Empty Nester Energy

Three friends explore empty nester energy with humor, heart, and a few tears, tracing the shift from all-consuming motherhood to intentional partnership. We trade tracking apps for trust, put marriage back at the center, and learn how grown kids still choose us.

• redefining freedom after kids move out
• blended family to quiet house adjustments
• spontaneous dates, travel, and play
• grief, pride, and the push-pull of letting go
• moving from control to connection with adult kids
• proof of life rituals and lighter boundaries
• modeling healthy marriage for grown children
• finding yourself again beyond motherhood
• time horizons and choosing joy in midlife

Tell us if you are an empty nester phase right now. What do you love about that phase?
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Transcript

Welcome & Show Vibe

Adrianne 0:00

We're MP Masters our kids or group.

Voice Over 0:02

Welcome to the Group Chat Goes Live Slightly Salty Edition, where your three favorite troublemakers turn the chaos of the group text into a full-blown weekly show. We're talking real life, real opinions, and just enough sass to keep things interesting. No filters, no perfection. Just three women with big personalities, bold stories, and a habit of saying the quiet parts out loud. So grab your drink, brace yourself, and join us. Because the group chat didn't just spill the tea, it went live.

Empty Nester Energy Begins

Adrianne 0:33

All right, we are kicking off our segment today on empty nester energy. A lot of us are at an age where our kids are now in their 20s and or 30s. And we are getting to the phase where we're in that empty nester phase. And honestly, for me, it is so much fun.

Leanna 0:53

I know. I was very sad when it first happened. And now I would be very sad if it wasn't. Does that sound bad? Like if my kids had to come home for some reason.

Kerri Ann 1:04

No, it doesn't. I like I live vicariously through the two of you. It's just but you have adult kids.

Leanna 1:12

I mean they still live at home, but don't look at me.

Kerri Ann 1:18

You guys talk. Why do you? I know why you do. Because you guys are literally enjoying life, which is what you're supposed to do.

Adrianne 1:26

Yes. I feel like you know, when you see those reels that talk about that you should continue to have a relationship with your husband, even though you have kids, because when they leave, you won't know each other. Yes. And I feel like Tara and I have always hung out, even things are crazy with the kids and stuff, but even though we still have one at home, but he's off and on, rarely there, I've gotten so spoiled of him not being there. Like I don't care about food. You know, honestly, sometimes I feel like we're in our college days. Like I could care less if you threw out some crackers and you know, crackers and a bottle of wine and be like,

Dating Your Spouse Again

Adrianne 2:00

oh, perfect. This is dinner tonight, or you know, last minute. Even yesterday, we have food in the house that we could cook. And then Terry's like, you want to go to happy hour? And in my brain, in my brain, I was like, I'm trying to be healthy. And I was like, you know what, I'll go to happy hour with you. And then next thing you know, we're eating tacos and drinking sangria. But it's just fun. Like there's no there's no plan. That's great. And so I feel like even when we went to Vegas, Terry's like, You want to leave a day early? And I was like, absolutely, let's go. And so I it's just such a weird phase. I I feel like when Terry and I were together, we were together 10 years before we had, you know, fostered the boys, and we would just travel and work from the car, and I feel like we're back to that again. And it's just fun to not be responsible for kids.

Leanna 2:51

We had the opposite. So, like Jeff and I are blended. So when we first got together, we literally had six, all six kids, five kids and our grandbaby under one roof. Yes. And we didn't get that time. I mean, we would take intentional date nights and we would do things to get that time apart, but we never actually had it. We always had this responsibility. And then, so literally, it's been nine months since we've been in the house by ourselves, and it is so nice. Like, yeah, that decision of like it's 10 o'clock at night, and if we want Dairy Queen, we just get in the car. Like, I'm like, okay, versus like, oh, we've got a kid asleep, or we have to be home on Monday because we have school or

Blended Families To Quiet Houses

Leanna 3:35

or whatever that is. And it's so nice just to be able to do whatever, whenever, and discover each other as individuals. Because when we got together, the versions that we saw of each other most were the parenting versions, the mom or the dad, or the lolly, or the papa, or whatever that was. And it's just really nice just to get to be us and not worry about like what do the kids want for dinner? We don't really care. We'll go, and it's funny you said happy hour yesterday, because we were driving home and Jeff was like, let's go do happy hour. And I was like, Okay. And I couldn't remember where you said had really good happy hour, so we ended up at our place that we go every time. We always go to Mikaios, but it's just it's beautiful, and I don't ever want that to go away. Like the kids we have a rule, the kids can come or anybody can come, but like four days. You know what I mean? What is it like fish and house guests go bad after four days? Yeah. And so we're like, there's her, you know. That's where we're at.

