Becoming The Person You Want To Be Before You Feel Ready

You can’t wait for confidence to show up before you make the move, because confidence usually shows up after. We get honest about what it really takes to become “her” before you feel ready: taking the leap with an imperfect plan, learning in public, and trusting that you’ll either make it work or make it better the next time.

We also dig into the uncomfortable side of growth. Sometimes you finally reach the version of yourself you were chasing and realize you don’t even like her. We talk about the image traps that come with sales culture, the pressure to “reward” success with stuff, and the quiet moment where you admit you want peace more than you want applause. From freedom of time and simplified choices to family priorities and faith, we share how our definition of success has matured and what it costs to realign with your core values.

One of the biggest takeaways is the power of the pause. If you’re always sprinting toward the next goal, you’ll miss the life you worked so hard to build. We share what we’ve learned from older generations about regret, reflection, and making meaningful pivots, plus how to respond when someone says, “You’ve changed,” like it’s an insult. (Sometimes it’s proof you’re doing the work.)

If you’re building a business, changing careers, or simply trying to become a healthier, calmer, more intentional version of yourself, hit play. Then subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a push, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

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Leanna: https://www.facebook.com/ldebellevue/

Kerri Ann: https://www.facebook.com/kerri.carmodyvalenzuela

Want to send us a message? Contact us here:  

Adrianne: adrianne@lynchteamaz.com

Kerri Ann: info@allaboutyouplacement.com

Leanna: info@debellevueconsulting.com

Transcript

Slightly Salty Welcome

Voice Over 0:02

Welcome to the Group Tech Goes Live Slightly Salty Edition, where your three favorite troublemakers turn the chaos of the group text into a full-blown weekly show. We're talking real life, real opinions, and just enough sass to keep things interesting. No filters, no perfection. Just three women with big personalities, bold stories, and a habit of saying the quiet parts out loud. So grab your drink, brace yourself, and join us. Because the group chat didn't just spill the tea, it went live.

Adrianne 0:33

All

Becoming Her Before You’re Ready

Adrianne 0:34

right, ladies, we are back for another episode. And today we're gonna talk about becoming her before you feel ready to be her. To be her. Okay. Yes. So in all of our businesses, we definitely have those challenges where we just jump out hoping it all is gonna work. And so a lot of people can't do that. So what do you feel like makes you that personality that you can do it? Wait a second, why can you not?

Leanna 1:02

I don't know. I guess in my head, that's not even it. Like you said it, and I'm like, I don't understand.

Adrianne 1:07

Like, how do you well, you know, if you're I feel like if you're much more analytical, you need all your ducks in a row before you take the leap. Where I feel like the three of us are very different. I'm probably a mix of the two, but the three of us are very I know where I need to go, I'm not sure how it's gonna happen, but we're just gonna go and we'll see if we like fall off the cliff or we fly off the cliff.

Kerri Ann 1:32

And what is that saying that you ask for forgiveness instead of permission? That's how I live my entire life. That's how we do it.

Leanna 1:39

Yeah. No, I think I I know I have ducks somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

Somebody else is taking care of them.

Leanna 1:48

Third daycare. That's fine. But if you have to wait until everything's right, how would you ever move? I've never had everything line up that tells me to do something. Like I would literally still be at square one.

Adrianne 2:02

But what do you think it what do you think within you makes that happen where you don't have to have everything? So I say this because you know, a lot of people want to start a business and they're like, oh, this is gonna be easy. I have, but then they freeze because they don't have all the answers, or they're the uh nonstop researchers, or they're uh constantly going to a class to learn something, but they're not leaping. So what do you feel like is in you that you just go?

Leanna 2:27

Honestly, I think it's a survival instinct. Like I didn't grow up with a family really, right? Like I was raised by my grandma, I turned 18, she was like, Well, that's been fun. And I we high-fived on the way out for me to go to college and then my kids young. Like it's always I've always been in survival mode. Like I I don't know how to I I think you guys know, like when there's times of peace, like it freaks me out. Like I think it's pure survival at this point, right? Just do it. I'll I'll either figure out how to make it work or I'll figure out how to do it better next time. But I think it at this point, as that it's kind of sad for me to say, honestly, but I think it's a survival instinct, right? Because no one's really been there to save me. Right. Now I have Jeff and we do things together, but there's no one to save us. So You created a world of comfort by living in discomfort too. Very true, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. How did you get that way?

