Ep 16 Pigeon Holed Podcast - CCTV

Welcome to episode 16 of the Pigeon Holed Podcast - Tait talks gambling, the boys discuss dying, raising children, listen to voice notes that have been sent in, open relationships and much more.  

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Dave and Tait

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

We're on, we're back.

SPEAKER_03 0:00

We're back, we're on.

SPEAKER_04 0:02

Welcome to the uh Pigeon. Pigeon Paul. Pigeon Paul. Uh Pigeon Hole Podcast. I am one of the hosts, Tate Middleton.

SPEAKER_03 0:11

He is, he's one of the hosts. He's Tate Middleton.

SPEAKER_04 0:13

That's the other guy, David Hughes. Um, I I'm coming off a good week of winning money, David.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

You won what did you win? You won the gong on Thursday, which was what, 350?

SPEAKER_04 0:26

350 for gong on Thursday, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Yeah, and then you won it on Friday at Frio, the new one.

SPEAKER_04 0:34

Oh, you've been gambling too, have you?

SPEAKER_03 0:37

What did you win there?

SPEAKER_04 0:39

Uh 150 bucks or something. Yeah, nice. So pretty much between comedy and gambling, and some say comedy is a form of gambling. No one says that. I do. We're starting it. Um yeah, I had a good week. Probably one of we'll take away just the gambling because that's that's fucking anomaly, that's to be honest. I don't do that often. But to win that money plus a few paid gigs, because I did MCing. Oh, you did, didn't you? Yeah, MC two gigs. That was fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

Um, terrifying, but fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Speaking of terrifying, I just fired and I had to, I was like, Oh god, we're okay. It wasn't the sound, it was the fact that water might come out. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:19

Um oh shit, yeah. Um, well, don't shit on Todd's couch because that's brown already will be the last time we are back.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

It's brown, so it doesn't really matter too much. Um, so you how many geeks did you MC? You MC'd East No?

SPEAKER_04 1:33

Mad Cow on Monday and ECC. Oh, you did do ECC, that's right, yeah. Yes, so that's fun. Starting to get a bit more confident. MCing, which for the people listening that have not done comedy, which is probably 99% of people, um that's a different ball game. Aye. It's a uh you kinda you can and fodder, you go out there, you take the shots from the audience, and then you just relinquish the role to the next act and pray that they do well, and then just keep pushing through and then talk about some random shit in between.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

Chat to the audience, what do you do for a living?

SPEAKER_04 2:15

I did that one. I was like, hey, where are you from? And a guy was like, Israel, and I was like, fuck that. And I put the microphone down and I walked off. Uh comedy. Comedy. Um, as I have a one of our friends. Oh, you've got the cap-off hat on. Cap off, cap off. Um, which I need to do that again one day, but not this week. Um, what's been going on in your world? Last week you were crook because you were eating sausage rolls like a madman.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Um yeah, not much, man. I'm um I'm getting ready to go to Sydney soon.

SPEAKER_04 2:50

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

Doing the store. Other than that, I don't really have a lot happening. It's been been quite yeah, quiet on my end. In a good way. It's been quiet in a good way.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

Yeah, I mean my my weeks where I do like a heap of stand up uh last week was six gigs. Six gigs with one gig cancelled as well. Um I'm absolutely knackered.

SPEAKER_03 3:14

Yeah, it's weird that.

SPEAKER_04 3:15

Yeah. Like you like doing eight thousand gigs.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Ideally, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:20

But I I'd get my fill and then I'm like, I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

But I also think as well, I don't really do much else, so there's nothing to really fatigue me.

SPEAKER_04 3:28

I do less than you.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

Yeah, you probably do actually at the moment, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:33

Hadn't hadn't really been going to the gym. Still going to the gym, but I've lost 35 kilos since last episode. Yeah. It's been good. I put it back on this morning, so you can't tell. Waterweight. Um, but yeah, it's uh it's we I swear when the least when you do less stuff, in my opinion, you get tired quicker.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

I agree, yeah. I I think so too. Also, I think if you're doing less stuff, and I know this is something that you have said that you kind of suffer with, you have less structure and then you end up sort of getting up later and staying up later and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 4:09

So that's definitely a that's the head fuck. The last episode we were talking about um winning the lottery and stuff like that. The guy in Adelaide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um that's that's one of my like most terrifying things. I didn't have structure, I don't have great structure at the moment because I'm living this weird little fantasy life in W Way for the next probably few months before going back to Vic. Um But it's yeah, I think I just you start to go to bed later, wake up later, and you rinse and repeat, and then you your food gets all out of whack and how do you break that cycle?

SPEAKER_03 4:48

What's your thing to break it?

SPEAKER_04 4:50

Death? Yeah. Probably the easiest one, I guess. Sooner or later, I guess. Yeah. Would you want to know when you die?

