She Lost Her Ex-Husband to Suicide... This Changed Everything

Mental health shouldn’t be taboo — but in places like Utah, it still is.

In this episode of The Law of Cassidy, I sit down with Jessi Campbell — mom, speaker, fitness coach, and founder of the Momentum Project — to talk about the real, unfiltered side of motherhood, mental health, faith, and rebuilding your life after everything falls apart.

After losing her ex-husband to suicide, Jessi was forced to confront her own struggles, her identity, and what it truly means to keep going for her kids.

In this Episode we get into: 

💋 The reality of mental health struggles no one talks about
💋 Losing someone to suicide and how it changes you
💋 Divorce, single motherhood, and starting over
💋 The pressure of Utah culture and “fitting the mold”
💋 Faith, religion, and redefining your relationship with God
💋 Why so many women feel alone (even when they’re not)
💋 Building a life, a voice, and a community from nothing
💋 The importance of creating safe spaces for real conversations

This episode is raw, emotional, and honest.

If you’ve ever felt alone, misunderstood, or like you’re carrying more than anyone sees — this one is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Living in Utah, mental health is so freaking taboo. And I think also after losing my ex-husband to suicide, I was like, why is mental health not talked about more? And like, even for males, I know I'm coming from more of a woman perspective, but for males, like I know my ex-husband had different issues and different things, but talking about mental health and making a safe space for women to know, look, I'm talking about this, I'm talking about this, kind of like you, just like with sex and all the things, like it should not be taboo.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Guys, welcome back to The Law of Cassidy, where we talk intimacy, business power, healing, and we have conversations that most people are too uncomfortable to have. Today's guest is Jessie Campbell. Hi. Hi. She's a mom public speaker, podcast host, and founder of I Do Not Wanna Say This Wrong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Mom. Yeah. Mom and mom. So it's momentum, but it's a play on words. So Momentum Project. I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Um, and an online fitness coach. And we were just talking about how I she even like came into my sphere. And this Hottie McCottie was modeling lingerie. So before we get into like all that, give us that story. What was that?

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Yeah. So Ballard Venues, which is in Draper, Utah. Um, they just like needed some models they posted, and so I was like, hey, I'll do it. And then we did not know our lingerie, like what we were wearing, though, till the day before. So I was kind of thinking, because it was partnered with Ivy City. So I was kind of thinking maybe a little more modest.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Like Ivy City, the dresses. Yes, the dresses. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

And so I was kind of thinking this is gonna be like cutie lounge wear. Nope, full on, like my ass was out, like red lingerie, like everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Yeah, so I see this Hottie McCottie, like just walk in, and I'm like, yeah, look at this girl. And I hit follow, and then we connected. And here we are. Here we are. So I always like to start with some rapid fire warm-up random questions. I want the world to get to know you. So coffee or pre-workout?

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Coffee.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Okay. Do you have a certain coffee like?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

No. I mean, like, I was raised super Mormon, so never drink coffee, but I do like the golden eagles from Dutch Bros. Yeah. Ice or hot. I can go either way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

I have to get sugar free. I try and make it better, but even the sugar-free is terrible. But it's so good. So good, yes. Shout out to Dutch Bros. Yes. Sponsor uh Snake.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Uh, most used emoji right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Laughing crying emoji.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Okay, just because I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

I laugh at everything.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

But then you're crying too.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

But I'm crying to. I don't know. Like I'm just always like, oh ha ha, lol.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

I love it. Okay. Biggest green flag in a person.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Green flag. Like positive. Like, oh yeah, that's um. I would say like lighthearted person. Like I feel like when I meet someone and they're just aura and their energy is just like light and not heavy. Yeah. I green flag. Green flag.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Okay. Um, what's your toxic trait? Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Um, toxic trait. Oh, like I've been screwed too many times. Like, if you do something, I will find out about it. Like, I will deep dive you on the internet, like FBI agent.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

Oh, girl, we need to start an agency. Like, I will find your cousin's sister's brother's wife, second removed. I'll know where you went to high school. Exactly. And I'm gonna find your address.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Yes, I'm psychotic like that. Perfect. Don't screw me over.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

Don't screw her over. Noted. Okay. Um, best and worst part of being a mom.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Oh my gosh. I think the best part is healing part of myself. I think raising kids, um, how I want to raise them, and healing like a little inner Jesse. I think the worst part is that every day is a new day. Like you never know how your kids are gonna wake up, you never know. And so it's a new challenge every day that you kind of have to face and battle, which I think just has challenges, challenges in and of itself.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

So yeah, that is so true. Okay, last thing that made you laugh out loud.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Oh my gosh. My husband's gonna kill me.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Oh, this is gonna be a good one.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

He okay, we were running and he just he ripped ass like really bad and like could not breathe and was gagging and laughing, and yeah. That's the worst, man. Sorry, babe.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

Shout out to that. At least it wasn't in bed. I hate it when my husband sorry, sorry to my husband. Under the shed, oh it and they they just act like it just doesn't like it.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

And I'm like, I like we all fart, but like, are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_02 4:25

It's like so bad you can taste it. Yes, it's so terrible. Yes, okay. So um, if your life had a reality show title, what would it be?

unknown 4:33

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Chaotic Jesse. Chaotic Jesse. Chaos in Jesse's life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Yeah, we all have chaos.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Okay, so I kind of want to go into the like mom dynamic and like who you are and your like core story and identity. So what was a defining mom meant? Yeah. Um, in your life that completely shifted your direction.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Oh man, I have a lot of those. Um this one's more recent, but and I don't know if you want to get into it, but my ex-husband passed away a little bit over a year.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

Do you want to get into that?

