The Law Of Cassidy
Welcome to The Law of Cassidy — where nothing is off limits.
Hosted by Cassidy Bybee — entrepreneur, educator, wife, mom, and the unapologetic voice behind a multimillion-dollar business built around intimacy, confidence, and connection — this podcast is about saying the things most people are too afraid to say out loud.
Born and raised in conservative Utah, Cassidy built a thriving community by starting conversations no one else would. Now, she’s bringing those unfiltered truths to the mic.
Each week, she dives into real conversations about business, marriage, motherhood, friendship, identity, betrayal, healing, and what it really takes to rebuild your life when everything starts to unravel.
Sometimes it’s interviews.
Sometimes it’s solo episodes.
But always — it’s honest, raw, and exactly what you didn’t know you needed to hear.
If you’ve ever felt underestimated, burnt out, dismissed, or ready to take back your power — this space is for you.
Let’s stop shrinking.
Let’s start talking.
The Law Of Cassidy
Why Most Marriages Don’t Survive This
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What happens to your marriage when your family is falling apart?
In this episode of The Law of Cassidy, I sit down with Heather to talk about something most couples go through — but almost no one talks about openly.
From mental health crises… to survival mode… to nearly losing their connection — this is a raw, honest look at what happens behind the scenes of marriage during the hardest seasons of life.
💋 Why putting your kids before your partner can backfire
💋 How “survival mode” quietly destroys intimacy
💋 The biggest mistake couples make during crisis
💋 What emotional distance actually looks like
💋 How to reconnect when everything feels surface level
💋 Why communication and unity matter more than ever
💋 The role of therapy (and why it changes everything)
💋 Real stories of parenting through mental health struggles
💋 How to bring back intimacy — even when you don’t feel like it
💋 Why fun, connection, and sex still matter (yes, even then)
This episode is for anyone who feels like their relationship is slipping under the weight of life.
Because sometimes the hardest seasons don’t break your marriage…
they rebuild it into something deeper — if you let them.
If this resonates, send it to your partner.
Um, I think it's really, really super important that you identify that if there is a partner in your life, they actually have to be number one. I believe that it is a mistake to make your children number one. I agree with that. It doesn't mean that they're lesser humans. It just means they're supposed to be your partner in life. Yep. And your children, if you're doing it right, are gonna leave. Yep. You're not raising children, you're raising successful, productive adults.
SPEAKER_03You guys, we have got a different setup. We finally got the studio up, and Heather's here to pop our cherry. What's up? What? Okay, so I'm gonna just kind of give a little intro of what we're gonna be talking about today. There's gonna be a lot of shenanigans because Heather and I have known each other for almost 20 years. So we go way back. So, what happens to a marriage when everything falls apart at the same time? When crisis isn't between you and your partner, it's actually your child or your children. Um, something you've never planned for and you can't control, and suddenly the person you built a life with is standing right next to you and you've never felt more alone. Heather has spent nearly 20 years in the intimacy and wellness space, and today she's sharing the story most people in her world never tell. So this is the law of Cassidy. Welcome back, vain ones. Let's go. So, this is where we talk intimacy, business, power, healing, and conversations that most people will not have. And we always get raw and dirty and filthy and fun. I'm here for it. Here for it. Today's guest is Heather, and I want to be up front about something. Heather has been, like I said, in the intimacy space for nearly 20 years, which means we speak the same language, we know what we know, and we also know what it costs to actually live what you teach. So, Heather, welcome to The Law of Cassidy. Super exciting on your new set. On our new set. I work here. So uh first podcast? No, my third. Third? Yeah. Oh, I thought I was gonna pop her podcast, Jerry, too. But okay. Um, Heather, anything you want to share with the world before we do a rapid fire warm-up so people can get to know you?
SPEAKER_01Um, gosh, I guess uh I'm just I'm super excited to be expanding beyond where we were kind of in a bubble for so long, in a very safe, secure, at least we thought it was super secure bubble. And then boom, the world kind of imploded, and it actually was one of the best things for me that ever happened. So uh we'll talk some about that today. So things just keep getting cooler and crazier, and it's good. It's all good.
SPEAKER_03All the good things. Okay, and Heather is a mother of three, yeah, and she's a wife, and she plays pickleball, and she plays some weird card games.
SPEAKER_01Mahjong, it's not cards, it's tiles. You're killing me, Small. I don't know. I play Mahjong.
SPEAKER_03I know the answer to this, but I'm gonna ask it so the world can know. Um, coffee or tea, and how do you take it?
SPEAKER_01Um, so it's both depending on the time of year, but coffee is my last remaining vice. Uh, and it depends on the time of day. So, first thing in the morning, generally it's gonna be just a hot drip coffee with heavy cream.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01In the afternoon, it'll be a cold brew, and I put a liquid protein in it.
SPEAKER_03So this morning you had a cold brew and a hot. Was that just because we were the whole day?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I had a morning order and I preemptively ordered the afternoon coffee so that we didn't have to worry about it again. It is her vice because you ran out of coffee. We drank the last one first thing this morning.
SPEAKER_03So apparently my house is like a frat house. Condiments only. Bless. It's good. Okay. Um, most used emoji right now.
SPEAKER_01Um, the check mark. Oh, that's the check mark. Check, check, check, check. I do love a list.
SPEAKER_03She does love a list. What's one thing that you would about you that would surprise people who know you or followed your work for years? Like something they that would surprise them?
SPEAKER_01Um I I think people think that uh I have it all together most of the time. And um, I actually have battled seasonal depression my whole life. So uh people that suffer from depression often are the ones that just absolutely mask it the most beautifully and look like they got everything polished and behind the scenes. It is the hot mess express. So that is definitely something that happens.
SPEAKER_03I think I I've dealt with depression for years. I've openly talked about it too, but it's true. I think people think that I like it.
SPEAKER_01And honestly, the pickleball and the mahjong are what combat that because they engage a part of my brain that doesn't get engaged otherwise. Like golfing for me. Yeah, yeah. Love it.
SPEAKER_03Okay, best marriage advice in one sentence.
SPEAKER_01In every interaction, we can't lead with righteousness. We have to lead with love because you can be right all day long. But if it doesn't come from a place of I love you and let's fix this, they just don't hear it. It doesn't land. That's a good one.
SPEAKER_03Um, what does a perfect Sunday look like for you?
SPEAKER_01Ooh, so that's uh family pickleball because everybody plays, although we're empty nesters now, so that's hard. Uh, but when everybody's in town, we all play pickleball first thing in the morning. I'm Catholic and we go to church on Sunday or excuse me, Saturday evening. So that's already checked off. And then uh home, my husband will make a big brunch and we talk a lot of smack in the kitchen. The kitchen is the command central of the house. And as you know, all things are on the table conversation-wise.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Uh, it is it gets raw at our house. Uh, and then it just depends on the time of year. We live in Florida, so nine times out of ten, it is beautiful. So beach time, beach walk. We love to go to Honeymoon Island uh in Dunedin and just be as outside as humanly possible.
