How to Squirt: The Science, The Myths & What Actually Works

After nearly 20 years in the intimacy and wellness space, I've been asked this question more times than I can count...

Can every woman squirt?

In this episode, I'm breaking down the science, the myths, and the practical techniques behind squirting—without shame, unrealistic expectations, or misinformation. Whether you're simply curious, trying to understand your own body, or looking to improve intimacy with your partner, this episode is for you.

We cover what squirting actually is, why it happens, why it doesn't happen for everyone, and how to create the right environment without turning it into a performance.

In this episode I cover:

💋 What squirting actually is (and what it isn't)

💋 Is squirting pee? The science finally explained

💋 The difference between squirting and female ejaculation

💋 Can every woman squirt?

💋 Why porn has created unrealistic expectations

💋 Step-by-step techniques that actually help

💋 The biggest mistakes couples make

💋 How to remove pressure and enjoy the experience

💋 G-spot stimulation, clitoral stimulation, and why both matter

💋 Real listener questions from Confessions in the DMs

Most importantly, I want you to know this:

If you've never squirted, you're not broken.

Pleasure isn't measured by one specific experience. Your body isn't failing you, and intimacy should never become a performance.

If this episode helped you, share it with your partner or send it to someone who's always wondered but was too embarrassed to ask.

Subscribe for more conversations about intimacy, relationships, confidence, and everything people are usually too uncomfortable to talk about.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay, guys, welcome back. After nearly 20 years in the intimacy and wellness space, I have heard every version of this question, and today we are answering all of them. No shame, no giggling, just the actual information your body deserves. It's a quickie, and we are going to be going over squirting. How can I squirt? Why can I squirt? And how can I make it happen? So welcome back, Vein Ones. Let's get into it. Welcome to The Law of Cassidy, where we talk intimacy, business, power, healing, and the conversations most people are too uncomfortable to have. I'm Cassidy, entrepreneur, wife, mom, and someone who spent nearly two decades talking about and having conversations that people just don't have. So if someone sent you this episode, you're in the right place, and let's get into it. I probably get this question. I want to say like 400 times a month, but a lot, okay? And I'm gonna give you all this information, but I am gonna give you a little bit of a disclaimer. So I think so many times, so many of us want to have an experience or create an experience like something we saw in porn, or you know, men have this vision that this is how it's supposed to go. I'm here to tell you that with these tips and tricks, if you feel as if it's not happening, nothing is wrong with you, you're not broken. Some people can just do it and some people can't. So I actually don't regularly educate on this, but I know it's a hot topic. So I thought it would be a great idea to kind of go over some pointers and the nitty-gritty details of what is squirting? Can I do it? So let's dive into it. So we're gonna start with the actual definition because there's a lot of confusion about it what it even is. So squirting is the release of fluid from the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm. So not from the vagina, from the urethra, the same place you pee from, which is why the pee question exists. We'll get to that in a minute. Okay. So it's typically a clear to slightly cloudy fluid. It can happen during orgasm, but it doesn't have to. You can squirt without orgasming and orgasm without squirting. They are related, but not the same event. Hopefully, you guys are taking notes. Okay. So it's most commonly associated with the G spot and simultaneously clitoral stimulation, okay? Because those areas press up against the urethra when aroused. So stimulating them can create the pressure that leads to quote unquote squirting. So, and here's something most people don't know. When the clitoris is aroused, it actually grows in size. The internal structure of the clitoris is actually much larger than what you see internally. I'm gonna ask my guy to have throw me this pillow. I should have brought it. It's right here on the couch. Sorry. Hi, welcome to sex ed 101. Okay, so this is your vagina. This is your clitoris. Most people think this is the clitoris, okay? This is your actual like vaginal, okay? Um, this is actually your clitoris. I know. I love playing the game of like showing this to dudes and being like, what is it? I asked Josh and he said to me, Is that your fallopian tubes? So, like this is saying, the internal structure of the clitoris is much larger than you see externally. And that internal structure wraps around the vaginal canal. See, it's wrapped around the canal, okay, and presses against the urethra right here. Okay. So this is why the stimulation in that area can trigger squirting. So your body is extraordinary, it does this on purpose. I mean, isn't it so cool that we have this clitoris? Just the sole purpose is just for pleasure. So, yes, we love that. Okay, so we're gonna go over the question that I get or the responses that I get a lot where people are like, okay, the pea question, is it pee? Honest answer. So the short answer squirting fluid is not the same as urine, but it does come from the same place and may contain the same elements found in urine. Okay, so here's the science squirting fluid comes from the skeins glands, which sometimes called the female prostate, people have called it that, okay, and exits through their urethra. Research has found that this fluid has a different composition than urine and is not the same thing. However, if you have a full bladder when you squirt, the fluid will likely contain more urine, which is why the advice is almost universal. Empty