Circle of Chairs with Diana Dalles

In this episode of Circle of Chairs, I am deeply honored to have my mom, Diana Dalles, as a special guest. Together, we candidly discuss the profound impact addiction and recovery have had on our family, sharing personal experiences and the journey toward healing and hope. We touch on the challenges we faced, from the lack of resources in the early 2000s to the isolation my mom felt, and the transformation that occurred through community support. We reflect on how showing up with love and hope can make a monumental difference for those struggling. Diana offers invaluable advice for family members feeling alone, emphasizing the importance of seeking support and resources available today. We also recount cherished memories and the enduring bond that has flourished despite the trials of addiction. This episode is a testament to the power of love, community, and unwavering hope in the face of addiction. Thank you for listening.

00:00 Introduction to Circle of Chairs

00:14 Meet My Mom, Diana Dallas

00:48 Humor and Light Moments

02:07 A Mother's Perspective on Addiction

04:43 Challenges and Changes in Recovery

09:06 The Importance of Support and Community

20:43 Reflections and Memories

23:08 Conclusion and Resources

Diana Dalles LPN, MSW has been writing poetry and journaling since her teenage years, mainly for her own enjoyment and healing. She spent the early years of her career in the nursing field, then worked thirty-five years as a professional social worker. Her employment interests included hospice, medical social work, and gerontology. She has facilitated grief, trauma, and women’s empowerment groups. Diana retired in 2015, and being with her family brings her the greatest joy. Diana lives with her cat in East Tennessee.

Pre-order a copy of my new book releasing April 2026: 

When You Love Someone in Recovery https://whenyoulovesomeoneinrecovery.com/ 

Caroline Beidler, MSW, is an author, speaker, and Managing Editor of Recovery.com, where she combines expert guidance with research to help people find the best path to healing and treatment. Her book, When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide for Understanding Addiction, was released Spring 2026 with Nelson Books. Drawing from her own recovery journey through addiction, mental health challenges, and trauma, along with training as a clinical mental health provider and addiction recovery expert, Caroline is passionate about guiding you into seasons of greater healing. Learn more about her books here. 

Subscribe to her Circle of Chairs Substack community at carolinebeidler.substack.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Circle of Chairs Conversations with Caroline Beidler, real talk on addiction, mental health, healing, and hope for people in or seeking recovery and our loved ones. So pull up a chair. You are not alone. Hi, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

I'm so thrilled to be joined with a special, very special guest today, Diana Dallas, who just happens to be my mom. And we're going to be talking very openly and candidly about addiction recovery, how it impacts families. A little bit about her experience just with supporting me during my struggle. So, y'all, no one has heard some of this before. Okay. So this is like really exclusive. Hopefully it'll be a fun conversation too. Whenever I'm with my mom, we always laugh. And yeah, mom, I'm really glad you're here.

SPEAKER_04 0:46

Thank you for inviting me.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

So we were talking about how to start this and maybe having it start as a joke. So I thought, did you want to share the joke you just shared? Um, for those who are in recovery, we like to have like little jokes sometimes about recurrence abuse or relapse. I mean, not really, but I guess we got to make light of it. So she said, why don't we say we've started drinking again? And it's like, wait, what? We're we're both drinking our teas from Panera as we're talking. So, anyways, we're not gonna start with a joke about relapse, but I did want to say um something that I thought was pretty funny, mom. You texted me a couple nights ago, and you're like, um, I just have to ask something like that. I have to ask, have you had work done on your face? It was after I posted a live Instagram chat and I just was taken aback, but I said, no, mom, I'd tell you, but that's called a ring light. And so we had a conversation about that, but it reminded me of my friend, uh, another friend of mine. We joked that it would be awesome if they had lights that actually made you look older because then when you meet someone in real life, they look younger instead of the opposite way around. So I like to joke with people that when you meet me in person, you really know that I'm in my 40s. So, anyways, thank you to ring lights. Okay, there's that. So, mom, I wanted to talk to you about kind of your experience in supporting me going through what I did and how that impacted you as a family member. You know, my new book, When You Love Someone in Recovery, a Hopeful Guide to Understanding is coming out very soon. And maybe if you're listening, it's already out. Um, comes out in April of 2026. And it's something that I really feel is important to highlight the experience of family members and information for for you, for you all. Um, I'm an affected family member too. So for us to be able to love, support, understand those of us who are either in recovery or still struggling with addiction. Can you share a little bit about your experience and what it was like when you were loving me as I was really struggling as an adolescent?

