The Real Signs Of Perimenopause And What Helps

We get brutally honest about how perimenopause and menopause can hijack your mood, memory, and confidence even when you never get a single hot flash. We share the symptoms that scared us, the doctor journeys that missed the mark, and what helped us feel more like ourselves again. 
• Brain fog, word loss, and feeling mentally “off” without classic hot flashes 
• Irritability, anger, anxiety, and the fear that something deeper is wrong 
• Getting brushed off as depressed and why hormone education matters 
• Hysterectomy surprises and why “keeping an ovary” is not a guarantee 
• Trial and error with treatments, including strong opinions on pellets 
• The guilt of showing up differently at home and in friendships 
• What we wish our moms and doctors had said sooner 
• The ongoing question of how long this lasts and what comes after 
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Transcript

Slightly Salty Welcome

Voice Over 0:02

Welcome to the Group Chat Goes Live Slightly Salty Edition, where your three favorite troublemakers turn the chaos of the group text into a full-blown weekly show. We're talking real life, real opinions, and just enough sass to keep things interesting. No filters, no perfection. Just three women with big personalities, bold stories, and a habit of saying the quiet parts out loud. So grab your drink, brace yourself, and join us. Because the group chat didn't just spill the tea, it went live.

Kerri Ann 0:33

It's like a lingering ghost. Because just when you think you're done with it, all of a sudden you sweat your ass off and you're like, what just happened?

Adrianne 0:41

All right, we are back for another

Feeling Off And Missing The Signs

Adrianne 0:43

episode. And today we're gonna talk about if you've ever said I don't feel like myself lately, then it's time to listen to this. Very true. All right, ladies. So I know we've talked about menopause before, but I feel like we just kind of dabbled it all the time. Out in public. But I feel like we just dabbled last time of like things we do and different things we've tried. But I feel like we're getting more and more questions about what do you take or what are you doing? And so why don't we just dive in a little deeper on it and we'll get to the nitty-gritty of what we all notice. So I think the first question is when did you first notice something was you felt off about?

Leanna 1:24

I think I don't know if I can pinpoint it because there were so many things that were happening that I didn't know was like symptoms, right? Like the brain fog or the being in the middle of a sentence and then have no idea what you were saying. Like there's nothing y'all. I thought seriously, I thought I had maybe like dementia because like I didn't know, like how or you're talking to me and I hear the words, but like I can't process the words, and I had no idea that those were even. I always just thought that menopause was a hot flash. And to this day, by God's grace, I've never had one. So if you had asked me, I would have never thought I was in menopause or perimenopause. Is that possible?

Kerri Ann 2:09

That you cannot have a hot flash. How have you done that?

Adrianne 2:13

I don't think I was gonna say, I don't really think I've had a like I've been hot, but I've never had the experience like where you feel like you're on fire in the world.

Kerri Ann 2:21

Well, have you have you been hot for a long period of time and then got sweaty and been uncomfortable? I mean, not really, but I do run a fan all the time. I do not love being in this sandwich. How does that work? I don't know, but you guys need to have your own study to see why you don't, because I haven't known I didn't realize that.

Adrianne 2:42

Because I thought the same thing. Everyone always talked about, like, oh, you're just gonna get hot and you know, you won't have a cycle anymore. Like, oh and that's what I thought it was too. Until like for me, I think it was more of not being able to even remember a word. Like you're trying to say a sentence, and then I it was like at the tip of my tongue and I couldn't remember a word. And then mine was more anger towards people. Like I would be in a car and everyone was irritating me, and then I could feel like the cuss words wanting to fly out of my my mouth to drivers, which is not me. I don't like cuss out drivers. And so I went to a doctor, a a a hormone or a female doctor, and I was like, something is wrong with me. Cause I literally feel like I could kill all these people. Like they it is annoying me. And then her first thing was she was like, Well, I think we should maybe you're depressed. And I was like, I'm this has I I didn't know depression and wanting to kill someone were the same. So maybe something it's something else. But that was the first time when I went in and I was like, something is wrong with me. Yeah. But I did not think of menopause at all.

