Committed Technically
You know that one friend you’re so close with that people start asking questions? Yeah, we turned that into a brand.
Introducing Committed Technically: A podcast by two people who are "married" to the hustle (and each other’s drama). It’s for the confused friends, the curious bystanders, and anyone who loves a good platonic power couple.
Let’s Chat & Yap.. It’s going to be a long, weird honeymoon.
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Committed Technically
Welcome to D-Pic University
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Let's be real; sending a spicy photo is an art form, but far too often, it ends up looking like a cryptid sighting caught on a blurry security camera. This week, we're deep diving into the ultimate guide to taking a proper dick pic. From lighting choices to the angles that actually do you justice, we're breaking down the essential do's and absolute don'ts of digital intimacy.
So, it's time to tune in Committed Gang, because we have some hilarious, unfiltered, and practical advice you didn't know you needed. Let's chat and yap about it!
Distribution: Buzzsprout
Editing and Production: Riverside.FM Studios
Music: "Good Things Take Time" by Otto.mp3 and Upbeat
Hell yeah, brother.
SPEAKER_02That was I forgot about the high gay. Anyways, do you want to know something crazy? What's that? Somewhere out there right now, at this very exact moment, a man is opening his camera andor Snapchat with confidence he absolutely did not fucking earn.
SPEAKER_01Mama, okay, so every dick pic is either from like six feet above in complete darkness or with a toilet covered in piss stains, I swear to god.
SPEAKER_02Girl, this is why we're informing the committed gang on how to take a proper nude.
SPEAKER_01Mama, those camera angles should be investigated by the authorities because why? Why are we doing the things that we're doing?
SPEAKER_02Let's try and have about it. Lego! Welcome back to the committed technically podcast, where today we're going to talk about sending nudes. There are two types of people in this world: people who send terrible dick pics and people who are receiving these god-awful dick pics. RIP girl. Andor andor boy, I don't know. Today we are addressing a crisis that has been ignored for far too fucking long. The technology has evolved. The camera has evolved. And somehow the photos have gotten worse. Welcome, bitches.
SPEAKER_00Welcome, bitch. I'm like, I'm laughing. I'm laughing because when he said crisis, all I could think of was like that orange big bitch in the office.
SPEAKER_01Where he's you know how he does everything besides do like the actual things that the country needs. Yeah. And I could just see him standing up at the podium be like, alright, so we got a crisis on our hands.
SPEAKER_00Right. How to take rabbi dick pigs. And he just like starts talking about how to take a dick picture when he can't see his own dick.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god. I was like, which orange pig pension? I'm like, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02That fuck.
SPEAKER_00That guy. Got it.
SPEAKER_02No, not guy. Fuck. That fuck. That fuck. Anywho. Alright, girl.
SPEAKER_01Okay. How you want? Start it off. Where are we starting?
SPEAKER_02We're talking about what we're not gonna fucking do, okay? I call it the hall of shame.
SPEAKER_01The hall of shame dick.
SPEAKER_02Hall of shame of dick pics. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02Let's just start off with the first one. Okay. Okay, so you picture this. Guy's taking a dick picture. Right? He has his phone by his crotch, okay? Right. Right. The camera's pointed towards his dick. You can basically just see the dick in the balls, okay? Okay. And what what we're not doing anything with the face, okay? And all you see is his double chin. The downward double chin. Please stop. Just just stop, okay?
SPEAKER_00Like so focused on trying to get the angle that you just see like double chin and straight, like concentrated.
SPEAKER_02What's crazy is that they could still fucking edit the photo and get their face out of the picture.
SPEAKER_01But they're I know you're probably getting these obviously from either DL guys or you've gotten these from like gay men, right?
SPEAKER_02No, the gay men don't do it.
SPEAKER_01So it's just the DL guys.
SPEAKER_02It's the DL guys.
SPEAKER_01So it's just you straight fuckers.
SPEAKER_02Right. Get it together.
SPEAKER_01Fuck.
SPEAKER_02That's one of them. Okay, the next one. Okay. The dirty mirror jump scare. Get a full body length mirror. You're naked. You got your dick out. It's hard. Right. Ready? Take a picture. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_02And you have the audacity.
SPEAKER_00Tonight, wipe down your fucking mirror.
unknownBrother.
SPEAKER_02It's just like the little things, you know? Like, especially if you're sending it to a girl, girls pay attention to that shit.
SPEAKER_01I was literally gonna say, like, the worst thing is so you're getting the dick pick and it's like that, right? Like, sure, like I'm looking at the dick. Like, sure.
SPEAKER_02But then I'm looking at you're really not though. You're looking at like everything else. I'm seeing like what's what does the room look like? Is the mirror clean? Which probably fucking not.
SPEAKER_01No, and I'm seeing like splotchy mirror. I'm seeing open toothpaste and toothpaste on the counter. I'm seeing like rings in the toilet because you left the toilet seat up because you're a fucking nasty fuck. Um, I see clothes on the ground. Yeah. And then for some reason, why do I see like a lash? Whose lash is that? Is that your lash? Or you just be fucking other bitches? Why are you sending me your dick? Send her the dick with your splotchy ass mirror.
SPEAKER_02The lash is probably his girlfriend.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. That's a that's another that's another thing we can talk about. It's just just clean your fucking clean your space.
SPEAKER_01Clean your space before you take a pick.
SPEAKER_02It's not that hard.
SPEAKER_01No. Even like a normal fully clothed.
