A personal journey beyond the scale, Pt. 2 - Non-Scale Victories

In this episode Janice, Lauren and Nikki continue their discussion with Bekah on her weight loss journey while sharing their individual experiences.

If you have not listened to part one, we recommend listening to episode 28.

Enjoy!

~ The VN Podcast XoXo

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:14

Hey everyone, welcome to the Voice Notes Podcast. I am Janice, your host, and with me are my co-hosts and besties, Lauren and Nikki. Each week, we bring you a relaxed chat with different takes on music, entertainment, fitness, and just all around life. So whether you're driving, you're at work, you're at the gym, or just lounging, let's get into it.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

COVID was like this we have all have this really strange relationship with COVID, because COVID like offered this quiet that I don't think any of us knew we needed. Right? Yeah. Like all of a sudden you were like, like you said, like all of a sudden you're like, uh, like I'm so busy taking care of everybody else. And um, and I have had a long history of uh definitely orthorexia, like chasing different diets. I started training, I started training and I started working out lifting weights, which I'd never lifted weights before. And when the trainer I worked with saw my food diary, he was like, You are eating 860 calories a day, and he's like, You are completely and totally in starvation. So he's like, So I basically destroyed my metabolism. Oh, yeah, and I was like 40 pounds heavier. Oh, yeah. But the stripping back, it was a year of working out. I was training with them for a year, and I was like losing weight, and I have a horrible relationship with the scale. Horrible relationship with the scale.

SPEAKER_06 1:34

Like I had to hide it. Lauren doesn't um I don't weigh myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

She's not weigh yourself. I haven't told me she has told me this so many times. She told us all the time. She doesn't.

SPEAKER_05 1:44

And if we have to. If you have to for a metric, you do it and you have to move on. But what time you used to tell me? Oh, first thing in the morning. Yeah, as soon as you wake up. As soon as you wake up. Yeah. As soon as you wake up, yes, I agree. P weigh yourself, be done. Yeah, just be done with it. Put it away. Put away with it. And like, don't do it for because I told them that on the when I first started working with them. I was like, do it every day, too. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

We'll have you on the scale every day. Multiple times a day. Girly. Yeah, yeah. In high school. It was spiraling. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:14

We all did it.

unknown 2:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:16

First thing in the morning, once I one time a week, once every six weeks, if you have to. And then they had me do measurements. Because the first meeting I had with them, I was like, I knew I didn't know much, but I knew enough to be like, this will um send me into a complete spiral. And it was in the middle of COVID, so I didn't need any more things to spiral about.

SPEAKER_06 2:32

So they'll only do it when I uh get tested for my uh anemia. The doctor. Yeah, the doctor.

SPEAKER_05 2:36

And make sure they have a good scale.

SPEAKER_06 2:38

Every six months, yeah. Does it have a good scale? Yeah. Because the scale is in the scale, and then I you know, see if I'm good with my orange. Fine. That's fine. Use the azure metric because that will so you're point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:47

Um, and not I'm not like blasting anybody, but um, I can tell you that in the fourth grade I was put on um lean line. So I was took taken in the fourth grade. It was a um organized weight loss class. Oh it was like me and women, and they're like in fourth grade grade. How old are you in fourth grade? Like, aren't you 10? Nine? What are you nine? Eleven, twelve? So I get weighed in front of everybody and they would go through your dust. You're fourth grader. That sounds enough. Thank you. Fourth grade. You're not a teenager. You're really young. I went to ice capades. That's insane. Pack my own Oh ice capades. Ice capades, packed, packed my own seltzers and snacks because I could count all the calories.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 3:31

In the fourth grade. And that was after, you know, members of the family bought Slim Fast for me when I was in third grade and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Remember that Slim Fast was the thing. Do you remember fiber trim? Yes. The pills that you could get at your local pharmacy over there. Fiber trim, yeah. Fiber trim. Yeah. Because it would make you fuller so you wouldn't eat. But a line?

