Why Do We Keep Returning to Familiar but Harmful Patterns?

- Explore the power of self-awareness and growth  

- Break free from familiar cycles holding you back  

- Embrace change and step into your new journey

Transcript

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Yo, what's poppin' people? Welcome to another episode of I Can't Help Them Podcast. Listen, I'm your host, your boy Rodney Fitman. We back with another one, y'all. We back with another one. Listen, I got on my Super Mario shirt. Today I feel super, super, super powerful. You love Sam? Listen, the last episode we talked about self-sabotage. We talked about the self-sabotage and how sometimes you can be in your own way. But today we're gonna go a little bit deeper. Today we're gonna go a little bit deeper because the question is if you know it's not good for you, why do you keep going back? Back to the same habits, the same people, same mindset, same circles. So today's episode is called Why You Keep Going. Let's talk about it. Why do you keep going back? You know what I'm saying? Why do you keep going back? And before we get into this episode, I want to say thank you to everybody because we hit a hundred downloads. And listen, I celebrate every small win. So a hundred downloads to me is wonderful. Every 100 people that listen to this podcast in some way, shape, or form. And we're gonna keep going and we're gonna keep going. So thank you for that. But yeah, why you keep going back? First of all, ask yourself that question. Why you keep going back? Wow! Listen, I understand. I used to go back before, you know. We're gonna talk about it once we end this in the episode. But here's the truth. You don't always go back because it's good. You go back because it's familiar. You go back because it's familiar. Even if it hurts you, even if it drains you, even if you even if it delayed you. I wanna say that again. Even if it hurts you, even if it drains you, even if it delayed you, it's what you know. I ain't say so. It's what you know. And sometimes familiarity can feel safer than growth. Uh I'm gonna say that again. Don't get don't don't get mad at me if I say the wrong word. But sometimes familiarity can feel safer than growth. That's a good one right there. Because sometimes we so familiar with things. I've heard so many people say all the time, like they'll rather stay in something than start over. Knowing that it's hurting them, knowing it's not good for them, knowing that it ain't even what they really want. But they will stay because they are afraid of change. They stay because they're afraid of starting over. I know some people that you know, I know both, especially sometimes even when it comes to marriage. Like sometimes people get married for the kids. And then when they get married for the kids, it's not really what they really wanted, you know what I'm saying? And then down through the years, they really figure out that this is not what I really wanted, and it's because of familiarity, they stayed in something and they kept going back. I mean, y'all even see people that cheat on people and they'll say they'll rather stay because they know who they're dealing with then to be with somebody new and to grow and to really get what you want, but you'll stay in something that you know ain't no good for you because you're comfortable and you don't want to grow. Listen, because growth sometimes is uncomfortable. Listen, I'm with you. Growth is uncomfortable, but it's necessary. If you want to get to where you want to get to, if you want God to bless you, if you want to get to where God wants you to be, growth is necessary in every area of your life. Trust me. I'm going through it right now. I'm going through some growing pains right now. I'm telling you, I'm going through some growing pains, and I just be like, I don't want to do it. Like, but God, this is what growth looks like. Growth ain't, growth ain't always listen. Growth ain't always what you think it is, yo. But listen, Proverbs 26 and 11 says, as a dog return to his vomit. So fools repeat their folly. Listen, that's that right now, you don't want to go back. Why you want to be like a dog? Have you ever seen a dog throw up and go back to his own vomit? Have you ever seen yourself grow up and you want to go back and put that all back in you after you went through it up? I don't think nobody wants to do that. But it shows patterns. Going back always is about, is not always about desire. Sometimes it's about comfortable. You just want to be comfort. You just want to be comfy. You keep going back to that girl that keeps doing wrong and don't want to do right. You keep going back to that dude that's cheating on you all that time. You know it ain't right, but it's comfort. It's comfort. You keep going to that job that you know the Lord done told you to leave and he wants you to be an entrepreneur. Listen, I'm talking to myself right now, listen. I'm telling y'all. You keep going back to that job, you know what I'm saying? You're unhappy, you don't like it, you really don't want to go, but it's comfort. And that one was for me. I just got blown out early about right, you got all the connections, you got all the people, the easy, you got the easy part. And I'm like, and I, you know, growing pain. I'm telling y'all, I'm going through what I'm talking about. Now, otherwise I couldn't be talking about it with y'all. I'm going through what I'm talking about. So growing pain, growing pain. Growing pain is growing pain, but some of us have left situations physically, but we never heal from them emotionally. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes when triggers, ooh, listen. When something triggers you, you go back. Back to the same type of people, back to the same patterns, and back to the same habits. Because you have unhealed wounds that will pull you back into familial cycles. Y'all heard what I just said. Listen, those triggers will put you back in familiar cycles that you try and, you know, you gotta be here. You gotta get healed. Unhealed wounds. You gotta get healed from unhealed wounds. Listen, you can leave a place and still be tied to it emotionally, internally, in here. You listen, you could leave that, you can leave that job, you can leave that person, you can leave that marriage, you can leave that relationship, you can leave that friendship. But if you ain't healed from it internally, it's still you you ain't healed from those wounds, and you gotta heal from those wounds. I know, I know healing from some stuff, it takes time. I'm not gonna lie, it takes time. Listen, I was um, as y'all know, I was in a previous uh marriage didn't work. Listen, I left. I left. I left. But what I didn't realize though, that I thought the leaving of the marriage was me healing. I thought the leaving of the marriage was, okay, I'm good, I'm ready to go. But as I continued to uh walk out the process of healing, being single, I come to find out there were a lot of things that I needed to heal from that I didn't even know existed any. And I'm still healing because when you think, um, and my bishop explained it to me like this, when you think about when you get into a covenant with someone, you get into a marriage with someone, this is the person you thought you were gonna spend the rest of your life with. This is the person that you had planned the life with for the rest of your life. No one gets into a marriage thinking they're gonna get a divorce. No one gets into a marriage thinking they're not going to make it. But situations happen, the situations come arise. And the thing about it, me and her have been together for about seven years. So seven years of my life, I was in that. So now I'm out of that. Now I gotta relearn how to function all over again as a single person. I gotta learn how to function and walk on my own two feet. I ain't got nobody to pick on me, just me now. Okay, well, what are we doing here? I had to learn, I had to un I had to unlearn a lot of things that I thought were godly and that I thought was right that wasn't right. Even when it comes to church now, even church things, like the churches that I have been a part of, I am unlearning so much. I am unlearning so much and learning so much at the same time. But, you know, being um healed in those areas, not being emotionally tied, because a lot of times with church people, we are emotionally tied to where we came from. That's why we come into new places saying, oh, they did it this way. Oh, they did it. Well, you're in a new place, you're in the new season, you and you know, God is doing something new, but yet you haven't let go of the old internally and emotionally, and you need to be healed from that. And so that's what happens, and what happens is you'll start going into the new places with the old mindset and the old intentions and all that type of stuff, and you will resort, as I said earlier, you'll get pulled back into the familiarity of what you used to do because you're in new spaces, but you're looking at it from an old way. And you just gotta listen, move, move, like get healed. I mean, I'm saying it like it sounds simple. I'm saying just get healed, but I mean really, get healed. Healing is a wonderful thing. I'm telling you, when you get healed and you really start to see God the way God wants you to see, and God opened up your eyes, listen. I'm trying to tell you, listen, you're trying to live a new life with the old identity, which I just said. You're trying to live a new life with the old identity. You can't do that. And it don't work. Listen, if you still see yourself as the old way, like if you still see yourself as undisciplined, unworthy, inconsistent, not ready, you will keep returning to what matches your identity. Let me stand