Committed Technically
You know that one friend you’re so close with that people start asking questions? Yeah, we turned that into a brand.
Introducing Committed Technically: A podcast by two people who are "married" to the hustle (and each other’s drama). It’s for the confused friends, the curious bystanders, and anyone who loves a good platonic power couple.
Let’s Chat & Yap.. It’s going to be a long, weird honeymoon.
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Committed Technically
Committed To Doing It For The Plot
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Buckle up, because we're officially trading our "people pleaser" badges for our "villain" ones. This week, we aren't just living - we're doing it for the plot.
We're deep diving into the archives of our past and present stories to bring you our Villain Era chronicles. You know, those moments where you finally stopped saying " it's okay" and started saying "watch me"? Yeah, we're going there.
From Main Character Montages to Aesthetic Pivots, we're covering all our bases.
So, whether you're in your redemption arc or you're just about to enter your darkest timeline, this episode is your sign to stop playing nice. Let's chat and yap about it!
Distribution: Buzzsprout
Editing and Production: Riverside.FM Studios
Music: "Good Things Take Time" by Otto.mp3 and Upbeat
Already.
SPEAKER_01Welcome, bitches. We're in our motherfucking villain era.
SPEAKER_00And trust us, we know how to flip the damn script and how to always do things for the plot.
SPEAKER_01Let's get into it, babe.
SPEAKER_00Time to chat and yap about it, committed gang. Well, here at Committeechnically, we are coded with the exact tools and stories to take you from passive protagonist to fierce, unapologetic, and freely you. Semi-protag, semi-anti tag, 100% that girl. Or that guy. Depending. We obviously don't want to assume. We're talking narrative shifts, actionable plot mindsets that can you can use to take your life up a notch or two. So come on, let's jump into it. So doing it for the plot. I love that phrase. I love doing it for the plot. It's my favorite thing.
SPEAKER_01I used to do it for the plot. And I learned some lessons. And I don't do it for the plot anymore.
SPEAKER_00You know, I I think I did it for the plot from twenty one. The modell is doing it for the plot. You hear that? Um I did it for the plot from like twenty-one to like twenty-two. Like the summer of twenty-two. That was a lot of plot.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna say for me personally, it was when I moved back from Salina.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Up until I moved to Utah. Until I got with Kenya too. Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I would agree with that. Because we did it for the plot together a majority of the time.
SPEAKER_01So we've seen and we've seen and been through some shit together for sure.
SPEAKER_00Um so technically technically when I was like drafting this up, and I was thinking, man, this would be like a really good topic to talk about. There's four main points. I kind of looked at doing it for the plot, like doing it. That's obviously in his plot all the time. Excuse me! Anyways, so I looked at this like I'm gonna fucking kick you in the dick.
SPEAKER_01Do you know what's crazy? What? I've been simming this entire time recording.
SPEAKER_00I know, I feel like they're gonna catch on to that. I feel like every episode they're like, oh, there goes the Tism.
SPEAKER_01Oh, there goes the ADHD.
SPEAKER_00There goes the ADHD.
SPEAKER_01Probably the Tism, though.
SPEAKER_00Anywho. Anywho, I look at this like a movie. So if I was to be approached by like Martin Sworskey or Guillermo Del Toro, and they're like, I want to fucking put your life into a movie. I separate this out into like four categories of like, oh, that would be a good plot twist, or oh, that would make a good story. So that's kind of what I did here. I don't know if you kind of caught on to that or not.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I can see it.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00So you want me to go first?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Always.
SPEAKER_01Well, yes.
SPEAKER_00Well, yes. So the guys. So the first kind of section I did is the main character montage. So like the rebirth. This this is something like in a movie, is like when the rain is falling down on the main character and the rain symbolizes and represents the clean slate, the rebirth of that character. So like in the crow. Have you seen that one with Brandon Lee or even the new one?
SPEAKER_01I've seen the one with uh Scar Scard. Scarscard.
SPEAKER_00So when the rain hits him and he kind of embodies the crow. Yeah. That's what that is.
SPEAKER_01That movie's so good.
SPEAKER_00That is and he is so good.
SPEAKER_01He is hot as hell. I love that movie. I jerked that movie several days ago.
SPEAKER_00What part really got you horny?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Oh, right. When he's fucking um what is her name?
SPEAKER_01I don't know, but I've seen her before. She looks very familiar.
SPEAKER_00It's like T TK Twiggs or something like that. She's married or dating uh Rob Pat.
SPEAKER_01Is she really?
SPEAKER_00She is. Or at least she did. Because it threw me for a fucking loop when I saw that that was a thing.
SPEAKER_01Mr. Google over here.
SPEAKER_00Mr. Google. Yeah, that movie is gas.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna watch that tonight.
SPEAKER_00You know what? I bet if I tell Jim that we talked about this, he's gonna be like, put that on the fucking TV. He loves the criteria.
SPEAKER_01That's such a good movie. Uh let's see. FKA Twigs, is that her name?
SPEAKER_00Yes, FKA Twigs. You know what? It's so funny. Well, not funny at all, because domestic violence is never funny. She dated Shiloh Buff, and it was her story that like really put him as the bad guy as he should be in Hollywood because he beat her so bad that it rewired her whole music producer. Yeah, it rewired her whole like nervous system. He beat the shit out of her.
SPEAKER_01Sounds err Jesus. Shia LaBeouf is cancelled.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's been cancelled.
SPEAKER_01Well, I didn't even know that. But I just found out he is uh homophobic. Openly homophobic. Openly homophobic. Which is for what? Right.
SPEAKER_00Why Republican must be. Because he's gay. Because he he's projecting.
SPEAKER_01He's projecting.
SPEAKER_00I 100%. You know, and I love Mia Goth. We talked about her in the Final Girl episode. They were together for like on and off for 10 years. They have a kid together. And I was so disappointed when I heard that. But she has recently left him, and that's probably why he spiraled as hard as he did at like Mardi Gras and shit like that and got back on the the drink. I think he was sober for a while and did shit like that.
SPEAKER_01I need to get sober.
SPEAKER_00But then who's gonna crack the beer? Because it's not my not fucking me.
SPEAKER_01A can of like Sody Pop.
SPEAKER_00I can do Sody Pop.
SPEAKER_01I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna stop drinking.
SPEAKER_00You heard it here first. Um okay, so main character montage for me personally. A lot of people in my life know this story. A lot of people don't. It's not one of my proudest moments. Uh I was in a long-term relationship that ended. It ended up with me getting engaged. It ended up with me getting married during COVID. And let's just say the night of this wedding, first off, it was hillbilly as fuck. It was white trash as fuck, because again, it was during COVID and it was like make do as it does type shit. It was on Halloween um during a full moon, which should have been like the biggest red flag of them of them all.