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Um, no.

SPEAKER_04 4:59

Alright, I won't tell you.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 5:04

Alright. Would you want to know? Close your eyes. Um I this is gonna sound very morbid, but I don't I don't see a a world where I live that long.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

I'm with you there. I also feel the same.

SPEAKER_04 5:24

I I can't I've never envisioned me in my let's say 60s. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:31

Yeah, I can't imagine you as an old person either.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

I couldn't.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

I know I mean, but for I'm I'm the same. I don't know, maybe that's a common thing. Maybe a lot of us are like that. But I've I've always thought like I don't think it is. I don't expect to get past. I mean, I didn't expect to get to 20 and then afterwards I was just like, all right, things would think things will be a little bit easier for me now, but I still don't imagine getting to like yeah, 60, 70, like the idea of being 70 years old is as alien to me now at 43 nearly, as you know, when you're 15 and you look at a 30-year-old and you go like wow, that's so fucking old. 30 is so old. It is crazy. I can't imagine ever being there.

SPEAKER_04 6:12

Yeah, so knowing when I die. I'm a 50-50 on it, weirdly. I think I sort of would like to know just so I could be like, Alright, you've got time to do stuff, but also too, knowing that you're gonna die might send me into like a crazy spiral.

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Yeah, well, yeah, because like what if it's like yeah, you you'll be dead before Christmas. Next week. Yeah. It's like fuck.

SPEAKER_04 6:42

Like, do I start a life of crime in that time?

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Probably.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

I feel like I'd just sleep. What's the fucking point? I'll just fucking sleep it.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

No, I think you would um I think you would just go on an absolute colossal bender. Wouldn't you go and like take like a huge loan out and then just go and fucking travel and mate.

SPEAKER_04 7:03

The bank would be like, you don't have the fucking why are they giving me a loan? You know what I mean? I I have heard of people doing it before, getting their sort of cancer diagnosis and being like blah blah blah, and they're just like, eh, I'll just go get 600 grand out and go to Thailand and live in a villa for the next two years before I die. Um but it's yeah. I guess no. I wouldn't want to know.

SPEAKER_03 7:29

Yeah, because it would change everything. You're just like, fuck, I've got to do this for another fucking 60 years.

SPEAKER_04 7:40

Sometimes I do think like that. I go like, fuck. I've gotta change up my life because I'm just doing the same. I guess everyone has those thoughts.

SPEAKER_03 7:47

I don't. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Um I am great. Exactly. No, yeah, I think we all do. And I think you have to as well, otherwise you probably would be live a very strange existence. I think you constantly have to be going, like, oh, am I doing what I should be doing? Is this the right decision? Is this the right move? Should I be living somewhere else or doing something else?

SPEAKER_04 8:10

Yeah. I live with two Welsh guys and one Australian dude who lives out the back in like a na a granny flat.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

Um and um think of like a less gay Jeffrey Dharma.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_04 8:28

Yeah. Like we don't know if he's not less murderous, but just less gay. Like, yeah, he's um he just plays VR all night, goes to bed at like 5, 6, 7, 8 a.m. And then rinse and repeat.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Yeah, fuck.

SPEAKER_04 8:44

And it's such a weird little existence, and he just comes into the house sometimes. Like Oh, he's red and Yeah, well well it's it's just weird. Like if we see him before sort of two, three o'clock, we're like he's up. Wow. Um and yeah, he's on like centre link type thing. I think he suffers obviously from some sort of mental health stuff, which I I don't know how you couldn't like just Yeah, living like that.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Yeah. So he doesn't go out and do anything, doesn't work, and doesn't No, he doesn't do anything.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

He's on some sort of centerlink welfare thing. But like I I try and chat to him sometimes and he's just like he can talk. Like sometimes he'll he'll chat to me and then some other days he'll just be like and then just yeah, scuttle off into his room and I'm like, see ya. Um but yeah, I mean that's a weird little existence just there.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Do you think he's just like watching VR porn?

SPEAKER_04 9:38

I hope so. What's the point of having a VR if you're not my my son's gone. He's a creep. Nine years old. That isn't like we've we've spoken about this, I think, on the pod, but like the idea of just back in the day, it used to be fucking, you know, it was always someone had the exact same story of finding a porno in the wilderness.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:00

And now he's got like that's the weirdest thing I find that your son will have from now until ever a device where he can look at things and you go, like, oh, we put the parental controls on and stuff. It's like they're geniuses. Yeah, the children are essentially like prisoners. You know how in prison they work out all the random shit. They're like, Yeah, if we take all the water out of the toilet, we can do this and that, and fucking blah blah blah. Children, some child will do that and then pass it along to your son, yeah, and then he'll figure out how to do shit. Yeah, or with like just YouTube alone, you can do tutorials how to crack things, yeah, you know. So it's such a weird, I guess you gotta raise them right, which is hard. It is when they get bad friends, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

