Sex | Part 1

Proverbs 5:15-16 | Part 1 | Sex is a powerful, purposeful gift from God. But there are so many different opinions on when it should be enjoyed, who should take part in it, and more. What does the Bible have to say about it, and how should we apply it regardless of our circumstances?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Your brain is like this big dirt road. And as you trigger a release, you create this track in your brain. And the more you go down that track, the deeper the grooves get.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

You're listening to The Bridge with Junior Ziggler. Junior's the lead teaching pastor at the bridge in Chicagoland. And today we're talking about what Proverbs has to say about sex. Which right away, some of you might be reaching for that dial or that button to change the station.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

You're thinking they shouldn't be talking about this. This is Christian programming. Just talk about the Bible.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Well, we are talking about the Bible, and frankly, the Bible has a good amount to say about sex. And truthfully, I'm glad it does. Because everyone else has a lot to say about it. Musicians sing about it, celebrities build platforms on it, politicians weaponizing it. Social media, my goodness, floods you with it. And then despite all of the noise out there, we are still seeing so much confusion, brokenness, and shame tied to something that's supposed to be a beautiful gift. And so today we are going to see how God's word unlocks the power and beauty behind one of God's most intimate creations. Now here's Junior.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

I learned about sex at a very young age. It's not what you think. I didn't see anything. Um I so I grew up a pastor's kid, and since I'm a pastor's kid, I don't know if there's any other pastor's kids in here, but a lot of my childhood could be described as either sitting in church, at church, waiting for my parents to leave church, uh, or riding in the car and listening to sermons in the car on the radio. And I was five years old. I was riding in the backseat. And my dad, per usual, had like Christian radio going on. I think it was like focus on the family at the time. And this particular program was talking about healthy sex between husband and wife. I'm in the back. I don't care. I'm five. Instead, I'm trying to like I'm trying to teach myself how to count Spanish. So I'm sitting in the bags like uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco. Yeah, I know. You should have been in the back seat with me because you I would have avoided this whole trauma that I'm about to tell you about. And I couldn't remember what six is, but I couldn't remember. And so I asked my dad, I was like, Dad, uh, what's sex? Well, since he's listening to a program on sex, he thought I said, what's sex? And so there I sat in the back seat hoping to hear a Spanish word, and I heard something very, very, very different. The stuff mommy and daddies do for fun. And uh, six in Spanish, sex has been a spicy number ever since. And so let's talk about sex. This is one of those topics that can be very, very tricky because the idea of talking about sex can be very awkward for for some people. It's like, man, we don't talk about this at home or ever. Sex is gross, like, this is just kind of weird. In fact, last time I talked about sex, a guy left our church and he's pretty upset. He said, you know, my 16-year-old daughter was in the room, you know, she doesn't know about this yet. I was like, I'm I'm pretty sure she does. And uh, and if she doesn't, this is the best place to hear about it and have conversations. I mean, my goodness, we are bombarded with it. We're bombarded with it online and uh in schools, it's all over TV, it's it's everywhere. And so I really believe the church has got to talk about this. I mean, God created it. We should know what he thinks. It doesn't have to be awkward. But I also realize that this can be a sore topic for some. Um, sometimes dating couples will really struggle to hear this topic because they're having sex and they don't want the conviction. Or the opposite, a married couple who's in a sexless marriage and so there's guilt and it's like a sore spot in their relationship. And so oddly enough, the people who get upset with me and um about this topic, it's usually because they're either having sex and they shouldn't be having sex, or they're not having sex and they should be having sex. And then to add to that, there are, I realize this, there are some real stories where this topic really hurt the family, stories that the family would love to forget. And so to sit in here, the topic just can kind of make you relive some of that past pain. And so this is a very tricky topic, one that we just can't run from. In fact, those of us in this room, I'm I'm sure there's more than a few that have some sexual pain in your in your background, I think you would agree, man, the church should really be part of preventing future sexual pain. And so we have to talk about it in here because, man, outside, they're not holding back. Porn industry in the US made $16 billion last year. $110 billion worldwide. That's more than Apple and GM, what they made. Uh, recent statistics claim that 93% of