Ep 33: When to Walk Away From Family (And Why It’s Not Selfish) ft. Adrienne Alexander

In this episode of The Mompreneur Huddle Podcast, featuring Adrienne Alexander, President of BPRS Atlanta, Founder of IPI Agency, published author, conflict management specialist, and advocate for kinship care, we have an honest conversation about when to walk away from family and why it’s not selfish.

Many moms struggle with the guilt of walking away from family, especially when addiction, dysfunction, or emotional instability is involved. You are often taught to stay loyal, keep trying, and hold everything together, even when it is slowly draining you.

We break down how to recognize when helping has turned into self-destruction, why choosing peace is necessary, and how to honor people without destroying yourself. Adrienne shares her personal story of being raised in kinship care, parenting a parent, and the moment she realized that trying to save someone else was costing her everything.

We also talk about:

Setting healthy boundaries with family while still honoring them
The emotional toll o caregiver and kinship care relationships

Conflict resolution tools that protect relationships instead of escalating them

Using I statements to communicate without blame

How moms can protect their peace while building a business and raising children

If you have ever felt torn between love and survival, this episode will help you see the situation clearly and give you permission to choose peace without guilt.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to another episode of the Mom Panora Huddle Podcast where motherhood and entrepreneurship meet and we talk about everything in between.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Girl, you still boss, Mom. Baby girl, you still worth it, girl. You the boss, mom.

unknown 0:17

Making everything worth it, girl. You the boss, mom.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Stand on all of your business, and when it comes to investment, the baby girl, you the red, girl, you the boss, mom. I like that right there.

unknown 0:28

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Today I have the wonderful, the amazing, the phenomenal, Miss Adrienne Alexander. Y'all, let me tell you about her real quick. Okay, so she is the president of BPRS Atlanta, the founder of IPY Agency, a published author. Okay, and a true advocate for kinship care. Adrien is also a conflict management management specialist and educator, helping leaders and entrepreneurs navigate the tough conversation that often comes with growth. That's a big one. I love that. I love that. Listen, I love what you do. You do a lot. That was amazing. That was a lot. It was welcome to the huddle. Thank you so much. I'm excited to be here. Thank you for having me. No problem. No problem. Listen, I had to I had to have you after meeting you for the first time. I said, girl, come on in. When are you coming? When are you coming on down? You got that Maryland vibe. Listen, listen. And we do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

All us up north people.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Gotta stick together. Gotta stick together. Yes. Well, tell our audience a little bit more about you.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Yeah, so I am. I mean, how do you beat that though? I I am the owner of IPY Agency Public Relations. We are a full service public relations company. I've been doing PR for over 20 years. I love communication. Yes. I love connecting. I love networking. And that was how I kind of pivoted and transitioned into the conflict resolution and conflict management. Okay. A lot that comes with PR is conflict. Yes. Avoiding conflict, fixing conflict. And so actually, I was in college when I was getting my degree for PR. One of my professors was my first introduction to conflict management because I had no idea that that was a thing, right? Okay. And so decided to go get my certifications for that. And then also, as you said, kinship care advocate. I um, you know, a lot of people are in the world of kinship care but have never actually heard the term. I was about to say, break it down from a lot of people. Yeah, so you know, a lot of people are in kinship care relationships and situations, and they just know that they are taking care of someone who is not biologically their own, whether it be a niece, a nephew, a brother, sister. Those are kinship care relationships. So myself, I was raised by my grandmother. Okay. And being raised by my grandmother, you know, at that time it wasn't kinship care, it was just like I'm just taking care of my grandbaby. You know what I mean? It's like they you just roll out, the parents roll out one day, no conversation, no adoption paperwork, no paperwork most of the times, especially. I mean, I'm over 50. So there was no paperwork conversations. It was just like you raising this child for whatever the reason.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Yeah. And so now is that what happened with you? They just rolled out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Well, so both of my parents struggled with alcoholism and addiction.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

And so it was just a rollout because, you know, I was safe with my grandparents. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

How old were you when it happened?

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Oh, I was always raised by my grandparents. I never lived with my parents.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Yeah, it was always. I visited my mom.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

Uh my dad would live with us at whatever part in his addiction and wherever he was in his journey, he might come live with us. But I never lived in the household with my parents.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Okay. You are you the only child?

SPEAKER_02 3:57

No, I have a brother.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

I have a brother. So my brother lived with my mom.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

He's I he's he's about twelve years younger than I am. And so, yeah, so he has a different relationship with our mom than I did. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah. Okay. That is very interesting. And I say that because you know, like um how we grow up affects the things that we do when we're adults, right? Sometimes we have unhealed wounds, sometimes we have, well, not sometimes, but definitely we have issues or some things that we need to address in our adult stages by understanding and knowing that now, right? Because everyone fight a demon in some kind of way, shape, or form, right? Because those are demons. Yeah. We understand that as adult ages. How do you see it affecting you as a mom when because I know that had to be a hard decision for her, no matter what she was dealing with, your parents both, you know what I mean? Like that had to be a hard decision for her to say, okay, I need to have someone else raise you.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

I don't know if it was. You don't think so. Because honestly, because I went through the same thing with my brother.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

And so, you know, it's like that's what I'm saying, like these kinship care generations, sometimes it just keeps going. It's like this vicious circle. Yeah. Um, but as my mom, as I got older, I went to my mom at one point and was like, you know, let me take my brother, because they had situations happening in a home, somebody had overdosed, you know, like there would I would come visit, and my brother would be somewhere else, and my mom, you know, like would just yell out over the banister to kind of see where he was. And when I asked her to let him come stay with me, she said no. Oh, yeah. She was like, you know, that's still my son, you know. And so luckily, my stepfather, her husband at the time, had to wear with all the because he was coming to visit me on the weekends anyway.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

