Ep 14 Pigeon Holed Podcast - Prison

Welcome to episode 14 of the Pigeon Holed Podcast - Once again David bullies Tait about his bird like feet, Tait chats about his new fitness regime and his toe nail falling off, the backlash of Tait’s story in last weeks episode, car accidents, prison stories and voice notes.

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Dave and Tait

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Hello, welcome to Pigeon Hold with me, guy with just regular normal feet, nothing really untoward. And then this guy who is best. I think people are concerned that I'm bullying you.

SPEAKER_03 0:14

That's alright. I can edit this any way that I want.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Yeah. But also, like we will show your feet, and then they will see that I have reason to bully you. Like you shouldn't be allowed to have feet like that and then no one address it at all.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

I have a foot update. Oh. So I was sitting here last night watching television. I told you I'd got back into the gym. Yeah, yeah. I um had KFC today. No, I saw it when I came in. I was like, good man. Off topic. But I did do 180 push-ups. Yes. Yeah, I started that. Uh it's well, I'm not do I haven't signed up properly or not getting donations.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

Yeah, because this is the like was it suicide awareness or something? Yeah, something. And you don't give a fuck about suicide, so you just like doing push-ups stuff.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

I personally haven't been suicided, so I'm good. Yeah, fair enough. I mean, once it affects me.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

Personally, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once you're a victim. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

I expect people to do a lot of push-ups. Um, but the issue is because it's like 3,000 or 2,000 over 23 days, or it's a it's a weird number. It's a it's the the amount of people who have unfortunately committed suicide. Right. And it's a push-up for every person. But I was like, oh, that's a good like thing just to, you know, for me to do. So I had KFC and then I did all those push-ups. But last night I I started it and finished and I was sitting on the couch. I'm clearly not doing a hundred and I think it works out to be 140 a day.

SPEAKER_05 1:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Over 23 days, whatever that math is. So I was like What do you mean you're not doing 140? In a row. Oh, okay. Yeah, stagger them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but as I said, I got back into the gym and my my been running a fair bit on the treadmill, and one day one of my toes was killing. Yeah, wouldn't be saying genuinely killing. So I'm rubbing my foot yesterday watching Taskmaster on TV, which I think you write for the Aussie one. Yeah, the Aussie one, yeah. And then my toenail just fell off. Oh damn it. It was like the scene. Have you seen the movie The Fly? Yeah, yeah, it's like that. I was fucking gold blooming it. Yeah, so they're even worse now. So which toe doesn't have a nail on it? Uh this one. Actually, no, this one. My index toe.

SPEAKER_04 2:26

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:27

Yeah, and it's so weird, it's not painful, it's nothing. It was when I was in the gym and stuff, I genuinely fucking screwed.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

Because it's the pressure building and then the yeah, yeah, it's just one toe.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

Have you ever lost it before? No, I lost one. I had saw saw before, but never because I ran 8Ks. Yeah, that's my my benchmark now. Eight K's in a row, thanks. I'm fat as shit. You can't see, but it's a fucking mess. Um, but like I think I'm so heavy, I'm like 120 kilos or a bit less, but it's I think it's a lot of weight just punching down on my foot all the time.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

I lost my big toe nail once, and I didn't realize that it grows upwards, it doesn't grow like long ways.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

That makes sense because I was touching it and it was sort of hard.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

Yeah. And I was like, it literally raises from the it's very strange. Because when you like we think of our fingernails, we cut them and then they grow long, and so do our toenails.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

But if you lose the whole thing, it's like yeah, it just raises from the yeah, just because I think what has happened is it's dyed essentially the toenail, yeah, and then the other ones just started to push it up, up, up, up, up, up. And then I was just like, why is it so loo? What the fuck? I'm like, oh god, it's even worse. Um, but yeah, that was come back better though. I mean, it won't fix the curly toes, but no, I mean that they all will be stronger than ever.

SPEAKER_04 3:50

There's probably something that you need to do for that as well. Like for the like to assist it in growing healthily. There's probably a cream or something you should be putting on that. You should look into that. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to, I know, but you should absolutely not. As soon as I said that, I was like, what am I fucking saying? No, no, I won't do shit. I'll uh I'll just hope for the best. I'll cross my fucked up toes and hope for the best.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

I don't think I could cross them. We have a couple of voice notes. I know we're jumping into this early, but oh yeah, okay. Um, I just wanted to just play this one because I've already listened to it and it's a jump on from last week. Oh, I got because the masses have spoken since my story of my child. Oh hang on. God, how did I fucking forget?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Hey boys, great stuff with the new podcast. This question is for David. What's it like finding out your co-host Tate is a complete psychopath? Also, rest in peace to the loss of your son too, Tate, gone too soon.

SPEAKER_04 4:50

Gone too soon indeed. Yeah. What is it like? I I must admit, I it for for as shocking as the story was, I wasn't overly like I haven't been dwelling on it because it does feel like a thing that you would do.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Yeah, I am dumb.

