Ep 17 Pigeon Holed Podcast - Gout

Welcome to episode 17 of the Pigeon Holed Podcast - The boys discuss World War 3, their issues with the Fall Out series, The Book of Eli, joining the Army, the medical industry, Davids son going to hospital when he was baby, hotel shenanigans, Taits Gout adventures, voice notes and much more.


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Dave and Tait

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

We back podcast in.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Never mind all that. Wa the World War Three. Seen it? Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Concerned about it? Um for like two minutes and then I'm like, fuck it. Like, what can I do?

SPEAKER_00 0:17

The problem I find is that you watch like a reel of like Tel Aviv being bombed, and you're like, holy shit. And then you look for more and it's like, I've seen this one. It loses its impact really quickly.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

It is so strange how like are we gonna see World War III in our lifetime? We're seeing it now.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

So that's just what it is. Well, isn't the thing? It's like World War Three, it's like it's two countries fighting.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Well sort of three, I guess. I mean, either way, it's not really it's not affecting us.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

It is once because Iran's getting in on it now, and they've got nuclear weapons. That's the only thing that sort of Yeah, but everyone has them. Yeah, but you know.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

No, but this is my thing, like every everyone's got them, and everyone's like, oh, we're worried about so and so and so and so. Like, but but it's just one person uses them, it's over for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

That's what I mean. That's the scary part.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Yeah, but that's why nobody's gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

But we can dream. Um it's it'd be so weird. Like, I'm not built for a a zombie apocalypse. Or not even zombies. I mean just uh post-apocalyptic world, I meant to say.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Yeah, in what way? I mean you're not built for it. Like mentally, you don't think you'd have the fortitude to survive in a wasteland?

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Nah, I like sleeping in my bed.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

I like to think that I could, because uh, you know, you play like Fallout and stuff like that, or you and you watch the TV saying, like, yeah, me, but then no, I know I'd be shit. That's okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

We were talking about this, so maybe this was just my opinion on that Fallout movie that the lead The series. The series, the lead chicks too attractive.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Because like they're all, and maybe that's what it's supposed to be, but like she would have been horrible things would have happened to her within the first.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

As soon as she stepped out of that bunker, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

It's like, oh my god, this is the oh god, they're on me. Yeah, oh god, they're everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Like there's one scene Bonnie Blue, and the thing is, I was fucked I was kind of it. There was a scene where she like goes past this rickety old house and there's a dude who looks like he's never seen another human being before, and now suddenly he's looking at like what you could argue is probably the most beautiful thing on the fucking planet. Um she's hot, but it's like I thought something horrible was gonna happen in that scene. I thought that was the point of it.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Just drank her water, yeah. Yeah, that was it.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Like uh took all her water, but then I I guess that's you know, things got to a point where they've moved beyond that. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Nah, raping's still raping. That's still top of the list in those times. I would say it was a great movie, it's Book of Eli.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Dude, I was about to say, I don't know, I beat you to it. Because Mila Kunis is unbelievably beautiful in that movie.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Yeah, she's in that, yeah. Mum's blind. Yeah. She's in that. And then you find out it's the Bible, and you're like, what?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

But also as well, you find out that he's he's blind, and then if you re-watch it, but if you re-watch it, it there's so many brilliant subtleties in that movie. Like he goes to walk up a flight of steps and he kicks it first before he puts his foot down. He's blind, or like he he puts his hand out to like you know when he's going to- Are you sure he's blind? Are you kidding me? You are kidding me, aren't you? No, yes, you're not.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

I never never know. So hang on, I'm gonna fucking look this up.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Oh get fucked. There's no way. Are you serious?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

How the fuck is he so good at stuff?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I just thought someone Because he's guided by the Lord, that's the whole point. Think about the book of Eli when he uh when he presents the the King James Bible. It's in Braille, you fucking donor.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

I just thought he liked he knew how to read Braille.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Dude, no fucking way. Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_01 3:54

He's he blind. Yes, character Eli in the movie Book of Eli is. That was the whole point of the film. Well, they didn't do it enough for me. It was too subtle. Well done. I did you watch the whole thing? I don't know if I've actually seen the end to be fair. Um he was blind all along.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Ah, you're shitting with me. Uh that's not yeah, anyway.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

No, I I genuinely didn't know he was blind. Makes it more impressive now.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

That's fucking crazy. Anyway, the best.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Oh, that's why he didn't have sex with Mila Coonas. Yeah, he didn't know how hot she was. Yeah. That's why that makes sense now. Oh yeah, because he she gets offered up to him. He's like, nah, don't worry about it, I'm cool.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