So he would come to my house on the weekends, and so his dad was just like, you know, you go ahead and let him stay. I'll take care of your mother. I'll handle that conversation with your mom. But I say that to say, you know, as adults, as parents, as people who are in a certain position or situation, that doesn't go away. Because even when my mom came to stay with me for a minute, because I after he, after my stepdad passed away, uh, I had her come stay with me for a little while. And so she went into a treatment facility. And you know, she got herself clean for a little bit. But it was still like, I'm your mother, you know, you don't talk to me a certain kind of way, or she felt like in my house she was supposed to be in charge because she was the mom. So, you know, it's it is like you said, it's like a different relationship, it's just a different scenario and a different mindset that you have to look at when people are dealing with things. So it's like even though they're in deep in addiction or whatever their struggle is, they still want the respect and still want you to treat them as if you know they are the person with the title and the label that they're supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Hey, Mon Penores, if you enjoy creating content, talking about products, and you want to make some money while doing it, listen up. I'm excited to share that we are in partnership with Pharmacy, a beauty brand and wellness brand that is global, that's innovative and built for women like us. Here's why this opportunity is so powerful. You earn 50% commission from day one. Yes, day one, your sales equals your success. The products are high performing and affordable, which makes them easy to promote and easy to use. You'll have access to trainings, support, and proven systems that makes growing simple. And you can build your business locally or globally. It's up to you. If you're ready to turn your influence into real income and impact, make sure you click the link below to understand how you can join my team of women, boss moms, mompreneurs who's adding those strings of income by joining pharmacy. I'll see you on the other side. And you know what I find hard, um, not hard, but what I find interesting enough, and I was watching Pastor Mike do a sermon recently, and he mentioned honor thy father and thy mother. That's in the Bible. It doesn't matter what they're doing, it doesn't matter what happened, that it's still your mother. You can honor them and love them from afar, you can honor them, but we won't like dishonor them in any any kind of way. Like whatever respect we gotta get from afar, whatever. And I was just like, it made me look at it at a different perspective because this generation is just all over the place with that word respect when it comes to parents, right? Because I know my mother, she um she struggled with an addiction for a while, and I was mad at her for a very long time at one point. But as I got older, it was like, okay, I'm gonna love her through her pain and whatever she was dealing with, you know what I mean? Because she's still my mom at the end of the day, but I know how to set a boundary, a respectful boundary. So I find that interesting. How has it affected you as a mom? Because you're you're a mom now.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

I am and so I was gonna say, I I did a video maybe may have been about three or four years ago, because it's it's funny that people will always say that people always like respect your parents no matter what. But we all need to understand that parents are human before they are parents, of course, and so if anybody is being more of a detriment to your life than they are, or or a hindrance in your life than they are anything positive or or adding anything to it, you have the right to be able to say, I'm not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Now, you don't, it's not to say that you be disrespectful or that you, you know, like wish them ill or anything like that. However, and I say this because I had to do it. Yeah, so a healthy boundary, yeah, but it it was more than a boundary. Okay, it was more than a boundary for me. It was a I have to let you go. Okay, okay, because um, you know, when you get to a certain age dealing with parents, sometimes you have to start parenting your parent, depending on where they are in their life, right? And so I found myself parenting my mom, or at least trying to. I was trying to parent my mom, and it was taking a toll on me, especially from down here, because you know, like you said, we're from Baltimore, we're from Maryland, and so I'm trying to parent my mom from Georgia, right? And so I'm involving other people, and even though my brother was there, it's still, even though they had a different my I my mom loved my brother. Not to say that she did not love me, but my brother, oh my gosh, she loved my brother. And so, you know, it's like when I was trying to get her to move to Georgia, it would always be like, if he coming down, you know, is he gonna come down? Like he's gonna so everything that I would ask her would have to involve him. And so when we got to, and she would always disappear. Like my mom would always disappear and just show back up like nothing happened. Uh, and I when I say disappear, I mean like you can't reach her by the phone, you know, you know, and so like when you do reach her, she'd be like, My phone was dead. And I'm like, Ma, your phone was dead for two months. Like, and so this would this went on forever. Like I said, I'm parenting my parents, I'm parenting my mom. During COVID, she had disappeared for a good while. And I'm asking my brother, I'm like, have you gone by there? Like, do you know where she is? She's not answering the phone. And um, you know, it's it wasn't, it didn't seem like it was as important for him to find her as it was for me. However, he, you know, he and I would have some disagreements about that. But so anyway, um finally got him to go by and check. And I'm I'm like involving my friends that's still in Maryland. I'm asking, you know, they like, no, just do a welfare check. Yeah. And so eventually we found her, or he found her at the Veterans Hospital. Like I said, it's during COVID. And so you can't go in.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Can't go in, you can't, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

And so they were able, you know, like we found a nurse's station or whatever, and and told them to tell my mom to call me. Like I said, at this time, it's it's been a few months, right? And so when she calls me, I'm like boohoo and tame. I'm like, oh my god, mom, like, where you at? Why you ain't talking about? You in the hospital? Yeah. You're like, what's going on? She's like, oh, Adrian, you sound like a little bit upset.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

I'm gonna call you when you so she didn't even understand the dynamic behind not hearing the worry, just and especially at that state of the world, like we didn't know what was going on with COVID.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

And so that response was my wake-up call. Okay. That response was like, she don't want to be helped.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

You know, she don't want to be parented, she don't want to be helped, she does not want to be reprimanded, she does not, and so it was that I made a video, the video that I referenced a little earlier. I I sat in my car and I cried. And I was just like, sometimes you have to let people go.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Regardless of who they are. You know what I mean? And that was more than a boundary for me. That was it was a a loosening.