SPEAKER_04 2:52

Well, first of all, I'd like to point out that back in the early 2000s, there weren't the resources that we have now. So um I must admit that I was a really naive parent. I didn't believe that you would use drugs and alcohol um when I actually found out that you did. I mean, you almost died, and I came down and took you into my house. Um it was a shock. I mean, I just didn't, I didn't understand, I didn't know that was happening. I didn't understand that what you're you were living with your dad, and I didn't understand the situations that got you into drugs and alcohol. I didn't know how how deeply you were affected by the circumstances of your life. One of them probably being believing when you were a child. I I didn't know how deeply, like I said, how deeply you were affected. Um, I went through a lot of of what happened with you by myself. I didn't tell my family, my sisters and uh my parents. Nobody knew. Um, I had one friend that I think I told occasionally a few things, but but nobody knew. I I didn't know what to say. Um most of all, I didn't know how to support you. All I knew is to let you know that I was there no matter what. That was really important to me. Some of those times were not fun, as you know. Um, but but I just I was always there for you. I always wanted to be there no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Well, thank you for sharing that. And I think that is one of the key pieces of when families are struggling and they're like, what do I do for my loved one? Just show up. And like you shared, you didn't know what to do. You felt like you couldn't talk to anybody, but you were still there. Um, I'm so glad today. And you mentioned too that things were a lot different in the early 2000s. Uh, that really dates me. But um, I mean, I think it was the early nine or late 90s too. But being not having the resources, feeling probably a lot of stigma where you didn't want to tell your family, you felt like you had done something wrong. Um, I guess I didn't know that you didn't know I had a problem with drugs and alcohol until until I overdosed. Is that right?

SPEAKER_04 5:10

It was a little before that, but I didn't know it was as progressed as it was. Um, I think I knew you and and Brad, you and your brother were messing around with alcohol because your dad, you know, would offer it to you and those kinds of things, but I I had no idea that you did drugs. Um that was that was all a shock to me.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Well, and you know, just for folks who are listening, um, you know, mom, like you said, you did leave when I was young, and my dad and stepmom raised my brother and I, but we we were still you a part of your life. We would see you regularly. And um, so when things got really bad where I was living, you said I could move to where you were living and I moved in with you. I started a new high school. What was that like? Because we were, I mean, that was a rough period of time. Can you share a little bit about like what was rough about that?

SPEAKER_04 6:03

Do you remember any specific stories or I I remember it was really rough, first of all, because your dad and I didn't even talk about it. Um, it was in therapy that he announced that you were coming to live with me. Um, so and I was thrilled that you were coming because I had wanted you to live with me for a long time. But to have it announced that this is just gonna happen. So I had to scramble to figure out where you were gonna go to school. Um, and I was living in Madison at the time at a one-bedroom place, and um you had to go to a huge school that had police, you know. Back then it was kind of odd to have police roaming the halls, but there were. It totally freaked you out. You were skipping classes. I would catch you leaving the school sometimes. I would go sit in the parking lot and see you coming out and confront you. And um it was really a rough time. You were having a really rough time at school. It was really hard. You didn't know a soul, it was huge, it was a city. So then that really didn't work out very well. So then I decided, well, why not go to have you go to a smaller school? So then I moved um to a smaller town um near my friend and got an apartment, and and you and I lived there. Um, and it worked out much better to have you go to a small school. Um and that way you were able to take your the classes that you had did really poorly. You could just drop those from your record. So you graduated with with honors or high honors or something, um, you did very well then. Um, but you were still, I think you were still drinking. I don't know if you were drinking or not then.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

