The Neurodiversity Conversation New Moms Aren’t Having with Kalista Boundy (Part 2)

Kalista’s story didn’t start with motherhood.

It started years earlier — with testing out of high school at 13, cycling through bursts of brilliance and burnout, and quietly wondering why consistency always felt just out of reach.

From the outside, she looked capable.
Gifted.
Independent.

But underneath, there was a persistent pattern: overwhelm, exhaustion, and the feeling of “I should be able to handle this.”

It wasn’t until early motherhood that everything intensified.

In Part 2 of her story, we fast forward to life during COVID, pregnancy, and the early months with her daughter — where the invisible weight of executive dysfunction became impossible to ignore.

We talk about:

Why the newborn stage can expose undiagnosed ADHD

The specific kind of overwhelm that feels relentless and bodily — not just “busy”

The shame of struggling with daily tasks that “should” be manageable

How motherhood can amplify executive function gaps

What changed after therapy, diagnosis, and ADHD-informed support

And the power of lowering expectations without lowering self-worth

This episode is especially for new moms who are:

Drowning in the day-to-day details

Wondering why basic routines feel disproportionately hard

Quietly asking, “Why does this seem easier for everyone else?”

Trying to “tough it out” because that’s what motherhood is supposed to look like

Sometimes postpartum struggle isn’t just hormones.
Sometimes it’s years of overcompensating finally catching up.

A diagnosis didn’t fix everything.
But it gave Kalista language, context, and permission:

Permission to ask for help.
Permission to simplify.
Permission to stop trying to function like a robot.

Motherhood didn’t break her.

It revealed what had always been there — and gave her the clarity to finally work with her brain instead of against it.

If you’re in early motherhood and something feels heavier than it should… this conversation might help you see yourself differently.

Not failing.
Not weak.
Not incapable.

Just unsupported in ways that now — finally — make sense.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So Calista, thank you so much for joining me today to talk about like your story and your journey at Beyond the Mind. Like it's so important to us to make sure that every individual is seen and understood, and you know, really has agency and the best opportunities to reach their own potential. And I feel like your story is one that oh gosh, um I know from the research I've done that so many people will be able to relate to. And uh you know, hopefully for those who might find some commonality from your story and their experiences, it might lead to them just getting a chance to get a better understanding of themselves, and you know, some of the some of that understanding can lead to like tools, resources to support, you know, as they continue life. And so um I'm gonna I'm gonna have you introduce yourself, but you know, say like I I got to hear your story because we're in the same um AHD coaching group. I have AHD and we've met up before in person um for in-person meetings, and it was just such a delight to to hear your uh story, especially because I think in some ways it follows some common patterns that we see, but it also breaks stigmas in different ways of uh what these like hidden struggles can look like. So um, yeah, if you could just like introduce yourself, uh, you know, just tell the audience a little bit about you, and um, then we'll just continue on talking about your your early memories of struggling in school. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Okay, great. Yeah, thank you for having me. I loved our previous conversations uh on ADHD and motherhood and the whole school system and everything. And so I'm happy to come on and talk a little bit more about my experience because I always want to share anything that could, you know, be helpful to anyone else or interesting or help them understand themselves and kind of what to do moving forward. Um, so yeah, my name is Callista. I have a three and a half year old daughter. Um I had her kind of during COVID, um, in between breaks in my education, and I'm currently going back to school, back to community college to finish the prerequisites to major in biology. Um a little bit more about like my educational background. I started um having some issues in school when I was younger, around like middle school age. And so I ended up transferring to a charter school, an online school, and then I tested out of high school when I was 13 and started community college. Um finished my AA degree, but then to just been a little all over the place.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Um my gosh, actually, I I don't think I got that piece from our last call. You tested out of high school at 13.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Yeah, so I took something called the California high school proficiency exam, which allows you to um, it's basically the equivalent of a high school diploma like a GED, but it's only valid in California. And so you can take it either at I think 16 years of age or after one semester of 10th grade, whichever comes first. And so through some of my previous um schooling with like the online school, I was able to skip a grade. Um, and so that's how I was able to take it when I was a little bit younger.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Wow. Okay, so um we were just talking about how you started noticing some of your struggles, you know, around this time frame, though. You were like you said 12 or 13, and um it sounds like those led to at least having good conversations with your family. Uh I'm super curious, like when I hear you talking about um your I guess awareness of it, and you just seem to have a lot more awareness than I think I had at 12 or 13. That um yeah, so can you uh yeah, can you talk a little bit about that? Like um how did you know that this like what you were experiencing wasn't what everybody was experiencing, or did it even matter? Like how did you know this just normal?

