Slightly Above Average Podcast

We Ranked Every Fast Food Breakfast

• John Malecki, Sam Poola, and Joe Meinert • Episode 18

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We tasted and ranked breakfast from McDonald's, Chick-fil-A, Wendy's, Sheetz, Burger King, Eat'n Park, and 7/11 to build the definitive tier list. We’re judging every bite on flavor, value, and exactly how much you regret your life choices 30 minutes later.

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7-Eleven Substitution And Setup

SPEAKER_01

Let's eat the 7-Eleven garbage.

SPEAKER_03

You get a pillow of respect on 7-Eleven.

SPEAKER_01

This isn't bad at all. What's your definition of good? Barely above dog food.

SPEAKER_03

But for a treat though, there's nothing treaty about that.

SPEAKER_01

That's more of like a punishment. Slightly above average. Today we're ranking every fast food joint that we could get our hands on. We've got childhood favorites all the way to some new era stuff that personally I've never even tried. When the scores come out at the end, there's gonna be some weirdness here. We can all probably attest to that. None of us have been prepped in what's been purchased, but I do think we have some classics as well as some of their new generation products. I'm pretty pumped to get into this. I never eat like this. The boys here, well, they're also pretty excited. So we're skipping Sam's snack segment today and just diving right in. We've got six different chains ranging from McDonald's, Taco Bell, Wendy's Burger King Sheets, and a curveball local Eden Park. Fine. Sam selected Eden Park. He he he fought for it hard. Some of these are handheld, some of these aren't. This should be fun. You boys ready to get into it? Absolutely. Where are we starting?

SPEAKER_04

Also, some bad news. Um, Taco Bell advertises breakfast. He went to three different ones. None of them were open for breakfast, none of them serve breakfast. So we had to sub in a classic of 7-Eleven.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. What a shame though. I will say I was skeptic of Taco Bell breakfast. I stopped there one time reluctantly years ago, and it's it's actually not. Yeah, I used to mess that up all the time when I was.

SPEAKER_04

I've never had it. I wanted to try it, but I never knew. Like a lot of these places they advertise breakfast, but some like you know, locations aren't open for breakfast. Yeah. That's insane. How is that possible?

SPEAKER_03

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know. It's crazy. You advertise it and then you can't go get it.

SPEAKER_03

We are in Pittsburgh. In Pit Pittsburgh fast food places, they make up their own rules. All it takes is a piece of printer paper with some text written on the colour. You're not wrong. You're not wrong.

Defining Great Fast Food Breakfast

SPEAKER_01

The printer, like it is, it's it's it's almost like uh gospel, that printer paper dock. Just on a window and a drive-thru. Also here in Pittsburgh, I don't know if this is everywhere else, but like we quite often at fast food joints have two windows where one of them is permanently closed. Like back in the day, they'd take your cash in one and give you the food at the other. They don't do that anymore. Then you get up there and it's just sadness. But anyway.

SPEAKER_04

I guess before we dive in, uh, because these are all breakfast foods. Yeah. Um, what makes a good fast food breakfast spot? I mean what makes a breakfast good for you guys and your criteria? Fast food breakfast?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I mean, you gotta have convenience, right? So it's gotta be consistent, it's gotta be easy to eat, can't be messy, and yeah, like if you need to use a fork, you're getting demoted in my book. Like, get the forks out of here on fast food breakfast, right? Third, I need salt, right? You got it. Why? Because I'm typically I'm only eating this stuff if I'm hungover as hell. Yeah. So like I need the salt, I need to be retaining water, I need to be hydrating with it. Um, and like I it it ha it has to be for me packed with protein. Like, I'm not eating Really. Yeah, I'm not eating just like bread uh for breakfast.

SPEAKER_04

Sometimes you need the carbs to soak up the alcohol.

SPEAKER_01

You do, but I need protein with it. Like I'm not, I'm never gonna eat just pancakes. I'm never gonna eat just French chips.

SPEAKER_04

I get that, but you'll get that with maybe some protein.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I need like a mountain of eggs and a mountain of bacon, and then those come up for the vessel I delivered into my mouth.

SPEAKER_04

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I I feel like with the uh like fast food breakfast, obviously very little of it is is real. So it's all about mimicking that I mean like the eggs, like no one's cracking eggs and yeah, they are. No, they got a big old sack of powder, they mix with some line. Dude, this you're such a rookie. Have you ever seen a McDonald's? The the eggs over easy, they have a log and they cut the log.

SPEAKER_01

First off, you got the ham on this, so you're this is a real egg, Sam. That's from the egg log. No, it is not from the egg log. I unless they're probably frozen. They're cracked directly on the griddle. Yeah, the egg McMuffin reigns supreme. I'll I'm gonna fight you today. All right. I love a good McMuffin, though. I'm gonna fight you. Also, also, I am pissed that I just opened that. Pissed. Who the f gets ham?

SPEAKER_04

Your hands are probably super greasy. Pam. They can moisturize.

SPEAKER_00

Who got the ham?

SPEAKER_04

Jeff. Damn it! That actually makes it what's wrong with ham.

SPEAKER_01

Ham's the f worst! Exactly. That's why we're tet we're tasting No, dude, it's the sausage egg McMuffin with cheese.

SPEAKER_03

It's the it's the I actually I do think I did write down sausage. I do actually agree, it probably should have been sausage.

SPEAKER_00

You're fire!

SPEAKER_03

God, that just ruined this whole thing for me. That was all I was looking forward to. There's the the BK sandwich probably has some sausage. What'd you guys grow up eating out of here? Anything? None. The breakfast, the only thing that still to this day still holds up, the breakfast burritos from McDonald's. They're elite. They're the best.

SPEAKER_04

See, I don't know how you eat that shit. What? Dude, the bread you got them the one day we did the 24-hour uh filming. Yeah. And he brought in all these breakfast burritos, and I ate them, and I felt so terrible after the show.

SPEAKER_03

Energy sucked out of me. One of the one of the best, and I was had by it, and they they brought it back a couple years ago is the steak, egg, and cheese sandwich, and it's like they'll get like a ground beef patty and like put whatever fillers and chemicals in it to make it taste like it's like a fresh, like it has like a steakish taste, but I had one one time. It was this man's eating.

SPEAKER_01

You've eaten one of those.

SPEAKER_03

No, no, no, no. One afternoon. No, no, no. I ate one, I got hooked, and I've been chasing the dragon ever since, and I keep trying them, and they're terrible. Every other time, there's like chunky.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so your problem is never eat that sober. Uh maybe that might have been it. The steak, egg, and cheese bagel was glorious. And this is how much of a rookie I know you are. What? Because it was a steaking that wasn't broken up into bits, it was just cooked on both sides with onions and cheese on a real egg thrown onto a bag. I believe it's a real egg. It was. I I ate these in so much volume in my early 20s. I literally can't describe it. This was every morning after we were I was drinking. Every morning with the with my NFL buddies. I'm talking hundreds of dollars in McDonald's or hundreds of dollars. One of the other yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Chick-fil-A smack.

SPEAKER_03

Can you couldn't beat it? Can you verify that the egg log is retired from McDonald's? The what? The egg log. The McDonald's egg log. The only reason I would the only thing I would ever believe there is that you you worked there. Is this what you're talking about? Yeah, they get they get those in by the truckload, they slice them to throw them on the I don't think that's real pulling. See it in the bottom left? Huh.

SPEAKER_01

That's what it looks like on the griddle. Wow, they have little cast iron pans. Yeah, the real real eggs. And I bet you Jeffrey worked at one.

SPEAKER_04

Did anyone see what that popped up in that Google search? No, was it? I'm not gonna read it.