Adrianne 3:27

I mean, I feel like I'm actually a mix because I do like to have a plan, but I will test the waters with a partial plan. But I have a really hard time. I even have read the book, I think three times, The Failing Forward. I have a really hard time with failing. So I take it very personally and very internally. So I will jump, but I will jump knowing like you don't have a choice because it's not, we're not gonna let it fail because I know I take that. And Terry'll say he's like, you're so ridiculous. He's like, you'll tell people all the time, it's fine. You know, you can fail, you're gonna learn. And even like with him all the time. It's fine. I'm fine. You know, like million multimillionaires failed five businesses before they became old. But then if it comes to me, I am freaking out if something's not working right because I just have such a high standard. So I feel like I'm a little bit of a mix, but I will jump knowing there is no option of it failing. Like we'll figure it out.

Leanna 4:21

But I think we pivot enough along the way that we don't fail. You know what I'm saying? Like something might be.

SPEAKER_04 4:27

Oh, sometimes we fail.

Leanna 4:29

No.

Kerri Ann 4:30

Oh. We don't fail. I don't know. Maybe it's not a full fail. See, that's exactly it. We don't full fail.

SPEAKER_04 4:37

It's a very close to fail. We jump on the trampoline and it shoots us back up. I know. I'm like, what are you talking about, Willis? That's how the group chat started. I know. We had to save each other. I know.

Leanna 4:51

Hmm.

Kerri Ann 4:52

What's you? I don't know. I think like I I'll take it way back old school. Like the her that I was just a mom and I'm dropping the kids off, and I would see other moms, and I'd be like, I don't want to show up at pickup every day in the same workout clothes. Hey, no, hold on. That I that I had like I guess I don't know. I I guess I've always had that where I want to be better and do better and and see myself in achieving and doing things differently. Do you think it's something we're born with?

Adrianne 5:40

I think there's certain personalities that some people are meant to be entrepreneurs and some are not, which obviously in business you need those that are not to run the bus, you know, help run the business. But I think I don't know, I think on some people, I think you just have a passion of like I love to challenge myself. Like if I set a goal and then I hit it, I'm like, man, you did not set a goal high enough. You know, like Carrie's always like, you don't celebrate things, but I don't, because I'm like, well, why did you hit that? That should not have happened. And then it's like, okay, well, then what else could we do? Or how do we do, you know, and then I could push myself to almost a mental breakdown. But now that I've set thrown it out there, I don't have a choice.

Kerri Ann 6:16

I've always just been that kind of person where I'm like, I will figure this out.

Leanna 6:20

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 6:20

Like I want this, I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna get there and I'm gonna figure it out. So I don't think I've ever been afraid in that respect. I mean, there is fear in the process, you know, because as you're going, you're thinking, why the hell did I even decide I was gonna try this? Yeah. But I just always knew I'm gonna get there. Somehow I'm gonna get there. And like you said, I'm gonna get there and be successful, or I'm gonna get there and have learned from it, and then I'm gonna get further and get there again and do because I just think there's like you said, I think there's certain personalities where I I don't, I don't think I'll ever retire. I don't, I think I always will have to be doing something because that's just me. And now I'm in that space of doing wanting to do these big things and these heart things and these helpful things and you know, getting the team to reach their goals. Like there's a whole bunch of things that are gearing me towards that. But I do think, like we had said to you when you sold the business, we're like, give yourself some time. But we always knew that you were gonna come back at a point, which you did, and you were like, okay, I've had enough time. Yeah. There's just certain personalities that are like that.

Adrianne 7:36

Yeah, I don't think any of us could truly retire. Like in my mind, I'll probably be a professional goat farmer. Yes.

Leanna 7:43

I was gonna figure out a way to bring it right.

Adrianne 7:46

I didn't, but I was gonna say, like, volunteer, like I will volunteer somewhere all the time. Like I I don't think that I truly will ever I will retire. I mean, I don't want to be the agent who's 70 selling real estate because they're not a, you know, right. I don't want that stigma of like, oh, well, they don't know what's going on or something. And I also don't want to have to be at a point where I'm constantly having to grind in my 70s. I want to enjoy all the hard work we've put in, but I do think I would volunteer be doing something because I could not sit still.

