Respectfully...I Was Wrong

Respectfully... I Was Wrong

Sometimes growth looks like healing.

Sometimes it looks like finding peace.

And sometimes... it looks like laughing at yourself. 😂

This episode was inspired by attending the Pour Minds live show, where they revisited some of their old opinions to see if they still felt the same. Sitting there, I couldn't help but reflect on how much they had grown since the first time I saw them live—and just as importantly, how much I had grown.

The first Pour Minds show I attended was a completely different season of my life. I was running from things I needed to face, settling for relationships that weren't serving me, simply trying to make it through school, and honestly just surviving. Looking back, I can smile because I know that version of me was doing the best she could with what she knew.

But she's not who I am anymore.

So in this episode, I'm sharing a few things I can now say, "Respectfully... I was wrong about."

This isn't an episode about regret. It's about perspective.

Because changing your mind doesn't mean you failed. It means you've lived, you've learned, and you've grown.

So whether you're laughing at your younger self, realizing your parents knew what they were talking about, or simply embracing the unexpected twists your life has taken, I hope this episode reminds you that it's okay to evolve.

Sometimes being wrong is exactly what helps us become who we're meant to be.

—

Thank you for walking this journey with me.

And as always...

Honor your path. Honor your pace. And give yourself grace. 🤍

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Alright, let me tell y'all. The way this heat got immediately is getting hotter. So take a volume. Getting hot. I wanna take my cold. And it's getting hot so hot.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Oh, I am getting so hot. I'm gonna take my time.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

