How to Stop Overcommitting as a Mom (Boundaries That Lead to Clarity and Growth)- Huddle Talks

Many moms aren’t lazy, unmotivated, or undisciplined. They’re exhausted because they’re overcommitted.

In this episode of Huddle Talks, Tammy Capri breaks down why saying yes to everyone else is costing moms their peace, focus, and progress. This conversation dives deep into boundaries, burnout, and the hidden reason so many women feel stuck even when they’re “doing everything right.”

Tammy introduces the concept of a personal boundary statement, explains why “no” is not selfish, and shows how saying no is actually a form of purpose protection. You’ll learn how overcommitting pulls you away from your calling, how your environment affects your mindset and creativity, and how boundaries hold you accountable to the life you say you want.

If you’ve been feeling drained, distracted, or frustrated with yourself for not making progress, this episode will help you reset, refocus, and reclaim your time without guilt or explanation.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Many moms struggle with setting boundaries. We struggle with saying no. We struggle with the guilt of saying no and always feeling like we have to overcommit ourselves to the people in our circle, right? To the people that that's in our lives, to our family, our friends, um, associates, to people that we serve, uh, whether it be church and business, we just cannot say no. And there is a reason why you get burnt out. There's a reason why you don't have time to focus on your business. There's a reason why you don't have time to get organized. It's because we are overcommitting ourselves to people and places that we should not. I am Tammy Capri and this is Huddle Talks. All right, so y'all, we're gonna get into it today. We are gonna get into it today. First and foremost, excuse me. First and foremost, um, I had an amazing week. And this week, I really executed my boundary statement. Now, if you've been following me, you know that I've been talking about this boundary statement that I have. I've been telling you all about how I've been eager to tell people no when it's necessary, when it's not aligning with what I have going on, the things that I am doing, especially when I'm under a hard deadline and when I need strict focus, I've been saying no. Your girl has been telling people no. So I encourage you all to write a boundary statement, right? So I got this idea from um, you know how when you have a job or you work a job and they have these policies and procedures, they have a mission statement, right? So I thought about um what my life's mission statement was. So I wrote out a mission statement for my life, right? But then I started um going a little bit deeper into writing out statements of my beliefs. And one of them was a boundary statement. I'm gonna read my boundary statement for y'all, okay? So this is Tammy Capri's boundary statement. My boundary statement. I do not pour into spaces, people, or situations that drain me or pull me away from my purpose. My time, energy, and focus are reserved for what aligns with my vision, fuels my growth, and honors the life I am building. If it doesn't serve my purpose, my peace, or my progress, the answer is no, without guilt and without explanation. And those last two words, those last two statements are powerful. Without guilt and without explanation. Why do we feel like we have to give a breakdown of why we say no? Why do we feel like we have to give an explanation? Oh no, I can't help you clean out your garage today because I have to do this for school, or I have to get the kids, or I just have no. The answer is just simply, I can't right now. At the moment, I can't. I would love to help you in any other circumstances, I would, but right now I cannot. And you don't owe anybody an explanation, first and foremost. That be the pressure, that be, or that gives um the open door for someone to say, Well, why can't you help me? Well, I need your help, or I was there for you. And I get it, because I I get people like that too. And I get caught up into that web of I feel obligated to do it. Um, but since I've been implementing my boundary statement, and since I read my boundary statement at least once a week, um I'm I'm I say no. I say no without guilt. Because what'll happen is, and and I want you to really, I want you to really hear and take heed what I'm saying, moms. You will lose you by saying yes and committing to everyone else's responsibilities and obligations. It's not your responsibility to wear the to bear the weight of everything your circle is going through. Now, that may seem and feel harsh, but you got goals. You have an agenda, right? You have things that you've been working on, that you've been procrastinating, that you have been putting on the side, putting down, not picking up, not looking at, because you simply are burnt out from helping everyone else, from saying yes to things that don't align with who you truly are and what you want to do. So who you are and what you want to do gotta take a back seat because you said yes. Now, saying no