Book Club Week 2: When You Love Someone in Recovery

Book Club Week 2: Supporting Our Loved One Without Losing Ourselves

Welcome back to week two of our walk through When You Love Someone in Recovery. This week covers chapters 4 through 7, and it's where things get practical. Because love can get confusing and tough when addiction is in the house.

Four themes from this week's reading:

🔹 Support is not the same as rescuing. We are not the reason someone keeps using. 
🔹 Labels can become cages. Leading with "the addict" puts the condition before the person. 
🔹 Your family's story can be reframed. When we shift the story, something shifts in recovery too. 
🔹 Recovery is bigger than sobriety. It's about building a whole life, not just stopping something.

Your action steps: Practice talking about your loved one in a new way. Advocate for person-first language. Add one wellness practice to your week, even something simple like a walk, more water, or better sleep.

📖 Grab the book:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400253977/  

Next week: Mental health, boundaries, and the opposite of addiction (Chapters 8 through 10).

Caroline Beidler, MSW, is an author, speaker, and Managing Editor of Recovery.com, where she combines expert guidance with research to help people find the best path to healing and treatment. Her book, When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide for Understanding Addiction, was released Spring 2026 with Nelson Books. Drawing from her own recovery journey through addiction, mental health challenges, and trauma, along with training as a clinical mental health provider and addiction recovery expert, Caroline is passionate about guiding you into seasons of greater healing. Learn more about her books here. 

Subscribe to her Circle of Chairs Substack community at carolinebeidler.substack.com 

Transcript

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Welcome to Circle of Chairs Conversations with Caroline Weidler. Real talk on addiction, mental health, healing, and hope for people in or seeking recovery and our loved ones. So pull up a chair. You are not alone.

