Hold Yourself to Your Own Standards {Ep 206}

Tired of feeling “behind” because your path doesn’t match the internet’s timeline? I dig into a calmer, saner way to grow: defining success on your terms, at your pace, with your values in the lead. From ditching 4 a.m. routines that don’t fit your life to questioning glossy profit posts, this conversation is a reset for anyone overwhelmed by comparison and one-size-fits-all playbooks.

I talk through why different responsibilities demand different strategies, how to build sturdy foundations before you scale, and what it looks like to measure progress by actions you can control. You’ll hear candid stories about following a coach’s niche advice that backfired, then realigning with a personal north star and watching clarity return. I also unpack the math behind “six-figure launches,” separating revenue from profit, and show how quiet, steady growth can be more sustainable than loud wins that fizzle.

If you’ve ever wondered whether moving slowly means you’re doing it wrong, consider this your permission slip to choose a pace that protects your energy and your quality. You’ll leave with practical prompts to define your version of enough, set standards you actually believe in, and stop performing for approval. Ready to trade noise for alignment and build a business that fits your life, not the other way around? Listen now, subscribe for future episodes, and share this with a friend who needs the reminder. Then tell me what does success looks like for you today?

Transcript

Welcome And Topic Framing

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Welcome to this episode of Tuesday Talks with Darlene. Thank you for subscribing, liking, sharing, commenting. All of that beautiful stuff that helps me. Today I want to talk about holding yourself to your own standards, not other people. Because it's easy to lose your way when you're constantly watching what everyone else is doing. And I've been there, I've done it. Occasionally it still comes up, and I'm grateful because it reminds me, and I've got the awareness. It can make you question your pace, your choices, or even your direction. And that's another thing that happened to me as well working with a coach. I don't have anything bad to say about anyone because I don't do that. Like that's just not what I do. Now, this episode is about coming back to your standards, your timing, and your definition of a success. Not the ones on Instagram, not what your coach says, not the industry, or even your peers you've been told to follow. So what if isn't what if there's nothing wrong with how you're doing it? What if you're not off track like people tell you you are? You're just listening to your own timeline. Something to think about. Because you don't want to listen to a timeline that was never yours. You listen to your own. Now, your way doesn't have to look like theirs. This is something I learned the hard way. We all build our lives under different circumstances. I have two sisters. We grew up in exactly the same household, all the same things, and we're all very, very different. There is different energy, different values, and different responsibilities. I really do get over those so-called people, Lagurus and everything, that tell you you have to get up at 4 a.m. and you have to do this, this, and this and this. Yet you might be somebody that has children. You might be somebody that has other responsibilities. You might be caring for someone. You cannot do what they do because they have no responsibilities. Think about that. Do not look at them and think, well, if they can do it, so can I. Not when you've got different responsibilities. Somebody else's pace doesn't mean anything about yours. Think about the fact that you're looking at somebody and their pace seems to move really quickly. It doesn't mean they're doing it better. And it doesn't mean that moving slowly means you're doing it wrong. For me, I actually had to learn how to slow down so that I actually got my foundations solid. Because when I do go and I am definitely growing, then I've got those ready. They're actually ready to sustain that growth. That's what's important. When you're building a business, it has to fit your life, not their expectations. If you've got a coach, mentor, whatever that is telling you what to do, and you're thinking, hang on, you don't have any of what I've got. They've got expectations. You can't live up to their expectations because you know what matters to you. That is what should shape you the way you work, live, and create. What matters to you is what is important. Your values, your the way you want to live life, the way you want to grow your business, or whatever you want to do. Like I know there are so many business coaches out there that tell everyone that they've got to get to 10k months and then 20 and 30. I know of people that want to have their business provide them with an income that is enough for them. They don't want to be millionaires, multi-millionaires. Not everyone wants to be. So if your coach is telling you that you've got to do that, maybe it's time to find a new coach. And comparing makes it harder to see clearly. The more that you compare yourself to others, the more fog that there is going to be. Because when you keep watching somebody else's path, you'll start second guessing things that were actually working for you. That's what happened with my niche. I followed a coach because she told me what I should be doing. When I actually left that coach's program and came back to