It is hard because like he, my son wants a phone, yeah. Because friends of his age have got phones, yeah, kids in his class go to school with phones, they're on phones, and obviously he doesn't really understand why he can't have one. Yeah, and to be honest, I don't really have a good reason for him not wanting one other than I just don't want you to have one, yeah. Like he used to have an iPad, and then I realized that basically using an iPad like a phone because they are the same things, they're just bigger. Yeah, um, so I was like, you're not having an iPad anymore. Yeah, which again, not the nicest thing ever, but but he does have VR, so get fucked. Yeah, but I mean well, he has a his VR and he has a Switch, like he can play games, yeah, but I didn't like the other stuff, yeah. Like you can just use apps and watch fucking things on you know, just spend all day watching YouTube or whatever. Um but also just screen time in general. Yeah, because I'm like, put it down, I just want to talk to you now.

SPEAKER_04 11:42

Yeah, we didn't have that stuff sort of it's funny because we've lived through so much of this stuff. Yeah, like I swear, like our parents and grandparents and all those fucks they only had it that way, yeah, yeah. For so long they didn't know anything else.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

I grew up without the internet, and then grew up it's still while growing up, the introduction to the internet, the accessibility of the internet, and then how all of that changed to what it is now, and I'm still in it. So, like I've had all of that that sort of progress, I guess. Um, but yeah, having having a kid is is fucking I mean, I guess it's always strange. You're always you know, it to your parents or whatever. It was it was strange having a kid during that time because that was the time and it was a new thing for them. But I do feel like it is fucking crazy now. There's just so much that you have to think about, yeah. It's and then you want to instill like these older values, like I don't let him watch anything at the table or have anything in front of him. And I know some parents are like you know, out of restaurants, whatever have an iPad or watch something on the phone. I'm like, no, no, if you're because he said to me it wasn't too long ago, he's like, I'm I'm bored, and I was like, Cool, be bored. Like it's not the end of the world, just entertain yourself. You can't to to expect to never be bored is fucking insane.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

Yeah. I wonder if that will lead to like children being like less less creative, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

It will a hundred percent lead to them being less creative because they are stimulated constant. Some of them are stimulated constantly, they don't have to use their imagination for anything, and now they can just weirdly create stuff through AI, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

Whereas like we had to draw and stuff, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:21

Yeah, and I guess you get better at doing both of those things, it's not it's not too dissimilar. But I I mean like um I guess someone was talking about this recently about being in the car as a kid and having absolutely nothing to do. So they were counting like the raindrops down the windscreen and like watching them race each other and stuff, like shit like that. But he was like, I think that made me the creative that I am now.

SPEAKER_04 13:43

Yeah, you have to like build your own different world and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 13:45

Yeah, and just amuse yourself somehow. Whereas you could just look at an iPad now and and then you know look up half an hour later and you've arrived at the thing.

SPEAKER_04 13:53

Yeah, it's like when you say about like your structure of riding when you get on the the treadmill and the gym and stuff, and you just your brain ticks over.

SPEAKER_03 14:02

Whereas that's the thing, sometimes sometimes you don't even know it's happening. You don't even know it's happening, like you read a brief or whatever, and then you just go off and do something else, and then it's happening in the background.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

It is pretty crazy that sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

I know it's not the same for everyone as well, like it doesn't work the same for everyone, i.e. the the process or even just even just the idea of what you should be doing with your children, but um yeah, I don't know. It's a it feels very strange a lot of the time, and I'm always like really overwhelmed by it. Yeah, am I doing the right thing?

SPEAKER_04 14:34

Yeah, that yeah, because you never know realistically.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

Well, I want him to be like an alien in his class as well, you know. Yeah, like he's the only kid that doesn't have this, this, and this, or he's not allowed to do this, this, and this.

SPEAKER_04 14:45

Yeah, but like he's the kid who lives in a granny flat and plays VR on the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

You don't want that.

SPEAKER_04 14:50

It is very straight. It's a hard run because there's certain things that my dad, which would throw me for a loop when I was young, like he would be like, You should do this, and you're like, Why? You know, like he would be like, he was into like shooting and this and that, even though I look like some American, like like hillbilly at the moment. But he would be like, Oh, you need to learn how to shoot. And I'm like, why? But I liked it, it was fun. I did it a little bit when I was younger.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

But why why do you think he said you need to learn how to shoot?

SPEAKER_04 15:21

I don't know, alien apocalypse or some bullshit. Just was that I don't know, he wasn't that sort of person.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

Or was it like a I want you outside doing something?