SPEAKER_01

So where are we starting here? As a kid, we we were uh we were just never ate out. Like we would everything was cooked at home. My dad would take me and Jeffrey to McDonald's potentially if he needed to go to the bank on a Saturday morning, but it didn't, it stopped serving breakfast at 10. So we like missed it all the time. So I've always been very nostalgic about this steak, or excuse me, the break, the sausage, egg, and cheese, McMuffin. And to me, it's the pinnacle of a breakfast sandwich. No one else really competes. And I because I don't consider Chick-fil-A breakfast as being like a breakfast. Like chicken on a breakfast sandwich isn't like in the same category. Now it's good. I eat it all the time. Yeah. But it's like not a normal thing. Like chicken can be eaten all day long. You're not eating breakfast sausage for lunch or something. That's a treat. Right? It's a treat. But I do have one thing here that if we did not get it, I'm going to absolutely lose my mind. I think it's sitting there, but it's it is the most elite breakfast item to ever exist in a fast food restaurant. What is it? We'll see if it we'll see if it comes up, Joe.

SPEAKER_04

The only one I've had um whenever I was younger, my dad would go to the chiropractor, and there's I have two brothers, we'd all rotate going with him every now and then to also get adjusted. And that was the one day a week on a Friday, he'd take us to Burger King and we'd get a breakfast sandwich for BK. There was no other fast food restaurants near us. So occasionally we'd get one as a treat and it would smack. Oh, that's glorious. And they still, I think we I think we got that today, the breakfast croissant sandwich.

SPEAKER_01

So what are we doing? We're gonna taste it and then we're gonna rank it one one through ten. One through ten. Not knowing what each other are saying, and then we're gonna we'll have a winner by the end.

SPEAKER_03

Cool. Where do you want to kick us off at? Where should we start? I mean, we have this BK right in front of us. Let's not.

Tasting 7-Eleven And Scoring Shock

SPEAKER_04

You wanna you wanna you wanna go back to my childhood, man, you and Dan for me? Oh wow. Too nice. Should we start with the worst? That's what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_01

Kind of 7-Eleven garbage. Oh, that's not a bad idea. So I'm I'm just looking at it. I'm like, I I'd rather enjoy BK's not gonna be much closer. So we've got some hash browns here. It's like a little cube. You can see light through that. Yep, that looks disgusting. Come on, man. Okay, so I wanna. We've got a honey butter chicken waffle. I'm gonna get this next to my microphone so you can hear. This is so hard. You're probably gonna hurt your jaw. And then a sausage egg and cheese croissant claiming to have 15 grams of protein. Um we sub these in for Taco Bell. Yeah, no, this is disappointing. Do we have knives?

SPEAKER_03

Right in that kitchen where the cutlery is.

SPEAKER_01

Uh so looking at this thing. Oh wow. It looks like it looks it looks like um it looks like they bought a box of Jimmy Deans and microwave. Yeah, it does. It's so poorly made that the cheese isn't even melted. This one's actually looking kind of appetizing. Nothing about that looks a little sweet and savory. I don't understand at what point an Americans need to be super fat, which like I am. I'm a fat guy, but like, why can't we just keep waffles, waffles? Why do we have to make them into like a bun? You can't eat a waffle on the go. You could eat this on the go. You shouldn't need to eat a waffle on the go.

SPEAKER_04

That's one of the parts of these we have to rate it on. It's convenience. 7-Eleven arguably is probably one of the more convenient places to get food from. You just walk in, grab it.

SPEAKER_01

This looks disgusting, Joe. I am so sorry. Oh wow, that is hard. Come on. Right. Starting out with a tater tot or whatever hard. Alright, it's got a good crisp. It's cold as hell. You want some of this waffle? This is Joe, you want to take some of this chicken waffle?

SPEAKER_03

Alright, let's go for the tater tot. Alright.

SPEAKER_01

Are we you guys do tater tot first? Oh wow. Are we just ranking the store overall overall experience for breakfast?

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Wow. That tater tot tastes like the air of a 7-Eleven. That's not a good thing. I can literally taste the I can taste the smell of a 7-Eleven. That was pretty awful. Too much. Too much. Wow. What in the is this? Okay, the chicken waffle.

SPEAKER_04

It's a chicken waffle?

SPEAKER_02

Wow. That's not bad. We have a different syrup. Definition. Sweet. Savory. A little bit of crunch. You disappoint me, man. You disappoint me. That's not bad.

SPEAKER_04

It's so sugary. It's not like you, you know, you've had great maple syrup, but what do you expect?

SPEAKER_03

I mean, we're going for the OG. Sausage. Wow, that sausage does not look like that. The sausage is the only thing appealing about it. I don't think 7-Eleven's cracking any eggs.

SPEAKER_01

No. I already got my remote.

SPEAKER_04

I think Pula needs to go first. He needs to set the standard here.

SPEAKER_01

And the only my biggest thing with this is that Sam, he's gonna vote on some crazy weird shit, Mike. For what reason? For no reason whatsoever. It's gonna be like some nostalgic trips that he took back in 2005, Joe.

SPEAKER_03

You're not wrong. I don't know if I have the nostalgia. I feel like I gave 7-Eleven a very fair score. Yeah. Fair? Are we ready? Yeah. Go ahead and pull a two. What? 6.5. Two. What? This is barely above dog food. Yeah. All right. You uh six and a half. How can you give that a six and a half? I mean, I think there's some higher ones on here. I mean, that that chicken half?

SPEAKER_04

Holy shit, dude.

SPEAKER_03

The chicken sandwich. The chicken sandwich.

SPEAKER_04

It was just what the f is your criterion savor.

SPEAKER_01

What's a ten to you? We're gonna find out. The only thing any decency was the freshly fried cube thingy. This. Everything else was trash.

SPEAKER_04

I'm so disappointed in you right now, man.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

A six and a half? I'm only saying that because it's edible is bad. No, it's the only reason I gave it a two. A three, just because, you know, worst case scenario, if there's nothing else for breakfast and I need to eat, I'll still go there. Exactly. It's not like I'm gonna just not eat, but I'd consider not eating. It would be a conversation in my head. I would actually go in and I'd buy a yogurt. Or an energy drink. I'd get an energy drink or like pack up.

SPEAKER_03

But for a treat, though, you want to treat yourself with a treatment.

SPEAKER_04

Our definitions, I think, are all so different. Like a treat. Like uh you said the hungry man was a treat.

SPEAKER_03

Right? It well a treat doesn't necessarily have to be objectively the best.

SPEAKER_00

It could just be something of treat.

SPEAKER_03

It could just be something you don't have that often.

SPEAKER_01

That sounds more of like a punishment. I'm gonna punish myself. Get this out of here. On to the next. Can we get a trash can in this room? Yeah, I'll grab one. Moving on. Coming out the gate with a with an elite score. We've got 11 and a half. Out of 30. Total. This is a good deal. Like a collective uh 11 and a half out of 30. We've got Sam for some reason giving 7-11 hitting it way above its belt. Slightly above average. Like the belt that didn't be the pants shouldn't even be out. I'm gonna write these down. Yeah, 2, 3, 6 and a half. Which was an 11 and a half.

Wendy’s Breakfast Baconator Surprise

SPEAKER_04

Which one? That was 7-Eleven. We added 7-Eleven.

SPEAKER_01

Sam, take us on our next jount. Let's you know what? Let's try old Wendy's. Wendy's has breakfast? Hey, real quick, this episode of Slightly Above Average is brought to you guys by First Form, a brand that you know at this point I absolutely love. I've been lifting, I've been walking, I've been trying to push it a little bit more to get in better shape. And let's face it, I'm getting older. Recovering, it catches up to you. And that's why I love Formula One. It's specifically formulated for recovery. It's a rapid digesting whey protein isolate made for post-workout recovery. I just mix a scoop with water, literally takes 10 seconds, gas it down. It's that easy. It's actually become my go-to protein powder. Everything they do is third-party tested and certified. So you know what you're getting. Just go to firstwarm.com forward slash slightly above average and grab something for yourself. Right now, they're gonna give you a free five pack of their protein sticks with your order. And if you don't like it, they're gonna give you a 30-day money-back guarantee with an extra 10% on top of it. So that's 110% of your money back. Firstform.com forward slash slightly above average. Check them out, give them a taste. Appreciate you. Now let's get back to the episode.