When The Future You Feels Wrong

Kerri Ann 8:20

Have you ever been in a space where the her that you were getting to was a her you didn't really like too much? Yes.

Leanna 8:27

Ooh, yeah, but I didn't know it going into it. It was once I became that that I was like, this is not I don't enjoy that.

Kerri Ann 8:36

Yeah.

Leanna 8:36

And then how do you get yourself out?

Kerri Ann 8:38

That's a hard pivot. Yeah. That's I think failing or semi-not meeting the mark of uh her of the future, you can move forward easier because, like you said, then you just go, okay, what didn't work, and now I'm gonna not do that again. Yeah, but when you get to a space and you're like, Who am I right now? How did I get here? Yeah, I think that's a growth moment. It's hard, but it's a growth moment.

Leanna 9:07

I think that's a a hard conversation with yourself. Oh yeah, right. I think just me personally, I thought so much of the her I wanted to become was associated with things.

Kerri Ann 9:18

Yeah.

Leanna 9:19

A certain car, a certain purse, a certain shoe, a certain whatever, right? Because I thought then I will have made it, right? Like that's the thing. And then I got that and I was like, well, that was silly, right? Because I put so much value in items that weren't that it didn't fill me up at all. And in that moment, it was really easy for me to say, wait, I want to pour into people. I want to have real conversations, I want to scale down. I don't need a hundred people at my birthday. I want 10 or 20 of like my close whatever, right? Those people. And it's hard because I had to be honest with myself that I allowed myself to become someone that wasn't in alignment with who where my core values were.

Adrianne 10:13

Right. I and I feel like at in on a sales realm, maybe in, you know, if we say 10 years ago, there was such a push of things. Like if you're in sales and you hit a goal, like you go buy that purse or you go get that car, or you go like it was like, okay, this is what you have to do. So people think that you're accomplished, or and I feel like the same. Like, did we buy the things and have the things? Yes. And then I think you get to a point where it's like, well, wait, I'd rather have peace. I'd rather have my home paid off or whatever it is. Like that to me says success versus, you know, I have all of these things now. And I feel like that took me not caring what anyone thought and just shifting my mindset of like what is success internally for me and my family, yeah, not the outside world. But I feel like every coach and trainer and like everything when you first are learning sales was all about buying, yeah, rewarding yourself on things, and that you can get in that trap of doing that.

Leanna 11:12

Yeah. I think you guys have walked me through that just recently. Like it used to be that success was the things, or success was a certain level of business or a certain dollar take home. Now, to me, success is freedom of time, right? We can go, Jeff can fly and go pick Lily up and she can be here for 10 days. Like, that doesn't typically happen in the real world when you have a job, right? An eight to five type of thing. Or we are gonna go on a cruise, or we are going to go to the doctor's at Tuesday at 10 o'clock. Like there's just a freedom of time, and that comes with simplifying things, right? So you guys walked me through. We talked about selling the house. Do we really want to do that? No, honestly, because what it's going to allow us, yeah, now we don't have to worry about all of the things, right? It it just condenses it and it's changed. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like who I'm becoming now is the most intentional I've ever been. I think I've allowed myself to become versions of myself in the past inadvertently. Like I was, I was following a coach that says you have to do this, you have to do that, right? Or, you know, the cool kids club. They are all doing this, so let me do that. And now it's like, who do I want to be? Like, who do my children need me to be? Who does my husband need to be? Who does my who do my friends need me to be? Who do I want to be? And I think most importantly the question I'm asking now that I've never asked before is who does God want me to be? Right? Never gave it much thought.

Adrianne 12:51

So and I think that's an important piece that not many people at our age can be at a point where you can have your grandbaby for 10 days. You can take off and go on a cruise. I mean, I think when you start learning those things, like God does want peace. And I think, you know, it talks all the a lot about you don't need things, possessions, sell it all, because it is a trap, because you get yourself into a constant trap. So I feel like that's one where you are maturing as an adult when you start realizing like family is more important, freedom and time's more important than things and possessions. Yeah. And that's a big growth moment in life because it's hard to give that kind of stuff up. And it's hard to worry about the image of people and everyone's opinion in life and just living your own little bubble of life and what makes you happy. So that is a big growth moment.