boys and 68% of girls have been exposed to porn by the age of 18 years old. Uh, this is actually true for me. I remember when I was 13 years old, I was riding my bike on a bike trail, and I saw a Polaroid. I don't know if you remember those Polaroid pictures, but like I saw a Polaroid blowing around on the trail, and so I stopped and I and I picked it up, and some girl like quickly tossed it. Luckily, I was like a late bloomer, didn't really mess with me, and just thought it was weird and gross. Um, that was a that was before social media and the popularization of internet. Now it's like just this onslaught of images and videos, and we have it all on our phones. I have I have friends who whose kids take the bus and there's explicit watch parties on the bus on the way to school. Um, findings show that reels are leading to porn sites more and more and more. Reels are literally reeling people in. So I'm not sitting here trying to like sound the alarm. I'm merely saying that we live in a sexually saturated world. It's a conversation that it's not like I love to have, I don't love having this conversation, but I really do feel like we have to have this conversation. And I'm a big believer in the idea of it's only awkward if you make it awkward. You got me today, so it's gonna be awkward. Proverbs chapter five is where we're gonna be. Proverbs five. We're gonna start in verse 15. Funny timing. Um, so my my daughter is, but I do this as well. And um my wife and I and our kids, we we do um, we we we read scripture on our own, and um my daughters will do like a proverb a day. So we do on between the lines. And last week was Proverbs chapter five, and so my daughter came up to me. She read Proverbs 5, she goes, Proverbs 5, dad, is so gross. And uh, we'll see if you think the same thing as her as we go through this. Well, as the lens of scripture zooms into Proverbs chapter 5, welcome to Solomon's Palace, be in Jerusalem. The summer heat here is relentless, but the refreshing mountain breeze passes through these corridors, and that's where he sits. He sits in the in the shade of his thatched roof. So much is competing for his thoughts. There's constant, constant threats of foreign attacks. And and though the economy is booming, there's constant threat of economic collapse. There's there's threats of the threats to the empire are just endless. But what captures his thoughts is an attack that is far more sinister. It's what took down his his dad. Little does Solomon know 3,000 years later, it would still be taking down kings and CEOs and leaders and pastors and destroying homes. What's on the mind of Solomon is his own weakness, his lust. And he knows that if his sons, the the leaders under him, his commanders, his advisors, if any of them get this wrong, it could devastate the entire kingdom. Because when sex has no boundaries, chaos ensues and something precious is lost. And so from the throne of the wisest, richest man in the world, his pen etches these words right here. It says, Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Now, this is such good, and in my opinion, very tactful imagery. Solomon is absolutely brilliant. But to get to the beauty of what Solomon is writing here, we have to go back to his palace. See, just outside of his palace, under that shade that he sits, is arid, arid Israel. A people who live under the relentless beating of that Middle Eastern sun. Shade is very precious. Water in this region is a commodity. Rain is very rare in these lands. And so if you live in Israel during this time, your family, if your finan is financially able to, you would build these rain catchers, gutters surrounding your house that would then properly drain into these cisterns that would be lined with plaster. And so when the welcomed clouds came, it would refill your family's water cistern. It was highly forbidden and very much looked down on, downright shameful for anyone to sneak, like you had to be a lowlife if you were gonna sneak into a family cistern and just kind of help yourself to that family's precious water supply. But here what Solomon is talking about, he's not talking about water, of course, he's talking about something more precious. He's talking about sex. That just is just as you'd be deemed a low life bum to sneak into your neighbor's water supply and just kind of help yourself, Solomon is saying, well, it's just as, if not more, shameful to just like sneak into your neighbor's bed and help yourself. In such a brilliant way, Solomon is making two very big points here. Enjoy your cistern, don't go to another one. So if you're married, enjoy your well. It's God's blessing. Have sex with your spouse, have fun, enjoy intimacy. Focus on your well of refreshment. Don't be sniffing around anybody else's. In fact, Solomon gets even more vivid in verse 18, especially verse 19. A lot of fellas like verse 19 says, Let her breast satisfy you daily. It's not a verse, you see grandma sewing on a doily, right? It's now, by the way, if you're upset with me right now for reading this, just take it up with the author. It's I I didn't write this. The author, Solomon did. I think that's probably the verse my daughter is actually referring to. But it's in here for a reason, and it's not here for just shock value. It's this whole idea of he's he's writing to young men. He's saying, rejoice in your wife, find