SPEAKER_04 13:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

It was a freedom.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Because I I put so much emphasis on trying to save my mom when saving her.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

You were losing yourself.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

I was losing. Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

And so to back to your question about how it affected me as a mom, you know, I just I make sure every conversation with my children and my grandchildren that they know I love them. Yeah. That, you know, I'm available to you, that, you know, like if you need me, call me. If you want to talk to me about stuff that I don't want to hear about, or that might be TMI, we can talk about it. But, you know, like I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

Yeah. Yeah. I see how that can lead you to be a strong kinship care advocate and wanting to do something in that area. Because I mean, we all we all been there. I well, I don't I can't say we all, but in some way, shape, or form, growing up, and I know at least for me, like I was raised by my my grandmother. We were just talking about fancy. We were just talking about that not too long ago. Um, how my grandmother raised me because I'm I'm her caretaker now. Okay. Um but she raised me to a certain extent because I'm an army brat, and both of my parents were away at the army, overseas at one point. So, you know, and at some point in time, like we never know when we may have to take on that same responsibility.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

So, how do you help um people? How do you do you train people how to take over that guardianship, or do they do they um achieve guardianship through that process, or like because you said it was no paperwork, none of that was just here.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

And so um I did, I wrote a book, it's called The Accidental Parent, Nurturing Love and Unforeseen Certainity.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

The accidental parent.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Yes, and so when I first made that title, and that's what everybody, but people say the title like that's a good title.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

That's a real good title. Because you could be 26, not pregnant, and then oh, now you got a 12-year-old. Like, correct.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Absolutely. I like that, and so it does talk through that process of because kinship care is one, like when we talk about caregiving, yeah, and you talk about caregivers, people instantly think of older individuals or individuals with a disability, or they may not be able to care for themselves, you know, it's like, but they don't talk about kinship care. And to that, kinship care is one of the only relationships where you don't get benefits for it. There are probably only, yes, it's probably only about pipings or anything? Nothing. Maybe two or three. Last time I checked, I think it was about three states that have official kinship care benefits. Wow. Now they may have a kinship care office that will offer you resources, but they ain't helping you. Not even no food stamps and nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Even for me, you know, like I applied because I'm like, hey, you know, like I have my granddaughter. Yeah. So, like, what y'all gonna give me as a kinship care person? What am I eligible for? And it's like, you ain't eligible for nothing. It's like you apply just like anybody else, and if your income is over a certain extent, uh you ain't getting nothing. Yeah, wow, and so through that book, I also I talk to people in this book to say, you know, like these are resources available for you, but also how do you put yourself first? Yeah, how do you care? Because yes, because you are now caring for somebody, like for me, my husband and I, like I said, at that time we were over 40. I'm almost 50 now, but at that time, good. Well, thank you so much. Come on. But we've had my our granddaughter so she turned one, and you know, not not ashamed of it at all, but my granddaughter turned one in February of 2020, and my daughter, her mom, turned herself into prison September of 2020. So we've had her, well, excuse me, 2021. She was born in September. Yeah, so she turned one February 2021. My daughter turned herself in September 2021. So we've had her full-time since then. Okay. My children at the time were what 28, 25, grown grown.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Grown, yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Yes, so it was like my son, my youngest son, had graduated high school the year before. So I was like, good, no more waking up. I ain't gotta worry about no parent teacher meetings. I don't have to do nothing. Wait a minute, hold up, pump your breaks. Not only that, it was like I went back from nothing to change and pampered.

SPEAKER_04 17:51

Like, what?

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Yes, yes. So, yeah, so that was so it was definitely about how to pivot.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Real time when it comes to, you know, like for me, I was in this place where I was like, okay, I'm gonna be able to travel freely, build my business, you know, work more on my brand and everything that I'm doing. My husband was like, okay, we're good. We ain't gotta worry about anything. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Because that can be a major conflict in a marriage. That can be a major conflict. I love that he supported you through that. I have a I have a well, this is a two-part question. Because you are still building your business and you have the PR company and you're um, I don't know if you have plans on writing any more books, but you still have your life, right? Yeah how do you see the Adrian 20 years ago versus now, like when you had your children and raising them versus now? Because they say when you're older, you have more patience. When you're older, you you probably yeah, she made a face, y'all. I'm like, that is patience.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

I was with you until you said patience, but I'm gonna answer it, okay?

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Because they say when you're older, um, because every child gets a different version of you, right? Because you grow, you learn, you evolve. And now that you've matured and you're starting your business, how has that changed you and how do you see the big the biggest difference that you see? And then also how is this affecting how you show up for your business?