up on that one. Listen, however you see yourself is what is gonna be drawn to you. That's what you're gonna match. You're gonna match with that identity. Listen. Proverbs 23 and 7 says, as a man thinking, so is he. Your mind will always align with your self-image. So whatever you feel about yourself, that's how your life is gonna align. However, you see yourself, your life is gonna align today. And I know this because I was in a season in my life where I thought I was nothing, where I thought I could do nothing, I could be nothing, that I couldn't move forward, that I couldn't get the things that I wanted, the things that I had, and guess what? I wasn't getting the things that I had, I wasn't moving forward, I wasn't pursuing what I needed to pursue. Yes, I had a mentality and my mind was stuck. You hear what I tell you? I even thought I couldn't heal. I even thought God threw me away. I thought God couldn't do nothing else with me. And guess what? Nothing was being done. Because I wasn't moving. My mindset of myself, what I thought about myself. I thought I was inconsistency. I thought, uh, Lisa, I thought I was ugly. Y'all say what y'all want to say. I'm fine. Listen, I thought I was ugly. Was it inconsistency? I always thought I wasn't ready. Opportunities would come and I would turn them down because I felt like I wasn't. That's what happened. Listen, throw my way. I listen. If the Lord told me to do it, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. But again, I gotta say that. I gotta say that again. Your life, listen. Your life will always align with your self-image. Always, yo, always. Let's be honest. Let's be honest, let's be honest, yo. Let's be honest. Sometimes it's not the person, it's the feeling. It's the attention, the familiarity, the emotional high, and the temporary comfort. Mmm. The temporary. Listen, me and a friend of mine, we was talking about it like how an encounter with God will last you for the rest of your life. Listen, nothing like an encounter with God. But we we talked about how we used to go to the clubs and all that type of stuff, and how it was a temporary fix for what we was really going through. Yeah, you went to the club because, you know, you work all week from Monday to Friday, sometimes even Saturday, and when Saturday night comes or Friday night comes, they say you're going out to go to have a good time to release from the work we but it's temporary. Or even, you know, drinking, smoking, doing whatever you do, it's temporary. It doesn't last. It's temporary. And then it can even become toxic, it becomes an addiction. And when it becomes an addiction, you don't want that, G, because it's hard to make addictions. It's hard to make addictions. Listen. It might feel like something, but it's not. And when you don't have discipline, feelings will lead your decisions. And one thing about feelings, listen, my old pastor used to tell me this feelings don't get you in heaven. Feelings that always stuck with me. Feelings do not get you into heaven. Fine, listen. Don't allow your feelings to determine your decisions. Don't allow your feelings to determine your decisions. Listen, and this is where accountability comes in. Y'all remember the last episode. I told y'all about accountability. Please say you're done. You say you're done. You say you're done, but you still answer the text. You revisit that habit. You keep the door open and you stay. And also you stay connected. I'm gonna say that again. You say you're done. But you answer the text or the call when they when they hit you up. You revisit that thing, that habit that you said you weren't gonna do no more. You're not doing it no more. You keep the door open. The door be open so they just like peek through, or you peeking through the door to see what they're doing, and you stay connected. Why do you stay connected to something that you know don't mean you no good? You stay connected to people, things, places that you know don't mean you know good. Gee, you know it. But you still stay connected. I don't understand that. And I get it, I get it, I get it. Well, I'm one of them people, listen, once I catch you, get cut. Yeah, done. Benita, I ain't gonna go on there. I ain't gonna go on there. Uh go back, man. Please. Once you once you shake your bait, or you you show me done. Listen, you haven't fully closed the door. And partial separation leads to repeated cycles. There's some uh uh prophet I learned from Project, uh Project, Project, please don't get me. But uh Prophet Andre Cook, he used to say all the time, he said partial obedience is total disobedience. Same thing here. Partial separation is really not separation when you still have that door open or you still hoping or something. Listen, you need to fully separate so you won't return back to that cycle. Whatever you gotta do, do it. Listen, sometimes you gotta go to the