SPEAKER_04

Breakfast Baconator. Oh! So the reason I name it its own. Years ago, when I was when I moved to Dallas, we uh were driving down and my dad wanted to try the Baconator breakfast sandwich so bad. We stopped at six Wendy's, none of them served breakfast. And so you guys are on a quest. We were dude, we stopped on the there's a lot of Wendy's on the way from here to Dallas. Right? Your old man wanted it. And so, you know, he can't taste it today, but this one's for him for me. What's the other one?

SPEAKER_01

Do you just get two of these?

SPEAKER_04

I don't know. I think they're just two. Yeah, that was Jeff. I think Jeff probably wants one for himself. There's yours. Yeah, Jeff Jeffrey lives on this garbage.

SPEAKER_03

Even just the feeling of this one alone. I feel like we're already up a couple tiers. The bread's very soft, has a nice smell to it. Yeah, so trash can't over here, buddy. Yeah. What is it?

SPEAKER_04

Wow, this actually looks so much better than it's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01

So there's going on looks alone. The bread feels soft. Also, Sam, I'm gonna point it out. The egg looks real. This one does look real. No egg log. You've got yeah, you got a yolk and egg that actually smells like egg.

SPEAKER_04

The smell test smells good.

SPEAKER_01

All right, here we go. Bacon aider breakfast sandwich from Wendy's on a bun. Wow. Mm-hmm. Wow. Now we're talking.

SPEAKER_03

Is there a sauce on there or is there just a cheese? I think it's just cheese. I can't is this sausage or is this a beef patty on here? You literally can't tell the difference.

SPEAKER_01

No wonder this guy rates all this shit so high. That's a sausage.

SPEAKER_02

That's actually pretty solemn, man.

SPEAKER_03

That it is. It's teetering on like a like an actual homemade breakfast sandwich.

SPEAKER_04

It's a little too close.

SPEAKER_01

Even eating it, and these are cold. Make sure that's not something different in the other one. Okay. If you don't mind. Yeah, just check that one. I don't think that one's different. Out of the gate. Saltiness. On point. Like I would be macking those. If I was hung over and I was 20. Yeah. That didn't exist when I was 20. No. Yeah, breakfast is like a fairly new thing at Wendy's, isn't it? I think it is. Past couple years. I I didn't think I'd like it, but it's on a potato bun. Yeah, different. But like a good, a nice little package. I think to be completely honest, in fast food, breakfast specifically, the biscuit and the croissant are completely overdone. Yeah. And they're always awful. The biscuit's always a rock. The croissants always like missed on whatever. It's either too toasted or it's just mush garbage. Right? It's never like what a croissant's supposed to be, and croissants suck anyway. Yeah. So like I can't. I I actually liked the the bun. Yeah, that wasn't bad.

SPEAKER_04

I did like the bun. That was a good change up. It was. All right.

SPEAKER_01

I think I I'm super curious to see what you think after you gave six and a half to a to a to dog food you got out of a cooler is 7-Eleven. All right, you guys ready? All right.

SPEAKER_04

Variable. Two, two, one, nine. Give it a seven.

SPEAKER_01

Seven. Seven, eight, nine. Look at that. You know why I'm going up? You know why I went up to an eight? You know what got me? What? Two meats. Oh, you know what? It's true. That is sausage. Like, let's go. Three sources of protein. If and that's not even including the cheese. Protein bomb. See, seven is a high score for me. I'm not gonna unrealize. Super high score. There's a ten in here somewhere. There is a ten. It's creeping.

SPEAKER_04

Seven, eight, nine.

SPEAKER_01

It's creeping. I know what it is for me. It's the pinnacle.

SPEAKER_03

It's the elite. I don't think I've ever had any Burger King breakfast sandwich, so I'm curious how that's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01

Is that what we're going on to next?

SPEAKER_03

Dude, it's gonna be the most dog shit you ever tasted.

SPEAKER_04

Well, Wendy's just took the lead, even though we're only on our second place. I think Wendy's is probably gonna be one of the better ones. We were talking about it. When they came in second on our burger, that's what I mean.

Burger King Letdown And Coffee Talk

SPEAKER_01

Their food's just solid. And if you guys haven't seen it in the Builder Bunker, we did a burger challenge after we tried the Arch Burger on this, um, on the show here, and Wendy's, spoiler alert, scored incredibly high. So good. We did like 10 burgers. We did. Right? So up next, Burger King. Now, why did we get why did we get tater tots? Like what I how did how did the meals get so diversified here?

SPEAKER_03

Some of them are meals, some of them are just sandwiches. I gotta be honest, we sent there were four different people that went out to get these, and I think the four of us all had different uh ideas of how we were gonna purchase these breakfast foods. But honestly, I think that kind of worked out better. We have a variety. So we got a Burger King breakfast croissant. Now we have three four of them. Well, there's one sausage and one bacon. So what I just gave you is the sausage.

SPEAKER_01

So looking at it, you definitely have the boxed egg coming out of BK here. Yep. Um, sausage, but the cheese is actually melted, unlike 7-Eleven on a croissant, which I was just talking shit on. Um, toasted croissant. Look at that fluff. Still fluffy. It does got some fluff to it, but not rude with moisture. It's not even a croissant, it might as well be a bun, you know.

SPEAKER_04

You're right, but it's not rude. Sometimes they get soggy when they start. That's what I'm saying. And it's not getting soggy. Stop trying to do croissants.

SPEAKER_01

Croissants are supposed to be flaky and crunchy with a soft interior. You could pull off. We're doing both of them. You're not just the bacon.

SPEAKER_03

You have one bacon, one sausage, and there is not a lot of bacon on that bacon one.

SPEAKER_01

The bacon on mine is one of them's super crispy and burnt, and the other half is uncooked. That's a lot of egg, too. A lot of egg. I'm so glad I have an egg allergy too. I'm sorry, guys, for the rest of the day. I'm just gonna be tootin' it up. Alright, sausage first.

SPEAKER_02

Excellent with bacon first. I don't know about that. Yep. The sausage. I don't know about that sausage. The sausage one I couldn't get down, but it's the egg that's the problem. It's definitely not bad. No, not as good as the Wendy's one. You do eating. I'm gonna try the bacon one. How can you say no?

SPEAKER_01

What are you doing? I don't know about that. What are you doing, BK? Yeah, that was that was interesting. Go ahead. I'm not gonna lie, I'm I'm immensely disappointed. Yeah. Huh. Immensely disappointed.

SPEAKER_02

Surprised I'm about to do this.

SPEAKER_01

The texture of the egg on that was deplorable. Yeah. It tasted like I was eating like you guys ever had like the hard layer on accident on jello when it's homemade that's like hits a corner and it's kind of like too hard. I don't know. That's what the egg tasted like. And then it had zero egg flavor, and it was just a mouthful of mush.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it didn't feel like everything was supposed to be there together. I feel like even individually, those ingredients just worked.

SPEAKER_01

The bacon one was better, in my opinion, but the sausage was it wasn't the sausage that tasted like crap, it was all of it together. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like my whole childhood was a lie after eating that. Yeah, you you I'm very disappointed right now.

SPEAKER_01

Call your dad right now.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, but I'm gonna let him know. You couldn't take us somewhere better. Well, no, it tasted better when I was a kid. Oh yeah. It didn't taste like that.

SPEAKER_01

It's because we were getting served real shit, probably spaghetti and a piece of meat every day for dinner back in those greasy Italian homes. Are you ready? All right. Three, two, one, one, six. I got a four. 2.5. That was that that was almost as bad as the 7-Eleven. The only reason it wasn't was that the in my opinion, the croissant was mildly better than whatever the hell the 7-Eleven one was on. Mildly. Yeah, you're not wrong. Taste-wise, like disgusting.

SPEAKER_04

I just it tastes so different. Like the egg definitely tastes different. The sausage used to never taste like that. It just didn't taste cooked in some parts of it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it was like raw but cooked at the same time. And I'll drink a gallon of egg beaters. Like I will drink egg whites out of the carton. Like egg beaters, I'm in. Like the pre-made egg. Yeah, but still. That was gross. Yeah, that was probably one of those gross.