SPEAKER_04 5:06

Yeah, no, not dumb and not like evil either. I just I I know that it probably came from a place of panic. I think it did. It came from a a thing where well initially, like I just uh I'm just fucking around, and then you realise that you fucked up, and then you're like, I have to continue this. I do kind of get why you did it, but then I am also like I can't I can't condone it, it's fucking insane. But it doesn't surprise me that of everyone I know you're the one who did that.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Yeah, I just realistically, if you put yourself in those shoes and you made the mistake, right? Yeah, you probably wouldn't in the first place. But how do you get out of it once you're in it?

SPEAKER_04 5:46

That's what I mean. Like, I don't know how you get out of it because uh the only way out of it is to go, just kidding. And it's just uh that's funny. It's funny to have a kid that died, is it?

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Depends how they died, I guess. Yeah, um that's true. Um yeah, yeah. Fuck uh I've been looking for that Winnebago too, the one that said. I have too, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:05

I was looking I was looking for it because you said it was on the other street, and I was just like having a little dude, and it's they're huge too, but I haven't seen it.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

No, no, it's it's lucky I was also haven't seen the man who yelled at me a few weeks ago as well. With the car, yeah, yeah. I've been really keen to get his You've been in the wars. Yeah, I fight with a dumb. Like, this is the thing. Realistically, the dumbest people you know always have the best stories. Yeah. Because it's just like a normal person would be like avoiding these things and and I I've always been a bit of a a dumb person. Like I do a joke about putting super glue in my mouth as a kid. That's a hundred percent true.

SPEAKER_04 6:47

I put um dried bleach in mine.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

Dried bleach?

SPEAKER_04 6:51

So, you know, like well, I say bleach, like uh you know, cleaner. If it dries, it can look like icing sugar. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I I picked some off the sink and I put it in my mouth because I thought it was icing sugar. Oh god, it burned. I didn't swallow it, but it was in my mouth and it burned like an absolute motherfucker. I was rinsing my mouth out, I was in so much fucking paint, didn't tell anyone, obviously, because this is the dumb thing to do. And also, you don't make cakes in the bathroom, so I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

SPEAKER_05 7:22

Yeah, yeah, true.

SPEAKER_04 7:23

Yeah, unless it's prison. And no one had made any cakes. Like, I it's it's not like a cake had been made in the house recently. I was 26. No, I wasn't, I was a kid, kid. But like there was dude, but there were no cakes. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Yeah, that's not the uh the best one. I remember my mum passed me a uh a thing of uh what's called a laundry detergent and the powdered kind. Yeah, and she was like, Oh, this smells nice, and I just went and it all went up my nose, and it was like genuinely like bean pepper sprayed. Like it was brutal. Like I it was in there, I still remember it, and it it didn't smell that nice, it burnt, and like I was young too. Yeah. I also once when mum was cooking, um, she was doing something like shallow frying something with oil, and I just went like and put my hand in it. And I don't know why, just a fucking moron, but it wasn't hot, like it was like before she she'd just put it in there and it hadn't got to like so you just got an oily hand, yeah. Pretty much. It was warm and I freaked out. Fucking idiot. Yeah, I've done some dumb shit. When I first got my car license, living in like rural Victoria, it's not that rural either. There's other cars and stuff, you know, it's not the 1950s where one goes past every fucking three hours. Yeah. But I was driving and that's a long stretch, and you can see for so like a fair while, and I know there was no other cars. I was driving, and I was like, I wonder how long I could just close my eyes for. I wasn't going fast.

SPEAKER_04 9:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

And I just closed my eyes, and I did it for a little bit too long and went into like the rough on the side of the road and tried to correct. And I just went like from one side of the road over to the other, and then spun around, and I was like, Well, that was fucking dumb.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

I I do it when I'm walking sometimes. Yeah, if there's no one around, and I'm just I'll just like close my eyes and see how many steps I can take before I have to open them again. Here's the thing self-preservation makes you open your eyes really quickly.

unknown 9:31

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:31

How the fuck were you driving for like 20 minutes?

SPEAKER_03 9:33

No, you go pretty far, I guess, in like five seconds, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 9:37

In a car, yeah. Oh, isn't that crazy? You're right, you are fucking stupid.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

Um, yeah, we've done some dumb stuff. That's ridiculous. You drove your car with your eyes shut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Like it was clearly not a built-up area.

SPEAKER_04 9:55

No, I I get that. And I even if it was a a long straight and nothing either side either, you'd be something in you would m would open your eyes because you go, like, this is insane.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

I hit the rough.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

When I hit a massive pothole through the opposite side. I um this have you ever had a car crash? Sorry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:16

Um, yeah, yeah, I have. I have one. I just little fender bender though, it doesn't really count.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

I was driving like how old was I 25, 26? I was going to get hungry jacks one night. And it'd been raining all day.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

Burger King.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

Yeah, yeah, for you guys. Um, which is that's a funny story because I believe that there was a Burger King in Adelaide. Yeah, they didn't want to sell the mate. Like Mum and Pop company with obviously they came and they were like, nah, we're fucking keeping this. And they won.