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Did you guys see a line? I never had a line.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

That was the probiotic, prebiotic, whatever it was, yeah. The only FDA approved over-the-counter that you can have. Oh. But whatever. Okay. Um, yeah, there's a lot of stuff out there. Uh fat burners, galore, the skinny teeth, and oh my gosh. I think I've tried them all when I worked at the few years.

SPEAKER_05 4:11

When I was 16 and worked at the Health Food Store at Fenterine.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Fenorine? Oh, Fenorine, yeah. Fenorine. I've done it. Black booty. These are diets and phones. Black beauties.

SPEAKER_05 4:19

Diets and pills. Adults in your life put black beauties in your bag and told you to take it before you went to school and you were in freshman year or high school.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

And here's my thing. So, and and I want to get into the mental health aspect of this stuff, right?

SPEAKER_05 4:29

Because don't do this to people.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Yeah. It's there. You, I admire people who never experience, like they live normally. They've never taken a fat burner in their life. It blows my mind. It blows my mind. You're regulating. And kudos to you people. I am not, I am not here, and I don't want to badmouth any of you. Kudos to you all because I don't know what that life is like.

SPEAKER_06 4:57

I'm not healthy, but I've never taken a fat burner pill.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

I'm just gonna let you know. I'm not healthy at all, but I've never taken a fat burner pill.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Never I wake up thinking about weight, all day long thinking about weight, all day long thinking about what is that person thinking of being. I'm in the room. That's my life. I used to every single day.

SPEAKER_06 5:17

How did you get over that?

SPEAKER_05 5:18

Six years. It's taking me six six six years. Is this still a process? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

Kudos to you for doing the bariatric surgery. I was almost there. Of course, it didn't happen. To anyone out there who is willing to help people who want help, you know, whether it's through bariatric surgery, whether it's through diet, whether it's through exercise, whether and even now the GLP wants. What kills me is the fact that all of this could be avoided if you grew up in a home that taught you body positivity. If you grew up in a culture because culturally too, you've got to look a certain way.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

You can just got to you get the surgery or you do lose the weight, it does not turn off the noise. Exactly. So it's a mental thing. Yeah. It's the thing. So there's a route to why these things are at the forefront of our minds. So it's like those layers. Sure. So it it's a very crazy thing because you just didn't have a household, like you said. Yeah. That had these healthy, you know, boundaries.

SPEAKER_05 6:35

I think it was the generation. Like, I'm not like it's a generation, but I don't want to like excuse or accuse because I I am in I am enamored of people when I watch people like same as like you, and I'm like, you've never thought about this a day in your life.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:50

Or we were at a business dinner with someone that Dan works with, and the um couple had their kids, and the daughters are just so freaking cute. They were just so cute. And they were like making bracelets, and then they were like, Can we get cake? And whatever they were like, I don't know, eight and ten or six and eight. And they just like, you know, they got like, and it was so the whole dinner, and they went to the the big the diner and they went and got the cake out of the diner and they're eating it, and then they were like, Oh, we're done, like at every mom's like, yeah, no worries. And we were we were leaving dinner, and Dan was like, Do you remember what it was like to eat like that and never worry about it? And I was really quiet, and I was like, and this is about I wasn't so what happened was I was training, I was training for a year, I was losing weight because I had done this before, I've been ups and down, whatever. And a year in, I was like, something's still really wrong. That's how I knew, and it was COVID too, so it was COVID and things like that, and that's why I ended up working, I started working with a therapist because I was like, something's really wrong. Like I should be happy because the whole like you're losing weight and you're not actually happy. So we were we were leaving dinner, and I looked at him and I was like, No, I don't know what that's like. No, I was like, I don't. I also am mesmerized at watching little girls do what little girls do, which is sit and enjoy dessert. Exactly. And I just left it at that. And I was like, I just sat do it and just giggled, and they and they and I told him, and I was like, and you're never gonna understand it. You're never gonna understand it. I was like, what the way I feel about it, but I just love and I love watching like any of the girls in our life, the young girls in our life, like eat 10 ice pops or do whatever they're gonna do. And like eat your MMs or like someone has a good appetite, it's the most satisfying thing. It just makes me happy like to see the three people and the women in my life who I'm very close with who have daughters raise their daughters to stop that. Yeah, the syndrome has not been replicated. Like the women I'm close with, every single one of them that have daughters who are these incredible girls. Like we would say, like these generations, this generation is doing it right because they have good parents. They broke that for them, and that's what we fight hard for is to break that. And I think the visceral reaction for us, I know for me, yeah, I have a visceral, violent reaction when I hear that, and I will come, I will come out of myself, and it's because of having to work on what happened. And uh when I got my ears repierced this year, therapist said, You're doing the things that the 16-year-old girl wanted to do. Yeah, but this time you love her, of course, and you showed up for her. And I was like, Yeah, I can't stop thinking about that. Yeah, that this is like what you're doing.

