Book Club Week 3: When You Love Someone In Recovery

Book Club Week 3: Mental Health, Boundaries, and the Opposite of Addiction

Welcome back to week three of our walk through of When You Love Someone in Recovery. This week covers chapters 8 through 11, and it's where we talk about what many families avoid until they're forced to face it.

Four themes from this week's reading:

🔹 Mental health is central to recovery. Anxiety, depression, trauma, and substance use can all become tangled. Sometimes substance use starts as a way to cope with mental health challenges in the first place. 
🔹 Boundaries are brave, not punishing. They're about clarity, protecting your peace, and fostering safety. Setting a boundary is not the same as withholding love. 
🔹 The opposite of addiction is connection. Loneliness isolates. Community heals. And this doesn't just apply to our loved ones. It applies to us as affected family members too. 
🔹 Healing takes time. A recurrence of use doesn't mean the story is over. We can learn skills, build support, and prepare as a family for what may come.

Your action steps: Identify one boundary you need and write it down. Reach out to one safe person and tell the truth about how you're doing. Choose one step toward mental health support, whether that's therapy, a group, journaling, or movement.

📖 Grab the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400253977/
📋 Free Family Recovery Planning Guide: whenyoulovesomeoneinrecovery.com  

Next week: Revival, resources, purpose, and community (Chapters 12 through 14).

Caroline Beidler, MSW, is an author, speaker, and Managing Editor of Recovery.com, where she combines expert guidance with research to help people find the best path to healing and treatment. Her book, When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide for Understanding Addiction, was released Spring 2026 with Nelson Books. Drawing from her own recovery journey through addiction, mental health challenges, and trauma, along with training as a clinical mental health provider and addiction recovery expert, Caroline is passionate about guiding you into seasons of greater healing. Learn more about her books here. 

Subscribe to her Circle of Chairs Substack community at carolinebeidler.substack.com 

Transcript

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Welcome to Circle of Chairs Conversations with Caroline Beidler. Real talk on addiction, mental health, healing, and hope for people in or seeking recovery and our loved ones. So pull up a chair. You are not alone. Hey friends.

