The Mompreneur Huddle

Ep 19: How to Overcome Trauma & Anxiety ft. Dr. Deliqua Isom

• Tammy Capri • Episode 19

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In this powerful conversation, I sat down with the incredible Dr. Deliqua Isom to dive deep into the connection between trauma and anxiety—how our past experiences shape the way we think, move, and make decisions today. She shares her personal journey of overcoming struggles and how she now helps others rewire their mindset, break free from limiting beliefs, and heal from past wounds. If you've ever felt stuck or wondered why you react a certain way, this episode is a must-watch!

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SPEAKER_02

Take us down, like how it really makes you shut down. Cause you really feel like you couldn't talk to anybody. Age five to twelve, I was molested.

SPEAKER_03

Two male cousins, one female cousin. If my mama don't believe me, what makes me think this teacher is gonna believe me? I was raped in my early 20s, and I went through a lot of domestic abuse.

SPEAKER_02

That fear really handicapped you into really advocating for yourself.

SPEAKER_03

But my anxiety was directly tied to my trauma.

SPEAKER_00

Why else kids are looking up to me? Ah well we do. Girl, use a ball smile. Baby girl, you so perfect, girl, use a ball smile. Making everything worth it, girl. Use a ball smile. Stand on all of your business. And when it comes to investments, then baby girl, you the real girl, use a ball smile. Yeah, I like that right there.

unknown

I like that right there.

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to another episode of the Mom Peneur Huddle Podcast, where entrepreneurship meets motherhood and we talk about everything in between. I am Tammy Capri, the Mom Panur Mentor. And today I have a very special guest, y'all, and I'm so excited to have her in the huddle with me today. Please help me welcome Dr. Delaca Isum to our show. She joined us in the huddle. How are you? How are you? I'm well, well, well. Fabulous. Thank you, likewise, honey. Thank you. Thank you. Well, first and foremost, um, I want to thank you for even coming on to the show. Um, I had the pleasure of hearing you speak when um I was on the speaking at um You Can't Have My Sister conference um last year in Atlanta. Um, and you just came through and was just so powerful. Thank you. So powerful in the way you just dominated that room. Um, so I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes. When I said we got to have her on the huddle, absolutely yes. So welcome.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_02

Can you just tell um our audience just um a little bit more about you and what it is that you do?

SPEAKER_03

So I am Dr. Delacore Isam. I am a the mindset architect. Yes. So I specialize in anxiety. So basically, what I do is I help my clients reclaim their lives from cope, from coping to thriving. So that can be healing from trauma, healing from new experiences, focusing on mindset, focusing on personal growth and professional growth. My audience is leadership, women that are in leadership. I love it. Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Mindset is everything. And I love the fact that you focus on it because now it's becoming a little bit more normal in this day and age, or maybe I would say I hear about it more because I'm tapped in. I'm a I'm woke. That's it. That's what it is. Um, but this whole mindset thing, um, let's break down the concept of what the mindset is, like how we think, why we think the way we think, and how our past traumas can affect. Let's talk a little bit about that. I'm gonna pick your brain now. You here. Look, she here. I'm I'm I'm digging in.

SPEAKER_03

Let's go. So mindset basically statistically shows. Statistic shows that by age 35, you are basically running our programs. So emotions, thoughts, behavior patterns, everything that you have experienced. So that has become a part of your softwareing, right? And that is part of your programming and how you maneuver through the world. Now, in order for you to create new neural pathways, new neural architecture, you have to be present, present moment awareness. Most people think the same thoughts all day long. So their mindset never changes because they're not changing their thought patterns. So, in order to change your thought patterns, you have to become aware of what's in your thought patterns that is producing the behavior.

SPEAKER_02

So, what I notice a lot of people are not aware that they're in their mindset. And is that a direct connection to their upbringing, to their trauma? How is that connection relevant?

SPEAKER_03

It's a big connection because you got to think about it. When you come out of the womb, you're taught everything. So you're not really utilizing your brain as much as you think you're doing it. You're being programmed, you're being programmed from day one. And so, in order for you to come out of that, you have to go into deep self-reflection. You have to become aware of you, you have to practice mindfulness. Most people aren't practicing mindfulness every day, you know. It has to become a part of what you do every single day.

SPEAKER_06

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

You know, I always tell people when something is occurring, something has happened, don't respond right away because your response is gonna come from old wiring. Right? Yeah, so if you take a moment and just take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, then you can be present with that person and respond in the now versus your past. That takes practice. It does. That takes practice, a lot of practice, but it also requires healing. Yes, it it deep levels of healing, understanding your trauma, right? Um, so a while back I posted talking about anxiety, and a lot of times you're taught anxiety because you're not taught to address your issues coming up, especially in the black community. What happens in the house stays in the house. When you want to talk about something, it's not right now. They shut it down, right? And so, because of that, when you grow up as an adult, you don't even know how to express yourself, you don't even know how to connect to yourself, holds an emotional space for yourself. So your nervous system goes acting a fool, it's acting all over the place. You now you're having panic attacks, yeah, you're having you know different forms, the chest, and the everything, the sweat. So you speak it to me, you speak to me. All these different things. So my battle started with anxiety um when I was a teenager. Okay, but my anxiety was directly tied to my trauma. My every time I would get up to speak in front of the class, I would go into severe attacks. Severe anxiety attacks, like panic. They would have to literally rush me to the hospital.

SPEAKER_02

And physically, because I I suffer from anxiety as well. Physically, it takes a toll on your body. Like I felt like I was dying. I felt like it was a heart attack. And people around you are not really aware. They think you may be exaggerating, right? But it really, anxiety would really have you feeling like this ain't it.