I yeah, well, when I was going to the small town, because right after I lived with you in the city, then I moved back to my hometown again temporarily. And that's when I had I overdose and went back to addiction treatment. But after I got out of treatment uh that time, the second time, yeah, we and I I think that that, and I've shared this with folks before too, that removing me, helping to remove me from that environment that I was in, both being in a city and feeling overwhelmed, and also where I grew up, where I had a lot of peers who were using substances and it was hard to escape the stigma that I felt as a young person trying to be sober. And um, it was the best decision that you all could have made for me because yeah, I was I was in recovery at that high school and then I started to struggle again with drinking. I thought that, well, you know, hard drugs were my problem, but I could still drink. It was normalized. And thankfully, you know, that's changing today. And so much of the research is showing that rates of drinking are actually they've gone down to the lowest rates in decades. I think a lot of that has to do with the work that advocates have done. Um, but yeah, when I was a young person, that wasn't the case. So today there are a lot fewer young people are drinking, which is awesome. Well, so in terms of kind of walking through some of that, you said you felt like you couldn't talk to people or that you had to go through this alone. What would you share to the parent or family member today who is struggling and feels that same way, that they have to do it alone?

SPEAKER_04 9:22

That's totally not the case today. There's so many resources out there. Um there's support groups, there's all kinds of resources. Um you can talk to people in recovery, um, you can find out what it's like for the person actually using drugs and alcohol. Just you just there's educational opportunities, there's books, look at your book out there. There's just so much. And don't do it alone. It's just you don't have to do that. You don't have to do that. I thought I did. I didn't want to embarrass you and myself by telling my family. Um, I know it would have gotten all over and it wouldn't have been good for you or me. So it's like, yeah, so that but there's so much out there. You just and if you can't find anything, just start with one thing and then you'll end up finding other resources through that.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

Um yeah, I mean, I think that's so encouraging. And like you said, at that time, you know, a couple decades ago, you felt embarrassed and you felt embarrassed for me. But today we don't have to feel that way because it's such a normalized thing. You know, I think it's what one in three, which is probably a low statistic, but one in three families in America are directly impacted by substance use and addiction. I mean, I would argue to say it's a hundred percent of families today, at least, you know, you know someone who's in recovery, um, you know someone who's struggling with addiction or it's in your home, it's around your kitchen table. So um, it's not something that we have to feel like we're the only ones. And I like to say now it's actually if you're not impacted, you're the od one out. So um sorry to say that if that's you, but I feel like if you're listening, that you're probably um attack uh connected to this issue in some way. I wrote a blog post, this was was it a couple months ago now, about red bear. Um and red bear to me is just the symbol of, I'm gonna tell you what red bear is in just a second, about how when you said just showing up, you know, and doing that, but I was going to treatment, I had overdosed and you had tried to take me to treatment before and I'd ran away, um, but just was so scared and terrified and didn't know how to live my life without using drugs and alcohol, even though I was only 17. And you picked me up and took me, we sit in a hotel near the treatment center so that I would be close to that, to where I needed to go for my intake the next day. And you got me this sweet little red stuffed animal, red bear. And um, it just to me, it just is this small, beautiful action that showed me that I was loved. And it was just such a nurturing, it was just such a nurturing thing. I mean, here I'm a 17-year-old girl and I have this stuffed animal now. And I slept with that little red bear until I was in my late, late 20s, no, mid-20s. And it always just was such a nurturing thing for me and a reminder that I was loved. And I think that when our family members are struggling with addiction, we have to remember that they need to be reminded that they're still loved. Doesn't matter what we do. Um, it doesn't matter what's been done to us. We're still loved just because. And I think that a lot of times, and mom, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. We feel like as family members, we have to do it, we have to do it alone. And we're the only ones who can love that person who's struggling. But I've talked to so many moms and other parents and family members who are like, look, I don't trust them. They have stole from me, they have lied, they have cheated, um, I'm angry. I don't know how I can love them right now. And instead of turning to get support to help them love their person, their loved one, then they they shut down, they build walls, they try to practice what has been termed tough love, you know, and just shut that person out when really we can be looking for support to love. We don't need to love alone. We don't need to do anything alone. So, what how would things have been different if 25, however many years ago, I don't even know, um, when I was struggling, when you were struggling with it, what if you could have turned to someone else and said, Look, I'm having a hard time loving my daughter right now? Like, can you help me do that? How would things have been different?