SPEAKER_06 9:20

I will come out too, and I've never even experienced that. My my mom and dad, I mean, we always like so talk about your relationship because you've always been a picky eater. I've been always a picky eater, and your dad's very, very my dad is my dad is very picky too, but he eats healthy, like he eats his vegetables and and fruits. He has two bananas every single morning.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Every single morning, and nobody's counting them.

SPEAKER_06 9:42

Yeah, nobody's counting them exactly. He's in the banana ones right now, like you know, sending me pictures of his like you know, bananas that we love like having even over there. So I've always been a picky eater, but I've never experienced what you guys had because I, you know, I've had I have my MMs, like I still have to this day, and that was even when I was little. I had my ice cream every, you know, um, you know, at night or whatever. So, but I still do not like that or appreciate that um when I see it with other people, even if I don't, even if I did not experience that, and thankfully I did not. Yeah, yeah, um, because I can't even imagine someone going through that, you know, and um living and living through that.

SPEAKER_05 10:26

Well, you get a warped sense of self, like yeah, you get a warp, a warp sense that your value is attached to your image. Oh, that's so big time.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

That is that is and society does treat you that way. Yeah, like it it thank you, it actually goes hand in hand. It's like I view myself less than if I'm not such in such a way, but also like the way people have treated me. Yeah, absolutely, and it's it's the most like it just blows my mind to see how people really move through this world like just like it's just like the size of clothes they're wearing.

SPEAKER_05 10:59

Yeah, when that night the first night, like this is gonna sound horrible. I don't like that. The first thing is people are like, You're really smart. Like, we've had this before. Like, I've had that a few times.

SPEAKER_06 11:07

You're like and the way they said and you talk well. Remember that?

SPEAKER_05 11:10

Yeah, remember that one?

SPEAKER_06 11:11

And I was like, I do remember. Remember talk? I I talk well. Well, full sentences with like grammatical, like uh uh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:22

Oh okay, thank you very much. I appreciate that. But it's like a weird silent shot at the fact that like you shouldn't be as smart as you are because of the way you look. Yeah. And then when you're heavier, and then people people you're just invisible because people just don't pay attention to you and they talk over. It's just it's uh it's such a dichotomy. It's it's a crazy thing. So all of a sudden you're like filling whatever the society's norm of you're supposed to look at, and like you, oh, she's a stunner, she's beautiful, whatever. Uh, you shouldn't be smart. Or hilarious. It's hilarious. You can't be right. Tell me about how I did it.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

I'm funnier than any man I've ever met. Absolutely. But yeah, it's always like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 12:01

You actually have sense.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Yes, I do. Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 12:04

Really strange reactions. It's more smiled. Thanks. It's just wild.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

All the character development I got while being ignored. Yeah, exactly. I was just taking notes. I've been watching you.

SPEAKER_06 12:15

Being very observant. People watching, I was like, oh. People watching, yes. What are y'all doing?