satisfaction in your wife. Now you can flip this too. I mean, Solomon's writing to guys here, but girls, you're not left out. Like enjoy your husband. Aim your desire fully at him. The more you enjoy your well, the less pull you feel to visit other cisterns. Now, a common mistake that many can make is we can look at, we can look at this verse, very descriptive verse. It's almost poetic, and we can look at at this verse, we can think, okay. Well, how much of another cistern can I enjoy? Especially if you're not married, you know, you're kind of dating, and you think, okay, what where's the line when it comes to all of this? Is Solomon simply talking about the act? Intercourse? Is that it? What about the other stuff? In fact, this was a big conversation 27 years ago. Many of you might remember this when a president of the United States, and I'm not making like a political statement here, this is just was a big thing, but 27 years ago said, I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Come to find out, they were doing some stuff, is definitely sexual relations, but what it did is it sparked, again, not a political statement, but what I'm saying is that national coverage sparked a very weird, what is actual sexual relations topic. This even infiltrated churches. I remember my youth group talking about well then what's actually sex then? What does it mean to enjoy another system? How far can I go? What about the other stuff? Is the lead up okay? How far can I go? The Apostle Paul in the New Testament, when talking about sexual immorality, he uses the Greek word called pornea, um, which is actually where we get our word porn porn from. And essentially, pornea is like this drawer full of anything that elicits arousal. I'm not gonna list that right now, or maybe ever in a public setting, but but you get the idea. Biblically speaking, pornea, other cisterns, they can be websites, they can be thoughts, they can be fantasies, they can be the lead up, uh, flirtation, sexual joking, all of that are foreign cisterns that Solomon says, it's not for you. Don't don't go. Instead, enjoy your own cistern. Now there's a caveat with this as well, and it's a big one. If someone, and I know we have this in in our own church family, um, if someone were to step outside of the bounds of their marriage and is unfaithful, and and they sneak to another well, so to speak, they are held responsible for their actions. Now I say this because I've met with more than a few people who are fresh in the aftermath of the chaos of an affair. And not always, but usually I I'll I'll hear something like, hey, it was my fault, should not have done that, but listen, my well wasn't available, spouse is distant, and so I felt. And what we're doing now is now we're just deflecting. It's like, okay, I want to, I'll own maybe 80% of this, but it's like 20%. No, no, no. A sign that you're not repentant is you're trying to pass some of the blame. So to be clear on this, there's no footnote here saying, hey, enjoy your cistern, enjoy your well, unless your well is kind of distant, it's a far walk. Like there's there's there's no footnote here. Solomon is painting a picture that you could have had a long day in the sun, you're out working, your thirst is all get out, the seemingly overwhelming urge to refresh yourself with your neighbor's cistern, resist that urge, focus on yours. Yeah, well, my cistern isn't all that great. Well, then go make it great. Sex isn't the relationship, but it is a reflection of where the relationship is at. Sex doesn't make the relationship, but it is a thermometer of where things are at, and sometimes it can even be used as a thermostat sometimes. You want to enjoy your cistern more, focus on the relationship. And if you don't have a well yet, you're sitting here like, man, I'm single. If you don't have that yet, then honor your future well by resisting the cheap substitutes that lead up to that, regardless of your first.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

You're listening to The Bridge with Junior Ziegler. We'll get back to Junior in a moment. We want to tell you about one of his books, The Manual. If you're a man or raising a man, married to a man, maybe dating a man, there's a lot of confusion around what real manhood actually is. In the manual, Junior cuts through the noise, both the over-the-top macho stuff and the politically correct definitions, and he gets to the raw core of manhood. He exposes the toxic masculinity for what it really is, not manhood at all. This book is simple, honest, powerful, and it might just change how you view men, strength, and leadership. We'd love to send you a copy of the manual. Just visit juniorzigler.com and give a gift of any amount towards this show, and we'll send it to you. That's juniorzile.com. Now let's get back to junior's message.