He Finishes Too Fast… Let’s Talk About It!

This episode is a no-filter, say-it-out-loud conversation.

We’re talking about something that affects way more people than anyone admits — but nobody wants to say out loud:
premature ejaculation.

If you’ve ever felt embarrassed, frustrated, or like you’re the only one dealing with this… you’re not.

In this episode of The Law of Cassidy, we break down:
💋 Why premature ejaculation happens (it’s not what you think)
💋 The connection between anxiety, hormones, and performance
💋 How purity culture and early habits actually shape your body
💋 Why shame makes the problem worse
💋 What it does to relationships when no one talks about it
💋 How to bring it up without destroying your partner’s confidence
💋 Real, practical techniques that actually help

We also get into:
💋 Why most couples are performing instead of connecting
💋 How to communicate what you actually want in bed
💋 The 7-day mindset challenge (and why your thoughts are repeating)
💋 Faith, shame, sexuality — and unlearning what you were taught

This episode is part sex education, part therapy, part real life.

If someone sent you this… they care about you.

👇 Share this with your partner, save it, and start the conversation.

Law of Cassidy: Stop performing your life — start living it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So we're gonna get into the juicy tea now. We're gonna talk about a subject that I get a lot of questions about, and it actually is a pretty significant problem for the men. So if you have a man in your life, send him this podcast. If you struggle with this, you're not struggling in silence. We're gonna talk through it. Okay. So we need to talk more about something that is way more common than anyone admits, and it's premature ejaculation. Okay. I said it out loud. Oh my gosh. Good thing this podcast is explicit. The number of DMs I get from both men and women about this, they're silent about it, they're shameful about it. They feel like they're the only ones. Like it's staggering, you guys. Okay. So let's kill the myth that it's just a nervous guy problem because it's not. Premature ejaculation affects roughly one in three men at some point in their life. It's not a character flaw. It's not weakness. You guys, it's not proof that he doesn't care. It can be caused by anxiety and performance pressure. Hypersensitivity. Some men's nervous systems are simply more reactive. Hormonal factors, serotonin levels literally affect ejaculation timing. Did you know that? You know that now. Save that tip for later. Years of rushing during solo play, it trains your body to finish fast. Yeah. So let's go back to the purity culture dynamic, shall we? Okay, you were told not to masturbate, not to jack off. You just gotta let your load out like you're a boy, you're normal. You can hear your parents are home from their date night and you're just hurrying and getting it done. That affects you in the future. Okay, so that's why we practice edging in that process. We'll get into that, okay? All right. Okay, I'm gonna be real with you guys today. We are doing a solo episode of hot takes, no filters and zero apologies. I know you guys love these, so buckle up. So I'm gonna be real. Like I said, um, it's been a rough few weeks, and I wanted to share a few things with you guys on just like staying positive and like focusing on a good mindset. So, example, and I'm doing this for myself because sometimes this podcast is like therapy for me. So my TikTok shop got taken down. I've had a lot of things causing me to be overwhelmed, a lot of help, help dynamics. Forgot something at my daughter's school. Have you guys ever done that? Like forgot something for your kid, and then you literally spiraled, spiraled for like two days and thought you were the worst mom ever. Hi, that's me. And I'm here recording this episode anyway, because here's what I've been sitting with and what I want to work through myself to hopefully help you guys too is the greatest skill you can develop is being in a good mood when there is absolutely nothing to be in a good mood about. And that is a skill that I'm really trying to focus on. So I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it. So, like I said, today's just me, hot takes, real talk. And we're gonna talk about premature ejaculation. I know that one threw your floor loop, but that's something that I get a lot of questions about. So I thought it would be valuable for me to talk about that today. It's a quickie, and I brought everything. Welcome to the Love Cassidy. This one's for the vain ones, which we'll get there. So let's go. So Love Cassidy, where we talk about intimacy, business, power, healing, and conversations most people are too uncomfortable to have. I'm Cassidy, entrepreneur, wife, mom, and someone who spent nearly two decades, that is a long ass time, talking about sex, intimacy, and wellness. If someone sent you this episode, you're in the right place. Stay for a while. So before we get into it, I want to talk to you guys for a second because there's a lot of you that have been very supportive with this. And you know me, I love a theme and I love like sticking to like this whole dynamic of like the love, Cassidy, my brand Covet, you know, Covet this, the whole confessions in the