The Lipstick Alchemists
We help ambitious women that are ready to stop playing it safe and start living in alignment.
The Lipstick Alchemists
Your Life is Giving You Feedback. Are You Listening?
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Have you ever noticed the same problems showing up over and over again—whether it’s your relationships, your finances, your career, or even your health?
What if those patterns aren’t bad luck…
What if they’re feedback?
In this episode of The Lipstick Alchemists, we’re talking about one of the hardest (and most transformative) skills you can develop: learning to honestly assess yourself without shame.
Because growth isn’t about avoiding criticism.
It’s about learning which feedback deserves your attention—and which doesn’t.
We share personal stories about receiving difficult feedback, carrying comments that stayed with us for decades, and discovering that sometimes the greatest resistance isn’t a sign you’re failing…it’s a sign you’re pursuing a path that isn’t actually yours.
This conversation will challenge you to stop looking outward for validation and start using your life as a mirror.
In this episode we discuss:
- Why your current life is your greatest source of feedback
- How to tell the difference between criticism and truth
- Why we often repeat the same relationship and money patterns
- How limiting beliefs change the way we receive feedback
- When resistance means you’re growing—and when it means you’re forcing the wrong path
- The importance of trusted people who lovingly tell you what you need to hear
- How to use feedback to build resilience instead of insecurity
- Why healing old criticism can unlock your next level of growth
The goal isn’t perfection.
It’s becoming someone who is brave enough to look honestly at herself, take what serves her, leave what doesn’t, and continue becoming who she was always meant to be.
© The Lipstick Alchemists. This material may be protected by copyright and is used for reference and attribution purposes only.
If this message resonated with you, subscribe to The Lipstick Alchemists and share it with a friend who’s ready for more alignment, courage, and sparkle in her life.
Welcome to the Lipstick Alchemist, the podcast for ambitious women ready to stop playing it safe and start living in alignment. We'll explore the mindset shifts, the soul nudges, and awaken the version of you you were always meant to be with.
SPEAKER_00Okay, guys, we have one of my least favorite. Just kidding, it's my most favorite. Just kidding, it's actually my least topic, which is being able to self-assess and the dreaded feedback. Feedback. It usually starts like this. And if you have- I need to talk to you. And then I don't answer my text back for many days while you sweat about what I might need to talk about. And then you get some sort of feedback, maybe that you deem is accurate or not. And I I think the what we really want to get into today is how do you take the feedback of your life, of what you know about yourself, of your trusted confidence, and from people who aren't aligned with you and combine that and and learn from it in a way that advances your development. But it's not the easiest. No.
SPEAKER_01And it's not always true. And but I think when, you know, we even talked in our last episode, go listen if you haven't yet, but we were talking about confidence and worth and how oftentimes we're searching for that external validation. And so if that tends to be who you are and how you've approached kind of your growth and development versus the internal, then you you kind of run the risk as you're getting feedback, especially if it's constructive criticism, you take it more as rejection.
SPEAKER_00And I think yeah, I think it's two parts, and we talked about this in the confidence side as well. It's it's the feedback that you take so deeply to heart that literally brings you to your knees sometimes that you fear is true, or maybe is true, and the feedback that is um, you know, designed to help but and has application, or maybe not designed to be helpful at all. But here's what I know for sure about feedback is where where you sit today um in your relationships, financially, um, health-wise, it that is your best form of feedback. And so if you're, you know, find yourself repeating patterns um in relationships. Shout out to my exes, just kidding, I hate you. Um you really are you find yourself with the same person over and over. I don't really that also has a you find yourself in this in the same relationship over and over again with you know.
SPEAKER_01Everyone's with different people, yes, but the same tendencies. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00What better feedback, whether they're misaligned financially, uh, whatever it is, that is not about them. And it's way more fun to make it about them and to get all your girlfriends together and motherfuck them and drink wine. But I'm much more mature than that. We both obviously obviously and so, but I think that pattern of behavior, and I use this one because it's such a relatable, is showing you there, you're getting feedback to yourself. You continue to select what you tell everybody you don't want. So, how about you're not a magnet for dickheads? You're the dickhead. You have to turn that mirror back and really say, What, why am I continuing to be attracted to something that I don't want? And we know what that thing is. And same as if you're eating too much, um, if you're spending too much, that is literally your best form of feedback is where are you sitting today? And getting real and having some hard conversations with yourself to say this one area of my life is not good enough. And chances are the person who is fucking it up is me. And that that takes courage. It's much more fun to blame everyone else.