With a little bit of and a little bit of that's how this heat got me feeling. I don't know how to God dog, it's hot. It is hot. It is hot. It is hot. Whoo! Anyways, let's run the intro. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, everybody. Welcome to welcome back to if you are returning. If this is your first time here, welcome, welcome, welcome. This okay, this is her path, her pace, where growth meets grace. And I am your host, Shay, and thank you for joining us on another lovely Tuesday. Oh my goodness, let's go ahead and dive right in and get started with life lately. Let's get them updates rolling, y'all. So, as I mentioned before in the previous episode, I told you guys that I did the dare night and I'm checking things off of my summer bucket list. Yes, yes, I am. Yeah, I am on yeah, I am, and so um, I decided to feel like the wow free space, you know, random thing that I just wanted to do on the bucket list, is I put the Poor Minds live show there, and I because I went when I was in Nashville that weekend, and it was so great, and it was like a solo date type of thing for me, and I got to like it was just such a crazy experience and it was such a full circle moment and things like that because I went to their very first live show in Nashville when it was at Zany's, and I was so upset that I didn't know that they added a second show because the first one that I was at it had sold out because if I would have known that I would have bought tickets to both of them and I would have gone to the segment and all those things, and you know, we'll talk, yeah. But all in all, it felt like such a I don't want to say full circle moment because it'll be a full circle moment once I'm sitting on the couch between Lex and Drea and you know we we we doing a little kick in and having some good girls that that's what it'll be like a full circle moment. But um, I will say it's been like a it was like a semi like circle moment because like what was so crazy is that and they ins like what we did and what they did and being there and all of that inspired this episode and like our main topic and stuff like that, which we'll get into later. But what was so crazy is as I was sitting there, as I was enjoying the show, the joy the show itself was amazing, had a ball, like had a blast, drag a poor liquor in my mouth. It was such a great, it was a ball of a tongue. Lex was just shaking her ass all over the place. She just, oh, and man, let me tell you, that thing was danging. Oh goodness me, but like it was such a ball, it just felt like such a it was just fun. It was just fun, it was so much fun, and I had I enjoyed myself. I was I got VIP, so I got to go meet them after and take pictures and stuff like that, which it was very quick. I wish it was just a little longer because like I really wanted to like talk to the girls, but I understand how those things go. It's just you know, you know, hey, hi, oh, you so pretty, you cute, boo, boo, boo, pick, pick, pick out of there. Um, I think now I will say this. This is the only this is one thing that I wish and I really was hoping and want it to happen. And so maybe Lex Andrea, if y'all ever come across this, or if your marketing team ever comes across this, or you know, even if um Ty ever comes across this, what I wanted when I was at the bar, I wanted a chance to order some of the drinks, or like one of y'all's favourite drinks that Ty has made. Even though Ty personally probably might not have been able to go on tour with y'all or be there at every show, I feel like that was such a that would have been such a like roundabout way to tie in. You know, like I mean, it's called Poor Minds, and you know, we drinking, well, y'all drinking stuff, and like Ty's kind of not kind of, Ty has become such a big important part of the show and things of that nature, and just like that whole thing. And so I just I wanted to try some of the drinks that y'all be drinking because them recipes and what Type, it'd be sounding good, it be sounding great, and just yeah, I feel like y'all could have had like so mixy girls like around or something like something like that. I just feel like that was just a missed marketing opportunity. So just you know, if y'all do it, well, not if when y'all do y'all next live show, live tour. I just, you know, that's money, honey. That's money right there. That's money for everybody. Ty, y'all like and advertisement. I'm just you know, you got y'all, y'all can take that, y'all can add that one. Um, but no, I got so off track with what I was gonna say. Oh, yeah, semi-circle moment because it was so crazy being there and in the audience. And the place that I was in when I went to that very first live show versus this live show. I I me personally myself am in two completely different head spaces, and it was just such a crazy like growth moment for myself. Like, I don't know, like the I don't there's no other way to really describe it other than I personally sat back and was like wow like to see their growth and to see like the difference between that comedy hall and that packed because I ain't gonna Zany's was packed ah it was packed that and so but even Zayn to go from packing out Zany's to packing out that I can't even think of the name of the venue, it was a music venue, uh, but to pack out that venue and it was sold out and it was just and then seeing the stage like the setup and just the just all the like all the works that went into it, it was so crazy, and it was such a surreal thing, and seeing their group growth, and then putting like in a parallel situation, parallel moment of seeing my own personal growth, and like I'm not in the same headspace that I was in the first time that I went, and it was just like and I just but yeah, and it just was like it made me have like such a surreal moment of reflection, and it inspired this episode and stuff like that, and so yeah, we're gonna get into all of that a little later, but that's like what's going on in my life. I like I said, checking things off of the summer bucket list, actively doing that, okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what your girl's doing. So, but that's what's going on in my world, in my life, and all of those lovely, wonderful things. Also, like I said, I know y'all are tired of hearing me talk about school, but I'm done with this term, this marketing term. I'm um out of that class, out of that, out of that, out of that. And guess what I got? I got an A. I sure did. I got an A in my marketing class. Clap it up for me, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up. Oh, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up. Because, oh my goodness, y'all. Like I said, one of the hardest classes I have yet to take. And not just because it just was really hard. It just, like I said, required both halves of my brain, both sides actively being used at all times, all cylinders fully running.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Okay, but yeah, we got it, we did it, we did it, we did it, we did it, and I got a I ended the class with an A. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