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Yeah. Um, I feel like for me, that was a defining moment as a mom only because I had struggled with just suicidal ideology um throughout my life. And when that happened, I was like, there's no way I can leave my kids. Like there is just nothing that could happen on this planet that I would want to leave my child. And before I kind of was just like, I don't want to be here anymore, and we can get into more of that. But that was definitely a defining moment as a mother of I cannot leave my child on this earth by themselves.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

Um, are your kids connected to that dynamic?

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Yes. So my son is connected to my ex-husband. Um, and then I'm remarried and have a daughter with it.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

How was he with that dynamic?

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Uh my husband now.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

No, your son that was connected to your ex-husband.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Yeah, so he passed away when my son was four. Okay. Um previous to that though, the last time he had seen him was September of 24. So it and he had passed away in February of 25. So he FaceTimed on Christmas and his birthday, which was a couple like a week apart from each other, and that was kind of it. Um he did, I just tell everyone he did the best he could, but it wasn't what he should have done, in my opinion, as a father. Um but he was not super involved with my son. My son understood it though. He understood like he's in heaven, he, you know, he died. Um, he does not know more than that, but he hasn't asked, he asks every now and again, just as curious kids do. But my husband's a been a part of his life since he was one. So he's dad. He's dad.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, so um give us a little bit about um like your story and maybe some stuff that people could misunderstand or never see about you.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

I think I think most people misunderstand what I went through in high school and what I went through in middle school. I mean, I moved when I was 12 years old. I moved from pretty much everyone and everything I knew. And so going into a high school, um, my hair's straight, but I have very naturally curly hair. I was tall, um, not your typical Utah County girl. Like, um Which is a thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

It is, yes, they're all blonde and 95 pounds.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

No, literally, like, and I just didn't fit that. I was very tall, like flat chested, braces, curly hair. Like I just did not fit the Utah standard. And I didn't, I don't even think I realized that there was a Utah mold until moving out of Utah. Like, yeah, there is such a dynamic of how you fit in here, which sucks. And so I think in high school, like I was really boy crazy. I was just, I had a lot of things going on in my home life, and I feel like so many people misunderstood that. They just were like, there's this crazy girl who's obsessed with boys, and I'm like, you don't know half the crap of my story, and that then I feel like also bled into college a little bit of kind of went off the deep end, um, just drinking and partying.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Was it off the deep end though, or was it off the deep end in the dynamic of the Utah culture?

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Dynamic of the Utah culture.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

So that's not off the deep end. No, because I think I think that's just how we're raised, right? Like we deal with this living in Utah and being, and that's also why I do this podcast and it's called The Law of Cassidy. Yeah. If you know, you know. But yeah, so when I I and I'm sorry to interrupt you in in that dynamic, but I'm like, we just naturally do that, right? Like off the deep end, I call that finding yourself. Yes, right? Like having learning, experiencing, and figuring out what is the path you want to go on.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Yeah. So I think that being raised um more very Mormon, and it's just you don't drink, you don't do this, you don't take this, you don't, and it's like, okay, but why? Kind of like your last episode. You were talking, there's no why, there's no explanation.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Yeah, and it's it's sex too. Like it's very shameful. And then people are dealing with not understanding their own bodies and their partners' bodies, and then we deal with a whole thing, which we're gonna get into the whole faith evolution here. So okay, um, who were you before life got hard, and who are you now because of it?

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Oh man, I feel like I was a very tiny person inside. I think I have a very loud outgoing personality, so I feel like a lot of people know that about me. I'm just very loud, outgoing, bubbly. But inside I was like a shell of human. And then after probably the last five to six years of my life, I've grown into this like, no, like I'm a badass. Like, I'm like, I've been through some shit and nobody's gonna take that away from me, but I'm also not gonna fall victim to it. And I'm just gonna be a better person and share more of my story so more women know, like, it's okay to go through hard shit and you'll come out a better person because of it.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Yeah. So can you share a moment where everything felt like it was falling apart, but it was actually like falling into place? Like, yeah, I've had so many moments like that, right? And you're when you're in it, you're you're in it.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I um it was probably my divorce, becoming single mom. That was I had no family. Um, I had stopped talking to my family, and I was pr essentially cut off from everyone siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles. I was not able to talk to anybody. Um, I moved out of state, and I was trying to make it work with my ex-husband, you know, maybe some separation would do us well, and then I found out he was cheating. So it didn't matter. Like I was just like, we're it's over. Um, and then so going through that, you know, I I constantly was like, Why God? Like, why do I have to become a single mom? Like, I work so hard for all the things that I I do in my life. Um so and I I started sharing an apartment with another single mom, and my son was eight or eight to nine months old. And I just like that I feel like was also kind of my defining moment of going into who I am now. I guess just being a single mom was one of the hardest things, and I wasn't one for a long like a very long period of time. I know there's women who go their whole lives being a single mom, but that kind of just led into everything that I'm doing now.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

So yeah, which and I don't even know what that's like. I don't know if you watched the episode where I had one of my best friends, Haley, on here, where she lost her husband when her son was seven days old in a tragic car accident, and just taking on that mom role, yeah, but also doing it alone. Like that's it's so shout out to all the single moms out there. I don't know how how you do it. It takes a freaking army, and I dust one. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Okay, so what do you know about your own strength that you didn't know five years ago?