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Yeah, so that is a great question because I I think that Ava has the absolute best. I mean, so when you think about 20 years ago when I was raising children, I was raising myself as well. You know what I mean? Because I um I was laughing because the day is actually, well, we ain't dating the podcast, but September 5th is okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

We can set a date here.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

They're gonna get the baby. We're gonna get it later, but you know, today is my son's birthday, and I tell everybody like we're exactly 20 years apart.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:46

So like that's a great way to remember how old he is. Yes, and so but you know, with that that being said, having children at 20, I was a completely different person.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

I was learning, I was figuring it out, you know, like we trying to work together. So we we kind of grew up a little bit together, but now with Ava, she has two seasoned parents. Um, there's not much struggle happening for her at all. I mean, she is spoiled beyond imagination. And, you know, it's like when you mentioned it earlier. I talk about in a book how, you know, there is this when it comes to children of somebody else and you becoming a kinship caregiver, there's always the opportunity for no. There's always the opportunity for no. Some people are not ready, willing, or able to commit to a child that does not belong to them.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

It's a big commitment, it's a huge commitment.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

And so I've had that conversation since I wrote the book and talking to people, and there were people who were like, you know, I I I had this situation come up and I had to say no. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, you're absolutely entitled to say no. And there are other people like myself who are like, no questions asked. Like, my granddaughter's not going into foster care or she's not going anywhere like that. So it's like you have a choice as a human being, you have a choice.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

We just feel bad when we say no, because then we start to think about what's gonna happen. Correct. Who gonna do it? Yeah, it's not true.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

But you have the opportunity to say no. You are not wrong if you say no. And I talk about that in the book because it's like you feel like you have no choice, and so now you are in this place where you can be resentful. So these are all the things I wrote this book because it took me three years to get to a place where I was like, Okay, I can finally talk about this and not feel so heavy about it. How did you get to that place? I really had to say so. Maybe like after a year or two, I was like, Okay, I'm okay with. This. Someone asked me if I was embarrassed. And I'm like, I'm not embarrassed because I didn't do anything wrong.

SPEAKER_04 22:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

You know, my daughter may feel embarrassed, or she may feel like, oh, you know, you're telling my story, but it's my story to tell, also.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

And so it's like I really had to look at it like this was for Ava and not for anything else. And I I think I really, really realized that because when I first took her to the pediatrician, and I asked, because you know, I had never gone to her appointments with my daughter. And so my daughter, I mean, my the pediatrician was just like, um, you know, I make suggestions to your daughter. I'm not sure if she listens to me. You know, I feel like um sometimes that Ava was kind of in the way of things that your daughter may have wanted to do, you know, like so it's like we're getting that first.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

You're getting the side that you haven't even seen.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

And okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

And so those first two appointments were a little rocky. You know, I and I say rocky just from the the standpoint of my grandbaby was very mean, very, you know, like standoffish. We have pictures of her at the daycare where all the kids were young though.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

Yeah, so mean.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

She baby, she was so, but because that was my daughter, yeah like she was getting what my daughter was given.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Personality, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

Man, that third appointment, that entire doctor's office was like, who is this? Because she was a completely different child.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Wow, they're like sponges, they will pick up a completely different child.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

And so she just had her five-year-old appointment a couple months ago, a couple weeks ago, excuse me.

SPEAKER_04 23:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

And her pediatrician was just like, I just have to tell you. She was like, Because to see her blossom, yes, and these are her words, she was like, I hate to say it this way, but it seems like she was trapped inside of the body that she was in initially, and now to see her personality and see how she is and see how she talks and engages with people.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

That's because kudos to her. Good job, grandma. Yeah, I was like, oh my God. What do you think God is teaching you right now through this, though? Because not just for Ava, but for you. Like, it's it's growing. You even at 50, you know, we we still grow at every level, every age. But what do you think the biggest thing he's trying to teach you right now?

SPEAKER_02 24:31

He probably trying to teach me patience because I ain't got still come on.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

She still thinks she got no patience. I ain't got it.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

I mean, it's definitely, I feel like that's a part of it, really, honestly, because um, ooh, God, she talked too much. Grandma didn't mean what what Ava called you?

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Grandma and then Grandma. Grandma didn't mean it, Ava. She ain't mean it.

SPEAKER_02 24:53

Ooh, she talked too much, y'all. She, I be like, I sometimes I just had to be like, ooh, just give me one.

unknown 25:02

Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

You gotta act like you on a phone call. Give me one second. Nobody wanna line. And so I think it's really, it's really, I think it's also teaching me joy, though. She's such a pleasure.

SPEAKER_04 25:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

She's such a pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

And she's so me. And so it's like, how do I look at the parts of her that I know are so innately me? And and I mean innately, like her birthday is eight days before mine.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

So we're the same sign. We're the same.

unknown 25:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

And so it's just like, God, do I talk too much?

SPEAKER_01 25:41

That's that mirror. That's the mirror. That's the mirror. Ooh. I I love that. I just love how, well, for one, God is always going to make a way for any situation. Yes. Right? You are in the right situation to do it. Whether we feel like we're prepared or not, the moment you say yes, it's like, okay, I don't know how it's gonna turn out, but I'm gonna lean into it. Yeah. Because it was presented for some reason. And like you said, you're that person, okay. You're not going into foster care.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

I'm gonna do it, and you did it. You know what I'm saying? And you're doing it, and you're still gonna do it. Yes. You're still gonna do it.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Oh, I'm still gonna do it. Yeah. So I don't know if this is one of the questions you had, but somebody asked me because my daughter uh comes home next year.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

I was just about when does she come home?

SPEAKER_02 26:27

Yes. So my daughter's scheduled to come home uh in 2026. Okay, and I say it jokingly, but with all sincerity, that she's coming home to be the nanny initially. You know, she can take over those parts that um our engagement. You know, Ava does gymnastics or she does, you know, her activity.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

That transition, she hasn't been there since forever, and all you're all Ava knows. Yes. I mean, she probably I'm sure you talk about her mom.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

Oh, she talks, so we do video calls and everything.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

Yeah, but to that would do something detrimental to Ava to just say, okay, here you go back. So I'm pretty sure it has to be a smooth transition. And you got this, yes, you got this, you got this. Yes. How is she how how how is she with um does she understand like mommy has a business? Does she help you with the business? Does she see that side of you? Because that's another thing. Like you're an entrepreneur, you're a mompreneur. Yeah, right. And and for me, Grandmapreneur. Grandma Peneur, listen, grandma preneur. Um, but I I think that I love when little kids get to see that side of it because they can see in real time the back end of it, you know?

