Turning A Painful No Into Your Next Yes {B'Day Fun D2 Ep 209}

That quiet can feel deafening, but a no doesn’t get to narrate your future. I take you inside a compassionate, practical process to handle a failed launch or a declined offer without letting it harden into a limiting story. First, I frame the “energetic ouch” with a 24-hour rule which is a clear window to feel disappointment, anger, or frustration so the charge moves through your body instead of getting stuck. Then I get tactile.  Hands on your chest, arms, or belly to map where the sensation lives, because turning anxiety into a felt location transforms drama into data and opens your capacity to choose your next move.

From there, I validate what so many skip. The effort. Caring enough to ship is courage. I draw a sharp line between offer and identity so you stop treating market feedback like a verdict on your worth. Think café logic. Passing on the soup doesn’t mean the chef failed. It just wasn’t the choice today. With that mindset, I run a cool-headed audit: Was timing off? Was the message fuzzy? Did you under-communicate benefits or skip nurture content? I walk through how to gather evidence, invite honest feedback without pressure, and protect your confidence from confirmation bias that tries to keep you small and “safe.”

To close the loop, I anchor simple somatic rituals like wash your hands with intention, clear your desk, take a brisk walk and longer exhales to signal safety to your nervous system. I also explore the idea that some no’s are hidden protection, steering you away from misfit clients or burnout and creating space for a better-aligned yes. You don’t need a dramatic comeback. You need one grounded step that reminds you you’re still here and not done. Update one line, message one person, sketch one idea. Your magic didn’t vanish, your value didn’t change, and your next yes may already be on the horizon. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs the reframe, and leave a quick review telling us the one small step you’ll take today.