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Hmm. What do I know about my own strength? I the fact that I got through stuff that I feel like not every person can get through. I think there's things I went through that nobody, like I'm in therapy right now, and we were talking about how some of the things I've experienced, like sometimes 80-year-olds don't even experience like they don't experience like death and stuff. Like most people don't experience that until a lot later in life. And so she was like, You're pouring into this cup of being a 27-year-old and you're having to deal with all these things that most people don't typically deal with, like divorce at 21. Like that's not I feel like now it's a little bit more typical just because being in Utah, people get married at such a young age, and they're now learning because of those decisions that those relationships don't work. And um yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

It's something that I always hone in on that we all have shit and you don't know everyone else's shit. And Brooke said it perfectly that episode where she was like, I would rather take my own struggles and my own shit than someone else's because if we really saw behind closed doors like what they're going through, I'll keep my shit.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Yeah, you know, like yeah, and everyone's is so different too, and it's served to you for a reason. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

So, okay, so your relationship with the Mormon church has been evolving. Yes. So what does that mean for you? And then I'll kind of share my stance, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Yeah, you should, yeah. Um so I guess we we go back, like I was born into the church, my parents are LDS, um, and they I've always gone. I didn't know anything different um growing up. I don't think I necessarily fought with the church very much. I know there's a lot of people who are you know in their teenage years and they they're like rebellious. I like I didn't care to go to church, but I had friends at church, and so living in Utah, everyone's Mormon. You just you just go to church. Um I will say, like, there was consequences if I didn't go to church. So that was also like you have to go to church, and there that's not an option. Um, which I feel like is changing a little bit too in the dynamic of parents are being a little bit more open, which I think is great.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

It's only like two hours now, too. I know, right? Yeah, I always like a raw dog in it four hours.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

I'm like, like, yeah, in college is when they like took it down to two hours. I'm like, so my whole life. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and then in college, I got into drinking, like smoking. Um, and so that kind of took a little turn of just like something different, like kind of what you said earlier, just like, who am I gonna be in my life? And dabbled in that, and then um met my husband, had sex before marriage, um, got pregnant. So I think there's a lot of things that as I was growing up, like I was just I don't know. The last couple years though, we lived in Arizona and like finding myself and realizing that God just loves me for me, and Jesus loves me for me, and he doesn't care at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

Yeah, I always joke about so I have have you ever seen the picture of Christ in any of my the by Jenny Fowler, the hot Jesus picture?

SPEAKER_01 14:27

I don't maybe. I don't know. Yeah, you should show me.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

So there's a hot hot Jesus picture. Hot Jesus Picture picture Chris Cornell, and all my friends are like, call him the hot Jesus. Yeah. But um I raised Mormon, my husband served a mission. Okay. Um, we are what you would say. I don't know. I've had people call me Jack Mormon. I just like to say I have see this is hot Jesus. Let's see, it's hot Jesus. Oh, yes, yep. Yeah, you know. Yeah, you know, you know. I'm pretty sure I have that picture in my house. See, everybody every Mormon does. Yes. Um I truly believe, and I I've joked with my dad about this. I don't know if he loves it, but I've been like, man, we're gonna die. We're all gonna die one day, and we're all gonna end at the same place, and you're gonna be mad you didn't have a margarita. Like, yeah. I mean, it's like but my parents are very supportive. Um, I've been very um, I think people either go one way or the other. Yes. I think people who decide the church isn't for them go to the level of like anti. Yep, which age. I don't, I don't like the anti, I don't like the let's smear campaign, let's talk, all this. Yep, I don't like that. Or you I if I want to go on Easter, I go. Yeah, if I want to go on Christmas, sounds great. Yeah. If I want to let, you know, the cute little, I don't even know what they call them, the Relief Society housekeeper, home teachers, what do you what do they call them now? I don't even know. Came to my house and it was so fun. Like they I just caught up with them.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Ministering, ministering sisters. Oh, that wasn't a thing. Yeah, it's now a thing. Like I left when I was like 16. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

But like I'm very and so one of my ministering sisters, she listens to this, she's gonna be like, She talked about me. Not gonna name drop, but she's like in my neighborhood too. So we like her at the bus stop every morning. Yes, and something fun about her is she has created content just based off Christ. So her entire social media is just sharing about her belief in Christ and like sharing that message. And I'm like, isn't it so cool that there could be somebody like you? Yeah, and somebody like me, uh-huh, and we're good. And we're good and it's because we don't fall into the mold of the Utah Mormon dynamic. So I'm here to tell you if your friend is in his sex swing on the internet and doesn't go to church every week, but she's there on Easter, she still loves Jesus and she's still a good person. Yes, yeah, but yeah, I truly believe that. I just think be a good person. I I I absolutely hate the judgmental side of it. I wish the church was more about your your I think the people ruin the church. Yes. And my mother has taught me that. She has always said, man, and my parents are very Mormon, yeah, but my mom is also very open. Yeah. And she has always taught me that, you know, man makes mistakes and man is not perfect, and God is perfect. And, you know, that bishop could say that thing that was offensive to you, or that bishop could make the choice to punish you differently than another. And what you have to remember is it has nothing to do with man, and it has everything to do with your like relationship with Christ. I did not know we were gonna go all Jesus here, but there you go, guys. That's my stance on religion. Okay. So um what if you had to separate faith versus like institution? Like, how are you living your life now that you are like, I'm good, I'm fine. Like, are you raising your kids in the church? Are you choosing not to? Where are you at?

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Yeah, that's been something that my husband and I have kind of so my husband's actually a convert, so he was not his family, is not like really religious at all. Um they went to like little non-denominational Christian churches when he was growing up.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Rock band church. What have you heard of rock band church? No. Oh my gosh, rock band church is the best. Okay. So you wear jeans and you drink coffee and they play. There's like a rock band. I call it rock band church, and they're like, Jesus loving, you gotta Google it. It's the it's the thing. Okay, yeah. That's like non-don, that's what I call rock band church.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Yeah, yeah. No, anyways, I'm like rock band church. Rockband church, yeah. No, so he wasn't raised like in any particular way. Um, met missionaries when he was 16 because his sisters were little hotties, and that's how he was like, Oh, they're cute. Gave him, you know, a time of day. He went into the Navy for a little bit. Um, and then after he got back, um, he was just going through sobriety different things and found sobriety through the church and converted. Um, it was about a year before I met him. And so we actually met through like YSA church and we got married, sealed in the temple.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Remind me what that stands for.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Uh Young Single Adults. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Sorry, I knew it was something I've heard it before, but I was like, what was that again?