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Yeah, I mean, I don't think it really mattered to me. I think what was different, I mean, I just I knew that my struggles like with school weren't because I was unmotivated, even though that's what it I think it might have looked like or appeared like. Like I knew that there was something just with how the system was structured that was just like not aligned, um, I guess with the way my brain worked, even though I wouldn't have like phrased it then that way then. Um, and then I I was just I think able to make those changes earlier on because like yeah, even though my family like didn't know like what was going on exactly, like my mom especially was like very supportive and just figuring out like what would work for me. And so her and I were both kind of researching, like, okay, what are other options? Um and that led to yeah, her pulling me out of just my regular um junior high and transferring me first to the charter school, then the online school, and then finally figuring out how I could test out. Because it was like, okay, we just knew like I was not going to make it through, you know, several more years um of the public school system. But I knew I wanted to continue all of my education and like do something. So it was like trying to figure out like, okay, how can we make this happen?

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Yeah, so I'm curious what was your experience at the charter school? Because most charter schools that I researched when my kids were younger, um, it seemed to me like they had a lot more of like a hands-on, what is it like an aesthetic learning type approach? You know, like you learn as you're doing. So I guess yeah, what was your experience of it?

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Yeah, so this one, it was called the Circle of Independent Learning in Fremont, California. I'm not sure what they're currently doing. Um, and so the structure was like a little bit different. So they had you could meet with a teacher like once every week or two. Um, and you could kind of choose your own curriculum, choose some of your own classes and take it home to work on it at home. Um, and then you'd come back um to go go over what you've done. Um, I'm sure still doing some standardized testing and everything. And they, I think, had some other extracurriculars and like classes and things you can enroll in, but I mostly just did that, did my work on my own, and then came and met with the teachers every couple of weeks.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Okay. Interesting. Um so you it wasn't a big social environment then, like you weren't surrounded by a lot of kids your age, it sounds like, even though it was a charter school program.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

No, I mean, there were definitely like some more opportunities for that if you if you wanted to, but it wasn't like a daily thing. And like the couple of times, like my mom and I like went to these events, I was kind of like, okay, like nothing wrong. I mean, it probably would have been good for me to get some more social interaction, but it just didn't really feel like an an environment I'd kind of fit in with. So I just kind of did my work and that was it.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Got it. Got it. Okay, that that um kind of answers a question that was in my head of like later on, how did you feel comfortable giving up the social environment to finish school early? But you said from the charter school, you then went to an online school. And did you you just find something else that was a better fit?

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Yeah, so I think there was a little bit of a consistent pattern of me kind of initially being more excited and motivated by um, you know, the new program, the new teacher, the new curriculum, and really getting ahead. Um, and then as time kind of went on, um, just being less interested in that. I also definitely got frustrated because I I went through like all the junior high and then like sort of ninth grade curriculum really quickly. And I also tested um they they do some placement testing for like math and English. And I think I tested into like ninth, no tenth grade math and then like post-high school for English. And uh the teacher kind of joked, like, oh ha ha, well, just because you did that doesn't mean that like you can just skip to that grade and like skip to college. And I kind of remember thinking, like, well, well, why not? Like uh, why can't I do that? Um, and so it got to the point where I was doing high school level curriculum, but I was not going to get credit for that. I was still like enrolled in seventh grade.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Okay. Um I'm kind of picturing you like just kind of sitting down, doing your work and not struggling while you're actually doing the schoolwork, but am I wrong there? Like what what was it was it a struggle when you just like tried to focus and sit and do your work?