Pause And Love On Who You Are

Kerri Ann 13:46

But I do think that when you find or when you put out the her you want to be or the him you want to be, that when you get there, you have to pause and love on that person. Because I think that is the I know for me, that's been the hamster wheel that I ha got on, where for a lot of years I would put that, you know, the carry of the future, who I wanted to be. And then I got there and it was like, okay, the next one, okay, the next, okay, the next. And I told you guys it took, it took a slam down of someone just going, I remember you telling me where you wanted to be, what your dream was for this business. And you realize you've already gotten there. And I didn't pause in the next her to appreciate that. Like someone had to tell me. And now I'm in a space where I'm gonna really take the time to put the next carry ahead, and when I get there, love on her.

Leanna 14:50

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 14:51

Because I need to do that. Because there's not gonna be uh a lot of next carries, you know, like I'm you know, I'm not getting any younger.

Voice Over 15:01

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 15:01

So I think that's a big part of the you know, the next her, the next him is the art of that pause and the art of really, like you said, evaluating and going, okay, I'm here now. Yeah. Do I buy something new? Do I do this? Do I do that? And then the evaluation was, no, that's just kind of not me right now. And this is what we need.

Leanna 15:25

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 15:26

Because it's hard to do that.

Leanna 15:30

I'm in the middle of it, right? And one, I think you have so much love to give, and anyone who knows you, like I think it's just instantly feels loved on. Not everyone. But only the important people. I would say that 99.9%. But I think those people who listen that know you would agree with me on that. But I don't know if I see you loving on you. So the idea that you're gonna stop and do that instead of you know what I mean, just take that moment to love on you and the version that you've become, like that makes my heart happy, right? Because if you love yourself even a fraction of the way that you love on us, that's nice of you. I can't imagine what that would do to anybody's soul.

Kerri Ann 16:20

Well, I'm just saying. Well, I I think a big part of it is because like we talk, like that's why I posed the question have you gotten to the her of the next her and not really liked that her? Yeah. And I think that that's a place that I got. Not that I was being bad or awful or doing anything wrong, but when I got there, I thought I would feel differently.

Leanna 16:44

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 16:44

And then it it made me really pause then to go, okay, where are you going, sister? Like, what is this all about?

Leanna 16:54

I don't know of anyone who's not had that experience of like I got to the version of myself and I don't necessarily love it. Have you? Yeah, I think Or do you just love every level of you? No.

Adrianne 17:08

I mean, I've had levels of me that when I got there, I thought, this isn't you, and this is not the personality or the person you want to be or you are, but got wrapped up into I don't want to say an ego, but I want to say an ego. Like I got wrapped up into an ego that I knew wasn't me, but then I was in it, yeah, and then I was trying to maintain it, and I was miserable, and I feel like I had to just, you know, I stripped everything. I mean, you know, like I got rid of everything. I jumped the team. Like I was like, you're starting from ground zero. Like you have to become you you know who you are. Yeah. And where is she? And so I have been there and stripped it, and I didn't care what anyone thought because I knew I my own inner peace wasn't there. And now I am happier than I ever have been because I think I took back who I was.

Leanna 18:02

And and I do you think you went back to an old version of yourself, or did you become a new version?

Adrianne 18:08

I think I'm an I feel like I'm a new version of myself that I I guess a mix. I used to be a people pleaser, and I also don't like to fail. So I would I just felt like I was doing everything for everybody else, but it wasn't making me happy. It was making me miserable because I just felt like I was constantly having to like I was constantly pleasing everybody else. And I was, I don't know what I was reading or watching, but it was talking about a lot of our generation. If you are the people pleasers and you're the ones that are like constantly trying to make sure everyone else is happy, but you're not, it's all about trauma in your childhood because you started so young taking care of yourself. And I thought, well, who is taking care of me? And not that Terry doesn't take care of me because he does. But like internally, I'm like, why do you feel like you have to do all these things and put out all this energy that you're not getting back just for what image? And then it was making me a person I I didn't like. And so I feel like I'm a different version. I feel like I'm a mature version of the decisions I make. Yeah. And I put my most of the time, I won't say all, because Tara will be like, what? I put my family, I feel like most of the time. Like work obviously is, you know, we can't, I mean, no, work is part of our family. We all run businesses. Yeah. But I feel like I do take the time off now. I do go on trips. I had things that I before would have been like, no, I can't do. So I feel like I'm a better version, but I also for myself know what I'm willing to put up with or not, or if I want to drop something and I don't feel guilty anymore. Because I'm like, you know what? No. Like the Lord's got it. And if I'm feeling it internally that it's bothering me, then something's there. And I've just now I've had to learn to be like, okay, it's okay to let it go because something's

Regret Proofing Your Future Self

Adrianne 20:02

wrong.