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

And then they see how it's developed on the front end, especially if you're taking her to these places, and that inspires them, that puts something in them. That's something that we didn't see growing up. I don't know if you saw it because our parents were laborers. They went to work, clocking, come home.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

My grandparents weren't. I had traditional age grandparents, and so they were retired at home. My grandparents, what I learned from my grandmother was young and restless. The stories, no popers. We was watching the stories, keeping up with it. Yeah, absolutely, 1000%. I was right there with her watching them. Oh goodness. But yeah, so I, you know, it's like she does not at this, so she knows grandma works. So, like, you know, when I travel, I get on the plane for work, you know, stuff like that. So she does know that. Um, she does not get to, because what I do is so email-based and communicating, you know, it's like unless we're in person, you know, a lot of it is. But she's definitely been on some Zoom calls with people, and you know, everybody knows Ava. So she doesn't get to see it right away, but um, she is very curious, um, very nosy, very nosy. Oh my gosh. And when I say she talks too much, I mean she talks too much. She she tells everything. Like the people at the school be like, um, Ava told me everything y'all did this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Lord, have mercy. Soon as the teacher say, Listen, they done came up here and said this. You're like, oh my gosh. And then you try to play in your mind back. Well, what else you've been talking about around the house? Listen, I I know that feeling. She done told it all. That was a trigger for me. Like, just now, like, what this girl done go to school and say now, Lordy, Lordy, Lottie. But do you find yourself um um do you find yourself um using your skill sets at home with the conflict resolution? And because that's what you help entrepreneurs with, essentially, and even through PR. Do you find yourself being better at it around the house with it or or teaching her, or even your your grown kids? Do you find yourself being better at it with your own personal life? Or do you have that boundary, like okay, work life balance?

SPEAKER_02 29:57

Yeah, so I do have the boundary, but I definitely like conflict skills, once you have them, like they're they're there. And so that's why I tell people it's so important, and that's why I want to one of my largest hopes and goals for this year going into 2026, is to get into more school districts.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Okay, yes.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

Because I feel like, you know, once you can get these skills and they're innately you, yes, like they help so much, they help so much with the boundary setting, but with also being able to work through that conflict. What skills can I use to work through that conflict? Um, one of the biggest, like what I want to tell your audience, like if you don't have another skill, another skill that you use, use i statements. I statements are one skill that can help so much because when we have these conversations about, you know, you never tell me you love me, or you never take the trash out, or you know, when you go out, you don't call me.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Put it back on them.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

On uh the person on the person, like but you put it on the person by saying, I don't like when you don't call me. Or I worry, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

This way when you do this.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Exactly. So like when you really wanna like that. Yeah. So it's like you put it on them because I'm telling you how I feel. Yeah, I'm telling you how what you do makes me feel, yeah. I'm telling you what I'm missing, I'm telling you what I need, but I'm not pointing my finger at you. Like I'm not chastising you, right? I'm telling you how what you do makes me feel.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Right. Or even what could I have done differently to to show up to the situation or to avoid the situation? Yeah. Because sometimes it's it's our it's our negligence too. If we ain't show up on time and we're expecting something done, or maybe I can take the trash out today and and come up with a schedule or a system to I love that. I statements. I statements. Yes, yes. So do you work with a lot of newbie entrepreneurs or like what who's your ideal client?

SPEAKER_02 32:03

I have I have tried to place a boundary around myself with newbie clients. Okay, simply because it has backfired on me so many times. Backfired how, like, because I will find myself in a place or position where I want it more than you do. And it's like I see value in you, I see value in what you offer, I see value in in how we can build this brand together. Yeah, but you are still in a place where you may not be as comfortable in it as I see it. You may not be as committed to it, or you're still nitpicking about things, you're nitpicking about finances, yeah, you're nitpicking about processes, you're nitpicking about how slow it's moving or how fast it's not going.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Yeah, that's that's the beginning. The beginning, the beginning. I can't imagine anyone needing the PR at that stage. Yeah. At that stage, the entrepreneurs should really just be learning as much as they can about the business, about it. But you would be surprised.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

These are people who have, you know, like their income could be like seven figures. But they've yes. And they're nitpicking about investing in themselves, really, yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Oh lord.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

Yes, and that's so it's like PR is one of the most nitpicked things out there because, you know, especially if you're a numbers person, right? Like if you're a numbers person, regardless of how much money you have, you still want to know where the money is going.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Of course.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

And so it's like when you are giving someone thousands of thousands of dollars a month, and you can't quite put your finger on where those thousands are going.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