No, it's because he is it no, the whole point is that he's pure. Nope.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

He's this he can't see shit. He doesn't know how hot she is. I mean, there is that too.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

He didn't know how hot she was. But it it was it was also that like he was being guided and driven. No, he isn't. He is. He should be.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yeah, that would have been so you wouldn't have to watch those fucking films. The other dude's blind, the Asian guy in the fourth one.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

I don't know if I've seen the fourth one.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

It's like the first, second, and third one, to be fair.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Yeah, he kills a lot of people. Shoots people in the head like eight times more than he actually needs to. Yeah, brilliant.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

I did hear um uh what are they called? Fucking like American top, you know, soldiers.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Like Marines or something.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah, whatever they call. There's like so many of those fucking ones, Delta Force and all that shit. They're like, oh we we we'll always shoot him twice in the head. Why? The the the whole thing was, why not? It's like I know a hundred that 110% he's dead. I know that the first shot probably they're dead, but I know a hundred and ten percent that they're dead. I don't have to worry about if some freak anomaly where that person didn't die and then they shot me in the back or shot my other people. That's that's why they do it.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Have you seen Zero Dark 3?

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Uh it sounds like another bunch of blind people.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

No, when they raid uh bin Laden's house and they and they get bin Laden. You the granddaughter.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

So I did stand up uh two weeks ago and Osama bin Laden's Bin Laden, bin Laden's granddaughter was in the crowd.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Is that not insane, folks? That is crazy. Osama bin Laden's granddaughter.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

What's crazy is how many times you've mispronounced his name differently in the last Mishnama Glimbava.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Yeah, Osama bin Laden's granddaughter was in the crowd at a comedy show that I did, which is insane. And I got to end the show and it was fun because I went up there and I was like, Hey, are you Osama Bin Laden's granddaughter? And she was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, on behalf of absolutely everybody in this room, I really hope you love the fucking show. And got a big laugh, and I was like, Everybody, give her a round of applause. Because she is Osama Bin Laden's grandma.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Um how is how is she like she was cute, yeah? No, no. I mean, how how is she uh able to sort of be around, I guess? Like, is it is wouldn't she be so protected?

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Like it as she dates a comedian in the first scene, yeah. Who? I don't know his name, sorry, mate. Um the newish guy. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Anyway, my point with Zero Dark 30 was if you watch that movie when they raid the house, they every time they shoot someone, like somebody else will just come by and shoot them a couple of times as well. And I was like, I wonder how much of that is never forget. I know I I wonder how much of it is like um, you know, you have to have fired your weapon maybe on this thing. Or if it's like uh okay, we've all we've all shot him, you know what I mean? Like it wasn't one person that did it, yeah, like we've all done it.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

I did hear, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Because my friend was um he well, yeah, he's definitely not in there anymore, but he was in the British Army and he didn't like he got into some firefights, but it did these are secondhand stories, I I presume this is true. But he said he got into some uh firefights in the past and he said that there would there would be people in his whatever they call it when you're in a fucking squadron? Yeah, I guess his squadron or whatever in his gang. Murder gang. But he said that they'd be in a firefight, and some of them wouldn't fire their weapons during the firefight, but they would have like a uh you know, I guess like an inventory or whatever at the end of it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They would just fire them into the air so that they could say that they'd all fire the because otherwise you'd be like, why didn't you fire your weapon?

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

And he was like, There's genuinely nothing to fire at, like safely, because you don't know what you're, you know, so much is going on. Like, I don't want to just fucking hit random people. So you just sort of take cover and go. I don't know how much of that is true, but with when he said that you if you get back and you haven't fired your weapon and you're in a firefight that you might get in trouble for it. I was like, Well, that kind of makes sense. It's like you, you know, you didn't do your job, you're a soldier, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yeah, how much money would it be for you to join the army now?

SPEAKER_00 9:06

I mean, at any time, I I just I thought about it when I was younger and I didn't know you know when you just worry about like how you're gonna fucking survive in the world money-wise and all the rest of it. So very young, I was like, I want to be in the army because I figured everyone could do that, but then I heard that they hold your testicles and make you cough, and I was like, You're not touching my nuts, that's gay. Yeah, yeah. So I didn't you don't make me cough. Yeah, so I didn't do that, but also it did the yeah, the whole fucking thing terrified me. But join uh I don't know if there's an amount. I don't know if you could give me an amount, especially being like a fucking parent as well. But yeah, I don't know. Is there an amount that you would join for? You could say like 60 bucks. It had to be like I guess if you told me three million, right? And you only have to be in for like a year, yeah, and then you're out, and that's fine. But then yeah, I guess like where are you going and what you what you're doing?