SPEAKER_02Even if you have to throw it in the fucking corner. Girl, do something. Hide it. Okay, anyways.
SPEAKER_00We're getting too heated on the dirty mirrors.
SPEAKER_02Well, no, it's just I've had it happen to me, and I'm like.
SPEAKER_01What a turn off.
SPEAKER_02I usually just left them on red. And I was like, girl, get your fucking life together. Okay, anyways, next topic. So so um So Ashley has uh much experience with this uh this next little uh point. Taking a picture of your dick on the toilet.
SPEAKER_01So much drama, girl. Okay, like I received dick pics from like in the bed. I received dick like from normal places, bathrooms. But this bathroom picture, like I don't understand, and I kind of touched based on this, I think, on one of the last episodes that we did.
SPEAKER_02This is uh this is why we're doing this episode because you said that. I was like, oh my god, we should do that.
SPEAKER_01We should. I don't understand what in this like do you want to tell me that you don't have like archives of your dick? Like, if you're single and like you're an avid dick pic sender, you don't have like things hiding in like the arsenal. The arsenal. Right. Why are you at the quick trip bathroom, right? You're at the quick trip community bathroom, sitting on the toilet, taking a dick. Your pants are around your ankles, bro. There's pee on the seat. Yeah, like you peed while you were taking a shit, and then like shook your dick a little bit, and then took a picture of your dick mid like semi-hard. I and your dick didn't even look clean.
SPEAKER_02I just I just want to know what goes on in your brain.
SPEAKER_01I wish I knew his name. I cannot remember for the life of me what his name was, but I want to call him out.
SPEAKER_02Probably be it's probably a good thing you don't know his name. Right, probably a good thing. Right. Um now that I think about it, I've actually also gotten one of those, but it wasn't piss. There was a literal shit in the toilet.
SPEAKER_00You just see like in the dark crevice of the of like the It was just lurking in the girl.
SPEAKER_02Do you know what I did?
SPEAKER_00What did you do?
SPEAKER_02I blocked him.
SPEAKER_01I as you should. Yeah. As you should. I would have probably taken it, screenshot it, zoomed in on it, on the shit itself, sent it back to him, be like, this is what I think of you. And then blocked him. But you know what's crazy? What?
unknownYou found a way back into my phone.
SPEAKER_00They always find a way back.
SPEAKER_02Got the voodoo claim, I guess. Um knock it the fuck off. Honestly, just just knock it off, okay?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, that's like yeah, just knock it off. What are you what are we doing?
SPEAKER_01What are you doing? If your dick had a Facebook profile, make sure it's presentable. Like, what's your Facebook profile picture look like? Presentable, clean, nice. People want to know, like that's like the first thing they see, right? Yeah. Do the wit with your dick. Make sure your dick is presentable.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01Little bow tie.
SPEAKER_02It's clean.
SPEAKER_01And it's clean.
SPEAKER_02Like trim your bush.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02Hide the shit. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01If you're sending videos of like you're stroking your dick, like cut your nails, clean your nails. Right. Like, look like you're well groomed. Don't, don't, don't shock the bitch. Don't shock the dude.
SPEAKER_02No, we're not trying to be like, we're not trying to be hate and hoes, okay.
SPEAKER_01No, but we're hating hoes.
SPEAKER_02We're hating, but we're trying to help you out too. Right. So you can get it in.
SPEAKER_01We're kind of venting right now, uh, all the times. Girls. But you know what? We are really trying to help you. So, how can we help them? So he said, okay, don't do these.
SPEAKER_02So now what those are just like some things that you absolutely 100 fucking percent should not be doing. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02So we're gonna talk about angles.
SPEAKER_01Angles!
SPEAKER_02Angles Mattle Girl.
SPEAKER_00They do matter.
SPEAKER_02Angles and camera placement. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02So for example, we talked about the downwards double chin, okay?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02Right. Don't do that. Just don't do that. Just don't do that. Don't do that, okay? From personal experience as a man with a penis, okay?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02What I like to do.
SPEAKER_01Tell them what you like to do.
SPEAKER_02Girl. Okay, so I get my dick real hard.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Right. Okay. It's like pulsing almost.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02Also, if you're my family, move it along. We should move it along.
SPEAKER_01Should have warned him. Like, okay. Okay, slide like two minutes from now.
SPEAKER_02No, girl, just skip the episode. No. Don't eat Actually, you can skip to Ashley's part. She don't give a shit. Okay, so anyways.
SPEAKER_00You get your dick super hard.
SPEAKER_02So hard, it's throbbing, okay? Right. Spread my legs open a little bit, okay? And I'll have my camera like mid-torso length. I have my camera open. Yeah. Clean your fucking cameras, your your lenses, okay? Okay. And then you couple your dick with your um with your balls, and you make sure your balls are like evenly placed on either side of your penis. Right, with your penis, with your shaft. Right. Okay. And then you flex your dick, and then you take the picture. That's all you gotta do, girl.
SPEAKER_01I said when he when Brandon was telling me this before we started recording, I said, your penis is probably screaming.
SPEAKER_02Like it's literally screaming, but like we gotta get a good shot, girl.
SPEAKER_01You gotta get a good shot. And then when you it's so good. Guess what, guys? You don't have to do that every single time a girl asks for a dick pic. No. Just like we said, put it in the archives and the arsenal.
SPEAKER_02Right. Like set some time aside. Yeah. Make sure your fucking room's clean. I feel like this is a vent if this is like a venting session. It is.