SPEAKER_01Well, and you know, on our last episode, we had talked about the achievement piece and how it's like we just check, check the box, we're moving from one thing to another. I think even when we're doing that and it's not the achievement piece, we're just moving from one thing to another. It's a lot easier to just do that than to stop and pause and self-assess on like, why am I where I am? What's holding me back from going into this next phase? Like, why am I still not there yet? Like, what if it's you that's holding you back? So I think sometimes it's easier, obviously easier, to just go on about life, blaming it on everybody.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and I think you know, it's way, way easier. And the answer is it always is you. Yeah, it's always you if you choose even just a pool of friends that are not advocates of if you choose, you know, the answer is always you. And I think the feedback that you're getting from the world, um, rather than deflecting it, is uh all an opportunity to really transform, even if you cry for a few days after you receive it. But I think, you know, what our patterns of behavior are are the best feedback. But there's another kind called people giving you the old, I want to give you some feedback. The dreaded corporate lingo. And you I think always brace, especially depending on on your confidence in your life, you are, you know, bracing for something that's probably gonna cause you to ruminate for however long it is, depending on how nasty or how um fragile you are. And I think sometimes, rarely do we get to a place of really looking at what in that feedback resonates. And if I am really taken down by it, it probably means there are some hard truths in there that I need to face on my own. And that's the only way to fix it.
SPEAKER_01So, how have you done that?
SPEAKER_00I prefer receive no feedback, and you know, whenever you try to tell me anything constructive, I immediately lash out and take the fuck directly out of my office. So my Or you just don't tell me at all because then you know I'm No, I definitely always tell you, and then you do your got it. I'll give you all time. And I but I think we are a good example because I think I know that when we have dialogue like that, it's truly from a place of caring. And it truly is from somebody who I know who is not trying to hurt me, has my best interests at heart, and would never give me feedback or or you know, a criticism or coaching of any kind that was not meant to help me. Does that mean I respond with grace and poise? Not once. I'm working on it, but I think when you when you hear something from someone that knows you that well, the chances of it being true are triggering. Yeah. And I think it it's hard in those moments, especially when you know that the person truly has the purest intent. Because that's when you have to shine the mirror back and be like, okay, do like she's right, it might take me a little bit to get there and a couple of drinks, but um, I think those are the the most important feedback and the hardest to hear sometimes because who knows you better than a trusted confidant or friend.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, I would just emphasize that like you've said that a couple times around the well-meaning, and that's really the distinguishing piece is ensuring that you're separating when you're hearing that is this coming from somebody that you just described, and if so, then like maybe it's time to self-assess. Um, but if not, then who the fuck cares what they have to say anyways?
SPEAKER_00I know that is, I think it really I I look at kind of my life, you know, we work in a world that is you get a lot of feedback in. You get feedback in outcomes that you're driving, you get feedback in um who comes and who goes, and it's really a direct line. And I think when the stakes are high and it's something you really care about or someone you really care about, it's that's when it's most difficult and when we tend to ruminate and uh and deflect. And I think that is almost the the least evolved place to be. Even if you get feedback from somebody who you don't really love or respect, but it bugs you, that is not about how much you respect their opinion or what if it bugs you on on a level that feels more than fuck off, then there's something there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think it could come from anybody, and sometimes it might even be an accidental comment, but the things that sting the most are giving you the the keys to what you need to heal and really uh self-evaluate because we know these things already.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, and what's interesting, because I as you were saying that, it had me thinking about times, especially more on the corporate side, where I was like really trying to to grow into a role that I thought I wanted and become a person I thought I was supposed to be. But at the end of it, and so the feedback always was like, I never felt like I was good enough, which was not the feedback I was being given. That was how I was taking it. Yeah. And now in hindsight, I look back and I'm like, well, it's because I it wasn't aligned to who I was supposed to be. So of course I continued to get the feedback because I that wasn't what I was good at. And but also I wasn't supposed to be moving in that direction. And so I think where I missed the opportunity because I wasn't at the I wasn't the type of person that I am today, is I never took the time to self-assess to say, well, did I show up in the way that I want? Is that even what I'm working towards? Am I gonna be living out my purpose if that is something that I'm supposed to be so good at and I'm not? And the answer was no. But it took me forcing, you know, things kicking the can down the road a million gajillion times and having to hear the feedback that honestly was probably never gonna come to fruition. But thank God I didn't I didn't end up in that spot. Um, but I just think it's interesting that sometimes it were we're it's us maybe not you're getting that because maybe you're not moving the direction that you're supposed to be.
