The Voice Notes Podcast

Friendship Type

• Rymdklang Soundtracks • Season 1 • Episode 26

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In this episode of the Voice Notes podcast, a casual conversation takes place between hosts Janice, Lauren, and Nikki regarding the nuances of friendship dynamics. Inspired by a segment from Mel Robbins featuring guest Kaisley Killum, the group explores four specific social categories: butterflies, wildflowers, fireflies, and evergreens. They use these archetypes to identify their own social needs, ranging from a desire for constant deep connection to a preference for infrequent but meaningful interactions. The discussion emphasizes that recognizing these personality styles fosters better understanding and prevents friends from taking different communication habits personally. Ultimately, the hosts advocate for the use of voice notes as a tool that respects individual mental availability and busy schedules.

What type are you?

Enjoy!

~The VN Podcast XoXo

SPEAKER_00

Hey everyone, welcome to the Voicemails Podcast. I am Janice, your host, and with me are my co-hosts and besties, Lauren and Nikki. Each week, we bring you a relaxed chat with different takes on music, entertainment, fitness, and just all around life. So whether you're driving, you're at work, you're at the gym, or just lounging, let's get into it. We're gonna dive into friendships. This topic is coming out because um for all of you who know who Mel Robbins is, personally love her to death. Love her. Still in the book, Let Them Book, um, her Let Them Theory. Excellent read. It's excellent. Read, recommended to anybody who um is listening. So she came up on my Instagram feed and she had a guest, and the guest was talking about four different types of friendships, right? So you have the butterfly, which you think butterfly, you're gonna think social butterfly, right? Happy, go get her, just a true butterfly. Then you have the wildflower. The wildflower tends to stick to the side, be very observant, and just be comfortable with her people, his or her people. Then you have the firefly, the firefly who I'm trying to remember what the description was. Um, but the firefly, I believe, was someone who was just very inquisitive and just something related to the firefly, but we'll get back to that. Okay. The Evergreen, though, is the type of friend that appreciates deep conversations and deep conversations with those who they want to have deep conversations with. So in that recording or in that clip, you know, Mel Robin said, Well, why is it important to know like different friendship styles? And she said, Because when you know the type of friend you have, you are not going to get offended when things don't take place. Absolutely. You will not get offended. Which I absolutely love. Yeah, it hit me. Because you're no because you know what you're getting. Right. Yeah. So, like, she said, so And you're gonna be okay with it. Yeah, so that's who they are. Correct. So she's like, So let's say you have your circle of friends, and one of them is that type that they're just like kind of more on of that deep conversation, but you don't hear from them for a couple of days. Are you gonna get offended? No, you're not gonna get offended, it's just that they really just don't have anything to talk about. So I thought it was good to have us talk about this. Yeah, I love it. I have the description.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, go on it. Yeah, so it's Haisley Killian is the person that Mel had on there. I'm like, Butterfly, you thrive on frequent casual connections and love being socially active with a wide, varied circle of friends.

SPEAKER_00

Nikki.

SPEAKER_02

Hi Wallflower. Yes. You prefer selective, less frequent interactions. You tend to enjoy intimate one-on-one time over massive social gatherings. Then we have Firefly. You enjoy interactions that are infrequent but deeply meaningful. That's Brittany. Britney is giving hard. You might go a while without speaking, but you immediately pick up where you left off. Brittany.

SPEAKER_01

Can I just say real quick though? Somebody commented on this post and said, I'm a cactus, leave me the episode.

SPEAKER_05

The comments live in the comments. So funny true.

SPEAKER_02

Number four is the evergreen. You thrive on both frequent and deep connections. Yeah. You love maintaining constant and highly evolved, involved relationships with those closest to you. And Casey K Kazley Killum, because we want to make sure we said this right. Casey Killum was on Mel Robin's podcast recently talking about the four ones. So butterfly, wallflower, firefly, and I like the descriptions.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. We know who you are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I think I'm actually, yeah, I'm definitely a butterfly. You're definitely a butterfly. But I I also adapt to like whoever I'm with. Like I feel like I like am like a chameleon. I feel like that's a butterfly. Like they flit and they and they they enjoy the other. I'm like fascinated with it. I really do, I really do love it. But I'm definitely a butterfly.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you're definitely. Help which one do you think you are?