Kerri Ann 3:46

I just know that like I went in, I went in, I went in early. I started in my 40s, like early 40s. And and the only reason I know that is because by the time somebody was helping me, they can do that little test to see where you're at, and then they are like, okay, this is where you're at. I just thought that I was, it was my life. I just thought because I'm raising all these kids, we're running all over the place, there was so much going on in my life. I just kind of pushed all the things to that. To I'm exhausted, I can't find my words, I'm stressed out, I'm not organized the way like all those things, like wanting to kill people, all yeah, like all of it was just I am a mom and doing all these things, and I'm exhausted, and this is just the way life is.

Doctors Misread Hormones As Depression

Adrianne 4:37

I just wish doctors explained it better. So when I I had a hysterectomy, I was maybe 35 when I had a hysterectomy. And I remember the doctor, he said to me, I'm gonna try to leave one ovary so we don't have to mess with hormone medications and we can keep your hormones. I don't, I didn't even know what that meant, I think, until obviously it didn't work because a year later I had two endometriosis all over that one ovary he tried to save. So my hormones were I was going into menopause within a year. The hysterectomy, and he I felt like he didn't educate me on what that meant or even trying to prevent me from going into menopause.

Kerri Ann 5:14

Well, I know I went to a couple doctors who were trying to give me medication for depression because when I would have those moments and feel like, why can I not handle this? I've always handled many, many things at one time, and I cannot. And then I found my closet and that was my safe place. And I would literally go in there and cry and just be away from everyone. I'm like, what is going on with me? So that was the first line of defense, which was the depression thing. But I do think that unfortunately, a lot of doctors like don't assume that that we're gonna go into menopause that early unless there's some kind of extenuating circumstance or they just put it off because it's always like I was told, oh no, you don't you won't go into menopause until you're way older than this.

Leanna 6:02

That's what I was told. And I had a partial hysterectomy as well. And same thing, we're gonna leave your ovaries, and so that way you don't have to worry about anything. Not, hey, you need to check your levels or anything like that. So I just thought, again, because I was so uneducated, I didn't have a hot flash, so surely I'm not. Then finally a doctor was like, We're gonna check your levels, and I think it was just like a full blood panel.

Kerri Ann 6:26

Otherwise, I don't know if they would have ever found because I thought hot flashes and and not having your period anymore was like, or you know, it's tailoring off. And I was like, Okay, that's when you know. But then I had an ablation, so then that was one part that was taken out. So yeah, I don't I just think that doctors just assume, which they don't anymore, I think, because so many women are younger women are doing hormones and they're doing things that m we didn't do until we were way older. So they have they're dialed in on all this way before we were.

Adrianne 7:06

Yeah. Yeah, I do think there is much more education now than you know, I was what 14 years ago when I had it. And then I think I went to five different doctors, each one where I was like, something's wrong, something's wrong. And I didn't like the answer of each one. That I was like, nope, that's not it. And the same. Because I knew I wasn't depressed. I knew I, you know, I don't know, it's weird, but I do think now that it is changing that people are. But I also think in the beginning, I'd say probably five years ago when I five or six years ago when I really got serious of figuring out medications, that everyone was pushing the pellets. Yes. And I was like, okay. And then I went to the case. Which we did, and we already talked about. We're never gonna talk about it again. Yeah, the pellets, but I still think so many people still use them. Yes. But I feel like now I like being able to tell people like, no, you could do this, you could do that, and that yeah, that's not, but it never worked.

Kerri Ann 7:59

Well, a lot of the people that I knew, like the ladies that I knew, the ones that weren't criers when they cried were crying all the time, and the ones that were criers and then became aggressive, that's when everybody was like, What is going on with me? Yeah, it's because it changes your personality. Like you've you literally question, why am I behaving like this? Yeah. And I don't think they tell you that's part of it. And you just think I'm losing it.