SPEAKER_01It's like a venting session.
SPEAKER_02Um, but yeah, that's what I like to do. Um, I always get good results. You always get 10 out of 10. Yeah, and I get compli I Jesus, I almost said complaints.
SPEAKER_00No, you never get complaints.
SPEAKER_02They're like, oh my god, your dick looks so good. I'm like, thanks, girl. I know.
SPEAKER_00Thanks, girl. It's attached to me. I know.
SPEAKER_02I grew it myself.
SPEAKER_00I grew it myself.
SPEAKER_02Um so yeah, angles matter, camera placement for sure. Don't be fucking taking your picture like this. Front-facing camera with your fucking head in the background.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, why do we do that?
SPEAKER_02Don't do that. I I've said that so many times already, this episode, but just no. It's not it. It's not the move, girl.
SPEAKER_01It's it's triggering for Brandon, so let's stop doing it.
SPEAKER_02Right. I don't need to see your double chin. Unless you have a nice dick.
SPEAKER_01Unless your dick covers the whole chin.
SPEAKER_02Right, right, exactly. Um so that's just how I like to do it.
SPEAKER_01Um If I had a dick, I'd probably do it like that too. That's that's good.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like it's a good angle. It doesn't the dick looks good. Okay, so yeah, like like like like I said. Pop out the veins, make sure it looks good. Uh if you are taking it in front of a mirror, you know, post a little bit in the camera in front of the mirror.
SPEAKER_01Pop that ass out, girl. Pop that ass out.
SPEAKER_02Make sure the dick pop out. Um, this is another another thing that kind of gets me heated. Do you like hair on a man? Do you like a bush?
SPEAKER_01I really don't care, to be honest.
SPEAKER_02You okay?
SPEAKER_01But here's the thing. Um, I really don't care, but if like you're overly bushed and you want me to go down and like do a little gluck gluck. Right. Uh-uh. I'm not trying to floss my- I flossed before I got here, babe. Floss is crazy.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I got ya.
SPEAKER_03I was sick again. She said that.
SPEAKER_00Brandon was smoking and I caught him off guard. I did not know you were gonna say that.
SPEAKER_01So I stand on business. Like I said, girl, I flossed before I got here. I don't need your pubic hairs to be like in between my teeth. I really don't want to feel it on my tongue because it all gag and I I can't. I can't. So if like you're wanting the whole like the whole shebang, right? Then a trim I would be nice. A trim would be nice.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01But if you're just pound doing if you're just doing pound and we're just we're just pounding and there's no like foreplay.
SPEAKER_02You like a little hair.
unknownYeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You don't want to. On them? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Me? No.
SPEAKER_02So no, no uh naked mole rat.
SPEAKER_01No, no, not on a man. Um, not on a man. And really, I don't really give a shit about the women either, because like, do your thing, Queen. But for me personally, the only hair I like on my body is on top of my head and my eyebrows and my eyelashes. Everything else, bold. Um when it comes to my men, I'm not picky. But if you're purposely going naked Mulrat on purpose.
SPEAKER_02So you're like, you're like in between. No naked Mulrat, but no fucking 70s bush either.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no 70s bush.
SPEAKER_02So like trimmed. Trimmed nice and neat.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and if you have hair other places, like on your chest or your stomach, I don't give a shit about that. Any of that. On your back, I don't give a shit about that.
SPEAKER_02What about hair on your balls?
SPEAKER_01Great question. Hmm. I could probably say that every man that I've been with has had they haven't had like hairy, hairy balls, at least not enough hair to for me to like to give a shit or notice about. Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I really indifferent. Indiffer. Indiffer. Okay. Indifferent about our testicle friends.
SPEAKER_02I I think we're the same person, actually. Because I I I like I like a bush that's trimmed, nice and neat. Yeah. But hairy balls.
SPEAKER_01You can't do it.
SPEAKER_02No, I can. Oh, you can. I love it.
SPEAKER_01You look on the balls. Right.
SPEAKER_03I'm so glad we're not visual.
SPEAKER_00I can't wait to be visual one day.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, a nice little, nice little hairy sack.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_02I love it.
SPEAKER_01It's like um, like little kiwis. Yeah. You know how hairy little fuzzy kiwis.
SPEAKER_00You just like want to squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
SPEAKER_02It's like a stress bowl.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_02But hairy. Okay. So, anyways, trim your fucking bush, okay?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_02Thank you. Um, so this last little bit is um like a hot take for like unpopular but popular opinions. At least for me. Okay. Unsolicited dick picks. Girl, we talked about this a couple episodes ago, I don't remember which one. Right, man. But for me personally, as a gay man, I love waking up and just seeing my man's dick, you know? Be like, hey, I was thinking about you. I was like, oh my god, stong.
SPEAKER_01Okay. You horny bastard.
SPEAKER_02I don't know. It's just the gay man and me.
SPEAKER_01I think it is just the gay man in you, because I don't know, something about me and I'm working, especially like girl, I stay working, right? I work Monday through Friday, I'm doing stuff in between. Like, obviously, we have like our podcasts, we have like business and meetings and work and family and all the things in between. Girl, if I am at my niece or my nephew, little like my like our friend, she has the uh the the two kids, right? Let's say I'm doing something with the kids, and I pop up my motherfucking phone if I was single, right? And I saw and I just open up a snap and it's some man stroking cock, please for the love of Christ. But like at like 11 a.m. in the morning.