SPEAKER_03

The croissant was super sugary, too. Yeah. It wasn't like a savory sort of croissant. It was a lot of sweetness.

SPEAKER_01

You gave 7-Eleven a six and a half. But this is the savory sweet.

SPEAKER_03

And now you're coming back to a sweet. This is the difference, though. 7-Eleven, they committed. They said we're gonna go so sweet, there's like raw chunks of sugar on it. And then Wendy's said we're gonna commit savory, but this is this weird middle ground where it's like a little sweet. That was awful. Yeah, if they would have committed.

SPEAKER_04

I'm disappointed. That's that's all I can say. I'm very disappointed right now.

SPEAKER_01

Let's just take a moment and let Joe soak in his disappointment. Oh man. So here's a question: why don't we have like a cup of coffee that's so hot that it basically burns your life for like a week? I mean, I've got that's a must-have when it comes to any sort of fast food. It's like the coffee has to be so hot. We got a nice coffee. That just there's like that's probably a thousand calories. Enjoy those calories. You earned them. I mean, you work your ass off in the gym. I I can't drink that, it goes just straight to the belly. I remember when the McCaffey came out, that was a big deal.

SPEAKER_03

That was like probably people were obsessed with it.

SPEAKER_04

Obsessed with it. I would say like 15. She's old. I will say if McDonald's does anything consistent, their coffee always tastes the same. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, it's because they own the whole production. I know, but you could go to is so tight across the board on everything that they make. Yeah. Like you heard about like their potato farms for their yeah, it's the same thing for their coffee.

SPEAKER_04

But I I've had sandwiches that taste different or burgers at McDonald's. They're made a little bit different. People rush and they don't carry some the coffee, every McDonald's I've ever gone to in my life, all the coffee's the same.

SPEAKER_01

I think they're buying the supply chain.

SPEAKER_04

That's why. All right. What's next, Pula?

Eat-N-Park Park Sweet Breakfast Debate

SPEAKER_01

So we've got Wendy's, we've got Burger King, we've got 7-Eleven down. We've got some contenders on the table still. We've got Chick-fil-A, Sheets, and McDonald's. And Eaton Park. And Eaton Puke.

SPEAKER_03

What?

SPEAKER_01

Eaton Park. That's a Pittsburgh institution. Both of you can shut the hell up. Whoa. In my 12 plus years of age and experience, more than both of you, I've guaranteed I lived in walking distance as a child to an Eaton Park. I was eating there three times a week. You weren't eating. So you obviously. It was the glory days. What they put on the plate now That's bullshit. It's way better.

SPEAKER_03

They source a lot of their ingredients from local farms. They do. They do. It's good shit.

SPEAKER_01

But the portions are tiny and they've commercialized their process.

SPEAKER_04

They're not making anything. I went to Eaton Park a couple weeks ago. My brother has kids. We went with them. The only thing I'm disappointed about with Eaton Park right now is their buffet. Dude, they had like fried chicken next to eggs, next to a salad for breakfast. They had everything. And it was all cold. Most of it was. It was just I'm cold thinking about that. The buffet used to be a lot better. But like the ordering of the food, like their food's pretty okay. All right, well then let's do the eating park. I like eating park. Let's go.

SPEAKER_03

I've got a oh, it's already cut for us, too. This is nice. And we get the French toast too. Yeah, we got a waffle and a bananas foster's French toast. Oh. Alright, I'm already giving it a zero. Make sure to give it not a big of no protein. Well, there's probably some protein in this. They might have used buckwheat. Who the who the hell wants to eat bananas foster for breakfast? I mean, okay, I actually, this is my thing. This is my rule with like super sweet breakfast. If I'm going, like, I'll tell you, my go-to at Eaton Park is the country fried steak and eggs. However, if So why are we eating waffles and bananas foster? Joe told me don't get the country fried steak and eggs. He said we got to get something sweet. But I will say, when you're hungry.

SPEAKER_04

Why is he always blame you though? Because I did tell him that. Go to Eaton Park and get country. I'd go somewhere else to get country fried steak and eggs. I'd go somewhere else, period. Like boom corral. But if you're gonna go to Eaton Park, I'm getting something sweet. That's why I had him get these. Oh man, Joe, you let me down there. No protein at all, Joe? Think you could we could have got protein, John, but we opted in for the more because their sweet shit is better.

SPEAKER_03

And I will say this is the smiley waffle. It's a pretty big deal. Make sure you have your smile side up. Smile side up, John. That looks like a real that smile there. John, you you gotta be careful. You keep uh talking about Eaton Park like this. The mayor of the mayor of Pittsburgh himself is gonna come and revoke your Pittsburgh card.

SPEAKER_01

Bring your ass to my studio. Let's talk. I don't even think you grew up in Pittsburgh. Cold waffle and cold. He's got syrup. Hold on. I don't know. I mean this shit playing. We're gonna judge it. You wanted the sweet, Joe. Get the sweet. Alright, waffle going in.

SPEAKER_03

Let's see what we got here. We have some butter here, too. If you want to butter up.

SPEAKER_04

Uh hog and the butter.

SPEAKER_03

Actually, you can taste the chemicals.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, it's good.

SPEAKER_02

No chemicals in here. Bullshit. You can taste the chemicals.

SPEAKER_01

A thousand percent. You taste those chemicals.

SPEAKER_03

Even cold, this holds up. Even cold it holds up. Let it get good to you, Joe.

SPEAKER_04

I'm not gonna lie, John. I love their waffles.

SPEAKER_03

Let's go. Let's go.

SPEAKER_04

This is such a biased rating.

SPEAKER_02

I told him to buy these. This is so sad.

SPEAKER_03

You might not have an elevated palate to appreciate this. You might tell you this.

SPEAKER_04

Anything else there? I don't like. The eggs, the other stuff, it's fine, you can order it. But they're their pancakes, their waffles, they're all very good. I get it, but I get it, the reasoning, guys, but like so I'm gonna judge it based off of just the switch.

SPEAKER_01

Hold on, you gotta eat the banana toast, because dude, that's a thing. That's a thing. We need to eat bananas foster toast. Oh shit. What did you do?

SPEAKER_03

Why don't you just fork it on your I don't know, man? I just cut through the styrofoam. It's all gonna shit.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know why. Can we take the knife away from him?

SPEAKER_03

What else cut this shit? I don't know why you put me in charge of this. Because you're the furthest left.

SPEAKER_04

I have to reach in two directions. I wouldn't put that on that box yet.

SPEAKER_01

He cut through. Very good. Obviously, don't have children. You didn't do that. You learn how to feed things in a feverish pace. Do I have to eat this? You don't have to. I'll eat your piece. How? Okay, like, but it looks appetizing. It looks like a bunch of lard. It literally looks like a gelatized goo. Sometimes breakfast could be a bit decadent. I'm not gonna knock the decadent breakfast. I'm just saying. That doesn't look like decadent to me. It looks like old bananas. The syrup should be dripping. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Wow. There's no there's no creme brulee. Like there should be crunchy on the top. Wow. It's just a disservice to what these are supposed to be. No, that's it.

SPEAKER_03

That's it right there. Nope. It sounds like that just ruined the eating park rating for me. This tastes like something that a treasured family member would make for you.

SPEAKER_01

That they hate you. Yeah, that tastes. Wow. It tastes, it's I'm not gonna lie, it's trying hard. Like the that banana's foster right there is trying to be a banana. It's like not a banana's foster, but it's really trying to be hard. It wants to be, but it's not. And that's what that's what the problem is, John. Flavor is is is like you get banana and then mush.

SPEAKER_03

It's like banana sugar mush. I couldn't disagree more. It's like the French toast itself, like sometimes you have French toast and you get a lot of that egg through there. This was just like very soft. You got a lot of the bread, the bananas with the syrup. I'm a big banana fan. I love banana splits.

SPEAKER_01

I love bananas. I can't believe how much you don't care about texture. This man will get a lot of things. That texture was awful. He would eat mush. It was like a mush. No, just eat mush. Not mush. It was like a sponge.