SPEAKER_03She's living in my dream. I don't know why I live in New Jersey. Love the gold. So beautiful. Something you know now that you wish you would have known 20 years ago.
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh. Um I really am gonna have to think about that for a second. Twenty years ago. Oh, yep. Uh I wish that I knew how bad screens are for children. Oh yeah. Because my first two are not screen kids, but my last one it is, and it is an addiction. So uh you really the things that kids are dealing with because of screens and how their brains function and their attention span. I mean, it literally affected her ability to take the SAT. And so we had to hire a professional who identified that, right? So just figuring out that we can we could live with a whole lot less.
SPEAKER_03There's this trend going on, and I'm so signing up for it. It's like um bringing back like home phones. Yes, and they're like cool home. Yes. I'm like, the 20-foot cord, yes, I'm gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01And you like hide in the pantry and you're upside down, but you're stuck, yes, right? Yes.
SPEAKER_03I keep seeing like little things popping up on the phone. I have great memories of that. I'm here for that. Let's get all the kids on a home.
SPEAKER_01When Adrian and I were dating back when Jesus was in third grade, uh, I I spent the first night we were on the phone five hours. Yeah. Literally laying on the floor in my pantry to get a modicum of privacy.
SPEAKER_03And then you didn't have siblings because you were an only child, but then it would be I'd go to pick up the phone and I'd hear somebody was on the internet, get off the internet, or somebody would pick up the phone and be like, I need the phone, you know, because you just had to go.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, I assure you that I had a mother and a father who were both like, Who are you talking to? It's 10 o'clock. Shouldn't you be in bed? Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because they'd pick up another phone and it'd be on the same way.
SPEAKER_01Or they'd just pick it up and listen. Rude.
SPEAKER_03I think I had a couple boyfriends that their mom's totally wasn't solid. Yeah. Okay. Um, what's your love language and has it changed?
SPEAKER_01Great question. Um, mine is words of affirmation and acts of service. Okay. And my husband's is physical touch all the way. And that'll that'll play into our topic later.
SPEAKER_03So is my husband's and my child. They're like Velcro. Yeah. And my dog. Everybody just likes to be touched. And I'm like, I'm not that. Personal space. Yes. Okay, one word for your where your marriage is right now.
SPEAKER_01Fun. We're having fun. It took a minute. Uh, I was definitely sad when the last one moved out, the empty nesting thing. Like, that was my calling in life, right? Like, I've been a professional, I've done the corporate thing, but my calling was being a mother. I really loved it. And when they didn't need me every day, that threw me for a loop. Uh, and so I just kind of withdraw into myself when that happens, and then my husband had to come dig me out. So after a couple months, I figured it out, and now we're having a great time. Like the ability to just walk around naked in your house and not have to get dressed just to go downstairs and get something out of the refrigerator, it's magic. I'm not gonna lie. And I mean, obviously leads to more sex because you're just walking around naked like you're in the Playboy mansion.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's great. I would have never thought, but it makes so much sense. I mean, you've been you've been here, and Josh is like, babe, shut the door. And I'm like, Oh yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's different. So fun, we're having fun. Well, that's good.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I want to start at the beginning because we're gonna get into some of the real raw stuff. There's gonna be fun stuff in here, too. Don't you worry. We got goodies, all the things. So, um, because I think context matters when we have this conversation. So before we get to the hard parts, I want people to understand who you are and what your life looked like before everything like shifted. Yeah. So can you take us back to when everything started to shift sideways with your family? What did those early moments feel like?
SPEAKER_01Sure. So um I currently I have uh an almost 25-year-old, a 22-year-old, and an almost 20-year-old. Okay, so the five years, three kids. And mid-teens with the oldest, uh, we ended up with a mental health crisis where she had to be put on a 72-hour hold because of an eating disorder that we didn't even know existed. It's called orthorexia. And it wasn't even in the DSM then, like they didn't acknowledge it as an eating disorder. Okay. It is uh an obsession with ingredients because she had such profound food allergies that she wouldn't eat anything that she didn't know where it came from, who made it, and what was in it. So, unbeknownst to me, because she had started cooking for herself at like 11 or 12, she was down to six foods she was eating. Oh. And then it literally caused a break, a mental break. So she had to be hospitalized and we had to get a nutritionist involved in the whole thing, and that's when we met our magical therapist. Man, our therapist, if I was still having children, I would name a child after this woman. She uh has saved multiple people in my family from themselves. So that happened when my oldest was 16. Okay. And uh I I do believe that there was some divine intervention, and that's been the theme of our whole life. Um I got sober six months prior to that, and my husband got sober three months prior to that. Okay, so you were both sober. So I really believe that we were able to manage everything that was then thrown at us in the next few years because there was nothing numbing it, right? There was no escaping it. It was just right there in the open. So first that happens, and then I didn't realize when something like that happens, how dramatically it affects the siblings, right? You're just so focused on the one that's in crisis that everybody else, you're like, oh, good. You're surviving, you're eating, you're going to school, you're doing your homework, you're kind of shelved, right? And then sure enough, here we go. Uh, three years later, COVID hits, right? The oldest one is off in college, she's killing it, doing great, everything has been turned around. And my second child then goes into mental health crisis because suddenly our world shut down. We lived in Virginia and it basically turned into a communist country where you couldn't even go to the park, right? Like, couldn't go and shoot hoops, the cops would run you off. If you strayed from your block, right, they were like, What are you doing? And it it just caused utter chaos in that child's brain. Like he just didn't know what to do because he'd gone from sport, sport, sports, sport, sport, sports running like four hours a day to trapped. And uh, unfortunately, the substances kicked in and we nearly lost him to that. So here's crisis number two that was like eight months of madness that caused us to move and turn our life upside down. But as I said at the very beginning, truly, all these things led to things being better, not just with that one child, but with the family as a whole. I can look back now and identify that I was in um a very automated mode as a mom, right? Get up, get breakfast, get them out the door. I work, work, work. I was self-employed, right? And it's just like you know, and you just you're if you're not working, nothing is happening, right? So I'm a rat on a wheel trying to get all of this done. And then obviously, when COVID happened, you have to shift completely. You're trapped in the house. Can you get toilet paper? I mean, it's just the most random things that like are causing this level of stress. And uh, you don't realize just how off the rails things go until it gets really bad. And then, of course, there's the third child who was middle school, right? She was young and just watching all of this. And it was then, when all of this happened, that I realized that she had become the forgotten child because she was sweet and she was quiet and she just got drug hither and yon to all of the things, right? And so that made me turn focus to her and say, Do I even know who this kid is? Do I know that she might have a smile on her face and be super sweet in school? But actually, she was a tiny rage monster. So we had to figure all of that out. And, you know, I knew that when she said, Yes, great, let's move, that things were bad, that things in our hometown had really just gone sideways and we needed to get out. So we did, right? So, in like a three-week period, I turned our life upside down. Yeah. And my husband was just the ride or die. He did not argue it. There was no, hey, maybe we should stop and think this through. It was, what do you want me to do? Which is so helpful. We left. I took my youngest, we went to Florida, he stayed back in Virginia, put the house on the market, got it all sold, packed everything up. I didn't even pack my stuff, Cassidy. I'm like, throw it in a box, I don't care. Right? Like, I was in survival mode, trying to make sure that my kid was gonna live.