SPEAKER_04 10:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Is that not insane?

SPEAKER_04 10:49

Wait, what do you mean? Why is it insane that they won?

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Well, you would think a little company would just be like, oh yeah, we'll take all the money.

SPEAKER_04 10:56

No, they just didn't budge. Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Good on them for like not taking but I mean they didn't win though, because Bo King just went, Well, fuck it, we'll call it Hungry Jacks. So that company or that little burger joint could have made a substantial amount of money and decided not if anything, I would say they lost. They won.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

They won in my mind. They closed their eyes and they just drove forward and they plowed into every other fucking burger joint. So I was driving one night and it was uh uh like a dirt road. Yeah, there's not many of them, to be fair, and there was big ruts in the the road of like bigger cars driving in there and stuff like that, and they were all full of water, and I was driving too fast, not that fast, like I'm gonna say, like, I should have been going 40 and I was maybe going 60.

SPEAKER_04 11:41

So you like aquapane across there?

SPEAKER_03 11:43

Yeah, so I had uh on both sides of the road, massive, like there's a good clearance of about 10 meters before like uh farmers' fences and stuff like that. So it's really, really open. It's just a dead straight. Um so I'm driving along, driving along, and then eyes open, eyes closed. Uh they well, it was pretty dark anyway, so they're pretty much closed. Yeah, so I'm driving along and I got stuck in one of those ruts and I kept on like hitting like because all the the big amount of rain had pushed all the dirt and I was smashing into like my car, and it was just I was like trying to get out of it, and I did a little bit too quick of a a move, and I just went whoop one side, went over the other side of the road. This is one where there's not many cars on this road, to be fair, and I just went over one side onto the grass, and I slipped for about 20 meters, going like sideways, then I went over the other side of the road, and then I slipped for about another 20 meters on the opposite side of the road, like off the road, like just the clearing on the side, spun around, and I remember just seeing a power pole going, I think I'll miss that, and then just cannoning into the side of it, and it just bent the back of my car, and then my car was like all out of whack, and I just drove home. And the the thing I was annoyed about is I didn't get Hungry Jacks, and then I drove home for like 15 minutes, got home, and I said to Mum, like, Can I go get Hungry Jax in your car? Yeah, can't we go get um drove like parked, showed her the car, and she was like, You're so lucky, and I was like, Yeah, whatever. Woke up the next morning, actually looked at the car, it was fully bent in, like the back passenger behind me, driver's side. It was like I'm pretty sure if my head hit that power pole, because it had bent all the way in. Yeah, so I think I would have just headbutted it and probably died. And I was like, holy shit. Like I was going like 60. Probably by the time I hit the power pole, I was going like 40. Yeah. And I was like, Wow, this is dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

I don't know if it opened my eyes more.

unknown 13:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:49

Been in many? Huh? Have you been in many car crashes? That's the only one. That surprises me. I'm not gonna lie to you, that does surprise me.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

Oh, actually, no. There you go. There you go. Remember when I said that I I was in the like a truck doing the labouring job up in Queensland, and I was driving, and I went into it's called the Big Roundabout in Queensland. Oh, yeah. And I was driving in there and a P player, like Yeah, I remember talking to you when that happened. Well, not when it happened, we weren't on the phone or anything, but but yeah, it literally cut, he tried to get out of the the roundabout, a two-lane high like roundabout. Massive. It's called the big roundabout, it's got a name. Um, and he just ran straight into the front of me, and I'm just like, didn't you see me? And he was like, mate, you cut me off. And I was like, I'm in the left lane, mate. Yeah, it's not like you've gone through this lane into mine and smashed into it. And I don't think I ever like it was weird, obviously, insurance and stuff. He started to arc up a little bit, like he was young, he was like 19.

SPEAKER_05 14:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Um, yeah. He was like, Didn't you like mate? You cut me off. And I was like, it was like 7:30 in the morning, and I was like, Are you insured? He's like, Yep. I'm like, this is a rental, clearly we're insured, you're insured, it'll get sorted out. Yeah, don't worry about it. And he was like, Yeah, fair enough. And then he was driving in Crocs, and I was like, Fuck you. Yeah, you're a fucking idiot. That's what you get. That's what you fucking get. But I don't know who actually was at fault in the end because they don't tell you. Yeah. It's just the rental company. They have their own lawyers. Good luck going against rental company budget trucks.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

Like an Australian wide. They would have lawyers with retainers that are just sitting there being like, We got this. Yeah, fuck you. And I was like, oops. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:28

But also, too, I mean, sounds pretty cut and dry anyway.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

Yeah. I mean, I it would be interesting. I got a it was weird, I got like a massive letter in the mail saying like, hey, you've we've been told from his insurance that I did the wrong thing, I cut him off, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then it's just a case of he said, she said, and I was just like, I d I don't it's a rental truck. I don't really give a fuck. He's he here is my statement. Have fun.

SPEAKER_04 15:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

Um and that was about it.