Leanna 8:26

Yeah.

Anger Anxiety And Identity Whiplash

Adrianne 8:28

All right. So, what do you think has been the hardest part when you talk about emotionally? What's the hardest part emotionally based on your personality that you've had to deal with through menopause?

Leanna 8:40

I think for me, I try and be pretty middle of the road. I'll get upset, but very few people see that you guys have seen me, right? Or Jeff will see me. But I try and stay pretty consistent.

Kerri Ann 8:53

Yeah.

Leanna 8:54

And literally feeling like I was crazy because I could something would set me off, something so minor. And in my head, like same thing, like anger wants to come out, but then I hate apolog the reason why I try and stay calm is because I hate apologizing. I don't want to apologize later for something I said. So just feeling honestly, feeling crazy. It it it could have been depression, it could have been anxiety, but these are things that I never dealt with before. But feeling like I didn't know it was happening, like something was happening within me, and I couldn't articulate what that was because none of it made sense. If you put your symptoms in Google, like, you know, 5,000 things come out and not one of them said menopause or perimenopause or anything like that. And I think about all the we talked, we were talking to someone who's older, a generation before us, and she was like, Oh girls, just suck it up. Like, we don't talk about it, we just dealt with it. And I think because the generation before us did have that kind of, you know, put your big girl panties on, you're fine, and didn't kind of share that information with us. I didn't even know what to look for. And I don't want to tell people, hey, I think I'm crazy. Do you still want to be my friend? Because I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind, right?

Adrianne 10:16

That sucked. That was hard. I think mine is I am not a high emotional person. I just am not. But I work very hard to filter my thoughts to stay balanced. That's probably been my hardest thing, is because I am very sharp and I am very to the point. And so it can come across very rude or just mean, and it's not intentional. But I feel like I've had a harder time controlling it through this. And then I do have to apologize.

Leanna 10:48

No, I send you guys messages that I'm like, this is what I want to say, and then I put it in chat, and then I go say nicer, say nicer, say nicer, and then I'll respond to that person. Well, thank you so much for your inquiry. I appreciate your time. And in reality, I'm like, are you kidding me? Right.

Kerri Ann 11:06

Mine was I it was it was a dark place for me. Because I lean, which everyone knows, into I am a very emotional person and I get wounded very easily. I'm I'm learning and growing as I'm getting older and older that I need to be protective of that. But when I started this wonderful journey, I I could feel that I was failing people in the ways that I always filled them up emotionally because I was just hanging on and I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. So I went into the spiral of going to doctors and hearing multiple times, you're fine, you know, or oh, it's your thyroid. And then we're working on that. And then I kind of feel good, but then I'm not. Like, you know, they're part, they were part and piecing it with me. And I would feel a little relief, but it wasn't like the total relief of feeling like me again. And so I was coming to the table, you know, with friends and in my marriage and just with my kids and with everything, family, and showing up differently and then forever feeling so guilty about that. Like replaying, I should have said this, or why didn't I do that, or that's not me, or you know, all of it. It it spun me in a pretty dark place. And that's when they started with maybe you need to be on depression medication or this and that, because you know, I mean, that's what I mean. I'm almost 20 years, well, 17 years when, you know, since I started. And back then, that was, I mean, it wasn't unusual to have a lot of people on all the different types of anti-anxiety and depression medication. And actually that didn't help. It just kind of uh what happened to me is that okay, going through that whole process, being in that space, then saying, okay, I give, I'll try it because I wanted to try anything to feel better. Then that did the opposite and it numbed me out. Yeah. And so then now I'm really not me. So it it was a a lot of years of feeling that way until you know, starting to have conversations and you know, potentially getting in a space of just learning how to power through it and fake it a lot because I just didn't want the people around me to not feel the love that they were used to. And that just kind of gets you in an uncomfortable space. So once, you know, we start talking, once we start sharing doctors, once doctors, you know, there were hor hormone doctors that weren't trying to shove pellets in you, because then I did that because then I was a numbed out, crazy pelleted testosterone person, you know. Who the hell are you? Yeah. So now that I'm on the other side of all of that, and you know, it's still like I told you guys, like it's like this crazy monster that goes away, and you're like, oh, it's gone. And then all of a sudden you wake up in the middle of the night and you're like, Wow, there you are again. What is happening? And everyone is different, but yeah, it took me to a very dark place for a lot of years inside me. Yeah. You know, I know that a lot of people outside didn't see it, but you just you just don't, like you said, you're just who are you and why is it this way? And why is everybody telling me I'm okay and I'm not?