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that was all that mattered. And that meant that my relationship got shelved, right? Like both of us were in 100% survival mode. We both had jobs, right? You can't just stop. No, you have to keep going. Uh, and we are both only children. So we had our parents, but we didn't have any other close family to rely on. And we definitely didn't know anybody that had been through it. So we were just navigating waters that there's not a manual for.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So back to therapy, Heather and I are both pro therapy. I'm a huge fan. The world would be a better place. I think kids should like it should be like a requirement in high school that they're gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01I think the minute they hit puberty, you should have one. And it should, if it doesn't work for that one, find another one. It's it's it's like dating, right? You have to find the personality that fits. But when you find that person that can listen and say the things that you're afraid to come out, right? To ask those probing questions that make you identify your deepest, darkest fears, yeah, it is very literally life-changing. It is such a gift, not only to yourself, and I think this is the thing that people overlook, it is a gift to those who love you. Yeah. Because we're in therapy because of the people that we love who are not in therapy. Let's be real. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03Yes, and it being able to juggle like me and Josh's dynamic, we've talked about on this podcast before, is being that middleman for us and helping us see the different because everybody's different. We all process things different, we all take things in different, we all deliver things different. So pro therapy. Okay. So many parents in crisis go into survival mode. What did survival mode look like for you, like day to day in that?
SPEAKER_01So uh in COVID, it I literally turned into a banana bread baddie. I every morning, I'm like, we gotta make more banana bread because they were eating it, right? Suddenly I had a house where everybody was out, right? Like we were barely home because of all the sports and the jobs and everything, and suddenly everybody is there and now they want to eat. And I'm a feeder, so I'm like, oh, hell yeah, I want to feed you, right? Yeah. But I was so anxious that I was waking up at 5 a.m. unnecessarily, like, where am I gonna go? Right. And puttering and cleaning things that didn't need to be cleaned and cooking. And so I started making banana bread every single day. Um, and then I threw myself into work. So when I wasn't focused on whomever it was that was in crisis, it was an out of sight, out of mind moment, and then work. And it's wild to think that 2020, when everything really was sideways, was my biggest year in business. But I will tell you, I can look back at other people that we worked with, and they also, when they had their biggest year behind the scenes, there was a divorce, there was a death, there was something else, right? It's an avoidance tactic.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I do that all the time.
SPEAKER_01And for sure. And it, you know, it works until it doesn't. Yeah, right. You you can't avoid the reality that is a mess. It's gonna come smack you in the face. And some people hide it because they drink, right? They're like, I'm just gonna have a glass of wine, which turns into a bottle of night or whatever. And then others are like, Well, I'm just gonna little Xanax, and you don't ever actually get to feel the feelings, and so they don't go away, it just builds. We call it the resentment flu in our house, where you just get sicker and sicker and sicker because you're holding it, right? You're holding it in. So the very first therapist I ever had, bless his soul, he he got a mess when he inherited me, said something so profound to me that I continue to utilize not only for myself, but for my clients. He told me that depression is anger turned inward, that oftentimes you're so angry at something, but that it feels so threatening to acknowledge it, yeah, that you just don't. And so it festers, right? It's like a cancer in your body and it makes you sicker and sicker and sicker, and then it comes out in all sorts of crazy ways because you're not acknowledging the source of it. So if you can get to the source of whatever is causing it, then oftentimes you can get past it. And that was that was it, right? With each of these kids, we had to get to the source of where the crisis was coming from. Yeah, it wasn't the outward show of what happened, it was way more underneath, right?
SPEAKER_00It really is, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so and then that also forced us as a family. We had family therapy, right? Yeah, you want to talk about rough.
SPEAKER_03It's rough in couples therapy. I can't imagine family therapy because then you got kids with resentment against other kids, and like I oof, that was probably hard.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it was it was one of those things where again, when it was over, you're like, oh dear God, we survived it. But I can look back on it now and pinpoint specific moments, right? But I also identified I am a words of affirmation, words are my thing. I like to write, right? You know. Um, my husband is not a word guy, so much so that we identified in therapy that when he is in crisis, um he literally stops talking and cannot verbalize. He found it so threatening to say words like angry, furious, which were super valid, right? He literally couldn't say it. So he would skirt around and the therapist would try to drill in and he would just stop and like disappear. And we finally had to acknowledge like he simply could not verbalize it. Yeah, he was feeling it, but getting it out in the open, that was rough. Hard.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So couples going through trauma with their children, uh, what are some of the biggest mistakes you see people make that quietly like are eroding their connection?
SPEAKER_01Man, I'm gonna tell you what, even before the child is in crisis, because it doesn't just happen overnight, right? It builds. You are not a united front. When you are not a united front in front of those kids, they are smart, they pick up on it and they run with it. They will play you against each other and then you start arguing. And if you most people that I have found when there's conflict, they don't show conflict resolution. So they might have an argument that the kids hear or see, but then they make up without the kids seeing it. And that is such a mistake because they don't teach conflict resolution in school. They should. Oh, they 100% should. It's why they avoid it, right? Yeah. So so many people will just brush things under the rug, relationships go absolutely sideways because you're afraid to say, that hurt my feelings, and here's why. Or you can't speak to me this way. And that's why, whatever it is. So really identifying that you have to get clear on what's okay. And if one of you is stronger than the other, also identifying that they can't always be the strong one. Yeah. It's exhausting. It is. And I will say huge shout out to my delightful husband. Um he's Mr. He's Mr. Goodtime guy, right? You can ask anybody that has ever hung out with him. Like he's always got a smile on his face. He's just a generally pretty happy dude, right? Um, and I'm the heavy. Nine times out of ten, it's always been that way. I was the disciplinarian when they were young, right? And he because he traveled, he was gone Monday through Friday. So if he was only going to get two days with them, he wanted it to be fun. And that made it so hard.