DMs. So I've been thinking about who's on the other end of this mic, like who you are that's listening. And here's what I know about the people that are loving my podcast. Thank you for this. You live out loud, you say the things most people think but won't say. You don't do fake, not in your relationships, not online, not with yourself. You've sat in rooms full of people performing happiness and thought, I cannot do this anymore. You've bitten your tongue too many times, and you're done. The world has a word for people like you, and it's in line with this whole structure. So it's vain. Too much, too loud, too honest, too sexual, too confident, too real. They meant it as an insult, but I'm gonna make you take it back because being seen isn't vanity. Saying what's true isn't vanity, wanting pleasure, power, and life that actually fits you isn't vanity. So it's just living out loud without apology. So that's who you are. I'm gonna call you guys the vain ones. So you now have a title. You know, everybody's like calls their audience a fun little tagline name. You're now the vain ones. So the ones who say the thing, the ones who show up real, the ones who refuse to disappear. If you're here, you're one of us. So welcome to the vain ones. Hey, that's your new club name. You're welcome. It's cool. We should make t-shirts. I don't know. We can talk about it later. So let's get into the hot takes if you guys are ready. So, like I said, the greatest skill you can develop and one that I'm actively needing to work on. Driving down here, I actually was talking to my girlfriend Haley about a situation. My sweet nanny is sick. And when I say sick, she's like really sick, like, can't work for months sick. Um, and I'm not gonna spill her beans of her medical whatever's going on, she'll be fine, but it's definitely like caused a wrench in things. And I said to Haley, yeah, she can't work, and it is what it is. I'm really trying to focus on life that way because last week hit me hard. She was sick. The dynamic of all the schedules, the juggling, the process of the TikTok shop, dance comp, school activities, all the things. And I was like, I can sit in the my life is on fire, or I can just be like, it is what it is, and we're gonna get through it. And so that's why I'm talking about this today. So lost the TikTok shop, and that's when people are like, what does that mean? That's like a massive revenue stream. That's a lot of money, like thousands of dollars a day. It took real time and real work to grow. Am I growing another one? Yeah. Can I always grow another one? Yeah. It just sucks, guys. It'd be like you go into work one day and somebody's saying, Oh, hey, you're not getting your paycheck for three weeks. You'd be like, What the fuck? Put the work in. Yeah. Um, I'm dealing with employee dynamics that are just draining in a way that it's hard to explain unless you've had to manage people while you're also trying to build something. Um, I've lost friendships this year that I genuinely did not see coming, people who I thought were my people, people I poured into, people like I loved and I just was shocked. Like, and it's a good thing, and the universe is removing them from my life because they're not my people, but that was draining. And last week I forgot something in my daughter's school, something small. But as a mom, like I said, who already carries the guilt of being the breadwinner, which I carry that, of not always being the one in the pickup line or the one choosing to, you know, participate in the class stuff. That small thing hit me different. Like proof of every insecurity I already have about whether I'm doing enough. So, all that all at the same time, in the same like few days. And here's what I know, and this is what I'm learning, and hopefully this is helpful to you. What I'm not always good at, but I am committed to, none of those things are going to show how I like none of those things are going to control how I show up today. Not the TikTok shop, not the employee stress, not the friendships that ended, not the school thing. Because if I wait for circumstances to be good before I allow myself to feel good, I will be waiting forever. And I was, I've really tried to process this as I'm going into this season of building something really big and something I'm passionate about is I have to build this from a place of gratitude and I have to build this from a place of love, and I have to build this from a place of like positivity. Even though life is happening, like I have to have the realization that life is always gonna have something going wrong. And if this hits you, let me know. Like it does, it hits when it rains, it pours. So this isn't pessimism. This is like just the reality of building something while being a human being. And I've really tried to be authentic and real, and I'm just letting you know I had a shitty ass week, I've had a shitty ass year, and I'm choosing not to sit in the shitty ass shit. So the skill is feeling it and choosing the mood anyway. Like I said, you guys, I'm not good at this. Ask anyone who's close to me, they will tell you. That's why I'm being vulnerable and sharing this with all of you because I'm working on being good at it. So I'm choosing to get up, I'm choosing to build, I'm choosing to show