SPEAKER_01Nonetheless, you weren't evolved to Ashley yet.
SPEAKER_00I wasn't. And you know what that's so crazy? Because I feel like that's where the rebirth comes in.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm a completely different person than who I was back then. Right. And I think people don't realize that things like that change you. And I got married that night, I got really drunk. Again, never really been a drinker. Maybe I was drinking my feelings. I had a friend who asked me like twice that day, are you sure you want to do this? Because I think she knew that this was just like a phase in my life, or it was something that I knew I didn't want long term, but wasn't ready to come to realization with that yet. Sure. And I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. And I think maybe I was drinking my feelings. But at the end of the night, this person was like, hey, I think you should put down the alcohol and start drinking some water. And my response, which the people who were there always said that this was they knew this was it and that they always make fun of me for it. But I said, Well, I thinking that maybe you should just give me a divorce the night of said wedding. And I really tried. I know some people probably if they were a part of my life back then listening to this now would probably think I'm full of shit, but I really did try. But 60 60 days in, we got married October. It was around Christmas time, where I like had to have a sit-down conversation with this person and said, I don't want to do this because if I know me, I know that in 20 years from now I'm gonna regret this, and it's gonna either end up with me wasting my life or me, you know, taking a good old toaster bath.
SPEAKER_01Not the toaster bath.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, girl. And that's kind of where it was at. And the thing was, is I think we cared about each other as friends more than anything. And so I think it was hard to know that we were separating and that we would lose any type of connection that we had. Um, we tried to stay friends again, like I said in the first episode of Committed Technically, I am not friends with my exes. That is one of the main reasons. And um to each their own, I guess. But that was my rebirth, and that was again, so filed for divorce in January, had the conversation in December, filed in January, was fully divorced in May. So it was a quick divorce. And we like had this conversation of like what was mine was mine, what was this person was this person's, what we what we bought together, what we had together, we split down the middle, and we just paid for like the legal fee through the courthouse, which I think was like $250. I think we split that and that was it. And so I said, if I ever got married again and ever unfortunately got divorced again, it would never be as easy as it was the first time. And that was my rebirth because then that's when I started really doing shit for the plot, and that's where the story begins. What about you?
SPEAKER_01Uh I think for main character montage, a rebirth, I would say with the first boyfriend that I've ever had. Uh, and freshly coming out too.
SPEAKER_04Sure.
SPEAKER_01So it was my first gay relationship.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And you know who I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_04I do, I do.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Miss No, never can't.
SPEAKER_00Okay, what can't you say? What can't you say? You wonder what I was gonna say. I do know exactly what you were gonna say.
SPEAKER_01So, anyways, uh this is my first gay relationship. My actually shit, my first relationship ever.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01Uh and I it was good at first. Like it was good for the first, like, I'd say a couple of months. Um we were definitely like in the honeymoon stage, which I didn't know about because again never been in one before. First relationship. Very immature, very jealous, all the things, but you live and you learn. I'd say because we dated for two like two years. Two years. Yeah, give or take, and you know all the stories.
SPEAKER_00I do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I was there for the latter part of that. That whole scenario. Because when I started doing me for the plot, that was around the time that you started to have like this really toxic, and like it was toxic obviously before because I knew all the things before, but towards the end of your guys' relationship, yeah, it was bad. And I remember being like, B, what the fuck are you doing? Me and your sister had to like sit down and have a conversation with you to be like snapped out of it.
SPEAKER_01I was down bad.
SPEAKER_00You were down bad. It was that you were digmatized.
SPEAKER_01I was digmatized, and I can admit that now.
SPEAKER_00Because you've grown and you've done things for the plot. Right. Obviously.
SPEAKER_01And that wasn't for the plot, that was just me experiencing love for the first time.
SPEAKER_00Were you saying were you in love with him?
SPEAKER_01I I I do. I yeah, I would say that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. That's valid.
SPEAKER_01Um, I mean, obviously I'll always love him, but yeah, not in that way. Not in that way.
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_01Not anymore, at least.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But girl. That man fucked me up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Sent you because you did therapy for a little bit, didn't you?
SPEAKER_01A little bit, not very long though. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Just to kind of help you even out of that.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. It was just like I said, the first I'd say six months, give or take. It was good. I mean, it was it was a little toxic, but I didn't recognize that. And you did, and you told me, and you told me that, and I was like, Shh.
SPEAKER_00You said you don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, actually, baby. I know what that is.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I'd say six months kind of start things started to get rockier.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It was almost it almost felt like love bombing, kind of.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, not really love bombing. I don't know. I don't really know how to describe it.
SPEAKER_00It's almost like it was a mixture of love bomb and narcissistic tendencies. Yeah. With a sprinkle dash of gaslight, because gaslighting and narcissism kind of flow interchangeably.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I feel like that's kind of what that was. Because I think he could tell as soon as like you were you started to like develop in yourself and develop who you knew you were.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00That you knew like that this wasn't for me. Right. Right. But he knew he was your first. Right. He knew exactly what that meant to you. And I feel like that was where the love bomb kind of did come. Kind of, yeah. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, but you know, no one knows more than you because you lived it, and I was just an outsider looking in.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, but I told you everything. Yeah. You know.
SPEAKER_00I know girl.
SPEAKER_01You know, girl.
SPEAKER_00I know papa.
SPEAKER_01Uh to make a long fucking story short, I shopped a whole bag of jelly beans up my ass.
SPEAKER_00I love that stem.
SPEAKER_01Okay, anyways. Uh so I think kind of like what was Ashley was saying was that I started to realize, like, hey, maybe this isn't healthy for me. You know? And then I found out he was fucking around, and I was like, okay, but I'm gonna I'm gonna give him another chance just because You love him. Loved him. Yeah. And I was down bad.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And I was desperate.
SPEAKER_04Sure.
SPEAKER_01So um, and then it just kind of kept getting worse from there and on and on and on and on. And at the time I was very, very codependent on him. Um very self-involved with him. He wanted that, but he also wanted space, and I didn't understand space at the time. Yeah. Because I was codependent. Sure. So uh and then I think I finally pulled my head out of my ass, and I was like, what are you doing?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. That self-realization kind of finally clicked, and it was like bam.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00So hi, big Jim is in the house. Let's take a break. And we're back. And that you did. Um, yeah, so I think we kind of wrapped that up. Moving on to like the next section is called the mid-season finale. It's where everything was going wrong, but obviously it sets you up for like where you are now. Um for me, there was a point in time. And of course, this was during Doing It for the Plot. This was, I think, this was the latter part of 2021, and I was on a good old Tinder. You had a Tinder account, did you not? Or is that not your vibe?