SPEAKER_01 9:58

That's my thing. Like, what happens? Like, all of a sudden am I going to Iran?

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah, do I have to shoot fucking Iranians?

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Yeah. Can I stab them? No. Um, no, I d I I don't think there's an uh amount of money. I I am in the the side of I do think it's very noble. Yes, people who go into the army and stuff like that. I do think I do too.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

I know it's important.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, yeah. And it's it's it's you know I don't want to do it. Yeah, like good on you. I personally believe that every person in Australia who works as in the defence force, um police officers, firefighters, and paramedics, as well as doctors and nurses, should all be exempt from tax.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Yeah, oh yeah, for sure. But not only that, they should also get like, you know, I think if you medals. Well, no, but you like if you if you uh gonna buy a house, for example, like it should be fucking half price for you.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're horrible jobs, and we can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

I don't know if they're horrible jobs, but like they definitely go through Imagine being a doctor, you're a GP, right?

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Uh, and an 89-year-old woman comes in and she's like, There's a problem with my vagina.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Like, well, I quit today. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah. Someone's doing that. But no, then they go to a gynecologist, and then it serves you right for becoming a gynecologist because you're a creep. Yeah, like your thing was like, I want to look at vaginas all of the time. Like, dude, that's too much. Yeah, so you deserve that 90-year-old woman coming in going, there's warts on this thing, can you fix it? But like paramedics, like all of like my my sister, your brother, but my my sister-in-law, uh, they're they're paramedics. Like, fucking think of the shit that they don't even tell us about because it becomes normal. Like going to like a car crash and having to cut someone out. And I mean, I know the fire department did that, but like have having to like be there right at the that fucking moment when someone's about to die or whatever. Like, fuck me, man. It's such a that's a crazy job to be doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Imagine just hearing someone's death rattle.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Yeah, and then seeing it here and then just being like, do I want Subway for lunch?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Yeah, which you would eventually. That would be the you know, you would have to separate. I remember my friend said that uh who he was a surgeon, um, which not like uh, you know, just a I think he was a spinal surgeon, maybe, but he said that he was looking at what's the the the nonchalant at the start of that.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

No surgeon, not like that, just a spinal one, but anyway.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

No, but I think like uh in my mind, like you you kind of have like patients that that come to you and you go through all the like it's not like you know you just have to get thrown in at the deep end of some of the measures, oh how do I fix this?

SPEAKER_01 12:36

But he was he knows what's happening, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

But he even he said that um he he became a GP afterwards because he said he couldn't deal with it. But he said that he had to separate people and stop thinking of them as people, he would have to think of them as problems that needed to be solved. So it took like the I guess I don't know. I guess you I guess that's how you take the emotion out of it, and I guess that's why as well. I always thought that I would be terrible at those types of jobs, not least of all because I'm a fucking moron, but like to have to separate how you feel about stuff. Like I see it with my wife, she's a vet, and she's cracking cats in the head with hammers or something. Yeah, just fucking that one's going. Yeah, um, but no, but they they do, they separate the themselves from the from the job, I think. And then you stop thinking of them as like oh this cute little cat or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

It's like a nurses are just like yeah, yeah, they're just like man, it's another another person. Like it's just uh, I'll get you through. You just yep, I know you're in pain, everyone's in pain. Fucking I gotta take you to the toilet because you need to take a shit.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Dude, I was on a a children's ward. Um, my son had uh he got a burn on his bum from the shower, right? Oh, and uh he was a but he was a baby. Okay, like he was like eight months old. My basically what happened was we lived rurally, and the water in the pipes was way hotter because it was summer. Um and the water came through the shower at a certain temperature. My wife thought it was safe to bring him in, and then the water got really, really hot really quickly, scalded his bum because it's baby skin as well, so it's easier to do that. Um, but anyway, we went to the uh the children's ward, and when I say it fucking destroyed me just being in that on that ward, because these kids that uh it was I think it was a yeah, it was a burn specialist ward. So these kids had like some of them had proper yeah, and they're they're young, they're young, young kids, and these nurses are amazing. They're like it's they're upbeat and they're walking around entertaining and doing. I was like, I I wanted to cry, and my son was fine, he had a little blister on his bum. The the only reason that we were there is because you had to change the dressing every time he put it, and he was in nappies as well, so there was a high infection risk, yeah, but that that was it. Some of these kids have got burns all over their bodies, like their faces are fucking melting off, and these nurses are just doing their thing, they're just doing their job because it's their job, and I just could not do that job.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yeah, it's brutal. And we need them, we need them, and we make it hard for them other aspects.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

How the fuck did we get onto this? What happened?