But yeah, that's what's going on in my world, that's what's going on in my life, and so yeah, all of those things. And now that we are all caught up with each other, let's go ahead and talk about them glow-up goals. Oh, okay. So, for this week's glow-up goals, I wanted to present you guys by do with doing something I want to call grace in action. Like I said, when I was at the Poor Minds Poor Monts episode, when I was at the live show for Poor Monts, it inspired like this entire reflection and seeing my growth. I mean, obviously, that's kind of the whole point of this entire podcast, but it did it something in a different light and things like of that nature. And so for this week, the glow-up goal and the or like the weekly challenge, I like I said, I want to call it, you know, grace in action. I want you to give yourself grace actively. And this week I'm challenging you to give yourself permission to change your mind about something. It can be something very small. Like if you're like, oh, I cook every day. No, I deserve a little treat and I want to go get something to eat. Okay, cool. Go change your mind and go do it. You know, just grant yourself permission to change your mind. It can be something tiny, it can be something big, it can be something daring. But whatever you do, just give yourself that permission and that grace and changing your mind and understanding that it is okay to change your mind, and it's okay to move in that way. All right, and so that is our glow up goal for the week. That is our challenge, grace and action. Give yourself permission to change your mind. Yeah, just give yourself permission to change your mind. Cool. So now that we are all glowing, growing and going, let's see who we are in step with on today. Okay, so for this week's shared steps, I want to give flowers to the one and the only, Mrs. Niecy Nash. Betts, okay? Because what I admire most about Nisi isn't just the incredible actress that we know her as today, it's the courage it took to become her. Before the awards, the red carpets, and the critically acclaimed performances, Nisi was a wife, a mother, and someone doing what many would consider the right thing. Well, yeah. Um, she had built a beautiful life, but you know, deep down she knew there was still something inside of her that she just hadn't fully explored yet. And instead of ignoring that feeling, she had the courage to be honest with herself and with her then husband about wanting to pursue something for herself. That could not have been easy. So choosing to chase a dream after you've already built a life takes a different kind of bravery. It means risking comfort, certainty, and the expectations people have for you. But Nisi dared to believe there was still more waiting for her. And she was willing to do the work to find out. Through relentless dedication, resilience, and refusal to give up on herself, she built this remarkable career that we see today. From making us laugh to moving us through powerful dramatic performances. Niece has shown that it's never too late to bet on yourself. What I love most about her story is that it reminds us our lives don't have to follow the timeline we imagined. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is admit we've grown, honor what our hearts are telling us, and have the courage just to take that next step. So this week we're giving flowers to Mrs. Neasy Nash Betts. Not just for the actress that she has become, but for the woman who believed there was still more inside of her and was brave enough to go after it. So thank you, Mrs. Neasy Ny. Thank you, Nisi, Nacy, Nasey, Nacy, Nase, Nase for daring and believing and taking that step. Mm-hmm. So now that we are all in step with each other on this week, let's go ahead and set the mood with some tunes. Okay, so for this week's playlist, the first song on the list is Thank You Dex by Miss Ariana Grande. This song for me represents in this playlist, it represents, you know, things happen, learn from it, move on from it, and that's just that. Thank you, next. Did it, done it, been there. It is what it is, and we're gonna keep on moving. Then next, we have a video by India Ari. And just this song just generally to me just screams, just self-acceptance, accepting who you are and accepting the journey, and accepting everything that comes along with it, and as you grow and as you change and as you evolve, you know, sometimes admit it means admitting you were wrong about some things. That's admitting you made some mistakes, but you know what? It is what it is, and I'm who I am, and that's just that, and gonna keep on going. And last but not least, to round out the playlist this week is Good as Hell by Lizo. Because I just think that summarizes all of it. It just summarizes it all, like I said, learned from it, made mistakes, made a couple bad choices, fell down a couple times, but you know what? I'm gonna keep on moving and grooving, and I'm gonna look good as hell while I do it, okay? Because thank God I don't look like what I've been through, and thank God I don't look like what I'm growing through because heaven only knows. That is how we are grooving in this conversation. So now that the mood is set, let's go ahead and walk through this thing, y'all. Okay, so like I said at the beginning of the episode, how this theme and topic about reflection and things like that was inspired by the Poor Minds podcast, Poor Minds live show in Nashville. Um, yeah, like because part the opening segment