Kerri Ann 4:45

Well, I think it's beautiful. I watch you guys go through that. I I saw that with my parents. I mean, when my sister and I got older, my mom and dad were always super intentional about I remember being little and looking forward to their date night, and they did it like at least once a week. Maybe once every two weeks. But I looked forward to it because it was the only time that we got to have those little frozen pop-up meals. Because we weren't we didn't we didn't have junk food at our house. We it was always homemade food, so that was like the best in the world. Plus, it was cool because my dad would get ready and sit out in the living room and my he'd let my mom get ready and come out, and there was like a presentation of mommy to daddy, and she smelt good and he smelt good, and they went out, they were happy, they were happy the next morning. And I just saw them do that, and they really held very close to that even as I grew up, but then when I got older and my sister got older, they kind of got grosser because they were just like really, really all into each other, like which was it's the way it's supposed to be, yeah, and I love that. I just I I I know my husband would love that because we have adult children.

Leanna 6:04

But you're getting better with it because you guys go on bike rides or you go up north. Well, and we do that.

Kerri Ann 6:09

He's very intentional about because of the businesses and how much I work, and I'm still

Boundaries, Letting Go, And Guilt

Kerri Ann 6:16

very much working in the businesses, not on the businesses. I have not graduated to Adrienne and Liana-ness yet. And so he's very intentional about taking m taking us away, even if it's for a weekend or an overnight or whatever, because then that's our time. But I know we're at that age and our kids are at that age where we should have the Liana Adrian effect going on in our house, but it's me. It is completely me because I get so weepy about not having my children, whether they're adults or not. Like I I I think a lot of it had to do with growing up kids that were not typical when they were little, and really always focusing on just the basics where other parents with their kids were moving along in a different path that I feel like I might have gotten a bunch of years stolen from me. And I'm trying to make that up on the back end of this. And my kids aren't having it because they're doing their own lives. You know, they're they they are really great because they appease me with all of the the dinners or the things that I purposefully set up to be like, oh, we're doing this, come over, or we're gonna go here, come find us. And they're, you know, they're really good of that. But they are in their own ways telling me that they want to move on and not and still always be there, but that maybe mom's gotta grow up a bit.

Adrianne 8:01

Yeah, but I still I think, you know, Joey's still at home, and when he finally leaves, I will be upset because he's my baby. But I think he too has slowly eased me into it. Yeah. That he's gone a little longer, he's gone a little longer, he calls less.

Kerri Ann 8:14

Yeah.

Adrianne 8:15

You know, but I feel like all of us, like our kids are very involved with us. Yes.

Kerri Ann 8:20

You know, like there's not a time they're not gonna call in Texas or you know, I just feel like once they really leave and I admit, okay, they're gone and we're us, that it won't like you can't change that. But there's something beautiful about it. I know, but I think I know, I know all of this. We've talked like me with boundaries, all of those things. I'm growing up slowly. But I just think, okay, once they find their people, which I want them to do, which they are, then it's not like then when they do things, they're gonna like go on a trip together.

Adrianne 8:58

But you know, I think sometimes though they're going to I think the coolest thing about as they get older in your relationship, because you're close to your kids, is you know, like ours. Like Joey, you're going off to celebrate his birthday in Vegas, and like, hey, you guys want to come. Yes. And you know, we hang out with them the whole time. Honestly, sometimes I think they wanted us, and we were like, peace out, we got our own thing to get, you know, we're gonna go do our own thing. But I think like your kids are gonna do the same thing. Like they're gonna go places and be like, mom, you guys wanna come.