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Hating kids. I don't know. Tax? Oh army. And then I went through the tax.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Oh, yeah, you asked me how much there'd be in the army. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

On a lighter note, let's get a fucking voice note going.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

See what's going on this little date and uh David. I really like your podcast. Uh I've got the travel question for you. Uh how and do you can you recommend any uh discreet ways to masturbate in a guest room or in a house? Uh very nice people I'm staying with. Uh they're both 88 years old. Um, but it is a one-bedroom, and so uh everything's exposed. And uh I'm finding that um it is incredibly hard to get hard, but also uh have you ever had a soft wank in a house? I'd like to know. Your recommendations would be much more appreciated right now.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Well, take this is 100% your area of expertise.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

So well, well, well, you've come to the master. Um next 40 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Gather round, yeah. Welcome to this feature-length episode of the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Well, if you're in the same room, you're probably gonna have to assert dominance.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

It's the only way that you'd be able to do it. You know what I mean? You'd have to take control and be like, I am now the king of this castle.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Yeah, and I will come where I want.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

This fucking cum lathered castle. Um, with stalather.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Dude, I still can't believe that fucking dude doing it on the couch with the dog in the room. That is so grim. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Callback to the last episode.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Was that the last episode? I can't remember when that was.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Yeah, the last one. Um probably a month ago, I don't know. Anyway.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Uh yeah, that's it's always a weird one though. Like, obviously, you as a like I was literally talking about this to my housemate last night. As a fucking adult, or just as a man, I reckon one of the most consistent things most consistent things you do is once you start jerking off, it's in your life forever. Even if you do it once a year. Yeah, it's still you are doing that more than seeing uh certain friends that you lose contact with, you know, there's all things that change throughout your life, and you're like, Yeah, I still come, you know what I mean? Up to a certain age, and then I think you just don't. And when is the age where people stop fucking just jizzing?

SPEAKER_00 17:26

See, that is weird because I again like we were talking the other week about how when you're saying you're like 15 and you look at like a 30-year-old and you go, like, that is so fucking old. 30 years old, you're at the height of it still, yeah. Like you're fucking constantly, you're coming constantly. When, yeah, when does it fall off? I think like the need, well, I think the need for it has has definitely my my desire for it has definitely gone downhill.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Well, I guess you would like guess everyone's different, but but it's still very much there.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

I just mean like it's not you know like previous relations, even the relationship that I'm I'm in, to be honest. Like it it was there was a point when it was like every day. No, and then it you know eventually kind of falls down. But it it also goes through like little peaks and troughs when you realize like, oh, we haven't really done this that much lately. Uh we then you get back into it.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Fucking, yeah, it is very, very strange that sort of I guess it's just I guess it's just a time thing, isn't it? Because you find if you go on, like, let's say that your your son wasn't around and you went on holidays or something like that. You're like, and we'd just have more time.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

But is it even like and you're like, it's a hotel, someone's gonna clean up my cum.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Yeah, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:43

It is I don't know. Ah, that would be the worst thing about working at a hostel uh hotel, I reckon. Because you know that like 50% of couples that are coming in there you reckon it's that low? But no, like that as at its absolute lowest. But my thing was gonna be 50% of them have done gross, gross like more than usual. You know what I mean? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's come in the toaster, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

You know, and there's like I'm like I'm I'm I'm going to Sydney in a couple of days.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

It's gonna come in the toaster.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

I'm gonna come everywhere, probably, just because why not? What else am I gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 19:19

That's the thing, you're like, fuck, I've got I've got so much time on my hands. Um, you're like, well, it might as well be my dick in it.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

It it it is very weird, I must admit. I don't know why. Yeah, and you just revert back to like certain levels of like being young when you're like by myself. It's like when some people, when they're they don't have anything to do, they just sleep. Yeah, you just naturally revert back to like, well, I guess I'm gonna sleep, I guess. As which I've never got. People don't stare out the windows and stuff like that and just daydream and think about stuff. They're literally like, I'm gonna go to bed. You're like, Are you a chicken?