SPEAKER_03Because he was Disneyland dad.
unknownYeah, man.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And then all of a sudden, COVID hit and he was home, and suddenly the good time dad was not such a good time, right? Because he got to see what it looked like day in, day out, homework, constant grind, right? So it was nice to see him step in. And there were, I mean, were times, especially as they got late teens and early 20s, where I literally would just sit, gesture to him because I could see the smoke coming out of his ears, right? Like he was ready to go. But even then, he had a hard time verbalizing it in a way that he felt would not make them spontaneously combust, right? And then ultimately he got over that. And now he just lets it rip. Like if there's something, they're adults, right? We're not gonna sugarcoat. It's time for all of us to be adults. We're gonna be loving and we can be honest. But ultimately, there was a turning point in both of those eras of crisis for us where he stepped up in a way that I didn't realize I couldn't, and I didn't have to ask him. So, for example, you know, when my daughter um ended up hospitalized, you have to do intake, right? It's like a three-hour process. You have to be transported and it's this whole thing. And it was the middle of the night, and it wasn't even a question. He looked at me and said, Take the others home. I got this. And he went and he went through a horrifically painful intake that I I cannot imagine having done, right? I could barely function as it was. And then um, with you know, the second time it came around, he's the one who saved my son.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that there was something primal in that for me, right? As a man, because I fully identify that I can be a bulldozer. It's just my personality, right? Like we're just gonna get it done. We're not gonna horse around with it, let's just do it. But it was so healthy for our intimate life for me to see him basically tell me to stand down because he was gonna man it, right? So identifying you cannot always have one person in the relationship that is the bad guy, the tough guy, the strong one. It simply doesn't work that way.
SPEAKER_03No, yeah, and you gotta let men show up in their masculine energy in different and it I mean, there's different dynamics, right? Like my household's different, like especially in Utah, it's very rare to have a female counterpart that is the breadwinner and the worker. We have that issue too. Yeah, and so it's just figuring out ways that you can allow them to be in their masculine and you and your feminine, and sometimes you have to just take pause. Yeah, and that's something that's been very valuable that I've learned in therapy is to pause.
SPEAKER_01Just because you can do it doesn't mean that you should. Yeah. I can take out the trash, but that's his gig. Yes. Right? I can break down all the boxes that come to the house, but he manages that. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, allowing that. Okay. So when everything in life feels chaotic, intimacy is often the first thing to disappear. What did intimacy look like for you and your husband during this time?
SPEAKER_01So, um, I believe that it is a biological imperative, especially for women, that when things are hard, and this is also like immediately following childbirth, right? Oftentimes there is absolutely no sex drive at all. That is like caveman primal, your body, your brain saying, We don't want to get pregnant again. So none of this is gonna happen, right?
SPEAKER_03I've never thought of that, but that's sort of it is.
SPEAKER_01And the other thing that I had to work through in therapy was that um I felt it's it's gonna sound bizarre, but when you visualize it, it really does work. So if you think about male and female parts, right, they are plugging into you. And there was a point for me where I felt like plugging into me was taking what little energy I had left, and I was viciously protective of that energy. Yeah. Because I was, I mean, when I tell you survival mode, I'm like, cool, I'm getting about four hours of sleep at night and not eating well, and I I mean, like, I was just wired. I can look back at pictures, and my body was so inflamed and like it was bad, right? I couldn't be needed by anyone else. That was it. And his love language is physical touch. So now I have a husband that feels profoundly neglected and desperately needs that hugging, holding, touching, holding hands, right? And I uh I described myself through that period as prickly. I felt like a cactus on legs, right? Everything felt sharp and I had to work through just allowing him to hold me in our sleep, not even sex, right? And identify that it does release that dopamine, right? The endorphins are good. So sometimes I just had to identify that, man, we're taking one for the team because once we got into it, you were enjoying it, it was great. And I slept better and we argued less, right? It's the breaking past the control. It is a control issue, right? Yeah. When everything in your life feels like you're in control, the one thing you can control is your body. And if you feel like nobody is tapping into this, it doesn't matter how sweet they are, how romantic, that's lovely. Yeah. That doesn't necessarily mean that I'm in for it. And the my husband has a tendency to be jokey about stuff like that, right? And I when I am in that place of survival, I don't find it funny, right? The whole, I mean, how about a BJ? And I'm like, how about a kicky in the nuts and see how that feels instead, right? Like it just wasn't funny, but he didn't know how to be like, man, please can we connect, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and it's funny you say the energy thing, because I say it all the time in our dynamic, is if it's past a certain time at night, I'm like, I'm not gonna sleep if we have like it's weird. It's like he finishes in me and it's like it literally is like a bolt of energy. Like, I literally just drank three monsters. Yeah. And I'm like, and I'm like wide awake. So you know, chemically, that's really a thing. Yeah. Yeah. And so he is passed out, and I'm like wired. Yeah. So like that when you said the energy thing, I'm like, I feel that all the time. Like something.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so let's look at the reverse of that. So I am the like late afternoon, nighttime gal, right? Afternoon delight, especially easier when it's uh uh when you're an empty nester, right? And he works from home. Morning for me, I'm not nothing. That's not even awake yet. The sunshine is not up. That has and my stars, he is just rearing to go. And I'm like, bro, you gotta let her build up some tension in the day. Come on, give me a few hours, right? Also, hitting me up right after a shower, that is not a thing.
SPEAKER_03I just don't like morning sex because I have a tilted uterus and I literally just not for me. Drip all day. I feel like no matter how much I try and get it out, I just not for me.
SPEAKER_01Not for me. So yeah, we I mean, it we had to get real raw. And I was right at the age where perimenopause was kicking in. So let's also throw in some BS hormone nonsense, right? And have us be separated for periods, right? Where then we get back together and he's like, oh, thank God, right? Running towards me like it's gone with the wind.
SPEAKER_00And I'm like, right?
SPEAKER_01Just one more human that I felt like I had to care for. And I was not at all caring for myself. So when I started caring for me, right, I started focusing on exercise. I really got serious about what I was eating, right? Dialing back some of the caffeine that it was that was my drug of choice, right? Suddenly I was way more willing to be touched by him because I was not angry at my own body for feeling like it betrayed me. So there is a direct correlation.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. The next question is what did you lean on instead of numbing what actually helped?