SPEAKER_03

This ain't this like something is seriously wrong. Something is seriously wrong. I I think I don't like the way society has made anxiety normal. Yeah. Like they try to tell you this is normal behavior. Nothing about your nervous system acting up is normal is wrong. I mean, it's is wrong. It's definitely wrong. Something is wrong with you. Right. And so I was placed on medication. You know, I was on medication up until probably like my early 20s. Um I tried to overdose on that medication, you know, through a domestic um dispute with my daughter's father. Um but when I went into my healing process, I realized, oh, you have anxiety because of your trauma. The power of voice, the power of speaking. Remember, I said every time they would call me up to speak, that's when I was and so that resulted as a five-year-old being molested and telling for the very first time and getting in trouble.

SPEAKER_02

So you you just you just opened up the door to you just opened up the door to have the conversation about the trauma, because I think that is so important, you know, because because you were silenced and now it was time to speak, and you got um, you you were shunned because you spoke led to it triggering the anxiety because now it's time to speak. You know what I'm saying? That connection right there, that is deep. You know what I'm saying? And that is truly deep. Now, but back to that let's go to the trauma part because there are a lot of women, kids who don't speak out. Right. Right. How we're okay, just tell tell us a little bit about your story. Let's let's start there. Your trauma.

SPEAKER_03

So from age five to 12, I was molested. Um, two male cousins, one female cousin. Um, I was raped in my early 20s, and I went through a lot of domestic abuse. So my trauma, my anxiety came as a result of being molested. So when I was molested for the very first time, I told. I didn't tell right off the bat, um, my cousin was in the bathroom. You know, and your kids, you know, go in the bathroom, you know, close the shower with her and go. Yeah. And I didn't want to go. And my mom was like, What's what's going on? What's going on? And I literally had to go to the bathroom. You know, you're a kid, you auntie, you're moving all around. And she's like, just go to the bathroom. And I'm like, no. And I finally told. So when I did not tell my auntie, I got in trouble. My auntie was my cousin's mom. So I got a whooping for it. So from that point on, I never said anything. So I was repeated molest, um, molested repeatedly repeatedly. That whole time, I never said anything else. So even when I got raped, I didn't say anything. Because you gotta understand when you're dealing with trauma, how it shuts you down. I didn't know the power of my voice. I know it now as a result of healing. Right. But my voice was shut down. At that time, my inner confidence was shut down. No one wants to hear me, no one is going to protect me.

SPEAKER_02

So, right there, so that part for trauma victims, I mean, because the world really don't understand. And it's always um, even now, we see it in the celebrity form, right? When someone comes out and speaks, it's always, oh, well, what does she do to cause or that me too thing? Or but for someone who actually been through it, take, take us down like how it really makes you shut down. Because you really feel like you couldn't talk to anybody. If my mama don't believe me, what makes what makes me think this teacher is gonna believe me? What's gonna happen if I go to the like that fear really handicapped you into really advocating for yourself? It paralyzes you. It paralyzes you, and the world don't understand that. And then the victim becomes the blame and the bit. It's just like I can't believe that we are just so inhuman to believe or to to to pound on or to like throw, throw blades at someone who already went through these things and not believe. You know what I mean? I can never imagine my child telling me these things and me just shutting her down.

SPEAKER_03

Well, you have to consider the generations and the time. Okay, right? Yeah. That generation went through the same thing that I went through. They were never taught how to handle situations, right? As black women, we're not really taught how to handle anything.

SPEAKER_02

We're taught to get dressed up, be quiet, smile on your quiet, turn on your music and keep it going.

SPEAKER_03

So sweep everything under the rug. So no one is equipped as we are equipped now.

SPEAKER_02

Right. It's a generational thing, it's a generational thing.

SPEAKER_03

If you really start asking questions down your family line, it is a generational thing. And so once you understand that, so I switched it from why me? Why am I going through all of this? Why all of this keeps happening to me to feeling empowered through my healing saying, Why not me? Yeah, I'm the one to change the cycle, I'm the one to break the cycle. Yes. In that, that's when I found the power of my voice. So this is not gonna happen to my kids, and they're 30 and 32 now. Yeah. So it didn't happen to them because of open communication, because of saying, hey, um, no, you're not gonna stay the night over there. They can come over here, their parents can come and investigate, do what they need to do. But educating them and saying, hey, this happened to me as a child, and I want you guys to be aware that if anybody, I don't care who it is, I don't care if it's your daddy, your brother, your sister, your cousin, I don't care who it is, right? You come and tell me, and I will be there to support you in. We're gonna take care of the situation.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, we're gonna take care of the situation. So and I love how you look at it in that light. Like you were, you had to go through that to make that change. Yes. We're gonna change this narrative. Um how do we get to that point on a grander scale?

SPEAKER_03

Changing the narrative.

SPEAKER_02

Changing the narrative.

SPEAKER_03

Was one person changing themselves first? You can't change someone else if you're not the change. I always say be the change you want to see. And so it's the community thing. It starts with you, starts in your household, then it starts with the neighbor down the street, and so forth. But it has to be a like-minded thing. We have to become aware of what's going on around us. Just because you see a person and they look up to part doesn't mean that they don't have experience behind that door. And so we have to learn how to show grace and compassion and empathy to people. Yeah, you know, but that requires you being present in the moment and what's going on around you and also being aware of yourself.

SPEAKER_06

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

So I think that's how it starts to change. Um, but healing is the root of it all, that's the root and the foundation of it all. If you are unwilling to heal, then you're not gonna see change. Right. You're gonna continue to repeat the cycles, you're not gonna create new neural pathways because you just aren't aware. Some people, in my line of work, some people have a hard time remembering their trauma because they're suppressing it. And it's yeah, and so they can't remember it.

SPEAKER_02

I was like that at one point. I was I was like that at one point.

SPEAKER_03

And so when I'm like, okay, we need to start meditating so that you can tap in a little bit different on the spiritual side.