SPEAKER_04 15:28

Yeah, I think so. Oh, I think also he because stuff that he did when he was young, that's probably how he got, you know, one of perfect example is one of my mates, um, one of my mates' dad took his so girlfriend at the time, which ended up being my mate's mum, to the tip to shoot rats on their first date.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

On their date.

SPEAKER_04 15:53

First date. First date to shoot rats, and then many fun four kids later, you know. So maybe that was in his mind to be like, that's how you know you go to a dance. Yeah. And he said to me, he was like, Oh, you should learn how to dance. Like the most manliest man that would be like, Hey, do you have glitter in your hair? Go wash it out because you look like a poof. Like that was his go-to all the time.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

But he wanted you to learn how to dance.

SPEAKER_04 16:17

Dance. And I was like, Why? And then now that I am 34 years old and actually think, I'm like, if you know how to dance as a young guy, you will pull so many more chicks. Like, it is women love dancing, it's just weirdly innate in them. They want to dance, you go to a wedding, they're like, let's dance. And you're like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

I fucking hate dancing.

SPEAKER_04 16:39

I know, me too. But if you're a dude who actually could dance, there was a dude when I started my plumbing apprenticeship, he was like, what was he? Maybe 10 or 15 years younger than my boss. Yeah. And that dude used to date my boss's cousin. I met my boss's cousin, and she was a smoke show. She was so fucking attractive, and this dude looked like a bucket of assholes. Like he was just not a handful of.

SPEAKER_03 17:10

But a dancing bucket of assholes.

SPEAKER_04 17:12

He did ballroom dancing, yeah. And like Grant, my old boss, was like, you should see the women he's dated through his life, through ballroom dancing, because none of these dudes could do it, and he was like a tradey. Yeah. And then he would go and do this. So he had like a bit of the gift of the gab. Yeah. He liked dancing as well. And women were like sort of two sides of the coin. He was manly and he could dance. Yeah. And geez, apparently he just yeah, just railed.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

Cleaned up.

SPEAKER_04 17:41

Cleaned up. And I was like, and the only reason and he was gross. Like he was athletic, like he was, you know, in good shape. Yeah. But his face was fucked. Like he it's like he just got the cheat codes, and yeah, he good on you. He you're probably dead, I assume. But why? I don't know. Too much sex? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Dead from fucking.

SPEAKER_04 18:02

Yeah, but it was crazy. My dad always had that sort of he was forever. He was like, You should be a marriage celebrant. And I was like, why? And he would be like, Yeah, free booze. Women are always horny.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Your dad was all just about getting you pussy.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

And um no, women are always horny. Women are always horny apparently at weddings. I've never seen that to be fair. Um, and he's like, good food. And he's like, and you get paid. And I was like, so essentially I've done like the tiniest part of celebrancy sort of stand-up, because obviously you're you know, you you you're the center of attention essentially.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

I do not see stand-up and celebrancy in the same vein.

SPEAKER_04 18:40

Uh public speaking?

SPEAKER_03 18:41

No, it's it's celebrancy is a I I don't see it as like entertaining, really. I just you know, just a person officiating a wedding.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

I've seen marriage celebrants who are so good and so funny.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

Well, yeah, like I mean Evan does it, and I'm sure he he's great. And I saw him do it at at fucking Pinder's wedding. Yeah, but I don't think that if you can do that, you can do comedy, or if you can do comedy, you can do that. I don't think that's really no, I think it's a different thing altogether, but anyway. Um yeah, that's I mean, I guess for your dad, that's like courtsmanship thing. It's the thing that he obviously grew up and goes like these are the things that either worked for me or that I wish I could have.

SPEAKER_04 19:19

He also religiously cheated on my mum. So, you know, he was all about that tang. So yeah, he's uh I guess it's funny that misguided in some ways. Yeah, like he I remember he rang me up to yell at me because I didn't remind him that it was my birthday.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Brilliant.

SPEAKER_04 19:39

Yeah, he's like, You're gonna remind me about these things. Come on, mate. I was like, You're my dad, you fuck with.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

Yeah, I'm like the the one birthday that you should know. Yeah, I only know mine, my sisters, my sons, and my wife's I don't know anyone else. And I know my wife's sisters uh by default because they're twins.

SPEAKER_04 19:57

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

That is quite literally it. I don't know anyone else's birthday. I know a few people's like months, roughly, but that's it.

SPEAKER_04 20:04

July 27th. Um, but it's it is weird. Just parenting just seems that's the most alien thing to me, I reckon. Yeah, parenting. Like it's it's so like obviously there's right and there's wrong. Yeah. You know what I mean? People are like, oh, you just don't you just gotta make it up on the spot. It's like, I know not to punch him.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

You know? Um, but some people don't. So it's like, meh, it's a it's a bit of a crazy fucking thing. Um I do have a couple of little fucking uh little fuckings. Yeah, what are they called?