SPEAKER_01Ooh, so um, I am a reader. Yeah. A voracious reader. I was an English major. I love a book. Um, and I can disappear into fiction, right? For hours and hours and hours. Um, and in the nights when I had to stay awake because I had a child that didn't bother coming home or there was, you know, something else going on and I couldn't go to sleep, I just read. And so I had to identify that there's a little bit of a good thing, and then there's, oh dear God, you're literally your eyes are burning, right? Step away. I also had to ask my therapist, um, it's really a thing. Apparently, it's it's part of like a healthy dynamic to have a TV show or two that you watch on repeat because there's no surprises anymore. You've already seen it. So there's no drama, there's no buildup. Because I was like, I'm watching 11 seasons of Gray's Anatomy again and again and again. And she said, an episode or two a day is actually totally normal. That's actually very healthy. Seven hours, probably not a great choice. And I'm like, oh, okay. And I also identify that I'm past that emotional tornado, if you will, when I stopped watching it. When I'm like, no interest. I mean, I haven't touched Grey's Anatomy in like two years at this point, and I really love that show, but I also now associate it with feeling like crap. Yeah, right. So it's weird things that you just kind of pick up. Um, I again, work was definitely a thing, all the work. And when the world opened back up, uh, work looked very, very different because once in upon a time it used to be in person, right? And now it was almost entirely virtual. Yeah. And because of that, there was less humanity involved. So when I moved to Florida, I knew one whole person there, and I'm a super, super social, outgoing human being. There's none of this, oh, I'm too shy to make friends, right? Yeah. But I had been there for six months in the middle of crisis and had just hunkered down with my family and realized I need to make a friend. Like this is nuts. I like to go out for coffee, right? I like to go dancing, I like to do this stuff, and I didn't have anybody down there to do that with. And Adrian was was back to traveling. So um, I started a social group for women. And it was just literally to make a friend. Yeah. And it turned into this whole thing, Gulf Coast Gals, it's so wild. It's 400 plus women strong. There are events every single day. Is that your bingo crew? Yeah. We do all the things, right? Um, and it because I'm not alone in that, right? Like women in particular, we there's something about women that need female companionship, right? You can have an amazing husband, and you still need to have the ability to hang out with other women, right? Get all the estrogen going. So that that was a huge thing for me.
SPEAKER_03That's why I've always, and I've said this a lot, I just don't understand women that are always like almost like in an insecure, jealous, competitive dynamic. I definitely don't get that. I don't get that because I'm like, we all can win and support each other and show up and help each other in different ways. And just because you're winning doesn't mean I'm less like that's awesome. Like, I just and I've dealt with that a lot, and you know that. Like in our previous dynamics of work and close friendships, I I deal with it a lot, and it's something that's like I just can't wrap my brain around, like how people even like act as if that's a thing, you know?
SPEAKER_01It's for me, because I'm an only child, I always wanted a sister, right? Sister, yeah, and so my friends, that's how I treat them, like I would treat family. Yeah, so when one of them decides, okay, we're you know, not gonna be friends anymore, or I found someone who's cooler or whatever it is, yeah. It literally feels like losing a family member. And man, I'll tell you what, like I'm not a grudge holder, and I'm I I believe that I'm reasonably good at forgiving, but forgetting is another thing, right? Like it's hard and it it takes both sides of that. Yeah. So, and I we had this conversation earlier this week. Um, as I get older, the circle gets smaller and smaller and smaller, and it's actually okay because the relationships get deeper and better. Yeah. So at this point, I would rather have five great friends who legitimately know me, know where the bodies are buried, right? And don't judge when I'm having a crappy day versus a hundred that smile at my face and talk crap when I walk out, right? So anymore. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Hard pass. Were there days where you genuinely genuinely wanted to check out and what kept you from checking out?
SPEAKER_01Um, I wouldn't say days. There were moments, right? But again, I still had my youngest with me. Oldest was at college, one is now in recovery. Um, we're, you know, there's moving parts. Then college girl graduates, moves back in, other one moves out, then the youngest goes to college. So there's been like a revolving door. Yeah. Um, also, I should mention that we have a revolving door of um what I like to call strays, the children who have rough home lives that end up living at my house. So there have been six of those over the years, and uh one was a nightmare, but everybody else, it was great, right? Like I I frankly wanted to have a gazillion children, and Adrian's the one who was like, we're outnumbered. Um, but that creates a whole other dynamic, right? Because while you want to make sure that you take care of them, they aren't yours, right? And so you do have to respect the fact that they're bringing other baggage and all sorts of stuff. So uh I could check out momentarily, but ultimately uh I believe that we're gonna get spiritual here for a minute. The same time that I got sober back in 2016, I started exploring my spirituality. I'm a cradle Catholic, baptized Catholic as an infant, brought up eight years of Catholic school, and then had all sorts of mental issues with some of the rules that they had, and you know, I'm not the shame culture that is so common with that religion. Um, I just couldn't get on board with, right? So I started exploring other things. And I mean, like, I went down a rabbit hole, right? Like we're talking getting into Buddhism and Hinduism and Wiccan and just exploring. Like I wanted to understand we can't all be wrong, right? And also identifying, I'm a big fan of Jesus, I'm tight with Mary, right? So none of that ever changed. It was just the packaging got different. And so during these crises, I was doing a lot of meditating. I was going to spiritual retreats twice a year, and they were a gift, truly. And I believe all of that over the course of essentially, you know, seven, eight years brought me to where I am today, which is way more comfortable and confident in my own spirituality, so much so that I'm able to then share that with my family. And so my children are coming around to that as well. And that is the greatest gift in my mind, right? Like I want them to have a relationship with God because truly, divine intervention is why my two kids are alive at this point. It's why my husband and I are still married.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Uh, it's why we're sober, right? Like, I give all credit there. I could not have done it by myself. And for those of us that are control freaks, learning that you're not running the show, that there is someone else looking out for you, and what's meant for you can't be taken away, and what isn't meant for you, you there's nothing you can do to get it, right? Um, I enjoy identifying that I am not in control of that stuff. It it was a weight that was lifted off of me so that I stopped trying to be the boss of all the things. Yeah. And it made the marriage way happier. Yeah, because that's happier.
SPEAKER_03And that's also hard in like a work dynamic where you're like, okay, it shouldn't be this difficult. Why are things this difficult? Right. What have I always said? Yeah, when it's good and when it's right, yeah, it's easy. Yeah. If you keep having this resistance, like it's time to pause and hitting the brick wall again and again.
SPEAKER_01You're not moving in the right direction.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Okay. Um, what did your husband need from you that you couldn't always give, and what did you need from him?
SPEAKER_01I feel like we touched that a little bit, but yeah, I mean, um, again, he is very much a snuggler. And I literally can't sleep if he's if his hands are touching me. So like we can butt bump. That's my favorite. Because I like he's a big guy, right? He's 6'4, and there's just a lot of him. So it is comforting to have him near me, but there is something about his hands that again transfers energy.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So it sends a jolt of something through me that my brain is like, right? It just can't stop. Yeah. So it has taken literal years to train him that because he comes to bed way later than me, right? I'm a 9:30, 10 o'clock girl and he's like a 2 a.m. guy. Right.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He cannot come in and wrap himself around me in the middle of the night because now I'm awake and I'm hostile. And the next day is going to be bad because you interrupted my sleep. Yeah. So when he in the morning feels me start shifting around, then it's like, okay, the window is open, right? Like, go ahead and grab on. Yeah. Now, if you want to come to bed at the same time as me and snuggle all the live-long day, great. But don't wake me up. Do not wake me up in the middle of REM sleep because I will get hostile. Like openly hostile. Yeah. It's like I gave up sleep for years when I had babies, and that's fine, right? But this?