up for my daughter, my marriage, my business, my audience, not because everything's fine, because I'm gonna be the constant and not my circumstances. So I am working on this every single day. And if you are too, you are not behind. You're just honest about where you are. And that's more than most people will ever admit. So let me know, shoot me the text or the DM and be like, girl, I'm gonna do the same. Let's do this, go fight win. Okay. So, what's the thing in your life right now that's testing this for you? Like I said, DM me because the vain ones, that's you. We don't just show up when it's easy, okay? We're learning to show up when it's hard, and that's the whole point. So, hot take number two, leading into this is gonna give us something I like to call the seven-day challenge. And I'm doing this because I need it. So, thank you for letting me be vulnerable and owning my shit so I can be a better person. And hopefully it helps you be a better person. So, seven-day challenge, one rule: nothing negative comes out of your mouth about other people or yourself for an entire week, and it starts today. And I know you guys are like, oh, I never you don't realize until you try, okay? Seven days, no trash talking, no complaining, no side comments about what someone did or what someone didn't do. And I'm bad at this and I don't realize I do it, but I do it. And it like, I'll have something stressful happen. It's life, right? And I'll go into my house, and my first acquaintance with my husband is oh yeah. And I'm realizing that's not fun for him. Like, he doesn't want to hear that. So also, nothing about yourself either, nothing bad about yourself. So, yes, I want to be real with you about where I'm at right now because I'm not only coming at you from the other side of this, I am living in it. I am in it. Okay. It is hard, it's stressful, losing the revenue stream, overwhelmed with so many things I'm juggling, carrying the financial load, this podcast, like being a mom, being present, um, all of that. So negative thoughts on repeat, you don't realize it. Okay. Here's what I know about that. There's science that kind of like snapped me in the face. Okay. Did you know? You have six between 60 and 90,000 thoughts every single day. And 95% of them are the exact same thoughts you had yesterday. When I saw that, I was like, wait, that is so true. Which means if you spent yesterday thinking I'm failing, I'm behind, I'm a bad mom, nothing is working, you will think those exact same thoughts today and tomorrow and the day after. Not because they're true, but because repetition has made made them like your default in your brain. And here's what's powerful: if you can interrupt that loop for just seven days, catch the negative thought before it becomes a word, before it becomes a belief, before it becomes your identity, that reputation repetition starts to literally rewire your brain. Neurologically, new thought patterns create new neural pathways. So that'll change your default. So change your default, and we're gonna change our life. And like I said, I am not great at this yet, you guys. This is why I'm sharing this with you because I need the challenge. So I sat I've sat in the yuck longer than I should have this week. I'm starting the seven days today. Not because everything's fixed. My TikTok shop is still down. My oval realm is still real. The mom guilt is definitely still there, but I refuse to let the 95% win. And if you wouldn't say it to your daughter or son, don't say it to yourself. Seven days, if you fail, start again. The restart is rewiring, and I'm doing this with you right now, not from a place of having it figured out, because I'm being vulnerable, real, and raw and honest with you guys. My highlight reel does not mean my life is put together. Okay. This is from a place of being in the middle of the yuck, just like you. So please shoot me a DM on day three when it gets hard. Tell me what you almost said. I'll do the same. Um, we're in this together, the vain ones, because 95% doesn't get to win. Bitches, not today. Seven-day challenge. I can't wait to hear from all of you. Okay. So, next hot take, because we're just diving into hot takes and random things today, because that's what I do when I'm by myself. I just ramble, get it all out, psych therapy. If you've never had a conversation about what you actually like in bed, you're not in a relationship, you're actually like acting in a performance. So I want you to think about that for a second. Most people will spend time researching before a first date. Like they'll spend time more time researching before the date than they ever spend communicating about what actually feels good to them in the bedroom. I want you to process that. Uh oh, yeah. Okay. You'll scroll Yelp for 45 minutes. You won't spend 45 seconds saying, hey, I really like when you touch me here. Um, and it's not because we don't care, it's because we're never taught that our pleasure was worth discussing, especially living in Utah. Hi. Okay, women, especially, we're taught that sex was something that happened to us, not something we participated in. We perform in the dynamic, we make the sounds, we say it was great, we protect everyone's ego except for our own. Stop doing that, stop faking. Like, literally, I'm