SPEAKER_02

And this is why this is so important. Like, I promise, like the healing journey is so beautiful. Like, I love my healing. I and I am I am in a different part of a healing journey right now. But where I've come from, like I love just to be able to see the growth and to see like my thought process now is so different, you know. And I get excited about it because it's like an outer body experience, right? Like even us sitting here just talking about it. This these things get me excited because I know the possibility of how peaceful you can be, the impact that we can make, how good your life can be, how motivated you can be just by fixing these things, you know, just by dealing with the trauma and heal and start the process, start the journey. And it's not, it wasn't easy by far. No, it wasn't. Started, stop, start, it wasn't right. But once once it clicked, it clicked. I had to change my circle. I had to change my environment. Yes, I had to change who I was around every day. I had to change how I was getting up. I had to get a routine in place. You know what I'm saying? Like, once I really started implementing the things that my coaches and my mentors and my therapists were saying, girl, when you start transforming, right?

SPEAKER_03

You can't heal in an environment that broke you. Right. Like, you have to get out of that environment. You have to change everything around you. You have to create new habits. Yes. You know, people, I I don't understand. It's like, why do you keep if if it's hot and you know if you touch the fire, you're gonna get burned. Why do you keep going to that fire? Why do you keep doing that? Comfort. Yep. Comfort. And this is the thing. Most people are addicted to their own thoughts. So some people are addicted to their trauma, the thoughts of the trauma. So you have to think about it. Your body produces chemicals, right? Being addicted to your own thoughts is no different from a person hitting a crack pipe. A drug addiction. It's no different. It's releasing that same chemical. Okay. Most people think the same thoughts every single day. Think about it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah. Even in a positive light, though. Because for me, I literally think the same thoughts every day. How can I, how can I make a change? How can I make this better? How can I improve? You know what I'm saying? Like, even though it's not negatively impacting me, but I see how someone can have the same thoughts every day.

SPEAKER_03

The same thoughts every day. So when you're having the same negative thoughts, what do you think is doing to you internally? Sickness, disease. Yeah. Because when your mind is that, you know, not functioning properly from the chemicals the body is releasing, you're not thinking about your habits. So now you're going to the sugary, the starchy foods, you're putting things in your body that don't serve you. Yeah. But it's all from that chemical.

SPEAKER_02

It's the craving that is coming from that chemical. Chemical reaction. Yes. So it's and that makes so much. This is everything aligns with it. It does.

SPEAKER_03

Like it makes so much sense. It does. This is why they tell you, like, a person that's on drug don't give them candy. Yes. So, but what do people do when they're sad and depressed? They go to food. Sweet, sweet sweet things.

SPEAKER_02

So when someone is starting their healing journey, do you do you deal with um, do you have clients that are just starting their healing process? Okay. Yes. So what does it look like when someone who is fighting that for you on your side? Because I know it looked like for me on my side. Um, I would I would just ghost in my uh coaches. Like I wouldn't respond. Because I wasn't ready to do it, I wasn't ready to face me. But she didn't give up, you know? Um, what does it look like on your side? On my side.

SPEAKER_03

So this is my purpose. Okay. I can do this in my sleep. Okay. I don't have to ask a person about their trauma. I can see when I look at them.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

So it's very easy for me to get a person to open up about their trauma.

SPEAKER_02

I could I could get that from you. Like, it's a good thing. Okay, look, let me sign up.

SPEAKER_03

I get that though. I get that from you. But it comes through sharing my story. Yes, yes. From a place of power, not from a place of pain. Okay, okay. And then when they interact when they really start interacting with me, they see it. This woman is exactly who she says she is.

SPEAKER_02

That's that trust building in fact. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

I've had just one of my clients, she was here, supposed to be here for three days from New York. She met me. We had a conversation. She was like, I don't know, but there's something about you. And I'm like, mm-hmm. And she said, Well, let's just do one session. Okay, no problem, but you're gonna pay for that one session. You're gonna pay for that one session, right? So I met her and I saw it all. And I asked certain questions, I could tell she didn't hold any emotional space for herself because of the trauma. She was totally detached, you know. But I just showed up as me. Yeah. You know, we're two different races, you know, so that was different for her. But I just showed up as me, and I took my time with her, and it because she deflects so much, it takes a lot of patience. So because I'm spiritually led in what I do, I don't enter into the session alone. I enter with my higher consciousness, my God self, right? And so, even in the guidance on how I'm leading them, it's all divine leading. It's all divine. Yes, yes, it's and so I'm very patient with them and I have compassion because I know what that looks like. Yes, I know what the battle of trauma, not wanting to deal with it. I know how it sounds, I know how it walks in the room. I know it.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, you know, that is I I love when I can see the true calling of someone. Um, and especially like you said, you can do that in your sleep to get to that level of expert in whatever industry you you're in is a real blessing, and it also shows that when you're walking in your true purpose and you're obedient to your calling, it's gonna come naturally. You know, like of course you have to you have to go to school, you have to fine-tune your skill set always, like we're always learning, but to just to naturally walk into why you were created to do this and knowing it because of what you've been through, that right there is what what makes all the difference to me. It does when someone is helping someone, it makes all it comes full circle, you know. When you're going through the trauma, the abuse, um for me, it was um childhood obesity, it was daddy. Issues. It was, and that led to a toxic marriage, and that led to me getting up to 600 pounds. And it just was so many things. And I was asking God why me.

SPEAKER_04

You know?