SPEAKER_03

It's mush. You can see the bread right there. It's dry. You got a nice dry center cord of the bread. Uh mine was mushroom. Dry is not. Get him another one.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, listen to me. The sugar that's included in the batter when you're making French toast is supposed to give you a nice crust and a rim. This is intended to be eaten warm and immediate. Bananas Foster, the reason they make it at your table at most restaurants that make it is because it's supposed to be eaten immediately. Yeah. When it tastes like this, it literally tastes like dog food.

SPEAKER_03

Maybe it was the timing. It's a sugar mush. No, I feel even, honestly, even sitting here, it's really not that bad. I'm locked in. I can't wait to find something he thinks is bad.

SPEAKER_04

I think I know a couple of them. I know a couple. I'm locked in. My score is locked in, guys. We're this was an easy one for me. All right.

SPEAKER_01

It doesn't even there's no protein. It's not convenient. There's probably a little protein. Imagine trying to eat that in in the while you're driving the whatever the hell you drive now. Well, no, that's these stick shifting with a banana spauster pancake on his lap.

SPEAKER_03

Right? It's I mean, obviously, Eaton Park, it's it's not fast food like that.

SPEAKER_01

We had to someone had to walk in there and talk to a nice old lady. I missed today's diner and a pie.

SPEAKER_04

But they serve it. They can still give it to you to go, so you have to I'm gonna rate it like that.

SPEAKER_01

All right.

SPEAKER_03

What's the cards? Three, two, one. Eight point five three. Five. Wow.

SPEAKER_04

Five just because of the waffles. And Joe was coming, he requested that one. Yeah. It's only a five because of the waffles.

SPEAKER_03

If it was just the waffles, do you think your score would have improved?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

What do you think you would have just wanted?

SPEAKER_04

If we were going off of just every waffle from every place that serves waffles, I mean it'd probably still be a five on that scale, but their waffles are phenomenal. Other places make better waffles.

SPEAKER_01

That doesn't that doesn't mean it anything. To be honest, it's like icy light tastes like terrible. Without and everyone's like, you're not a Yenzer. Bullshit out of you. I agree with that, too. Yes, the living shit out of you. I'm more Yinz than you'll ever be. Come on, man.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I just because I don't think Icy Like the squirts in Iron City name park. I would argue no with that.

SPEAKER_04

Pula, but 8.5 is a crazy score.

SPEAKER_01

Not at all. We're down to the final three. We've got Sheets, we've got McDonald's, and we've got Chick-fil-A. Three heavy hitters, all cold. Do we want to warm these up? No. No? Eat them cold? Yeah. I know you guys are starting to get a little full too.

SPEAKER_03

I'm starting to feel the. Well, you're finishing your portion.

SPEAKER_01

You're stupid. You're you like the whole tray of bananas. I've ate just as much as you guys. I spit two of them out. What? They were gross, dude. I spit the one out. I'm a little full. I'm not like I'm perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_03

You're training your body too. I know I gave it high praise, but I think it might be just the bread. Expanding? Yeah, the bread.

Sheets Breakfast Pizza Wins People Over

SPEAKER_04

What did you used to say during that uh that Taco Bell? We were eating those tacos you were telling me I'm doing something to my body. Oh, you haven't conditioned your body. I'm conditioning my body. That's what I'm telling you now, Paul. You're okay. We gotta do this one.

SPEAKER_03

We're doing sheets. Oh, you're this one. This one, you're gonna get open to the swipey. I don't know what this is.

SPEAKER_04

Hold on. This is gonna piss you off, but just already.

SPEAKER_01

No, well, we could take that home. Sheets is elite. Sheets is the elite gas station. For the fact that we don't have a schmuffin or a schmegel or any of those sitting in front of me, I am pissed. What is this? I'll let the audience see first. It's the breakfast pizza. The best part is it's already cut in force. You guys are giving us no opportunity to actually place it. I didn't go to sheets. I just melded.

SPEAKER_04

I'll take the blame for any more.

SPEAKER_01

Before you get too many sandwiches. The whole point is the sandwiches. No, I'm not gonna lie. I like the breakfast pizza at Sheets. I haven't had one in probably five years.

SPEAKER_03

I used to absolutely devour uh the breakfast pizzas at QT. That's they only have those gas stations in the South. There's a quick shrimp at QT.

SPEAKER_01

Look at that. So this is a flatbread. You got cheese, you got egg, you got sausage. Here we go, boys. Joe got the extra sausage one. I thought I was gonna hate that. That's because you just want to like 7-Eleven more than sheets when you know sheets rain screen. Wow.

SPEAKER_03

In a lot of ways it does, but I gotta put a little respect on 7-Eleven. Wow, this actually is this isn't bad at all.

SPEAKER_01

So it's got this little like breakfast sauce on there, if you couldn't tell.

SPEAKER_02

I don't like the sauce, but it doesn't taste bad.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, the sauce makes it. It goes really well. The sauce makes it. It gives it the base, it actually helps it feel creamy. And this is cold as hell. I mean like freezing cold. Wow. Nothing for breakfast tastes good cold. Nothing. Except for bacon on a plate by itself or sausage. Links or patties. What else? What do you mean, Joe? What do you eat? You're not wrong. He's the kid. What do you eat cold meal? What do you eat in cold preferred for breakfast besides that?

SPEAKER_04

No, like a cold piece of pizza for breakfast when you're hungover. Oh, that you're not wrong. It's not a breakfast food. Yeah, you know, but it turns into a breakfast.

SPEAKER_01

I used to buy full Domino's deep dish pizzas and then put them in the fridge so I could eat them cold in the morning.

SPEAKER_04

You ever put some eggs on it? Never mind.

SPEAKER_01

No. That's despicable.

SPEAKER_03

You're describing the breakfast pizza. So you love this. I like eggs on it.

SPEAKER_04

I like it. I like the breakfast pizza. Okay. It's good. I'm trying to explain the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01

Like actually, it was cooked. Yeah. Like it wasn't like it didn't come pre-made and warmed up. And it's a flat bread.

SPEAKER_03

It's not like a super like greasy, sugary bagel. This is I was I'm actually really well surprised. The fact that this is probably one of their most like kooky breakfast menu items and it still hit this well.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like that's what's the best part about it is you can go in at certain hours of the morning because you're usually running in the sheets. Like you're not hanging out there. This is in the warmer rack, ready to rock and roll for you. I'm going with something here. Sheets, sheets for me, big, big nostalgia. I grew up, there was a sheets like a quarter mile away. I'd be there all the time. Anytime we wanted breakfast, me and the boys, we had a dollar, a couple bucks. We were at sheets, always sheets.

SPEAKER_03

So it reflects in my vote. I have like no nostalgia here. There was no, I didn't even get to experience the sheets till I was like 15 because I was out in old Beaver County. No sheets there. Kristen, she literally went to school with the Sheets family because that's where Sheets is from, is right now too. That's the same Sheets. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Dude, how about there's they're putting a fourth sheets in cranberry? Cranberry, next to where I live. They have fourth sheets. Here we go, boys. Three, two, one. Oh, monster. Joe, get the Joe and five.

SPEAKER_04

Listen, listen. It is supreme, but based off of my other ratings, it stands accurate. So this is my number two. It's behind, it's behind Wendy's. I thought Wendy's was better. Their breakfast sandwich. You assholes didn't even get us a breakfast sandwich from Sheets, which would have included this out of the page. I'm rating what we had in front of us, the pizza. And the pizza wasn't better than the breakfast sandwich. It's just a small sampling of the potatoes. But you can't you have to agree with how I'm saying that. I'm rating the pizza to the breakfast.

SPEAKER_03

I like this more than our sheets breakfast. I honestly feel like if we had the sandwiches, it would have maybe got a lower score. Because the thing I don't like about their sandwiches are like itty bitty. They're like super tiny. This breakfast pizza, though, that would fill you up. That would fill you up. Just one of those.

SPEAKER_04

8.5.