SPEAKER_03 12:20

Now that you've had this, now that it's been six years and you look phenomenal. I just want to tell you, you look phenomenal. And I know you put in hard work. That's that's the thing. I've known you and I know that you put in the hard work. What is your relationship with food now? Do you feel like it's um more of a positivity thing for you, or you still have that scary like you're scared to eat because you feel like you're gonna gain weight from it?

SPEAKER_01 12:47

I feel like I have days where I'm doing really well with my food relationship, but I think that's like a part of the healing process. I kind of went into it, like I said, to use it as a tool. I had a certain uh goal that was to be a healthier version of myself. And I think getting more energy, like focusing on like all the benefits that I've received from making such a big decision. I think I have days where I'm doing great. Uh I have days when I'm not doing so great where maybe like I don't know, I I'm bloated. Or I just like for some reason my pants are not fitting quite right. Yeah. Those days I might spiral a little bit, but I think it it comes and it goes. Yeah. You know, I have I have days where I I think that's also why I always loved cooking, but I think even more so it's become a very good outlet for me because I can make healthy meals taste delicious because I get bored very fast. Yeah. Um and it's food is such a unifier that I get to share meals with people, but also not feel like people are staring at what I put on my plate. So I I feel like I I have like a separate club and part of it was just to bring joy back in the past. That's right. So yeah, so it's really fun. It's been really fun. Me and my friend Devin do it together. Yeah, and the idea is to bring different groups together, and it's like no phone, like no one's on their phone. Yeah, everyone's just everyone's just talking, and it's different groups of people just connecting over a good meal and a good drink in a smaller setting. So it's been good. I think that kind of started over. I wanted to have these deep connection dishes like dinners, but also for my own food anxiety, like not it being like me obsessing over the calories. Yeah, just like and just enjoying it.

SPEAKER_05 14:32

Like you're not bringing the food. I was talking to Frenchman, like you're not bringing the food scale to the table for dinner. Like you're just going and you're having dinner and you're just spending time with people that you love, and that's it. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Yeah, I so the course of the last year and a half, so I had a regain in 2023, and then I was like, like I said, you drink your calories, I was drinking juices and stuff, and then I was like, why am I gaining weight? I'm not eating that much. I adjusted my beverages, okay, my coffees, everything, and and then I really focused on like activity. But um I think uh intuitive eating have become is become a very big for me.

SPEAKER_03 15:06

Intuitive is huge, yeah. Intuitive eating, what do you mean by much?

SPEAKER_01 15:10

It's so it's knowing how much I need to eat. Like I feel I'm full, and being okay with that, which is very scary if you're afraid of gaining weight.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Just realizing like what makes me feel good, how much is too much. Okay. And learning that has been a big game changer because, like, I said the surgery was a tool. And like some will be like, you shouldn't have that much fruit because of sugar. No, eat the fruit. Eat the fruit. Um, it's figuring out what works for me. Some things my body doesn't vibe with, so I won't eat that. And I I kind of navigate from there. Like, I used to drink coffee every day and now I hardly drink it. Because for me, I think it really doesn't work for my body.

SPEAKER_05 15:46

You know, and do you really click into like cortisol? Like the because I I bottle like cortisol spikes, and that's why I got like really bad inflammation, and and like it's super interesting because the it's a false gain. So basically, if you are under stress or if you're under like I have autoimmune stuff that I've always been dealing with, which is also like overactive immune system. So if the cortisol spikes in your body, it causes inflammation specifically around the midsection of the body. So you're not gaining weight, but it's like inflammation, so it's like water weight and it's like things like that. And one of the big things is like caffeine can be um a uh like exasperates it. Same thing, like I'm a big coffee person, but like more and more I'm like, I think I need to switch back to green tea because I'm and then my joints hurt, like my knees will hurt, and like you know, things like that, and it can be the correlation between um like the endocrine system too, which is like endocrine and your you know your hormones, and then the cortisol spikes, and then you're like, why do I feel like like my hands don't fit or whatever?