Transcript

The 24-Hour Rule For Disappointment

Get Out Of Fixing Mode

Locate Feelings In The Body

From Story To Sensation

Effort Counts And Courage

Offer vs Identity Split

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Hi, and welcome to this week's Tuesday Talks with Darlene, this beautiful episode. And I want to talk about what actually happens when you get a no or a failed launch or anything like that and how to move through it. Because we're often told to, you know, fail fast, to pick ourselves back up, but we really talk about what to do with that heavy sinking feeling that sits in your chest or somewhere in your body the moment that things don't go to plan. Today I'm talking about how to process the disappointment of a no or failed launch without letting it get stuck into your system. Thank you again for watching and listening wherever you are in this beautiful world. Now let's think about acknowledging that energetic ouch. You get the no, you you do this beautiful launch of a service or product and it doesn't work out. Think about how that feels in your body. You go, oh, ouch, you know, you can actually feel it. And what I want to do is I want you to think about the 24-hour rule. Because when something doesn't land, most of us go straight into fixing mode. And I know that from experience, we all, like not all of us, but a majority of us want to fix things. And instead of just sitting and listening, we go straight into fixing mode. Okay, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know, we might tweak the sales page, we might refresh our inbox, we even look for what we did wrong. But that energy, that's not penny, that's actually power. So instead, give yourself 24 hours, yes, 24 hours, a beautiful, contained, intentional window, just to be human, be disappointed, be upset, be annoyed, be angry, whatever emotions you want to feel, feel them. Because they're there for a reason. And if we don't acknowledge them, if we push them down, guess what happens? Think of the jack in the box. It gets compressed and it gets compressed, and then eventually it gets wound up and kaboom. That's what happens with our emotions. If we keep pushing them down, there will be an explosion. We want to acknowledge them. Have that tiny pity party. Go for it. Don't sit in it though. Don't stay there. Because that is also when you develop a story and you keep repeating that story. I had someone and we would get on a call every week. This person repeated the same story, and it was draining for me. It was really draining because I'm thinking, oh my goodness, nothing is changing for you. So if you sit in that tiny pity party and you stay there, nothing's going to change. Yes, have the emotions, have that pity party, don't stay there. Because when you have that no, you know, a client might say, No, I don't want to work with you, or you know, person you've jumped on a call with, or the launches failed. You don't have to be high vibe on that day. You don't have to be. You're allowed to feel it all before you decide to fix it. And of course, we don't fix anything, you know, we we look at things and that. Now, when you're sitting with these feelings, locate the feelings. As I said, instead of spiraling in your head, I want you to pause and check in with your body. And this is something we're not actually taught to do. We're taught that everybody else has the authority around our body. As a female, and I'm talking from experience because I worked in the field and I'm a female. Doctors, nurses, so many people don't acknowledge what I'm actually feeling. If I go to a doctor for something, they know better than me. Yet it's my body, they don't know better than me. I'm going to them for expert help. Yet, if they say something, and it's happened throughout a long time in the medical system, women were thrown into a mental institution, you know, for basically anything. They might have had a cry, and the husband's like, Oh no, I can't cope with that, all the family, whatever. Throw them in a mental institution because they're hysterical. So learn how to tune into your body, learn what is happening. And one of the best ways to do is literally just putting your hands on your um anywhere on your body, closing your eyes and just intentionally tuning into those hands. Where are they? What does it what sense what sensation am I having where those hands are? Really go into what is happening within your body. And the more you do that, the more you'll be able to quickly do it. That way, if you get the failed launch or the no instantly, you've got to know where it is in your body. It takes practice to learn to tune into your body, and that's okay. That's why you just start simply with a hand somewhere on the body. For some reason, I'm putting straight onto my upper arms. It's like I'm giving myself a hug, isn't that gorgeous? Feel, you know, what is what is happening where those hands are. For me, I'm feeling pressure. It's not a bad pressure, though, it's good. It's like, as I said, it's like I'm giving myself a hug. It's feeling beautiful. And then as I'm talking, I'm noticing sensation in my upper chest and a little bit into the throat, not full into the throat, just there. So, what is going on? What is happening? And this is because I'm really coming out and speaking my truth, and I'm getting firm. So, again, pause and check in with your body. Where is that no, or whatever sensation, feeling, etc., has come up, where is it actually sitting in your body? Is it tight in your throat? Is it heavy in your chest, or is it twisted in your stomach? Maybe you're going to get up and you can't because your legs feel heavy. Wherever it is located, that's perfect. It's perfect for you. Don't let anyone tell you that if you get a no, it should always be heavy in the chest. Guess what? Every single one of us is a different human being, which means we're all going to react differently, and when you locate this feeling, it stops being this big dramatic story about your entire future. Instead, it just becomes a sensation, and what an amazing experience that is. You turn this from spiraling into a sensation, and sensations they move, they pass, they don't define you. This no or the failed launch, or whatever it is, does not define you unless you let it. And me from experience, I've let things define me. I'm not doing that anymore. And man, is it powerful. I am not going to let anger define me. I'm not going to let my past define me. Because guess what? That's the past. What lessons did I learn? And how do I move forward? That's what it's about. What lessons are you learning? And how are you going to move forward from this? I want you to validate the effort as well. If it didn't matter to you, it wouldn't hurt. And that's okay. Because this is showing you you're on the right path. You're aligned, you're passionate, and that is so fantastic. That ache, that heaviness, that tightness, whatever sensation is proof that you care. It's proof that you put your heart and soul into something. That is not a weakness. That is courage. How many people have started a business? How many people are still going? Even after no's and fold launches, etc. How many people are still going? And I want you to acknowledge that you showed up. You cared. You offered something real. You offered something real. You cared. I'm repeating these words because it means something. I want you to acknowledge that you showed up. You created, you should offered something real. Let that count. Because even if the outcome wasn't what you hoped for, you still went for it. There are many people out there, and I know this from experience, that have these great ideas, and yet they never launch. They never put that offer out there. I was one of those people. I did things like that. And now I do put offers out