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:46

Alright. This one's from Essen. I'm gonna throw on our Instagram and see what she has to say.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

Hey guys, my name's Essen. I'm from London. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I just wanted to know if you had the chance to punch anyone in the world, who would it be and why? Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Violent. If I could punch anyone. Oh, easy. Okay, easy. That fucking dude who's like, oh, 300 days of no fizzy drink. Who? The guy on Instagram who's like, his whole thing is that he hasn't had a fizzy drink for like however many days. And he's like, I think he's like a thousand days in now. I'm like, have a coke and shut the fuck up. No one cares.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

Is he is that is that impressive?

SPEAKER_03 21:37

No, that's the thing. Yeah, but it everyone acts like it is. In fact, there's another person I'd quite like to punch in the face in the same vein, and it's the uh I've seen one woman do it and one dude do it. They are old, out of shape people doing parkour really, really unimpressively. Really unimpressively, though. They're literally like just touching things as they move past them. And I when I first saw it, I was like, Oh, this is a this is a piss take, and then you see the comments, and it's like you go, you fucking do the stop encouraging the most mediocre fucking shit. It is so annoying.

SPEAKER_04 22:11

Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_03 22:12

Oh god, no one cares. You just she literally just like stepping over a wall. Like, what the fuck? Who gives a flying fuck what you're doing? Yeah. God damn it. Alright, uh, but fizzy drinks, guy, he'll get it. Who what about you? Good question, by the way, Essen.

SPEAKER_04 22:29

Probably David Goggins.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:31

He's always yelling.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:33

It's like, shut up. I'm more impressed by the cunt who's fucking not drinking fizzy drinks.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Put your shirt on as well. Yeah. Stop going for a run. Your knees are fucked. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 22:41

I don't, I just I just don't get it. When did we need so much motivation? He'll probably see this. He won't say this. People are like, you need some motivation, you fat fuck. But it's also like, shut up. Shut up, cunt. Like stop yelling. Stop fucking yelling. I know you're a hard man, you're a fucking like superstar. I get it, you've accomplished a lot. Stop fucking yelling.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

I don't if you specifically stop yelling at me. Because I'm not getting up at four o'clock in the morning and sitting in iced water. I'm just not doing it for anything or anyone. So stop shouting at me about it.

SPEAKER_04 23:13

That's the other thing, too. It's like, how long do you want to live for?

SPEAKER_03 23:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:18

You know, they're doing all this crazy shit, fucking like ice baths, hot baths, whatever, eating grapes. Stop yelling at me.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Do what you need to do. Yeah, you do your thing.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

It's like liver king. You know, liver king?

SPEAKER_03 23:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:31

I would rather be liver king than Goggins.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

But Liver King was on all of the steroids in the world, pretending that he wasn't. That's fine. But you don't even need to know much about that world to just look at him and go, You are on steroids.

SPEAKER_04 23:44

Yeah, you don't get a beard like that. That was that was what I would look at. I'd be like, look at that beard. He was like, he'd be like, look at his eight pack. I'm like, another beard, mate.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

But he was like sleeping on the floor and shit and walking around going, Oh, I've got to feel the grass under my feet and the sun on my bumhole. Like, how important? As you said, like, how long do you want to live? But also, don't you want to enjoy it a little bit too?

SPEAKER_04 24:08

Yeah, yeah. I guess my main thing is Pepsi Max can't.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

My main thing about people like David Goggins is like, you know, getting up at 3 a.m., going to bed at like 10 or whatever, getting like five hours. You're gonna be tired all the time, for one thing. But two, just like going on like 800 kilometer runs.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

Like they would never feel happy, I reckon. They would never get to a point where they get home after their day. They would always be constantly looking at their watch, going, I need to do another 10,000 sit-ups. Yeah, you you it'd be go, go, go. You the it's like those big CEOs of companies that like, oh, when I go on holidays, I bring all my my team with me and I answer emails and this and that, but I do it next to a pool. It's like, yeah, we know why you're so successful. I'm never gonna be like a businessman. I know that. Same, but it's just like cool, you jets. Just everyone that gets sick and dies and stuff on their deathbed is like, I wish I had more time to do things I loved. You're like, well, do it. You've got money to actually do it, enjoy it. Like, what gets me is people who enjoy their money. Like, I genuinely go, like, good on you. You worked hard for it, and now you get to do all the fun shit. Yeah, you rented a private yacht and went through, you know, Croatia and this and that. Yeah, fantastic. But don't don't yell at me. Just fucking shut up. David Goggins, just shut the shit.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

Yeah, David Goggins, be quiet. That is plenty. Enough out of you, cunt. And loud bars. Good question, though.