SPEAKER_02

But now that I'm in the space that I've healed and healing, and I can step in and I can do well, he put you through this single motherhood with three kids, almost going to foreclosure, going up through a toxic divorce, and still trying to build a business successfully. So you can show another mom how to do that. And it clicked when I started doing this. When I started helping mompreneurs, because I know what it feels like to have a dream. Oh, come on. And not to have any backing. Come on. Not to have any support. Come on. Not to have the resources. I know what it feels like. Just your faith. Just your faith. And knowing that this is what I'm supposed to do. I know what it feels like. Yep. But I didn't have that person to say, Tammy, keep going. Of course my mother was there. She's gonna support anything I do. But we come from, like you said, that generation, they were laborers. They didn't know how to dream, quote unquote, like how we do. Yes. They weren't entrepreneurs. They didn't, they don't, they clock in, clock out. Nothing wrong with it. But I didn't have that person to say, I see your vision, I see your dream. And by me having to go through that, by still building this dream, it's like, okay, now what I'm gonna do with this. Now, and I and I met a young lady, my very first client ever. I met a young lady and was starting businesses, stop a business. And I'm like, girl, like you have children. My whole mission is to help women understand that you can show up as a mom and be flexible and create your own time, but you gotta build something. You gotta build something. So I just love to see that. Yes, I love to see when you can walk in your purpose and you are. I I love that. Like it takes it it's not easy.

SPEAKER_03

It's not right, it's you know, it's another level of heart for right now. And so I started out in cosmetology. Okay. I did hair for 18 years. Okay. 16 of those 18. I did training, but through it all, I was coaching.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I was doing what I do now.

SPEAKER_02

But you were, you didn't, you weren't doing it at this level. You right. Every hairstylist is a therapist. Hey, let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_03

Let me tell you something. Um, and my clients at that time, they would be like, You're so young, but you're so wise. How do you get all this wisdom? And it was just because I was tuning in beyond everything that I was hearing and that I was seeing. Yes. You know, um, I grew up in the church, but I also felt like there's something deeper to this than what y'all preaching about. It's some other stuff to this, and we really need to get spiritually connected and not religiously connected. Yes. And so, yeah. And my my healing afforded me that. Okay. It afforded me the ability to tackle those limits and beliefs, to tackle those things that we were taught. Because you know, we were, I don't know about you, but we were taught meditation was a bad thing. You're worshiping with the witchcraft.

SPEAKER_02

That's what that's what I was taught. It was witchcraft, and I've heard a lot of things. It's a lot of things, right?

SPEAKER_03

But when you quiet yourself, that's the only way you can hear a higher consciousness. The only way consciousness speaks to you. Prayer is a form of it. Like, prayer, right? So you're praying, but then also you have to be quiet to hear guidance. You can't pray yourself through the guidance. No, you got to hear it. Hear it, you got to get quiet.

SPEAKER_02

This is why that is an individual journey. That is a personal journey. Yes. It's more than just us going into the house of the Lord. It's more than just us congregating together and talking about it and preaching. This that is personal. When you are behind closed doors and you drop to your knees and you're just quiet and you're just sitting with you and him. Yes. That's when it uh that's when it connected for me. And it's daily. It's not. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Let me do it this month and not do it next month and every week.

SPEAKER_02

Um I was watching, I was watching a video by um Pastor Mike in Rock City. Do you are you familiar with Pastor Mike? He's a pastor in Alabama. I think I know. Does he sing too? Okay, yeah. So it was one of his sermons, and he said, um, you can't just do no drive-by, hey God with him. He was like, if a man come in your life and he just drives by and say, Hey, how you doing? You don't hear from him in two weeks, what you gonna tell that man? You ain't gonna exactly like God don't want to hear. So when you said that, that's what it reminded me of.

SPEAKER_03

Like, no, it is a daily thing, consistency, build that relationship. And sometimes it's several times a day, depending on what your life looks like. Absolutely, you know, absolutely, and depending on what your purpose looks like, absolutely, you know, because when you're walking in purpose, it's wherever you go. Wherever you go, it ain't just when you show up with a client, it's wherever you go. If you walk into the gym, you walking in your purpose because somebody's gonna cross your path that you're gonna have to say, hey, yep, how you doing? Absolutely, you know, absolutely. So it's it's it's a daily thing.

SPEAKER_02

Um a daily thing. And so I I took on um well, I took a new journey with the kids. Okay, where I decided to read the Bible from the very beginning with them.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Now I'd never read, I've never read the Bible from the front to the back. I'll pick out scriptures, yes, I'll get them from whatever I'm going through. I'll ask Google, what's the scripture about X, Y, and Z. But this is the first time I said, no, we're gonna read from the front to the back. Because I kept hearing about their stories in the Bible, stories in the Bible. So when I was picking out, I started reading Proverbs and I started reading Psalms. I'm like, yo, there's actual stories about people sinning and people like so our even even my thought process prior to me um um tightening my faith, my thought process about it was different, you know. Um so I had to get into that and learn. I said, no, I want my children to learn this early on. I want to change that for them so that way they have the tools that they need when they're feeling like, oh, I can't come to mom or I can't come to somebody else. So you can always go to him.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Changing that because I felt like I didn't have that, you know.

SPEAKER_03

I think that's a good thing to instill um spirituality into your children. Um, I did the same thing, meaning I did it differently. We didn't sit down and read the Bible together. I pretty much read it on my own. Um, I gave them scriptures to read, you know. I gave them, huh? You need to read this, get your attitude together. Check it. Especially that 32-year-old, that son of mine. Yo, I can't believe it.

SPEAKER_02

She got a 32-year-old. Listen, let me tell y'all, she over here looking good somewhere. She got a 32-year-old. Look at listen, I just had to throw that and give you flowers for that.

SPEAKER_03

You are going to give you. Thank you. Thank you. Take care of yourself. Yes. Take care of yourself. I'm gonna tell you this, and this is why I tell people when you're going through your process of healing, you want to come out with some stuff. You don't just want to go through healing, just be talking about you going through healing. You want the makeover, you want to full. And so one of my side of one of my I one of my things, if I'm going to go through this, keep me youthful. Yes. And I don't want any residue. So at that time, we called it residue. We didn't call it triggers. Okay. I don't want any residue of my experiences on my life. Just wash it away. Wash it away, and it keep me youthful. So that has been my thing. Of course, I take care of myself, but that I feel like God really honored that with me. Okay. Like, literally. Because even when I tell my story, people are like, what? You've been through all of that. And you don't even, you don't can't even tell. Even people I went to school with, yeah. They're like, you we didn't know. I know.