SPEAKER_02Like, what if it was your man's dick though?
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's fine.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay. That's confusing.
SPEAKER_01I know. Well, here's the thing. I think the okay, I'll have to call Big Jim out. So, like Big Big Jim, Big Jim got it, right?
SPEAKER_02Well, I don't know, but yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you said I can only imagine.
SPEAKER_00Like to see it, but but you know, the reason Jim, if you're listening, I'm just kidding. No, he's not. Look at him.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, I'm on the fence. It's like 50-50.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You're like, you know, no it, like but actually I do. But you wanna know why you haven't? Because you have seen like the sorry guys, the the guys that like I used to talk to like six years ago where you send me your dick. Guess what? I wasn't the only one who saw it. Like Brandon saw it too. But why Brandon has not seen my boyfriend of four years' dick, he don't send them.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot about that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So like I never had to worry. So like that's really a loaded question for me. Because I've never no that's fair.
SPEAKER_02Damn, right? Also, back circling back to what uh Ash had said, um all the men that had sent me a dick pic, uh I had also shown her your dick pic, and I apologize. But it's just like a just like a little thing we did, you know.
SPEAKER_01We're we're married, like you knew this.
SPEAKER_02If I'm gonna see it, so is my wife.
SPEAKER_01Hello, and if I'm gonna see it, so is my husband.
SPEAKER_02Right. Sorry about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna compare and contrast. Right.
SPEAKER_02Be like, that's a nasty dig. Wait, no, that's a nice dig.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_02Like, take a pound town.
SPEAKER_01Or be like, and be like, oh, look, it's Mr. Shreop.
SPEAKER_02Diabolical.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so sorry, y'all. Anyways.
SPEAKER_02Um, okay, so it depends on for you.
SPEAKER_01Depends on for me, but that's because that's my personal, like, my personal shit. We're like, me and my man don't really have to, and we don't. Um, I mean, sometimes I'll send like something a little like ew.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like if he's out like with his like friends or he's out doing something, and I'm like, I'm bored, and I'll send like some titties. And then he's home in like 20 minutes. Yeah. It's like easy. Right. It's like calling, it's like cat call. It's like ringing the bell out in the country, like, come for supper. Time to eat, pussy.
SPEAKER_02For a split second. For the split second. You said teddy, you said teddy pictures, okay. Right. And then you're s and you ring the bell, right? And you're like, time to eat. And I thought you meant to breastfeed this man.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I mean, we could do that too.
SPEAKER_02Oh, oh, oh, oh.
SPEAKER_00Oh, oh. Okay. Anyways, that's a segue.
SPEAKER_02That was a pretty good segue. I'm sorry for fucking it up. Okay, so I talked about briefly on how to take a dick pic. Right. More or less on what not to do. Right. And what I would do.
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_02So now Ash is gonna be talking about how to take the titty pictures and the ass pictures, because I can't do that.
SPEAKER_01In that thong, thon thong thong. So here's the thing Ladies, men with boobies, nice butts, um to take a picture, you gonna take a titty picture? Anyways, because a lot of the times lesbians, bisexuals and men, when they're receiving, like when like that talk is happening, the talk, like the dirty talk is happening, then the pictures start coming, right? Lesbians and bisexuals who are more on the the lady side of the sexual the you know, spectrum, they all have straight man mindset. You could take a titty pick of you hunched over in the titties dangling like cow udders, and they'll be like, that's so fucking hot. I swear to god, I would. We had visuals, guys. Brandon's face this whole episode.
SPEAKER_00He's so short. And your tits are hanging like cowards. I mean, I've never done that. I'm just like yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Most of the time, my tit pics have been like me laying down. But a lot of that.
SPEAKER_02Well, I've seen a lot of your tit picks.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02So and that one was never brought up. That is actually crazy.
SPEAKER_01So I am shook. I have never taken one like that. But I'm just saying, like, to like generalize how men in like lesbian butch women or bisexual women on that on that spectrum side they think titty is a titty pick. We love a titty pick. Um, most of the time, mine are usually done laying down. It's all about the angles too. So yeah. Depending, I mean, and boobies, boobies are so fun because you can go up, down, side. You can do anything with them. I have a bigger chest.
SPEAKER_02So it's titties.
SPEAKER_01I got them titties, too. I got them 36 triple Ds, girl.
SPEAKER_02The mommy milkers.
SPEAKER_01The mommy milkers. And so a lot of the time it's it's more attractive for me. Like, I think they're more attractive when I lay down because then they're more centered and you have more control over them. And I have more control. Sure. Sure. Titties. But if your boobies aren't as big as mine, and they're like, whatever, girl. Do whatever. Do whatever. A little shower pick with the with the water on the titties. Delicious. I've received those before. Delicious. Um yeah, titty's titties universal. Uh ass though, ass a little different. Okay. Because I got I got an ass. But here's the thing. I got the cakes. It's a little bit how you pose. It's all about the posing again. Because just like with the like fitness influencers and all the influencers you see on like Instagram or TikTok, that's all posing. Does this does their ass truly look like that all the time? No. So it's just in the way that you want to pose. If you want to stand and like do like a full body like peer mirror pick. Um the old apartment I used to have when I was single. Um I had I had my ex install like mirrors, like three mirrors next to each other, and then do LED red lights around. Well, my bed was in there. And so I necessarily wasn't standing when I would take like ass pics, it would more so be like crouched on the bed with a side angle or an angle from the back. And it's all in how you how you feel comfortable posing your body.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01The whole thing is like if you don't have the confidence to take that picture, that will reflect in the picture.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay, that makes sense. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So like if you're like, ugh, I don't look good, girl, you don't look good then. But if you're like, you wanna know what I eat that, you could have like flat ass no-tits. But if like you ate down in your picture and you think you did, and your pose cute and your hair's cute and your makeup's cute, you won't get laid. You're gonna be just fine, girl.