SPEAKER_04 25:36

Thank you so much, Essen. That was a great question. Please keep sending them in. We're not having any um, you know, ones that we don't have to play at this stage because of racism or you know, gender.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

One day, hopefully.

SPEAKER_04 25:49

Yeah, that's when we know we've made it. When we get that racist contingent of people that are like, yeah, they like me, and we're like, we're not like you. We hate pedophiles. Um, I do have another one, we might as well get straight into it.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

Hey pigeons, I have a dilemma. My missus just told me that she wants to have a threesome with me, her, and another dude. Oh. So my question is, how do you think that I can uh get away with burning down the house?

SPEAKER_05 26:18

Jeez.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

Uh I am very against burning her down the house? No, I'm all for burning down the house. Very against, I mean, I I I couldn't do it with another dude there. I just I know that I couldn't. But I'm also just against like if you're if that's your relationship.

SPEAKER_04 26:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

Like I like if my wife said, can we have a threesome with another woman? I'd be like, definitely not.

SPEAKER_05 26:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

That is going to open up a can of work. Even if I don't want it to or intend it to, I don't I know it wouldn't be a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 26:52

Yeah, I could I d I I think I'm jealous um on a good day. Yeah. Um, I mean I'm just getting in front of the allegations.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

Um I'll be honest, a lot of it is my own insecurities.

SPEAKER_04 27:05

Yeah, well, I would also be like, what uh what am I doing wrong? Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, why do we need that?

SPEAKER_03 27:13

So this is interesting. A friend of mine a while ago said to me, he goes, um, his he said his wife wants to have an open marriage with him. And he he was like, How fucking lucky am I that I get to basically like while I'm traveling for work and stuff like that, I can sleep with anyone and I don't have to feel guilty about it. And I was like, dude, no offense, but you are gonna get a fraction of the pussy you believe you're going to get, and your wife is gonna get dicked constantly. Yeah, like you really think that's a fucking good deal? I promise you it isn't.

SPEAKER_04 27:49

Yeah, I had the exact I had to talk one of my mates out of like when I was in Canada, he was doing a long distance thing with his long-term girlfriend, and he was like, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and um, you know, Mrs. works on the cruise ships and stuff like that, blah, blah, blah. He's like, Do you reckon like it's a good idea? We've sort of we briefly chatted about it once, like him and his partner, that they might do the open thing, and he brought it up.

SPEAKER_03 28:20

Red flag immediately just discussed. I'm sorry, but I think that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 28:24

But it was a very minute little conversation. She's European as well, so maybe it's a little bit more blah blah blah. He's from New Zealand. Um, but I was like, You're going out with I won't say her name, but like blah blah blah. He's like, Yeah, and I'm like, She's extremely attractive, and he's like, Yeah, that's why I'm going out with her. And I'm like, Can you imagine how much cock she could get daily if she wanted it? And he was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, fuck that. And I was like, Yeah, yeah, you might get if you're lucky, a root a week. She's getting dicks per like daily, yeah, multiple dicks daily, dicks daily.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

I think you'd also be amazed as well at how many uh women would probably talk to him and he'd be like, Yeah, yeah, I'm in a relationship, but it's an open relationship, and then that they'll cut off their interest there anyway. So I think it's it's even less. Whereas we're disgusting. The woman's like, oh yeah, I'm in a relationship, it's an open relationship, like they'll just jump in.

SPEAKER_04 29:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's no we don't give a fuck. It's like, wait, so is he is he there watching? And you're like, no, no, oh fine.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Yeah, fine.

SPEAKER_04 29:37

You know what I mean? I have uh had a couple of mates tell me that they've had match with a girl on Tinder, it's usually an older woman, and she's like, hey, my husband wants to watch me get fucked, and they're like, Yeah, fine. Just have a couple of drinks and a few like a Viagra or whatever, just no stage fright, and then just do the deed. And then the dude's just like sitting there, just like not even like jerking off, just sitting there, just like I don't know, it's a different world.

SPEAKER_03 30:11

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 30:12

Not to judge, but that's yeah, it's not I suppose you can sort of judge that stuff. You know what I mean? Like it's such a weird I am judging, it is, it's weird. It's so different, yeah. Like I couldn't imagine. I don't I I would be if a girl said, like, hey, I want to sleep with other men, like with threesomes, yeah. I straight away would be like, Oh, I'm not, like, clearly not doing it for you. Like, yeah, you go do your thing. Like, we're done. We're done, for sure. It would be pretty quick turnaround. And the dudes who would be like, Oh, you're obviously not like you know, you're insecure. It's like, yeah, I am you're fucking idiots. 100%. That's why I'm very asked. That's why I don't want to do it. Yeah, I don't want someone deep dicking my missus better than me. I don't want her knowing that there's fucking chocolate-covered fucking strawberries out there, and I'm giving her normal strawberries. Keep her in the dark, you know. Fucking hell.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

What was his thing? Oh, the a threesome with a uh another oh with another dude? Or yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, I don't even logistically, I don't think I could just do that. I just it would I would be so like I would I just don't want wouldn't want to be a part of it. Yeah, it's and I'm talking, let's just say I'm single and I don't know any of these people. You just think me, a dude, and one chick. I'm like, nah, I'm fine, thanks. I don't really not really comfortable with this.