SPEAKER_01 18:41

And I technically was not supposed to be in that ward because I had a kid, but I was like, I'm literally 22 with a one-year-old. Like, can I not? I'm not going to some family ward. Like, oh yeah, no. No, no. So I don't know how it worked, but Jesus worked his ways. Jesus worked his ways. But yeah, so convert, and then we were living in Arizona and we explored just a couple different churches and we found one that we like really liked, but we were still going to Mormon church. Um, and then we moved back to Utah. Good old Utah. And my husband hates the church here. And I don't want to speak too much for him and like his testimony and everything, but we're aligned on a lot of stuff. Um, we were living with my parents for about a year, and it was like kind of a requirement to go to church while living there. And after we we bought our house and moved out, like, I don't know, we just there's just things in the Utah ideology that we don't want our kids to experience or raise. Um, and my story is very different than his because he's a convert. So he, you know, is just like, love God, God loves me, Jesus loves me, like helped me find all the yeah, we're good. But he also doesn't believe in, I mean, he's got a full sleeve of tattoos, like he doesn't believe in like, okay, we have to go to church every single Sunday to be the best people in the whole world. Like, um, but we're still very spiritual, religious people. We love God. We um we've just looked at like a couple different Christian churches throughout the valley, and I love worship music. That was never a thing growing up, and like worship music, I feel like is what touches me and like love, like I love it so much, and that's how I feel like I've found Jesus in Christ and just understood that they love me for me, and like there is a reason like Jesus died for us, and like we have that forgiveness process, but not I feel like how you said how man have kind of taught it in the religion, and I feel like perfectionism also falls in the church a lot. Um, just being black or white, and I feel like the churches, you either have to be all in and wearing your garments and wear like do doing all these things or you out, like, and that for me is like way too complex.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Like, I that's I call it checkbox church. Yes, like we're checking a box, and I'm like, how about instead of wearing why Sister Smith is not wearing her garments, we instead check on her and say, like, hey, is there anything I can help you with? Seems like you're kind of overwhelmed by your kids. Can I bring you dinner? Or you know, just know that Jesus loves everyone. I think we get caught up in the man dynamic of it, and it kind of like ruins the entire structure of Vidal. Yeah, but I do think people are getting better.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

I do think, yes. We, I mean, in Arizona, I mean everyone says, unless people have not lived outside of Utah, they don't know. They don't know.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

It's different.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

And I was raised in Washington, born in California. We moved here when I was 12. So, like, I do have some church concepts of what it's like, and then lived in Arizona for four years, and it is a different world. Like, no one cares that I have tattoos. Like, no, like all the things, but like Utah, it's like, oh, she has tattoos. Oh my god, so crazy.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Well, I'm getting another one, so you live in the Mecca, you're in the you're in the thick.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

I'm in lovely Utah.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

You're in eagle, you're yeah, you're in the thick of it. Okay, so we're gonna talk about GLP ones because you know it's controversial. Yes. So you recently started one?

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Yeah, literally next week.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

This week? Yes. Oh, so you're freshy. Oh, I'm fresh. Okay, and what made you decide to try it?

SPEAKER_01 21:56

And how has the week been? Okay, we might have to cut this. So Just saying that. Um, a brand reached out to me.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

So I don't know if that's fine to I don't care. Okay. All right. Yeah. Um, brand reached out to me. Um, I had already had, and my friends know who've done GLP ones, I've had very strong opinions on them. Okay. Because I do feel like women abuse them. They do. They as we've recently seen, like women do abuse them. Yeah. Um, and I do think that's kind of like it's a disease, you know, when we are kind I feel like shifting towards a skinnier culture again. And but I have been fit and done sports my whole entire life. I've weightlifted since high school, like on and off, like not consistently. I just fitness has been a lot of my mental health healing too. So with GLP1s, yeah, brand reached out. I went back and forth a lot on it to whether or not to work with it just because I did have such strong opinions. Talk to some of my friends who are in the fitness and functional world. Um I started at a very low dose, so I'm just gonna do it for 90 days, kind of see how it goes. Um, side effects though, I mean I'm on day like four or five, and like I've been pretty nauseous. Like, I don't understand how women want to. I can see though, if you're desperate and you're like, I need to lose weight.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Can you tell me which one you're on?

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Uh trazipatide, terzipatide, however you say it.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

So top, I have all the hacks. Okay. Because I will forever have to microdose for the rest of my life. Yeah, do you have PCOS? Um, technically, you would I mean Hayley, if Haley was sitting here, she would tell you why I have to microdose the rest of my life. Yeah. Um, so very minimal amount, but um you always just have to be on top of your protein. Yeah. When I say protein, it's not like liquid chug it down protein. It's like actual substance protein. Yeah. Um, and then water too, being hydrated. So um, yeah, but nausea was a thing when I was on semaglutide. Semaglutide was a bitch. Okay. Tore me up. Yeah. Um, trizepatite's kind of like the um luxury version. You got like the Camry. Yeah. The car, the camry, the Toyota Camry. It's the job done, right? And then you have like the Lexus and the trizeptide, so it's usually more expensive, and it's yeah, and it also depends on where it's being compounded, made, whatever. So that could also be part of it. But my most advice I will give you is continue to eat. You have to eat, you have to drink your water.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Yes, you have to, yes, and that's the route I've taken with promoting it as well as to women that this is not a quick fix. This is not a let's just shed a bunch of weight, let's actually use it as a tool. So that's I'm training for a half right now, and so I'm like, we're using it as a tool on top of hitting my macros, water intake. Like, this isn't just let's lose weight and then gain it all back because I feel like it's it is it's unhealthy doing it that way.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Yeah, well, and everyone saw um like the dynamic with Layla. Like whoever, whoever prescribed that to Layla, like what are you doing? Yeah, like where are you? Yeah, like there's a dynamic there that it's yeah, and I'll I'll admit when I first started mine with Haley, I got real thin. Okay. And then I and then I came to her because I was self-aware. Yes. And I was like, we're too thin. Yeah. And then she's like, I was like, I'd like to gain 10 pounds. Yeah. And then we reversed me out of it, and I did, and I've maintained and I'm fine. I just don't think people can. And that's why Haley's always been like, you've done so well with them, because I'm you have to be self-aware.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Yeah. So like I've dropped five pounds in a week. Yeah. And I'm already like, I like I'm like, I'm good. Like I don't need to lose more weight. Like, I'm but when you are, I feel like eating and you're maintaining, you're doing the right things, it helps. That's why it's there as a tool. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