SPEAKER_04 15:59

How can it be like how can that be the case? How can it be his word against yours when at the time like at the scene at impact it would have shown that he was in a place he shouldn't have been in? I don't know. Like surely something else, I don't know. I guess when no one's hurt, that's the that's the thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 16:18

Yeah. I I still remember when I had to like when it was my insurance.

SPEAKER_04 16:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:24

When the m I smacked into that power pole. Um they were like, just a few quick questions, Mr. Middleton. Um had you been drinking at the time? And I was like, nope.

SPEAKER_04 16:35

Yeah, fair bit. And with my eyes closed.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Yeah. And they were like, uh, any drugs in your system? And I'm like, nope. I'm like, who the fuck's saying yes?

SPEAKER_04 16:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:43

Like, what are this the small amount of dumb people that are like, I'm dumb. I'm not that dumb. You know what I mean? But I didn't have it anyway, so I was fine. Yeah. Um, but yeah, it's obviously pretty car accidents, they'll get you.

SPEAKER_04 16:57

Yeah. I got into like one fender bender once, and that was uh it wasn't even a my fault. It wasn't their fault, it wasn't my fault. We were genuinely I talked about this on stage for a little bit and I fucked off because it's not even that funny. It was just something that happened at the time when we were we were in a school zone and there was no crossing person. I wasn't speeding or anything, I was doing 40. They were doing 40 as well, I assume, but they they braked like really, really hard suddenly because a kid ran out in front of them. Yeah, like just ran out in front of them, they had no time, they braked, and I went into the back of them, and again, it was just like a boom, so it wasn't no one was hurt, it was none none of that sort of shit. Um, but I was like, Well, I'm not mad at that. That's it, that's the best case scenario. Like, she didn't hit a kid. Say she because presumably, um no, it was uh but she didn't hit a kid and everyone was fine. I was like, well, that'll do. Lollipop men, where are they when you need them?

SPEAKER_03 17:48

I've I've I went to school with two people that one person went through a red light, I think. No someone went through a red light, they they stopped and somehow they got pushed into another car as a car accident. Very convoluted thing. But one of the people involved in the car accident was like 90 and they just died. Okay, yeah, so it was like this weird like uh circumstance that they got pushed into another car and this and that, and then the person involuntary manslaughter or something like that.

SPEAKER_04 18:24

Yeah, which they didn't get in trouble with.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

No, I know, but I mean and then another person, this one's crazy. I went to primary school with, pretty sure he was on his phone that they worked out. He killed a bike rider.

SPEAKER_04 18:37

Wow, yeah. But I mean, yeah, it's a bike rider, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Being that they gave him a medal, I think. Yeah, he just doesn't have to pay his Reggio anymore. Gold class. Yeah, it's uh it's pretty weird that sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

Yeah, it's fucked. Like we we we do take some silly risks when we're driving, and we really shouldn't. I do it way less now from you know, obviously, like talking to you about things that have happened and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Yeah, because you can change someone's life. I worked with a dude actually because I don't know, I know I think I know two people that have been to prison in my life. And this dude, from all accounts, he was working night shift on the rail or something in Melbourne. On the what? Of the rail, like the other railway, yeah, yeah, sorry. And um it was very common for them to take meth to work at night to get through their swings. Oh, okay, right, yeah. Yeah, and um he was on meth and he was well and truly off his swing like a few days after it type thing, but apparently you crash after it type thing, because obviously you don't sleep.

SPEAKER_04 19:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

And then he was driving to like his parents' house and back blocks or somewhere and he fell asleep and he had a head-on crash with another car and like shattered his arm and hurt himself, and then he he also hurt the other person pretty bad. No, didn't kill them or anything, they just broke broke some bones. Um, obviously that's horrible. But the his lawyer was like, Don't worry about it, like first offense, you'll be fine, blah blah blah blah. And he was like, Alright, sick. His missus was like seven months pregnant or something at the time as well. And then he was in court and the judge was like, Yeah, you're going to jail for two years. And he was just like, uh, fuck. And then he was just telling me stories of prison because he was a non-violent like and it was his first time. Yeah, they sent him to that farm.

SPEAKER_04 20:29

I was gonna say, they would have he would have gone to like, was it Worraloo or I no no, if it's Victoria, yeah. But there's two here, there's one called Warraloo, and there's another one, I can't remember what it's called. But they I know people that have been there. I know one guy who apparently had this huge I don't know how much this is true, but this is what he told me. He had like a big tax debt, and they were chasing him for the tax debt, and then they eventually said, if you don't pay it, we'll you'll go to jail. And he was like, How long for? And then they they sent him to jail. He went to jail for like six months or something. I can't remember. He doesn't have his debt anymore. Yeah, and his debt is cleared. But he goes, But I went to and this this farm that he went to, and he goes, You could if you want to, you can just walk out.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

Yeah, yeah. He was like, they literally went to the city.

SPEAKER_04 21:06

Minimum security, like no security prison.