SPEAKER_02So you're talking about just like the whole body picture or like just the ass?
SPEAKER_01Either.
SPEAKER_02Oh, either.
SPEAKER_01Either.
SPEAKER_02I can't take a I can't take an ass picture to save my life, girl.
SPEAKER_01Why?
SPEAKER_02I don't know. I just can't get the poses right.
SPEAKER_01Posing is just so weird, I think, with the butt.
SPEAKER_02I got the big ass too.
SPEAKER_01Girl, just throw on a thong.
SPEAKER_02I don't like thongs. Maybe a jock strap?
SPEAKER_01Throw on a jock.
SPEAKER_02I don't have a jock either.
SPEAKER_01You don't have a jock? No. See, jock could really be good. Because then you could like.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm I'm a big bitch, so I don't know if I'll look good at it. I need to I need to get on those fucking trizepatides. I swear to God. I swear to be skinny.
SPEAKER_01Skeletor.
SPEAKER_02I literally want to look like a skeleton.
SPEAKER_00I know, I know.
SPEAKER_01But like you and another gay I knew.
SPEAKER_02I'm scared though, because I'll lose my ass if I do it.
SPEAKER_01You will, because it literally eats up your muscle.
SPEAKER_02Right. Well, my my ass isn't muscle though. It's just fat.
SPEAKER_01Your well, then it's really gonna go away. Because it does both. If you don't work out when you're taking those like Ozempics or those, you know.
SPEAKER_02True tides and whatnot, yeah.
SPEAKER_01If you don't work out and work out that muscle, then you're gonna lose that muscle. You'll lose the muscle and you'll obviously lose the fat.
SPEAKER_02Does working at FedEx five days a week does that count as working out?
SPEAKER_01Um, only if you're doing a shit ton of squats.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I'm picking up heavy ass boxes when I'm lifting a lot. So I'm wondering.
SPEAKER_01Just start shooting it up and see if it see if you end up losing your ass or not.
SPEAKER_02I'm scared, but if I don't get a bag.
SPEAKER_00He wants to look like a skeleton with a BBL. I just want to look basically. Basically, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Anyways, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, I mean that's kind of where I'm at with the you know, ass picks, the tit picks. If you have confidence, mama, just do it. Whoever you're sending it to, whether it's a straight man, it's your your lesbian girlfriend, your little bisexual. The straight men can eat it up either way. I think they all eat it up.
SPEAKER_02They're like fucking dogs.
SPEAKER_01They're so hungry for it. Right. So you want to segue?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, does that so is that kind of like that's kind of where I wrap up some tricks for Yeah, it's been such a long time too.
SPEAKER_01It's all about, like I said, just pos it, pose it, girl, play around with it. It's fun, you know, it don't need to be that serious. It's not like you like work for Vogue.
SPEAKER_04Right, right.
SPEAKER_01You're a Victoria's Secret model. Like, you know, have fun. And if they don't like it, then fuck them. They weren't for you.
SPEAKER_00True, true.
SPEAKER_01Another man's one man's trash, another man's treasure, but you're not trash either way. I was gonna say period.
SPEAKER_03It's a good way to close that mama.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so you know, I'm on TikTok a lot. As I do. As you do. As I do. Um, have you ever heard or like seen those people, like big groups of people, do like the hear me out cakes?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but I'm a fat bitch. I'm like, can we just get to eating the cake?
SPEAKER_02I felt that with my whole with my hope. Um, so I really wanted to do this and I wanted to try it out to see. Um, so we're gonna do a little segment called Hear Me Out.
SPEAKER_01We could do like hear me out, like hear me out, I would send them a dick pic. Wait, it kind of ties in.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah? Okay. Okay, period. Yeah. So you wanna go first? You want me to go first?
SPEAKER_02I think we should do every other one. Perfect. I do one, you do one back and forth.
SPEAKER_01Love. Okay, who would you send your first dick pic to?
SPEAKER_02Wait, so are we just sending dick pics? Could we also get dick pictures back to?
SPEAKER_01Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, it's consensual both ways.
SPEAKER_02Okay, fair. Alright, um, so the first dick picture I'm sending to is probably gonna be the phantom virus from Scooby-Doo.
SPEAKER_00So crazy of you to say.
SPEAKER_02He's hot though. I think he's hot. Like, I just like the vibes of him, you know?
SPEAKER_00The spooky vibes.
SPEAKER_02The spooky vibes.
SPEAKER_00The spooky vibes, the rut row.
SPEAKER_02He's gonna he's gonna electrify this pussy.
SPEAKER_00Oh! He's gonna zing. Right. Don't put it zing.
SPEAKER_02Right. I love it. I love that for you. Thank you. So wait, pause. Do we think that the phantom virus is packing?
SPEAKER_01Or do we think grace? I'm gonna I gotta look him up real quick. Hang on. Phantom virus.
SPEAKER_02Phantom virus.
SPEAKER_01That's a word that's hard for me to spell. Is that what?