is actually protecting your purpose. What does that mean, Tammy Capri? What does that mean? Saying no actually protects your purpose because every yes to something else, right? Every yes to something else that's draining is a no to you, is a no to your real calling. So every time you say yes to going out every single weekend to happy hour with your girlfriends, because we've been home girls all our lives and we always kick it, and I don't want to feel left out. I don't want to feel like I'm not being included, but now I'm saying no to my real calling. Now I'm saying no to that post I was supposed to make to help accreditate my business. Now I'm saying no to that course I should be studying for that's gonna get me this extra degree that I need. Now I'm saying no to really fine-tuning what skills that I have that's gonna help me get out of the stressful situation that I have in my nine-to-five by saying yes to someone else is saying no to yourself. You have to come to a point. You have to come to the realization that at some point, at some point, you have to prioritize you. You have to put your boundaries in place, you have to write your boundary statement, and it does not mean you don't love these people, it does not mean you don't care for or you're not writing for whatever terminology you want to use. It does not mean these people don't mean anything to you. What it means is that I am in a season of building, right? I am in a season of growing, I am in a season of finding my true purpose and walking in that purpose so I can better my future. Because for so long I've been staying stagnant, for so long I've been in this situation that I don't like, that I'm not truly happy, that I that doesn't excite me when I get out of bed in the morning, that I dread, I dread going into this place of work, clocking in every single day. I have not been changing that situation. I have not been focused. And truthfully, truthfully, to be honest, as you start choosing you, you're gonna see who else respects it and who else choose you as well. Who choose you and respect your space, respect your growth, respect your harvest season. You're gonna see those people who say, you know what, I dig it. How can I support? How can I help? Or I'm gonna give you your space, but when it's time to catch back up, guess what? We're gonna pick up like it never left, like we never left, right? You're gonna see those true people when you are in the process of your growth and your development season. And when I tell you it's gonna open up so many eyes, it's gonna open up so many eyes, it's gonna, it's gonna make you aware of what truly matters to you, right? It's gonna make you aware of what truly matters to you because at the end of the day, you not making it, it's all on you. God gave you everything that you needed, He put everything inside of you, He gave you your purpose before you were even born. He gave you your purpose. You have to tap into that purpose, but by you not doing that, that's solely up to you. It is no one else's fault, no one else's responsibility. But you will see the ones who support that journey the moment you tap into um tap into finding out who is this person that I am supposed to become? Who am I supposed to be helping? Who am I supposed to be serving? I want I want to share with you all that it gets lonely, and I know y'all heard that phrase, it gets lonely at the top. You ain't gotta be at the top for it to be lonely. And I'm gonna keep it 100% funky. You ain't gotta be at the top for it to be lonely. Now, that feeling of loneliness, that feeling of I need that companionship, that feeling of I don't want to be by myself. Ask yourself why. Why, why don't we want to be by ourselves? Why, why can't we be bored, right? Why, why can't we just chill out? Why do we have to be around people? And these these are not for the homebodies, because the homebodies, like you get it. If you get it, you get it. Because I, for one, I love to be by myself. I love to be social. I love to be around my friends. I love to go out on the the day dates and the trips. And I love it. I love to be around my family, but majority of the time I love to be by myself because that's when I'm challenging myself more, right? And by challenging myself more, what I mean is that's where I can really push my brain, really push my brain of how far it can go as far as what idea can I bring to my brand, right? Or I'm doing market research, what's new that's coming down the pike that I can foresee that I need to prepare for? Those things I can't tap into those creative spaces if my mind is cluttered with small talk. If it's cluttered with small talk, you ever notice when you're around your colleagues at work, your conversation will change. It will change. The people that you surround yourself with, you will start to identify with that circle and try to get on whatever level it is that you're around. And that happens, that happens almost without warning, without us thinking about it, without us trying, without, without any effort, right? So I and I and I became aware of that when um you answer the phone. This is a good