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Yeah, it's just just a farm. Yeah, but he was saying that it was still like bad shit still happened because there's still like there's real criminals that have now done their time and been peaceful for X amount of years, and then their last stage is this farm. So it's like so you have bad guys still there, and then so he was he was there for like a short amount of time. I think it was after parole and stuff like that, like as in like time served compared to actual year sentence. I think he was only there for like 14 months or something, which is still a long time to be locked up. But he told me this story, which is brutal. There was this real mouthy dude like this just a decade, and there was some bad dudes in this prison that were like just biding their time until they finished, and um this guy. I was just mouthy, mouthy, mouthy. And he was told, like, you don't mess with those guys. They're they've done some bad shit. They're on the end of their thing. So he's like, Yep. This mouthy dude was always everyone going like a little terrier type thing, stupid little dog. And they fucked with he he fucked with these dudes too many times. So when he was in the gym, what they did is they grabbed his arms, right? And then just walked over with like a 50 kilo dumbbell and just dropped them on his arms. And just snapped his arms. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:40

Um, and then they you know and then they're out of war the of the farm prison and back into He didn't he didn't dub on him.

SPEAKER_03 22:48

Oh yeah, because he was like, well, like I'll get in a lot more because it was only a few of them that did it, but there's still X amount of other people that are part of that. And it was like, well, you'll so yeah, he didn't dub on him and just took it as like, well, I was being a fuckwit.

SPEAKER_04 23:05

Did they do it to both of his arms?

SPEAKER_03 23:06

They did it to both of his arms, yeah. They snapped his arms. Fuck and the dude said that that guy, he was a big dude that I worked with. Um, he said when he first got there, there was like this dude who'd like an accountant that did like fraud, but thought he was like a real hard dude. And he like stepped up to him on the first day and got into his face. And he's like, I'd been fighting all my life. He's like, I probably should have been in prison a lot earlier. Yeah, you know, he's like done meth and all that sort of stuff, and he just batted him, and he was just like, Yeah, he just left me alone after that. He was like weirdly getting in my face for some strange reason. I was like, Well, it's prison. I guess I just smack him. Yeah, good old prison. I don't think I'd do well there, to be fair.

SPEAKER_04 23:48

No, no, I don't think I would either, and I don't want to go and find out. I love that Chris Waynehouse joke about um he he went to prison and he didn't know that he was going to prison, and he goes, as in like he he had to go to court, but he didn't know that from court he was going to prison. He goes, I'll be honest, court uh prison ruined court for me. I don't think I'll ever go to court again.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

It's funny. Yeah, he is a superstar or Chris, one of the best, but yeah, I I think I've had dreams in the last which I meant the last podcast of those, like those crazy dreams, yeah. I think I've had dreams of like I'm going to prison, but I've never actually gone to prison. Like it's just in that like court case and like the lead up.

SPEAKER_04 24:32

I know people that have have gone and then they're like, Oh, I'm going to prison on you know, and then there's this date, and they're in they're at home. That's so they're not they're not like a risk or anything, but they have to go in like the next week or so. And it's like I I think your life is for me, it feels like your life is fucked, can almost over.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

At the point where you're gonna be going to jail for like however long.

SPEAKER_03 24:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:56

Like you've absolutely hit rock bottom, but you're you're there at home playing on your PlayStation, tweeting, ready, going like, oh yeah, I mean I'm gonna be in jail in in like a week or so for the next two years.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

Just be like, hey, fuck, hey guys, it might be sort of hard for me to reply to these messages. Um, I I can't do Sunday league football, yeah, blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, I I don't know. I think I'd just be like, I'm out. I'd just be like be a fugitive.

SPEAKER_04 25:23

Really?

SPEAKER_03 25:24

Actually, if that was the case, I'm probably only going for a short amount of time.

SPEAKER_04 25:29

That's true. If you're hanging out, yeah, you're probably low risk and you're not gonna yeah. If it was if you're like a violent offender, they just fucking take you and they go to Raman Center. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Um anyway, well, Pausy, prison wouldn't be my go-to. Prison, we do not recommend it. If you've been to prison, because there's chances of like some people listening to this podcast, where our downloads are pretty high, which is great. Um, let us know. Let us if you know someone who's been to prison, get them to send a voice note. Andrew Hamilton. Oh yeah. You've opened for him a fair few times.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

Yeah, he's a bit of a superstar now. He um he went to prison for selling mushrooms and well, to be honest, he went to prison, I think, because he had a lot of stuff on him.

SPEAKER_03 26:13

Yeah, yeah. That is pretty uh it should be so weird.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

Well, especially because I think they're legal now.

SPEAKER_03 26:22

I don't know. I think he does like I I'm sure I've heard one of his jokes say, like, it's strange that.