Kerri Ann 9:27

I know all this to be true because I tell my kids all the time. And if anybody ever listens that grew up with me and Franny and Paul, like when we got into college, we would be, I'll use the Arizona Center. There was a country bar at the Arizona Center, and all of a sudden everybody would be like, Where are they? And I'm like, they're coming. They would go out to dinner and then meet us all. They would come in and everybody would be like, Yay! You know, and they would hang out with us. And, you know, my mom and dad would go to Rocky Point, and my friends would come back and be like, We partied with your parents all weekend. Everybody loved them. And I know that that is the way that, like, I tell my kids, you know, the biggest gift you're gonna give us is the fact that you don't need us anymore. You want to be with us. I can say all these things, and it all sounds beautiful. But that my heart, oh, my heart is yeah, because Caden's moving out in July. And when he told me, he had such adult reasons and conversations with me that I was just like, keep it together, Carrie Ann. Yeah. Until I went in my room and then I freaking lost it. Yeah. But I'm happy for him. Yeah. But I'm not. I know.

Tracking Apps, Proof Of Life, Autonomy

Kerri Ann 10:45

But it's so civil. I've got schizophrenia in my brains.

Leanna 10:50

No, but that's normal. That's being a mom, right? The whole goal is to raise them to so that they can fly, and then they can fly, and you're like, but aren't you gonna fly to me?

Kerri Ann 10:58

Like, where where are you guys gonna trim that wheel? You're flying with me. I know. Or around me very closely. Yeah. And like Tori, he has an opportunity with something big. And I told Liana, and I was like, there that if that comes to fruition, that means no Arizona. Yeah. And I am like, how do I deal with that?

Adrianne 11:23

Yeah. I think you'll be amazing. You'll travel a lot. But him living in the dorms away from home, I think, is like so happy now. Slowly, slowly getting mom ready, you know, for for him to fly as well. I mean, your kids have done amazing. And I feel like when I even look at you, mine are are like yours where they're the younger group, but when I even look at like your son, you know, and like now he's a dad and he's doing a job and he moved out to the street.

Kerri Ann 11:52

It's so cool. But I know it took time to get there.

Leanna 11:56

And I'm still not there, I don't think. Like it it's one thing when they're in the same state, right? Yeah. But I remember when he drove away going to Colorado, and I was like, So proud of you, and I said all the things, and you've got this, and this is gonna be great. And then he drove away, and I turned to Jeff, and I was like, And Jeff, like, the water works, right? Or even now, like we fly to go get well, Jeff flies to go get Lily. So I hear from my son almost every day, whether it's a text or a call, and literally it's less than five minutes. I love that he checks in and he just I think our kids need to hear our voice as much as we need to hear theirs sometimes, right? But it's hard when they're when they're far. And like I saw him this I saw him on Friday for literally 20 minutes and it filled up my my mom's heart, right? And I say all these things, but I also don't want them to move.

Kerri Ann 12:53

No, and I love seeing all the shenanigans that you guys freely do. Yeah. Like even when Brian Brian and I go a wave,

How The Shift Actually Happened

Kerri Ann 13:03

like for an overnight or something, in the back of my head, I'm like, oh, I hope that he ate dinner and are they fine? And you know, like that's just inherently me. And I've got to get out of that because my husband deserves for me to be more present. And I think the more that we do it, and when my kids are gonna force it no matter what. Yeah. I mean, they just are. So I'm gonna have to grow up and just know that it's just change. I don't do well with change. Maybe that's the maybe what we need to talk about. How doing well with change?

Adrianne 13:32

It's another thing I'm not good at. I think you and Brian will you'll see that you'll start to have more fun and relax. Like I used to worry about the kids eating, you know, everything. Like what time did they get home? You know, did they lock the door? Did you feed a dog? You know, all of these things. Um and now I don't know. It I've gotten to a point where, you know, Terry and I used to only be able to be gone for 24 hours with our kids when they were younger. Yeah because you never knew what, you know, Xavier was gonna do. And I would be so stressed out being away from home that I couldn't enjoy being gone. And Terry would force it, like, we're going, even if it's just for the evening. And I appreciate that because now, like he and I can go, like we love to go up north or go do things and just a hike or whatever. And I don't worry as much about the kids as I used to.