SPEAKER_04 13:31

That would have totally changed that period of my life. I would have known more how to support you. I didn't know how to support you. That little beer was my attempt to say, I love you here, you know, this a tiny little thing that here my life would have been completely different, and so would have yours.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

Well, and you know, but interestingly, as I was saying that, mom, we did have someone, Greg, who was a dear friend of Greg. He was the he was the one person that we did have, yeah, who kind of came alongside and helped support.

SPEAKER_04 14:02

He did. He kind of came kind of out of the woodwork a little bit um and supported you in many ways. I didn't even know what he was doing for you. Um, but he was there.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

And deep down, I always, without a doubt, always supported you. And I I always kept in my mind that you were going to be a functional human being without drugs and alcohol. I I believe that with all my heart. And that kept me going a lot. I know that that way I could say, well, what she's saying now isn't really it's the drugs and alcohol, as they say, it's drugs and alcohol talking. This isn't how you would normally talk if you weren't under the influence. Um, I just reminded myself of that all the time. Um, and it did help having having great there.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Yeah. Um, I I love what you shared about remind kind of reminding yourself that I was still there, like beneath the substances. And that, and I talk about this in my book too. It's like when we have hope for our loved ones, they're more likely to get better. Like that's not, I hope it's not putting pressure on family members, but I hope that it is an encouragement that when we have hope and belief that our loved one can and will maintain recovery and like be able to be a functioning member of society, like you said, be able to thrive, be able to have a life that is worth living and a life of love. Like when we have hope and belief for our loved one, they are more likely to become what we believe them to be. Like, and and you know, we have that our own experiences kind of anecdotally from our own stories. And there's a lot of research out there too, of folks who are showing it's true. Like family belief and hope in loved ones works. And I think to me, there's just such an urgency around this situation. And I think we have to, when we have these conversations, we have to talk about that with newer substances like fentanyl, xylazine, other types of synthetic opioids that are so dangerous and can be a matter of life and death with what taking one pill or having a substance, you know, cut with fentanyl and you don't know that's a part of it. So when we're having these conversations, being able to love and show up for our loved ones is so, so critical. And I've told people, mom, that, you know, I think if I were a teen today going through my substance use, I probably wouldn't have made it because of the substance that's true. That families are like with fentanyl and different things. So, you know, my heart breaks for families who've been impacted by addiction loss. And I know that that's why we need to keep talking about this. That's why families need to be empowered to not only understand what addiction is, but really what recovery is. What are we working towards? What are we aiming for when we're saying, hey, we our loved ones need help and treatment? So speaking of that, I'd love to hear your thoughts on what you think recovery is, how that's maybe changed over time as you've watched my life unfold and have kind of walked out your own journey.

SPEAKER_04 17:15

Um I'd say recovery is is going from the state of being basically controlled by substances to going to a point where you're able to be a functioning member of society. You're able to be who you are without substances. I guess that's that's what I would say.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Yeah, I love that. How do you connect with or have you connected with the recovery community?

SPEAKER_04 17:43

I've gone to your meetings. Um, when you visit some of the houses, I go to the houses. I I've they even uh inspire me with their stories and with their their determination to um for recovery. I've kind of been a backseat kind of a person in the recovery community, but I've attended things and listened to people talk, and it's really affected me in a positive way, listening to all those people.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

How does it how does it make you feel, or how have you left some of those recovery spaces feeling?