SPEAKER_02

What are what are what are some of the things that you do to to keep you in that youthful mindset? What were some things that you do?

SPEAKER_03

I I like the playground. Like the the playground. Yes, okay. Yes, yes, the weather done kept me inside. But but I love I love to go swing. Okay. I I do a lot of grounding. We're walking outside bath feet. I do tree hugging. I love the ocean. I sit in the sun certain times of the day when the weather permits. You like to take it off. I take it spiritual. It's spiritual. It's spiritual. Um, of course, I'm up 3:30, 4 a.m. and I'm I work out every day. Not every day, but at least three to four times a week, depending on the week. So that's just my lifestyle. I am very conscious about what I eat. Now, do I eat hot wings? Do I eat pizza? Yes, I do. Yes, I do, but I'm very conscious about what I eat. It's not something that I'm eating every week, every day, yeah, anything like that. So that then my meditation, I I literally, people, I'm I that is what keeps me in peace. Nice, nice.

SPEAKER_02

I I like the fact that you um you said, do I eat hot wings? Do I eat pizza? Yeah, because um even for someone who is on that journey, of course it take that's a healing process too, uh a form of healing. Um, we think we gotta be so hard and so strict. Is that the quickest way, um, in reference to triggers and trauma by trying to do it all at once? Is that the quickest way to revert back to that when you're dealing with someone who had suffered from past traumas?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Listen, I tell people, I my clients, she hates when I say this. You you don't grab a whole piece and just put it in your mouth. Yeah. You take one slice, right? But out of that slice, you take a bite, a bite, a bite at a time. Same thing with your healing. Yeah. You take a bite at a time, step by step, one foot in front of the other. Should you always be healing? No. Really? You should I I don't believe you should always be healing. Okay. I feel like come outside and let's see if your healing has worked for you. Okay, so you experience this. Do it in semester. Yes, but let's let's go and see if it works. Let's see if that really works. That makes sense. Because how do you know if you healed if you do if if you always in a healing process? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

People can get stuck in that process because at one point, like I felt myself going down a rabbit hole of healing. Like I wanted to read all the books and I wanted to watch all the shows and I wanted to meditate. And it was like, I'm not talking to no one. I am for like I was going down a rabbit hole. Like, and and I and I get and I did, I did uh not relapse in in a way where it affected me, but um it was one point where I stopped doing work because I was just so tired and I just wanted to lay and relax. And I don't I don't know if it was going into a depression, um, but it was just okay, yeah, I did need that break. Did I stop? No. I just found another way to to deal with it or to do it. But I I can see why we would need a break from healing, yes.

SPEAKER_03

You do, you need a break from healing, and I hate I hate this is another conversation that when you're healing so that you don't have triggers, you gotta have to heal the details of the trauma.

SPEAKER_02

Heal the details of the trauma.

SPEAKER_03

So, meaning the experiences. Okay. What were they? Recall them. How did that feel? All of them. In each one, in each one. Okay. Recall back how did it happen? I don't know how much I could say on this podcast.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, yeah, you can't.

SPEAKER_03

But I'm gonna use me for example, right? How did it happen? Okay, you were laying in a bed, he came up to you, he pulled your pants. That's what I'm talking about. The details, the experience. What do you remember about it? What did he say to you? Because all of that has come a part of your vibrational being. It is a part of the programming of how you're responding to life. So you have to this is what I say, we you have to heal the details, and this is part of what I do. I help them identify and heal those details because that's the only way that you're not gonna have the triggers.

SPEAKER_02

So when you're breaking down the details with a client, is it a specific thing that's normally the trigger? Like it wasn't the so if we're saying, okay, he would come in the room, he would shut the door, he would, but it's like all of that is fine until the moment they felt a breath on the neck, or the moment they heard the baritone, or the more the is it a specific thing that is normally connected to it, or is it just the sequence? The sequence of it all.

SPEAKER_03

The sequence of it all. I think I don't like surface level healing. I'm gonna say it like that. Because we have a lot of people that have done surface level healing, those are the same people that say, oh, that's a trigger for me.

SPEAKER_02

Because if it was healed, then you would no longer have no longer have the trigger. Okay, I got some healing.

SPEAKER_03

You would no longer have the trigger. I don't care what people say in my experience and in the experience of my clients. Yes. When you heal, there's no trigger. There's no trigger. There's no trigger. Right. You may have a memory of it, but that memory no longer affects the way you show up. Right. The way you interact. I used to be one of the people, I don't like people, I am gone because I don't like nobody. I used to be one of them people. Now it's like, hey, how you doing? Yes. And people looking at me like, you know.

SPEAKER_02

You really just unlock something in my mind. You made me aware of something. So I'm going to say thank you. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02

You made me aware of something. Um, because I I say that not a lot, but with a few things, I say, I can't do that. That's that's gonna trigger me. That's triggering. I still say that to this day. So that means I still have work to do. I still have work to do. You're part of your vibration.

SPEAKER_03

And so when you when you don't have it, it doesn't bother you.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. It does it now. I could differentiate between because some things are, you know what? Mm-hmm. Y'all gotta connect with my girl. You gotta connect with my girl. So wait, um, okay, so um, what do we have? Uh what do you have in a lineup for for you this year? Because you are a powerful speaker. Thank you. And I'll say that again. I think the people need to know you're powerful. And when I tell y'all, like, when I first saw her, like she just came and she was just so, she was so small, and like, but when she started speaking, I'm like, she commanded like the room. And I'm like, wow, wow. That's the result of healing. The result of healing, the result of healing. She the sister kicked up her shoes, was walking around. I remember, I remember, and you just had me glued, and I'm like, who is she? Wow, who is she? And of course, I'm going to Instagram and look at them. So, what what's on your calendar for this year? Are we doing any speak-ins this year? Are we doing any appearances?