your bladder before you explore squirting. That way you know you're starting fresh and whatever comes out is squirt fluid and not urine. So then you can just like debunk the myth. Me and my cute little vagina pillow. So here's the other thing I need to say, even if it does contain some urine, so what? We are so conditioned to be embarrassed about our bodies, natural functions that make ourselves like feel smaller and ashamed. It's just, it's dumb. You don't need to be. Your body's doing something real and involuntary and pleasure adjacent, which we're here for all of that. So that is not something to be embarrassed about. Empty your bladder, lay the towel down or the waterproof blanket or whatever you choose in the moment. And that's like the whole strategy. So squirting versus female ejaculation, it is actually, in fact, not the same thing. So anybody who saw stuff in a video and thought it was. Um, so the distinction most people have and most of the internet, they're getting this wrong. So squirting and female ejaculation are not the same thing. So squirting is a higher volume, cleary, watery fluid, um released from the urethra, like we went over. It can look like a gush or a drip, depending on the person. Female ejaculation is a smaller amount, about two, about up to a millimeter, which is so small, um, of thicker, milkier fluid produced specifically by the skeins glands. It's much closer to the fluid produced by the prostate gland with people with penises. Okay. So you can experience both at the same time. That sounds like a jackpot. Um, you can experience one knot the other, which is normal. They're related, but they're not really like distinct. Okay. So why does the distinction matter? Because if you think you're not squirting, but you're actually experiencing female ejaculation, or vice versa, you might think something isn't working when it absolutely is. So know what you're looking for. I know you guys are all gonna test this on your bodies. I love it. Okay. Does everyone squirt? The honest answer is probably not everyone. And you guys can hate me for it, but I have always educated on this because I never want someone to feel like something's wrong with them. And it's true, some can and some some can't. So, but possibly more people than currently like experience it, they just don't know how to do it properly. So, studies show somewhere between 10 and 69% of women, that is such a large margin, have squirted, which is a huge range. And that tells you researchers are still figuring this out. Which I could go off on a tangent about this about how we are not investing enough time and energy and money in women's sexual health. And it's kind of stupid, but that's my TED talk. Thank you for attending. Um, so what we know is the majority of people with vulvas have not experienced squirting. So, dudes, stop acting like something's wrong with your girl or expecting that from her. Okay. Thanks. Um, that doesn't mean they can't. It just means the conditions haven't been right. What conditions are needed? Full arousal, complete relaxation, which is kind of like a mind fuck because um if you're sitting there worrying about can I squirt, then that is not complete, full relaxation. Okay. Um, no pressure, no performance anxiety, and specific stimulation, usually G spot and clitoral combination, which we will go over. So um most people who eventually squirt do it after a lot of time exploring, understanding their bodies, and removal of the actual goal of being able to squirt. So ironic, but that is in fact true. So stop putting so much pressure on it, and it may actually happen. So, and for some bodies, it may not happen. So, and that is completely okay. Squirting is not a measure of pleasure or arousal or how good the sex is, okay? It's one experiencing among many that your body may or may not have, and that's okay. And I know that seems like annoying and weird. Like some some can and some can't. Well, some people can roll their tongues and some people can't. Like it just is what it is, okay? So don't make it a destination. Make the pleasure the desk, don't make it the destination, make the pleasure the destination. Everything else is a bonus. Like I talk about all the time when it comes to foreplay. I think so many people are like rushing to the orgasm, and I'm like, you're missing the entire like important part, which is leading up. Like that's the part you should enjoy. So slow your roll. Okay. So, what does it actually feel like? Um, this one varies enormously from person to person. And as you we talked about just a second ago, like, there is not a lot of studies on this. So I'm gonna give you the full range and you can kind of understand. So, the most commonly reported sensation right before squirting, the feeling that you need to pee. Okay, that's why I say all the time, just push through, work through it. Okay. This is not the thing that makes people stop. They feel the urgency and they hold back because they don't want to pee on their partner or on the sheets. But that sensation is actually the signal. It means the fluid is building and the pressure is right. The key is to not hold back. You need to let go. Let it go. I'm like Elsa. Okay, which requires trust in yourself and ideally trust in the environment you're in. Because if you feel like you may have an act, it is what it is. Like we're going full send. We're like committing to this process, okay? So, um, in terms of pleasure, some people describe it as an intensive, intensely pleasurable, particularly when it happens alongside an orgasm, which makes sense. Um, a deep release, a full body sensation. Others describe it as a more neutral, the release of pressure that feels more like a relief than pleasure. Neither is wrong, but both are valid. Like I said, wide range of just different strokes for different folks, I guess. Okay. And sometimes people don't feel much at all and realize it happened because the sheets are wetter than expected afterward. Also, completely normal. So, porn has wildly overstated what this looks like