SPEAKER_04 31:32

What about a celebrity? No, okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

Single me and two girls, yeah. Done that. That's fine. But like single me.

SPEAKER_04 31:42

See, I don't, I I've never had a threesome. Um and they're not that fun. I was gonna say it's quite overwhelming. I was gonna say, I don't think I to be fair, I would rather disappoint one person at a time.

SPEAKER_03 31:56

Yeah, I disappointed two people really quickly.

SPEAKER_04 31:58

Yeah, that that would be my thing. It's like this is my other thing where girls get like a bit like, oh, you know, fucking you came so fast and this and that, which I can't say I really have struggled from that, like uh, because I'm secretly gay. But the main thing is like some of you girls are just too good. Yeah, skills are just phenomenal, and I I'm I'm playing like absolute amateur, and you're a pro. You know what I mean? It's like seeing an open mic comic doing the first couple of gigs, and you're like, oh, you don't know how to hold the fucking microphone.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Yeah, like this.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

And then Jack Sparrow gets Yeah, and you're like, fuck. Like, ah, I laugh too quickly. Yes, I'm done. I prematurely, yeah, it's some of you are just too good. I had a girl tell me once, uh, it's pretty funny. She was like, ah, you're like, you know, sometimes I find when the lights are off, you your hands don't go in the right places.

SPEAKER_03 32:51

And I was like, I don't know where everything is.

SPEAKER_04 32:53

I was like, lady, lady, once a month I can't find the fucking light switch in the dark that's in the same spot every fucking time. Your body is a fucking foreign being to me that's moving around in the darkness. My light switch doesn't move, and I can't fucking find that. So I'm patting the walls and shit sometimes trying to find it in the middle of the night. You got no fucking chance. Yeah, fucking also two. Fucking dudes are easier may come, so get fucked.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

Way easier.

SPEAKER_04 33:26

Yeah, it's one motion, it's this. That it's just fucking that with any sort of pressure on it, it doesn't matter. You could literally go like this for a long enough, and I reckon I would fucking squirt some of them out. Um we've got another one. Uh should have really categorized these. Oh, this is a dangerous one now.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Why?

SPEAKER_04 33:50

Because of who sent it or No, because there's so many of them.

SPEAKER_03 33:54

Um you don't have any. Uh not that I can not that I've organized, I'll do it for the next one.

SPEAKER_04 34:02

Stay with us, ladies and gentlemen. Um scat man. Skibbity.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

Skibbity. This is incredible listening.

SPEAKER_04 34:15

I know, you're you've got a vent, mate. I'm I'm fucking what what are you looking for? Voice note, which is fucking I was in a conversation with this person. Oh, so it's back up. There's tons of them. And they're not marked. Yeah. And then someone's like, you should mac and mark and I can you can't. I'm not gonna find this one. It's way too deep. Um, all right, alright, hang on, hang on, hang on.

SPEAKER_03 34:39

Yeah, that was the other thing too about the open relationship stuff. I think that it I again being so insecure, I would never look at the the side of it that goes like, oh, I get to like fuck other women or whatever. It would just be like she wants to and gets to, yeah, and that would just ruin it. Like I we'd be done. We'd be done straight away. If I was like a super handsome dude, wouldn't matter. Honestly, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't matter if I was super good looking and thought I could get anyone I wanted, that wouldn't matter. The fact is, this person that I'm in a relationship, and let's assume that you love this person too, the person that you're in a relationship and that you love wants to be with other people. Yeah, that's that's all it comes down to. Like, oh, she wants to and maybe she you can accept that, like, oh no, she loves me and she's attracted to me, but she wants to go and fuck other people. Like, all right, well, that's not what a marriage is, and yeah, I can't do it.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

That yeah, would break my heart. Anyway, we've got another one. I could find this one. This one was easy.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Hey guys, it's Caitlin from Juno, Alaska. I have a quick question. What are your guys' opinions on people having cameras set up in their homes?

SPEAKER_03 35:45

We've got two of them set up in Todd's home right now. Yeah, it's true, but they leave with us though. You guys's what are you guys' opinions?