So has anyone had any opinions? Used to have opinions, so now do you feel like you're kind of like in the line of like this hypocritical like dynamics? And do you feel like you need to explain yourself, or are you just like whatever?

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Uh my friends know me. They know, like I told them right, like one of my friends, she's gonna watch this. Shout out, Kayla. She's gonna be like, you hypocritical. I told her though, I told her. Um, and I was just like, you know, I think there's nothing wrong with trying it, but my big MO to people that are gonna watch this or listen is that to use it healthily. That's like my whole way of going about it, not hiding it, not not talking about it, just being like, I am using this as a tool.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

And I think I just want to make that clear to people that yeah, and one of my favorite, favorite clients in the Hot Wide World childhood, Carly. I wonder if that's who you talk to. No, I don't know, maybe actually she's in Utah County, and she has thrived in a business dynamic of it. Yeah, like that girl will be printing money. Like, I'm like so proud of her, and she looks amazing and she's done really well. And I've like watched her whole journey, like she's supported my business for years, yeah. And I've watched her whole journey with this, and she's built it into this business with a brand dynamic.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

She's awesome. She loves to be great. Okay, um, how do you stay? We're gonna get to some intimacy stuff because that's what we do here. So, how do you stay connected to yourself, not just as a mom, but as a woman?

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Oh, as a woman. That's something I feel like I'm sometimes still navigating myself. Um, I feel like recently, like I've literally just started training for half marathon, but running has like helped me clear my head as like and like lifting can do that, but I feel like sometimes when you're just lifting, you're like, oh yeah, like let me get a pump. Like it's like just pump it up, and it's you're not really clearing your head. So I feel like running, I'm just like, oh my gosh, I can be myself. Like no one's I'm not scrolling on social media, I'm not this different type of person. Um Yeah, I don't know. No, no, it totally makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

I mean, I which I'm terrible because this year has been insane. There's so much good happening, but like I zend into that with books. Oh, okay. So I have always been, I don't read, I don't read, I don't read. And in my therapy journey that started last spring because my life was imploding, my marriage was imploding. Okay, um, my therapist suggested that I read, and I like literally laughed out loud. I was like, I don't really know. I'm not doing it, and we went to Hawaii and I read a book and um like self-help books, what kind of books? Oh no, it was the smuttiest, smuttiest book in the world. And then it like improved my sex life, and then like I was connecting with my husband, but it helped me like shut off my brain, and I cannot listen to a book. No because if I'm listening to a book, I'm also folding laundry, cleaning, sending an email, and then my brain's not shutting off. Like I literally, my favorite place to book is in a sauna. So if you ever borrow a book from me, they are all like sonified. Yeah. Like they are like the pages are all because I love to because we have a sauna and I love to spin my sauna and read. So okay. So I always say that intimacy with yourself starts like before the bedroom. Like it's knowing what you want, what you need, what lights you up. But I also think there's something to be said for the physical side, like actually taking care of your like own pleasure. So if you're open to this, we can talk about it. Yeah, are you like pro like self-love masturbation than having to or not?

SPEAKER_01 28:54

Yeah. Let's okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

And what's your journey like? Like, yeah, have you ever used a sex toy before? And it's okay to say no. Like, we are in Utah. I deal with this all the time.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Okay. Yeah, no, definitely sex toys. My husband actually introduced sex toys in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

Good job, husband.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Oh, yeah, he knows. He knows. Yeah. So we I'd actually never in my previous marriage, I'd never used a sex toy. It's normal. I yeah, I was uh he served my ex-husband, had served part of a mission and like more of the typical LDS relationship between us. Um, and then yeah, my now husband being a convert, I don't know if that has anything to do with it. He just grew up different, like sprinkles on his ice cream cones. Yes, spice. Yeah. And so I actually you're gonna die. I went to a Mormon bachelorette party.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

This is not shocking.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

And it was a brunch. It wasn't even like you're in Arizona, and this girl was getting gifted vibrators.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Oh, okay. It wasn't a sex party. No, I was hoping you were gonna say that.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

I was like, I used to do those, so yeah, yeah, and I'm literally sitting there. I have a kid, I've never used a vibrator before. I think I'd like fondled myself when I was younger, you know, the typical exploratory 14-year-old, whatever. I had been with boys too in high school, and um, but I was like, wait, sex toys are allowed in the church?

SPEAKER_02 30:10

That's such a thing to me.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

So taboo because I had never, and my parents like that was just not a topic in our household. Like my husband's household was like, if you're gonna have sex, like use safe, you know, protection, whatever, like make sure it's with someone you love. It was a lot more explained to him. So for Mother's Day, it was like a couple months after we got married. He went into a sex store and bought me a vibrator. Had a boy, yeah, and that was a game changer in our sex life. Game changer. My gosh, like orgasm. I'd never orgasmed before. I didn't know what orgasming was. I didn't even know that was a thing. And I feel like a lot of LDS women will feel this. I feel like crying after sex is sometimes like triggering. I don't know. I don't know if you've experienced that, but like I cried after sex a lot in my previous marriage and going into this marriage with my husband, and then I realized like, oh my gosh, I think my body is just, I don't know, like releasing stuff. Like just yeah, totally. Just I don't know. And so that has stopped, and like orgasms are the best thing in the world. And so when women are like, I have an orgasm, like, have you used a sex toy? I'm like, any have you tried different like I love your own?