that they did this show was, and I don't know if they're doing it for every show, but I know they did it for the Nashville show, was they played like a little clip of them saying stuff from their old old episodes, like about old opinions they might have had, and they took the time to acknowledge and reflect and be like, do they still feel the same way about it? And it inspired me to just be like, hmm, it got me thinking about my own shifts and about my own perspectives and about different things that I may have felt one way about, but you know, respectfully, I just might have been a little wrong. Now, granted, granted, the clip they played, I still, you know, I still I still was the amen into that choir as as they were too. Um, it shifted just a bit, but the overall deep message, yeah, nah, I still rock with it. But however, comma. But however, no, however, comma. Um, that's uh we're we are gonna talk about things that, you know, respectfully, I just might have been just a little wrong. Respectfully, my my opinion might have changed just a bit on it. Um maybe. Uh and I like I said, looking back at who I was when I went to that first show and I got to see them and just seeing their growth and putting my own growth in parallel with like the timing of everything. Because let me tell y'all, that first live show that I went to, I was sitting in that crowd with a boy ain't had no business sitting in the crowd with. Didn't I don't even think honest to goodness, please forgive me if you ever see this, but if you don't, it is what it is. Don't even think I might have even really liked the dude at the time. I think it kind of just was one of those things that just kind of happened. And yeah, was but like I said, sitting there, he wasn't no good, couldn't do nothing for me. I was still barely like making it through life. I was avoiding my own crap and not wanting to face my own mirror and affording myself. I was running in circles. I was unintentionally hurting people because I was hurting, you know, hurt people, hurt people, burning bridges and just yeah, all in all, just a bunch of chaos going on in my own life at the time when I was at that first live show. Versus now sitting in the when I was sitting in the crowd and I was watching them and participating, like I could actually enjoy being there. I enjoyed being there. I was having a ball, like I'm not that same girl that I was back at that sh at that first live show at Zany's. I'm not that girl anymore. And that was such a like amazing thing to it was it's one of those like tiny well, I don't want to say tiny. Well, yes, almost tiny things that if you don't take the time to slow down and pause, you'll miss it, kind of thing, kind of things, and growth. Because it wasn't it's not like the huge like I mean, obviously, yeah, I wasn't there with a boy that I ain't had no business being there with. I was there by myself. That's an obvious thing, but the bigger thing was like my headspace, my mental, my emotions, like emotional stability, the progress in where I like want to go, where I am going, and things like that. Like all of those things are different. And like I said, it's one of those things that if you don't take the time to slow down and see, I could have missed it, and I'm happy I did, and I'm happy they took the time to reflect on something, and it triggered like a domino effect kind of thing for me. And the first thing that it made me sit back and realize was that respectfully, and thankfully, I was wrong about my own timeline, y'all. I was so wrong. I was so, so, so, so, so wrong. Because let me tell you, I just knew I'd already been married by now. I actually thought I would have been married a year ago. I thought I was gonna be married by 25. But let me tell you, I ain't got no ring, I ain't not got no kids, and thank God I'm not with none of the men I was with before. Because, you know, if everything went according to my plan, I would have ended up with somebody I had no business being attached to. And they would have it'd been it would have been somebody just dragging, I would have been dragging them along, they would have been dragging me along, whatever. But it just wouldn't it just would not have been a good thing because at the time, yeah, I was with boys who had their own mama issues, whether it was they was mad at their mama and they were taking it out on me, or they they just I don't know, they had control issues, or you know, kind of a blur, or they was looking for a mama or something in between all three different mixes. It just was such a bad oh, it just would not have worked, okay? It would not have worked, and thank God it did not. Thank God that I'm not tied down and married to any of them. I mean, cool, great experience. Thanks for the lesson. Happy I learned something, and I'm so grateful I made it out. Thank you, God. Oh, and then also just like even the whole kids thing, I've realized that y'all, I am very selfish with my time right now. I am extremely selfish at the moment, and I I have no whims against saying that. I personally know, and I'm taking I've taken the time to know, I am not ready for kids just yet. Like, I'm not, and honest to goodness, don't know if I will even want kids. And then the older I get, the more I'm just like, mmm, maybe not, maybe, maybe not. Um I don't really know. And but like as who I am right now, where I'm at in this life, that figuring out, trying to jigs all these puzzle pieces and whoo, good God almighty. And if you