Kerri Ann 20:02

And it's not. You know what? And I will tell you, I I always tell you guys, I work with the best group of people. You know, I love my seniors. And I spend a lot of time talking to a lot of them all the time for years and years and years. And, you know, on this subject, the seniors that I have talked to that when they tell me stories and reflect about their lives, the ones that are more peaceful and that don't have, we all have regrets, but don't have a ton of regrets, are the ones that live their lives that way. And the ones that I see that are bitter and very negative and just in that space are the ones that have a lot of regrets because they didn't do that process. I mean, you you I sit and listen to stories, and it's just so evident that, you know, that's and I will tell you, I mean, a lot of that reflection of me sitting and looking was a combination of the heavens above, situations, our conversations. And sometimes when you least expect it, you have a visit with, you know, I'll have a visit with one of my seniors who I love, and for some reason they are talking straight to me about their lives and saying, don't do this. But the hers and the hymns that they change through lives and pausing and loving and reevaluating and making very meaningful decisions about the next step, knowing that they can't live forever, are the ones that are just more peaceful and more happy and can reflect really beautifully on their lives.

Voice Over 21:40

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 21:41

And that's a big part that's in my head that I don't I'm gonna end up older, I'm gonna end up in that space. And I really want and hope to sit in reflection of all the me's and be proud and not have a ton of a regret bag sitting next to.

Adrianne 22:00

Yeah. And I think it's a great example for our kids too. Yeah. Like that there are different versions of you, and it's okay to pivot and make the changes and and see us throughout. I mean, my kids have seen several different versions of me through business because they lived as growing the businesses. So they see the struggle, and you know, I feel like they were very like, no, I'm not going to do real estate. I would never want to do this. And now that they work regular jobs and they're like, hey, mom, like maybe I want to. You know, and I think that shifts their that they've seen the versions of what it's taken for us, but also as we get older, I don't know, I feel like we're all better versions for our kids. Yeah. And they've seen us calm down.

unknown 22:44

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 22:45

Yeah. And no matter what kind of personality you are, no matter what, if you're a business owner or not a business owner, or a man or a woman, like just don't stop looking to the next you.

Leanna 22:56

Yeah. And honestly, giving people the space and the respect to acknowledge that it might be a new version of them. Yes. Right? Because how many times they for them.

Kerri Ann 23:09

You've changed sentence. When people look at you and say, Well, you've changed.

Leanna 23:14

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Kerri Ann 23:15

All the guilt that comes with that.

Leanna 23:16

Yeah. Yeah. Don't be like to people. I know. Yeah. Yes, I have. I've worked really hard. There you go. Right? Yeah. Knowing that they don't mean it as a compliment, but you just showing them that yeah, I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Because if you're not growing, you're dying.

Adrianne 23:31

And you know, not today. And if people don't see that, then I feel bad for them because then that means they're not shifting their own mindset to enjoy their own life if they're worried about someone else's. It's on them. Yeah, it is on them. Yeah. I'd be like, I haven't seen change in you. So it's a nanny nanny poo-poo.

Leanna 23:51

What does that say about you? We have a podcast you should listen to because we talked about this.

Your Next Version Starts Now

Adrianne 23:59

On that note, tell us how you have changed or what good things have come from your new versions or next version.

Voice Over 24:08

Sweet. See you next time. Bye. And that's a wrap on today's episode of the Group Chat Goes Live Slightly Salty Edition. If you laughed, cringed, nodded along, or mentally texted your bestie, good. That means we did our job. Make sure you follow, subscribe, and slide into our DMs with your own slightly salty stories. You know we love the chaos. Until next time, keep your group chat spicy, and the real world slightly saltier.