SPEAKER_01Nicholas? I think I was on Tinder and Grinder.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I think.
SPEAKER_00I think so too. I'm pretty sure. But I couldn't remember if you didn't.
SPEAKER_01I think I had all of them, honestly.
SPEAKER_00I tried, so I had Tinder, I tried Bumble, I didn't care for that. Um, maybe that's because I'm shy and I don't like to make the first move like that. So oh yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_01The girls do have to make the first move. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that was like, eh. So I kind of stuck to Tinder and this, that, and the third. And so this is the latter part of 2021. And I come across a guy who super liked me. And if you have Tinder or you had Tinder, and like super like is something that like I think people pay for. Like they pay like the premium Tinder.
SPEAKER_01I think Tinder gives you like a certain amount of like super likes before you actually have to pay for it.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01Because like I do, I do know what you're talking about, and I think I've done that before, but I didn't pay for it. They just like if you sign up for an account, then it gives just gives it to you for it's like five maybe or something like that.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Yeah. See, I didn't know that. Um, all I knew is that it came across as like so-and-so super liked you. I was like, oh. And so I like scroll through this guy, and he says he's here in Wichita. I was like, cool, he's my type, full sleeve tattoo and Hispanic and good-looking guy. And so I was like, sure, why not? And so I swipe and we match and like just chit-chat back and forth. And I ended up one night, like, I think I was just bored. I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, I'm just at my apartment, and I was like, Cool, want to hang out? And he was like, sure, come on over. And I went over to his apartment, and I've always been weary about certain things like that. Every time that I would go meet up a with a guy or even a girl or whatever, I would always wear my Apple Watch and I'd always let someone know.
SPEAKER_02Me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you or um a girlfriend of mine I had during that time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, hey, I'm going here. You have my location.
SPEAKER_01I we uh me and Well, actually, maybe not me, because that's when we like first got No, this was like later in the year.
SPEAKER_00We we've been we we were connected, we were like at the hip.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_00Um, so it could have been you, but I know Oh yeah, duh, never mind.
SPEAKER_01Ignore what I just said.
SPEAKER_00With her, I'd always say we had a system called the SOS system. What are we talking about? Oh no You know exactly who I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_01I forgot about her.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Hi, sorry. Womp womp.
SPEAKER_01Object permanence, it's part of the autism.
SPEAKER_00So we had this thing called the SOS system, which I think I kind of had with you too, where if I felt like I was uncomfortable or I didn't like a situation, I would just like hit you or I'd hit her and I would just sign SOS and send it, and someone would call me immediately and be like, Your dog died. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Like just some crazy shit.
SPEAKER_00Some crazy shit just get me out of a situation.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And if it wasn't working, then I'd just be like, call 911.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00Um did not happen with this guy. Like it was like super chill from the jump. Um, he was super relatable, and it was such a breath of fresh air to meet someone who I had so much in common with and that I could like just chill with as a friend. Like it just felt like like as a friend. Right. Well, obviously that developed a lot into more. And for six months of my life, I was submerged in the good old situationship that I think everyone has been in in some point in time in their life where they're just invested in someone and you just want it to develop into something more. True. And in this case, it really didn't. And uh gosh, so it was like end of 2021, February 2022. Um, something happened, and I'm not gonna like put his business out there like that. Um, because we're we're still friends, and I just that's just not my style. Something happened, and he actually ended up ghosting me, threw me for a fucking lube. You know, I crashed the fuck out. And I was like distraught for like months on end of like no one's ever gonna love me. Like, if he couldn't love me, who's gonna love me?
SPEAKER_01You were digmatized.
SPEAKER_00I I was digmatized. Um, because on top of everything else, you know.
SPEAKER_01It's always the Hispanic men, I swear to God.
SPEAKER_00Say it one more time for the class.
SPEAKER_01It's always the Hispanic men.
SPEAKER_00I'm telling, yeah. And you wanna know what's so funny, is as I got to know this person, obviously started to really like him, started to love him as who he was. And I then the thing that I think really fucked me up is the potential of who I knew he could be.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And who I wanted him to be, because I knew he could get there if I quote unquote I can fix him type shit.
SPEAKER_01Which oh sweetie.
SPEAKER_00I know, which stems from my childhood, and we'll get to that. I think that's in the next one. That's like also saying that's the origin of the story. Um and so that's where I was just fucked up. And when he ghosted me, I just could not wrap my head around why. And I just remember like Kaylani came out with a song, that one with Justin Bieber. He's also a big Justin Bieber fan, so this probably did not help at all. It's all about her Blue Water Road album.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00Oh, Up All Night. Up at Night, excuse me, Up at Night with featuring Justin Bieber.
SPEAKER_01Never heard of it.
SPEAKER_00Yes, you have. I'll play it for you because I don't want to get copyright infringement if I play it now. I'll play it for you later. Um, that song came out around that time, and I was like, ugh, owie, my heart. And I actually, and you thought I was so psychotic for this. And maybe I was. Maybe I was. Maybe I'm about to expose myself right now.
SPEAKER_01We were very unhappy. At that time. Very unhinged. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And I ended up writing him a letter. Because.
SPEAKER_01Oh my God, you did. Bitch.
SPEAKER_00I think you may not know this part because I think I told you I didn't send it. But I you sent it.
SPEAKER_02But I sent it. No, you told me that part.
SPEAKER_00Okay, good. I was like, oh, he's about to beat my ass. I sent him this like two-page letter or some shit like that of just like pouring my heart out of like, I loved you. I thought I did everything right. I don't understand. Why can't you love me? Da-da-da-da. I whatever, whatever. I hope you find what you're looking for, because obviously I wasn't it. Like kind of shade. Because again, I was hurt and sent it off to him. Never even heard from him then. It wasn't until of course this always happens too. Like when you're you're healing. Because I went to therapy afterwards. The thing that I think set me up for where I am now is I not only did I go to therapy and I realized you're you might be a little bit of the problem. Um, but I also got back into like my spirituality, which I lost a lot of sight with.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00And it helped me get back on track spiritually and kind of discover who I was or am or whatever. It kind of set me up on this path of like, go seek therapy, go get back into what grounds you, what roots you. And it was like fucking, we went to the Ozarks that year for the 4th of July. Do you remember this? And we went to the Ozarks, we stayed with some friends, and then we drove back that night, and we went to my sister's house.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we're hanging out with my sister and my my brother-in-law and my uh niece, my nephew, all their friends, whatever, and I get this notification on my Snapchat, and it's this guy. And I was like, What in the fuck is happening right now? And I accept it. And I was like, What's up, stranger? And I was like, Oh hell. And eventually we kind of squashed what was happening because like I said, something did happen to him during this time that kind of derailed him, I think. And it just cut and I was just collateral damage in that. So after talking and getting a chance to kind of mend and like lick old wounds, like I said, we're we're we're friends now. And I told him, I was like, hey, I'm gonna put you in an episode. And he was like, Oh, so you're just gonna talk about how much of a piece of shit I am. I was like, No, I'm not gonna do that. Well, yes. Brian's like, well, yes, actually.