But that's where the education piece comes from in. I know because um when I was working with the PR agency before I started working with the PR agency versus after I saw the difference, right? Because those placements make a difference now. Those labels, oh, as seen in upscale, as seen in Femi, as seen in the Source Magazine, like that makes a difference of how you're positioned in place, because those uh they never go away. Right. It builds your credibility, so it's important for that education to be there because people think you could just put a post out and that's it. Right. Like everyone right now, like the coaching space is huge. Yes, and I didn't realize how huge it was until I became an official coach and not just a mentor. And I'm like, wow, like everyone is trying to teach what they know, which is fine. Yeah, right, but there's still a way you got you have to go about it. Right. Like PR is so important, especially to get ahead of those scandals. Like, Lord forbid, I'm in a scandal. I don't want to see no scandal, but I know um if any time, if if everyone comes my way, I'm getting on the phone with somebody at PR, like, listen, this heavy, how are we gonna swing this? What are we gonna do? Because it relieves the stress from my mind. Yep, and that's something that every entrepreneur should learn about. So that's what I mean. Like at the beginning stage, the education piece. Yes, what does it really take to build a business versus a hustle? If I'm an expert, if I'm a professional, you need people in place. Yes, you need your teams in place, and if it's just you and one other person, get a good CRM, right? Yeah, get a good, you need those people in place so you can focus on what you need to do, and they can you hiring people because they're good at what they do. Absolutely, and that's the investment. Absolutely because now I'm gonna get to the ROI quicker.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

And and that's what that's that's the gap we missing.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

And that's what I tell people. It's like, you know, you hire your team could make a break you. Your team can make a break you, and you hire a team because you want to focus on what it is that you do. That part, that part and so your team should be able to function without you. And that's why I tell my clients, you know, like as soon as we onboard, I'm like, let's get you a photo shoot done. Let's get you because you're gonna have a folder, you know. And if we can sync calendars, like my my clients, we have Google calendars. Yeah, so you know, I don't need you right away. Like most of the time, if it's something I can just look at your calendar and say, okay, this is open time, this is open time. If uh if we do a FIMI or a source or wherever, I'm not waiting for you to send me images. I already have images, I already have your bio. Yes, yeah, absolutely. And so it's like these are the things I so I'm not waiting for you. Like, I don't have a journalist on one line, like, hey, I want to interview Tammy, and I have to be, oh well, wait, let me talk. Come call Tammy. I need to wait for Tammy to call me back and tell me what day works and what day wasn't working.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Now I got that schedule. And when I tell you that is a peace of mind. Absolutely, that is a peace of mind. Absolutely. I ain't gotta worry about no follow-up. I ain't gotta all I gotta do is say, okay, what pitch is going out? What we're working with, this is the plan for the next quarter, this is what the goal, this is what we're releasing, and creating that momentum around your life. Like, that's what people don't understand is that everything you do, even from a course, even from if you're speaking somewhere, like all of that starts months before. Yep. It starts that game plan starts months before. Absolutely, right? PR, man. I can tell you this I know um that's gonna always be something that I include in my budget. That's gonna always be something I include in my budget. It makes a difference. I I wanna be on, I wanna be sitting on um the big couches, right? Yes, the Oprah level of couches. You can only get there by having your PR agency.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

And that's what I tell, and it's so important because you know, I'll do social media lives or I'll talk to people about it because a lot of people just really still don't understand PR. Yeah, they don't understand how it works. And I tell people like we're storytellers. Yeah, publicists and PR people, what we do is position and package you in a good little bow so that people want to learn more about who you are, what you do, what you bring to the table. You need to make sure that the person that you are paying, that y'all like each other for real. You know what I mean? Like, because if you have a great publicist, that publicist is going to scream your name from the rooftop at every opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

And, you know, like I just talked about um, so there was a situation with Tabitha Brown telling entrepreneurs to get a job.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Yeah, I just recently saw that. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

And so from a conflict resolution perspective, I broke it down. Like the people who are angry with her for saying that, why are you angry? What triggered you in that?

SPEAKER_01 39:02

That mirror. That mirror, because she's talking to you. She's talking to you, and there's nothing wrong with having a job.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

There's nothing wrong with having a job.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

There's nothing wrong with it.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

That was the mirror that she held up. And that was, and so I had somebody that was going back and forth with me on social media uh telling me how wrong she was. And so I I finally had to respond with a video to them to say what triggered you? A lot of what happened, a lot of people who are angry about what she said have this internal conflict that they're dealing with because they felt attacked.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 39:37

They felt attacked because what happened? What's wrong with getting a job?

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Nothing at all.

SPEAKER_02 39:44

She didn't say anything, she did not say stop your business, stop your business. She didn't say, Oh my god, you are a failure. You are, this is not for you. Entrepreneurship is not for you. Like you, why would you how dare you feel like you could be an entrepreneur? That's not what she said, but that's what you heard.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

Because there's an internal dialogue, there's an internal struggle, an internal conflict that you're dealing with because your entrepreneurial journey is not where you want it to be. Right, right. It's not showing up for you in your bank account. And you can't jump off the witness.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

You can't jump off the porch until you're ready. You cannot jump and and I've been back and forth with jobs and and entrepreneurships like my entire life. You know, it you you'll be at a space where when it's time to be full-time, be full-time. Yeah. But like um, I forget the the person who did the sketch to her video, but they were saying it was like going back to work from an entrepreneur. If you have a problem with going back to work and you're willing to wit risk your survival, you're real willing to um risk your livelihood. That's a pride thing that you need to get over very quickly. Yeah. Because everything will go down. Like your nine-to-five will fund will fund your business. And I'm all for making a nine to five optional. Yeah. Right? I want to, I want to have the option to stay at the job or not. Correct. I want to have the option to go back to work or not. Right. But in order to do that, it requires smart moves, yeah, smart investments, right? Money management, knowing how to steward your money, right? Knowing and understanding when to spurge, when to stay, when to invest. That takes growth and time, and that doesn't come overnight. But the way social media positions it is everyone's an entrepreneur, everyone's getting money, everyone's doing this. Like, listen, it's hard. It's hard. It's hard. Like, I'm at a point where like I was just talking like to my team, like, how we how can we stop bleeding so much money out? Like, what we gotta do to stop paying so much? Like, do we gotta get more retainers? Do we have to do like what is it that we can save money each month? Because it feels like you're kicking out so much money on in the business aspect, and that ROI may not come for six months sometimes. Right now, we're going into quarter four, we're going into the biggest quarter of the year for a lot, especially product-based businesses. We're going into it, so it's an exciting momentum. You're gonna recoup a lot of that money back. But if you don't know that, if you don't, if you never live through that, you don't understand that. But people are willing to risk their livelihood by saying, Okay, well, I'm not going back to work, I'm gonna just keep hustling, grinding, baby. Why? Why you're stressing yourself out, just go get a job for six months, do what you got to do, leave, go get another one, like whatever it is. But no, I I I wholeheartedly agree with Auntie Tad. Shout out to Auntie Tad.