Kerri Ann 14:18

Well, it seems like there's three like either you're oh hell no, nobody's leaving, and you know, you're all staying here, or it's like, okay, we've gotten past that and now we're living in pure joy because it's we don't have a ton of time in our lives to live our lives, and then there's us in the middle group that are trying to figure it out. But I I do, yeah, I just yes, I want to grow up and be in that space, and I just think that it's just gonna take a little time. I do see that I don't check the app where I see where they are all the time less. I really because that was like a thing. One time I made Brian go out in the middle of the night because I swore that Caden was staying in the middle of the street. His phone was literally pinging in the middle of an intersection, and he would not answer the phone. Oh no. And I don't know what happened to the gods that got it stuck, but I made my husband get up in the middle of the night and take me to the intersection.

Marriage First As A Model For Kids

Kerri Ann 15:22

You need to and he did it.

Leanna 15:25

I love our husbands and the fact that they deal with all the things that we deal with. It's insanity. But prepare yourself for the day that your kid takes themselves off. Oh, I yeah. I went to check my kid's location, it was like no location. I was like, what do you mean, no location? And then I was like, Where are you? And they responded. This happened with both of them. And I was like, but I can't see it. And they were like, We know. And I was like, I'm sorry. What?

Adrianne 15:49

Right? Or they start using it like my kids use it more. Sometimes I turn mine off because they they're on me. Like, where are you at? Why did you go here? Um, it's a reverse. It's a reverse now of where I am. So sometimes I turn it off where I'm like, you don't need to know where I'm at and what I'm doing.

Kerri Ann 16:07

You know, I have issues because I made my mom get on here too because I wanted to make sure she was okay. But you know what? She's you know, like she's out and about on her own. There is a reason why, but I also like to know that she's okay. Yeah. I get that. Yeah.

Adrianne 16:26

I don't look at my Life 360 very often anymore. Yeah, the kids are, you know, they're adults. They're gonna get in trouble, do something, there's nothing I can do anyways. So I don't, and I don't want to know what their speed limit was, how many times they break. Like the app just tells me way too many things. And I feel like Joey's great about I my whole thing is if he's out wherever, that I just like proof of life, and his proof of life to me is a TikTok video. So once a day he'll shoot a TikTok and it can be the dumbest, and I'm like, all right, he's alive, we're good. Like I I just have programmed myself where I'm like, I'm not gonna push that out.

Kerri Ann 17:01

So what was the okay, so what was the I know that sometimes it gets forced. Because I've watched you guys both go through this through the years with the kids and the changes and having literally Brady Bunch to nothing. So what was the like is it was it just everybody's like peace out and then you had to deal with it?

Leanna 17:23

No, I think it's it's a combination, like they start to grow, and there's a part of me, and this might sound prideful, but I wanted to see if what I helped guide was really strong enough. Right? Yeah, like and I think that there's certain things that they just have to figure out on their own, and as long as I'm connected to that and selfishly, I really like my husband. I really just kind of wanted to hang out with him. I know, you know?

Adrianne 17:54

Yeah, and I feel like on mine, you know, I have a mix of two. You know, obviously my oldest is Wild, and I got to a point where I'm like, I can't, he's an adult and I can't live on that roller coaster and I don't want to. So he's gonna figure his life out. And then with Joey, honestly, my first time that the longest he was gone was when he watched Liana's dogs, and I literally called him every day. I was like, Do you need me to bring you food? You know,