SPEAKER_03No, no. No more. What's the difference between distance that's healthy and distance that's dangerous in a relationship?
SPEAKER_01Um, so we had both mental and physical distance, right? So there were times, uh, the longest one was a nine-month stint that he had to live away from me. And in that nine months, I saw him, I think, five times for like a period of 48 hours each time. And that was when we almost divorced. There was one time in our marriage where I was like, What are we doing? This is not what I signed up for. Yeah. Um, and I come from a divorce, right? So, like, I was so concerned about the kids. Yeah. There are times when divorce is absolutely the right answer, right? And I can look back now in my 50s and identify that my mother didn't have a choice. She was literally drowning, and the only way to survive was to leave, right? That doesn't make it any easier. But that being said, I even asked the therapist, right? And my therapist was like, this is only a decision that you can make, but not abusive, right? Uh you love each other, but you're just not connecting right now. Yeah. So we need to explore every single aspect of how to reconnect before you go down that path. Yeah. And that was right in the middle of everybody getting sober, too. So alcohol is a bad choice when things are bad because it's depressant, right? Yeah. So you're just piling on. And and people just get ugly. Nice people get ugly when they're already sad on the inside, and then you add alcohol on top of that, right? So we had to bridge the physical distance, right? And come up with ways to uh have a little more fun. That is definitely the advent of app controlled toys, is a magic thing, right? Uh God bless some technology, and then also really get serious about scheduling the relationship, right? So so many people turn up their nose at scheduled sex. I'm like, why? If you schedule a trainer, if you schedule pickleball, right? Why on earth would you not schedule with the most important person in your life, right? That's crazy.
SPEAKER_03People think it like takes away from like the exciting part of it, but I'm like, no, you can actually like structure it so it is exciting. Like it's either you don't have sex or you schedule sex and it's exciting.
SPEAKER_01Like, I don't know why people and when it's scheduled, there's actually the ability to plan for it. I'm not saying there's no spontaneity, right? But if you have kids in the house, spontaneity becomes real challenging. Like that is a nightmare at times. Um, I will tell you, uh I finally told my oldest daughter who is now living with someone at And uh fingers crossed, there's a ring coming soon. But like she's about to be in this part of her life, right? Uh so I finally shared with her, God bless the things. We talk about all the things in our house. Uh, that I am a member of the Mile High Club. Yeah, this is a good thing. And she was like, What? And so you could see, right? The wheels churning like how is that possible? And so I explained the logistics to her, and she was like, huh, ew, but uh like she's trying to figure it out, right? I uh yeah, man. I mean, like just beginning as like step out of your comfort zone. Right just and he's got a security clearance, like you can get arrested for this.
SPEAKER_02I don't know how you did that.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you know, I I believe that I could have talked my way out of it just by saying, listen, man, we're just trying to stay married. Um and uh one time we were both traveling consultants, right? I was a corporate trainer and he was a government contractor, and we ended up crossing paths in the Charlotte Airport, and we're like, family bathroom, and off, you know, those single stall things, and off we went for a quickie in the Charlotte Airport. We literally walked out and high-fived and went to our gates.
SPEAKER_03That's so funny.
SPEAKER_01But it is a fun, spicy memory that we come back to, right? Like, you gotta make it fun, man, because a lot of life is not fun. No, it's not fun, it's not funny. And if you cannot find those moments in a day, something is not right. There has to be some fun.
SPEAKER_03Well, and there's so many people back to screens, honestly. There's so many people. My DMs are just full of them of, you know, you know, my wife doesn't put out or my wife doesn't want to have sex or whatever. And I I truly think that screens are dividing people too. And I agree. And strategically utilizing a way to be able to connect and connect in the right way. And I it's just sad to see because it I really th do believe people are having less and less sex um today, just because it just we have these screens that are just I read a statistic recently that said that 60% of marriages are sexless. That is insane. Josh would die. Heartbreaking. He would die.
SPEAKER_01The longest we've ever gone without having sex is three months, and that's because of the crazy surgery that I had, right? So but that I mean that's intercourse. I was gonna say, that's intercourse. No, there were definitely other things happening. The longest time we've ever gone without any kind of contact is when he was gone. So it was like two months, right? But again, there was phone time happening, so that's a thing. Sexting. Oh my gosh, you want to hear a funny story about secting?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so um I was raised in a heavily government-oriented household. Both of my parents were government employees, okay. And I was raised in DC, there's politics everywhere, and so in the back of my mind, I always thought, well, gosh, if you know, just in case I run for office in some capacity, right in my life, I gotta keep things buttoned up, which is funny because I was wild as a teenager. Yeah. If you're watching this and I hooked up with you as a teenager, keep your mouth shut up. Shut your mouth. Uh so I was wild. But uh, so I think I was like 37 or so, and we were getting ready to go to a work convention. Okay, so I was gonna be gone for five or six days, and um, Adrian was already out of town. Okay. And I was like, okay, I'm like getting limbered up here, and like I'm gonna send a topless picture for the first time because he's always asked, and I'm like, what if someone finds them, right? Like they're gonna be in the cloud, like it's just gonna be crazy. What if I run from it? You have a hidden album.
SPEAKER_03You sh Josh's hidden album has like 3,000 things in it. He gets all the things. Okay, this is listen, listen, okay.
SPEAKER_01So sweet, yeah, Catholic girl just trying to like his own trying to pull it together here.
SPEAKER_03Subscription of me.
SPEAKER_01So I I get all posed. Um, my friends who have seen some of these pictures, because I'm like, does this look okay, right? You always have to get a girl's opinion. Uh they call it my cheerleader pose, right? Hand on hip, boobs out. Um so I send it and minutes go by and no response. And I'm like, bro, right? Like, that's gonna hurt my feelings. Yeah. And so I go back to my phone and realize I sent it to a girl on my team. No, you didn't. Who had been a consultant for about four minutes. How did you make that mistake? Because her name also started with A D. Who buddy? So I did you say literally was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. And she was a mother of four, so she hadn't looked at her phone. So then she sees the series of text messages, including my breasts, and is howling. Oh, yeah. And she was like, I that is so funny. And I had issued for our team a selfie challenge. She stop it. I didn't know that this is what you meant when you issued a selfie challenge. I was like, I'm literally gonna get fired. This is like sexual harassment. And she laughed and she was like, by the way, nice dance. Like, oh thank you. Thank you for that. Uh so yeah, then I finally sent it to Adrian, and I'm like, Well, I definitely popped my cherry with the sexting thing because like now a whole bunch of people have it. Uh yeah, so there you are.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you always that's like your biggest fear.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh. I mean When there's so many grip points that you're like, at this point, I literally am like, don't care.