SPEAKER_04 26:27

Yeah, because now he like what was it, getting um the therapy or whatever for the PTSD that he got from oh no, he gets subscribed m this uh prescribed mushrooms to deal with the PTSD he got from going to prison selling mushrooms. Yeah. I think that's the joke.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

That is uh it must be very strange because in America there would be so many people who went to prison for like third strike drug offense.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

And it's a minimal amount of weed or whatever, and now it's like you can just walk into a dispensary. But that I think that's the big thing over there, isn't it? It's like get those cunts out. But it's like, well, you broke the law at the time. I'm not I I don't agree with it, but that's the thing, isn't it? It's like you didn't obey the laws of society when it was a law.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:10

So that's why you're not getting out. Yeah, it's uh because yeah, it was for that particular offense, but it's still like, well, you chose to break a law. Yeah, yeah, so I do get it, but it's yeah, it's fucked. They should just let them out.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

All right, we have one from a gentleman here. Uh, I should say a voice note for the people who can't see what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Cheers from Melbourne here. Loving your work. Uh, I'm doing a road trip through Alaska, gonna go to Anchorage and Juneau. Love to get your thoughts and your intel on those places. Cheers.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

Well, I will say make sure you keep your eyes open the whole time. It doesn't really matter how straight you think the road is, if you think there's any obstacles in the way or people coming, try to drive uh with your eyes.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

That is one place that you probably could drive for a long time. Um, because there it's it's crazy that you can just see for like kilometers and kilometres or miles, as you guys say.

SPEAKER_04 28:08

That's that's the way here. There's plenty of roads in WA, especially there's plenty of roads where it's just fucking straight.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Is the nullable just that?

SPEAKER_04 28:14

The nullable's like 90 miles of it. It's an it's literally called the 90 mile straight, but then you have the Stuart Highway leading in to um Alice Springs from um from Broom. Um that's pretty much the same. There's parts of that that are just fucking straight as an arrow. They're kind of like they're amazing when you're you when you're in them a little bit, but then it's also like this is this is boring. Yeah, you know, there's nothing around, it's pretty boring. I really like that barren sort of landscape where you look like holy fuck, this is impressively fucking depressing. There's nothing around, it's like there is nothing, nothing can live here. It's too hot, it's too fucking dry, it's ratchet, but it's really amazing to like beat in it for a bit.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

Just post-apocalyptic. Yeah, that's how it feels.

SPEAKER_04 28:59

But then, like, the have you been to the Kimberleys here? It's just it's that's a crazy weird, like greenish sort of landscape in this red dust, like all these trees and like cool hills and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

I saw a picture once of a a giant python eating like a wallaby in the Kimberleys. And I was like, holy shit, it was huge. Like from the movie Anaconda.

SPEAKER_04 29:20

We had a um was it? It was a yeah, it was a python, it was like a carpet python coming to our when we lived a bit more rurally. We had um an Avery, and it came into the Avery, ate a bird, and then couldn't get out again because it had it in it. You had to throw it up. Um we I just called the wildlife carer for like the area, and they came out and um said it was a really old snake. Like they were really impressed with like the age and the health of this snake. Yeah, she was like I can't remember, but I think she was like 20 years old or something. Like this was an old and a big, big fucking snake. So the the wildlife carer just took her and dropped her off somewhere where she said it would be like safe for her to be.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

They sold her to China and the black market, but they're so impressive though. Yeah, it's crazy, they're just dinosaurs, but they're horror.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

Like, I fucking hate them. Really?

SPEAKER_03 30:08

As soon as I saw it, I was just snake all day over spider. I'm team team snake.

SPEAKER_04 30:15

Well, I can destroy a spider with like a fucking flick of something or whatever. A snake, like they are they're just different.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

Yeah, they're creepy. Going back to Jeremy's thing. So Alaska, uh Anchorage, that's where the bear story happened. Yeah. When I was in the tent that time. So if you camp and Jez, make sure to get some bear mace because there'd be bears. Um that was sketchy. Um, and this is honestly, if you get the opportunity to do this, this is a weird one. And somehow it's just worked perfectly into our prison stuff, which I am genuinely happy about. When I was in Juneau, yeah, my friend had just got done drink driving. Right. So D U Y in the States. Yeah. Unfortunate, she messed up. Um, she had to go to court. Was she from there? Yep. Okay. Uh, born and raised, and she was going to court like the next week when we were there, and we're like, Can we come? And she was like, Yeah, I guess. Because it was like it's just a a small court type thing. Yeah. So we were like, we had nothing to do. We're like, man, like a town hall or whatever. Yeah, pretty much. Was that like a real court place? Like guards and stuff. Obviously, it's America, everyone's got a bazooka and you know, nunchucks. So we go into the courtroom, we're sitting down, and there's literally just a bulletin of like today is drink driving charges. Oh, who they're seeing, like, and it was just like a massive list of them.

SPEAKER_04 31:48

But does it tell you what they've done?

SPEAKER_03 31:50

It's like names and what they've done, or mate, they name and shame in the paper.