SPEAKER_00 19:57

I can go to bed whenever I want.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

So if you were on like a train and you're like, we've got a three-hour train journey, would you go like I'm just gonna get to depends.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

Like, I could, yeah. I'm probably gonna want to watch that.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Yeah, well that's that yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

I just and if I'm with someone as well, like I like if you and I are going to fucking Adelaide on the Southern Express or whatever it is, like probably gonna want to talk to you about it and look out the window and stuff. But if I'm completely by myself, maybe it's nighttime or something, yeah. I'll sleep easy.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Oh yeah, that nighttime makes sense, but nighttime because you can't see shit. Yeah, I snore my dick off, so I always think to myself, you have to be the man who stays awake because no one else is gonna be able to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Yeah, that's very considerate of you.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Thank you. I find it insane when people have like sort of no regard for other people in that yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Yeah, I I fucking genuinely hated the days of being in the hostel and then the next morning people like fuck you snored so loud last night. And I'm like, listen, if I could hold my breath for eight hours, I wish.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Yeah, I would, but like I have no other option. Like I have to sleep at some point, you understand? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Or you get like drunk and then you're just like, you know, you fucking you. Does that make it oh sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even like people that don't snore snore when they're um which is it's funny. But I had like I had quite bad sleep apnea probably a couple of years ago. I was a lot heavier.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Yeah, I remember you were getting one of those machines, weren't you? Did you get one?

SPEAKER_01 21:36

No, I would looked into it, but it was like five grand. They were like, You gotta go to a sleep specialist, and I'm like, I got this covered. Like, I don't know. I'm fine. Um and they were like, Yeah, it takes four months to go to see a sleep specialist. And I was like, wait, so the doctor told me that this is like quite a big deal and I should sort this out. Yeah, but then you're telling me it takes four to five months to see a sleep specialist?

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Is it a result of being because this this is when you were heavier, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Is sleep apnea a thing that you get out when you're heavier?

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Yeah, because you just got fat, more fat around you. So it's everywhere. So you got like obviously fat on your neck, which pushes into like your body throat, I guess. But then also you have a fatty chest.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

So it's the pressure.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Yeah, it's it everything just gets munched together. Um there are plenty of fit of people that I think it's also some people get into such a deep sleep that all their muscles like just go to sleep and it it just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Yeah, because I was gonna say my father-in-law has it, and he's not a big guy at all.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Yeah, he's just one of the it always got me when like thin people snored. Because it's just another one. Like my I've always slept better when I've been thinner. Yeah. Um, because it's just less fat. Um but I also get gout as well. You do get gout. Yeah. That's crazy. I am I'm a king, a king from the 1600s. Yeah. Um, yeah, when I first got that, it was the most it was the weirdest thing. Like I just woke up one morning with like my foot was like felt like someone had twisted it at night, and I was like, what the fuck? And I just left it, went away after a couple of days. I'm like, that's strange. I did think that it could be gout.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Yeah, I wouldn't even until meeting you, I didn't know that one people today got gout.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

And two, I just I didn't know what it was. I think I in my mind it it was like the discoloration of a foot. I thought gout was like uh um it's gangrene, frostbite and gangrene type thing. No, genuinely in my mind that's what it was. Because then you said about it, and I was just like, the fuck? Yeah, we've been camping out in the like what the fuck's happening?

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Did you leave your window open? Yeah, no, I get gout, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

It's a but it's a blood thing, isn't it? It's uh well no, what do you got? Uric acid.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Uric acid buildup. Everyone's got uric acid in them, yeah, and then if it gets over like 0.5 or some bullshit, it genuinely feels like your blood's turned into crystals. And it's just like everything is just like And what makes it do that?

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Like what makes the uric acid levels for me? Yeah, or is it different for everyone?

SPEAKER_01 24:21

It's different for everyone. Some people like I can't eat like red peppers or onions or like tomatoes and uh citrus or acidic food. Um, I get it if by diet shit. Um, but it's usually got to be like a mix of like oily food. It was alcohol as well, wasn't it? For you? Uh not really. I I don't really drink I well, it could be, but I don't really drink that much to be fair. Okay. Um, but a lot of people do get it through alcohol. That's the main one. Yeah. Um I get it through just poor diet of which is even worse, I think. Um poor diet of it's usually oily food and a lack of water. So I started to get gout, remember, when you were visiting. Yeah. And I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Because I remember you said that you'd taken like this medication and then it cleared up like pretty much the next day.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

And then we went back to eating KFC and shit. Um, but yeah, it's it's not fun. If you suffer from gout, put a little frostbite emoji in the comments. Um, I'm just gonna pause you. And we'll make fun of you.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Yeah, leave a frostbite emoji and then I'll leave a fire emoji and they should balance out, I reckon.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

It's fucking brutal gout. It's like there's not much. Sorry. Um there's not much you can really do. So like you can take preventative stuff or like when you have an attack, uh, as we call it in the biz.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Um I found a good way to avoid it is living in the in 2025 and just being part of the modern society.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

That's like, you know, some people just suffer from rare disorders and I'm one of them. I am disabled.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

How?