Leanna 14:31

Yeah. There I don't think there's anything worse than knowing something's wrong inside and having to be okay on the outside. Yes. For your family, for your clients, for everyone.

Adrianne 14:42

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it messes with your confidence where you think they're like, I like you said, I could handle every stressor, I could handle life, things throwing at me, and then all of a sudden now I'm like feel like I'm having panic attacks and freaking out on simple things that never used to. That's probably the hardest adjustment I've had is it can be little things, but I can feel myself getting anxiety and I'm not someone who has that, and now having to learn how to be like, you're fine, it's fine. Lower the blood pressure down.

Kerri Ann 15:10

Like, well, and it's hard for spouses or people that are with you because if they're not understanding it, then that causes issues. And then you feel even more so that you have to pretend because you because you know, it's not like you can open up Instagram and you see memes where it's like, you know, people talking about husbands, you need to be this way for your wives because they're going through this terrible thing, perimenopause and menopause. And it's out there like I know it's out there like crazy now. Well, actually, Brian's so great because all of a sudden, thing, and one will come up and because maybe I wasn't acting right. And he's like, I get it. Here's here's your little exclamation.

Adrianne 15:53

I'll I'll see a good one for my husband, uh, and then I'll be like, share to carry.

Leanna 15:57

Share. Like so you know, like it's not just me. Yeah. I I've shared them to Jeff, and I think, oh, that's cute. Then he shares them with me, and I'm like, excuse me, this is not appropriate to share.

Adrianne 16:10

I'm fine. Okay, we talked about the

What We Wish Someone Said Sooner

Adrianne 16:15

families. What is something you wish someone had told you earlier on? And the very like of what is one thing where you're like, wow, I wish they would, I would have known that. Because we talk about our parents and family and aunts, and no one told us till after.

Leanna 16:29

Hmm. If you start acting like you're pregnant with those pregnancy hormones where you're like, and you're not pregnant, there might be something more.

Adrianne 16:38

Yeah. I think of mine, my mother, I wish she would have, so I thought she was crazy in her 40s. And she thought she was going crazy, so she didn't tell anyone. Because in our family, like there is mental health and people, you know, dementia, Alzheimer's, that kind of stuff. And she didn't tell me that. And when I was going through it, I literally started thinking, like, okay, is this early stages? Like, how early does, you know, dementia or Alzheimer's, like, how early does it come on? Like, am I at an age now that I'm starting to? You misdiagnosed your mama's dementia when she was going through menopause. Metapause, but she was crazy. She was afraid to tell anyone because she thought she was gonna get locked up. Yes. And so in my head, I didn't know that until finally I started slowly saying things that were going on. Because we don't talk that deeply about this stuff. And then she's like, Oh, yeah, that she's like, It happened to be when I was going through menopause. She's like, I thought you guys were gonna lock me up. That's why I couldn't say anything. And I was like, Well, that would have been nice to know because I've now spent a year diagnosing myself that how early in age, like, is it your 40s, your 50s? Like, when does your family start noticing that you're losing your mind?