here to tell you. That's doing nothing but making it worse. And then we lie awake wondering why we feel so disconnected. So here's the truth: your partner cannot read your mind. Please send this podcast to your partner because they're gonna be like, uh yeah, amen to that girl. I'm gonna start following her. Okay. And if you've been faking it, like I said, or staying quiet, you have trained them to believe what they're doing is working. Do you see the problem here? Yeah. And that's not their fault. That is a communication problem. And that is actually your fault. So here's what you're gonna actually try and do. And hopefully this is helpful. Step one, I need you to start outside of the bedroom. So the worst time to have a conversation about what you like and don't like is in the middle of sex. So do not do that. Okay. Don't be like, you know, bent over, like taking a doggy style and being like, oh, hey, I don't really like it when you do that. No, okay. You need to have this conversation at dinner on a walk, maybe driving in the car somewhere where it's just chill, low stakes. We're not in the moment, right? Because we want to respect everyone involved. Um, something you can use this. I've been thinking about us, and I want to talk about what feels really good for me, and I want to know what feels really good for you. That's an opener to start the conversation, not mid-bang session. And hey, I don't like it when you pound hard like that, because then you just like shot his ego, and he's just like devastated. Okay. Step two, you're gonna use the yes, no, and maybe list. This is a real thing, and it actually works. You each independently write down sexual acts or scenarios. Yes, I want this. No, I don't want this. Maybe I'm curious about. Then you compare no judgment, no pressure, just information. It takes the performance pressure completely out of the conversation and turns it into curiosity. And it's actually kind of fun because you learn something about your partner and you're like, oh, I didn't know you were into that. Oh, you didn't know that maybe I was considering, yeah, okay. Okay, step three during sex. I need you to use direction and not criticism. Please save this episode because this is really helpful. I'm like, man, why have I not talked about this yet? So, not that doesn't feel good. Okay, that's err error, not good. Okay. Instead, say, I love it when you do this. Or can we try it like this? You're guiding, but not grading. You're not telling them something is negative. There's a massive difference, and one of them kills the mood, and one of them actually like builds it, creates curiosity and connection. Okay. Step four, start with one thing. You don't have to have the entire conversation all at once. Okay. Um, Josh says this all the time to me, and I'm really terrible at it. He's like, you don't need to boil the ocean in a day. Okay. So start with one thing you actually want. Say it out loud one time, you build from there. So you're not rewriting your entire sex life in one conversation. You're just starting to speak up. You guys do not believe me when I say this, but this is something that I get the most DMs about is like, how do I get my wife to want to try X? How do I get my husband to start doing Y? And it's so crazy to me that people in these marriages, committed relationships, can't communicate. Hopefully, this is helpful. Okay. Step five, you need to do the solo work first. I literally feel like I talk about this on every episode. Like, no matter what the topic is, no matter who we have, I talk about solo play all the time because you cannot communicate what you don't know. If you have never explored your own body, your own preferences, your own responses, start there solo. Before you can tell someone else what you want, you need to know what you want. Okay. That is not selfish. That is preparation. And you need to encourage your partner to do the same. And know that does not mean something is wrong with them. That does not mean they're dirty. That is not shameful. That is owning your body and then being able to deliver to your partner, because we don't read minds here. Remember, communicate. Um, deliver to your partner what you love and enjoy in the bedroom. Okay. And if this is making you uncomfortable, good. The discomfort is exactly where growth is going to come from. And this is where you have like a banging good sex life. Okay. So you deserve pleasure that is actually pleasurable, not performed, not tolerated, not fake. You need to actually feel it. You want to have that connection. Okay. We don't fake things here. We figure them out. Please DM me and let me know which one of these you're going to try. Or if you're stuck, I'm happy to help. Okay. Number four, faith, shame, and your body. We're going to talk about this. The most sexually repressed repressed people I have ever met grew up in the most religious homes. And hi, I live in Utah. And I say that with so much compassion because I was one of them. Okay. So I want you to be careful here because it's not, I'm not here to bash religion, faith, or the people who raised you. This is about what happens when an entire culture teaches you that your body is dangerous, that desire is shameful, that wanting pleasure for yourself, for your partner in your