SPEAKER_02 31:15

It's breaking down and it's breaking down like the barrier of communication and allowing like and I've said this in my podcast before, like, it is not taking away from your partner, not being able to do X, Y, and Z. It's literally like backed by science, especially with age. You're too young to even know this, but I'm getting there. Like, like you're the neural pathways of the nerves like around your clitoris, like, there is a dynamic where like sex therapists, couples will come in and they'll be like, Oh, she never wants that, whatever. And it's like, get a sex toy. Yeah, like this has nothing to do with you. This has nothing, this has to do with what is happening with her body. And if people understood that more, and that's something I've always been passionate about. That's why this podcast is here, that's why I'm launching this brand. And people that are my clients that are listening will know, like, yes, we've been to Cassidy's parties. We know that she's passionate about that, and it hasn't came easy, right? Like, especially in Utah, like people who know me love me, they support me, but then people would be like, Oh, what does she do? And then they meet me and they would have an experience at a party or whatever, and then they would love me. Like, but it's just having a safe space, and I mean, good for him for going to the store because a lot of people don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

And now we have a bunch of different sex toys, and like I don't know, sex life is great when you like learn how to use it correctly and doing it right. Like, I just thought I literally, and I feel like most women think this sex is for men. I literally thought that.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Like, I was just kind of trained that way.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Yeah, like I was like, Well, what's the point of me having sex? Great, like, just to get a baby. Like, no. So once you bought that sex toy, game changer. Game changer.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Yeah, gentlemen, if you're listening, go get her a vibrate vibrator and don't go to the store. Go to it's castybibby.shop.

unknown 32:51

Yes!

SPEAKER_02 32:52

Okay, so I always do like little snippets, and then I'm gonna talk about your little I'm momentum. It doesn't matter. Okay, good with whatever. Um, so we're gonna read some DMs and you're gonna help me answer them. Is that cool? Oh, okay. Okay, I love my kids more than anything, but I genuinely don't know who I am anymore outside of being a mom. Like my whole identity just disappeared. How do I find myself again without feeling guilty about it?

SPEAKER_01 33:17

I think I would ask some questions first. Like I'd be like, what do you do for yourself? Yeah. I feel like that's typically a therapist's question too. What are you doing for yourself? Because we can't, especially in younger kids' age, like when they're really little, there's not a lot you can go out and do. And I think you also need to communicate that to your partner. I think your partner, you need to be like, I'm drowning and I need help. So I would ask them, what's going on with your partner? Is he supportive of you doing stuff for yourself? I did not have that in my first marriage. It was like, no, you're at home. And with my husband now, he's like, Yeah, go get your hair done, like go out. I mean, even this, like he was like, Yeah, go to Salt Lake, like go do stuff for yourself. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

And I think that a dynamic is just like, um, it's called parenting. Yes. And you also created this child, gentlemen.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

That is, yeah, yeah, parents. Yes, okay, thank you watch your kids, go put them to bed. I don't know. I have friends that'll be like, Oh, my husband, like, I gotta go because my husband, like, he's not putting them down. And I'm like, what do you mean they're not putting you're he created that human too? I'm like, he can put them to bed. Like, we do that every night. Like, yeah, I was very blessed.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

Josh was very hands-on. Yes, like I did not change a poopy diaper for like 10 days. Oh, yeah. Like he was and he loves babies. Like his little brother just had a baby and he was just in it. And I was like, Okay, we gotta go. We're done, we're done, wrap it up, babe. Yeah, okay. I'm 38, newly divorced, two kids, starting completely over, and some days I genuinely genuinely don't know how to keep going. How do you find momentum when you feel like you have none?

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Um, I think it always poses the question, like just going back to like, did you do stuff in your younger years that helped you, you know? But because everyone's answer is gonna be very different. Like, I have a friend who loves baking, and I have a friend who loves gardening and fitness, so everyone's different. Um, I think though, you know, let's let's say they had 50-50 custody, whatever, divorce, like on your days off. Like, do stuff for yourself. Like, don't wind yourself up in like, what is he doing? What's he doing with my kids? Like, what are does that make sense? Totally. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

So finding, and it's really hard, but like forcing yourself to remember who you are and what you enjoy. Yeah, because that's why I started golfing. Yeah, you golf. I oh, I'm a golfer girl. No way. Oh, yeah. I was that's like we joined the country club, like I am golfing. Oh yeah, I'm in it. Like I am a four all queen, head to toe. Shout out to four all, sponsor me. Yeah, sponsor her. Yes. Um, I started golfing because it was something that I could do with my husband, and I didn't let him teach me because that would have been horrible. Yeah. So I'm like, I actually have a lesson tomorrow morning. Shout out to Brennan. I love it. Um, but yeah, I golf. Okay, and it's fun and I can shut off the world. And yes, I'm actually kind of decent. Yeah. Um, because I have long arms and so and just like my build, like athletically, like I can hit a ball.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Yeah. I would ask the 38-year-old too, like, did you play sports? Because I'm like, that's for me. I love going back to I played volleyball. So I'm Oh, you did? Yes. Yeah. Like, I'm like, I love going back to just sports because it's like no one, you're just in the zone. Yeah. Golfing. Like you're just you're in the zone. In the zone.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