and what it feels like. Your experience is your experience. It doesn't have to look like anything you've seen before, and we all know that whole porn world, um, no sh not shaming on it, but everything just seems to be a little more elaborated and bigger than it really is. Okay. So we're gonna go into some steps. If you're like, I really want to try this and maybe like explore with my partner and figure it out. So, okay, so here's the actual guide steps, real ones from like me. I've coached, helped a lot of people in this space try and figure this out. Okay, so step one, you need to empty your bladder first. We already discussed that. Non-negotiable. So go before you start. This removes the anxiety about to pee that lets you actually let go when the sensation builds. So it's the most practical thing you can do. That's step one. Step two, set the environment. Lay a towel down, they have waterproof blankets, or take it to the shower. Okay. Um, remove the anxiety of the mess before you start because I think a lot of women get in their heads about the mess and it affects the entire process. Okay. So um, when you're worried about the sheets, you can't be present. Like I said, it creates like this anxiety. Um, and you're not present in your body, and you're not preparing the space. And then, yeah. So that's set the environment, okay? Step three, start with the full body arousal, okay? Not the genitals first, everything else first. The neck, your inner thighs, the nipples, the stomach. I'm sorry, but I'm here to tell you if you are wanting to squirt, this is like something you plan. Okay, this is going to take some time. Okay. So you want to build arousal throughout the entire body before you go anywhere near the clitoris or eternally. Squirting requires a high level of arousal, and the body needs time to get there. So, gentlemen, slow your roll. Rushing through this is the biggest mistake you could do. Okay. Four external clitoral stimulation. You're gonna spend a significant amount of time here. The G spot is actually like at the internal root of the clitoris, okay? It only becomes accessible and responsive when the clitoris is fully aroused. So that's why we're starting here. Okay. It's the preparation. Use your fingers, use the toy, take your time. So then step five is the actual G spot stimulations. You're gonna insert one or two fingers and do the little curl towards belly button. Um, I do talk about a cream gel all the time. There's multiple options on my website for that. Um, it just brings more blood flow to that area and just kind of helps with this entire process, okay? So external, external clitoral, internal G spot, okay. Um, apply firm rhythmic pressure with a come hither motion. This is a core technique. Not this, okay. We're not doing this. It is like a pull pressure, pull pressure, okay? So a curved G-spot toy makes this significantly easier because it's designed for that angle. Your fingers are gonna get tired, okay? A toy doesn't. So just noted. Let me know if you need help. I got a lot of recommendations. Okay. So six is you're gonna combine the internal and the external stimulation. So simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation is what most commonly leads to the squirting internally with fingers or a toy, externally with a vibrator or your other hand. The combination creates pressure from multiple directions, okay, on that urethral sponge. Okay. So step seven, when you feel the pee sensation, let it go. Okay. So this is the step that most people can't get past and they just like miss the entire like moment, okay? Because the sensation of needing to pee arrives and everything kind of like you like panic, everything clenches. You have to consciously override that response. Remind yourself your bladder is empty. Take a breath, release, let whatever happens happen. Okay. The letting go is the whole thing. You cannot force squirting, okay? You can only create the right conditions and then get out of your own way. And these are the tips, just like I said, 20 years of experience. This is what I always recommend to everyone, but also like the disclaimer nothing is wrong with you if you don't get to that point. Okay. So, and then number eight, remove the pressure. Okay. Studies have found it can take anywhere from 25 to 60 minutes of stimulation for squirting to occur. That is not a freaking sprint, you guys. That is not a performance. That is exploration. That is a lot of foreplay. So you need to remove squirting as the actual goal. Make pleasure the goal. And if it happens, wonderful. If it doesn't, the pleasure was awesome and still real and amazing. So this is just me being like team foreplay, team exploration, team figuring out what feels good, stimulating that, getting that full body is gonna remove that pressure. Okay. So let's get into some partner play, gentlemen. If you want to help your partner get there. So um, first you need to remove all the pressure. I keep saying that, but it is in fact true. So framing this as almost like an experiment that you guys are in together, okay? Not a performance that they need to deliver. So that's gonna change everything. The moment she feels like she needs to produce a result, it's not ever going to happen. Doesn't matter how good your fingers are or how great you are, it's not gonna happen. Okay. So engage in specifically more foreplay than you think. Like if you think you're giving enough foreplay, you probably need to add 45 minutes. Okay. Um, and then more. Full body, slow, before you touch the actual clitoris, before you go internal, build the arousal from the outside in and take your time. Okay. Third, learn the G spot location and the come hither technique. I teach this all the time in my videos. Practice it, ask for feedback, check in on pressure, speed, angle. Everybody is a little different, okay? Combine one hand internally on the G spot and a toy on the other hand or externally, the sclitor simultaneously. This just says to me, like, that's gonna be a massive hand cramp. So um, grab a toy. That's