SPEAKER_00 9:49

Or not not at that point in time. Um, no, the the level of schoolwork I was at. Like if once I actually sat down and did everything, I was I was able to get through it on my own pretty easily. Um prior to that in the public school, I was um at the point where we had cap we had common core math, which I've seen different varieties of. Whatever I switched to later on was fine, but the version they had at just my standard public school, it was just it was just a very odd curriculum. And so at that point, I was failing math, which that had never happened to me before. Um, and so that was also a big push to kind of find something different because I was like, it's not normal for me. Like I'm having such a hard time with math. And then once I I switched to the charter school where I was able to um do a different curriculum, um, then I was able to yeah, get through middle school math and then get through algebra totally fine.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Okay, okay. Um broader than the studying, like what what were there struggles? What was there something that kind of was stand standing out to you now that I'm like that you're like, oh, these were missigns that I I don't know just was different or you know, didn't I dunno. Something that just made you was there anything that stood out when you look back now that now you can see it was like, oh yeah, that was my ADHD. That was because of my ADHD.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Well, I think just all those persistent feelings of like not ever quite being able to accomplish accomplish as much as I knew that I was capable of.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

So then you kind of go down that route of like, oh, well, am I just lazy or do I just need to try harder? Like, what's going on? Like, I don't, I don't understand what's going on. Um, and then also definitely that like initial excitement of like, okay, changing schools, changing curriculums, and having that really like high initial motivation, but then that kind of weaning off as time went on.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Um and yeah, that well, I I just could really relate to that, you know, like this surge of like excitement and drive, and then something meeting your potential, but I think not quite knowing where it falls off, you know, and um I'm sure like I'm sure there's so many factors for that, but like at least in my life, like now I know like I have to find ways to add variety and excitement and things in to sometimes somebody else's curriculum because it just it like the excitement doesn't hold, you know, it's like the excitement doesn't hold up, and then it's like then it's hard to engage if you're like well yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

And knowing what I know now, and I think also explaining more to my mom, I'm like, if we had both known like what we know now, and like maybe I could have made one of those other things work, whether it was like the charter school or the online school. I think I was already so done with just the traditional public school. I'm not sure if I would have made it through that, but like one of those alternative schools, I think I I might have been able to go through and complete high school. Um, but instead of jumping around quite so much, but it it ended up working out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

I love that you're calling that out because I mean, just me hearing it, you know, as I shared with you as a parent, and I'm seeing it with my son. I'm like, gosh, um, if we continue going down this route, it just seems to me like it's gonna be a waste of his time and his potential because he's such a voracious learner, but really hates school, you know. And I don't know. So I'm I'm glad you're speaking to it because I think like already by hearing your story, like I'm giving like I'm hearing what your mom did for you, and I'm giving myself permission to do something different as I like look forward for my child, you know, and so it's like just already having an impact right here in our conversation, you know, and so helpful. Um, because you you're speaking to when you're younger, and you it sounds to me like you're you were just very clear, like this is not working for me, you know, this and this isn't a route that you wanted to keep investing in, um, in that path. And so then you got to um finish high school early, and then and then what happened?

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Um, yeah, so and I'm glad that that's resonating with you a little bit. And um, I think just kind of knowing what your options are, and like, yeah, also just knowing that like it's not necessarily always a problem with you or your kid, like sometimes like the way our school system is structured, like just doesn't work very well for everyone, and it really sucks that it just like kills that like natural like love of learning that I think everyone has. Um, so it's yeah, it's it's a good thing that you know we have other options and um yeah be aware of that.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Yeah. Um I've never met anyone in a situation like yours. So I just met a few people who like took these alternative routes that were like, I know I wish I would have done the traditional route. Like, who doesn't end looking back at it that way? So I guess so you said as you f when you finished and you were 13, you started community college right away. Was that was that right? Yeah, so I started community. So I imagine you like you know didn't have other 13-year-olds with you in community college. And yeah, sorry, go ahead. You're we're gonna talk through that, but that's what stood out in my mind is what was that like?