SPEAKER_03 16:42

And it's a it's a just a hormone that's in our body, it's natural. But when you're under stress, it multiplies like protections to the max. Yeah, and that causes that whole kind of weight influx, that whole bloating feeling, that whole inflammation in the body. Because inflammation that's a huge one, it's a huge one. It will put on weight like when I had all this stuff going on a couple of months ago, you know, with my family and stuff. I wasn't eating, but I gained so much weight, and that's because of the stress levels that I was in. It was crazy because when things got better, came right off, my body was like, okay, let it go. And I was like, that it's just crazy how much corners work. How hormonal is crazy.

SPEAKER_06 17:24

What we go through.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

It's so crazy.

SPEAKER_06 17:27

I have no clue.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

I will say to what you were saying about like my relationship food, I do think it's a lot better than it was. Oh, that's good. Um, I'm I'm very privileged to be able to have like a relationship with my mom where we can talk about like the trauma and like the the That's good, the really what I was upset about, what she actually meant. And you know, I always say like this was her first time being a parent too. Like that's huge.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

The mere fact that you can it's given ourselves that grace and space and say yes, because we don't know what our parents were, like our moms went through. I'm not gonna say my dad because it's different for men, even though men do go through this too. Sure, but we we don't know what our moms went through and the shame that they received that in turn that came to us. But then it goes to your point. Generationally, you have to stop that. Yeah, and that's like for me. Like, I have a daughter, and I can honestly say yes, love her, and I'm gonna tell you she's amazing, she's positive, she is gorgeous, she's a light. Even though at first I was a little bit like that, I'll admit it. I was a little bit like that. Really? But I had to check myself. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was a little bit like that. Because of how you were. I feel like I was projected. Like you need to do this, you can't eat this, you can't eat that. But then I changed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:44

You know, because we realized it's like her, and then you realize wait, when you watched Mad Men, because you're still watching Mad Men.

SPEAKER_03 18:48

Yeah, I'm almost done. Okay. I'm almost done. Such a good show.

SPEAKER_05 18:51

Oh, listen, yeah. We have almost done.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

They got me into it.

SPEAKER_05 18:54

Oh, is this like when I watched Mad Men the first time, I saw and started to understand why my mom, my aunt, my grandmother the way they were, yeah. Because of how Betty is. Betty Draper. Yes. Now Betty Draper is the embodiment. Yes. Let's talk about the generational. The generational, okay? You're right. Yes. And when you do the deep dive, Matthew Weiner, who's the creator, Matthew Weiner, there there are episodes where Matthew Matthew Weiner wrote it based on his experiences with his own mother. Yeah. So they have a scene when he they go on the clash trip, and like even um Don's second wife, Megan. Yeah. When you see how their relationship with food is okay, yes, that's the generation. Betty was raised in that generation and she was fat. I'm doing the air quotes. That's because she talks about it. And she's like, you know, she's like, oh, Sally's gonna be fat like me, right? Yeah. And you hear it, right? So what do they do? And like when she's pregnant with baby Jean, she's like only eating malvitose, right? And black coffee, and Dawn's like, would you please eat something that kid's gonna be two two pounds? Right. She's smoking cigarettes, like smoking. She never ate. You ever notice? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 19:56

He came home from work, cigarette and cigarette. Yeah. Suppress their appetite.

SPEAKER_05 19:59

Suppressed their own. That's why. That's why they did this. And then Megan, the same thing, he marries Megan, the kids are having breakfast, and she's like, oh, grapefruit and black coffee. That's what I was saying, the psychology. But so you, this is why when I was watching that show years ago, I remember like I was I was like, not that I excuse, I don't excuse it. Yeah. I'm not excusing behavior. Yeah. Because you can break stuff. Yeah. Because people have done it.

SPEAKER_06 20:19

But you kind of like just understand. But to Becca's point.

