being in this space. All of it was keeping me in this space. And the turning point in it for me, it didn't happen overnight. I'm starting to believe nothing happens overnight at all. Absolutely nothing. I know, well, I know nothing. Well, I'm not gonna say that. This didn't happen overnight. Um, it wasn't an overnight thing, it wasn't like I just went to bed and woke up and was like, you know what? I don't want to be this way anymore. Well, I did say that, but the process is what I'm saying, isn't what happened overnight. It's taking time, and I'm still in the process of it, and yeah, you know, but it started with me simply slowing down, something as simple as forcing myself to actively be present wherever I was in the moment, not looking forward, not looking at the worries, not trying to figure out something else while I was doing something else, not just actively being present and connecting to the moment and paying attention again, and by doing that, I was slowly starting to feel things again, slowly starting to be there again, and not just having to perform or put on the act of feeling, or you know, like the light was coming back into my eyes, I guess you could say, in a way, and it further led me to discerning and rejecting projections, like other people's projections on me and their expectations and other people's opinions about me, and so many things I had to learn how to separate what was mine, what was actually my baggage, my choices, my thoughts, my things, and separate that from the things that never belonged to me in the first place. That and the way I did that was genuinely, has been genuinely with God. Because I know I keep saying it, but this is truly where God came back into the center of my life for me, and by him being in the by me allowing him to be in the center of my life, I just I didn't see it at first. Like I said, I didn't know. I I I didn't know what was going on. It was too much chaos. I was always stressed and worried and trying to figure this out and make this happen and do this and do that and try to literally force my way through life by myself, and I felt like I had to do it by myself. And once I finally released, let go, started doing the work, started doing the things I was able to see and understand, and I've been gaining clarity and getting closer with him, and our relationship has been building, and yeah, that's that's that's that, and what's keeping me from going back to that survival mode, that protection, that those hardened walls, those high walls, hardened hardness, that hard shell that was coming around me is God, and He is what's keeping me from going back. I've I've experienced a peace like I've never known. I've been so present and aware way more than you know, and I'm keeping I'm a I'm doing this by keeping him as my anchor and remembering who my soul anchored in the Lord, who and you know, the ri the reality of all of that is that doesn't mean life isn't gonna try to pull me back into that same space. It's not it's not that's not saying that oh, because I have God at the center and God is in my life and God is present and all of those things, and because I'm a Christian and I'm a follower and believer and all the things, that doesn't mean necessarily that life ain't still gonna be life. Life is still gonna be life, it's still gonna be life regardless. You know, the stress is going to come, the triggers are going to come, the distractions are still going to come. It's just now I recognize it with God, you know, and it's just different, it's just different, and uh, it makes me feel different, I see things differently. So, yeah, my message to you is for me, for me, the anchor is God, and I'm not saying that it has to be the same for you. I am not trying to force God onto anybody. I promise I'm not, but he is the center and he is the anchor for me. So I'm not counting him out of my life anymore. Getting out of survival mode, getting out of that space, that hamster wheel takes time. But now that I have this peace, I don't want to go back. And once you find it too, I promise you won't either. So yeah, that's that's my message. Take the time, slow down, be present, be active, be aware, stop, try, try to not perform and actually just be here. Something as simply something as simply just slowing down to be present can make all the world of a difference in taking you out of survival mode and pulling you out of that space, pulling you out of the negativity, pulling you away from other people's projections, helping you to discern what is yours and what is not yours, what are your thoughts, what are your opinions versus what are the other th the things that people are trying to tell you, what are the things that the world is trying to make you feel and force you and tell you. Sometimes simply being still stopping, slowing down and embracing the journey is what you need so yeah. Okay, so now we have reached this segment in the episode where I would still love to very much so hear your voices, hear your stories, hear your lessons, anything you want to share about things that you've learned, things that you're going through, a testimony, and anything you've overcame, and all of those things. Or if you'd like some advice, you can also email those letters in. Not licensed, not certified, but I can give the best big sis advice that I got. Okay, okay. Um, but yeah, you can write those letters into letters along the way at gmail.com. That is L-E-T-T-E-R-S A-L-O-N-G T-H-E-W A Y at Gmail.com. So we've reached Grace Notes. And for this this week, the Grace Note. Um, because like I said, God is my anchor, I want to share this with you. And um Matthew 11 28 says, Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. And Psalms 46 10 says, Be still and know that I am God. So if you are in a place where you feel tired, life has just been a lot. I want you to understand and know and truly believe and hear me when I say, you don't have to carry everything on your own. You don't have to keep pushing yourself. No, you don't have to you don't have to break yourself to survive. You are allowed to rest, you are allowed to be present, you are allowed to live. That's the grace note for this week. Remember to live. Okay, so once again we have reached the end of another episode. I want to say thank you to you all for joining me and sticking it out with me this week and staying on this journey with me as well. If you if something stuck with you from this episode, or if you just want to keep tagging along and knowing what's going on over here on this side of the podcast world, you can just like, share, comment, subscribe, and turn on those post bell notifications so you're notified every time another episode drops. Um, but yeah, I hope I said something that resonated with you. I hope the message was clear. I hope I hope it I just hope it reaches the people that it's supposed to reach. I hope, yeah, I hope and pray that that's what happens this week. Um, but yeah, so once again, thank you all for joining me. And until next week, guys, remember to pause, breathe, take a beat, and don't forget to give yourself some grace.