SPEAKER_02

Um, I would probably say firefly wallflower. I I would say something between that. Um I don't I get well, you guys have talked about this, like COVID taught me that I am truly an introvert, so I get very tired with social things, and it explains a few things in my life where I get like I need a day now, right? To understand like that. But I would say like I do like um collective post-frequent interactions. I do. I do like but I do pick up where it left off, you know, but also to interactions that are infrequent but deeply meaningful. Um that happens a lot. Like I I have like very close friends who I they just don't live here. Like they just don't like when we drop in. I mean, when you went to Australia, I told you that about Emma because she's an official friend of ours, and I was like, she's one of my closest friends that I talk to like once every two years. Yeah, honestly, and they live halfway around.

SPEAKER_03

But it's like no time pass, like you just pick up right where you left off. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think a wallflower firefly, um I just in we were talking about this before personalities. Um I have like a very like almost like a bullseye, like I have like close, and then I have the bullseye that keeps going out. Yes. And I think that's where the dialing off and dialing down the personality comes. Um yeah, like I would rather have like a deep meaningful conversation with you, know that it's always a safe space, know that we can always talk about things, know that like if you have a question, you know, ask type of things. But I don't need to take 3,000 photos of it and put you on Instagram. Maybe we do talk every day, I don't know. Um, I just I've read about interactions like that where you you have somebody I guess an evergreen person is like a constant contact person. I don't know, I'm definitely not that.

SPEAKER_03

But it's so funny how you guys are like that, but we do probably talk like every day. Well, that's where voice notes came from. Voice notes, yeah. It's so funny, like you guys aren't those type of people, and yeah, I know you're not gonna be able to do it. But think about it the preferred that we do probably before.

SPEAKER_02

But even day, but days will be like every day or every other day. Yeah, it's like I have days that go by and like I'm like, I hope everybody's okay, I'm okay, and like I'll talk to you.

SPEAKER_00

But this is why I love voice notes because it allows you the time to respond when you're ready. Right, also like you don't get this. And we do give each other space. And I know there are people out there that are very extrovert and they can be on the phone all the time and talk and talk. I can't. I can't.

SPEAKER_04

I'm not amazed.

SPEAKER_00

Can we text it? Can we talk about that for a second?

SPEAKER_03

You ever like in a store when you're an extrovert, but I don't want to talk about the damn phone. It's just damn on the phone. Because I do it for work. I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_04

No. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, I'm gonna be like, what are you talking about? I'm so fascinated with your headset. I have a whole day. Talking on the phone all day.

SPEAKER_05

I can't. No, I can't know what I'm gonna do. I can't listen and I did that in eighth grade. I can't.

SPEAKER_00

But back in the day you had no choice but to pack up a phone and you have somebody. Yeah, things are different now. Yeah, but when you long distance, you have to do it after a certain time, so it wouldn't be as expensive. But when you are in a job that is so taxing, like and only issues and problems and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The one thing you don't want now is having to leave work and have to get on a phone call with someone because someone's calling you. And no offense, if someone has called me after work hours, this does not mean anything, okay? Don't call me, it's okay. You call me, and now we're on the phone, and I'm like, I'm so exhausted. That's where the voice notes came into play. Yes, it did. I love voice notes. Send me a voice note. Anyone got this?

SPEAKER_04

I love it now. I love it now.

SPEAKER_02

The true statement, too. Um it came out of party planning, yes, yeah, for your anniversary. And it was like you brainstorming and being like, This is what I want, this is what I need, and then like you know, different things, and then it was too much to text, and it was we're not gonna call each other because we're all busy and working out exactly, and then that's where it really came from, and it was back and forth. And now I realize that voice notes are evolving for a lot of people. I know more and more people who are like, though, that's how I communicate. Yes, because our schedules are different, because time zones are what they are, because I just especially friends overseas, yeah. Like I did that, and then it's but there's no hard and fast rule as like when you listen to it. Yes, no, it's just like when you're available, when you're available, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I also believe in when you are mentally available. Yeah, because you could be going through that, yeah, whether it's different work, personal, whatever. It doesn't mean that that person doesn't want to talk to you, it's just that they mean mentally can't handle it at this time. Yeah, they just can't.

SPEAKER_03

So that's why I really want to be in a good headspace when you're listening to it so you can really listen to it, pay attention, and be present and be present with it. You know, you don't want to do it when you're angry, sad, like you know, upsleep or whatever, or really busy with other things and not give it the time and the justice that it deserves.

SPEAKER_01

So I have someone who sends me like nine-minute voice voicemails, and I will like text out responses as she's talking. I was like, because by the time you're done, I don't know when sometimes sometimes in the notes you'll be like, Oh, can you write can you send meats that I need to buy milk for? Like, you need to buy so like yeah, we call that actively responding. We do find down. I will answer all of your response while I listen.