SPEAKER_05 20:22

So it's an acceptance of it. Exactly. To Becca's point, it's like, I a long time ago was like, you did what you thought was at the time. At the time. That was the time. That's what you thought, which you're supposed to do. And we, our generation came along, and I say this but a lot of things, our generation, the kids of the 90s, we were the ones that we were like the rage against the machine generation. You're like, you know, we're not gonna do that. You know what I'm not gonna do? I'm not doing that. No, we're not doing it. We we talked about us. Yeah, you know what I'm not doing. We're not that that we're not doing that. Exactly. And that was like that is a that's a cardinal strength in our generation. And I think we're we're watching it fall into the latter generations. And and it's listen, we have the scrapes, we have the scars, we have the bruises, we have all the stuff. But we can learn from that. We do it, right? And grow from that.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Exactly. But kind of funny to that point is um my mom will say, My quote is I do what I want. You? Yes. Oh yes, and I'm like, I wonder where I learned that from. But that was actually the She's like me? The funny thing about like loot, like my back and forth about getting a surgery, doing something about my weight, for a long time it was an act of rebellion for me.

SPEAKER_06 21:25

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

So interesting. Heavy control, right? Control is like, yeah, I I needed control. I'm a person, if I everything's out of control, what can I control? So people would say you need to stop eating. I'm like, I'm gonna get too. Why are you commenting about my body? I'm gonna be fat.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

And if for a while I leaned into it and I think um uh for me it was like uh armor, just like, yeah, I know I'm heavy. And what is you to your point? What is your point? Yeah. You know, I I why are you pointing out something that's obvious? Thank you. Almost became a little comfortable for a while until I wasn't. 'Cause I think, you know, anytime I've talked to people who want to lose weight or th this or that, I always say, You have to decide that you've hit a point and you want to do it for yourself. Yeah, for yourself. And I'm gonna point for you. And I was like, I've had enough. I don't feel good. You get to that point. Yeah. I don't have energy. My knees are hurting. And I'm only twenty eight. What is that about? That's crazy. Yeah. I am pre-diabetic. What is you know, my dad got diabetes at um, I think he was diagnosed at 39. Oh, so family disposition, you have predispositions. Yeah, and so he was 39, he was heavy at the time, and you know, that means I always say if you found out at 39, you've had it probably already two years. Sure, sure. So I was well on my way. I'm like, and I and I had this thing. I'm like, I don't want to, you know, I new at the newly newly married at the time. Yeah, I don't want my husband to be taking care of myself, like taking care of me when we should be like enjoying the best years of our lives together. Sure. So I you have to know for yourself, like, I've had enough of feeling uncomfortable and I want to now do this. I think it's more sustainable.

SPEAKER_06 23:03

You're not doing it for anyone else besides yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:06

And that's the act of that change will happen because you're you're in control. I just I do eating deprivation. So when I am stressed out or if I have things going on, I lose appetite all completely, and I will drop to like you know 500 calories in a day. And then that spirals out the other way, where it's like headaches, uh, no energy, yeah, uh, blood sugar, like hypoglastemia, all these different things. Yeah. But it's a control thing that you're establishing because you're like, I can control this one thing, and then it feeds into like the imagery where you're like, oh, she doesn't eat much, doesn't eat. But then it was like, Why are you so fat? Why are you so heavy? You're a secret eater. I'm like, I and I remember being like, I'm not a secret eater, I don't, I don't only like I don't even like to eat, you know. When you finally have that moment where you're like, you know what? This is 1000% about me now, and like exactly to your point, like I don't want to feel sick, I don't want, I don't like feeling this way anymore. That's when it sticks. But it doesn't make it any less easier. Like, this is the thing is like it doesn't make it easier because you still have to dismantle and you still have to do the work, it's not easy, and you're still it's not easy, and every single day is a struggle. Every day, even all the work out every day, all of it.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

It's taking out it's taking out the peanut gallery. Because that's what for me, I was like, I do what I want, so that means why I why do I care about how these people are viewing what I look like? I I should care about myself, and I I'm just gonna focus on that. And the more I kind of picked away like the public perception of opinions and all that nonsense, I just locked in and I was like, okay, this is my life now. Yeah, I cut my stomach, I have to take it serious. I didn't do this for fun, I did this for for a reason. And if I lost like the first go around, I lost like 80 pounds. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_05 24:51

Um was that still like 60% of what you wanted to do? Was that that that track or did you get bigger?