me, and what I knew was right, guess what? Things changed. Things changed for the better. Because I know what is right for me. And that leads to the next point. Decide what matters to you. You don't have to follow a formula. You get to decide what success looks like and feels like for you. And when you've got all those formulas out there, everyone's saying, if you follow my formula, this is going to happen. I've seen it recently where someone says, if you follow my formula, you're going to get a 10,000 um launch, you know, a$10,000 launch or whatever. No. They are further along in their journey. They have much more social proof. They have many more clients and everything. So when they launch, it does that. And guess what? Not every launch that they say does that actually does that. There's a lot on social media that is actually loads, and I'm calling it out. So what you see isn't always the truth. When you see people say, Oh, I made this much profit this month, did they though? Because when you look at your numbers, when you look at your finances, you need to take everything into account, including your own wage that you may not be taking out. And so the profit that they say may actually be three-quarters less than what they say. So please don't listen to what's on social media, except for me, of course. Only joking. And I want you to set your own version of progress. As I said, I slowed down because I needed my foundations to be really solid. What are you working towards? And how do you want to feel as you go? None of this hustle mentality, and you've got to do this and you've got to do that. I know I can't remember his name, but he's really famous for the 4 a.m. club. Like, I don't mind getting up early at 4 a.m. No way in heck. Sometimes I'll get up early to see the sunrise. And I used to do that a lot. It'll happen again when I'm ready. But I'm not going to get up at 4 a.m. That's too early for me. And my body tells me when to rest, how much sleep, etc. And success can be steady, simple, or quiet. Because as I said, not everyone wants to be a millionaire or a multimillionaire, or even a hundred thousand, or even fifty thousand. What if you want, say, an extra 20,000 a year? What if that's all you want? Yet you're following coaches and that that say you've got to get 10k months and then you've got to get 10k weeks and blah blah blah. That doesn't align with what you want. So again, success can be steady, simple, or quiet. It might look like more time with your family. It might mean feeling calm when you work. It might just mean being proud of how you showed up. And I'm proud of how I show up every day. If that means all I do is do two posts for that day, guess what? That is progress. And I'm proud of it. And I want you to be honest with yourself. There's no point chasing that goal that doesn't even matter to you. Say what you want and stop pretending it has to look impressive. Oh, look at me, I've done this, this, and this. Don't chase what doesn't matter to you. And that's why when you work with the right coach, you grow. And you grow in beautiful ways that are aligned to you. And what I want you to think about is stop performing for approval. This is one thing, and I get a bit carry about it. One thing that I really had to let go of. I was looking to others for approval. Because if you're always waiting for someone else to validate your choices, even silently, you'll never feel solid in what you're doing. You don't need anybody else's approval. You just need your own approval. The most grounded work comes from knowing what matters to you. When you make decisions based on what's true for you, not what people expect, then things still start to feel a lot lighter. I make aligned decisions now. I make decisions that are aligned for me and for my business and following my north star. I make sure that those decisions keep me following my north star. Because it feels right for me. And it feels amazing when you do that. Now, I had to come to the decision that there was nothing wrong with the way that I'm doing my business. The way that I'm running my business. I'm not scaling fast. Yes, that's going to happen. That's why I wanted my foundation solid. And you don't have to explain to anybody out there why you're doing it differently. Who cares what anybody else thinks? What you do is nobody else's business. If you've got family, partner, whatever, then yes, that's a different thing. But if you're like me and it's my life and no one else's, then I'm not going to explain anything. Because when you move quietly, guess what? It's still movement. You're still moving. You don't have to get out there on social media and shout your progress, like I see so many people. What matters is that it's real to you. You won't see me on social media going blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know, like putting myself out there and going, look at all the progress I've made. That is not who I am. I don't need to tell anyone what progress I've made. Whose business is it of theirs? And I'm going to leave you with this. You don't need to keep chasing someone else's version of progress. You can choose your own pace. You can define your own success. And I really wish that you would do that. And you can live by your own standards. And that's more than enough. Because you're being invited to come back to your own voice, your own standards, and your own way. That's the only version that was ever going to work. Thank you so much for watching and listening, and I'll see you on the next episode.