Kerri Ann 17:41

Oh, with Frankie, it was very easy because she went through it and I I already told you guys that I was terrible. I told my dad, mom used to lose in it. She's freaking going crazy. And she would literally, when she was having her moment, she'd be like, Yeah, bring it on. It is not a bad day, or it's a bad day. So you guys got to figure this out. And she would tell us how she felt because she was going through it. And then during that time, they were trying all these different medications and she'd finally feel good, and they'd be like, Oh no, that causes cancer. And then she'd come off of it and feel like crap again. So I do remember her telling a lot of this and going, You're gonna have it so much easier when you, you know, when you go through this.

Leanna 18:19

I'm glad she talked to you and you knew what was going on because you're the one that helped guide me. Because I don't think it's not something that I think most women chit-chat about. I mean, no inner circles do, obviously, right? But that's not really how you start a networking meeting, like a one-to-one. Hey, I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind. Dude, I started doing brain games. I know. I started doing crosswords. I like literally thought I was losing my mind. I started doing all these brain strengthening. I started taking special vitamins because I thought I'm seriously gonna, I'm losing it.

Adrianne 18:49

And I had no idea. I love it. I started doing the brain games too. Every morning I was like, make sure you know how and I'll be like, okay, you still know how to do it. You're fine. It's all fine today. We're gonna make it. Okay. What we were talking about community.

How Long It Lasts And What Next

Adrianne 19:06

What do you feel like you're still trying to figure out? How long is this gonna last?

Leanna 19:13

I mean, because I can do, I can do and I know not everyone can do patches. I know that there's you know contraindications for certain medical. Like I I know that everyone is not as blessed as I am to be able to take all of the things. But is this what I'm gonna have to do forever?

Kerri Ann 19:29

I've been told no. And then what I'm just not sure when that well, then you just you just stop. No, then you have to do a whole host of other things so you don't dry up like a raisin. That's exactly it. Once it's done, then you're like, oh, that's great. Now you have all these other things that we have to do.

Adrianne 19:49

That's the thing. I know some people have said, well, you just have to stop taking everything and just power through it. And I'm not sure if you're not like I cannot give any of this up. I want to stay married.

Leanna 19:58

I want to have my friends stay not in order.

Adrianne 20:02

I mean, if I had to go off everything, I'm just telling you guys now, you're gonna have to let me go out to the middle of nowhere and just on a farm with a goat. Out in the middle of nowhere and let me power through it.

Leanna 20:13

I want to figure out how to add in goats and cows in every single episode. You guys do. You guys do because it's ridiculous.

Adrianne 20:22

No, I didn't add farm. I'm just saying just no one's gonna go.

Kerri Ann 20:25

I'm gonna have a great year, and in December, you're both gonna get a hairy something for Christmas to take care of. Don't make me promises. I you will. In your brand new house, you're gonna have a goat. Okay. Yeah. We might just send one over. And then we're you know we're gonna do this podcast is gonna go live in video because I'm just gonna have it with you guys. So everybody go viral with my little jumping goat.

Leanna 20:48

Yes, don't promise me shit if you're not gonna do it. That hurts.

Kerri Ann 20:51

Yes. And then all the little things that you love to do for yourself, that money's gonna go to the goat.

Adrianne 20:57

We'll see. Yeah. It'll be like, go to the backpack. You guys are just looking at it for like social media things.

Kerri Ann 21:10

I want to have fun. What is the dang question you ask?

Adrianne 21:13

All right. The next question. How do you know the difference between it being overwhelm versus hormones in your life?

Leanna 21:20

I don't think you can. Yeah, I just assume it's always. I don't.

Kerri Ann 21:23

I don't if any woman that is going perimenopause, menopause, because menopause just seems like it lasts forever until it stops and you just don't know when. Like it's that's the cur that's just the constant state. If any woman says that isn't, then I want to know who is their doctor.

Adrianne 21:39

Yeah. Can you get to it's because I don't know. Can you get to menopause from perimenopause with a on all the hormones we're taking? What that's how it goes. No, but if we're aren't we taking the hormones to keep us?