SPEAKER_04 18:18

Oh, I I felt empowered, I felt I felt hopeful, I felt encouraged for all these people. Um I felt supported, totally supported. I felt like I wasn't alone. It was it's been a wonderful experience and being a part of your your recovery community. Um it's been a really positive experience for me.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

I love that so much. I've been so moved when we have gone to different events and and things that could just your thoughts and what you share, and just feeling so overwhelmed in a good way, kind of by like the love and things that you witness.

SPEAKER_04 18:57

And it's incredible to me to see all that and to what's makes everything so hopeful is to see that that people in recovery now have that community behind them. Um that just gives me total hope because that's just so powerful. Because look at what the impact that's had on your life. You know, you you joined with a recovery community, you know, and got all that support. That made, I think that made the difference in your life.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Yeah, I mean, that's really what I think changed for me because I wanted to be sober for so many years. I mean, over a decade, and I would have times of sobriety and then relapse. And um, but it was really when I was able to connect in community, like deep recovery community. And you know, my faith journey is a part of that too. But it was through connecting with other people in recovery and feeling like I was finally a part of and just that unconditional love and acceptance. Um, and I think there's something so beautiful when we come together without pretension, without masks, just a hundred percent honest.

SPEAKER_04 20:06

Like you just lay it all out there, and it's like nothing is too bad to save you. Person next to you probably has a story that's more that's worse than yours. Um, and it doesn't shock anybody because everybody has their own stories.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Yeah, it's beautiful when we can be open and honest. Well, I mom, I so appreciate being able to talk with you about this openly. I think this is going to be a huge encouragement to folks. So, you know, the other piece, just quickly, we did have the experience of writing a book together, also, which was my second book. We won't talk too much about that because I have this next one out that we're talking about. But um, I just have to say it's just been such an honor to be on this journey with you. And um, you want to share just a little bit about before we close, maybe what we were doing when, gosh, you were probably my age and I was in my early 20s in Madison. I was sober.

SPEAKER_04 21:03

You were sober. We would have these days where we would get together and we, it was kind of a period where people wore these long flowing dresses, kind of Indian prints or whatever. So we would go and we would each buy a dress, and then we would go in these flowing outfits. We would go walking down um State Street, which was a popular street at the time, or sit by the lake where a lot of people were gathered, and just sitting there feeling so what's the word? Um I can't think of the word, just feeling wonderful in our in our outfits if we were. To this day, that's just a wonderful, wonderful memory. Yeah. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

And we would we would write together. So you're a big, you're a huge writer and a big journal, your journaler. You've journaled for years, but we would sit and write, we'd go to Barnes and Noble. And I remember I've always loved bookstores, Barnes and Noble. And but just walking in, we'd kind of browse around. I don't know if we'd wear our long flowing hippie skirts to Barnes Noble, but we may have. So if anyone's shocked who's listening, I have gone through many iterations in my wardrobe. So yes, I was, I was a bit of a hippie, um loving oh, we loved it. Oh yeah. It was fun. So um, anyways. So if you're listening right now and you're, you know, you're a loved one and you have these memories with your loved one, but they're struggling right now, you can come back to having a relationship.

SPEAKER_04 22:35

You can.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

And you can build a closer relationship. Now you live, you moved many states from where you grew up to live near us in Tennessee, which has been amazing. And are you you're an incredible nana to my my kiddos, who Henry, my son, actually has red bear now. So he sleeps with red bear every night. And um, it is just it's beautiful to be on this journey. So thank you for showing up, even though even when you didn't know how to do that, but you just you did. You did it. So thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 23:04

Thank you. Love you, mom. Love you too.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Thanks for listening. For more resources, visit CarolineBeidler.com.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Hey, I'm Chloe. Did you hear that Caroline's new book, When You Love Someone in Recovery, A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction, is available for pre order now? Early reviews are already coming in, and everyone agrees. This book is incredible. Find answers to your toughest questions about addiction and learn how to support your loved ones' recovery by pre ordering today. Visit When You Love Someone in Recovery.com to learn more.