Building the Village Before You Need It

• Most of us plough through life as if it’s something that we have ‘to do’.  And while we’re in the midst of all that we’re doing we forget how to 'be'.  We forget who we’re aspiring to be.
• I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy that hidden inside life’s hardships there are gems.  Precious little things that lie inside the hardest times and the hardest moments that we face as people…as humans.
• As I’m talking for this Podcast, I am recovering from cancer surgery just 4 days ago.  And while the days following the surgery have been painful, uncomfortable and incredibly humbling there have been gifts given to me that, until this diagnosis hadn’t quite hit me the way they have now.
• In this episode, I share some of these thoughts as it relates to living out our normal lives in the wake of a serious diagnosis and a perspective that I'd not been afforded before it was given to me. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Welcome listeners. As I sit here with a very dry mouth, I am in day four of post-op recovery from bladder cancer surgery. And I've had some insights visited upon me, some gifts that I wanted to share with you in the last few days. You know, the truth is that most of us plow through life as if it's something that we have to do. And while we're in the midst of all that we're doing, we forget how to be. And a lot of us forget who we're aspiring to be. And I've always subscribed to the philosophy that hidden inside life's hardships, there are gems and these precious little things that lie inside the hardest times and the hardest moments that we face as people, as humans. And this is certainly one of those moments for me. And while the days following my surgery have been brutal, it's been brutally uncomfortable, incredibly humbling, there have been gifts that until this diagnosis hadn't quite hit me the way that they have now. First of all, man, life is not only fucking fragile, but it is impermanent. And while some of us might want the chance to live forever, it's the fact that it actually ends that causes us to slow down at times and to stop doing even for just a brief moment. And that's one of those times for me now. And sitting here with the fucking indignant discomfort of not really being able to take care of myself, it has given me the opportunity to see that I am deeply loved. The outreach that I've received has been, man, overwhelming. And yet at times there is this pride that I feel for the first time in my life that I actually deserve this love. And most of the hardships that I've been through in my life have been mental in nature, in one capacity or another. And this is one of the few times that my physical vitality has been rendered a lot less than it normally is. And I can't help but think of our elders, our grandfathers, our great grandfathers, and grandmothers, who eventually get to an age where they just can't take care of themselves like they used to. And the humility that it requires to allow that to be just the phase of your life that you happen to be in, and to allow others to take care of you. And let's face it, this is not what most modern men are programmed to know how to do. I know I certainly have been. So how can we teach each other to love ourselves enough to be cared for in the times that will eventually come, in the times where we will get old, in the times that we'll need that care? And all of our children will want the chance to be able to do that for us. I know mine do right now. So how do we live as if that will be true and we can allow them to do that? And as I look to the next few weeks and months, and the prognosis that is yet to be delivered to me, somehow I know I'll survive this. And somehow I know I'll be wiser for it. I feel like that now. Humbly, I do. And yet its knock on my door in my 58th year has had me pause just a little differently than other times in my life. And I think this is just not something any of us can think about until we're visited something like this upon us, because we keep plowing through life, forgetting about the things that really matter. So, what's my invitation to all of you? Live as if you refuse to take for granted that you will always be here, that you will always be as healthy as you are now, and that you'll have your physical and mental faculties as vital as they are in this moment. Because we know that will change, yet we don't live that way. My invitation to you is to live as if one day you'll need love and support in a different way than you do now. Practice letting others take care of you now, your children, your spouses, your partners, your loved ones. Act as if you need them. Act as if you need others to take care of you in the way that you take care of them. I appreciate all of you letting me share this with you today. And I humbly invite you to think carefully about my words and the things that we've talked about today.