would have thrown a kid in the mix, y'all. Like, no, I just hats off to everybody who does have kids. Y'all are if y'all are actually being active parents and taking care of your kids and putting your kids first, like how you're supposed to, and doing all that, because that's the thing, once you got kids. Once you have kids, I mean, yeah, you still have your life, you still be you. But at the end of the day, them kids gonna burst. Them kids come for you. You gonna have to make a bunch of. And let me tell you right now, right now, I just started stopping. I just stopped, I just stopped people pleasing. I just stopped. And y'all think I'm ready. No. Kids right now just would not. So once again, respectfully, thankfully. I was wrong about that timeline. I was a little bit wrong. I was a little bit wrong. And then, you know, next thing. My parents were absolutely right. And I ain't even about to say they was right about something that big, y'all. They were right about micro cleaning. Like the importance of cleaning up every single day. Because being on my like, yeah, when I was in college and stuff like that, had my own space, cleaned it, had roommates, had suite mates, yada yada, yada. But it's a whole different ball game when you actually got your own place and you really ain't nobody. You you don't have nobody that's like you have to be respectful of and just, but just the ease. Just the ease of when you actually do take the time to clean up a little something every day. Break it up a little something every day. That is it just makes you know that weekend deep clean just so much better. And you can find the enjoyment in it, and like you can generally take your time, and it's just you know, it's just it just is easier. And then also I have a cat now. I have jaguar. And let me tell y'all, then boy, I can't leave nothing out around him because when I do, he gets into it and he tear it up. So, like the fact that I had already started building the habit of microcleaning and cleaning every day and all those things, my parents were absolutely right. Sorry, mama and daddy, for all them nights. I ain't want to do them dishes. Sorry for all them times. I ain't just wanna, you know, take the time to spray the baseboard down every now and again, wipe the cabinet down every now and again with a warm hot towel and some cleaning. I sorry, y'all was right, y'all was right, and I was wrong. Respectfully, I was wrong. And then another thing, mama. I get it. I get the need for absolute silence in the car. Oh, I'm so sorry. We would be talking your ears and your head off some days, and we would just be obnoxiously loud. Because, baby, when I be in my car, after a long day of work, I don't want to hear nothing. After dealing with so much, I don't want to hear nothing. I don't want to hear radio. I barely want to hear the wind breezing outside the car to let me know I'm driving. I just won't complete other silence sometimes because I just know mama, I get it. I get it now. I get it, and I so sorry. I apologize on behalf of me and my siblings for all those obnoxious times we all those times we were obnoxious in the car. I so sorry. I so sorry, girl. I so sorry. And then what else I was what the other thing that I actually was wrong about was like my perception and how I perceived solitude for me. And what I was like, and what I mean when I say that is, and I believe I've touched on this before in another episode, but the thought of me being an introvert meant one I thought it meant me like always wanting to be be alone and solely being alone because I do love my own, I do love my own presence, I do love my own company. I don't need all the hoopla around me to be okay. I'm fine with talking to myself. I talk to myself all the time. I mean, now I talk to Jaguar, but Jaguar don't always be talking back. So ultimately, I still just be in this jun talking to myself, and that's cool. Like, I like my company. I like me, I like being around me. I think I'm pretty cool, I'm pretty weird, and that's okay because being normal is borang, and I'm anything but that. So, yeah, I love be some me and I love being around me, and I don't need nobody else. I like, but however, calma. What I realize is that it's not necessarily that I just want to be alone. Yes, I recharge alone and all those things, but I just don't like my peace disturbed, is really what it boils down to. I don't like anybody that comes in my bubble and disturb my peace. Like if we can't sit around and be in silence and be in comfortable silence, and like you feel like you always gotta make a noise and something like that. No, you probably don't need to be around me. You gotta be comfortable in silence, you gotta be comfortable, you know. Sometimes I just wanna listen and I don't feel like talking. And if that makes you uncomfortable, I so sorry. I so sorry, but you can't kick it around me because sometimes I am a mute and I don't want to say a doggone thing. I just like, yeah, yeah, mm-hmm. I'm still actively listening, I just don't got the energy to come conversate, converse, whatever the correct term is. I ain't got the energy to do it. I just want to listen. I just want to listen. I think that's okay, and I hope you would be okay with that. And then I just sometimes I just want to be present and I want like I like people being in my presence at times. Like I said, but what it comes down to, I like people who don't disturb my peace, who don't disrupt whatever I got going on around me. Like I