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Of gout. How?

SPEAKER_00 26:03

I don't well how's that disabled? Of gout. What disability do you get that just goes away? A limp.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

I have a limp, I have limpitis.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Can you park anywhere?

SPEAKER_01 26:14

I have to park close when I get gout.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Can you though? Can you park in a disabled bay?

SPEAKER_01 26:19

I mean anyone can.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

If they're limp enough. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Yeah, it's been all right, let's do a another little uh no fucking voice note.

SPEAKER_04 26:31

Hang on, let me find the uh thing. Hey guys, it's Benny from Tassie. Got a problem that I need help with. Just started a new job and someone's eating my lunch in the star fridge. What should I do?

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Interesting, Benny.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Someone's eating your lunch in the star fridge. Well, you could murder them or really assert your dominance.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Are you labeling your food? Benny. Because if you're not, you should label it. Label, you know, sandwich, and then they'll know what they're getting.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Um exactly what they're what's in the sandwich. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

I don't know. Uh I've I've I've never had this before. I've never had this problem before ever. Like workplace and stuff, and and you know, people with housemates, like, oh, so-and-so's eating my this and drinking my that. Or maybe I just don't pay enough attention or didn't pay enough attention to like, you know, what the levels were in the milk, for example. I wouldn't have really known. I suppose if they're eating your whole fucking lunch. I mean, that's a psycho move. That's the thing. Like, if you're going to work and you're going into the fridge and eating an entire thing of something and not wondering whose it is or caring, you're a psychopath.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

So have you ever seen the movie Van Wilder?

SPEAKER_00 27:50

No.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Um He jerks off a bulldog into like these cream buns. Yeah. I reckon you should do that. Because if it's your f if it if that's your food.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

You can do whatever you want to it. Well, I mean, jerking off a dog, you're probably getting in trouble. I guess you probably need a legitimate reason to jerk off an animal.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Yeah, you're making food.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Yeah, I guess. It's a special source. Um, you could do that, Benny. Ben Wilder it.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Maybe don't maybe don't do that though, but I mean, put poison in it.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Yeah. It's your food.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Yeah. I wanted to kill myself today. Someone else fucking made me do it.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Get that little mushroom risotto.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Uh I think I'd get violent, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

I'd be pretty, I'd be pretty fucking angry.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

If especially it sorry, I I did listen, but was that like a recurring thing? Did he say that?

SPEAKER_01 28:45

He said he started a new job.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

And someone had been eating his lunch. So you'd assume that it's been multiple times.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

Yeah, if someone if someone ate my lunch like a few days on the trot, to be honest, one day would be enough, I'd get an axe. But a few days, no, I'm getting really.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

I'd put a handgun in there wrapped in glad rat. I'd be like, Have at it, cunt, eat it. Um, no. I once lived in a house share in England and I went to use the microwave one day and there was a full fish in there. Nice. Like a full fish. Like just full fish. Not gutted or anything, and not ready for it. It was just had it been frozen and it was just throwing out in the microwave.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

That's pretty grim.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

And I was like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 29:27

That was pretty fucking disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

This is also the same lady who assured me that we lived in it was just me and her. Oh yeah. And she had a five-year-old son called Jason. She gaslit you. Who screamed at night and No, there's no one here.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Yeah, and then he would just Because didn't you like come down to breakfast one morning and he was like sat there, you're like, What the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, This isn't mine. Um, yeah, it was brutal. I was like, what the fuck? And I was like, who is that? She was like, that's my son. And I'm like, I asked you if we had any other people that lived here. He used to scream at night terrifyingly. It was brutal. And I thought the place was haunted. Um and finally, after like two weeks or something ridiculous of not seeing this little bastard, I know you guys are thinking, like, how do you live in the same house? And not it was one of these weird houses where everyone stayed in their own rooms 95% of the time. Um I don't I she must have had a fridge in her room or something, like or a cooker or something. Or a kid. She had a kid in there. And yeah, it was it was crazy. It was genuinely like you thought I was never gonna figure this out? But she was it was this Da Vinci code.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

She wasn't trying to hide it though, was she? She wasn't trying to hide as in like she wasn't supposed to have him there. Is that what it was?