Finding Yourself After Motherhood

Adrianne 18:21

and the first time he let me like every three days bring food, check on the dogs. And then the second time, I I didn't check on him at all. I was like, and he didn't need me, and he came home and got food. He's that yeah, I mean living at a bougie house, like his his version of taking care of dogs is so different at our house. Um, but it was just like that was a little bit of easing me in, where even at that time, Terry's like, Oh, we could go up north. And I'm like, I can't leave town. Like he's right down the road. What if something happens and he needs me? Yeah, and he didn't need me. And I think so Joey was a little more easing me out because he was gone a little longer, and then now he's in a serious relationship, so he's gone more and more. And even that, he, you know, he was gone for Vegas longer. They stayed an extra night. And I was working with a client yesterday, and he came downstairs, and I'm so excited to see him. I hadn't seen him in two days. And I'm in the middle of dealing with a contract, and he walks through his room, he gets clothes, he pops his head in, and he waves goodbye. And I'm like, What? I don't even get to talk to him. And I'm literally trying to do a contract, and I want to be like, I'll call you back. But I'm in the middle of this, so he leaves, and I think he's it must have been my face because he waited 10 minutes and then he called me. And he was like, Hey, I just wanted to say hi. You know, I'm going over, he was going to his girlfriends, and uh, he's like, But I just want to say hi. And he's like, Oh, I gotta tell you what happened last night, and then for like 15 minutes, he and I'm sure like he didn't really want to probably bully talk me, but I think he could tell by my look, like, what? I don't even get to say a word to you, and then you're gone. So I feel like our kids, and we're all we all have boy moms. I feel like they slowly are easing us out too, just like your boys. I think like with us, they are slowly.

Kerri Ann 19:57

No, they are, and I and I do know, I see very clearly when I am not worried about anybody else but just Brian and I, how much better we get along, like how much fun more fun we have. Like, and that's all me. That's not him because he's really good about what he's like in your sphere and over here.

Leanna 20:18

You know, I saw some one post, and I'm not gonna call her out, but she posted that her marriage comes first. She's like, My marriage comes first, ladies. This is really important. Like, your marriage first and then your kids, so that you can show your kids what a healthy marriage looks like.

Kerri Ann 20:36

I agree. My I mean, I remember if I had a dollar for every time my sister and I pissed my mom off, and we knew my dad was coming home, we would go to our rooms and he would come in our rooms and give us the you and her became because of me and her. She's my number one priority. If she's not okay, I'm not okay, and we would be like

Embracing The Next 20 Years

Kerri Ann 20:56

totally devastated. But that's how it is. The the thing is too, I think when you have a blended family and potentially your past wasn't as pleasant, you know, that's uh you're always balancing, making sure that your children, his like Brian and I like I always wanted the girls and my boys to not feel sec like there's so much of a balancing act when they're younger to make sure everybody's fed and nobody feels outed or whatever, and that you're trying to feed your relationship.

Leanna 21:38

Yep.

Kerri Ann 21:38

That's hard to come out of as they get older.

Leanna 21:41

Yeah. I get that. And I was really surprised at how many people came at this person and was like, my kids are always gonna come first, you know. And I'm like, no, because those people are going to, those kids do grow up, right? And like you said, with us, we've got a blended family. My children saw very unhealthy relationships. Relationships leading up to my relationship with Jeff. And I won't speak for him, I'll just speak for myself. I was very vocal with my kids about this is what healthy looks like. Yes. Healthy looks like Jeff and I communicate. Jeff and I don't have secrets. You know, a healthy relationship looks like we put each other first. And it is intentional date nights. And I think my two, they were older when we met, 17 and 19, right? They now speak differently about their relationships.

Kerri Ann 22:33

Yeah.

Leanna 22:34

I'm looking to find my person. I don't know if he's my person. I don't know if she's my person, or I found my person. This is definitely my person because of the fact that we put our marriage first. Yes, I agree.

Kerri Ann 22:44

And Caden really voiced that with me when we talked about him moving out because of what he's creating with Caitlin and how they are together and the things that he said. I'm like, okay, he did see the difference in this relationship. Yeah. And he needs his time to fly, and mom needs to put her big girl panties on and we're gonna have this conversation in like a year.

Leanna 23:13

And you're gonna be like, I can't believe I was so worried. This is amazing.

Kerri Ann 23:17

I know that these are these are the differences. We talk about this in our texts. We talk about all like we are like you guys were flitting around Vegas having a good old time without me. And I was a little sad, but I was also happy because you guys got to be together and you have the ability to do that. Yeah. Like we just all, you know, we're in different spaces, and yeah, I mean, I will get there.