SPEAKER_02

And we'd be like, itemized list of yes, this this is active response as you're listening. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

We've done that. Absolutely. So who are you, Brett? Which one are you? Oh, I'm definitely the fire bomb.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, when are you firefly? Yeah, yeah. I don't need to talk to people all the time. When my light is on, I'm shining, and then I turn it off. Everybody go home, leave me alone. I'll let you know when the lights back on, and we can have a conversation.

SPEAKER_02

But you know what's funny is that the butterfly and the firefly both fly around and do me too that like before.

SPEAKER_05

I know. I have a confession. Oh yeah. Yeah, I love when you whisper. I love waiting and she's leaning. Yeah, I have a confession. I've never seen you do this before. I have a confession. Yeah, she she she gets uh into a whisper and she leans because she's like the Lila.

SPEAKER_00

So it was very hard for me to accept that of you when I first met you because I thought you didn't like me, and that's why you sincerely did not want to say that to me.

SPEAKER_01

And I'm okay with that. Um because I'm not gonna change what I am. Okay. So sorry. I actually really liked you. This is why I wanted Freddie here for this.

SPEAKER_05

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04

This is why she means she's too bad for you. Two story.

SPEAKER_02

Nicky and I had a story years ago with somebody who shall remain nameless. And we were like, I don't know, prattling on and on about something we were doing with you, and this is before Scarlet was before, like, you know, a lot of things. Like, and they were like, Oh, you guys are friends, and like Nikki and I were like, Yeah, and they were like, Well, congratulations on cracking that code. And it was like the way they said it. Nick and I were like, We're like, and maybe that's why. She's one of that. And maybe they're playing, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so it was a long time. It's not neat. Have you heard from her? I'm like, I talk to her every day. I don't know about you. I don't know about you.

SPEAKER_01

She's just running me right now. I know. She just texted me. The bubble chat's on. I just don't need to be up people's butts. Yeah. I really don't, and I don't want you up buttons. No, I don't.

SPEAKER_00

But I got to know you, of course, and now it's like I'm good. And I love you so much. And it's like to me, I'm like, a month can go by and I won't talk to Brittany. And the minute I reach out to her or something comes to mind and we get into a conversation, it's like we, it was just like yesterday.

SPEAKER_01

There's people I see maybe once a year, once every two, three years, usually at one of Dan and Lauren's events. And I'm like, oh my goodness. And we pick up where we left off. Exactly. I don't, I don't even know if I have their number. But like, we just it's great. And then we part ways, and when I see them next time, I'll see what it's about. That's all that's the firefly.

SPEAKER_00

I think that's the firefly. We say the middle of us. That is the firefly. It's like you're so a fussy infrequent, intense conversation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

There's a same thing, mutual friend of ours that we only really ever see at a quiet party or something like that. We will pick up exactly where we left off. And when we randomly get an instance where we show up at the same place, which could be diametrically close, like it'd be like the most random group, and you'd be like, and like everything's like, oh my god, you're here, I'm here, great, we're together. But then we'll talk to her for I don't talk to her regularly. I see her maybe once a year, and that would be just yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Wait, wait, see her. Yeah, yeah, it's exactly what's she is like only see her at two events. Yeah. This is like you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I'm like, she is just amazing, but it's like you only see her like that once a year. She's like this, she's like with that.

SPEAKER_02

She like materializes and it's like all family and love. Hey!

SPEAKER_04

I know you. Yeah, and I like you.

SPEAKER_00

She's wonderful. This is my favorite. If Britney likes you, you've won. Oh, yes. If she doesn't like you, just don't bother. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And just don't like you.

SPEAKER_05

That's another thing.

SPEAKER_01

I actually think it's more it's more of a big deal if Nikki doesn't like you. Nicki doesn't like somebody.

SPEAKER_00

That is very true. And that's hard for Nikki. Like, it does.

SPEAKER_01

She does. And when she's like the biggest person, but it's so validated. Yeah. Nikki doesn't like the same person. I don't like them.

SPEAKER_04

I think exactly. Yes. It's like that double stamp of approval. Like, yes, you are. I knew I was right. Nikki don't even like you. And I'm like, yeah, I don't like them either, right?

SPEAKER_00

It wasn't just me. Thanks. I feel so validated. Well, I think I'm between wildflower and evergreen. Okay. Okay. I can see that. I'm all about deep conversations. Like one on one deep conversation. I really love that. I'm very inquisitive. Um, I'm nosy. Nosy in a good sense. Nosy because I want to learn. Yeah. Not nosy because I want to learn about know about your life.