SPEAKER_01Um maybe not Ashley, but I will.
SPEAKER_00Um, and yeah, so I mean, that was definitely my mid-season finale because I literally felt like I was mid-season break the fuck down. I questioned everything about myself, my worth, my did I even make the fucking right decision? Should I just have stayed married? You know, like it was almost to that point where I was like, is was is is this even did I choose the right path type shit? Brandon said, not with that bitch.
SPEAKER_01And if you're listening, fuck you.
SPEAKER_00Brandon got smoke for everyone in my life. From that part of my life, everyone's he's got smoke with everyone. Um, so yeah, that's kind of my mid-season finale, and it it was a blessing in disguise 100% with him. And I think this is where I was getting at too. I always would tell people never date men who are from Hutchinson, Kansas. I always said that. That was always something I preached, and it ended up turning into one of those do as I say, not as I do, because he was he's from Hutch. And so maybe that was my red flag too. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01We've all been there.
SPEAKER_00We've all been there. Yeah. What's your midseason finale?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so King Neptune, we reference him a lot.
SPEAKER_00We do.
SPEAKER_01Um, him and I met we've known each other for actually we met through a hookup on Grindr, and we vibed really well. Uh and then I got with that other man that traumatized me.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01You know who you are, bitch.
SPEAKER_00Yes, because we know you listen, bitch.
SPEAKER_01I don't think he does, but you don't think so? No.
SPEAKER_00Well, now you're really a bitch because you don't listen.
SPEAKER_01He might, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Girl, anyways, continue what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So I got with that man, and then King Neptune kind of like disappeared after that. And then we didn't really talk until 22. 22, yeah. Yeah, and that's kind of where things like or I guess we like started hooking up again, and then it kind of like flourished into more, obviously.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, I was over there like every day. We okay, all of my relationships, the first I want to say first six months, are all good.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01Honeymoon stage, lovey dovey, right? Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
SPEAKER_04Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_01But it was good up until we decided to be U-Haw lesbians.
SPEAKER_00And I told you, I remember it was at your going-away party at his house, and you're like, hey, by the way, um, I think that King Neptune is going to come with me to Utah. Because you were already planning on going to Utah, and I knew this, but you told me he was moving with you, and I said, You fucking bulldike lesbian.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I said, Are you sure?
SPEAKER_01I think I was just scared because I was moving to a it was a brand new city, and I was going for a job for dispatcher.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01With Skyleft, and uh I was like, Well, this is going well. Maybe we should do this.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01So we decided, hey, I'm moving to Utah with my boyfriend of three months, I think. Three months, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because me and Jim got together in August. I think you guys are dating in September, October.
SPEAKER_01September, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it was like three months fresh of a relationship and you guys were moving cross country. Yeah. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_01It's crazy boots for sure. For sure.
SPEAKER_00So is that what made it midseason for you?
SPEAKER_01Um so everything was good up until Utah. Uh King Neptune, I love you. You probably don't listen, but he better. Shit really hit the fan in Utah. He blamed me for a lot of shit. He was like, I sold my house. We live fucking 1700 miles away from our friends, our family, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, You made that decision. You made that decision. Like, that's not on me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So Yeah, because you were gonna do it one way or another. You always wanted to get away away from Wichita.
SPEAKER_01I wanted to travel a little bit. I wanted to explore a little bit. Yeah. Uh but I think um it was that, and then he started doing some sketchy stuff, and I was like, mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00It all felt like uh deja vu.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And it was just like eight to like ten months, give or take.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And then shit started to hit the fan. Like I said, he blamed me for everything, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Grown-ass man, by the way.
SPEAKER_00Older than you.
SPEAKER_01Older than me. Yes. Yes. Yes. So that's kind of where I was like, ooh, maybe Ashley was right. Don't be a U-Haul lesbian.
SPEAKER_00Girl, I was one. I know what that was. I know.
SPEAKER_01I know. I didn't listen. Uh, but that was kind of like my mid-season finale. Uh, I mean, we did, I we did end up breaking up in Utah. But I feel like we were better as friends than we were as lovers.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01In my opinion.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, that's why you guys are still friends to this day.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Right. So obviously it all worked out, but it had to set you up for failure. And like where you are now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00To kind of help you grow and get through that shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, guru. Yeah, guru. Yeah, guru.
SPEAKER_00Um, so then the next section in my little quad is the origin story, your tragic background story. And like I said in talking about the man from Hutch, I had this issue of trying to fix something that was never my problem to fix. I've always wanted to be the, but I can fix him, or I see the potential in what you can be. And you can't see that, but I'm gonna try to make you see that because I see everything that you should be or could be, and you're just choosing to not do that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That all stems, I think, from my childhood of my mom and my dad. My dad was my dad's no longer around. Um, he was always the hard worker. He per was our family provider. So he was like never home. He was gone five, six days a week. He worked 12-hour shifts and this, that, and the third. Um, but I was a daddy's girl through and through. I loved my dad. He's the reason why I love the Kansas City Chiefs so much. Uh, we loved watching football because that's like what he did. His days off were on Sundays, and he was drinking Bud Lights and watching football. And hey, that's that's what Daddy Mike liked.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00Um and so he's the reason I developed things for like football, and um, in the summer we'd always swim. He's the reason why I love to cook and why I love to bake because that's what he enjoyed doing himself, and I had all that, but primarily I had my mom, and my mom and I did not get along growing up. No, no, no, we were we are still to this day complete opposites. If anyone's into astrology, my mom is a bull-headed Taurus, and I am a like logical Aquarius, and so we just never meshed. Um, it was really hard in that way because she was never obviously affectionate either. Right. And I feel like I'm a very affectionate person. I love expressing how I feel. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I love intellectual communication and expressing feelings like that, and she was never that, but she was my primary parent. Right, and so I feel like that's where a lot of that comes from is I see potential in, well, my mom could have been that, and so I chased that because that's what I wanted. I never got it. I kind of always waited for my parent to be better, and unfortunately it that did not happen, and I really had a lot of turmoil into my teen years with her, to where I moved out when I was 18, and I just like said I'm done. And I feel like that also allowed me to have like codependent relationships. So I was in these really bad relationships with these men, one of which I I know that you know very well of, and um it was just so bad. Everything was so bad.