there. And guess what? Not everything works. And that can be down to me as well. That can actually be down to me not doing what I plan to do, not creating all these amazing posts to talk about the offer, to talk about what's actually in the offer, creating posts around the content that's in now, letting people know what the offer is. That is for me. And I want you to actually separate your value from the results that have happened. And this is the offer versus identity split. A no to your offer is not a no to you. So many times I took on board. Oh my goodness, they didn't want to work with me. What does that mean? What have I done wrong? What's wrong within me? That is not what it actually means. And I'm getting terrible, please, please don't let it mean there's something wrong with you. Because there's not. It's just something happened that you want to look at and say, okay, they said no. And you can even ask them if if it's on a call, you can even go. I'm not going to you know push you to actually say yes. I would just like to know why you said no, so I can understand for me. You're not pushing them into a sale, you're just asking, I just want feedback, and that's really powerful because it may have been something on a call, or it may have even been something, okay, this got me in, yet this is why I said no. It's really powerful. Because if someone walks into a cafe and skips a soup, it doesn't mean the chef is unwanted. Think about that. You walk into a cafe, you get a hot chocolate, there's all these foods, and I say hot chocolate because I drink hot chocolate, there's all these foods there. I don't buy them sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't want the chef, it just means I only wanted the hot chocolate, and that's something to think about. That's all that that person wanted today. And your launch results are data about an offer, not a verdict on your worth. As I've said, we all of this we can really take on board and think there's something wrong with us. Your magic didn't disappear because the star the cart stayed quiet. Someone can go to your website, they can look at what you're offering, they can even go check out and then something, click on the you know, add to cart, and then something happens and they don't check out. Don't make it mean there's something wrong with you. And I want you to actually audit the no with cool eyes. That means you've taken the 24 hours and you've come back because coming back after the 24 hours, that emotional charge has softened, and only then do you look at it objectively? Not as a wounded founder, instead, as a researcher, you're researching what happened, why did it happen? What can I do differently? And you're not from that emotional charge that happens when you get that no, and then you can look. Was the timing off? Was the message slightly unclear? Or was your audience distracted? When you shift yourself into curiosity, that shame falls away because we're taught to have shame over fail. You failed. Oh, oh man, that's so bad. You didn't come first. Oh, that's not good enough. That's not good enough. When that shame falls away, it becomes information, and that information is power, it is absolute power. We want information around things, and I want you to protect your confidence, be very aware of the story your mind wants to build, and it will want to build, because it will try and say, see, I knew this wouldn't work, I'm not cut out for this. You can just see someone saying that. Oh, I knew that you wouldn't succeed. You're not cut out to be a business person. Has anyone said that to you? Don't take it on because it's their story, not yours. And don't take on that story for yourself as well. Maybe, you know, there's people out there that are not cut out for business. If you're still going though, guess what? That means you are, and I'm going to say that means you are. When you say, when your mind tries to say things like, see, I knew this wouldn't work, I'm not cut out for this, that's confirmation bias. It is your brain looking for evidence to keep you small and safe. We are taught to stay safe. We're taught to stay small. In Australia, there's something called the tall poppy syndrome. If anyone wants to rise up and say, run a business or you know, have this amazing confidence, people will turn around and they do actually say it, oh, you're too tall for your britches. Meaning that you that they think you're just, you know, like, oh, look at their ego kind of thing. And it is something in Australia that people do. So be aware that the evidence around you is there to keep you small and safe. Don't let it, don't let one quiet result become the proof you use against yourself. One launch is not your destiny. One launch doesn't mean you're never going to achieve anything. Because guess what? As we've said, or as I've said, as we've said, oh okay, guides are coming through. As has been said, this is just one launch, and you're going to get data after that 24-hour period, after the emotional charge has gone down, you're getting data, and that data is important, and it's awesome. Once you've got all that beautiful data, let's clear the space for the next yes. We want to do the physical release. Our bodies hold on to experiences longer than our minds do. So close this chapter physically. Wash your hands with intention. As you wash them, you're going, I'm washing away all the emotions, all the sensations regarding the no that happened. I'm washing away any thoughts, patterns, and beliefs that have come up around this. I'm washing away anything that is not aligned. Do that. Clear your desk. Movement helps to move things through your body physically. Go for a fast walk and breathe deeper than usual. You're breathing out anything around this that is not aligned. Signal to your nervous system. It's done. I'm safe. We're moving forward now. These are all beautiful ways to help you release everything physically. And it's so cool. It is so absolutely amazing. And what I want you to do is I want you to find that hidden protection. And yes, I'm saying protection, because I genuinely believe some no's are protection in disguise. Maybe that client would have drained you. Maybe that busy month would have turned you in, tipped you into burnout, turned you into burnout. Well, maybe that as well. Maybe you needed the pause more than you knew. Ask yourself, what is this protecting me from? And what might it be making space for? A lot of the time that has happened for me. And guess what? That was space I needed because something happened. Last year, I needed to move, and that is why there wasn't much movement in my business. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. And I want you to open the door. You don't need a dramatic comeback. You don't need a re reinvention. You know, you don't need that. Just one small grounded step. Update something simple. Message a friend. Sketch out the idea next idea loosely. It's not about forcing momentum. It's about reminding yourself, I'm still here. I'm still available. And I'm not done. So if you're sitting with a no or a quiet launch right now, I want you to know that this isn't the end of the story. It's just a pause for a breath. Take your 24 hours, move that energy out of your body, and remind yourself that your magic hasn't gone anywhere. Your value is exactly the same today as it would be if you had a hundred yeses. Clear the space, trust the protection, and when you're ready, just take that one next small step. I'll be right here with you. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. And I honestly can't wait to see what your next yes looks like. I'm getting teary about this because I am I'm here for you. And I'm really grateful that you've listened or watched this episode. And I can't wait to see you on the next one.