SPEAKER_02Phantom? Yeah. P H A T O M.
SPEAKER_01Eh, eh, eh. Phantom virus.
SPEAKER_00You wanna what he looks like? You ever seen Osmosis Jones?
unknownShut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_00He looks like the thing that goes inside and like causes the infection.
SPEAKER_03That's crazy.
SPEAKER_00Brother.
SPEAKER_03Okay, anyways, we're getting sidetracked. Pack it or not.
SPEAKER_01If he's like the cousin of the guy from Osmosis Jones, then I think he's packing. Because I think that guy's fucking packing.
SPEAKER_02But like he doesn't have a dick, so I don't know how that works.
SPEAKER_01It's packing personality, apparently. Electricity. Maybe he'll just zing the tip of your dick and then give you an orgasm. You don't know.
SPEAKER_02That could be fun.
SPEAKER_01That could be well.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I like that answer.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So who I'm I'm sending um some titties to is solely from Monsters Ache.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Period. I can see it. Can you see it? Yeah, I'm big. Big burly. Big hairy man, big hairy monster.
SPEAKER_01Big hairy monster, but he has like a soft side. Yeah. And he's like super cute and he's good with kids.
SPEAKER_02But he would absolutely pussy throb. He'd absolutely rail the shit out of you.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. He'd like.
SPEAKER_02He's like a big he's like a big uh teddy bear.
SPEAKER_01He would like put like put our kid down for bed and like read, read a little nighttime story, say, okay, good night, I love you. And then shut the door real quiet and be like, go to bed, bitch. And then take her downtown. That's solely for Monsters Inc. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Great dad. Great fuck. What more could you want?
SPEAKER_02Literally a daddy.
SPEAKER_01Literally a daddy.
SPEAKER_02Literally a daddy. I love that.
SPEAKER_00Okay, speaking of daddies, who's next?
SPEAKER_02My next one is Jim Hopper.
SPEAKER_00I think that's so crazy as well. I could see it though.
SPEAKER_02Jim Hopper. He's got a dad bod going on, which I personally love, but I like men a little bigger. Um but just the mustache and just his overall physique. Yeah. I just know this man is hung like a fucking horse.
SPEAKER_01You think so?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I know it.
SPEAKER_01I think he has like mid. I think he's like average. He's average. I think he's average. Average dick.
SPEAKER_02I think so, girl. How he like handles himself? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Maybe it's the motion of the ocean. You don't know.
SPEAKER_02I mean, even if he is if anyone is average, then as long as he knows how to use the colour.
SPEAKER_01You'll take it.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01As long as we're not Mr. Shrimp. How sad would that be?
SPEAKER_02That'd be so disappointing. And if it was, he's immediately off my list.
SPEAKER_01We try not to be prejudiced. We try not to be like, what's that called? Shallow. But if if we see Mr. Shrimp. Sorry, girl, you got you got sorry, girl, you got to go. Shoo shoo.
SPEAKER_02What's your second?
SPEAKER_01Um my second, who's given some titties? Jasmine from Aladdin, like the cartoon like 1997, I think is when it came out version. But here's the kick. Only in the red outfit. I have a friend, and I think she listens. She had the same sexual, like bisexual awakening that I had when we were kids. So we had a conversation one time, we were getting really high together, and it came up, and I said, Oh my god, no way. She goes, girl. She's like, girl, because she's bisexual as well. We're both like girl. Jasmine in the red outfit at the end of Aladdin eats down. And I eat her down. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
SPEAKER_04What you say? Okay, next.
SPEAKER_02Uh my third is uh Finn from the Human from Adventure Time as an adult man. Okay. Hear me out. Hear me out. Full fucking beard, muscular, could probably throw your ass around.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02He has a very gruff voice, and he kinda like he kind of reminds me of like a lumberjack almost.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I'm here for it.
SPEAKER_01Let's set up your your alley. I'm here for it. You love that shit.
SPEAKER_02I feel like I sound weird when I say that. Finn is above uh above legal age, okay? In this in this uh particular I love how you had to say as an adult.
SPEAKER_00He's as an adult, I don't.
SPEAKER_02I just want to clarify.
SPEAKER_00Right, right.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, Finn the human as an adult man. Muscular, hairy, shredded as fuck. Right. Damn.
SPEAKER_01Damn, damn, damn.
SPEAKER_02Anyways.
SPEAKER_01Um I'm going Michael Myers. Mikiella Myers. Miki Myers? I really don't need to. Mikkielo Myers.
SPEAKER_00I don't need I don't need to explain any further.
SPEAKER_01Thank you.
SPEAKER_02I agree. Okay, perfect. 100%. 100%. Even though you gotta keep the mask on, girl. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01That's the whole that's the whole foreplay. Like.
SPEAKER_02Well, no. Have you seen what he looks like under the mask? Yeah, we gotta we gotta be shallow.
SPEAKER_01We gotta we do gotta keep the mask on. Gotta keep the mask on. We do gotta keep the mask on.
SPEAKER_02Perhaps a uh a uh a bag as well.
SPEAKER_01I feel like that would make him like upset. He probably would actually stab me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, well yeah.
SPEAKER_02What do you want that?
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's what you want.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. To get fucked and then stabbed stabbed.
SPEAKER_00Fun. Fun.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Go for it. What's your number four?
SPEAKER_02Oh. Okay. So for the people who watch or enjoy Harry Potter. Lucius Malfoy.