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Hey friends. Oh my goodness. I am so glad you have joined for week two of the book club. The book club. So you might be tuning in and like, okay, book club, what are you talking about? So we are doing a limited series for the month of May. If you are listening in real time, if not, no worries. Just scoot on back to the episode right before this one. Week one, we are walking our way through four weeks of my latest book, When You Love Someone in Recovery, a Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction that came out with Nelson Books, The Dream Team, in spring of 2026 in April. So I'm just so glad that you're here. Thank you for coming on back. This week, we're gonna be focused on a really important topic. And we're gonna be walking through chapters four through seven of the book. But before we jump off, I just want to say you all, I have been blown away by the reviews you all are leaving about when you love someone in recovery. I can't even say that sentence without tearing up. I am just so moved by how you've been moved and how you're sharing the book with the people in your life. It is so, so beautiful. So, you know, all right, I'm getting emotional. So if you've been moved by reading the book, all right, first of all, if you haven't gotten the book, pick up a copy. But if you've been moved by the book, I want to hear from you. Will you take like two minutes, please, and leave a review, Amazon or Goodreads? This is really, really important. I want to share just a minute why this is important. Okay. When you leave a review, we're all consumers, right? I don't know about you, but one of the first things I do when I'm about to buy something, say, I don't know, high-waisted jeans, for example. I will look at the reviews. What are people saying about these jeans? Do they fit? Do they not? Are they comfy? Are they not? Right. We look at reviews because when we want something that helps us, that serves us, that has that nice fitted waist that pulls up. We want to hear how other people are honestly feeling about that, right? So looking at the reviews is something that's really important when someone's gonna make the decision whether, hey, I want to buy this thing, right? And we know today, you all, books can be a luxury. We've got a lot of expenses. Things are expensive, right? Especially if y'all have kids or people you're caregiving for, like, it's just hard out there, right? It's just hard out there. Books can be a luxury. So it's gonna take the community to step up and be like, you know what, this is worthwhile. And if you go to Amazon right now or Goodreads and you read, check out some of the reviews people are saying, y'all, this book is helping people. It's helpful. So if you've read the book, will you leave an honest review today? Again, it takes like two minutes. If you're like, I don't know how to leave a review, I would love to do that. Thank goodness for the internet. Just go on to your chat GPT or Google or however you search for things and just say, How do I leave an Amazon review? And they will, they, whoever they are, the internet, the AI thing, the robots will let you know how to do that. So um, I would love to hear from you. And more importantly, other people need to hear what you think about the book and if it's moved you. All right. All right, all of that aside, week two, we're gonna be talking about supporting ourselves without losing ourselves. All right. And this week is where it really starts to get practical because love can get confusing and tough when addiction is in the house. Can you feel me? So we're gonna be focusing on four themes. Number one, ready? Four themes. Number one, support is not the same thing as rescuing. All right, chapter four of the book puts language to a fear that many of us carry. If I don't step in, if I don't help, if I don't show up, well, things fall apart. But you know what? One thing that I talk about in the book is that there's a difference between support and enabling. Okay. And I think we need to challenge this common myth. We family members, loved ones, are not the reason why someone keeps using. I had a mentor early on tell me, you know what, Caroline, you are not that powerful. And that was very hard to hear. I remember I was mentoring another woman and she was struggling and she had had a recurrence of use, and it was like, oh my gosh, am I not doing the right thing or saying the right thing? You all, we will use substances all on our own. All right. I think we need to like let go of that pressure that somehow it is all on us, someone else's choices, someone else's choices. Support can help, though. And it can look like encouragement, honesty, accountability, steadiness. Enabling, I hate that word, but enabling can look like other things. And honestly, I think we need to just like let go of some of those old archaic terms that have done more harm than good for families. Yes, is there truth to the fact that people can remove consequences, lie for, pay for, rescue, cover things up to help a loved one, to help reduce their own anxiety about a loved one? Yes, yes, yes. But there are healthy things that we can do to set boundaries and to show up in a loving way. That isn't enabling. Okay. Number two, another main theme of this chapter, labels can become cages. Labels can become cages. All right, actually, this is chapter five. So in chapter five of the book, it asks why labels can be harmful. When we refer to our loved one as the addict or the alcoholic, right? We are beginning with the condition first and not the person first. Words shape identity. Identity can shape behavior. I remember when people would call me things like liar, crackhead, druggie, and worse, I don't want to repeat over the podcast. I carried those words, that identity, those lies with me. It was heavy. That weight was heavy to carry. And you know what? When stigma weighs us down, we keep hiding. And hiding is dangerous. It's dangerous. So in chapter five, we're gonna talk about language that actually opens doors of support instead of closing them, inviting people in to our recovery journey and not pushing people away. Chapter six is gonna bring in this idea of shared stories. And you know what? We all have a story. Your family has a story. And what's so beautiful about our ability to tell stories, we can reframe stories. We can reframe stories. In my own family, I had become the woman in recovery. I have become the woman who gives back to her community. I have become the citizen who pays her bills on time and votes and pays taxes, right? I am no longer the addict or the alcoholic. But you know what? When I was using substances problematically, when I was struggling with addiction, I was also so many other things. I have always been Caroline. I have always been Caroline. In chapter six, I really want to highlight you all, and I hope, I hope, hope, hope that you are bringing your people together to read the book in community. I am a huge proponent of book clubs, all right? Virtual