SPEAKER_03

8.5. Biggest vote of the day.

SPEAKER_04

When do you get to pull it?

unknown

9.1.

SPEAKER_04

9.1. You guys just give high ratings out like it's candy. Well, we there has to, we have to know what you're doing. Joe, you just hate everything. I don't hate everything. Eights and nines are like good food. But if you ever watch uh Dave Portnoy rate pizza.

SPEAKER_03

That man is not consistent.

SPEAKER_04

I'm but like his criteria for good food and good pizza. He's eating the same thing every single time. This is different. But it's the same principle of but I good ratings the stuff.

SPEAKER_01

He's not gonna be Yeah, but you're you're saying that like eating the uh the greatest steak you ever had in your entire life is the only thing that can equate to being a nine. Like the option here for the pinnacle for the highest level is fast food breakfast.

SPEAKER_04

Right, and I think the two that we haven't touched are gonna be higher than all the other ones we've got. Correct. I didn't even like chick-fil-a. So that's why I have my numbers are aren't as high as theirs because I know what's coming. But you think they're that much higher. We're gonna taste it and I'm gonna I'm gonna rate it.

SPEAKER_01

We'll see. Well, he's I I I will give I would let you have that. I'll justify it. I'll it's understandable. I am so pissed at whichever one of you bought the ham.

SPEAKER_03

The ham is the ham's not even gonna Jeff said he didn't buy, he literally he just texted and said I got sausage. They might have they might have shafted it, but that happens. Do we knock it down a point because of that? I will say I don't think we have we're not giving McDonald's a fair shake here. We don't have their best, the best of the best.

SPEAKER_04

No, but did we not get a uh what's their thing that tastes, it's like the pancake McGriddle? The McGriddle. We didn't get a McGriddle. We didn't get a McGriddle, though.

McDonald’s Consistency And Missing Items

SPEAKER_01

We got a pancake too. McDonald's stands supreme to me. And this is why we're holding them till last two. One, the the McMuffin is an elite. There you go, Joe. That's the best part. I'll give this to Sam here. This is the second best one. That's good. The egg excuse me, the egg McMuffin, in my opinion, is the elite breakfast sandwich vehicle. Yeah. It it by far reigns supreme to everything. Now I'm a huge bagel lover. Like I love a good bagel, but unless you're getting that shit freshly made, like in New York or from a good bagel spot, that's too difficult to eat on a breakfast sandwich. You've got to like chop down so hard everything mushes out of it. Yeah. You need like a perfectly made soft breakfast. So I'm I'm going to English muffin more percentage of the time. Now, we've got the ham, and then also the egg is real. You can tell that egg is real. It does. Which is which I think you gotta give it kudos where it deserves. Good on you, McDonald's, for embolic.

SPEAKER_04

I already got my scored. I don't even need to take a pancake.

SPEAKER_01

We didn't even get the sausage. Now their sausage is so salty. It's so delicious. There's also something on their menu. We did get one, thank God. Like, I do I need to start stepping in here. Oh, we got a hash round. There's a hash crown. I got a hash crown, yeah. It's soggy, it's gross. And this is what makes McDonald's stand above. I also don't understand. What are we doing here, guys? Where's the sausage patty that came with it? This used to come with the pancake breakfast used to come with a sausage patty. Yeah. Go ahead, get that.

SPEAKER_02

No? That's like a bullseye in the center of this pancake.

SPEAKER_03

You want the big one? Why is it like that?

SPEAKER_00

That's that's how many.

SPEAKER_02

How is this moist? It's so moist. But it's okay. You can taste the oh, it's still great.

SPEAKER_04

Still hits.

SPEAKER_01

So it has so many extra ingredients. I would watch a video on a guy who's trying to remake it. It's just not even close to being just potatoes. Oh, really? Like what they put. Someone's like, healthy breakfast? Like, nah, not close. You want some of the syrup? So it's not syrup, it's like hot cake sauce. Pancakes taste a little more rubbery sauce. That's serious. Look, it's it's called hot cake syrup. Corn syrup, sugar, natural flavors, potassium. Wow. Thermal coloring.

SPEAKER_03

For like a three-hour old pancake that's very saturated. It still has some bounce to it, some fluff. Food scientists. It tastes exactly like I expected it to.

SPEAKER_01

I've got to change my score. There's gotta be kudos there. There's gotta be kudos there. I will reflect back on something Sam said earlier. There's a couple things missing here. If we wanted to give the McDonald's a fair shake, first and foremost, sausage, egg, and cheese McMuffin. Can't break it. Number two, all day. The fresh hash brown send it. They still have I think it's a dollar fifty now. But they used to have sausage McMuffins with cheese, no egg. Dollar. And I would just phenomenal smack those all day. Two, the McGriddle deserves its spot on the Mount Rushmore breakfast sandwiches, even though I personally Do not believe in using a pancake as a vehicle for her breakfast sandwich. You can't be what it tastes like. No, it tastes glorious. And then lastly, like I was saying, third, that steak, egg, and cheese bagel from McDonald's, when you were hungover back in the day, you're getting like 800 calories of just grease and garbage, and it was so good. And that's the reason that I'm giving them an eight. Even though what I ate here today tasted like nowhere close to what I should, it's up there still.

SPEAKER_04

87 for me. Now that's this is a good breakfast. You can get anything, you can get whatever. Like that's how breakfast is supposed to be. I'm not knocking, I'm not disagreeing.

SPEAKER_03

It's been consistent for decades.

Chick-fil-A Minis And NFL Story

SPEAKER_01

Decades. Decades. They don't miss on consistency. They don't miss. Now, breakfast pizza there. Okay. You can toss that. No, Jeff will probably eat it. Yeah, remember, we've got other we got 10 other burgers. We'll give him three burgers out there. Now, boys. What is that? We're moving on to Chick-fil-A. Oh, yeah. Let's go. Now, Chick-fil-A didn't exist in my life until I was about 22 years old. Really? Well, they didn't have them in Pittsburgh until then. This is a treat pull up. So this is a chicken mini. It's only available for breakfast. Okay. It's a freshly made mini biscuit with honey and chicken.

SPEAKER_04

I had to wake up at an ungodly time to get there to get those today.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, these are the coldest ones. They also have, oh, we can't knock this out. Hash browns, which are, I mean, these are these are probably three, four hours old. Get you some of those.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. So I also got a bowl. That's just for you, John.

SPEAKER_01

That's your going away gift. My bowl. So I never had a bowl from there because I've never seen a need. But we've got hash browns, egg, cheese, and it looks like chicken sausage. Yeah. Appreciate that, Joe. None of it matters, though. First starting with the hash brown. Very cold. I mean, like it was more cold than that. Not touching McDonald's. No, it's not meant to. I mean, that's better than McDonald's at the phase of McDonald's we had we just had. That McDonald's hash brown was a complete mush. Now it was sitting in the steamer of our pancake box.

SPEAKER_04

You did not just taste another 7-Eleven one. You're cross-contaminating the flavors.

SPEAKER_01

He likes it more processed. Yeah, the hash browns just aren't it. We know he does.

SPEAKER_04

The only thing I will warn you about with these, Pula, when you eat it, expect it to be dry as the desert. Wow. They are very dry.

SPEAKER_01

Four hours old. Hold as shit. You can buy these by the tray, Sam.

SPEAKER_02

A little too much bread. Let me just go for the chicken.

SPEAKER_01

Too much bread.

SPEAKER_02

This is the same man that's like, I will eat a stack of pancakes. Nothing but the bread. I'll put a ketchup. The chicken is great. The chicken is always great. The chicken minis, let's go. Oh, we have the parfait, too. I wanted to be healthy. That is nice to have a parfait on it. I guess McDonald's does too, but still. Should we all take a spoonful of the parfait?

SPEAKER_01

You guys want a spoonful of the bowl? Even cold. The only thing that had residual I mean, I still have the flavor in my mouth. Residual flavor? Beautiful. Okay, last dry. It's actually delicious.

SPEAKER_04

Parfait of sugar, but this is a treat pull. This is when I think of a treat for breakfast, this is what I think of parfait is good.