Kerri Ann 21:54

No, we're keeping the hormones to keep our body like stable.

Adrianne 21:58

I think with that progress, you gotta. rip it all off. Like you can't, like once you stop, then you go into like full line.

Kerri Ann 22:04

Why would we just I've been taking six I'm just trying to time and I went through perimenopause, menopause, thought I was done with menopause, menopause coming back, menopause chapter three, like that's all that it's been.

Leanna 22:16

So you're already you're in the end stages of it.

Kerri Ann 22:18

Oh yeah, because they can t do tests and they tell you where you are on that silly scale. What? Have you guys ever come on with all of our doctors that we've seen? I know the one doctor that we see she will do the scale to tell you what you're already done that. Your lab work will say if you're pairing she sees someone different. Yeah I see someone different there but never but your lab work will say where you are all right I'm gonna have to ask because it's like a combination of your eggs lack of eggs this, that, the other, your brain all of it together. And that is my and my brain she's like my brain your body's lost it your brain's okay. You must be doing brain games. No yeah but they can tell you where you're at like I'm just in a continual on this side of the levels. I don't know why.

Leanna 23:03

Ooh so if you knew you were delaying it would you go off everything just to get through it faster?

Kerri Ann 23:08

Is that what you're saying? Because I thought you said I am not giving up Wimmy don't know why you made me say why me because you said sex. What's happening? So you you can't stay in perimenopause for the I can't even talk you can't stay in perimenopause for your whole life. Are you thinking you stay it off and that way you don't have to deal with the menopause part of it? That's what I'm asking because No.

Adrianne 23:33

Here's what I'm saying. Okay because when you think about our parents because my mom did the same thing like they put her on stuff and be like oh no nope take you off put you on take you off and then finally they had her not they were like you can't be on anything well they did that because all of the things they said cause cancer and they were different then forced her into you know to fully go into menopause because no more medication. So I'm saying in our day and age now that we have all of these medications. No you're going through the whole thing.

Kerri Ann 23:58

While on medication with it all you're going you're going to do so that just lessens the symptoms.

Leanna 24:03

I'm never coming off if I'm gonna dry up like a raisin.

Kerri Ann 24:06

I don't want to that's when you're done when you're done with what? When you're done with this beautiful gift that we got from I'm not even gonna say God because he didn't give it to us. I don't know biology. I don't know what it is. Okay. He's a part of it so I guess I can't but when you're done okay and it's like done don't think it's done because I've thought I've been done two or three times. Well done. So you go through it first. I'll tell you when you're done done. Okay. Then oh the timer and I thought that was gonna be when you're done done then there's other things like m moisture of skin of all areas. Like there's other things you have to unless you're gonna go live in the with still taking all of these things. No when okay when you are done done unless you're gonna go live in the forest by yourself and you would like to have a relationship and you want to do all these things have special married people time. There is some level of stuff you need to alter and continue to do.

SPEAKER_04 25:14

Okay.

Kerri Ann 25:15

Don't you guys watch TV for all those commercials that are on I mean I see a lot of commercials all right I'll make keep a list for us of the things a list.

Adrianne 25:23

I mean I I guess I don't think about that because you I mean like you sometimes talk about all of these like retirement homes and they're all getting it on so I just yes but there is a lot of accoutrements that go along with it.

Kerri Ann 25:34

And I know our timer went off.

Adrianne 25:38

All right we gotta wrap it up ladies tell us what symptoms that shocked you and what you're doing to have a better life.

Voice Over 25:45

See you next time. And that's a wrap on today's episode of the Group Chat Goes Live Slightly Salty Edition. If you laughed cringed nodded along or mentally texted your bestie good that means we did our job make sure you follow subscribe and slide into our DMs with your own slightly salty stories. You know we love the chaos. Until next time keep your group chat spicy and the real world slightly saltier