SPEAKER_00I agree. And I think those are a lot of times, I mean, those are such hard pills to swallow for women who have a dream for their life that's based on, you know, climbing the ladder and when you fail to, when you meet the resistance um of not being, you know, starting to hate Mondays, not being able to advance in the way that you once were, um, not like relationships falling away, that is truly a sign. And when you're getting feedback that you're not good at your job, in my case, and I wasn't, that was resistance of saying, bitch, this is not for you. But I think because all of that feedback coming in is hard to hear when you're when you're met with resistance and it sort of lowers your entire confidence when really that is the best kind of feedback to say if I go someplace or I I'll use a more current example. If I'm sitting across from somebody um that I'm working with and I don't feel good when I'm with them, like I don't feel aligned to the dreams that they have, I don't feel um their their um goals and purpose don't resonate with me. Um, that is a feedback, and I'm gonna get the feedback from the client eventually that we're misaligned and it will come, but that very first knowing. Yeah, and those are the hard things to make decisions on because you want to help everybody and you want, but you do know which friends you're aligned to, which um and your your gut and mind knows, and oftentimes we give ourselves nine or ten or eleven chances to run into a brick roll fall because you want it so bad, yeah. And you in your mind you haven't opened it up that there's other possibilities. But I think those those clues really are everything. Um, what about external feedback? Like when you're really getting, let's say, from um, I mean, even I think the things, what are some things maybe that have set you back the most from like a feedback perspective or like friends, or like what do you think were some of the most like devastating? I have some in my head though. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01Gosh, I'm trying to think what I can I can think of what a lot of them were from things that I like you've kind of said before, that were things that I've maybe thought about for myself or had worried that this is something that I'm portraying out there. And then I get feedback on um the way that I look, or I remember um years and years ago in college when I was much heavier, and so my chest was even bigger than which is hard to imagine.
SPEAKER_00Perfect for motorboating and doing body shots from. I don't see the problem.
SPEAKER_01And I'll never forget a friend of mine's mom basically commented on like a tank top that I was wearing, and I was like 18 years old in college and already very concerned about my weight. And she was like this good Catholic woman, and I'm Catholic. And so for her to judge me, I I still think about it 20 years later, and I still feel like sometimes I hear as I'm wearing different things, it uh it like bothers me. And I'm like, Jesus, Stevie, like 20 years ago, like can we move the phones on from this? So it answer is no.
SPEAKER_00We're burning down our house later today, obviously. Flaming bag of poop coming up, egging, no eggs on toilet paper. We got a TP coming in hot.
SPEAKER_01Um, so I mean that's a funny example, but I I do think it is like literally to see how there is feedback now that I get that I feel like I maybe that holds some weight and these things that I still need to heal, but I do think I've gotten a lot better over time of getting different pieces of thing that I'm like, no, does that actually re represent who I am? And I can kind of self-assess, like, is it true or not? Um, but I do feel like they're probably with the looks or something portraying about um if I'm putting myself out there like I that I think I'm too good, which is I'm always scared to take risks and be courageous and post about things. And so what if if I get feedback that's like makes me feel like maybe I was too much, um, that's really hard for me.
SPEAKER_00I think that is those are the hardest bits. And I I bet if I had to guess, I think, especially at 18, and your, you know, your jugs are astronomical, which I would love to have that problem. Um, I think it also when you grow up with a conservative background, you're there's a a pain in that to say at the insinuation that you're because it's so contrary to your character and your makeup um and who you are, isn't you know, not even close per permissive, like it implies permissive. Totally.
SPEAKER_01I mean that's what I yeah, which I mean more maybe we'll address that on another episode.
SPEAKER_00Attention audience, she's the furthest thing.
SPEAKER_01I did live in a convent.
SPEAKER_00Literally, but I think that is such a good example of saying these are things that are uh deep-seated in your belief system. If and you're in your mind, because I have a tank top on, I am somebody cleavage. Yeah, cleaning. I'm somebody who is banging my way through U of A when it couldn't be furthest from the truth. But I think but the feedback was really telling you, okay, yeah, there is a like two sides of you that needs to please and align with your insides. And maybe I think aligning those two, but I can see why it's so painful because your values are so important to you. And when someone insinuates that your values are different because of a TikTok, it burns you to the ground.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And so imagine if, again, that was something that care that I still kind of again, it just like peaks in. I'm like, ha, that's silly. But it's like 20 years. So if we are women today and the that we're talking to you right now, and you you have feedback that you're taking in the way that I did as a young 18-year-old, you run the risk of 20 years later being in the same spot. Like care, the weight of carrying that is just not worth it. No. Um, when again, if we're all just trying to become better, like just look at yourself and figure out are you are you working on evolving into the person you're meant to be? If the answer is yes, awesome. But I do I do think we have to make sure we're taking the time now to ask, like, okay, am I getting feedback that I'm carrying that's digging real deep? Um, because man, I know I don't want to be 64 worrying about what someone thought of me when I was 44. Like, that's so stupid.