SPEAKER_02

You're not asking for tea.

SPEAKER_00

You want like. I like very sincerely inquisitive about a person.

SPEAKER_02

Frequent deep connections. Love maintaining constant and highly involved. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00

So I need to have that type of deep engagement, right? So, like the other day I'm talking to Keen and I said, Keen, I said, one of my biggest goals, right, with this podcast, I said, one of the things I've always wanted is I wanted to interview a panel of men, right? And I want a panel of men of all ages. And I just want to ask them valid life questions. Like a man's point of view when it comes to starting things. Because I literally am that inquisitive. Yeah, I always remember you mentioned that before. That's on our list to do that. I've always, always been. So I like I want, you know, from like yet the young age to like, you know, an older man. Like, I just want to hear single married. Like, I want to get their point of view. So I'm a very deep conversation, just like inquisitive, like you sincerely going through something and you want to talk about it. Yeah, it's like I really like I really love that. But then at the same time, but then at the same time, dude, I I don't need I your face. And I'm very selective and I'm sorry. I know everybody has their likes, and you know, if you invite me to breakfast and I come out like with jogging pants and a tank top, like I'll feel comfortable in your presence. Absolutely. And but isn't that what you want when you have your friends over?

SPEAKER_01

You want everyone to be comfortable. I do. So if you do are comfortable wearing your sweatpants, wear your sweatpants. If you're comfortable in a bathing suit, wear your bathing suit. If we're comfortable in your in your wedding dress where you're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's all about accepting who the person is. Exactly. But I want to be comfortable in my environment, which is why I'm so specific and particular about who I let into my world and my circle, which is so, so, so small. And I'm okay with it. But this whole clip, it opened my eyes to I loved it. There are individuals who I know who I love to death who reach out to me all the time and they're very engaging, very top. And I'm like, I have to do a better job at doing the same thing. Like, let me initiate, right? But they're so like, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. And I'm like, oh my god, I want to stay home. Like, I'm just like a home person. Like, I'm introvert, like that.

SPEAKER_03

But that's also where the boundaries come in.

SPEAKER_00

But that's where the balance comes in. Noah's answer. So, yeah, no is an answer. But in front wouldn't be offended by that though. And this is what I love because they all understand me. So, what do we do? We pencil things in. I'm like, once a month, let's do it. But I can't do like every week. I can't I just can't. I just can't. I'm just not that type of person. I don't think that's balanced. You have to do it all the time with their own. I can't agree.

SPEAKER_02

And you have to look at um, you have to look at like your schedules. Like, are you comparing apples to apples and schedules? Like, I always tell people is like my life is different than a lot of my closest friends' lives. I don't have kids, like I, you know, whatever, like I work full-time. There's certain things, right? You have to look at like people's schedules, and also like the Jefferson Fisher, like you um have to look at the person and like accept them, like what you're dealing with. Like, this is this is the personality that I have, you know, this is the schedule I have. I mean, we have friends who are in different facets of their life, and it's just not realistic. Like, we're not gonna see each other every three weeks. Exactly. I promise you once a year, yeah, to be honest. And it's just what it is, but like if you can pick up where you left off and you still have like love and it's you know, no passive aggressive denial, then like just enjoy your time together.

SPEAKER_00

But that's the one thing that's the difference between women and men. Sure. Women get catty because when you don't connect or you don't keep in contact, it's a problem. They automatically assume that there's something wrong. Whereas men, they probably don't see each other for like six, seven months, and when they see each other, it's like all love. It's great, it's fantastic. So if you're that catty type, I can't I can't honestly deal with that. No, you've got to understand that I could be quiet for a month, I could be quiet for six months, you won't hear from me. But it's not because I have anything against you, it's just that's the type of person I am, which is why I love this clip. Because it explained the four different types of friendships, and I think once you understand it, you really get to know your friends.

SPEAKER_01

But when you're in your quiet mode, yeah, would you be mad if somebody kept checking in?

SPEAKER_00

No, I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01

Because I think that's important too. Like if I'm like I'm not always, it's very rare that I reach out.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

It's very rare I reach out. We know.

SPEAKER_01

But but if I know someone is a hub habitual reacher outer, yes, and they've gone quiet, I'd be like, You good? Yeah. If you're not good, do you need anything? Yeah, do you need assistance? Do you need help? Yeah, yeah. What's like if you didn't hear from me?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'd be like, Nicki, are you awake?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, exactly. Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping conversation? No, that is.