SPEAKER_04 31:53

Yeah, because I was gonna say, like, that is a done thing in a lot of places. I've never really noticed it here, but they they do it back home in England. Yep. So and so was arrested for this and tried and convicted of this.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

It's like so they they give you blah blah blah was arrested of this, they will be in court on this date. And I was just like, okay, superstar. So we went there, right? We went to watch my friend. Um, I didn't know this at the very beginning. They actually have real criminals. Uh yeah, yeah, full orange jumps uh jumpsuits, chained up, cuffs, and they do those people first. And I'm like, this is the greatest day of my life. I should have got hit earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we saw the start of it. Oh, okay, nice. Yeah, so it's so good. So I remember a few cases. One dude was trespassing. Um, he was his own, like, he didn't have his own representation. He's doing this big spiel, like, you know, I was here and there, I was doing this, blah, blah, blah. And the judge was like, Oh, that's like fair. Like, you know, it sounds like wrong place, wrong time. Yeah. And then the is it the district attorney? Is that the one who's like on behalf of like the state? I think so. Was just like I only know this from TV. Yeah, yeah, me too. He was just like, uh, judge, can I just say my part? So, yeah, sure. It's like, yeah, Mr. Blah blah blah has been done for trespassing 55 times. He's been in and out of court 16 times, he's done like everything. And the judge is just like, hmm. All right, and then just sends him to jail. Yeah, oh wow. Pretty short. I think it was like six months. Yeah. And then the next one was a lady who was living in a different state, like the other side of America, didn't realize she had a warrant for her arrest, right? And just handed herself in. Right. And she'd already been in uh custody for 15 days, and her thing was like 30 days. Yeah. So they were just like, Yep, backdated, you only have to do 15 more, and she was like, sick. And then there was another dude who was I can't remember what it was. It was like theft or some shit. Yeah. But then the juicy one happened. It was like this attractive chick. Like I was like, You don't deserve to be here. And then like it was for um it was for domestic violence against her boyfriend. Yeah. And I was just like, he probably did something wrong. Yeah, he deserved it. And then they go into the spiel, and um she she hit him and did something and blah blah blah. And then it was funny because the judge was like, just to let you know if you plead like she was pleading um guilty to it, yeah, that you can't have a gun license anymore. And she was like, Oh no, like I I want my gun license. So she changed her plea? Yeah, she changed her plea, right? So I'm sitting down in the crowd, like, this is the greatest day of my life. And then the judge is about to like hit the fucking, you know, the gavel. Yeah, yeah, and then all of a sudden, a dude from the audience stands up directly behind me, and I was like, It's America. Like, I assume he's just gonna start shooting the place up. Yeah, and he was this old grisly bearded man, duck dynasty looking fuck, and he was just like, Judge, and then you once he stood up, the bailiffs, I think they are, the dudes with the gun who are like security for the police officers, actually, were just like hands-on guns, didn't draw them, were like ready, and because he just started talking. That's not what you do in court, yeah. And he was like, This is my daughter, she's a heroin addict. Her boyfriend took her out of rehab. By the time I got there, she was already doing heroin, she's got a six-month uh child, I'm looking after it, I'm 75 years old, and just goes into this massive spiel. And the judge's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That this is not how this works. Like, I will give you a time, let me do this, and then I'll give you a time to shine. Goes along, does all this crap, blah, blah, blah. And this daughter was just like, Don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about. And I was like, This is sick, right? And then he finally gets his moment in the sun and he just goes on this massive spiel.

SPEAKER_04 36:30

And you're whooping and shit.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

Yeah, it's like a she used to be a collegiate basketball player. I don't know what that word means.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

Collegiate means it just means she went to college and played basketball.

SPEAKER_03 36:39

Okay, superstar, and she was hot, and then she got addicted to heroin. Um, what was it? He was asking if she could be put into his like custody because he was going to fly her to a remote island off Alaska somewhere, and it was this really prestigious rehab center that he had worked out to get for free and all this sort of stuff. And he's like, please, she's gonna die if she because apparently people do more drugs in prison.

SPEAKER_04 37:13

Yeah, I've heard that. Than I don't know if that's true, but well, this is what he said, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

And from the TV shows that I've watched, that's all I need. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

That's all I need.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

So he's saying, like, he it's pretty brutal, actually. He starts crying and stuff, and then the judge was like, We don't do that. Like we can't just put her in your she's a convicted felon. Yeah. Um, and then all of a sudden, the daughter does a huge backflip and was just like, Oh daddy, they're gonna take me to jail, and just starts crying and like fucking moving and shit. They're all shackled together as well.

SPEAKER_04 37:51

All the uh people in trying.

SPEAKER_03 37:54

Yeah, so weird. And she's moving and they're all moving because they have she's shackled to the other lady. I think the dudes were shackled together, and the women were shackled together, and there's a bit of leeway, but she's moving and shit, and it's like, ah daddy, they're gonna take me to jail. I wanna go to rehab, don't let them take me, daddy. And she's just freaking out, and I'm fucking smiling, which is weird. But it was so like all the emotions just like in within a minute, she was like, Fuck you, don't listen to him. Daddy, help me. And I was like, Oh, this is a fucking heroin addict.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

Like, you got to watch this amazing little soap opera unfold.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

So crazy.