SPEAKER_01That's I'm hearing you out. I just need to hear you out.
SPEAKER_02Okay. I see Lucius Malfoy, okay. Right. Right. Uh very much especially with the long hair. Okay. Silver blonde hair, right? Chiseled jawline. Probably shredded as fuck. He gives Big Dick energy. And he's just, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Dude, did you watch Game of Thrones? Do you like the Targery? Targaryans.
SPEAKER_02I've seen the first season, and then I stopped watching it. I know. It's on my list, girl. My list. My list is so fucking long, okay? It's so long. Okay. Wait. Lucy is mouthboy. Lucy is a mouthboy. Long, long silver hair, okay? Very, very daddy to me. I don't know what it is.
SPEAKER_00I just I heard you out with this one.
SPEAKER_02You disagree.
SPEAKER_00And I digress.
SPEAKER_02You disagree. Really?
SPEAKER_00And I digress, yeah.
SPEAKER_02You why? No.
SPEAKER_00Right. Oh. Oh. Okay. So, um, my next one.
SPEAKER_02Just I know you digressed, but I shouldn't get back into it because I want to know why.
SPEAKER_01You said I want to regress.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Um, just not like my guy. Maybe it's because I just don't like him like personality-wise.
SPEAKER_02Well, no, he's a he's a dick for sure.
SPEAKER_01I think for me, I love a personality. Um, besides uh uh Miguel Myers, who has no has no personality, everyone on my like hear me out, they have some type of personality. Or they're fuddy. I think. And I love that.
SPEAKER_02Okay, I could see that.
SPEAKER_01So so for me, like if you're a dick, like even if you have like nine-inch slong dong.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_01No, no, thank you. No thank you.
SPEAKER_02Maybe it's just a fuck. That's it. You're not you're not marrying these people. I know, but I just can't. Trying to catch a dick and leave.
SPEAKER_01I can't.
SPEAKER_02Mama, hear me out.
SPEAKER_01I heard you.
SPEAKER_00I listened. I I you're valid in your feelings, and we're gonna continue on.
SPEAKER_03I hate it here.
SPEAKER_02I had a feeling you were gonna say no. Yeah. I had a feeling.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Speaking of personality, my next one is donkey from shroud.
SPEAKER_02I could see it. I could see it. He has personality.
SPEAKER_01He has personality, and I feel like he would have some good donkey dick.
SPEAKER_00We're too immature for this.
SPEAKER_03Donkey dick is great.
SPEAKER_00Okay, sorry I digress.
SPEAKER_03My nipples are hard. Okay. That was a good one. I love that. Perfect. The donkey took me the fuck out.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Sorry, y'all. We just had a crying moment.
SPEAKER_00Man. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Okay, number five.
SPEAKER_00Go for it.
SPEAKER_02Art the clown.
SPEAKER_00I think that's so crazy. Jim's gonna score when he hears this.
SPEAKER_02Art the clown. Hear me out. Okay. This man is a freak, okay? I just know it. He's a demonic clown.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Um, literally saw my pussy in half. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Thank you. I feel like he would so he'd go off like a whole slaughtering spree, right? Right. And then he'd be like, kind of horny about it. So then he would like be like, give me your ass. And you're like, okay. And he'd be like, fucking you, but he's like wearing like titties from someone else. Like from the first movie. He's like wearing some titties and they're bouncing up and down, and then he's not hit like a wig on.
SPEAKER_02The young ho.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's doing the young hoe. The young hoe, and then like the stiffware. The stiffware. All he's like drilling your shit.
SPEAKER_00And you're just like, ah.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03I love it.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01I can see it.
SPEAKER_02I love it.
SPEAKER_01Okay, my stiffware is crazy. The stiffware waves.
SPEAKER_03It's Bob.
SPEAKER_01It's fuck-ass bomb. It's fuck-ass Bob, bitch. If you haven't seen Terrifier, you have to watch the first one. It's so old now that it like it's it's corny, but it's not. It's just so good. And if you don't know what we're talking about, you have to go and watch that.
SPEAKER_02Go watch it.
SPEAKER_01And you'll laugh. Yeah, and you'll laugh your ass off.
SPEAKER_02It's such a good movie. Stiffware.
SPEAKER_01Stiffware.
SPEAKER_02Alright, girl.
SPEAKER_01My last one is Shane from Mulan. And I know that that's probably not a hear me out, but I feel like it kind of is a hear me out if you only like certain like you know there's certain people who only date certain types of like races or certain types of people.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_01So like this is the only one on my list that you'd be like, oh, that doesn't match anything that she just said. But it's because he's like chiseled and big and buff and he's like a hard ass in the beginning, but then he's like, I think what I like about him at the very end is like he becomes a feminist. I love a man who's a feminist.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_01Go ally, and that's what he is at the end. And so I'm like, you know what? You get it. You get it. And he softens up and he's all about the women, the girls, and the gays.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, whatever you said, sure. I've never seen Mulan, so I have seen it, but it's been so many years. So so long. Do you uh have any extras that you want to throw in there?
SPEAKER_01Like pick one more? I have an honorable mention. Do you have one?
SPEAKER_02I do.
SPEAKER_01Go for it.
SPEAKER_02My honorable mention is Ghostface. But I'm a slut for that franchise. So and Ghostface? Specifically, I'd say Skeeter. Um God, what's his last name?
SPEAKER_01No say.