marriage is something to be managed, suppressed, confessed. It's bad. So that's what so many of us grew up with. Good old Utah culture is like top tier for that. So here's what this does to a person. It doesn't make the desire goes away. It makes you like afraid of it. And it creates this shame, this wall, this like fear. So you suppress it. You're perform the version of yourself that's acceptable. You smile and nod and do everything right on the outside. Okay. And on the inside, there's this whole secret life of curiosity and want and confusion that you've never once said out loud to anyone. And this is why none of you can talk to your significant others about doing this stuff. And this is why all these people are in my DM saying, How do I get my wife to do this? How do I ask my man to do that? Because this is the dynamic. So then you get married and suddenly you're supposed to flip a switch. Suddenly the thing that was sinful is now sacred. Your body you were taught to cover is now something to share. The desire you spent years suppressing is now something you're supposed to feel freely, and nobody gave you tools for that transition. So you carry the shame into the marriage bedroom, into your relationship with your own body, into every conversation about intimacy that you never quite know how to have. It's like this cycle of like madness, okay? And it's not because we're bad people, it's because nobody gave us permission to ask and understand and have a safe space. And that's something that I really am passionate about. And that's why I do what I do. And I get a lot of hate, you guys. I get a lot of hate for being the girl on the sex swing that lives in Utah. Trust me. I get a lot of nasty messages, I get a lot of nasty opinions, but I'm doing this because there are people that are suffering in this space every day. Okay. I want to say something clearly to anyone who grew up in this environment. You're not broken, you are not damaged, and you are not too far gone. You are just never given the space. And hi, I'm really trying to build the safe one. So we're gonna give you some actionable steps that make you filter through this dynamic. So, one, I need you to name the shame without judgment. So just acknowledge it. I grew up believing this about sex in my body. You don't have to agree with it anymore. You just have to see it clearly before you can move past it. Okay. It's like AA, but we're talking about owning our own bodies. Okay. Um, step two, you need to separate faith from shame. So these are these are not the same thing. You can be a person of deep, deep faith and still believe your body deserves pleasure. You can love God or whatever you believe in, okay? And also love your sexuality. Sexuality, I cannot talk today. Sexuality, say that 10 times fast. Um, those things are not in conflict, even if you taught they were teaching you that they were. They're not, okay. So get curious instead of guilty. I love that. So these are not when a thought or desire comes up that you've been trained to feel ashamed of, instead of suppressing it, I want you to get curious. Ask, where did the shame come from? Is it actually mine or was it handed to me? Because there's a lot of that dynamic. Okay. Also, fun fact, I actually posted on my Facebook today that Utah. Hold on, let me grab my phone. And this this proves my point in this entire dynamic. Okay, here we go. It says, hold on. Utah is apparently a little more kinky and twisted behind closed doors than anyone would have thought. Your kinky Utah, let's see, hold on, hold on. Let me let me tell you the actual article by Fox 13 News. It said Utah was searching BDSM. It was like the number, let me tell you. Hold I'm pulling it up. I shared it on my Facebook because I was like, yep. Utah is apparently a little more kinky than we realized. According to Fetish Finder, yeah, that's a thing. Utah ranked fourth in the states that are most curious about BDSM, which stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission, sadism, and maso. I just totally annihilated that and people are gonna make fun of me. Masoism, chishm. Oh my gosh, I cannot talk. So Utah generated roughly 330 BDSM-related monthly searches per 100,000 residents. So Utah is ranked top in the country. So we are actually number four. Number one is Virginia, two is Nevada, three is Washington. Number four. You little Mormon bitches like to get your booty spanked. And that's hot and it's fun, and we like to be in those fun experimental things. There was an article about it. Okay, so we're separating faith and shame. Okay. So I need you to find your safe people. So a therapist, a trusted friend, this podcast, somewhere you can say the thing out loud without being judged. Shame cannot survive without being spoken. So you need to get it out. Okay. Um, and number five, I need you to give permission in writing. So I mean this literally, write it down. I give myself permission to explore my own pleasure without shame. Okay. I give myself permission to get spanked in the booty with a paddle because I live in Utah and it's hot. Just kidding. But yes, owning it. So if this is you, if you grew up in a home or a culture that handed you shame about your body, about your sexuality, I need you to know that you found the right place. And