SPEAKER_03

So, I in April we're doing um our Enrich Her, How are you blooming? We're gonna do it in Charlotte. Okay. So that is the quarter two check-in with women who have made their vision boards. Okay, and now they're stuck. They ain't move towards their vision, right? So we're gonna help them get unstuck, move past that whole experience.

SPEAKER_02

Um is that a traveling? That's a traveling um event. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

So we are gonna be in Charlotte for that event. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But you were um what did you the one you just recently sent me? That was Oh, that was here. Here in the yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, the enrich her uh boss up in Bond. Okay. That was so funny. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm coming, I'm I'm coming to one of your events. Like I'm gonna see, that's why I need to know what you got ahead of time so I can put it on my calendar.

SPEAKER_03

Because in August, I'm teaming up with a hypnotherapist. Okay, myself, and um another friend of mine who's a uh doctor, Dr. Daniela, um, the Hillwell Collective. So we're bringing an experience together where we're going through the deprogramming process. We're getting we're gonna take the audience through that, the participants through that experience. Okay. What does it look like to deprogram yourself to get all that old junk out? And then we can help you create. So that's gonna be in August, August, the weekend of the 22nd.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, yes. If you give me the flyers, I will definitely put it on our website and I will put that out for our audience as well.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_02

Um God willing, I will be there because I just um I appreciate the space that you're creating for for um uh I'm gonna say I say women because we're here. Um do you work with men? I do work with men.

SPEAKER_03

Um I'm a little, I don't work with all men. Okay. Um, because I need to know the motive. I need to know the motive. I need to know, I need to know the motive. And so um, if I feel the motive instantly, then I'm gonna refer you to somebody else. I'm not her. Um, okay. Tell her straight. Don't play with me. I am not her. Don't play with me. Right. So I will refer to someone else, but I do work with men.

SPEAKER_02

It is much needed, though. Like this lane is much needed, especially um here in Atlanta, entrepreneurship is big. It is. Everybody got a business, everybody got a brand, everybody's doing this and that. But there is a lot of disconnect because there's not enough healing for them to make it to the next level. In order for you to scale a business, you can try to grow, but it's the difference between hustle, grow, and scale, right? Everybody's just hustling, everybody's hustling, and they don't know where the disconnect is between hustle and grow, actually running your business. And it is mental. It's a mental thing that we why they can't break that barrier. And it comes from trauma, trauma, healing. Why am I why am I so afraid to hire that team? Why am I so afraid? Do I not feel deserving of building a successful business? Am I not good enough? Or even when you make it, because I know we all um suffer from it. I'm not sure if you had to deal with that imposter syndrome. Oh, yeah, right? Yeah, that never goes away. Um, every new idea that comes along, you're thinking, am I the right person to pull this off? That doubt right there that stops us from getting to the next level comes from that trauma. Come from and this is why it is so important. Like what you do is so important, y'all.

SPEAKER_03

Y'all. The stories we tell ourselves. Yes, you know, you get uh you can hear something at five years old on the playground, and that thing sticks to you till you're like four. You don't even need to be able to do it. You don't even realize it's there, and now you're wondering why every time you look around, this reoccurring keeps coming. That's why I was talking about it vibrationally connects with you, it leaves that imprint in you. Because now you're in this relationship and you you feel undervalued, underappreciated because something you heard.

SPEAKER_02

You heard, and you're only meeting the same type of person.

SPEAKER_03

You're only yes, you're reliving the experience. You've created that, you've taken that narrative and and wrote a whole storyline. Yes, yes, and created your characters and you being the main one.

SPEAKER_02

So I speaking of characters, is this what what is the framework of your book?

SPEAKER_03

The behind which one?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so okay, so I thought you only had the one. I have two. Okay, so the one that I see you promoting on your um on your Instagram, the main one. I promote both. Do you? Yeah, look back in the scene.

SPEAKER_03

I have um Through the Pain Our Eyes, Let's Talk. Through the Pain Rise. That's all that's what it is. I'm gonna say the pain wrong. Yeah, that is my story of everything that I went through in detail. And people say it reminds them of Wannie to buy them no more sheets. Okay. Okay. I is very raw, it's very honest, it's very transparent. Um, I but I share my story. I share the details of my story, what I went through, and how did I begin to heal? So I share all of that. And that book was written just it was prophecy for one. Um the I was prophesied at Essence Festival, standing in front of the Marriott on Canal Street in 2007. That I would, I had a story to tell. And I when I was like, child, please call that boy Everything But the Child of God. Tell him no, I ain't writing no book. Are you nuts? That was 2007. I was still in Florida, and then in 2015, God gave me the title. Yes, and I was like, okay, I this means something, I'm not sure. And then right before my 40th birthday, two weeks before my 40th birthday, I heard Higher Consciousness Speech say, now it's time to tell your story. You know what I said? I did, I put it on Facebook.

SPEAKER_02

That ain't enough.

SPEAKER_03

That ain't enough.

SPEAKER_02

And I was like, We said book, not Facebook that part.

SPEAKER_03

And I was like, oh my God, it all came back. Yeah. The prophecy, the title. Yeah. And I started. There you go. And so, and my book was not a healing for me. Because I had already did the work. You were just now testimony to help somebody else. To help somebody else. And God told me you're gonna have to have tough skin because they're coming for you when you write this book.

SPEAKER_02

What were there some things that well, first of all, let me ask you the your family members, are you all still closer to um like now in this day and age or are you I never okay, so family.