SPEAKER_01

100%. That's a treat. Not 7-Eleven. Not a hungry man.

SPEAKER_03

No, I feel like Chick-fil-A's Chick-fil-A, like their conventional fast food, it's almost untouchable. This breakfast, I feel like there were some things that were really, really good, others that were alright.

SPEAKER_01

But still I will say their coldness didn't do it justice. I mean, like it's very unfortunate. Now here's a little hack for you, Sam. If we were to nuke these, which we should, you know, let's should we just give it a nuke to give Sam the full experience? He can rate it on the cold. The chicken minis? He can rate it on the cold. I do feel like if the bread was. I'll rate it on the cold. Give him give him give those give those 30 in the nuke, Joe.

SPEAKER_04

Wait, here's the best part, Sam. You can nuke them in that container.

SPEAKER_03

Can you? Yeah. Why? Just because it's there's no metal. I wish to bring back the styrofoam containers. They they did it in part. Styrofoam. Brought it back. They should never left. Did you ever see that Seinfeld episode? I don't think I forgot to be a live for it on the McDLT where they'd have the McDonald's hamburger. They'd have the styrofoam package, hot ingredients on one side, full on the other. You'd mash it. I've made those at home and it makes a difference. I'll put some lettuce in the freezer, get it like cold, cold.

SPEAKER_01

Why would you need to make the you mean you just froze the ingredients extra crispy cold ingredients?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, like not a McDonald's burger, like a burger I'm making myself. You didn't make the no, no. I don't have like a stack of the styrofoam containers. I can see you doing that, though.

SPEAKER_01

Like, guys, we're having a nostalgic dinner tonight. We're doing McDonald's DLTs. Perfectly insulated. That'd be funny. I'm not gonna lie. Like, I don't I don't like a lot of vegetables on a burger. I'm like good with just onion. See. I don't think onions or I like pickles, but I don't think onions or or lettuce do anything to a burger. Yeah. Excuse me, tomatoes or lettuce.

SPEAKER_03

It depends on the burger. I'm definitely not a huge fan of like like they call them like the millennial burgers, like those ones that are like this thick and they just aisle it full of like toppings. I'm not a fan of that. I'm much more of like a smash burger uh type of person, but love a smash burger. Time to time a little lettuce isn't bad. I just don't feel like it does anything. It doesn't add like any flavor. The texture of it is usually gone after bite one. Yeah, but you put a piece of iceberg lettuce in the freezer like five minutes before you're plating the burger, and you get that crisp, and it's like, ooh, okay. This is this is a different experience now.

SPEAKER_01

All right, all right, all right. Here's the difference, Sam. Here's the difference. Now this is night and day. Oh wow, this is a lot softer. Joe, Joe, you gotta these are hot.

SPEAKER_03

I did it a little too long. You gotta get it. Gotta get it. Microwave's a little bit too powerful. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Hot it's a hold on. It's a lot better. Let me get one chicken. I've been told I have an incredible ability to eat hot things by being told as I know that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like come on. Okay, hot, it's much, much better. Cold, I was not a fan. That bread is elite.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, cold. You taste the sweetness. The softness. The highness. You have to get it hot though.

SPEAKER_01

When it was cold, that bread was just dry and crispy. You have about an hour, which we're well outside that window to get that thing in you. I might even add, I'm gonna add two tenths of a pump. I just feel like, in my opinion, are we ready to show them, boys? Let Joe get that washed down. Oh wow. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04

I think this is like yeah. We'll see. I know. Wow.

SPEAKER_01

Here we go, boys. Three, two, one. I'm taking the cake and the crown. Oh pretty close. Yeah, you can't, you just can't. They stand elite, they stand supreme. We didn't get into any other of their breakfast variety. Like I was saying, I don't believe in chicken for breakfast. Not a where I'm a northeastern man, you know. You're eating 8.75. You're not you're eating chicken for for lunch and dinner. But once these are introduced into my life, a little story for you guys. This is a little story time with John. In NFL locker rooms, the rookies are required to do stuff, right? And one of those things is on Saturday mornings for walkthroughs, they have to go get breakfast, at least with the Steelers. And so there's a uh Chick-fil-a in the waterfront. This is before they had the one on the south side. Yeah. So the rookies would have to go down and they would get, I mean, I'm talking trays of chicken minis. And our meetings would start at 7 30. So they'd be there at like 6 15 to get them and get to the meetings on time. And these would just be sitting there perfectly cooked in like hundreds. You literally eat them till you wanted to throw up. What we're not getting right now is there's a honey g honey drizzle on top that like gets absorbed, but once it's sticky and like at the beginning, oh my goodness. So these are nostalgic, they're they're they're just elite in all context.

SPEAKER_03

It's so funny, even in the NFL, they have like the same things they do in like high school sports, where it's like freshmen, you gotta fill the water bottles.

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah, the rookie dinners do a lot of rookie stuff in the NFL. Uh-huh. So looking at it across the board, guys. Triple A takes the cake. I think McDonald's came in in number two.

SPEAKER_03

We're gonna we're finding out right now. Totals are being tallied. Oh boy, what do we do?

SPEAKER_01

Is there anything that you think we missed?

Final Rankings And Next Time Ideas

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I think there's some menu items we probably missed from at least McDonald's Sheets.

SPEAKER_04

So Chick-fil-A came in first, 27.65 out of 30. Then McDonald's with 25.7, Sheets 24.35, Wendy's at 24, that's pretty impressive. Eaton Park, 16.5, 7.11, 11.5, and Burger King 12.5.

SPEAKER_01

I rated Wendy's a oh yeah, I gave it an 8.

SPEAKER_03

Wait, why'd it put 711 above Burger King then? Hey, that'd say I. Can't read.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, I'm not surprised by that at all. If you if while you're sitting there on the other side of the camera, if we missed anything, let us know. I also think we might have to bring this back, but we might have to do a single item. Yeah, the sausage breakfast sandwich or the bacon breakfast sandwich. Just keep it categorically across the board because it Chick-fil-A has an unfair advantage. They're serving fried chicken.

SPEAKER_04

We also don't have every like fast food restaurant available. Like we didn't get Taco Bell, didn't get Subway. There's a few other spots. What? Subway has breakfast. Oh my god. Why they actually you don't want a foot-long flatbread for breakfast? No. What do you mean? Come on, man. Why? That's not disgusting. That's how it was. No.

SPEAKER_01

Well, if you guys want to see anything else from us, let us know. Be sure to check out the Builder Bunker. Get you uh early release, extended cuts, extra content, all kinds of cool stuff over there. Best way to support me and the boys. Um, and until then, we'll see you guys on the next episode.

SPEAKER_04

Peace. We were gonna rate them on a tier list to end because I had more that than what we had. Perfect.

Tier List For Breakfast Chains

SPEAKER_01

Okay. I I thought we were done. I know we're trying to get two, and that's my bad. All right, so now that we've done our what we've we've ranked them, we've got our number, we've got our clear winner here. But to your point, Joe, we missed a bunch.

SPEAKER_04

We did.

SPEAKER_01

So we've got to give them their fair share if they didn't make it onto the list. And this is just straight up fast food breakfast.

SPEAKER_04

Fast food breakfast is what the ranking criteria is. We have a handful of restaurants here. We're gonna go through, give it, put it on the good old tier list, and see which one uh is the best.

SPEAKER_01

Send it. Let's go.

SPEAKER_04

First up, Duncan.

SPEAKER_01

Uh C. I'm gonna solid B.

SPEAKER_03

I think it's a B tier. Why so low? Uh there's nothing breakfast related there. I'm like, dude, I really enjoy. Also, I don't like I don't like getting you just get coffee.

SPEAKER_04

Did you say there was nothing breakfast related or Dunkin' Donuts?