hopefully you follow me and you're safe here. So the vain ones, because that's what I refer to you guys as now. It's so fun. It's like, I love it. So we're not here to judge where you came from, we're here to help you figure out where you're going together. So if this resonated with you, please let me know. I love getting your messages and let me know what you taught and what you're unlearning and that whole dynamic. And clearly it's a thing because Utah's number four on that article. Okay. All righty. Okay. So we're going to get into the juicy tea now. We're going to talk about a subject that I get a lot of questions about, and it actually is a pretty significant problem for the men. So if you have a man in your life, send him this podcast. If you struggle with this, you're not struggling in silence. We're going to talk through it. Okay. So we need to talk more about something that is way more common than anyone admits, and it's premature ejaculation. Okay. I said it out loud. Oh my gosh. Good thing this podcast is explicit. The number of DMs I get from both men and women about this, they're silent about it, they're shameful about it. They feel like they're the only ones. Like it's staggering, you guys. Okay. So let's kill the myth that it's just a nervous guy problem because it's not. Premature ejaculation affects roughly one in three men at some point in their life. It's not a character flaw. It's not weakness. You guys, it's not proof that he doesn't care. It can be caused by anxiety and performance pressure, hypersensitivity. Some men's nervous systems are simply more reactive. Hormonal factors, serotonin levels literally affect ejaculation timing. Did you know that? You know that now. Save that tip for later. Years of rushing during solo play, it trains your body to finish fast. Yeah. So let's go back to the purity culture dynamic. Shall we? Okay, you were told not to masturbate, not to jack off. You just gotta let your load out like you're a boy, you're normal. You can hear your parents are home from their date night and you're just hurrying and getting it done. That affects you in the future. Okay. So that's why we practice edging and that process. We'll get into that. Okay. So, or relationship stress that shows up in the bedroom, whether you invite it or not. Your body is not broken, it's responding to something. So here's where this gets complicated and a lot of men struggle. Men tie their sexual performance to their identity in a way that's genuine, it's heartbreaking. Like my DMs are it's heartbreaking. So when this happens, and it will happen to most men at some point in their life, the response is usually one of three things. Shut it down completely, avoid sex altogether, or they laugh it off and just don't address it, right? That comes back to that shame purity culture thing. We just don't address things. Rush them under the rug, okay? And meanwhile, your partner's sitting there thinking, is it me? Did I do something wrong? Does he not want me? Nobody's talking. And then everyone in the situation is actually suffering. So the shame is making it worse because anxiety about it happening makes it happen more. I know that's a brain puzzle. Think that through. So it's a cycle that only breaks when someone is brave enough to say, Hey, let me talk about this and hopefully let me find answers. So shout out to all of you that have messaged me about this, that know there's a problem. Um, how does it affect your relationships? When this goes unaddressed, it quietly erodes away at your intimacy. So she stops initiating because she doesn't want him to feel pressure. He stops initiating because he's terrified it's gonna happen again. And suddenly a couple who loves each other is like living like roommates. And it's not because the desire is gone, it's become, it's because he's got this like wall of shame, embarrassment, his ego is crushed. This is fixable, but only if you're willing to have the conversation. So hopefully this will help. So, this is how you're gonna talk to your partner about it. If you're the one experiencing it, say something like, I want to be more present with you in the bedroom. I've been in my head about finishing too fast, and it's affecting my confidence. Can we work on this together? No pressure, just us figuring it out. Listen, ladies, this involves you working with him, encouraging solo play and edging. Like because he is masturbating and doing solo play doesn't affect your dynamic. This can help things. So please, like, leave your ego at the door and be willing. Okay. If you're the partner dealing with this, because there's nothing worse, you know, ladies, we take like 25 to his two minutes, okay? There's nothing worse that he pops his champagne cork too soon and you're just like, well, that was uneventful. Okay. So if you're the partner, I want you to say something like, I want you to know that I'm not frustrated with you. I love being with you. I want us to feel good together, and I'm open to trying whatever helps you feel more comfortable. Okay. Here's what you don't do: you don't make jokes, you're not gonna sigh, you're not gonna look disappointed, you're not gonna be checking your phone, any of that. This moment requires gentleness and not like a performance review because it'll just cause more