SPEAKER_03

One of my cousins that molested me died through my healing process.

SPEAKER_02

Um So you have never even had it, you know.

SPEAKER_03

We've never had the conversation to confront him or no. My other cousin that is still alive, I see him walk up to him, what up, cuz, give him a hug. I'm not getting in the car with him by myself. But if we in the room, then we in a room, we're having a conversation. And people look at me like, cause it's called healing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

It's not.

SPEAKER_02

They look like she can still talk to him.

SPEAKER_03

How to I'm okay. I'm yeah. And then my sister's female cousin that uh molested me, I actually helped her walk through her healing a couple years ago. Really? I helped her to unlock some stuff that she had suppressed. She's a pastor's wife, and she was like, I just need to know why. You know, I and she realized through our conversations that things had been done to her. She never dealt with anything. Look at that. Hurt people, hurt people, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. So good thing I didn't turn my trauma like.

SPEAKER_02

It's just saved, like just saved a part, like, yo. Were people shocked? I guess is my question. Um, after they read the book, and then you went into detail, I'm sure. After they read the book, were they shocked to like know that you really went through all of this?

SPEAKER_03

They were shocked. Um, and then there were people that knew. Okay. Right? So they were. People be knowing but they don't say anything. And so, you know, of course they try to say, well, that ain't true. And then one of the brothers came up and he was like, nah, she ain't lying. Yeah, that's true. That's all true. Um, so then I had people say, Well, why you writing a book now? Why you writing a book about my dad? This ain't about your dad. Right. This is about my experiences and how they are to help other people. Now, if you want to question timing, you gotta go talk to God. I'm just being obedient. Yeah. So I really had to shut up.

SPEAKER_02

But you were prepared for it. I was prepared for it.

SPEAKER_03

But they were they they came. Yeah. Because my book, I changed everybody's name except for mine. I even changed my children's name. So even when my son read the book, he was going back. Who is this? Who she talking about? Like, because he done grew up around some of these people. Like, you know. Yeah. So it was tough for him. It it really was. My daughter stood at his day, won't read it. Okay. She she won't read the book. Did they actually read the my son did? And so my son, he says, now I understand why you were the way you are growing up, why you were so tough on me and tough on us. Like, now I get it. And he's a parent now, so you know he get it. Yeah, he, you know, and then I've always had that spiritual eye, you can call it prophecy, clamvoyance. I see things, I dream things, I hear things.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And so that has always helped me navigate. Okay. And always helped me navigate through my parenting. So I dream something, wake up and a boy.

SPEAKER_02

Quick fast in a hurry. Quick fast in a hurry.

SPEAKER_03

But that that book was solely just to help other people. Okay. I cared less about telling my story. Okay. But I knew my story would empower other people or give other people a voice. So that's why it was written. Okay. So I thought I was one and done. Even when I wrote the second book, it was God was saying to write it. So what's the second book? Behind the scenes of purpose, how to align to your purpose. And so it's a it's about the challenges you face. You know, coping versus dealing is a is a difference. A lot of people coping. Yeah. I say, no, baby, we gotta deal with this stuff so we can stop coping, you know. Um, forgiveness. Yes. So that book goes into more mindset. That book goes into mindset, and actually that book I've created courses from.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Where where is it available? Just available.

SPEAKER_03

It's on my website and it is on Amazon. Okay. But I prefer people to go to delicateisom.com.

SPEAKER_02

Well, that's where I'm gonna go to get it. Deliquisom.com. That's where I'm gonna go to get it.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I I I appreciate you and I appreciate you um just doing what you do, just doing what you do. I think that um in order for us to really get to that next level as women, we have to go out and seek that because everyone's not gonna come to us, right? Like even now, like I well, I'm the type of person, if I if I want something, I'm gonna ask. I'm axed. I'm asked. But the masses is not that way. So it's us, it's up to us, it's our responsibility to go and seek those people, to go and find those people. And that may put us in a place where we never expected to be. Yes. God, why am I here? Yes. I did not, I don't come to strip clubs. Well, how can we get here? You know what I mean? Yes, but you'll be meeting somebody, you're getting up coming across somebody, you'd be amazed. So I think um it is so important that we have those platforms, platforms like this, or we have these events and just sharing like what's going on, you know what I mean? So whatever you have going on, like the huddle is tapped in with you. Thank you, likewise. We will spread the word, share the word, because I mean it's going to take all of us to it's a collaborative effort to reach the people we're supposed to reach, the women, because we can be a powerful force. Come on. We can be a powerful force in breaking down those barriers of jealousy, competition, and especially in our black community, we can be like sis, we gotta get there. And I think I will say that I see some improvement, but I don't see enough.

SPEAKER_03

I'm gonna tell you this to go back to what you said about people not wanting to reach out.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

The day that I got my doctoral degree, the lady pulled me aside, and that's what she said to me. She said, People are afraid to reach out to you, people that need your help. She said, I see that you have the ability, and she started doing this to, and she said, Unlock, unlock, unlock, okay. And she said, but people are afraid to reach out to you. So I think we have to get out of our way. We have to, whatever that is, lay it aside to get the help that we need. I'm like you, if I want something, I'm just gonna ask.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna ask, I'm coming. I'm gonna ask.