And I just I just love it. Yeah. So yeah, do something for yourself. Okay, so we're gonna do a covet this, and then we're gonna talk about your whole world. I don't even know what to call. I'm gonna tell you what my outsider looking inside of it. Yeah, I love that. Okay, so this week's covet this is for the woman who just heard Jesse talk about staying connected to herself. So we're talking about masturbation. Okay, so this is by New Sensual. It's called the tulip. Okay. So it has four motors, so it actually looks like a tulip. Oh, have you seen these before? I have it. Oh, you have this? Okay. So it looks like a flower. So it's body safe silicone, completely versatile, designed for wherever your body wants tension. So it's not just something you can use like on your clitoris. You can use it on your nipples, you can use it on the head of the penis. Oh, wait, I have the rose. You have the rose.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

I have the rose.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

So this one is a little different. You can literally like, I should have brought, why didn't I bring it? Yeah. But you can lit it, like, it literally has like these four petals that like come open and it's super cool. Okay. So it's part of knowing yourself, and when you've spent years pouring into everyone else, your kids, your partner, your job, coming back to your own body is like really important. So as always, it's castybabby.shop, and this is called the tulip. And I started naming my listeners. Did you hear that in the last episode? No previous episode. So we're calling them the vain ones because we're not supposed to be vain, we're leaning on like you know the love. Yeah, so the vain ones, you deserve the tulip. So get yourself tulips. So let's go into the momentum. Okay. Momentum, momentum. Yeah. So from what I see, I feel like you're kind of like creating like a community of like a safe space for like moms and like connection and like activities and that type of stuff. So give me the whole spill.

SPEAKER_01 37:46

Whole lowdown. So I started, I learned how to edit like YouTube videos back in 10th grade. I was in like a broadcasting class, loved it so much. Um, I kind of continued YouTubing into college a little bit, um, but then it just kind of died. And like then I kind of picked it back up in 2020 when everyone was TikToking. Then I was getting a divorce, and so it kind of died again. Um, and then I moved back to Utah, slowly started getting into it, and then about in October is when I really was like, we're we're gonna start doing stuff. And I think it stemmed from a place of how living in Utah, mental health is so freaking taboo. And I think also after losing my ex-husband to suicide, I was like, Why is mental health not talked about more? And like even for males, I know I'm coming from more of a woman perspective, but for males, like, I know my ex-husband had different issues and different things, but talking about mental health and making a safe space for women to know, look, I'm talking about this, I'm talking about this, kind of like you, just like with sex and all the things, like it should not be taboo. It like this is why we live in a world where it's like, well, you have to look like this and you have to act like this. And it's like, do you know what they're struggling with behind closed doors? Like, I had no one for years, like no family now. It was me and my kid, and I'm like, I wish when I would have been scrolling on TikTok, I would have seen a page that was like, oh my gosh, I've been divorced, or I've been this. Nobody should have to go through all the crap and shit I've been through, but they can see, oh my gosh, or they relate a little bit, and that's why I started my page. And so I was just chat GBTing, just like different ideas, putting it in, like, what could I call this? And there was like two different logo names or whatever, I can't remember what they were, but then I put them together, I combine them into the momentum project. So it's like finding your momentum again in motherhood and like a mom, like is the beginning of the word momentum. Um, I wanted to also relate to women because there are some women who don't have kids or can't have kids, and so I don't want it to just be a space where it's like, oh, this is just for moms, like because before being a mom, I was also just a girl and just a woman. And um, and so I wanted more moms to just come to my page, look at it, and be like, oh, she's goofy, oh she's funny, oh she's walking in lingerie, like and she's a mom. And that the lingerie show I think was huge for me because I like I have stretch marks, like I have, you know, not a thigh gap. My thighs are bit, and I wanted moms to just be like, hell yes, like I can get it.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

Get a girl, I don't know you, but get it. Yes, and she like walked with attitude, you guys gotta go find that video. She was like super saucy. I love it. I loved it, yeah. And it's um, I mean, I'm the same way. Like, I don't know if you saw my like super crash out on the internet. And I totally was gonna delete it, but then I was like, okay, we're not deleting this because and I didn't even I honestly just did it because I was just I was like, I guess it was my Taylor Freakall moment, which here's the dynamic of that too, and we can talk about that. Like it's not okay what's going on there, and my heart goes out to her, my heart goes out to him, my heart goes out to those kids. And ultimately, it's like we have some issues that like we've gotta work through. And like we all have moments, we all have like my crash out was I've just literally had so much come at me, and so many people give close people in my life give opinions about what I was doing and how they don't want to be associated with it, and and it just devastated me. And then when I shared that with the world, the influx and I didn't realize influx of people that were like, please don't stop what you're doing. Like, I love like I had some famous like NFC fighter dude. Like I showed my husband that he's like, What? Like I was like, I don't know what this is, but like people just like we love what you do, keep doing you, don't listen to the haters. And that's so hard to get caught up in. And like in that moment, I was like, okay, here we are, like we're doing it. But having a safe space, that's why I talk about these things. That's why I say the things, that's why I do the things, because people need to know that it's okay to talk about it. It's okay to be uncomfortable, it's okay to do something for yourself and try new things and be vulnerable and not be this cookie cutter perfect, and I hate to say it like Utah mom-esque. Like it's like everybody's matching at church, everybody's hair is perfect, we're all perfect. I am here to tell you their life behind the scenes is not perfect. Yeah, and it is okay to have messy hair, don't care, and be vulnerable and honest. No, seriously. So I love that. So, do you do like get togethers? Do you do like what's your plan with that?