said, if I just want to be quiet, let me be quiet. Don't try and force me to talk. And then sometimes I I need a listening ear, and sometimes all I can offer is a listening ear, not much else. And you gotta be cool with either coin, either side of the coin that you get that day, or at that time, at that hour, in that minute, whatever how it happens. And I have also realized that I prefer quality over quantity. Granted, I've never been a person that's like, oh, I gotta have a big friend group, I want a big friend group, I want a lot of people around me all the time, da da da. Never been that person, but I really didn't understand how much I genuinely appreciate quality relationships and um until like you know, I got older and things like that because like I said in past episodes, and episode I believe, I did the whole, I tried to have the big friend group and get myself out there, put myself out there, hang out with more people, be active in that way. And it I mean, it all came crashing and burning down, and but but besides that's not the point. That ain't the point. Thing is, I've done it, I've tried it, done it, been there, done that, didn't work out for me, and so I really do genuinely like quality over quantity, genuinely quality relationships over multiple, and that is perfectly fine with me. And I also believe I touched on this maybe tightly, but I was there's absolutely nothing wrong with being multifaceted as a person because I contain multitudes. I am not just one thing, and I can reject, accept, refute, acknowledge any label that I choose to because it's my life and it's my world, and I'm living in it, and I am the center of the universe. I'm duh like what? Yes, sometimes I'm quiet and I can be very sarcastic, and I can be very much so a smart aleck. Some days I have a lot of energy, high energy, and other days it just seems like ain't nothing going on in my head. I can zone out so quick, so quick. Your girl likes to talk too. I can talk your head off if I'm in the mood. So it's just like I yin, I'm yining yanging myself, and that is perfectly a-oka with me. And for the longest, I did try to, you know, fit myself in one box, and not just because of what other people say, but because of how I perceived different labels, and I was like, okay, if you are this thing, then that's just the thing you are sometimes. And and I'm just like, no, no, I'm all of it, I'm all of it in the above and beyond to infinity and beyond. Like, like it is what it is. I'm gonna keep changing, I'm gonna keep evolving, and I may keep some things, I may throw some things out, and some things may grow, some things might go away, and you know, it might be one thing one day, it might be the another thing the next, and not in the sense of you know, being fake or not in the sense of not understanding and knowing who I am, but in the sense of no, I am accepting my duality, I am accepting my multifacetedness as a human, as a person, and all of those things are a-okay. And I respectfully don't have to accept any kind of label, anything tries to put it on me. Anybody in the world, the world, nothing. As long as I'm me and I'm cool with me, that's perfectly fine. Like I said, I might want to listen one day, and another day I might talk your head off. I might want to listen for 30 minutes, and then within the next 15, I'm blasting your ear. Like, you know, that could just that that could just be me. That could just be me. I might some days I'm I can be very smart with it. I can be quick, smart with it, quick with it, and had them fast comebacks. Other days I might just laugh it off. I might not have the energy to give you the energy back, you know, and it's all good. It's all me and it's a-okay. And just to like bring it all together, the funny thing is every one of these things that I was like quote unquote wrong about has taught me something. You know, life changes, people change, perspectives change, and being wrong isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's the evidence of growth too, and that's just the way life goes, the way life is, and you just gotta sometimes roll with the punches and accept the blows and take the wins. That's it. Okay, so now we have reached the part of the episode where I want to hear your voices, hear your testimonials, your stories, the lessons you would like to share with us. And if you'd like some advice, you can write that in too. Not certified, not licensed, but I can give the best big sis advice that I got for you, okay? If you want to say share any of those things or have you want some advice, you can write those letters in to letters along the way at gmail.com. That is L-E-T-T-E-R-S A-L-O-N-G T H E W A Y at Gmail.com. Okay, so now we have reached the grace note part of the episode, and the grace note is simply this some of life's best lessons start with well, I was wrong. Because life is funny, growth is funny, and thank God we don't stay the same. So, once again, I thank you for joining me on another episode this week. I hope I said something that left you laughing, gave you perspective, or made you thank all of the above. Um but if you like what we got going on over here, you can like, comment, share, subscribe, and turn on those post bell notifications so you are notified every time a new episode drops. Okay, so thank you once again for joining me on this lovely Tuesday. And until next week, guys, remember to pause, breathe, take a beep. And as always, guys, remember to give yourself some grace. See ya.