SPEAKER_01Um I forgot about him real quick.
SPEAKER_00The str if you guys could see the stress on Brandon's face right now.
SPEAKER_01I didn't even, I wasn't even like, we weren't even, I mean, we were we were like friends, but like we weren't we separated a little bit because you went off to K-State and did all the things that you had to do. All the drugs.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you got into drugs and I was just not doing well, you know. It's like in the game of life where you're like you can either choose to go to college or you can choose to start life. I had the opportunity to go to college, but I chose a relationship. Right. And I chose to start life over going and furthering my education, and I wish I would have gone the opposite way. But that's like what you said, you live and you learn. Um, so that's kind of my origin story. That's kind of where set up my I was very insecure and I didn't value myself and my worth. Because I never I never was taught how to or was given the space to realize, like, oh, you can be better. Because my parents never did that for me.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00They never gave me those tools, and it's like, no T, no shade. Love my parents. Obviously, my dad has passed on, and my mom and I have a way better relationship now that I'm older, and I maybe that's because of my dad's passing when people pass away, it can change who you are. Right. And I think maybe that did that for her. Um But yeah, that's kind of where I just your sticker fell. I know my little sticker fell off. That's kind of where things happen for me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00My Batman origin story. Your Batman origin story.
SPEAKER_01Um, I'd also I think for my origin story personally, I would also say mommy and daddy issues. Both of my parents were very supportive, gave me what I needed. Right. Uh obviously they loved me. Didn't I wouldn't say see, and this is I don't know, because it's like I don't remember my childhood. And we were talking about that before. Cause like most men don't remember their childhoods up to like a certain age.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01Um I think I was more of like a mama's boy.
SPEAKER_00I can see that. I think you still kind of are.
SPEAKER_01I think my sister was a daddy's girl. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Because we just they vibed more together than compared to like me and my mom.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Because my mom and my sister are like me and my mom.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very much.
SPEAKER_01Um I think it was just like the lack of affection. I mean, they showed affection, but like it was very minimal. Scarce.
SPEAKER_00Sure. Kind of I'd say. Because were your parents like hugs and kisses and see neither were mine. No. And that's what I wanted.
SPEAKER_01No. And I and it wasn't even like it wasn't verbal either.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, obviously they'd say like, I love you, but it was I think I was craving more of like a physical aspect to it. Sure. Yeah. Um. So I think with going back on main character montage and mid-season finale, I was craving physical and mental like stability. Like validation and stability. Yeah. If that makes any sense.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I feel like a lot of I don't know, this could be me just talking out of my ass. But I feel like a lot of our generation's generational trauma is very similar. And I feel like that is a very um repetitive thing. I feel like a lot of people I talk to when they talk about why they go to therapy or or why they want to be better, it's because of those things. And the people who choose not to do that and choose to repeat those cycles, it's very obvious.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because you want to just hide that in the back of your head, like, oh no, I'm fine. And then you just pass it on to your children and your children's children. And because you just you I think you know that things needed to be fixed, and then just chose not to acknowledge that. But the people who acknowledge it, I see it's all very similar patterns. And maybe that's just in our parents and how they were raised, and they didn't know any better.
SPEAKER_01And maybe it's just that generation. I don't yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00I know my mom personally, she hates the idea of therapy. She doesn't understand therapy. She's like one of those that's like, I'm just fine. You uh y'all need someone to like psychosis me. Okay, so moving on to the director's cut. Um, this is kind of a fun one. It was a what you would never edit out of your life story. So, like something in your life that happened where you're like, no matter what, Martin Scorsese or Guillermo Del Toro says, I'm not cutting this out of my life.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And so for me, it's meeting you. I know that kind of sounds like I'm stroking your dick a little bit and like flicking your clit, but please do both of those. Um you have been the most consistent person in my life since like what the first grade, second grade, and most early, early elementary for sure. Yeah. And just like been a big dog and just been writing. And I can't tell you like how appreciative I am of that. And yeah. So I feel like that's something I would never cut out of my life. Uh, that would have to be like obviously one of the main things that would happen in my story is meeting you and then going through all of our shit.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00So that's it.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna say the same as well.
SPEAKER_00So you're gonna stroke my dick and flick my glit too.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna eat you out, girl.
SPEAKER_00Oh, there ain't no other way.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we I mean, we uh we have known each other for So long. Literally more than over half of our lives. Christ's life. I mean, we did have like a little falling out, but yeah, not to where it's like completely cut each other off, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Right. And I feel like that was one of the things that more so in recent years, because I've experienced this where and I will get to this in I have something called actionable plot mindsets, and that is something where one of those is an aesthetic pivot of like, I don't mind being the like the evil in your story. Yeah. And one of those things is no matter how many times we've had disagreements or arguments or falling outs, there's always been a common ground of respect for each of us because we've known each other for so long. Right. So and we I think also because that we know how we function, we know how our minds work, right? And so we know how to give space when it's needed, how to rekindle everything, rekindle things if things were to happen. So again, thanks for riding, big dog. I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01You my bitch.
SPEAKER_00I'm your bitch. You my bitch. And you my bitch.
SPEAKER_01Period.
SPEAKER_00T clock. So kind of moving into those, there's like little quick stories. There's one called The Funny Later Rule, and it's like cry now, laugh later. And this one I think is so funny to me. And I know we laughed about it when we were driving to Casey. Yeah. Um, so I am known for a lot of things. Um, some are good, some are questionable. Some now that my father has passed on, and if he's able to like press the rewind in my life, he's probably like, holy shit, who did I raise? And this is something I like to call homie hopping. Um, so everyone knows Big Jim. We love Big Jim. I did not meet Big Jim directly. I actually, again, Tinder, loved her, hate her. I met a guy on Tinder, and like we chatted, we like talked to each other for a month, and then a month into it, I mean, he was real honest and he was like, Hey, I I love like your vibe and I love you like as a uh like as a homie, but I don't think I could ever see you as anything more than that. And I'm like, I hope you can respect that. And one thing I will always say, especially with men nowadays, I love transparency. If you're able to like have that conversation and like you're just straight up, you're straight up, like that's big dick energy. And he had that, and I respected that enough, and I liked him as a friend, and we're still really good friends to this day. Um, but there was a time when we were talking in that month, he invited me to a wedding and said, Hey, my buddy, he's getting married. Um, let's go. Well, I guess it was more like his buddy's little sister. Kids like grew up together, whatever. Went to this wedding, and it was a dry wedding. At this point in my time of my life, I was drinking a lot, or and I was smoking, and I was doing all these You were smoking more than you were drinking, yeah. Yeah, but still a dry wedding. I have never been to one of those. I will never go to another one of those. Are you kidding me? I love a good, at least champagne.