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Like I said, I was too well, I don't even know what I weigh right now. I um it doesn't matter. Because I had to like you look great. I had to stop because I was obsessing and I, you know, like the control thing is like have it budged, you know, and you're like counting the points, like it's 78 point this and it's hurting because and progress is progress.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Yeah, it's like it's crazy, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

And I'm like, okay, this is not helping me. So like I put away the scale, like, I don't know. I'm just gonna notice based off of fit clothing. And you taught me that and measurements, yeah. Measurements and fit clothing.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

You were like, stop weighing yourself, go buy your clothes.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

I do need a meter, like the dysmorphia, like that's why I like my little fitness page for myself. It's for me. It's for you. And I go back every once in a while because I could see where I started because I you literally I just won't see it.

SPEAKER_03 25:41

And I just I have to comment on that, what you're saying, because so you have an Instagram page that's that talks about your journey, um, Bex in Wonderland. Yes, yes. And you posted something this week that touched my heart because we're literally publicized it because I'm like, yeah, literally put your arm in your pants. To show how much you've lost. I wore those last summer. I know. I thought that was just last year, and that was an inspiration. I just gotta tell you. You you are an inspiration and I need you to know that arms and you did your jean shorts. And the fact that you were able to because you were measuring your waist, and you're like, I feel a breeze. That I'm so proud of you. Is amazing before and after back. So I'm half a person. Yeah, beautiful. If you want to follow um Becca's journey, B-E-X underscore in Wonderland. But it's X in Wonderland.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

It has only like little I have like little videos of like when I first started. And yeah, it's it was for me to kind of track loosely my progress and remember what what it was like to start because it's easy to forget.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Awesome. But one of the things I've learned throughout the years is when it comes to clothing, and they say, and this could work both ways. It could be you've gained weight, so you hold on to these clothes, right? Because in your mind, you're gonna get back to that size. Yeah. And then on the flip side, but let me tell you what I do. I do the opposite. I keep large clothes because in my mind I'm gonna get back there. Nope, get rid of it. No, and I have to get rid of it.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

You see how the mind works, how insane the mind works. Do you know what happens? It's like you're almost like telling yourself you're gonna fail. Yes. So you're like, you know, it's gonna happen. No, you just get rid of it because anytime I it's also my meter. I'm like, oh, I am gaining weight. Oh, I need to like just watch myself a little bit. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. And I can kind of catch myself instead of just wearing the bigger size and getting too comfortable. Um, it's easier to gain than lose. We all know this. Like it's so you what you gain, it's gonna take you a year to lose, and it's like one and it's uh it's worked so hard for this.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

But um, and that's the thing I I do like about losing the weight and feeling like my confidence build back where I just I have fun putting together outfits and and wearing stuff I could never fit before um has been really I look at that stuff to keep like the positive parts of the journey. Yeah, like crop tops some.

SPEAKER_05 28:14

Crop tops, no, I never wore crop tops before. Yeah, I wear crop tops at the gym. That'd be nice. Crop tops that's one of my goals at the gym.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Um wearing boots, because you don't realize having wide calves. That was huge for me because I love boots and I could never fit them because my calves were just too big. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Can I ask, how about the first time you were able to actually see your toes? Like you looked down and you could see your toes. It's those little things. I know you could look down and you could see your toes.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