SPEAKER_03

No, nothing breakfast related that I really enjoy that. Okay, that you enjoy. Like Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts, I never get the food there because the portion sizes are also small, and like also that's not like their main bread and butt main bread and butter is the food they're serving, so it's always just like we got a freezer full of this stuff, microwave it for two minutes, send it out the door. So you'll get 7-Eleven instead. Well, at least they're upfront about it. They don't try to cosplay, like, oh, we have a sh we're making this stuff fresh. Oh, America runs on 7-Eleven. No, they say you need 7-Eleven when there's no one else around. It's it's your last resort. Come on into the 7-Eleven and get what we will give you.

SPEAKER_04

Come on, okay. We got Starbucks. Yep.

SPEAKER_01

But breakfast right on right on there, Duncan. B. I'm saying A. Really? Even though they don't have like anything that's really fresh made, I mean, you can go in there, the coffee's solid, consistent. You're gonna get called the wrong name. But also, they have breakfast items like the sous-vide egg bites. You can't get those anywhere else. Duncan's trying to copy them. The sous-vied egg bite for me takes them to another tier. That's the only thing that's like non-carbohydrate heavy that's on any menu on any other breakfast place. Duncan does have them now. They copied them, but I think the sous-vide egg bite puts them in an A.

SPEAKER_04

I think Starbucks is better than Duncan, but I still think I'd I'd say B tier. I don't think it's the best. They do have like the egg bites that are good.

SPEAKER_03

I'm saying like when have you ever I've never woken up a day in my life and said, I'd love a sous-vied egg bite for breakfast. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

I think it's I'd rather have Starbucks breakfast than Dunkin' Donuts. All day. I'd rather have we'll throw it A tier Burger King. D. Yeah. Yeah, that's disappointing. Consensus.

SPEAKER_01

Taco Bell. Taco Bell, uh, we didn't get to eat it today. Back in the day, though, I'm saying A or B. I would agree. It hits Joe. Really?

SPEAKER_03

Sleeper. You wouldn't think.

SPEAKER_01

It hits. You're just getting it. I'll trust you guys, and we'll throw it A. Who doesn't love eggs and bacon and cheese in tortilla form? Like, yeah, I do love breakfast wraps.

SPEAKER_03

Cinnabon, too. You get like a Cinnabon, Cinnabon, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

No, not even like coffee. You get those like those like little churro thingies that they call it.

SPEAKER_04

I just love the stuff that you say is like amazing. Oh, he gets like the sugary like child's food.

SPEAKER_03

I think you get that cup of coffee, it's like a Tiffany blue. It's like you're having like a like a regal beverage there. All right. Uh up next. Just so everyone knows, this man goes out of his way to get 7-Eleven coffee. Yeah. It's a community. It's it's the modern day Acropolis. It's where you go to get your days. Before you guys rate it, I'm gonna tell you the next one.

SPEAKER_04

All right. Subway, hear me out. They used to have amazing flatbread breakfast concoctions. Like their eggs are solid. You get some eggs, some steak on a flatbread, it would slap.

SPEAKER_03

I'll counter you right here. The issue with Subway versus any of these other places, minus maybe Eaton Park, is that you can get in, get out. I'm going to work.

SPEAKER_04

No one goes to Subway to work. You gotta talk to the guy. He's like, You want this? Do you want that toasted? I think it's B tier. I think it's a B tier. It's on par with Duncan. C. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna go C just because one, we've I've never had it for breakfast. I'm a family. It's not fast at all. It can be fast.

SPEAKER_03

Like a bag of chips with that? That'll be$20. McDonald's. McDonald's is S. S. Yeah. S.

SPEAKER_04

S tier is fine. Eaton Park.

SPEAKER_03

Come on. All right. All right. B I D. B. That was a D out of the same. B is in boy. I'll split you at C. What the? They've fallen off, man. Eating park. They have not fallen off. They just got started. They're just getting started. I sense bias coming from you. I sense a lot of bias. Pessimism coming from both of you. I have a high high standard.

SPEAKER_04

I love eating bark. I told you this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

The banana fosters did something too. All that I'm saying is you guys keep talking this shit, and Smiley himself comes in the door. My hands are tied. What happens, happens at that point.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I'm going to ask him why they stopped making delicious food.

SPEAKER_03

He's an ethereal being. He can't be killed.

SPEAKER_01

Wendy's. I was surprised today. I mean, I'm going to minimum B tier. I need to see more menu to give them anything above a B. That sandwich was put it at a B though. Yeah, I agree with that. You know?

SPEAKER_04

Hear me out. I'd say that sandwich is better than most of the stuff Starbucks has. Yes. Except the egg bite. I'm saying sandwich for sandwich, it's different. I don't know. No, they're not trying to compete, but. Starbucks has that gouda biscuit with egg. Like that thing's pretty good. We'll leave it B. I'll go B tier. Gecko? I haven't had a lot of that. Good old Pittsburgh local.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, now it's a good old Pittsburgh. Put it on D tier then.

SPEAKER_01

All right. I'd say C. C, yeah, it's probably fair. They do like so when you get into the gas stations, the concoctions are what rules for those, right? Like you can get go's gonna serve you some like Thanksgiving spread on a breakfast sandwich that comes with like a pilgrim hat. Like that's what they're like, that's what their marketing does, right? It's true. Right? You know, right. Um we got sheets.

SPEAKER_03

Uh I'll say an A.

SPEAKER_04

Oh. Really? Not S. Not S. I'd say A. A.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think it's McDonald's, but it's solid A. If I have a choice, I'm going to two other spots before I'm going to Sheets.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I I wouldn't fight you too hard on it being an A. I think that we're probably going to disagree on this one. Chick-fil-A. S. A. You just gave it the highest rating you gave all day. Yeah, but you're saying for what I was tasting, but uh what I'm saying before what I'll stand on it. For what I was tasting, I can't with him. Not that many people. I I would say most people, for it to be an S tier, it has to be something that people are like go to breakfast all day long. Chick-fil-A, they have breakfast. What I ate was wonderful. Would I say it's an S-tier breakfast spot? Everyone knows about it. No. No.

SPEAKER_01

Only I just think it's because you're stuck in your stupid corner of the internet where you can't get out of your own way because that's all anyone says about Chick-fil-A is that it rains supreme and nobody else can touch it all day long across the board. It's the first place you're going when you're sober. It's the first place you're going when you're drunk. It's the first place you're taking your family. It is first across the board for fast food.

SPEAKER_03

Period. No, you're not going there when you're hungover because they're closed on Sunday. You go out party Saturday. There's no chick filter. You want it every single Sunday.

SPEAKER_01

Every Sunday. McDonald's. You had a few beverages on Saturday night. What do you want? Chick-fil-A. What can't you have? Chick-fil-A. Makes you want it more. Which is why it's an A tier. That's why it's S. Only one person can do that to us, and that's Chick-fil-A. Over here. Come on.

SPEAKER_04

If 7-Eleven was on this list, where would you put it?

SPEAKER_01

Fet out of the 7-Elevens people. If we go see. I'm coming here. I'm coming here and I'm getting on Jeffree's hot dog roller before I'm going to 7-Eleven.

SPEAKER_03

John. I feel like you should take you should do like a month where you just commit yourself. I bet if you had to go to a 7-Eleven every day for a month, you'd fall in love probably day 10, maybe 11.

SPEAKER_04

With what? I'd be divorced after that.

SPEAKER_03

What below average service? Deplorable conditions. It's a culture. It's it's kind of like you know, it's they're kind of like you know what? I'd even equate them to like the Pittsburgh Steelers. Like it's they're their own gas station. They play by their rules. Their rules only. It's like, yeah, the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Closing Arguments And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_01

That's gonna be a wrap on today's episode. If you've got any ridiculous shit that you want to comment down below that Sam here can go and read and silence by himself in a 7-Eleven bathroom, please do it. Share it with your worst enemy, your best friend, your neighbor, your wife, whomever. And then you and Sam can argue while he's at 7-Eleven, shitting his brains out because he likes to eat there seven days a week. Thank you for our supporters in the Builder Bunker as well as our sponsors. This was a fun one. See you guys in the next episode.

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John Malecki

Host
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Joe Meinert

Co-host
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Sam Poola

Co-host