SPEAKER_04 38:32

Who was it who sent that voice note? What was his name? Uh Jeremy. So, Jeremy, I guess Tate's advice is commit a like a small crime so that you go to court and then you get to watch all the rest of this stuff unfold.

SPEAKER_03 38:45

You can go there without getting a movie.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

Encourage him to break the law a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

Um, but yeah, she ended up getting taken away, and that was the end of it. And then we watched so Alaska apparently is the only state in America that has a second chance program for DUI people. Right. Because drink driving is huge, yeah. Um, you can't enter Canada if you've got a DUI charge or drink driving as we call it here. Um, I guess it's driving under the influence.

SPEAKER_04 39:19

It's in the DUI, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

So they had this scheme, essentially, like you if you say for a year I will not go to a place that sells alcohol unless I work there, um I'm in like a curfew after 10 pm.

SPEAKER_04 39:38

For driving or just in general?

SPEAKER_03 39:40

Yeah, driving as well, I think. And and in general, and like you're just all of a sudden you're like this Mormon. Like you just you you you sign up for this thing for a year. And if you do it for a year and like you don't, yeah, it's a pretty small place, I think. Yeah. So it's probably pretty easy if you went into a like a register or something, they could find you or see you. So yeah, so my friend ended up doing that. So she she did it successfully, she so that charge got dropped. But there was this girl in there that was dumb as two rocks, right? And the judge was like, Do you want to do that? And she was like, Nah. And they were like, You're gonna get she was twenty uh you had to be under 26 or something like that, and she was like 22 or something like that. And they're like, Do you wanna like this is the only place in all of America that we can like double or nothing, pretty much, and she was like, Nah.

SPEAKER_04 40:41

So she just wanted to go to jail.

SPEAKER_03 40:43

I like no, you will she just lose her license. That's it. Like it wasn't that serious.

SPEAKER_04 40:47

You have that here, don't you? Um in Victoria we do, yeah. Don't you have it here as well? I think you have it here too. Oh, with like in W These things don't apply to me. I don't drink, so I don't concern myself with all the little rules and stuff, but I have heard people talk about them.

SPEAKER_03 40:58

So I was on the golden point, which I've written a joke about it and haven't like released it yet.

SPEAKER_04 41:02

So the gambling thing, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:04

So it's the doubt it's the golden point, is if if you lose all your points in like say, I think you have five or six when you're on your pea plates probationary, you the government gives you an option, they go, we'll give you one point for one whole year. Oh, yeah, it's the golden point. Yeah, so essentially you get one extra compared to everyone else. Yeah. Or you lose your license for uh three months, right? If you uh successfully Yeah, sorry, so it's either golden point or the three months. If you lose that golden point, you get you double it and you lose your license for six months. So it's pretty like But to not have your license for three months or it might even be six months and twelve months, I'm not too sure. It was eighteen, I was eighteen when this happened to me. Yeah, and it I just find it so funny that our government's like double or nothing.

SPEAKER_04 42:02

One one week would be a kind of a thing, to be honest. Well, I can't One week not driving is hard.

SPEAKER_03 42:07

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I I I also too like I haven't had since that time, I haven't had a point taken away. Yeah. Have you ever lost a point?

SPEAKER_04 42:17

No.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Fucking just good guys around here.

SPEAKER_04 42:22

But I think even if I drank, I I just would not do it and drive it. I've never been a crossover. Yeah, no, no, no. I haven't had it for anything, but like I I never the drinking one's a big one for me because I know lots of people that have done it and and do it. I know we know we know people who do it.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

It's a lot of comedians who do it.

SPEAKER_04 42:39

And I don't fucking get it. I just don't get it.

SPEAKER_03 42:42

No, it's so silly. It's like one, we just spoke about going to jail, yeah, for real things for all of our like let's be honest, for the people that I hang around with, the only way they could go to jail is literally drink driving and crashing into someone. Yeah, and they do it, and it only takes weirdly like I went around the corner up here on Saturday night last week. I'm driving, it's pretty dark, and a dude was just crossing the road, just willy-nilly, yeah, headphones on. I had to slow down, like I would have hit him.

SPEAKER_04 43:14

Um I keep seeing it with people on those fucking scooters. They just zoom across the road and and they don't look. Yep. It's like you're not uh do you think that you are as protected on that thing as you would be in like a car or something? What is happening?

SPEAKER_03 43:27

Yeah, it's it's bonkers.

SPEAKER_04 43:28

Insane.

SPEAKER_03 43:29

But that was our prison talk, ladies and gentlemen. Uh that's you've got a geek to go to.

SPEAKER_04 43:34

Yeah. So where you need to shoot off.

SPEAKER_03 43:37

Um thank you so much for Jeremy and Yeah, thanks for all the notes and stories. The other fellow, I think, who's nameless.

SPEAKER_04 43:44

We've got more. I just we'll get to them. Thank you. Keep sending them in. We love them, we appreciate you. If you got any prison stuff, send it through. Thanks, bye.