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah. Um, so I I think I knew I wanted to like continue on with my education anyways. Um, but since I didn't have all the credits from high school, um I was like, okay, the next logical step is just you know enrolling in our like local community college. And I think just the way that I interacted with people and then like appearance-wise, like I kind of looked the same as I do now. So like no one really knew quite how young I was. Like I would, you know, tell people when it would come up in conversation, and then they was like, oh my gosh, okay, um, like how's that possible? Yeah. Um, because you know, you get a lot of like 15, 16, 17 year olds that are doing dual enrollment, but like, you know, 13, 14, that was a little bit younger. Um, but I think I kind of blended in with, yeah, either those like dual enrollment kids, because we had we had those at our school, some of those at our school, or the kids that were like 18 fresh out of high school. Um, the kids now that I'm in, you know, community college and like as an adult being way older, you're like, oh my gosh, you're babies. Like I kind of just blended in with all of that.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

That makes sense. And it kind of seems to me like um, just as I'm hearing you talk about that experience, you know, that you had like a really high level of emotional maturity for that age, you know, because like you're talking about things like self-awareness and future planning and thinking and like simply not wanting to waste your time on a video game or you know, something useless, like you wanted to be like tapping into your potential. So I'm I'm assuming you had the emotional maturity that I'm assuming that you had at that time kind of bridge some gaps of just age differences, you know, when you were like relating to others.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Definitely, yeah. I mean, I think in certain times I mean internally was kind of a mess, but I was definitely able to like uh you know communicate well enough with other people. Um, and I and I did have some of those like long-term goals and things. So I just felt like college just was a much better fit for me. It didn't solve everything, um, but that that environment and the social environment and stuff was like much more aligned with where where I was at.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Okay. So yeah, just um I'm curious because between that phase and the next big life transition that I know you and I have talked about with you was when you had your daughter, but um was there anything in between that that you know those those big transitions that um just stood out to you as oh this was a struggle because I didn't quite know myself, you know, and how I was different.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Oh, well, like every almost every other semester I was dropping my classes, either all of them or some of them. So I would kind of oscillate between um definitely overloading my schedule a little bit and doing really well, getting mostly A's, a couple B's in my classes, um, to then um I think just getting kind of burnt out and just taking on way too much. And just I guess coming to the conclusion that like drop dropping everything was the way of dealing with that because one, I didn't want to mess up my GPA, which was kind of worth it. Um, there's definitely some instances where I'm like, I could have kept a couple of those classes. Um, and I think my mom didn't really know what was going on either, or kind of didn't advise me, like, okay, maybe, you know, maybe talk to your teachers, maybe talk to your counselors, maybe drop one or two classes, but not like all classes. Um, so that happened, but then I'd kind of just get back at it the next semester, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Yeah, it seems reasonable because I don't know if if I was in your shoes in that time, if I was thinking semester to semester, I would probably think maybe there's something different this semester, like maybe I'll get exposed to something different and that and sometimes it would work because I'd I'd then a little bit learn from that.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

I'd be like, okay, let me take a little bit of a lighter load this semester, and then of course, just having that like that new motivation and push to like start a new class. And like sometimes that would work and then be effective, and I'd be like, okay, this is great. And then I'd have the same thing come up again, and I would always have like a logical explanation of like, okay, one of the semesters I was taking, you know, two math classes, chemistry, anatomy, and physics, and then I was also participating in like a club, and so I just was like, okay, that I way overloaded myself and ended up dropping everything. And that like kind of made sense to people, but like I knew deep down that like even that course load, like I could have done it, like if I had been able to manage my time, like stay consistent, um, and not procrastinate until like halfway through the semester. And I was like, okay, there's no way I'm gonna learn all this material halfway through. But I was like, if I had stayed consistent from the beginning, like I like I could have done it.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