SPEAKER_04 35:53

Guys's. Um, I think it's very strange now that there is people like, oh, look what happened, this funny thing in my house. And you're like, why is there three different camera angles in your home? And it's not even like uh this was staged, it was like the cat was like scratching the couch or this or that or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

It's it's cutting to different angles as well. Yeah, you're like, fuck me.

SPEAKER_04 36:14

Like, how hard is it to be a robber now?

SPEAKER_03 36:18

Yeah, I think that is the main problem for me. I don't I I think like you're making it you're well, you're making it very difficult for people to do honest burglaries now. So I don't Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:27

I I have um this this story still cracks me up. So when I was in Canada, I worked with a dude and he's like, I got a story for you. And I was like, Bring it on. He's like, We got a puppy maybe about four weeks ago, and I was like, sick. And he's like, We got a puppy cam. And I was like, what the fuck's a puppy cam? And he's like, it's a it's a camera you have in your house set up so you can see what the dog's up to, like a puppy. And I was like, huh, makes sense. And he was like, I finished work early one day and I was by myself, and I was like, okay. He was like, No, I was by myself at home before my missus got home, and I was like, Okay. He was playing with his dick. Yeah. So he was sitting down on the couch with his shorts down and just on the couch, just yeah, yeah, which is weird. Very weird. So going to town on himself, and uh his missus at work was like, Hey guys, do you want to see my new puppy? So what happened was she she was like the I don't know what she was at the the the company, but she had people higher up than her that were going to see this. She literally started the the video and got called away to do something, hand the phone over to her boss, who's a dude, yeah, and was like looking at the puppy, he's like, Oh, that's cute. He saw, like, it wasn't like a full footage of fucking him just beating his dick off. He could see that there was legs on the couch and the like his shorts around his ankles, essentially. Yeah. And he was like, Oh shit. Same age, same age as hold on, hold on.

SPEAKER_03 38:28

Was was this dude at home beating it and the puppies there as well? I think the puppy was fucking weird.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

I think the puppy was off frame, just like making eye contact with a puppy while he's bashing. That is so fucked.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

Go into another room, you fucking miscreate.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

I'm pretty sure his missus goes like, oh, that's just James on the couch, right? So she didn't pay attention because it's not really in her yeah, you know. So another dude sees it and he's just like, this guy's beating his dick. She so he had the phone in his hand, the boss had the phone, he's watching this. You could just see the legs, yeah. Right? He messaged off her phone, hey, it's blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah's boss.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 39:13

Stop beating your dick. She's rounding up all the troops to come see the puppy. She's giving me the phone and the the the work phones called or something, and she's had to jump on that. He's like, Stop jerking off right now. And he said, The funniest part was she, so he moves his legs and like obviously stops and blah blah blah. Yeah, she so the boss has to tell fucking and just be like, hey, seeing they're all similar age, so it was all fine. Like, I would have been like mid to late 20s at the time. So dude act, like great work, just you know, looking out for um, but he said the the boss saying the funniest part was when he was like, dude, stop beating your dick, you know, and you could just see his legs like move from the couch and like out of frame. But yeah, um, that is a funny one.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

It's there's a lot of problems with that though, but beating your dick while the dog is right there, doing it on the couch. Yeah, I had a girlfriend that I used, she moved in with me, and she she used to ask where I put it.

SPEAKER_04 40:19

What?

SPEAKER_03 40:20

She was like, Where do you put it? Like, where does it go? And I was like, Do you know what? I'm never telling you. I never did. Every now and again, she just be like, she was like, Where did where do you where do you put it? Where do you do it? Where do you put it? I was like, don't worry about it. It's not none of your concern.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

It is, yeah, it is. What gets me though, and I've I've never been this person, and I genuinely uh am This means he is, but I'm confused by this dudes who just blast themselves all over their stomach.

SPEAKER_03 40:53

Yeah, no, that's disgusting. It's so fucking gross. It is pure I want nothing to do with it once it's out of me. It's get it get that fucking shit away. I do it off the balcony.

SPEAKER_04 41:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh maybe that's why he was doing in front of the dog. But yeah, it's it is like I've had girls to be like, I'm just gonna finish yourself on your stomach, and I'm like, No, you're not no, you're absolutely not doing that. That's fucking that's gross. Um, no, it's it I credit to women who and men who take that stuff with open arms and mouths. Uh, but it's it is as you said, once it literally leaves my body, I'm vital. I will yeah, hazmat suit. I treat it like I've got covet. Yeah. I'm putting on a mask and shit. Yeah, it's oh it's disgusting. That is gross. Well, on that note, I reckon we finish up this episode.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:45

Uh thank you, Jesson, and thank you, Caitlin. Oh, yeah, thanks for those messages. They were quite good. Legends. Um, we'll see you guys next week.