SPEAKER_03Don't care. You want to put them up? Go on, perfect. Go ahead and look. Go see it. Okay. Um, for someone who's listening right now who feels their relationship is slipping under the weight of life, what would you want them to hold on to?
SPEAKER_01So um I think it's really, really super important that you identify that if there is a partner in your life, they actually have to be number one. I believe that it is a mistake to make your children number one. I agree with that. It doesn't mean that they're lesser humans, it just means they're supposed to be your partner in life. Yep. And your children, if you're doing it right, are gonna leave. Yep. You're not raising children, you're raising successful, productive adults. So so many people find themselves divorcing at my age and my phase of life because they realize when they're looking at each other across the empty dining table that they have nothing to talk about, they have nothing in common, and they don't know what to do moving forward, right? So really getting clear about who is your partner in life. And if you're looking at that person and you can't imagine them with saggy boobs and saggy balls and their hairy butt at 60, yeah, you probably are not with the right person, right? So, like, let's get clear on that. And also, man, the you gotta be a united front. I cannot say that strongly enough. Teenagers are designed to push you, they're designed to test you. Even a good teenager is challenging, right? They they're gonna push as far as you'll let them. And if they realize that they can play you against each other, you're not only gonna be mad at your kid, you're gonna be mad at your partner. And now everyone is miserable and they pick up on it and they start acting out, and it and most of it isn't even a conscious decision, right? Like it's just they're chock full of hormones and they don't know what to do with it. You're the adult, they don't even have executive reasoning, right? Their frontal lobe is not developed until 25. So you cannot expect them to logic their way through life. It's your job to make logical decisions. Uh, but I mean, really and truly, like, have some fun. Whatever it is that you guys both think is fun, you need to do more of that. And also identify that it is 100% okay that you both have hobbies that the other one is not into. My husband is a car guy. I do not give a crap about a carburetor. I don't. But he gets real jazzed about it, right? He loves the rodeo. I think it's smelly. Rodeo is good.
SPEAKER_03It's a good time. It's a good time.
SPEAKER_01Uh it's just, you know, for me, I'm like, eh, whatever, horses. Uh, it's more people watching for me. But he really, really loves that, right? So, okay, great. I love Mahjong. He would rather poke his eyes out than sit quietly and move tiles around, right? It's just not his thing. So we have our own activities and then we come back together. Yeah. Uh, we try to find a show periodically that we both like.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Actually, way harder than you'd think.
SPEAKER_03Oh, me and Josh stuff. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01When we finally find something, I'm like, please keep making seasons.
SPEAKER_03But then I get mad because then he'll watch it without me. I'm like, bro.
SPEAKER_01Oh, no, see, that's something we don't do. Even when we travel, it could be a month between when we watch the next episode. We don't cheat. No, you can't do that. Josh is bad.
SPEAKER_03He just thought, I don't know why this popped in my head because I have ADD. Um, do you have like a sex story that was like the best sex you've ever had and something crazy happened? Because I have one. I'll share mine. Do you want me to share mine? Okay, so we were in Maryland at that 4th of July party we would go to every year. There were jello shots, drinks, whatever. So we were tipsy. Yep. And I remember doggy style, right? Okay. Best sex in my life. Okay. I think he just had this liquid courage because I just I love to be manhandled, right? Yep. And he spread my butt cheeks, but he spread them so hard that it ripped my ass crack. Kid you not, ripped my ass crack. The next morning, the next morning, I woke up and I was like, why does this like we weren't even doing anal next episode? We're gonna talk about anal. But it wasn't even that. It was like literally like when you have like a crack on your knuckle. Like literally the ass crack seam. I was literally just putting aquifour. Spread those cheeks. He was so into it.
SPEAKER_01It's called a fissure. F-I-S-S-U-R-E, a fissure.
SPEAKER_03The ass crack?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, just at that kind of thing. That kind of a tear is a fissure. Dude. So funny text up. Funny story. The one that I, yep, that first came to mind was our first time ever having anal sex. So um this was before I started my business. So I didn't know anything about anything, right? And we we were on a couple's trip in St. Mary's Island, I think is what it's called in Maryland. Um, they have a wine festival. It's back when we were still drinking, right? Apparently, butt things are a thing in Maryland, which makes sense because that place is a dump. Anyway, um, so we go to this wine festival and we're with some of our most conservative friends. Okay. We're just there, like, oh, we're gonna have a busy wine weekend. We stayed at this adorable, like, bed and breakfast, right? And it's a house. The walls are thin. Well, we got real good and liquored up. This is probably a good example of why we're sober now. Uh, really lickered up. And I don't know what possessed me, but I was like, today's the day. Yeah, right. But there was no lubricant because I was young, right? And dumb. So this is where raw dogging works properly. Pulled out my facial moisturizer. Oh god, Heather. I mean, girl. And it was super fun, super fun, super fun until the next morning when I woke up and was like, this girl is on fire. Having to sit in the car and drive three hours home on that booty. Mmm, girl. No.
SPEAKER_03Lubricant. Proper lubricant. Lubricant. Don't use facial cream. Facial moisture. Gentlemen, if you want to spread those cheeks, at least put some aquifer on it. Oh no. Girl. Dude. So, okay, so we're gonna get into the DMs, confessions in the DMs. I do this every episode. Yeah. And um, these are um some intimacy during crisis questions, so I think you will thrive at answering these. Yeah. Um, I'll give my two cents too, but uh sometimes you just take over in these dynamics and thrive. So let's just Cassidy, my son has been really sick for the past eight months, and my husband and I have not been intimate once, not even close. I feel completely numb to that part of our marriage, and honestly, I don't even miss it. I'm scared that means something is permanently broken in me. Is this normal?
SPEAKER_01Um normal, yes. Healthy, no. Yeah. Uh first of all, I would not wish a sick child on anyone. Yeah. Uh so I'm so, so sorry that that is something that you're dealing with, right? And you also have to identify that uh again, while you are doing everything humanly possible to take care of a child, it could even be a parent, right? I'm I'm now in that sandwich generation where I'm taking care of sort of adult kids and also my parents that are failing in health. Um your partner is your partner. Yeah. And as I said earlier, that biological imperative to lock down, right? It's a control issue. Excuse me. So when everything else feels like it's out of control, this is the thing you can control. Yeah. But you're actually controlling your relationship into the garbage. So you have to dial in.