extreme. Listen, you gotta block people on social media. You gotta listen, you gotta block the media, your phone, you gotta, listen, I'll tell you what I do. I block the number and then I erase the number. That way I know it. I because let's be honest. We don't remember numbers like that. Listen, I can't tell you now. One number in my phone. I don't even know my mama number. I know my brother's number by heart. Well, mom, I don't even know my own mama number. And I don't know these phones have made us a little bit lazy. Cause, bro, I don't know nobody's number by heart. The only number I know by heart right now off the top of my head used to be my grandma's number, huh? And that was 864-224-9324. Listen, I remember that. Because I was taught that as a good kid. But don't ask me for nobody's number. It ain't happening. But yes, total separation. Go to the extreme if you have to go to the extreme. Listen, whatever you got to do to get your healing, whatever you got to do to get your deliverance, whatever you got to do to keep you from going back to something that you know you want to be delivered from and you don't want to repeat the same cycle. Do what you have to do. Because listen, can't nobody else judge you for doing what you got to do when you know the severity of that cycle, when you know the severity of what that person did to you or that place did to you or that thing did to you. Listen, you know what it did to you. So don't allow nobody else to uh make fun of you or to make you think that uh you don't have to do what you need to do to get rid of that thing. Yes, you have to do it. You gotta do it. You gotta listen. There were so many people I had to block. Oh no, I can't talk. Because I know if I talk to you, this conversation gonna go here. This conversation's gonna go here. Oh, it's gonna go hell, it's gonna go there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not gonna need to. Places, and there are some places I cannot go back to. Uh-uh. Because if I go back, this is and I'm gonna tell you one, one of the places I used to go to, listen, I know I would never, listen, I used to, I used to love going to the strip club. Strip club was my thing. Yo, I would go to the strip club on a Friday and a Saturday and spend my whole check. Spend my whole check and be broke on Monday and asking people to borrow money on Monday when I work and I was a single man, didn't have no responsibility. I mean, still single, don't have no responsibility, no kids, no nothing. But yo, be broke. Be broke on Monday. The game gave all my money to this chick, provide me with a fantasy, bro. I had to get delivered from that. I mean, now, now, now, granted, I don't have no desire to think about going to a strip club or anything like that. But when I first started, get delivered and all, well, I can't go to no strip club. I couldn't even talk to people that that thought about going to the strip club or even saying anything about going to the strip club. Because that was my thing. Y'all, I'm telling y'all, listen. I I one thing about me, you're gonna know I'm transparent and I'm real. We're not transparent and real about what they go through, what they struggle through. I don't care because God has delivered me so I can talk about it. So if you hear something that you didn't know about me or anything like that, just know I'm delivered and don't be trying to put that on me. But yes, I was going to church. I was going to church, but I was in the strip club. And listen, I'm with the only one in the strip club now. I'm gonna let me put that out there. I'm with the only one in the strip club. There was plenty of pastors, plenty of deacons, plenty of saints in the strip club with me. But I was in the strip club, and I had I had one stripper that was, she knew when I walked in the door, she was coming to me. But in the beginning, I could not talk to anybody that was still in that lifestyle because that's a lifestyle that I didn't want. Number one, it provided me with a fantasy that wasn't true. Number two, I was broke. Broke, paying for somebody to dance for me, broke. Uh-uh, not doing that. And then I'm sitting here objectifying women, looking at them, looking at them in a perverse way. Uh-uh. That was not God. So guess what? Uh, I had to let that go all the way. Let it go, G. I had to let it go. But when I'm saying to bring it back home, you can't stay around, you can't be around the thing that you're trying to get delivered from. Uh uh, or you're gonna repeat that cycle. You're gonna repeat that cycle. You're gonna repeat it. You can't you can't keep access and expect change at the same time. You can't do it. You can't keep access and respect change at the same time. It's not possible, dude. It's not possible. It's not possible. Listen, let's let's let's break down how you. Stop going back. Number one, you gotta be honest. Do you see how I was? I