example. You answer the phone and it's a bill collector, or it's um someone of power, someone of authority, maybe um someone from I don't, I don't know, a job or whatever the case. And you click on this professional tone. Hi, yes, how are you? Uh, this is Tammy Capri. Um, you're clicking on this tone, right? But let your homegirl call. Let your home girl call literally five minutes after you take that phone call. How are you answering the phone? You're not answering it. Hi, yes, this is Tammy Capri. You're like, girl, you're gonna answer the phone, like, girl, bitch, how the it turns on and it turns off because it's the environment of the people that you have around. It's how you have to show up. I can't get creative all the time if I always have to show up at this girl. Oh, what happened? Oh, this is oh no, he shouldn't have done. I can't always show up if I'm surrounded with that. And this is no knocker, no shade to my friends or my family because I love y'all to death. But they already know Tammy has to separate herself from certain conversations. I mute, I mute my uh, I mute my um my group chats, all of them. I mute them, especially when I'm in the process of creating something for um my my community, especially when I'm in the process of um vetting new people for the Montreenor Huddle. I have to, I have to um mute out those conversations because I have to stay in the space, right? I have to stay in the mind space. This is why they tell you to get around people that are like-minded so your brain doesn't switch to a negative perspective and you can't think and you can't be productive, and you get frustrated, then you stop. That is an ongoing cycle. That is an ongoing cycle, which brings me to my next point. Saying no holds you accountable. Saying no to people holds you accountable, accountable for the things that you should be doing. Everything that you should be doing is gonna hold you accountable for that. Because once you say no, I can't go to this party, I can't make this trip, I can't take you to this place, I can't help you paint your garage, I can't help you at this moment. You're gonna free up the time that you need. You're gonna get the free time that you need. And then the guilt will kick in that, oh, I should be working. Let me get up and go do something now. I got some free time on my hands. Let me get up and go be productive. Let me get up and go edit these videos that I've been trying to edit for a week. Let me go respond to these emails that haven't been responded to. Let me go do some research on the next guest that needs to come on this podcast. Saying no will hold you accountable to the things that you're supposed to be doing. That is a self-check. A self-check. For me, it is. For me, that is a self-check. When I don't have um occupied time, I literally say to myself, Tammy, what should you be doing right now? What is not done, right? Because everything is in delegated. Some of the important things are delegated, but for the most part, I handle a lot, majority of everything in my businesses, right? I am still very much hands-on. I am not a billionaire, I am not even a millionaire. I am very much hands-on in my business, so there is always something to do. There is always something to learn. Okay, so how do we identify what deserves RES? Ask yourself these questions. One, does it align with what I am what I'm doing in this season? Am I currently looking for a new job? Right? Am I currently building a business, right? Am I currently preparing for a speaking engagement? Am I currently preparing to launch a new offer? Am I currently on my faith walk? Am I currently um healing traumas? Am I currently um bettering my commitment with my health journey, my health goals, right? Is what I'm saying yes to align with, um, does it align with what I'm going through in that season? That is the easiest yes. My girlfriends say, um, if my girlfriends call me and say, hey, um, let's go out to the gym this afternoon. I need to work out. Yes, I'm all for it. I am all for it. Why? Because I need to go to the gym. I need to go to the gym, and I would love the accountability. I would love that friend there so we can work out together and we can talk and we can work out. We can catch up and we can work out. Those are things that I would say yes to, right? But if she called me and said, hey, there's this day party um that started at four o'clock. I got us some tickets, or I can get us some tickets. Do you want to go? Uh a day party, does it align with what I'm trying to do? Is it a marketing marketing event? What type of crowd's gonna be there? First of all, um, who is the who's hosting the party? What type of crowd? That's just too much, too much energy to put into even thinking about going. I'm sorry, I gotta pass that up. That's not aligned with my goals right now, and it's it's last minute. Right now, there's so much I need to do. I cannot squeeze in a day party right now. I cannot. So find, ask yourself what aligns with what you have going on in that season. And if it doesn't serve a purpose, the answer is no. If it does not serve a purpose, the answer is no. Another