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Shout out to Auntie Tad. Trying to Auntie Tad.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

Yes, come on to the hustle.

SPEAKER_02 42:44

The thing is, like, you don't want to drown, like being an entrepreneur should not. Why would you want to be in a place where you're just like drowning? Right. And like you said, and especially as a mom. Especially as a mom.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

I want to do things with the kids.

SPEAKER_02 42:57

I want to do things, I want to do things, and then you attack her. You know, we're gonna get off of this, but you attack her because, oh, she has money, oh, she has this platform, oh, she she can't why would why would she tell people that?

SPEAKER_01 43:12

Because she did it, because she did it, and we just because we see it, don't we don't know what's fully going on, right? Because the people we think have money, like they're they they have bigger problems to worry about. Bigger, I mean, she may have 50 households that she may be helping and taking care of. We don't know, we can't count her pockets, but that's our problem, and that's what we're here to help. That's that projection. That projection, right? We're here to open up the conversation about it, yeah, and just put it on front street and on the table. And I and I pray you continue to do that through your platforms because it's so important to get our people right. Yes, it is so important to get our people right now. We've come a long way. Um, so especially seeing seeing everyone down here in Atlanta, like the level of black excellence is like oh my gosh, yes, love it.

SPEAKER_02 43:57

Woo!

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Love it, but we're we're there, but we're Still so far from it. We're still so far from it. So we're gonna keep that that you know that momentum going, that conversation open. Um, we have a responsibility to do that. Yes, we do. Absolutely. What's the what y'all to win? We have y'all need to win for sure. For sure, for sure. But no, so I think that what you do is very needed and very necessary. Thank you. Very needed. What what what do what do we what can we look forward to from Miss Adrian? We got some speakings uh coming up. I know you got the book available. Where's the book available at?

SPEAKER_02 44:32

So the book is on Amazon, Barnes and Noble.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Say Amazon again?

SPEAKER_02 44:36

Amazon?

SPEAKER_01 44:37

Amazon. Wait, I heard I heard the Marilyn.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

Oh, the Amazon. I heard Amazon.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

She said Amazon? Like, why did I say it wrong? I heard the Amazon. No, what is the word that from bond dog? To and dog. To do be doo. I'm over, Timmy. Don't you ask? I did.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

I made a video about it. I was like, we get it. Oh my gosh, we get it. We get it.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Listen, listen, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 45:04

But yes, it's on. You can go to Adrian, it's spelled A-D-R-I-E-N-N-E. So Adrian D Alexander.com is my website. Okay. Like I said, definitely trying to get into some school districts. If y'all in the school districts, holla at me because we need to get these. Come on, Clayton County. Yes. We need to get these. Our babies need help. Yes. All right, but I know we getting Ray Close out. We're coming towards the end, but our babies need skills. For sure. You mentioned it earlier in this conversation when we talk about it because the grandparents of yesteryear are no more. Right. Right. They're no more. And so even I think that's important when I think about Ava as well. Is I love that she may be one of the last generations to get old school parenting. Because we're not getting it anymore. Right. And our grandparents have gotten younger and younger. And I'm not saying that they are not giving what needs to be given.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

But it's a different feel, it's a different effect. Even, no, not to my grandparents, but my grandmama was a uh, she wasn't that fly grandmama sitting on the couch in the podcast. You know what I'm saying? So it's a whole different dynamic of it. They taught the discipline, the hard work, we understand that, but it's like um even as time changes, even if the the age brackets are still there, it's still a different version because the world is different.

SPEAKER_02 46:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Right? And then as Abra grows up, as she becomes a mom, if that's the journey for her, yeah. Um, and as she becomes a girl, she's gonna know this whole techie world. She's gonna know so it's changing, it's evolving. So you're right. Like, we don't got what is it? Um, big mamas.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

You don't have no big mamas, y'all. Come on. We don't have a big mamas, right? And so that's why like really I want to get the children early. Like, we need to get our younger babies because you know, we can talk about this forever, but like suicide rates in children, bullying in children, like these are all a lot of these situations come because our babies just don't know how to deal with recognize conflict. They don't know how our babies have so much going on at the house, yes, that by the time they make it into the world, they're already at a detriment.

SPEAKER_01 47:25

And the and the world's even more confusing than inside the home. Correct. And it's just like, okay, how are we gonna iron all of this out and that internal struggle with the kids? They they're struggling, you're like, They're struggling. You're right, they're struggling. So what? So um to get into the school district, are you doing your pitches? Are you reaching out to them? Are you doing like what how can we support the help with that?