SPEAKER_01You've been to a dry wedding?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's what that was.
SPEAKER_01Oh, ew.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So he was like, let's go back into town, because it was out of town, it was an out-of-town wedding. He goes, let's go back in the town, let's go to the stop. He goes, All my friends are there.
SPEAKER_01You guys have the fucking stop.
SPEAKER_00So the stop has been a big staple point in my life. Um, if anyone is from Wichita, or even not from Wichita, and you like lived on the south side or known people from the south, you know about the stop. Little hole in the wall piece shit. It's great though. Um, and I just happened to make a joke, and I said, I'm gonna let you know right now, I am very likable. If you introduce me to your friends, you will never be able to get rid of me. Nonetheless. Alas.
SPEAKER_02And did.
SPEAKER_00And I was correct.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um just so happened to meet one of his best friends who was there that night. They've been best friends since middle school, and that was Big Jim. Now, I will say Big Jim and I did not have any type of physical, romantic relationship for about a year and a half into like a friendship. We were just like straight homies.
SPEAKER_01It was a long time before anything like actually happened. Actually happened.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Um, it was the summer of 2022, like end of July, early August, that's when we got together, when things actually like full speed ahead.
SPEAKER_01Took the fuck off. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And which was great. But we were just like good homies, whatever. And when it evolved, that's when it became an issue. I think more so on Jim's side, because that was his best friend for so long, and he knew that he just didn't want anything to like have any harsh feelings, which other I got, but at the same time, me and this other person like already established that like we were good just as friends. And we have been friends for a year plus at that point in time, because we stayed. But yeah, that was one of those like stressful moments in the beginning of my relationship with Jim that was like cry now, laugh later. This will be funny later on when we tell the story.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And so when everyone asks people who don't know us or meet us or whatever, they're like, How did you guys meet? Jim always laughs and he goes, I think you should tell this story. And it just comes back to me being like, I'm a homie hopper.
SPEAKER_02Homie hopper.
SPEAKER_00That's it. I can't I can't explain it anymore. And he ain't shit for it too. And he's like, damn straight. Um, so yeah, that's my funny later rule. My little story. Do you have one of those?
SPEAKER_01Don't okay, rule number one: do not catch fucking feelings for a sugar daddy. Okay. Just just don't do it.
SPEAKER_00Every time we go to Kansas City, I think of this man.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Uh okay, so basically, to make a long story fucking short, I'm not gonna shove jelly beans up my ass.
SPEAKER_00But you should.
SPEAKER_01But I'm going to later.
SPEAKER_00While he's watching the crow. Right.
SPEAKER_01And jerking off.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And jorking it.
SPEAKER_00And jorking it.
SPEAKER_01Uh so I met this man, I think we were in Kansas City, is how I met him through Grinder. Yes. And we hit it off uh pretty much immediately, I'd say. I started going up there a lot. He started paying for things, giving me money, which we hadn't like, we didn't really talked about. Like he just kind of did it.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, okay, this is cool. So we're gonna do a little callback. Don't fuck with Hispanic or Latino men. Just don't do it. Okay. It's not good. It's never good. Um so we hit it off. Uh I went up there I'd say every other weekend.
SPEAKER_00You were up there quite a bit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um I just stayed in his he was like a he was like a dorm advisor almost. Yeah. Like a resident kind of. So I just stayed in his dorm. It was basically like an apartment. We'd hang out, we'd fuck, he'd give me money. God, it makes me sound like a process.
SPEAKER_00He is it's very, it's very pretty woman. Very Julia Roberts pretty woman.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and he like couldn't get enough and just like I don't know what the fuck happened, but it was like I again six months to six to eight months. It's just like it almost felt like love bombing a little bit.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um I mean, not really love bombing because like it that that part of the relationship didn't progress into that.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01If that makes sense, right? But obviously he liked me and he liked hanging out with me because he'd be like, Are you coming? When are you coming over? Right. It's like I want to see you.
SPEAKER_00And Thackeray said, never.
SPEAKER_01Me too, girl. Uh, but there was one time, well, it just took one time, honestly. Uh I wouldn't say he ghosted me, but it was like the communication was just cut the fuck off. Yeah. I don't know what had happened. He wouldn't tell me, he wouldn't talk to me, and I was like, uh.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you crashed out on that one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I was like, what the fuck?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. It was very much a cry now laugh later.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, because every time we go to Casey now, I think about him, and I think about when he sent you like $100 just for Dutch Bros.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we would go, we're like, we got Dutch Bros, buddy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And I was like, okay.
SPEAKER_00Like, damn, it's just for Red Bulls. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_01He just sent it. I didn't even ask for it. He just fucking sent it.
SPEAKER_00He would just do it, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that was definitely a cry now laugh later.
SPEAKER_01We still kind of talk like randomly. Uh he lives in California now, so Oh, does he really? Yeah, he moved back to California.
SPEAKER_00Nice.
SPEAKER_01He's from Cal he he was born and raised in California.
SPEAKER_00But where does he live at in California?
SPEAKER_01Uh somewhere in like LA, I think, or something. Oh, okay. But he's still not out.
SPEAKER_00And oh, so and that's see, that's the whole thing about the story. He was a DL man.
SPEAKER_01He was a DL man.
SPEAKER_00And it's always the DL men that'd be doing this.
SPEAKER_01And my dumbass caught feelings for a DL man.
SPEAKER_00A Latino DL man.
SPEAKER_01To be fair though, this was my first DL man.
SPEAKER_00It's always the first for Brandon.
SPEAKER_01It is. And it's bullshit. So yeah, that was my cry now laugh later story.
SPEAKER_00Love that.
SPEAKER_01Well, I wouldn't say that. But yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_00Right, right, right, right. Right. Love it for me. It was always fun to hear.
SPEAKER_01Fuck you.
SPEAKER_00Um another like little side story is called the Guest Star Energy story. So this was kind of one that when you're not like the main character in this, you're the sideline story in someone else's story, but it's like if they had their movie, you definitely are in it because you make the cameo. You know what I mean? Okay, I have a story. Again, Hutchinson men. No good. No good. Please, for the love of Christ. Um I this girl, remember we were talking about this girl earlier. Okay. She was seeing a guy in Hutch. Yes. Ironically, my Hutchman knew this Hutchman because they wrestled together. Oh, girl, trust me, I knew. I happen to mention this story.