what they're there for. They're here, they're tag team teammates, okay? So, fifth, when she says it feels like she needs to pee, tell her to let go. Reassure her. This is the moment where the response matters more than your technique. She needs to know it's safe, that you've got the towel situation handled, that whatever happens is welcome. The partner who creates safety makes squirting possible, okay? So technique is secondary to trust. So hopefully this was helpful. I mean, this was like a little quickie where I'm this is how you do it, this is what you try. I have an array of products. We're gonna get into some confessions in the DMs, and then I'm gonna recommend some products for this, and then we'll wrap her up. If you love this, please share it with your partner, with your girlfriend, and let me know because I love to hear from you guys and I know these are the types of things that you want to learn about. So, confessions in the DMs first says Cassie, I have been trying to squirt for two years with my husband and it's never happened. We've tried everything. Am I broken? So, like I've said 4,000 times, you are not broken. Two things to check first. Is there any pressure attached to this? Which 90% of the time you all are just putting yourself in this massive pressure dynamic. Okay, because trying for two years with a goal in mind means every session has an outcome attached. And I know it's weird because I'm teaching you how to do this, try this, learn this, and you're like, well, that's the outcome. No, I'm wanting you to learn how to explore each other and really have that pleasurability. Okay. So the tension is the enemy. Second, have you tried solo first? So research suggests that people make squirting happen more easily through self-exploration, which makes sense. It's less performic. It doesn't feel like, oh, I'm not fulfilling the need. Okay. So start alone and just start exploring and see if that's a safer dynamic for it to happen. Okay. DM number two. I felt like I was about to squirt last week and I stopped myself because I was terrified. I was going to pee on my partner. I've been thinking about it ever since. What do I do? Just like we went over today. Um, you were so close, and the stopping is what most people do. So because the peace sensation is real and the fear is real, here's your homework. Next time, empty your butter first, like we discussed. Okay. Tell your partner what's happening, lay the towel down, and when the sensation actually arrives, breathe out and like let it go. You don't have to do anything dramatic. Just stop holding back. That's the whole move. And I think communication, like I always explain, is essential and key because if you've already communicated and discussed like this could happen, then you're just gonna be in a safer environment completely. Okay. Um, number three, my boyfriend is obsessed with making me squirt. Okay. Every dude is. It's like a thing. Okay. They learn it from porn. Okay. It has become a whole thing. Well, every time we have sex, he's trying to make it happen. And now I feel so much pressure that I can't enjoy sex at all anymore. Help. This is the thing that kills it, you guys. The actual pressure and the fact that it's his goal, not yours, in a problem worth addressing. Like, stop. Okay. We are here to this is a conversation you need to have outside of the bedroom. Like I just said, we are here to explore each other's bodies. We're here to like really embrace pleasurability, that foreplay. We need to stop with the pressure. So you need to be like, I need sex to be about pleasure, mine and yours, not about producing a specific result. The pressure has made it impossible for me to enjoy what we have. His desire to give you the experience is probably coming from a good place, but good intentions with bad execution is still something that needs correction. So I would really lean into, I want you to focus on my pleasurability and like us really like connecting and learning and you know, enjoying this and not making it this like end result thing. Okay. So this week's covet this, I'm going to recommend the OG spot bundle, you guys, because I'm trying to make your job easier. Okay. So this has the rave and the G How I Adore You cream. So the Rave 2 is ergonomically like designed specifically for G spot stimulation. It has a twisted shape and adjustable hinge, which means it stays like right on target, not almost on target. Like it's actually on the perfect spot. Two motors for dual stimulation of the G spot and the vaginal opening simultaneously. It can be app controlled, so your partner can be part of it, waterproof, and it is rechargeable. And paired with that G How I Adore You cream, the all-natural enhancement cream applied directly to the G-Spot to increase blood flow and sensitivity. It's got more L-arginine than anything else on the market, menthol to awaken the nerve endings and applied before stimulation begins. It makes the G spot more pronounced and more accessible and more responsive. So this is the combination that really removes the variables. The toy finds the spot, the cream makes sure you feel it and it makes speeds up the blood flow process. So it really together they just create great conditions. So that is the um G How I like the OG bundle on my website. It's great, those two together. Um awesome combination. So per usually, this is a quickie. So I'm not gonna keep you guys much longer, but the law of Cassidy today is your body is capable of more than you've been told, more pleasure, more sensation, more experience, and none of it requires performance or perfection or a specific outcome. So explore, take your time, remove the actual goal. You want to create the conditions and trust your body enough to let go. That's the whole thing for squirting and everything else. So that is the law, and that's your quickie. Everything you need to know about squirting. And you were too embarrassed to Google or you just weren't finding the answers. Please share this if this was helpful. And until next time, see you then.