SPEAKER_01 42:16

So, I mean, I don't, I just feel like I go to a lot of stuff, but I have kind of cut it back a little bit because I did want it to just align a little bit. I do think I entered into the Utah County influencer world, and I woke up literally, I don't know, a month ago, two months ago, and I saw the same frickin' brand like six different times on my feed. And I was just like, I don't want to be the seventh person and then be unfollowed from it of just like, I don't want to see this brand anymore, you know, like, and so I was like, I still want to stay in the influencer world, but I want to be in a like a mental health supporter. I want to public speak. I want women to, you know, I loved listening to public speakers growing up. They've always just motivated or just motivational. I just love hearing stories and being like, thank you. Like, I'm not alone in this, or someone else in the audience isn't, you know, is even if it's one person, like I'm making a difference for one person. I don't need to promote, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I don't want to say anything specific, but I'm like, I don't need to promote this one thing over and over and over again and hope somebody I make four dollars off of it. Like, I just no. So I'm starting fitness coaching, and I just like I want women to know you can live a healthy life and you can have good mental health. And I feel like fitness for me has always been that. It's like been what's saved my life so many times. Um, and I just I want moms to not feel alone.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

That's like my little So do you feel I like to stir controversy? Yeah. Do you feel like you're like like saying thanks, no thanks to some of those things now? Yep. Oh, a thousand percent. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

Yeah, I have definitely like I'm going to a fun hot Pilates event on Friday. But I'm like, it's Pilates, it's working out, it's cleaning your head. Um but I think there's other events that I have gone to where I'm like, why am I here? Like, and it's is it fun being social with girls? Yeah, how many friends?

SPEAKER_02 44:04

I've only been to a few because I don't get invited. Yeah. I am blacklisted. But lame. And people do not throw tomatoes at me. I feel like I'm just an audience to start chucking tomatoes. But it was really sad for me because I felt like there was actually no connection. Yeah. And it was all phone in the face. Like, oh hey guys, I'm here at this event. And like, and then nothing. Like, like no hour.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

Or they'll follow you and then they go back and unfollow you like a week later, and then they think that you don't notice, and you're like, the phu. I would never notice.

SPEAKER_02 44:37

I know. So if you all had followed me, I didn't notice. But it's because I mean, I'm just, yeah. I'm like, how about we? I have a really good friend. Shout out to Lacey. She owns um laced hair extensions. Oh, okay. Yes, yeah. She's great. I'm gonna have her on the podcast eventually. She's been busy B2. Yeah. Um, she's always like, um, we're gonna have a girls' night, and you leave your phone in the bowl. Good. And I'm and it's great because it's like we're just actually connecting and we're and that's something I've really tried to do. And I'm like, it's really sad that some people all that matters is to like check in while you're here, while you're there. I was like, there's a like fun side about being an influence, yes, 100% being secretive. Yes, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, oh yes, I am in Vegas and I'm eating this dinner, but that's all you saw. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like because I think that's what the world is missing. Yep. And even though there's been times, and I will, I will take full ownership of this, like I've felt left out. I felt like I'm not good enough. But then there's been times when I go to them and I'm like, I don't even want to be here. Nobody's even talking to each other. Like there's no connection. And I feel like I've made real connections with people I've invited here, like you, and like had actual conversations. And I'm like, maybe we start like maybe we can start doing that. Like, you know, mom events, no phones.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

Yes, yeah, I'll tell that to my club mommy girls. They like run a little mom group and tell them no phones, but mom event, no phones. Yeah, nobody names I think connection is what we're missing the most in this world. And I reconnected with this girl I went to middle school, high school, and college with, and she lives about 15 minutes. Shout out Anne Marie. She we're going to Disney with her family, and like the other day we went to like a little movie night together, and we were like, Oh my gosh, we have no pictures. But we've hung out so many times over the last, and I was like, that's like a true connection with her. Like her and I were just like, I mean, last night we went and walked around Thanksgiving Point with our kids, and like we like took a quick picture because we never get pictures together, and it's like because we're in the moment, and these events, granted, are they fun? Sure, they're fun, but at the end of the day, there's not a lot of social connection behind them. It's no, no, and I'm just like, that's not it, it's very draining. I've heard it from multiple influencers recently in Utah as well that it's the social media world is so draining and people don't want to go to these events anymore because it's it's catty, it's petty, it's also, I feel like, very specific to certain women. And it's like, why don't we introduce a little bit more diversity into things? Why don't we bring in a different culture or different versus your typical skinny blondes, which it's fine. It's fine if you're blonde. I was blonde until like forever.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

Wait until the covet events. Yes, yeah, that is going to flip it on its freaking head. Yeah. Because it is going to be everything that Utah is not. Yes. I mean, Utah's gonna be invited to it. Yeah. The biggest one is probably I'm in, shouldn't share too much, but there's gonna be one in LA, one in New York, one in Utah. Yeah. And it's gonna be, and it's definitely gonna focus on connection.

SPEAKER_00 47:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:22

And we're not focusing on the typical, like, I mean, there will be that, but I'm excited. It's like it'll be it'll be good. Stay tuned, everybody. Okay, Jesse, you're awesome. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Um, every kind of woman to be on this. I love the vulnerability, the honesty, the Ronus. Like, you're always welcome.

SPEAKER_01 47:40

So people can find you where. Um, Instagram and TikTok, jessie.bella with two A's, and then I have my podcast link or my whatever, my public speaking for whatever my other Instagram is linked in my Jesse account.

SPEAKER_02 47:51

And and what about the mom?

SPEAKER_01 47:54

Oh, yeah, the Momentum Project. That's my second Instagram account, and that's kind of where I'll be posting a lot more fitness content. And yeah, you can find me there and in Utah County.

SPEAKER_02 48:02

Yes. So if this episode hit you, share it. Tag Jesse, tag me. Please send it to the mom friends who need to hear that your story isn't over yet. You can always adapt and change and do great things. I'm Cassidy. This is the law of Cassidy. I'll see you next week. The vain ones.

SPEAKER_03 48:16

Bye.