SPEAKER_00No, and I think that is the the biggest thing about feedback is that you know, that comment could have come from a frigid asshole who Who wishes she had money. Yeah. But that's not real, it's not really about dismissing her feedback. Yeah, it's about looking into why it still sits with you. Because if she was a cunt and you're still carrying the feedback, that really is totally about you, not about validating someone's feelings that really doesn't matter. A million percent. It's about how the the and I think that's why reactions can be so strong depending on how important the the person is to you and their approval, and then how true you know the feedback to be, or how how much you fear that that feedback could be true.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I and I think that goes back to though also having I mean, we said this in the other episode, and I really think our podcast is so much about building a community of women that are well intended, intention. And you know, nobody wants to hear constructive feedback. But if you are um surrounding yourself with people who want to build you up, know what your um your goals are, care about your you're gonna, you should be getting constructive, kind feedback or things that help you along the way. And if you're not, then you probably need to level up your circle. Because women that care about each other and see and want to help, don't let their friends uh, you know, make continue to make an obvious mistake. And I mean, the number of times we've had to have hard conversations, vice versa, on personal life where it's like, this is like I that's not a place of judgment, but I don't want this for you. And it doesn't, I think whether it's business or personal, if you're not having those constructive conversations, you also probably are surrounding yourself with women who are helping you get better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, and if as you what I think about too is as you're stepping, evolving into this next version of yourself when the people know that, as we've talked about before, sometimes your your I identity gets pulled back. Like you have setbacks because you don't like trying to figure out this cross between like getting to where you want to be and who you are now. And so we both space that this year where you kind of get pulled back potentially into your old habits and your old behaviors and that old version of yourself. And sometimes you need someone close to you to help point that out and help you see, like, oh wait, are you sure? Like, but we talked about you're trying to get here. Yeah, and now you're doing what you used to do.
SPEAKER_00And it's annoying as fuck to be called out around shit. It fucking pisses you the fuck off. And you're like, Tell me how you really pissed. I've I've always been a shrinking violet. I think that when the those stingers are delivered, it it pisses you the fuck off because you don't have anything to do but look in the mirror and be like, I the reason, yeah, or cry. I I mean, how many times have has something disappointing happened or feedback and I just pull the covers over my head and I'm like, I'll be out in a week? Because it those things that you care about and the people you care about, they know how to help you get better. But I I really feel that building your confidence is also about being able to hear constructive feedback and not letting it bring you to your knees. And that was a huge opportunity for me. If I had a setback of honestly, when I look back on it, the tiniest bit, it would really send me into a tailspin. And I would ruminate over this tiny detail, you know, not getting the outcome, not, you know, having a client move on, or and it would just devastate me. And I think learning to accept feedback and really assess and say, Did I do my best? What can I learn from this? Helps you pull yourself back up. Because it took me forever to get through setback. I mean, same. I've talked about it for weeks on end. And I think I have heard that story at least nine times. I mean, you do though. They it sticks, but I but building resilience is the only way. And I think looking inside is the only way. So if you have an outcome that's bad and you're like, oh, they don't matter anyway, they're not a lot. That is not building resilience. That's dismissing something that's painful, and you're gonna ruminate on the ones you dismiss way more than the ones that you look at and go, why did that like hurt so bad? What am I, what can I learn about myself so that when I get rejection, like I'm always like we all face, I can, you know, still cry, still probably cuss you out, but apply it in a way that doesn't take me down and take me out of my highest, you know, purpose.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and bounce back, even just to be able to say to yourself, like, okay, take five minutes, cry it out, and then we're getting back to business. You know, I think it's important.
SPEAKER_00I think so too. I think it's always shows up in the I'm thinking of my sister right now, and I think I think everybody knows I'm an Irish twin. Hi, Teen. And probably our last fist fight, like actual fist fight, was when we were like 40. I'm not kidding. It was, and I I think about that number.
SPEAKER_01You know the one in Las Vegas?
SPEAKER_00It was actually we had one right in the front yard where we rolled out of an Uber onto the front yard, and that's my honky tonks night, everybody. So I'm gonna take off my hoop earrings. Sorry, T for telling everybody this, but I think those those arguments escalated to such a level because your sister, especially when you're an Irish twin, knows everything about you and she knows how to and that's why you're oftentimes most triggered by the people who know your demons and know your, and those are the people that really can help you the most. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You hear that T, you can help her the most.
SPEAKER_00See you with a midget Elvis in Vegas. I still have that quick right, though, T. So stay clear.
SPEAKER_01Oh, goodness. Okay. On that note, this is a fun, I think, really important conversation. Well, not really fun, but a really important conversation to have. So I agree. Can't wait to come back.
SPEAKER_00And I think find some people that you really respect their opinion and ask them. You know, go out there and and seek um input from women who you love and admire, and then don't punch them in the face when they deliver a message you don't like. We love you.
SPEAKER_01Oh, thanks. See y'all next time. Bye.