But you know, explaining that to people, most people are like, oh my gosh, that's like that's way too many classes. That makes sense that you know you had a hard time with that. Uh, you know, you just needed to take it a little bit easier. So that was kind of my explanation for that. And then another one of the semesters where I dropped all of my classes, um, or maybe like past one, um, was when my grandma, who I grew up with, was like a second parent to me. She was like diagnosed with cancer when she got really sick and passed away like within a year, under a year. Um, and so that was kind of my reasoning there. And obviously that was something that like of course was affecting me emotionally, just kind of having that going on and also not having a lot of that communicated to me of like what was going on. Um, and also feeling really guilty for not. Like being the one to like call and keep up with that relationship because they had moved away, had moved away to uh to Oregon, like when around the same time when I was like 13, 14. Um, so I wasn't quite as close with her by then. Um and so having that going on and everything, like I mean, again, it kind of it kind of made sense to people why they were like, okay, you were having a hard time then. And I'm like, that's true that that did make school and everything harder, but like that that wasn't why I you know my classes.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

That point that you're making, like I know I can relate to it so much, and I think part of this is like a little bit of just the struggle with like getting to the root cause, you know, because like you said, you could always find a reason, you know. And when when I look at like these past experiences in my life where there was hardship, there was always a reason I could point to, right? And then so that that means, and like you said, then you tried to work with the the logical reason of what that pointed to. And so you're like then trying to work on things and never trying to never find an opportunity to get to like what is the root cause of it, right? Because life's always changing, you know, and then it's like it it it feels to me like um because I I I have that same thought process, and I've been thinking a lot about how that thought process kept me from seeing like the true cause of some issues, you know, it's almost like like it minimized what might have been at the root issue and just gave me something else to look at and focus at. Um so it just it seems to me like it keeps us on this hamster wheel of like looking in a different direction because like we'll just you know, it's like if you look for a reason, you'll probably find one, you know, be like, well, this is probably it, this is probably it. Like, you know, there's just so many different factors going on around us. Like, and as someone who's like looking for improvement is looking for like what could be the factor in it, like I can see that your brain would naturally be like, oh, this could be it, this could be it, and then like keep trying to work with those, and especially with you know, um, these things that have big impacts on you, like your grandmother's passing. Of course, in any normal, like any would be one would be like, of course that would be hard. Of course, you would drop a semester, you know. Um, so I think, yeah, I just it's such an important call-out because it leads us, I think, astray to the root cause and that the fact that the pattern is continuing on, um, regardless of all these different scenarios that are changing around us.

unknown 24:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah, definitely. Because there's always going to be things you could point to, because just like as people, like there's constantly like you said, things changing, there's always going to be challenges. And so it's really easy to look at that and be like, okay, that's why I was having such a hard time. And sure, that contributed to it. Um, but it was like, okay, there's actually this like underlying piece that I'm just missing.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Um, yeah. So so yeah, take take me through life from there. Like I'm I'm um yeah, take take me through life there. Like you, you obviously um met someone, ended up getting married, like at the start of family, like take me through more of your life that kind of led to um yeah, just led to your daughter being born.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

Yeah, so after I mean, just continuing that cycle with school kind of on and off, um, eventually completing enough credits to like get my AA degree, um, and still just going through school slowly. I think finally settling just on like a lower course load.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Um I'm sorry, Clista. The the blowers and stuff are out here. I'm gonna move to another. I'll just pause it. I'm gonna move. Oh good. Yeah. I'm so frustrated because there's also oh my gosh, it's happening over here too. Can we do this? Because it's like it's like that on that side, on this side, uh, there's like nowhere I can go to get away from it. Can we continue this conversation as part of the part two reschedule? Yes, absolutely. Okay. And um, hopefully we can just yeah, finish it up real, real um quick after that. But um I'm just so fascinated by your learning. So I'm gonna stop recording. Okay.