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Does it feel weird to write that word in church? Yeah, I know. Try being in my shoes. My uh daughter's in here. It's her golden birthday today. And um, poor girl. I mean, happy birthday to her is like poor girl's gonna sit here and listen to this from her dad on her on her golden birthday. But but it is it's good for all of us. But no, sex sex is a gift. God created it as a gift. It's not like God looked down on Adam and Eve and it's like, ew, what are you guys doing? Get off her. Like that didn't happen. God didn't say that, He He He designed it. I think the tendency among Christians sometimes, and I get it because I I think I've been borderline guilty of it, is Christians can sometimes combat this sex craze society with almost becoming like prude and acting like, well, sex is just kind of gross and it's a taboo thing. No, no, come on, it's not it's not weird or gross. It's a gift from God. And the truth is we're far more careful with it when we understand that this is a gift from God. And that's Solomon's approach here. I mean, look at the wording in verse 18 to 20. It's he uses the word blessed, rejoice, delight, intoxicate. We're gonna get into intoxicate in just a little bit. Like that's a gift. And Solomon isn't trying to like sexy up his writing to get more readers. This is just this is a foundational perspective. It's a bit like on my shelf in my office, I have this uh, that's right here. I have this ancient um lamp. It's an oil lamp, and there's a sweet lady in our church that that gifted it to me. And when I got it, I didn't think much of it because if you were to go to Israel, you'd see a lot of replicas of these all over. They're like 10 bucks, they're a replica that somebody made to look old. And it was super nice of her, but that's what I thought I got. So it's like, oh, that's so sweet of you, thank you. And I put it, I put it in my filing cabinet, and I just kind of rattled around there for a few days until in the mail she mailed me the certificate of authenticity. And on the certificate of authenticity, it says that that lantern was used 2,000 years ago during the time of Jesus. It's like you've got to be kidding me. It's rattling around in my filing cabinet. So I like take it out, dust it off, and I, you know, I put it in a nice in a nice spot, and I'm very, very careful with it. This is a lot of people's approach to sex. Most people don't view it as like this precious gift. Rather, it's like more of a selfish thing. Um, it's it's an act to just kind of quench a thirst. Or we teach kids, like, eh, you know what, it's gross, just to kind of keep them from doing it, but then they hit puberty and they wonder, like, really? Because it kind of seems like a blast, and now and now we're confused. And so we just kind of toss it around and we don't protect it as a precious gift. We use it to get a release and we'll use it to get what we want, to feel needed, to feel loved, whatever it is. It just kind of rattles around, creating pain, creating chaos, creating regret. But when we see it as this very precious gift, we're very intentional with it. But it's not just a gift, it's also powerful. Very powerful. Now we touched on this a bit last week, and I know Jordan was it Jordan here of this last week? Yeah. I know Jordan got into it um uh last week, and uh but I want to kind of come at this from a bit of a different angle. Um, end of verse 19. Solomon writes this. He writes, be intoxicated by her love. The depth of this verse, both theologically and biologically, is astounding. Like this isn't just descriptive writing. There's something pretty incredible here. Sex can and does intoxicate, it binds you at the deepest level. So when Adam and Eve, when they came together, Genesis says, Ish and Isha, I love their names in scripture. It's Ish and Isha. Ish and Isha, they they come together, and Genesis says they're one flesh. Now that doesn't mean that they're just like one like melded weird person. They didn't become physically one. They were they were two separate bodies still, but there was this mingling of souls, a connection at a deep level. In other words, sex is very powerful, very popular thing to say, and this is what kids are hearing all the time, and and I think it just it destroys their future. But we we hear this all the time that is sex is just physical. I remember my high school health teacher saying that. That woman creeped me out. She was in a little 70-year-old woman, very thick, bright makeup, and wore these like mini skirts all the time. She loved talking about sex. That that woman scared me into abstinence. But but she'd always she'd always say, she always says, sex is just physical as long as it's two consenting adults, as long as you don't reproduce if you don't want to, there's nothing to it. It's just a physical release. No, it's not. It is not just physical. And when we treat it that way, we end up addicted, we end up hurt. And the proof is in the pudding. Sex is not just physical. Talk to anybody who has experienced sexual abuse, they'd be the first to tell you, hey, what happened to me was far more than something physical. It was deeper. The pain wasn't just physical. Sex isn't just physical, it's this mingling of souls involving you at a deep level, and it's intoxicating. Scientific research has found that sexual activity, whether healthy sex in marriage or even just expressions and lust, is highly, highly, highly addictive. A sexual release triggers the same parts of your brain as heroin and cocaine. That's why quitting porn is often harder than quitting a narcotic. Brain activity during a sexual release addicts you to whatever caused that release. And it's actually like it is really cool what God did because he created this so that married couples could be addicted to each other. That one flesh, this addiction, this intoxication to each