SPEAKER_01So am I wondering?
SPEAKER_00So am I. So am I? It feels like a whole lifetime ago. It feels like we're not even those people anymore.
SPEAKER_01It's crazy to think that was only like a year and a half.
SPEAKER_00Like two years of our lives.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_00That's insane. Anyways. Um yeah. So I was telling him this story. He goes, Who is this person? I was like, you won't know him. He goes, one bitch. If he if he's from Hutch, I probably do.
SPEAKER_01Hutch is pretty small. Yeah. It's not like Winchester Word.
SPEAKER_00Right. And I was like, okay, so it's so and so. He goes, Oh, he's a piece of shit. I was like, oh, thank God. And so we we we would talk shit on this guy. Anyways, at this point in time, they were no longer together, okay? And so she starts seeing another man. This man was worse than the Hutchman by far. If I could, I told her this. I was like, if you would go back to the Hutchman, I would be a hundred percent more happy, like happier than the relationship you're in right now. Um so far to where the first time that this I'm I'm not gonna put her life on on blast, I'm not gonna do all that. Like I said, I'm not that type bitch. Um, but there was shit happening in that relationship that was not okay. And it got to the point where I told her, I was like, I'm gonna reach out to so-and-so. Because if anyone's gonna get through to you, it's gonna be him. And I sure as fuck did. And he hated me as much as I hated him. Let's just put that out there. He hated me because I called him out on his bullshit. I call everyone out on their bullshit.
SPEAKER_01You sure do.
SPEAKER_00I you would know.
SPEAKER_01No, I don't. I know. It's not fun.
SPEAKER_00It's not fun to be called out on your bullshit, but someone's gotta fucking do it. And if I'm that bitch, I'm that bitch. Again, I don't mind being evil in anyone's story. I don't. I'm I am definitely evil in his. But I reached out to him and I said, This ain't for me. This is for so and so. He goes, All right, because he he still loved her. Yeah, and I could have respect that. Um, he's like, All right, I'm listening. So I kind of told him like what was up. He goes, What the fuck is happening? I was like, this might be better if we have like a one-on-one conversation like in person. He goes, Well, and at this point in time, he wasn't living in Hutch anymore, he was like working outside of town.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00He was like, Well, I'm gonna be back home this weekend. He goes, Why don't you come up? We'll go get some dinner and we'll we'll we'll chat. I said, Okay, cool. I I got my ass ready and I drove my ass to Hutch. Granted, I only go to Hutch one time a year, and it's for the state fair for my fucking beer garden beer and my butter sculpture and my big pumpkin and my 12-inch long dong corndog, okay.
SPEAKER_01Long dong corndog. Huh.
SPEAKER_00Have you ever had the 12-inch corn dog?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, baby, we've had it together.
SPEAKER_00Oh that's not really sexual. We've we've had 12-inch together. Love that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And as it should be, and as it should be, right?
SPEAKER_00Um, I drive my ass out there. We go to the fucking olive garden, okay? I love olive garden. I'm not I'm not dogging on the olive garden. Ugh, this whole conversation was like the most aggravating shit I've ever had to deal with in my life because he was still so arrogant. He was still the same person, and I hated that shit. But it was enough. It what happened needed to happen because he ended up reaching out to her and kind of diffusing the situation for a little bit. But she was, you know, still got much love for her. Uh she was so dumb as fuck. And she would always go back to this guy. And that happened for a year and a half afterwards. But he he did what I asked him to do, and I could, and that's that's all I wanted. The thing that got me at the end of this dinner, and I don't know if you remember me telling you this or not, I fucking hate a man with an attitude. You know what I mean? Because there ain't no way that your boy pussy is better than my girl pussy.
SPEAKER_01An ugly man.
SPEAKER_00An ugly man. You wanna go, you wanna go. Actually, no, please for the love of God, shut up.
SPEAKER_01Do you remember when I told you that I thought he was kind of attractive? Yes, I remember.
SPEAKER_00And you're like, I said, I'm gonna punch you in the face.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna punch you in the dick.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And here's the thing. Like I said, I hate a man with an attitude because your boy pussy is not better than my girl pussy. If you want to be like that, we can go yitty for yitty and thong for thong. The thing that really got me about this is that he was so arrogant. And I make my own money. I still this day. I got my own bag, girl. And you can always tell my daddy always told me this if men put small bills in front, they're humble. If they fold in the hundred dollar bills so they show outside, that's a red flag. Okay. Which is I still think to this day. He they ask, because they think we're on a date, okay? Ew. The waitress comes up and says, Are we together or separate? Pulls out his wallet, flashes like like a thousand dollars in hundred dollar bills. It was like, I think I can get her. I said, I think not. It reminds me of white chicks, where it's like perhaps a salad? Perhaps not.
SPEAKER_01And that's what it's about the rack of ribs? Mother didn't mean.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. And I said, perhaps not. I got my own. Bitch, I had soup salad breadstick. What'd you go on and give it? Eight dollars with your thousand dollars? Suck my clip, bitch.
SPEAKER_01I don't remember you telling me that.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. I remember I told her that. And she goes, Well, that checks out. I was like, I can't believe you did that piece of shit. Hated that guy. Anyways, that was my That's my guest star energy and her fucking whirlwind of a story. And like I said, it worked for a little bit, then she went right back, and I just hated that because I wasted all my time for nothing.
SPEAKER_01For your soup, salad, and breadsticks.
SPEAKER_00My soup, salad, breadsticks that I paid for my fucking self because fuck you and your big flashy money.
SPEAKER_01You should have robbed him.
SPEAKER_00Should have hit him in his small little penis and just took his d took his thousand dollars. Are you kidding?
SPEAKER_01Smash a glass over his head and steal his money.
SPEAKER_00I would I would love to do that. Probably still to this day. Yeah. I don't even know where the hell he's at. Hopefully six feet deep.
SPEAKER_01Damn.
SPEAKER_00Sorry. Sorry, not sorry. Do you have one? Do you have a guest star story?
unknownNope.
SPEAKER_01Because I'm always main character, bitch.