SPEAKER_03

Where have you went to a went dark and that's not normal? Yeah, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

Because you also do know your friends. Yeah, that's not normal for that friend. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

But some of those person have done that, it's probably normal for them and they're okay.

SPEAKER_00

But you know where I noticed that first? I noticed that on social media. Oh, yeah. When they when a person like they post, but then all of a sudden they're like not posting, that's weird. And to me, it's like a simple shout out like, are you okay? Everything okay? Um, because you have, but you know your friends, you know your friends that don't post. Yeah, exactly. You know, like I know Nikki. Yeah, I know. I know I can't rely on that. Even you, Brett. Yeah, I can't rely.

SPEAKER_01

I used to be a good poster when I was working because I would do like work content all the time. Right.

SPEAKER_03

And now I'm like, nah, like dolphins and tennis.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

I don't post a lot of that. So, but I just think it's important to know your friends. Absolutely. It reduces a lot of that friction that could take place, misunderstandings that could take place. Um, and I just left that clip. Yeah. That was very good. Yeah. So we all know each other.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And you can be at peace with yourself. Yep. Yeah. And you know, know who you are, know who your friends are, the real ones. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, so and like I said, not being offended if we're all different. Even I'm sure there's yeah, people in our category that are are very different with different types of the flower butterflies or even butterflies or whatever. Yeah, for sure. Their light is on more frequently than others. Yeah. So, like, even if you categorize with somebody, you're probably still there's levels to it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

So we want to go back to the beginning stages of all this and bring up officially that a Mr. Idris Elba is baby.

SPEAKER_04

And a DJ. Woo!

SPEAKER_02

He's so he's one of those ones that, like, if he was like, I'm gonna read you the phone book, I'd be like, we could start with double A. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He's very handy. He has that voice. It looks like he smells like mahogany, like a good cologne, like a good woody, a woody cologne.

SPEAKER_03

I'll sniff him. I love that visual. I love that visual cologne, you know. Yeah. Not like jupe.

SPEAKER_04

That is old school.

SPEAKER_02

I cannot to this day. Tommy Hilfiger, there's a Tommy Hilfiger smell that it sits at the back of my throat, and I'm like, like I'm like, from the 90s. From the 90s.

SPEAKER_05

So it's always in the in the stores, like the AeroPassel store. Do we spray this on you?

SPEAKER_02

No. But Idris, we don't have to worry about that. Idris Alba is a phenomenal actor, has been around for a really long time, was in the wire originally. Absolutely. Don't suggest you go watch it, please. If you do or you don't, it's 100% up to you. It's up to you. But he don't want to hear anything. No, he was um in that to begin with, but he's been so much other stuff.

SPEAKER_00

He was in one of the Fast and Furious was what? Yes, Hobbes. Hobbs and Shaw. He is Hobbs and Shaw. Um he is just and he also means utopia.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, lumin.

SPEAKER_03

If a whole task was a thing, absolutely 53 years how many kids? Oh, hotness. Oh, he was in Luther. I never saw that though. That was another show. Two children.

SPEAKER_00

Two children. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Uh Isan and Ray Ray's Ray's. Um, he is currently married, though, to Sabrina Elba since 2019. He has been married three times.

SPEAKER_01

He also apparently has a foot fetish. Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Does he? Toes?

SPEAKER_01

There was a whole there was Kate Winslett did a thing. Laura said your toes look great. Kate Winslett did a uh talk show, uh, The English guy, where they sit on the couch, Graham Norton.

SPEAKER_05

And uh Kate Winslett.

SPEAKER_01

She they had they had a movie about a plane crash, and she's like, you know, you do one of these scenes as one does, and he was just like, leave your socks on. And she's like, Oh, like I guess he doesn't I guess he doesn't want to see my big feet. Oh, and she goes, she goes, No, it's the opposite. He loves feet. Oh, he loves me! He loves feet!

SPEAKER_05

Okay, what's up? Oh my gosh, it's awesome.

SPEAKER_01

But what's a great interview if you haven't seen it? It was gonna have the YouTube.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you're right. And he was also in the office, right anybody watched the office. Yes. Remember, he was the boss for a little bit?

SPEAKER_03

And then no.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, you know.

SPEAKER_03

So we love the address of the week.

SPEAKER_00

And that's a wrap. Thank you so much for hanging out with us today. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone you know. Make sure to follow us on our Instagram page at the underscore voice notes podcast. And remember, voice notes are just podcasts with zero editing. See you next week.