SPEAKER_03We went through something, I think this you'll be able to relate with this one. We went through something really traumatic with our teenager last year, and we got through it together technically, but I feel like we never processed what it did to us as a couple. We just moved on. Now everything feels surface level between us, and I don't know how to get back to deep without feeling it feeling forced or opening old wounds.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so um, I'm gonna recommend a couple of things. One, if you are a Christian, there is something called a marriage encounter weekend. Lots and lots of churches of all denominations do this. We did it really early in our marriage, and it was a weekend of uh discovery, really. But one of the things I learned there that you can do, no matter what your belief system is, um there is a journaling thing that you do. So everybody gets their paper, right? It doesn't matter if you write in paragraphs or it's bullet points or whatever. There are questions that you can Google, right? Literally jump into an AI platform and choose questions to increase intimacy in my relationship. Give them a little brief about what's happening and it'll pop out questions, right? So let's just say um what is my favorite, what is the the favorite thing that I've ever done for you? Write it down. And each of you takes 20 minutes and you set a timer to write down whatever. If you both finish in less than 20 minutes, great, but it's no more than 20 minutes. When that timer is done, it's done. And then both of you get to read to the other your list, but you only decide to talk about one.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01So it just it might go back and forth, it might end up being the same person again and again and again, but then you set the timer again for 20 minutes and you only talk about it for 20 minutes and then it's done. But uh asking those kinds of questions to reminisce about maybe something that was good reminds you of when it was good. Yeah, so that you can think about it. It's no different than exercise, right? Or eating well, and you're like, I used to do that. Why don't I do that anymore? Right? It's the exact same thing in your relationship. There are things that you used to do when you were young and in love, and you didn't have all of this, right? And it just stopped because life got in the way and you moved on and all those things. Whatever you can do to think back to this is something that we used to do, this is someplace that we used to go. And date night, man. I mean, everybody and their mother has suggested this. It's setting aside time. Yeah, maybe that just means going for a walk. My husband and I, because we live at the beach, we love to walk the beach. And because we had so many people living in our house, right? We couldn't talk freely in the house if we needed to have a couple's relationship. So we now in the evenings, like four to six times a week, go in the evening and we talk. And that's where we talk about literally everything that just needs to be discussed. But maybe we don't want that energy in the house, right? So I try really hard not to have unhappy conversations in the house because it does bring energy into the house, right? But when you're outside and you can let it go, it makes a huge difference. Yeah, huge.
SPEAKER_03I love that. Start walking, we have that little path.
SPEAKER_01Man, I'll tell you what, fresh air outside, it makes a huge difference in your whole demeanor.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's good for the soul. Okay, now we're gonna jump into covet this. So this is where I um talk about a product. I'm gonna talk about a product that you have loved for 15 years. 15 years. I like remember when it came out, and we like were selling it when we were with summer party, so it's on.
SPEAKER_01Tiniest little bottle.
SPEAKER_03But you don't need a lot.
SPEAKER_01It is a powerhouse, man.
SPEAKER_03So um it's an arousal oil and it's an all-natural, all natural botanical formula made with essential oils, cinnamon, ginger, sweet almond, and rosemary. When you apply a small amount to the clitoris, it creates like a warm buzzing sensation. Yeah, like it's not a tingle, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's like vibration, yeah. It's wild.
SPEAKER_03And it's it's menthol free. So that's like the top thing that people are like, oh, is it gonna burn?
SPEAKER_01It doesn't feel burning. That's just it. I love it. So it's literally one to two drops. Okay. Super, super, super small amount. So that tiny little bottle is like 40 to 50 uses, which is awesome. And I love the fact that it's so little, so it travels beautifully without you know worrying about spilling and making a message. Right on an airplane, apparently. Right? Hey, Mile High Club. Um, but ultimately, um, a little bit goes a long way, and that is a really good way. Like, if you're not feeling it, right? Where you're like, I gotta take one for the team. Any woman that says that she's never taken one for the team is a big fat liar. Yeah. She just is. There are simply times when your mind is elsewhere, yeah, right. So this helps re-engage your body. So I like to say that your brain is your largest sex organ, right? And you start firing synapses when something goes ooh, right? Smell something, see something, whatever. And then it sends all that blood flow to the genital area. But if you're taking birth control, antihistamines, um, any kind of antidepressant, uh, depression medication, all of that, it's gonna affect that connection, the body-mind connection. Using a product like on reverses that. So it gets the blood flowing here, which sends a message up to your brain that goes, Wake up, right? Like, here we are again. Yes. Yeah, it's it works beautifully.
SPEAKER_03So if you're in this phase of struggling or crisis or you feel like you're distant, I mean, I do that. There's many times when I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go in the bathroom, I'm gonna put this on because it just kind of just gives you that look.
SPEAKER_01If you have any nerve damage because of childbirth or, you know, I had a hysterectomy two years ago, all sorts of things change as you age. It makes a huge difference to have a little extra something, right? There's no downside to it. No.
SPEAKER_03It's good stuff. So that is the covet this today. Like, use, you can get it on my website, castybibee.com. Yeah, it's called Cardinal. On original. It's good stuff. Okay. So, and then the law of Cassidy, which is always just a little blurb to wrap up what we talked about today. Thank you for coming, Heather. You were awesome. Um, Heather didn't just survive two of the hardest seasons a mother can face. She stayed present for all of it, for her children, for her husband, and for herself. She didn't numb it, she didn't run from it, she felt all of it, and she let it change her. And what came out on the other side wasn't just a marriage that survived, it was a marriage that meant something deeper than it ever had before, which I think a lot of people think in the really hard times of marriage that it's ruining their marriage, but it's actually just rebuilding it into something deeper and better. So um, if you're in it right now, the hard season, the disconnect, the weight, the distance, stay present. Not because it's easy, because it's the only way through, and that's the law. The law of Cassidy. Okay, so Heather, thank you again. Um, if somebody wants to find you because they just think you're great and maybe they want to share their crazy sex story about anal and fish and cream, um, where where can they find you?
SPEAKER_01I mean, the easiest way is either through LinkedIn, okay. Uh Heather Wilson Pillow and same on Facebook. Those are my most active platforms.
SPEAKER_03Cool. Anything else you want to share with the world?
SPEAKER_01I would just say again, if you're not having fun, you have control over that. For those of us that are control freaks, you have the ability to fix what is broken. So jump in and just have have an orgasm for God's sake. Like it really does. It really does. There have been times when it ails you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, there have been times when I've been stressed and I'm like, okay, I just need to go like masturbate. And then I've got to be able to do that. Orgasm the day keeps the divorce journey away. Yes. Okay. Thanks, guys. See you next time.