issues, okay? We're all about communicating. Okay, so let's get practical about techniques that actually can work and help. So, this is where the self-um solo sessions, the edging stuff comes in. Okay. So, ladies, just let your ego go, let your man masturbate because it's gonna fix the problem. So, this not only masturbating, but during sex too. So the stop-start method. So when you feel close, I want you to stop completely, let the sensation settle, then start again. You literally are retraining your nervous system because it's all connected. But you didn't know that, you know that now. Okay. The squeeze technique is another one you can try where when you're close, you generally squeeze just below under the head for like 10 to 20 seconds. This reduces that urge and it works surprisingly well. Okay. Slow down. Louder for the people in the back. Slow down. Okay. Frantic sex, I've said this over and over again, is not it. It's a trigger, longer floor foreplay. We need slower rhythm, which she's gonna like that more, anyways, more pauses, build connection, not just getting off. It's gonna bring you and your partner together, and it's also gonna help with this problem, okay? Breathe. I know this sounds so basic. She's a basic bitch, but breathe, okay. It changes everything. So deep, slow breath activates your parasympathetic nervous system, and it literally calms your physical response. Okay. Practice solo one more time, not rushed, not to finish fast. We are not 14 hiding in our mom's bedroom closet anymore. Okay. We are practicing solo, owning our own pleasurability, understanding our body, helping train our body for these moments. Okay. So you want to experience sustained arousal. Think of it as physical therapy for your nervous system. You're welcome. Okay. Products that help. Yes. These are things. So you can try desensitizing condoms. They're slightly thicker. They reduce sensitivity without killing all sensation completely. If you were like hard pass, I do not like condoms. No thanks. There's prolonging sprays and gels. I have so many available on my website. It's castybaby.shop. No shameless plug there. Um, they can be applied during sex, it reduces the sensitivity. The keyword is mild. You still want to feel things, and you just want a little bit of a longer runway. Um, cock rings are great too because they're worn at the base and they help maintain the erection and they can naturally slow the build to climax. So bonus, she usually loves them too because you get one that vibrates and it's a win-win. So the key with all of these is use them together with the conversation, products help, connection, conversation, physical therapy. Who knew we were going to talk about physical therapy when it comes to premature ejaculation? It actually helps. So if you are struggling with this, these are like things that can help. So here's what I want every man listening to hear. Your value as a partner is not measured in minutes. Okay. And here's what I want every partner listening to hear the way you respond in that moment will either build him up or break him down for months. So choose carefully. Communicate, okay? Because the most intimate thing two people can do isn't the act itself, it's what they do when it doesn't go perfectly. And that's just like therapy one-on-one, like how you respond, okay. And that's where real connection lives. Okay. So we're gonna jump to some DMs, okay? So we're gonna get to that segment now because now we've awkwardly talked about premature ejaculation. It's not awkward, okay? I get questions about this all the time. And if you're listening, you're like, that is my husband, please send him this podcast or a boyfriend or whatever. Okay. So we're getting into the DMs. Confessions in the DMs, DM number one. Cassidy, my husband and I haven't had sex in four months. I still love him. I'm not even mad at him. I'm just gone. Like the part of me has packed a bag and left. Like, is this fixable? Okay. First four months is a season. Okay. It's not like a life sentence. It does need some attention because desire doesn't just disappear for no reason. It doesn't just like, it's not like an on-off switch. Um, it goes underground when something isn't being addressed. So could be hormonal. We've talked about this. Could be emotional distance. Maybe your partner's not showing up for you in an emotional way to make you feel safe. Could be that you've both been running so hard that you forget to be the people for each other. Okay. Could be that kids are stressing you out, jobs are stressed out. There's a lot of things, okay? Start there, not with the sex, but with the connection, a conversation. It's so weird that the solution of sex with all the sex issues, I just keep getting into it, is have a conversation. It is wild to me how so many people cannot talk about sex. So I'm here to tell you you need to talk about sex, okay? So if you need help with this, this is what therapy is good for. Hormone check, the show, whatever it takes. You're not broken, you're just kind of buried, and you have to open up and talk through the things. Try the things, try these suggestions I've given given before you're gonna get anywhere, or you're gonna literally drift off into the like no sex island, which no one wants to be on that