Uh shaving my legs was easier because I didn't realize like how like hard it was actually for me because of my size. Uh seeing my toes, yeah, that was major. Um my feet, my ankles getting small. Like seeing my ankles. Um, my wrists, I never saw like the little bone there. I was like, wait a minute. Like I could see things on my body. Uh that was oh it's always like they call it um non-scale victories. It's something as simple as like sitting in my car with my seatbelt and like not my stomach being super close to the wheel. It's like little like things small ones. These small ones that you're just like, whoa, this is like huge. Like, um, one of the one of the it was traumatic for me. We went on a vacation with Uncle Matt, and when we were newly married, and um he was like, Come on a family trip with me and the kids, and we're like, sure. And I love theme parts. I had not realized I had gotten too big for the rides. So I went to sit on a ride, and they could not close it. And that was one of the major like traumatic moments for me. Like I was horrified. I'm like, you know, in your head, you're just like, oh my god, I and that was one of the many little things that made me like be like, okay, it's his time. Yeah. So fast forward, I went with some friends, and um, it was 20, 20, uh, 23, I think, 22, like one of those years. I went to Universal and I got to go on the rides, and it's funny because I had that trauma. I'm like, oh my god, am I gonna fit on the rides? I'm like, yes, Lord, you've just lost 80 pounds. Yes. I went to ride all the rides, and I'm like, wow, things you don't you take for granted, you're just like, wow, this I can fit the rides. Yeah. So now I need to go back to Williamsburg so I can actually ride those rides.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 30:24

Time for hot dads. So we got hot dad. Hot dad. All right.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

We love Janice thing.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

That's my popular demand. Given that Becca is our guest for the next episode, we are going to allow her to do Hot Dad of the Week.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

That's a good dead of the week. Amongst my lists, I have Oscar Isaacs. Oh, we liked him. Love him. Love a strong Cuban nose. Okay. Um also a nose girl. A nose girl love a strong nose. Wow. Like a big nose. Love a big nose, a character.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

So tell us about him. Where's he? Is he an actor? He's he's an actor.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Okay. He's been in many things. He's in uh Rogue One, he's in um Great movie.

SPEAKER_05 31:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

He in the first one. He's a father, he's a daddy. Um and like I said earlier, like I had the privilege of eating with him.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

What?

SPEAKER_01 31:23

We have to hear the story. We love a good story. So back in my LA David Chang's like heyday, Momofuku was a big deal in the city. Like he opened his ramen shop, and uh, as I like to vet things, I was like, I want to go. And I was in the city, I uh the place was packed, but they had this a seat for two people, and it's communal seating.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

They sit me down, I sit down, I look up, various that's wild. I when I'm telling you I turned it red, I was like, I know this guy. And mind you, like, um, I was a big fan of Sucker Punch. It's tick flick. I love that movie. I love the design, I love the album. Yeah, a lot of bejoring that. It it's fun, it's girly pop. He was one of the villains in that movie. And I loved him. He had Guy Liner in that one and a little pencil stash, and I was like, wait a second, this man is right here. I'm listening to conversation, I'm sitting there, and he leaves his bag next to me, and he has to go because I guess they're you know, he needed to follow her or whatever. Very passionate. I was like, wow, I'm witnessing like the whole story.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

And I got to like eat lunch with them, and I'm telling his friend, like, your friend left his bag. Your friend Oscar Isaacs left his bag next to me, and I don't know what to do, but it was fun, and he's beautiful and awesome.

SPEAKER_05 32:42

So he's 5'9.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

He's not tall. Oh, he's not tall, no? No, no, no. He's a kid.

SPEAKER_05 32:46

He's actually born in Guatemala. Oh. Okay. And he's going to be in the upcoming movie Spider-Man Beyond the Spider-Verse. So we know that. We're very excited about that. And he has how many kids? Let's find out. Yeah, he was like a limited series. It's Eugene and Mads, and they all live in Brooklyn. Okay. Which is awesome. What year were you at Momafuko? What year was that you think? Oh man, that that was um pre-pandem, post-pandemic.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

That was 2012 or something. Okay. Oh, yeah. It was earlier in his career, like he was starting to get popular.

unknown 33:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

And I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Very nice. Ha ha ha dada the week. And he is cute. Blap blah blah blah. Yep. Yeah, all the bars are good. Many Noah. And that's a wrap. Thank you so much for hanging out with us today. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone you know. Make sure to follow us on our Instagram page at the underscore voice notes podcast. And remember, voice notes are just podcasts with zero editing. See you next week.