way to identify how to say yes, is it a life or death situation? Is it will it affect will it affect me in the next five years if I don't say yes? Right? If I miss out on a spare the moment opportunity to where we can go to this industry party, um, and it may help your brand. If I say no to something like that, then I could possibly miss out on the exposure that I need. Right? I could possibly miss out on the exposure that I need. So that may be a yes if I could find a benefit in going to um an industry party. If I can um go to a female networking event, it depends on what the event is, where you can enjoy your time and you can still you can still go and promote your brand. Go and find potential clients because baby, they they come from everywhere. They don't just come from social media, you can meet your clients in real time and in person as well. So um think about what benefit will it bring you. Is it a life or death, or will it affect me in the next five years? That's how I identify, how I say yes to a lot of the things I ask myself those questions. Another key thing is setting your boundaries and sticking to them. This is why I have the boundary statement. This is why I have I write I wrote it down because, well, you know, you're supposed to write it down. You put it down, you write it down, then it's supposed to be golden. Treat it as it's golden, you can see it in real time, post it up on your wall, read it every day, do what you gotta do to say it over and over again, right? Your boundary statement. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Stick to them. If you wrote out your boundary statement and you know this is what the what you put in play for yourself, you're going to be a little bit more, you're going to be a little bit more intentional about sticking to those boundaries, especially if you have an accountability partner to share your boundary statement with. This is why I'm very intentional on publicizing my boundary statement, not just here on this platform, but on my social media accounts. I've shared it with our um our email and um list, I shared it on the podcast. Why? Because I want to always keep myself accountable and I always want to stick to the things that I say I'm gonna do. And once it's out there in the world, I don't want to be the one that's going back on my word. I don't want to be the one that's looking like a fool. I don't want to be the one that looks like she's not trustworthy and she can't even commit to herself. No, so I purposely do that as a method to say, Timmy, you have to stay on track, it's out there. Do what you're do what you said you were going to do to the best of your ability, as much as possible, show up for you. So I stick to that and I abide by that. So when you set your boundaries, it's highly important, it's very important for you to stick by those and don't deviate for anyone, not even your kids, if you have kids. Sometimes you have to tell the babies no. Um, I just want I want to really help you all with adjusting your mindset around that word no. No is not always a negative. No is not a final, it just simply means not right now. No, I cannot do right now. No's change to yes all the time. Just as well as yes change to no all the time. But in order, in order for you to get to a place where you can say yes, that no has to be strong and it has to be solid. It has to be strong, it has to be solid because you have work to do. You have work to find your purpose. You have work to walk, walk in your purpose and not half-step it. This is your harvest season. You finding your purpose is you planting that seed. You finding your purpose is you planting that seed. Because the moment you find your purpose in life, the moment you can start living out your purpose, however, that looks. And I do understand that some women find it difficult to find out what their purpose is. And this is why I'm here for you. I am here for you. Find your purpose. I'll help you find your purpose. Just tap in with me. Shoot me a DM, shoot me uh a message on Instagram. Or if you already feel like you found your purpose and you don't know the next move you should make, still tap in with me. Or if not me, tap in with somebody because I promise you it is a beautiful process. It is a beautiful thing. And I want everyone to understand that saying no is also a beautiful thing. But you let me know in the comments how you're gonna say no to the next person that asks you something that does not align with who you are in this season and what you're doing. Let me know your boundary statement. Oh, ooh, yes, I would love to know your boundary statements. Come to think about it. I'm going to put um, I'm going to put the email in the description and email me your boundary statement if you don't want to put it in the comments publicly. Email me your boundary statement. I would love to take a look at some of these boundary statements. How are we saying no in this season and in the next season if need be? How are we going to show up for ourselves? Start saying no so we can create more time for us, for our goals, and most importantly, finding our purpose.