SPEAKER_00That's very cocky of you. Anyways. Okay, this is this is the topic that I was saying about earlier. This is the aesthetic pivot. This is where, you know, I'm always a villain and never a victim. Because I know punk ass bitch. That's my energy for this whole thing. The thing that this is a story I kind of brought up for this section. And something I've learned recently in a lot of my friendships, relationships, whatever you want to call them. Um because I always love to read the room. And maybe that's me being, again, spiritual energies, kind of feeding off what's right, what's wrong. I like to fill it out. Here's my advice for anyone who is having a confrontation with a friend, a lover, a coworker, or whatever. Always let them start the conversation. Let them say what they need to say. Because what they say will dictate one, how you should respond or shouldn't respond. And two, it will always reveal what their true intent is behind the conversation. Because if it's an actual, like if like if they wronged you, it's an actual I'm sorry, I'm sorry, period. Because I was the one who had my feelings hurt. I need you to acknowledge that and kill it out right there.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00But if it's a I sorry, but I'm sorry, and I don't do that shit. Because you're not sorry.
SPEAKER_01No, they're justifying what they're they're exactly. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00They're justifying what they did to make them feel better. Right. Like, oh, I did this to you.
SPEAKER_01It's almost like a half-assed apology.
SPEAKER_00And I don't do that shit. Yeah. I'm too old for that shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If you're not sorry, just say you're not. I'd much rather you say I'm not sorry for what I did to you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I'd probably do it again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I feel like again, kind of running back to like you and I when we have these conversations, like if if you fucked up, which you know, we've had those conversations, if I fucked up, we've had those conversations. I will owe if I did something and you can have receipts, you know what? You're right, I'm wrong. And I will 100% admit that. And I'm sorry for what I did.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but we always take accountability.
SPEAKER_00And we take accountability for that. Right. People, some people in my life recently did not do that.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_00Ah, you know. And you know exactly who I'm talking about. And the thing is, you know who you are, because I know you probably listen. The first to watch the story, but don't like me. Bitch, it's weird. Weird ass energy. Here's the thing. When it comes to these certain things, I just I try I just washed my hands of it. Because when that conversation happened and I let them go first, my response back was, I think we're done with this conversation. And I wish you nothing but the best. Because why would I because what here's what I can do? Another thing that these people should understand is that when you're having these conversations, then it's not like just a one-on-one. Like we've had issues where it's just one-on-one us.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But if you have an issue and there's other parties involved that have timelines and receipts and things like that that can validate, you cannot change history to favor your narrative. And I think some people don't understand that.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Because there were some situations like with this said person that happened that even involved you. And you're like, no, that's wrong. Because I was in that conversation. But we had that conversation when I was having this fallen out with this person. And you're like, oh no, Ashley, yeah, you're right. Because we had these text threads, and it was that it was I had conversations with some of my other girlfriends who are also involved with this person that said, Ashley, that's not right. Right. Because I was in that, or that timeline doesn't match up because of this. True. And that's when it really clicked for me because I really was thinking, like, damn, am I a real piece of shit? No. No. But here's the thing. Again, I never expressed anything. Because there's there's there are some people in this world that if you it's like a boy in um bird box, that meme where he's opening up the girl's eyes to look into the sun.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And like I can do that to people and say, look, the sun is yellow and the sky is blue. And they're gonna be like, no, the sun is green and the sky is purple.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00No matter what you do, there are just gonna be some people in this world that just won't see what you see.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00No matter how many receipts you throw in front of them. So at this point, it's almost like let them. That quote. Just let them. Let them win the conversation, let them win the argument, let them think that, you know, you're this evil, manipulative, you know, pessimist of a person.
SPEAKER_01Sure. Because you're not explaining yourself, basically. Yeah. Yeah. You're gonna let them win the argument.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna let them win the argument.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And move on with my life. Right. Because I don't need to have that in my life to begin with.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00Or anyone who would care to associate with said persons. Because again, if you're moving with them but you want to move with me, I think that's weird. That's weird energy for me.
SPEAKER_01Um, it's weird behavior for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So cut it and I let it go. And that is where that aesthetic pivot. And that's why in my mind, I was like, you wanna know what? You don't have to be liked all the time. You can be.
SPEAKER_01And I think that's like as we're getting older, we're like realizing that we some people we just don't need in our lives, you know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I saw this thing that said, if you don't lose people as you grow older, then you're doing something wrong. Because as you grow and as you evolve and heal yourself, there are some people that just won't align with what you align with anymore. And that's okay, and you can let them go and let them go do with their things. Um, and I think I've realized that again, I think we mentioned it in like the first episode. Like 2025 was a real rough year for me because I shed a lot of skin.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00Some of those were people that I thought would be around for a long time. Yeah, and it just they're not in my deck of cards anymore. And it's funny, as soon as you let some of that energy go, those people, that job, that whatever, how much lighter you feel as a human.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00I feel so good every single day. Like, I don't, I cannot tell you the last time I had a really bad day. And I think a lot of that has to do with who I surround myself with and what I do and where I put my mind and you know, so on and so forth. Do you have an aesthetic pivot, a dark arcadia of a moment where you're like, you wanna know what? Paint me out to be the bad guy. Because I don't give a shit or a fuck.
SPEAKER_01See, this one's hard because I don't I don't think I have like a specific point or like or a situation that had happened to me where I'm like, I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_00If you don't like me, then I feel like that's just you in general though.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I don't think I have like a specific point for it though, honestly. I'm I think I mean let me rephrase. I haven't always been like that. Right. I think as my brain developed and I hit 25.
SPEAKER_00And some of these people haven't hit trunk 25.
SPEAKER_01Mama! Mama! You're telling me um, yeah, I don't know. I just don't think uh I don't think I have anything, I think of at a certain point, like I was saying after like 25, I'm like fuck it. If you want to be my life, be in my life. If not, then there's a door.
SPEAKER_00Oh, with the middle finger out. Bye, bitch. Right out the right up the ass and out. Like you pick them up like Pinocchio, right? Just talk about them like a like a fucking puppet. Yeah, exactly. That's cunty. I love that. Um, but yeah, I think that is kind of on my points. I think that kind of is doing it for the plot. At least that's how we did it for the plot. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Um girl, we had a lot of do-it-for-the-plot moments.
SPEAKER_00Telling you. Um, yeah, so I think it's safe to say that we have always, again, done it for the motherfucking plot.
SPEAKER_01Call it doing it for the plot or just staying true to who you are.
SPEAKER_00100%. And either one, honestly, I've learned, again, a lot of things in my 20s, but one thing I know, two things for sure, and three things to live by. One, leave people where they at. Two, accept situations for what they are, and three, not every action needs a reaction. People will always show they ass one way or another.
SPEAKER_01I know that's right, babe. I'm so proud of us.
SPEAKER_00Right. Me too. And again, Papa, thank you for always steady rocking with me. I appreciate you.
SPEAKER_01Always right back at you. Thanks for listening, Committed Gang. I'm Brandon.
SPEAKER_00And I'm Ashley, and this is Committed Technically.