SPEAKER_02Skeeter, it's Billy and Stu Mocker.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I just don't, I can't remember his real name.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, Skeeter, oh, Skeeter Ulrich.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, as Ghostface, him just chasing around with a knife. Hot.
SPEAKER_00Hot. Hot. Hot. You're like, I need it. Are you actually gonna stab me or like what?
SPEAKER_02No, quite literally. Be like, are you gonna stab me? Ooh, yes, please. Right in my ass. Thanks.
SPEAKER_01With that knife or that knife?
SPEAKER_02I want both. Both of them.
SPEAKER_00Both of them.
SPEAKER_02I want that one.
SPEAKER_01I love that for you. I uh honorable mention for me is Nala from The Lion King when they're like grown. So it's kind of like your adventure time. I'm like, it's not when they're kids, that's fucking weird. Um, it's when they're grown, and it's the scene where it's like, can you feel the love tonight? They're chasing each other, her and Simba around the fucking She does have fuck me eyes. And then she looks at him when she's looking at the water, she goes, Fuck this pussy.
SPEAKER_02And I'm like, Imagine what she said though.
SPEAKER_01Wow. I said, I gotta study those eyes. Damn, you gotta do those eyes. Fuck me eyes. Yeah, so that's where my fuck me eyes developed was Nala from The Lion King.
SPEAKER_02Every time I hear fuck me eyes, I think of Ethel Kane.
SPEAKER_01I know, it's one of my favorite songs.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I love her.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that was a good concert.
SPEAKER_02I wanna go back. I wanna go back. I wanna go see her again.
SPEAKER_00She was so good.
SPEAKER_02Uh so should we wrap it up?
SPEAKER_01I think we should.
SPEAKER_02Well committed gang. That episode was short and Sweet. Make sure you like, subscribe, and follow. Please, please, please.
SPEAKER_01Please, please, please. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Yes, committee gang, it really does help us out. But also, don't ever send a dick pic on the toilet. Like, why?
SPEAKER_02Mama, they should be imprisoned.
SPEAKER_01Agreed. And I experienced this firsthand, obviously, like I just talked about. And to you, straight men doing this, knock it the fuck off.
SPEAKER_02Sweetie. Anyways, what are you listening to slash watching right now?
SPEAKER_01So listening to See Through by the Band Camino, it's really good. It's kind of like that alternative rock that I like. Um, I also just watched Maternal Instinct on Netflix. Okay, so I literally shared something on Facebook that said, if you think like that you watched like the worst woman alive on Netflix with their documentaries, I swear to god they put out another documentary like a month later about another woman who's just as worse. This girl faked a pregnancy. And like literally, like, spoiler, if you haven't watched it, you should, but I'm gonna spoil some of it real quick. So she meets a guy. This guy's not cute. He's not cute, and he's a dumb a fuck. But he's a boy, a dumb fuck.
SPEAKER_02A dumb a fuck.
SPEAKER_01A d a dumb a fuck.
SPEAKER_02A dumb a fuck.
SPEAKER_01A dumb a fuck. So like most men. Like most men. Anyways. So she's like, I got money. I come from money. And he's a dumb redneck. Just wants to be on his right. He just wants to be on his farm. Fuse me. He put up with her shit because he knew he like thought he was gonna get a payout. Okay, spoiler, she has no money. She had a total hysterectomy. Never told him, faked a whole pregnancy, faked the whole like nine months, went into ten months.
SPEAKER_02Damn.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, apparently he didn't know. That's so weird. Um, and then she had a friend who was pregnant and went to her house and killed her and cut her baby out. What the fuck? And was on the way to the hospital with the baby. Oh. Like she just had a baby. Okay. She's the youngest woman on death row in Texas.
SPEAKER_02Rightfully so.
SPEAKER_01Rightfully so. Rightfully. It was a really fucked up case.
SPEAKER_02That's crazy. I was gonna say it reminded me of uh have you seen Baby Mama with uh Tina Faye? Yes, Amy Bowler, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yes, as sufficient she doesn't cut out the baby, right?
SPEAKER_02And she's not actually pregnant.
SPEAKER_01And she's not actually pregnant.
SPEAKER_02Well, in the beginning at least.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Spoilers, if you haven't seen it, you should watch it.
SPEAKER_01What about you? What are you watching? What are you listening to?
SPEAKER_02So you're gonna be actually gonna be really shocked.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Uh Ellie Ella Langley.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Uh, I think I'm an Ellis Fella.
SPEAKER_01You're an Ellis Fella?
SPEAKER_02I think so.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love that so.
SPEAKER_02I kind of love her right now. What song? Choosing Texas.
SPEAKER_01Choosing Texas academic.
SPEAKER_02It's catchy, and I I love her like voice and her little hello country accent.
SPEAKER_01Hello, Alabama country accent.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, I listen to her. Um so good. And she's hot as fuck, and she got them judo chop bangs.
SPEAKER_00I fucking love those things.
SPEAKER_02She just she's gorgeous. Yeah. Um, and then I just currently re-watched uh Heated Rivalry in a span of a day.
SPEAKER_01This is why your list is so long. Because you go back, you run back shows. You like to run them back.
SPEAKER_02Girl, that show is so horny.
SPEAKER_01You're so you were just horny. So what you're telling me is you're just horny.
SPEAKER_02I'm horny.
SPEAKER_01Between uh drafting this episode.
SPEAKER_02I can't wait to see my man tomorrow.
SPEAKER_01Ew. I love that babe.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm Brandon.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Ashley. And this is technically okay.