SPEAKER_01 30:45

Or but she she was hiding it from me because I asked, is there anyone else who lives in the house? Yeah. And then she was like, No, no, just it would be you and I.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

Well, maybe she didn't consider the boy to be like another, you know, person coming and going and cooking and all this sort of stuff. So she was like, Well, that doesn't count.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Yeah, true. Either way, she was fucking weirdo. Um, there was a baby at a comedy show two weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Yeah, there was one I was at. Which one was that? Was that the same one?

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Why do fucking why do people do it?

SPEAKER_01 31:17

I I still have a joke that I didn't say on the spot and I'm so annoyed. Because I was gonna say um because the the baby was like cooing and making sounds when I was on stage. And I was like, don't do it, like don't say anything. Um it was like a hundred people there too. But I in the moment did think I was like going like, Oh, is that can I hear a baby? Like, what is happening here? And then someone Shim would probably be like, Yeah, sorry. I'd be like, Oh fuck, you're gonna hate our next special guest, Arj Barker. So, but I didn't because it had been probably six months ago.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Yeah, too long.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Most people But I reckon some would have got it.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Um, Arj Barker is an American comedian that lives in Australia, and a lady decided to bring her newborn baby to a show, and then when he politely said, Hey, sorry, there can't be a baby in here, it's crying and making noise. She was highly offended and ended up going on TV and making this big fucking deal about it. And I was like, Hey, dumb cunt, don't bring a baby to a fucking comedy show. Yeah, and then everyone was like, Oh, it's so rude that the comedian, you dumb fuck.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

Why is it like all almost all of these events are always listed as 18 and over? Yeah. So, like, how how do you think it doesn't apply to bringing a fucking baby? It's not like for kids, obviously, you don't want a 10-year-old in there listening to some of the shit that we're talking about. We also don't want them in there because they can't fucking sit still a lot of the time and have no filter, like they'll just be loud. Um, what's going on? Like, shut up. This you're ruining the colour.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

It's a glory hole, you know. I honestly think that child should be taken away from her. She's not gonna be, she is not going to be a good parent. Yeah, she's gonna be like, here's too nice, go play on the road. What can happen?

SPEAKER_00 33:06

I felt bad because uh Jethro was at that gig, wasn't he?

SPEAKER_01 33:09

That we were oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

So he told me at another gig that we did recently, it came up about the baby being there, and I was like, I was so because I I was closing that show, I think. Yeah, and I knew that they were there and I'd seen it around, and even when I got there, I was like, who the fuck brings a better? Like, I was annoyed about it.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

It was a baby baby too, in a baby. Baby baby, yeah, little carrying.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

And I was so annoyed about it, I was like, This is so fucking stupid. Like, who the fuck does this? Blah blah blah. And then at this next gear, Jethro was uh like that that that the guy with the babies like he loved your set, he just kept like trying to pop in to like listen to more of it, and he was he told me afterwards, like he loved your comedy. I was like, that's nice, he's still a fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Yeah, it was such a weird move to have a baby there.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

Yeah, that's I I mean, look, I I didn't take my son to fucking restaurants or anything for ages because I was like, I don't want him to ruin everyone else's time. That's we went to the cinema, and I was like, you have to sit in your seat if you get up and run around like the rest of these fucking little cunts, we're going.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Yeah, it's I like my mates bring their children. Obviously, you're gonna bring your children to restaurants and stuff like that. Just think's totally fine. Yeah, but sometimes they're literally screaming their dicks off. And that my my biggest thing isn't like I I don't really mind too much about it. You do your thing, you're a kid, you're you're being a child. Yeah, yeah. You can't change anything. You could be like, please sit there, yeah. It's not the kids. Yeah, but my biggest thing these days is just this is a bit of a weird one, but it is genuinely hard for some people to go out cost of living and stuff like that. If that is your one opportunity for like three, four, five, six months to go out and have a nice meal. My friends are lucky enough that they make good money and they work hard. That's they deserve to go to restaurants and stuff. But sometimes when their kids are being little shits, then it's like, hey, instead of being in this conversation, go tell them to shut up because I can see their faces over there. And I am one of those people who naturally sit down and just watch people and see what's going on, and like you know, and I just think to myself, like, they're gonna walk away going like these parents ruined my experience tonight, but you don't give a fuck because you don't get to leave the house much, and this is your time, so everyone else has to deal with your children.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