other. And statistics back this up. Couples that are regularly intimate, they tend not to sweat the small the small annoyances. They fight less, they laugh more, they have more fun. There's more of this connection because they've aimed that addiction at each other. The more sex you have, the less annoyed you are. It's a great thing for marriage. I try it with Nicole because being married to me has got to be a grind. And those times I get under nerves, like, hey, baby, I got I got an idea to overlook overlook this. In Bible college, you get a lot of weird uh uh advice. Um you get a lot of good stuff in Bible college, you get a lot of weird stuff in Bible college too. But um, I was end of Bible college, you know, I'm kind of finishing up and I'm about to get married, and somebody in Bible college, I think he's like professor, yeah, professor, it says, Hey, I got some like some marriage advice for you. He's like, if you fight, you will fight with your spouse, but when you guys fight, one idea is just start undressing. And you'll either start laughing, you become intimate, and then you just won't care about what you're fighting about. He said this to me, he's like, that's really smart. It doesn't work. Because you just end up unclothed and embarrassed, and she's confused and angry and still clothed. I haven't actually tried that, but I kind of wanted to. So God's goal in the context of marriage is you're a bit intoxicated. The problem is, and here's a big problem in our world today, is that other cisterns are so readily available. And so we can aim our addictions not at our spouse, at a spouse, but at websites, at one-night stands, at thoughts, at shows that lead to releases, and we don't realize that it's messing with our brains, that we're we're missing out on the healthy, necessary intoxication of marriage. So instead of, um, instead, we're looking at other cisterns that portray these unrealistic expectations of sex that lead us to then be let down in our own bed. Other cisterns mess us up. I I can't remember who used this analogy, but our brains are like a dirt road. You ever you ever drive a dirt road? I know I sound like Jason Al Dean, you know, but you ever drive like a dirt, a good dirt road? The more you drive on a dirt road, the deeper the grooves get into the road. And when you drive in that dirt road, then after a while, your wheels naturally just kind of lock into the tracks that you go down the most. Your brain is like this big dirt road. And as you trigger a release, you create this track in your brain. And the more you go down that track, the deeper the grooves get.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

You're listening to The Bridge with Junior Ziggler. That was part one of Junior Sermon Sex, part of our Proverbs series. When I was a young youth pastor, I had Pastor Junior come and teach to the high school students on God's design for sex. I was like, Junior, I'm too fresh in this. I need you to come do this. I remember him teaching from this verse, actually, drink from your own cistern. Don't scatter streams of water in the streets. Don't aimlessly throw away something that's so precious. And then Junior, he did something without telling me. He reached in his bag and he grabbed this old antique music box. And he told everyone that this was passed down from his great-great-great-grandfather. And then after that, he said, Hey Jordan, catch. And he threw this box, terrible throw, by the way, threw it to me. I missed it. And it smashed to pieces all over the ground. The students, they're they're freaking out, their jaws dropped, my jaw dropped. And then Junior said, Just kidding. But I remember he then eventually he's like, I just picked this up at Goodwill. And everyone's laughing. But the illustration was spot on. Because if this really was valuable, you would be certifiably crazy to just throw it around so carelessly. And so to you listening, have you been treating sex as a gift or as something casual and disposable? I really do. I hope you understand the value that God has placed on your soul. You are worth far more than an antique box or a lamp will ever cost. You have been handcrafted by God Almighty. And your soul was not meant to be trampled in the streets. It was meant for a deep connection to one. And what a great, needed sermon. Can't wait for the next one. You've been listening to The Bridge with Junior Ziggler, a listener-supported broadcast. Junior is the lead teaching pastor at the bridge in Chicagoland, and we're so glad that you joined us today. As we told you earlier, we would love to send you a copy of Junior's book, The Manual. Whether you're a man, you're raising a man, married to a man, dating a man, this book cuts through the noise and gets to the raw core of manhood itself. All you have to do is jump on Junior's website, juniorziggler.com, and give a gift of any amount towards this show, and we'll send it right to you. While you're there, you'll also find great resources like today's message, all of Junior's books and podcasts, plus a link to our church, The Bridge. If you're in the Chicagoland area, we'd love to see you at one of our services. Again, that's juniorziggler.com, junior z-i e-g l-r dot com. Thanks for listening. See you next time. The bridge with Junior Ziggler is a production of the Bridge Community Church, a multicampus church in Chicago.