Adrianne 23:41

And I think we become a fun version of ourselves, you know, and I think and so and ours is different, obviously, because Terry and I have been together for almost 30 years. But sometimes he would make comments like, he's like, used to be so fun and so free going. But when I became mom and, you know, love Xavier, but I honestly did become like so strict and so over consumed with kids, kids, kids, and trying to keep everyone in their own lane that I really do feel like I've I lost who I was, and I didn't in the end like who I was because I'm like, this isn't me, and I'm not stressed and fearful and anxiety and all these things.

Kerri Ann 24:17

So knowing her as long as I've known you, you know, from our little kids, our kids being little, I will say on an I have seen you find your Adrian again. Yes. I have seen that. I like you, I've seen you laugh and giggle, like not just laugh, laugh and giggle more in the last year ish than than I've seen in a lot of years.

Adrianne 24:41

Yeah, I think you just get so, especially when you have kids, you know, that you're battle a lot of things, like I feel like you get in such mom mode. Yeah, yeah. Like where people are like, oh no, it's my kids, it's my kids. Yeah. But you can get so in yourself about having to try to, you know, manage your kids however old they get that you do lose yourself. And I feel like I'm now at a phase where I remember who I used to be and the fun I had and the free. And now that I've found her again. Oh, yeah. And and with Terry, like I'm not gonna like, heck no. Like my kids, I'm sorry, but you are now officially second because I do know the fun that we're having. And we don't have a ton of time. It's not like we have two lifetimes. Right.

Leanna 25:22

Yeah.

Adrianne 25:23

Yeah. We're nearing, we're at an age where I feel like we have a good 20 years to go have fun, live life before it's harder to travel and do the that you're not I'm not dying in 20 years. I'm just saying we have a good 20 years where it's gonna we have you know financially uh you know, our career freedoms, our kids are grown. Like if we want to travel, go on cruises, hit the bike and be gone for a week, we can do that. Yeah, but we really have, and you know, the years pass by so fast where I'm not willing to give that that up. Like I want to have fun.

Leanna 25:57

Well, you shouldn't. I think to some to sum it up, it really is this empty nester does feel like I think you hit it right on the head. It feels like your teenage years again, but now we have the financial stability, right? Like I'm not picking between like, do I eat ramen or do I go to the bar? Right? Like, so you can do both. Yeah, we can, right? And I don't have to eat ramen, but it is it's a totally different level. You have a certain level of peace, you have a certain amount of common sense. So it's all of the the benefits of feeling that young and excitement for life again with all the benefits of age and maturity, right? So it's a beautiful balance and it's just a really nice place to be in life. And I really hope it's not just another 20 years because I feel like this is younger than us by a year.

Kerri Ann 26:45

Not me. Remember, I got I got told I look really good for being almost 60. So I'm a shorter. But you might need to get my you know what together.

Adrianne 26:55

You have Franny jeans.

Audience Prompt & Closing

Kerri Ann 26:57

You're fine.

Leanna 26:57

Yeah, you're gonna be fine. But no, I think once you step into it fully with us, we're probably gonna be hot. Whoo!

Kerri Ann 27:05

Mm-hmm.

Leanna 27:06

We're gonna have a whole nother chapter.

Adrianne 27:08

Yeah, we are. I want to be those TikToks I send you guys of the old ladies, dancing, partying, wine glasses. That's gonna be. I know. We have those. It'll be us still in 30 years. Yes. Yes. It just we'll have our husbands with us too. So they're good. They are someone's got to keep us in line.

unknown 27:27

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 27:27

I don't know if they are gonna keep us in line. We might need a back plan for that. Yeah, we might need a monny will come with us and be the monitor. Yes, okay.

Adrianne 27:37

So tell us if you are an empty nester phase right now. What do you love about that phase? And stay tuned for our next episode.

Voice Over 27:45

Beautiful.

Leanna 27:45

Bye.

Voice Over 27:46

And that's a wrap on today's episode of the Group Chat Goes Live, Slightly Salty Edition. If you laughed, cringed, nodded along, or mentally texted your bestie, good. That means we did our job. Make sure you follow, subscribe, and slide into our DMs with your own slightly salty stories. You know we love the chaos. Until next time, keep your group chat spicy and the real world slightly saltier.