in-person, gotta love that in-person connection, though. I'm telling you. Bring people together and talk about this together. But a lot of families, speaking of identities, right? And ways that we tell a story about our loved ones or our situation. Does this sound familiar? This always happens to us. We can't trust anyone. We have to keep this secret. We are the problem. They are the problem. We have these lies, these things that can keep us and hold us back from experiencing the joyness and fullness of recovery. When we reframe the story, we are a family in or seeking recovery. We are a family, we have a family member that struggles with substance misuse or substance use disorder or addiction. And we have a loved one that we have so much hope for, that we have so much belief in. Reframe, reframe and see what happens. See what happens to not only your mindset, but how you start to see your loved one. And you know what's amazing? What can happen next? Watch your loved one's journey and see what happens to their recovery as a result of reframing how you talk about the story of your loved one's recovery journey. And number four, you all, and I know we are zipping through these, but you know what's awesome about this book club podcast mini-series is this hopefully gives you an opportunity, like, hey, listen to a little bit, pull out the book, do a little bit of reading, come back to this, play it at the beginning of your book club or your small group or your recovery ministry meeting. All right, we're zipping along, okay? Number four of one of the main themes in this part, chapters four through seven is chapter seven. Recovery. Ooh, this is my favorite one, y'all. Maybe. Well, I got a lot of favorites. Recovery is bigger than sobriety. All right. I love to say that sobriety is a starting point, but recovery is so much more than sobriety. Chapter seven is meant to widen our lens. Beyond sober, that's the chapter's title, includes things like physical wellness, courage, and the long haul nature of healing and the persistence that we need to keep maintaining and sustaining our recovery over the long term. What research shows us today and our personal experience is that recovery isn't just stopping something, it's building a life that can hold joy and stress and all of our relationships, all of the things without collapsing, without collapsing. Now, if you listen to week one of the limited podcast series, I talked a little bit about a book club kit. You all, if you want that book club kit, will you message me? Okay, will you message me? The way to get it, just send me a message. Hello at my first and last name.com. Hello at CarolineBidler.com. And if you're like, how on earth do I spell Bidler? You can Google me. All right, we talked about that earlier or chat GPT, whatever you want to do. Hello at CarolineBidler.com. And I will send you that book club kit or for someone for my team. All right, so week two, you all, is all about supporting, learning how to talk about our loved one and reframe that language and whole person healing, moving beyond sobriety. So when we think about in chapter four, like we mentioned, the fact that supporting does not mean enabling. The book club kit is gonna walk you through some important questions. Like, in what ways are support and encouragement important to recovery? What is enabling? Do you agree that it's a myth? And in what ways does hope develop resilience? Chapter five is all about letting go of labels. Oh, this is so powerful, you all. And in my own journey, my own story has been such an important, important part of me being able to let go of those labels myself and move into my new identity as a woman in recovery. So you might ask yourselves, in what ways might it be detrimental to call someone an addict, to call your loved one the addict? What are some of the outcomes do you think of being stigmatized due to addiction? What are some words or phrases that might actually contribute to the stigmatization of those struggling with addiction? And what words or phrases could be used in their place to offer hope and encouragement? Chapter six, you know, we move into this idea of a shared story. And I love talking about things like narrative therapy and storytelling. If you follow me at all on Circle of Chairs on Substack, which is, by the way, like one of my favorite places, aside from the podcast, of course. I love all you audio folks, you listeners out there, but Substack Circle of Chairs, just love to show up there. I'm all about storytelling. All right. Storytelling, so, so important. You might ask yourself, what is the story you've been telling yourself? How might you reframe it? And what do you think the phrase when recovery is shared, hope multiplies means? I love that. Lastly, chapter seven, beyond sober. All right. So how are you going to look at recovery as a holistic journey for your loved one? In what ways is recovery similar to running a marathon? Hint hint, you might hear a little bit about my history with running in this chapter and a couple friends who have just done amazing things through physical wellness and recovery. What do you think it means that health and wellness is so much more than sobriety or stopping something? And in what ways might it take courage to walk alongside your loved one? Y'all, this week I want to close with this call to action. Let's remember together that we can love someone deeply without having to manage someone else's choices or feel responsible for them. Language matters because people matter. Remember too that your story can shift even if the past doesn't. Let me say that one again. For the people in the back, your story can shift even if the past doesn't. And your recovery is a whole life rebuild, not just a finish line. So this week, will you practice maybe talking about your loved one in a new way? If you're a person in recovery, will you advocate for person first language? And maybe, I don't know, in your own life, add a wellness practice to your week. We know recovery is more than sobriety. What does your wellness journey look like if you don't identify as being in recovery? Maybe it's adding a walk, more water, sleep, movement. Just something simple. Send me a message. I'd love to hear from you and what you try. Y'all, thank you so much for being here. I love this miniseries. I'm so excited about this. And of course, don't forget, if you haven't gotten your copy of When You Love Someone in Recovery, it is available anywhere you buy books. And last time I was on one of the major booksellers that we all know and either love or hate. It was very, very reduced. A lot of percentages off. So like 30% off paperback. That's just wild. All right. So don't miss out on that. Grab your copy, give your copy to someone that loves you. And uh can't wait to join you for week three when we're going to be talking about mental health, boundaries, and the opposite of addiction. Until next time.

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Thanks for listening. For more resources, visit CarolineBeidler.com.