But also, if you're bringing the kids to a restaurant, like I think the important part is to to show them how to behave when you're there, like how to eat at a table, how like we were saying a couple of weeks ago about how you know when you've got um kids in the car or whatever, and they've got their their iPads or their switches or whatever, like not at a dinner table, but not even at a especially not at a restaurant because everyone's there together, like it's a it's it's supposed to be like oh, we sit and talk and enjoy each other's company and stuff, everyone's on their phones and stuff. It's fucking shit.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Yeah, they we I think now they've just gone to the opposite end of the spectrum to be like we'll just have stuff at our house, yeah, or someone else's house, and then your kids do what they want, don't scream, yell, fucking.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

I think it's important that they they go to restaurants and pubs and bars and stuff too. Like, I do think kids need to see it and learn how to be in that situation. I genuinely do, but also you can't just yeah, like sit down with like four of your mates that everyone's got kids, and they just run off and do their own thing and they're fucking throwing pool cues and shit around, like, fuck me, man.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

I think one of the the biggest things, and I've said this to my mates before, I'm like, you guys have multiple children and you're around other children all the time. You now uh just that that's constant noise in your head. Become desensitized to it. Like you just naturally hear these little unless they're screaming bloody murder, then you'll be like, ah, you know, I've got to intervene. But it's just like you're so desensitized to this now that you really, really need to be like watching and being like, oh fuck, they're annoying those people over there. Shit. Yeah, come over here. What are you doing? Stop running, you know, all that sort of stuff. But this is the thing, I can't say any of that stuff because oh you just hate children. So it's like, no, I just didn't.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Oh, yeah, also kinda, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they are shit. You only like them because you've got them.

SPEAKER_01 37:25

Yeah, yeah, you only like your children, yeah. Yeah, it is it's funny as a dude that doesn't have kids, and probably like women go through the same thing, you can't say anything at all about other people's children, even if they were genuinely doing something wrong, you're like, Oh, you just don't get it. I'm like, he picked up a rock and thrill to that kid.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Yeah, I get that that's fucking stupid. Yeah, but how do I not get it?

SPEAKER_01 37:46

Yeah, yeah, it's I I I do love that all my friends have had children and stuff like that. It's fantastic and have partners, and I I I honestly think they're they're great parents, but as you said, it's the desensitization to that sort of shit. Yeah, it's like ah it's just kids, and it's just like, yeah, I get their kids, you're in charge of them, you fucking gong. Get over there.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

My my big one was the cinema because I think I'm I'm really aware of how expensive it is as well. And you do get kids that like stand on their chairs and like they're looking back or they're throwing stuff or whatever, and they're only like four or five or whatever, that's fine, but like, and you took them because you wanted to do something fun with them, sure. But like all these people here have paid to see this fucking film, and they want to see this film, that's why they're here. They didn't just come and do this for the sake of doing it, and you're ruining it for them.

SPEAKER_01 38:37

Yeah, it's never the kids' fault. No, like kids will do dumb shit because they're children.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

I've done I do dumb shit as an adult, but the difference is But you tell them to sit the fuck down or we're leaving, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

That's it. My I grew up with my mum and dad would be like, and you'd be like, fuck, what did I do? Don't do that, don't throw that, don't do this, yeah, get out of the way. And I don't think I'm a horrible human that much.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

I don't I don't I don't think it it hurts at all. I also think as well, like you sort of teach your kid early and then they start seeing it, and and like my my son fucking hates seeing kids running around. He's nine, he calls them little Timmies. Like if he sees little kids like running around, like running away, he's like, ah, little fucking Timmy's as in South Park? I don't know. I didn't I still don't really know what the thing is. It might have been something else that he's seen because he's never seen South Park. Yeah, but Timmy's is like for him, it's a collective noun for little kids making too much noise. We were at a campsite once, and he was like, I kind of want to go over play on that. They had one of those big bouncy pillow cushiony things. He goes, I kind of want to go over and play on that, but like there's so many little Timmies, and I was like, I'll I'll come with you then and then explain Timmy's to me. But he didn't, he just went, little Timmies, look at them, they're everywhere. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

It's funny. All right, folks, that's it for another. Thanks so much. Please keep sending in those um voice notes, messages of support, money. If you want to sponsor us, go nuts, unless you're you know affiliated with Israel. Uh Israel, are they the bad ones? Uh to some people, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

They are the bad ones, aren't they? Actually, they're the ones that that everyone collectively hates now. Is that right?

SPEAKER_01 40:27

They seem to be the one bullying everyone. But uh yeah. Someone's gotta do it. All right, folks. Um like and subscribe. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

That's the like icon.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

This is the subscribe one.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

I don't really know. You don't have to like or subscribe, don't worry about it. Do you do your thing? Fucking do what you can't.