island. Okay. I'm a 29-year-old woman and I've never once told a partner what I actually want in bed. I am not shocked by this. Not once. I just go along with whatever. How do I even start the conversation without it being weird? First, it's not weird. I actually think guys would be turned on by it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but men are like into that kind of kinky shit, right? They they want to know what turns you on, they want to see what turns you on, they're very visual creatures. So it's not weird. It's just something you're unfamiliar with. And hopefully listening to this podcast makes you become more familiar with it. So you have spent 29 years doing the things instead of like actually enjoying it. So that's gonna end now. So when you just start small, one thing next time say, I really like it when you do this. Or can we try this? You don't need a TED talk, you just need one honest sentence, okay? And then another. This is TMI, but I'm gonna share it with you. Like me going through some hormonal changes and now being supplementing some estradology because estrogen things were out of whack. Me and Josh, I was like, okay, we can't do this with like we we gotta make sure that we have like extra lube. Like we always use lube, but we gotta use extra lube or foreplay, we need to use extra lube. Like having those conversations, it doesn't mean I didn't offend him, I didn't any of that. It was just like, okay, yeah, noted, moving forward. Like then you get more comfortable and you're able to do these things, okay? Um, this is a funny DM because I just want to read it because it's hilarious. Casty, what is your honest take on men who lead with their height on dating apps? Like, I'm 6'2 is their entire personality. Okay, I love this because I'm married to someone who is not 6'2. And this was something that I did notice when I like was on online dating for a minute. Like that was like a thing. But a man who leads with his height has decided that his most impressive quality is something he did nothing to achieve. So, ladies, when you look on a dating app and you see that he says he's 6'2, um he did nothing to achieve that. So, mental note. Okay, that's the take. Next. Okay. Before I get into covet this, this is gonna be a very good theme for today's episode. After everything we talked today, talked about today. If you grew up being told your body was something to manage, this one's for you, okay. This little device is a spicy disaster, and I love it. So the name is I call it the tulip, okay? So the shape, it literally looks like a flower, okay? And I love that because pleasure should be like there isn't just one way, and I love this because this is like the everything toy. So it can be there for like nipple stimulation, clitoral simulation, inserted inside for that G-spot stimulation. You choose yourself, like it's like all the things, okay. It has four motors, one in each pedal and one in the handle, which means you're not just getting vibration, you're getting targeted layered sensation, which is super fun. 10 vibration intensities, five modes, rechargeable, waterproof, body safe silicone per usu. And yes, it works for men too. You can put it on the nacho area, which is nacho balls and nacho booty hole. Okay, you can put it on the testicles, the penis tip. It's a great like product that works for both of you. Um, I mentioned in hot take number four, I and you are sitting here thinking, I've never really explored what my body likes. This would definitely be a step one for you. I highly suggest this one. So, not because you need a toy, because you deserve to know yourself and figure out your body. So the tulip is in my shop. Link in the show notes. It's castybibby.shop. 100% five-star reviews. People love this. Cover this, you've earned it. So, next we are going to get into the law of casty because this is a quickie and I don't want to keep you all day long. And we've learned a lot in a small amount of time. So, here's the law of Cassidy for today. You know me and my laws. So, somewhere along the way, someone handed you a rule book about your body, about your desires, about what you're allowed to want, feel and say out loud. And you don't have to be continuing to follow it. That's what I'm saying here. And somewhere along the way, your brain got stuck in this loop. The same 95% of thoughts on repeat, telling you that you're behind, telling you you're too much, telling you you're too loud, telling you to be smaller, quieter or less. You don't have to keep listening to that rule book, okay? Stop performing your life and start living it in the bedroom, in the boardroom, at work, in your own head, with your kids, with your friends, write your own rules, break the loop, show up anyway. That's not rebellion. That is the law of just living life to the fullest, okay? So that's it for today's quickie, short, spicy. And I hope at least one of these takes made you send a voice note to someone, or this to your man or your lady or whatever. If this episode hit, please share it, tag it, tag me, tell a friend. The vain ones grow when you bring your people to be part of the group. Okay. And if you have a DM you want read on this show, slide in the DMs. I am always there. I'm Cassidy, the law of Cassidy, and I'll see you next week.