SPEAKER_03

That's it's just that simple. What's the worst you can say? No. Somebody else gonna say yes.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. And I think what made me really aware of that recently. So I'm I'm going to a um a conference this weekend, Impact Conference. I'm not sure if you heard of uh Mike Ellis Elliott. She's having a conference here in Atlanta. Um, so I was on one of her calls, and um she had an auditor on there who audits your brand and everything. So um I have a lot of triggers with mini chat. You say a word, they'll um, I'll send you a link and the automation set up. And she was saying, consider this. And this is what made me think about more. I have to go out and get it, go out because everyone's not like you, Tammy, right? People are ashamed, like even if it's something like a free checklist or a free guide to help you or free whatever, people will not comment to get it, knowing they need it, because they don't want to see anyone else see their comment. Oh, she needs that, why she need this, why, but then I'll get a DM and say, hey, what's this about? Or I'm like, but she made me realize some people are that, and and to us, we don't think about, okay, well, it's just a checklist, it's just a freebie, like it's a down. But the amount of embarrassment people feel if they think that they need something, if someone else that they know see that they're coming or inquiring, it's like, oh, I think I thought you had it going on. What you need that for? What that is what keeps people stuck. So this is why I say, okay, she made me realize that people are not always gonna come to you, or even if you it could be right there, they're not gonna grab it. Sometimes you just have to take that piece and put it right on everything and say, here you go.

SPEAKER_03

Here you go. I think it's a place of readiness too with people. I think people have to be really, really ready. I know when people come to me, they have to be ready. And I will send them away if they're not. Yes. Because you're gonna waste your time. I'm not gonna let you waste my time.

SPEAKER_02

What's the step before you if they're not ready? What's the step before you? Do you refer them to somewhere else or do you refer them things to do so they can prepare?

SPEAKER_03

I give them so most people, depending on my first call, most people I'll give them at least three calls.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

And every call, right. You are not right. And these calls are not just 30 minutes. Yeah, I'm listening. You're nice. Yes, because I had somebody say, You crazy. Like, literally, but in each call, I'm giving them homework. So I'm already helping them. From even before they even before they even sign up. They may not even sign up, but what I've given them can help them. I've sown a seed. Yeah, yeah. Somebody else may come water it, somebody else may get the harvest. Yeah, but it has to be a place of readiness, and then it's always this thing of cost. That's always my girl.

SPEAKER_02

And I and I wish we had time to dissect that. You probably got to come back for another show so we can even dissect that. We could probably go live and talk about that. Because the investment in you is necessary. It's necessary. It is necessary. It's necessary. Like the investment in you, I don't know how other way to say it, but the investment in you is so necessary to the point where I have a budget now of how much training a coach is that I'm going to do each year. I put it in my business budget. I need this training, just like how a job would get you any type of customer service training. But no, I need this training from this coach and service or whatever. I have a budget for that because I know the importance of having that mentorship, that coaching. I know the importance of it now.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. I know it. See, we didn't understand it back then. Right. But now when you get a little older, you see the value in it. Right. And is is people's mindset about what's valuable. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

Always back to mindset. Always back to mindset. But we are going to, we are going to do what we need to do to continue to push that narrative in our communities. We're going to continue to push the narratives. And if you ever see me slacking on something, if I ever see you slacking on something, please. Because that's how, that's the only way that we're going to continue to thrive in this community and keep pulling everyone in. And even settings like this, just connecting with more people, connecting with more women, and connecting with you all. Yes. Drop in the comments, what are you going to do to help push that narrative? And if you don't know what to do, reach out to me. Reach out to Doc over here. I mean, because there's something you can do. And it all starts first with that N-word. That N-word mindset mindset. Yes. I enjoyed you being here with me today. I really enjoyed it. Yes. We're going to connect again because it's a lot, a lot more digging. I think there's a lot more conversation that we can have revolving around because mindset is connected to everything. Everything. But again, can you tell us how can they reach you? And then give us one thing you want you want to leave the audience with today.

SPEAKER_03

Never underestimate your power.

SPEAKER_02

Never underestimate your power.

SPEAKER_03

Never underestimate it. I know doubt creeps in, but that doubt creeps in to push you away from your power. But it should expose your power on a deeper level. Because if that doubt is presented, why? Right. What is the question? Why? And it becomes self-reflective to yourself, which creates vulnerability, it can strength, it creates strength for you to grow, for you to evolve, and for you to expand. Which gives birth to a new level of power.

SPEAKER_02

And in order to step into that power, you need to get your mindset right now. So y'all need to go and connect. Yeah, need to go and connect with her, y'all. And I'm so serious. And the reason why I'm just so adamant about it because it clicked when I went on my journey. And it's something that you have to really experience to get really excited, to understand about it. So don't shy away from because she's here. She's here. And I'm so glad that she was able to join us here on the huddle. Thank you. How can they reach you? Because they need you. Somebody's watching right now.

SPEAKER_03

They need you and she needs you. So come and get her. So Facebook, Instagram is my name, Dr. Delaca. Uh D-E-L-I-Q-U-A. Last name is I-S-O-M. My website is the exact same, just make it simple for everybody. It's just my name, DelacaIsom.com. So Instagram, Facebook, D R is in front of Delaca.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you. So yes. Thank you. Well, I truly, truly thank you for coming into the huddle with me. Thank you. Having this conversation. Um, and I truly appreciate y'all for tuning in. Um, if you would like to be a guest on the Monpreneur Huddle podcast, make sure you connect with us at www.thempreneurhuddle.net or just shoot us a DM on Instagram. Also, also, I would not be able to do this if I did not shout out our sponsor, Leeche Capri, the official sponsor of the Mompreneur Huddle Podcast. Make sure you check them out and use the code HUDLE for a special discount on your order at LeecheCapri.com. You should see the email address right here on the screen. Also, if you are looking for a community, a mom community mentorship, if you don't know where to start right now, you can definitely still lock in a clarity call session with myself. 60 minutes laser focused on helping you to get on track with what you need to be doing next in life, business, family, whatever it is that you need. But um get into that session. Um but we're gonna go ahead and we're gonna wrap this episode up. Um, it was truly a pro truly a pleasure. I'm sorry I'm getting tongue tied over here. Um, but as always, Mompreneurs, crowns on, chins up, and you make sure you rock your week. Until next time. Thank you.

unknown

Bye bye.