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Welcome back. Oh my goodness. We are just blasting through four weeks of an incredible series, y'all, limited series, the book club for when you love someone in recovery. It has been an awesome couple weeks so far. This week, week three of the book club, we are going to be talking about mental health boundaries and the opposite of addiction. All right, chapters eight through 11. Now, if you were just tuning in today, no worries. I want you to pause this podcast back on up to week one and kick off the four weeks of the book club together. Let's do that. All right. So if you're just jumping in, you're like, what are you talking about? You are listening to four weeks of a limited series podcast, all centered on my newest book. Now, this you can use in community. All right. I created this as brief intro podcast that you can play ahead of having a four-week book club with your people. So maybe that is a recovery home, y'all. Maybe that is a treatment center group. Maybe that is a small group at a church or recovery ministry. Maybe it's in your living room with a couple close friends. However, you want to do this book club, listen to each of the four episodes and then have a conversation. All right. So these are brief, these are like overviews. And I'm so excited to jump in today on week three. Before we get started too, I just want to say I am looking ahead here to the summer. I know we all are, and I have some really amazing things coming with both this podcast, Circle of Chairs, and also my accompanying newsletter on Substack. So if you're not a subscriber, will you please join me, Circle of Chairs on Substack, because it is the place that I love the most, aside from obviously talking to you all, the place I love the most on the internet to show up because I get to share my heart with you in writing. And I explore topics that I know you are thinking about, topics related to recovery and mental health and wellness and showing up. And I love to connect, I think, in writing because it's a really intimate thing. Just like I love connecting one-on-one with women in early recovery. I love to connect with you on the page. So if you're not a subscriber, will you join me there? I'm going to be having some really amazing guest writers over the summer. So my dear assistant, Chloe, who I just want to shout out, who's just incredible, is helping me organize a guest series of letters this summer. I'm going to be taking a little bit of a break. If you've been following me, you know that I've had a lot going on and um taking a little bit of a break in the summer, but I'm opening up the letter to really reflect what a circle of chairs is. It is different voices, different people showing up and sharing. And so I hope you are served well by these guest writers. I hope that you get something from them. And I hope that you continue to follow along as I'm taking a bit of a step back from writing, at least on circle of chairs. And as I'm taking a bit of a step back from the podcast. So we're going to be pausing. We're going to be coming back for season three, even stronger with some amazing guests. You all, it's going to be awesome this fall. All right. This fall, just in time for my favorite month, one of my favorite months, recovery month. All right. All right. So now let's get started and just jump right in. So week three, you all, we're going to be talking about chapters eight through 11 in the book. All right. I'm so glad you came back. This week is where we're going to talk about what many families avoid until they're forced to face it: mental health, challenges with boundaries, and even recurrence abuse or relapse. These chapters, you all, are honest. Okay. I do not sugarcoat anything. I want to make sure that we don't stay stuck where we are. And sometimes we can stay stuck in old information, outdated information, information that doesn't have an evidence base behind it. And I don't want us to stay stuck in those places. We don't deserve it, and our loved ones don't either. First off, in chapter eight, you all, I highlight mental health for a reason. Okay. Mental health is central. It is a key part of the recovery journey. And chapter eight is going to remind you that addiction and mental health go hand in hand. Things like anxiety, depression, trauma responses, and substance use can all become tangled. Sometimes, as we know, and I'm raising my hand here, use of substances and then developing a substance use disorder, beginning use of substances, it's a way to cope with mental health challenges, cope with trauma. All right. So mental health and having challenges with our mental health can actually be a starting point for substance use in the first place. Okay. It's why it's really important to address and discuss. And chapter nine, boundaries are brave, you all, I've really loved writing this chapter. One of the reasons, because I struggle with boundaries. I always have. I don't know if it's because of my trauma history or my people-pleasing nature or whatever the thing. But I really learned a lot personally through synthesizing some of the best research that we have to date on boundaries. And chapter nine is really going to push against this idea that boundaries are somehow punishing our loved one. Boundaries are clarity, and they're actually not as much about our loved one as they are about us and creating healthy guardrails, guarding our hearts, protecting our peace, fostering safety, developing and just moving forward with honesty with our loved ones. All right. Building boundaries, it's about learning how to step into unconditional love. All right. Unconditional love. Sometimes it can be hard, and sometimes it does mean saying no. But developing healthy boundaries, this is not the same as withholding love. Okay. It's not the same as withholding love. And I unpack what this means more in chapter nine. Chapter 10, we're going to talk about what the opposite of addiction is. You might have heard this, and if you're a recovery supporter, you likely have. The opposite of addiction is connection. Chapter 10 really names different things that our generation faces when it comes to, and this generation faces when it comes to substance use and addiction. Loneliness being a key issue. Community and peer support is heals. Addiction, loneliness isolates. We need to make sure when we think about the fact that the opposite of addiction is connection, that this doesn't just apply to our loved ones. It applies to us too, as affected family members. Just like your loved one, if you're listening, if you're an affected family member, just like your loved one wasn't meant to carry their substance use disorder or addiction alone, privately or forever, you weren't called to carry what you are alone either. And lastly, chapter 11, Ewall, is going to introduce a couple things like emotional, mental, and physical relapse or recurrence of use. Okay. Healing takes time. And I think one of the most harmful things that we've learned, kind of as society, is that, you know, if someone goes back out or they use substances again after they've been in recovery or maintain abstinence for a period of time, it means our healing is over, that they've somehow disappointed us, that somehow it is a cause for fear and total distrust. And everything we've built as a family has crashed down to the ground. I don't want to make light of this. Maybe I'm sounding a bit dramatic, but it can be, right? I have put my family through a recurrence of use. I have felt what that feels like on the other side. And it's hard. But the reality is, again, healing takes time. Okay. And just because someone has a recurrence of use, it doesn't mean their story is over. But what can we do as loved ones? We can learn skills. We can build up support. We can develop a family recovery action plan with a planning guide. All right. And if you want to explore more what this is, I've created a free planning guide that can help your family prepare for and respond to recurrence of use if or when it happens. Just go to when you love someone in recovery.com. There's a pop-up that comes up. Enter your email and boom, you got the PDF, free PDF right sent to your email. When you love someone in recovery.com. So really chapters eight through 11, you all focus on again the more behind recovery. I love to say that recovery is so much more than sobriety. It is about building a life, building a quality of life, finding our purpose, stepping into our calling, being able to show up for communities, our families, ourselves in new and healthy ways. Some things you might want to think about. In chapter eight, when we talk about mental health, why do you think people in active addiction forget to take care of their bodies and minds? Or maybe a better way to say that is why do we stop prioritizing that? Why do you think it's important to know that people with substance use disorder, and the research confirms this, are more likely to experience mental health conditions? In what way is it beneficial to identify and acknowledge our feelings? And what are some things that you can do to take care of your mental health as an affected family member? In chapter nine, we talk about boundaries. Why are they important? Why do you think we struggle with them sometimes? What is conditional love and in what ways might it be harmful for those of us seeking recovery? What are some boundaries that you need to set in your own life? In chapter 10, we talk about the opposite of addiction. Why do you think we might struggle to let others know about addiction in our families? Do you agree that we're part of one of the loneliest generations? Why or why not? In what ways is a community important for you, for your loved one? And what is peer support? In what ways is it beneficial? In chapter 11, we talk about how healing takes time. I want to help folks understand what it means to practice change. And I introduce an interesting theory called the practice change theory, based on some incredible research out there that hopefully helps us think about change in a new way. When is a time you were motivated to continue a positive change because of the benefits you experienced? Why do you think it's important to understand that you can't make your loved ones change? To close, friends, I want us to hold these truths. Boundaries are a form of love with backbone. Connection is protective and it's not optional. Change is practiced, not performed. For this week, I want to leave with a call to action. Think about one boundary that you need for you, your life, and why it matters. Write that down. Reach out to one safe person and take a risk. Tell the truth about how you're doing. And choose one option for mental health support. Maybe you're ready to see a therapist. Do that first email to inquire about more information. Look for a support group. Try journaling or prayer or movement, something that you can physically do to take action to care for yourself and tend for yourself. And of course, my day job, if y'all know, you know, I work for recovery.com, which is an incredible, incredible website where you can compare options for support if you need it. You can search tons of different options for treatment, both addiction and mental health, including for affected family members. And you can talk to and reach out to an actual human being, my favorite part to reach out and learn more about options available to you. So thank you, friends. I'm so glad you're here. Again, invite folks along, back on up to the first week. Bring your people together. There's some awesome options for ordering books in bulk at bulkbooks.com. My book is there. They're a great resource. I've loved working with them. You can get 25 books or more at a super reduced rate, almost 50% off. It's a great option if you want to donate some books to recovery homes. If you're leading a group with your recovery ministry, lots of great options for hosting a book club and providing books for folks. So thanks again for joining. And I can't wait, we have our last week coming up next week. We're going to be talking about a couple of my favorite topics revival, resources, purpose, and community. Until next week, we'll see you then.

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Thanks for listening. For more resources, visit CarolineBidler.com.