had to be honest about why I was returning back. The reason I was returning back because I felt I had a low confidence, low self-esteem, low all that. And when I used to go in that club or that strip club, the girl used to pump my head up. And that was the only place I was getting from. So once I realized that, like, no, God, God, I could do that for myself. And it felt good. I'm not gonna lie, y'all. It felt good when that girl used to come, that girl used to come to me and say I'm fine and all this type of stuff, because I didn't know it for myself. And I, the people, huh? Let's just say the people that I talked to back then, I think they they was always trying to change me and change my image and change who I was. But so when I went to her, it felt good. And she rubbed me on again and make you listen. I'm just telling you, that's what that's what draw me back. That's what kept me going back every week to the club so I got delivered. Listen, you gotta be honest about why you return. Listen, number two, healing was still, heal was still affecting you. Heal what's still affecting you. If you notice it's still affecting you, you know you're still getting on treatment. Listen, heal from those things. Please, heal from those things. Three, change how you see yourself. Change how you see yourself. Change how you see yourself because once you change how you see yourself, a lot of things are gonna change. You're not going to go for a lot of pain. So change how you see yourself. That's number three. Number four, cut off complete access. Whatever you try and get delivered from, whatever the thing that you keep going back to, and you don't want to keep going back, cut off the access. Cut it off, just cut it. Listen, don't play with it, don't give it no leeway. Cut it completely, cut it. Number five, build discipline over your emotions. Listen, because your emotions, I know I said it previously on this podcast, your emotions and your feelings will have you all over the place, yo. All over the place. Listen, build discipline, build discipline and over. Listen, freedom requires boundaries. Freedom requires boundaries, not just intentions, but boundaries. And but you also gotta be intentional about the boundaries that you set. Listen, be intentional about those things. Listen, let me remind you, God is not calling you back, he's calling you forward. Listen, because we're moving, moving forward. If I could say what I'm trying to think, he makes all things new. Oh, he makes all things new, and I will follow you forward. Listen, we're going forward. We're going forward. Listen, forget the former things, forget them. Listen, you can step into your new right now while holding on to oh uh said that wrong. I'm sorry. You can't step into your new while holding on to old things. I said you can step into your new thing, but yeah, you can't step into your new holding old things, yo. You have to let it go fully, let it go fully, let it go, let it go, let it go. Listen, let me say this clearly. Let me say this clearly. You don't keep going back because you're weak. You're not weak, you're not weak. You keep going back because something hasn't changed, but it can change. You can break the cycle, you can move forward, you can become who you are called be. But it starts with this decision and saying this one thing and standing 10 toes down on this thing. I'm not going back. I'm gonna say that one more time. Stand 10 toes down on what you stand on business on this statement right now. I'm not going back. Listen, if this episode done helped you, yo, do me a favor. Share it, like it, tag it, follow, follow me on Apple Podcasts, follow me on Spotify, follow me on uh YouTube, you know what I'm saying? Follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me. And again, I appreciate all the support. Again, we have hit a hundred downloads, a hundred downloads. I am so excited because listen, again, nobody has to listen to my voice. And I'm glad that I am able to uh project my voice and God is able to use my voice to speak to you in whatever setting that you are, if you're listening to me in the car or if you're watching a video, whatever, however you're listening to me. But listen, I thank you and I appreciate you so much for listening to me. 100 downloads, like we got, we got uh we got 999,000 more to go because I'm trying to hear me. Listen, I'm trying to get me on yah, me on yah. But I'll unless I'm starting out and I don't know how I can do anything. But I thank you for everybody that is supporting me right now. Listen, keep sharing my podcast, tell other people about my podcast. Listen, I just want this thing to grow and grow, and as I grow, we grow, we grow together. Again, this has been another episode of the I Can't Help Them podcast. And listen, I'm your boy, your ho's Rabbit Footman, y'all. Follow me. Let's go, baby. Have a wonderful day. Peace.