SPEAKER_02 47:48

Yes, I I have, so I've I've become a vendor for a few different counties in Georgia, in Tennessee, like all of our surrounding counties. Cause I'm going anywhere, wherever the wherever, wherever the money resides for these babies, that's where I'm going. And um really definitely uh, you know, you from up north too, and I like Maryland. Well, we're gonna talk cities, Baltimore, Philly, like these places, these inner city youth. Like, that's where we need it. That's where we need it the most. Because they need to learn how to talk to one another. Yes, they don't know how to talk to one another, you know, and and we have gone are the days of fighting, unfortunately. Even though fighting is like, you know, we could we could fight and either we're gonna be friends later on or we not. But these babies not fighting no more. Now they just want to kill you.

SPEAKER_01 48:38

They want to kill you. And it's and they're getting young about a year, young about a day. You are absolutely right. Well, I commend you for the steps that you are taking. And so I pray God keeps you know leading you down the direction you're supposed to go and create much impact. Create much impact. And I don't know if um is um are you have a nonprofit for that or I don't, but I will. Okay, because that's where that funding is gonna come in. If the school ain't gonna pay for you to get into the schools, then or definitely link up with the nonprofits that are already out, that are already out here. And we can talk more about that off camera because I may know a few people. But definitely, definitely. So let's switch it up a bit before we come on. Because I wanna I want to know about about the the the lax side of Adrian, right? Yeah. The lax side of Adrian. What is that what is that go-to turn up song that gets you hyped and pumped for the day? What song is playing right now when you want to get hyped and pumped and ready and and Ava talking too much and you want to jump back into Adrian? What's that song? That one song that you just gotta play. I don't know if I can say you can put all of them.

SPEAKER_03 49:48

I don't know if I can sing it. Don't know what if you sing it. It's like as soon as you said that, my I started singing it in my head. All right, wait a minute. Yeah, it's bad. What's that song? It's bad.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

Who's it by? Kevin Gates. Kevin Gates, I'm not too familiar with his songs.

SPEAKER_02 50:06

Ooh, it's called Now I go hear it. Oh, it's called Think It With My D. Ooh. So AG, yeah. And it's like, it's so crazy because I have like I need music today, right? And so I have found an amazing, amazing playlist on Pandora, uh, Pandora on Sirius XM. And it's um, it's a combination of like um hip hop and RB. So it's like um, it's like a lot of Cardi B, Meg DeStallion, and everybody else like that. So it's like a great playlist.

SPEAKER_01 50:39

You a hip grandma for real?

SPEAKER_02 50:40

Oh, I am and so I started hearing this song, and I would find myself like, oh, and so it's like after a few times hearing it, I was like, who is this? Yeah, yeah. And so I was like, Kevin Gates, but the song, we're gonna play it when we go off. Y'all gonna listen to it. But if you need to get pumped, it's gonna definitely get you pumped.

SPEAKER_03 51:01

Like it's gonna get you right.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

Like, but I did, I kept on hearing it because I'm I'm not a Kevin Gates fan per se. Yeah. I know a couple of his songs to your point. I know a couple of his songs, yeah. But it would come up on this playlist, and I was like, oh, that is the song. Like if you need the that's the one. That's the one.

SPEAKER_01 51:18

All right, add that to the playlist. Let's add it to the playlist, let's see what's going on. That's that's the one.

SPEAKER_03 51:24

That's it.

SPEAKER_01 51:25

Okay, okay. Well, um, I'm as soon as I hear it, like I said, we're gonna hear it off camera. As soon as I hear it, no.

SPEAKER_03 51:32

She's gonna add it to the list, then it's definitely a uh, oh, we're getting ready.

SPEAKER_01 51:38

Oh, we've that's it. No, but I I I truly appreciate this conversation. Yes. If you can leave our audience with uplift, words of encouragement, um, look right into your camera and just go ahead and let it out to that mom that needs to hear it, the one that may be raising someone else um their their kinship or who it was raised by, who don't have those good relationships with maybe their mom. Because you you poured in a lot today. Yeah, you poured in a lot today, and I appreciate that. So if there is anything that you leave the huddle with, I'm gonna mess it up.

SPEAKER_02 52:16

Sis, you are killing it. You are doing an amazing, amazing job. It was given to you because the universe knew that you could handle it. I wanted you to know that I see you, I like we see you, Tammy see you, I see you, we got you, and we know it. Like, reach out to me, sis. If you ever need to like talk to somebody, you just need the event, you just need a moment, turn on Kevin Gates. But no, sis, you got this, and I am so very proud of you and excited for what's to come for you.

SPEAKER_01 52:56

Yes, I love it. Thank you, Adrian. You are so thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

Thank you for this.

SPEAKER_01 53:00

Oh, no problem. Listen, this space is for y'all. This space is for y'all. I love it. And this space is for you. It's a good space too, y'all. It's cozy, it's a great space. Leave a review. Make sure you subscribe, tell people about it.

SPEAKER_03 53:14

It's a great space, y'all. It's a great space. I walked in here like, ah, y'all remember a girl trip. You know, roaches are not roaches.

unknown 53:25

She's so silly. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

But y'all need to come and check out this space, or better yet, make sure you hit subscribe so you don't ever forget the notifications about this space. Because, as always, we are bringing moms to this couch to share their stories, to share their energy, and to connect with you all. Big shout out to our major, major sponsor of the Mom Panera Huddle, Lee Che Capri. And you can definitely shop and get your discount 20% off at leachekapri.com. Make sure you use the code word huddle. And we're gonna wrap it up. We're gonna get out of here. Um, and then I just want to make sure y'all put your crowns on and keep your chin up and make sure y'all rock the rest of y'all week. Have a good day. Have a good one.