Stop Shapeshifting. Letting Your Business Fit You {Ep 228}

If your business feels heavy, it’s not a sign you should “try harder”. It’s often a sign you’ve been shape shifting to fit expectations that were never designed for you in the first place. I’m talking about the slow, sneaky patterns that pull us out of our own rhythm. Saying yes when we don’t want to, stacking commitments we can’t hold, and forcing ourselves into routines that look productive but feel awful.

I share why your business should fit your life, not replace it, and why blindly following a “proven” coaching framework can leave you stuck in survival mode. I get honest about the parts of the coaching industry that encourage people to outsource their decisions, and why that can do real harm when the advice ignores your body, your energy, and the season of life you’re in. If you’ve ever felt guilty because you can’t match someone else’s pace, this conversation brings you back to what actually matters.

You’ll also hear practical shifts you can make right now. Setting cleaner boundaries, slowing down your yes, and letting your business run on response instead of reaction. Your inbox is not an emergency, and your work gets better when you make decisions from a calm, clear place. If you want a sustainable small business that supports your health, your family, and your real goals, press play.

Subscribe for more Tuesday Talks with Darleen, share this with a friend who’s burning out, and leave a review so more business owners can find this message.

Transcript

Welcome And The Core Idea

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi everyone and welcome to this episode of Tuesday Talks with Darlene. This is actually another one that came up after conversations with people. And I've called it Stop Shape Shifting. Let your business fit you. And it's really an interesting concept to think about because a lot of people slowly start changing themselves to make their business work. They say yes when they don't want to. I've done that so many times. Oh my goodness, so many times. And they take on more than they can hold. I've done that as well. They stretch themselves in ways that don't feel natural just to keep things going. And over time, you're going to lose your own rhythm and start feeling like you're working for your business instead of working with it. And that's what you want to do. You want to work with your business. And today is actually an episode about stopping that pattern and letting your business actually fit your real life and how you work best. I've talked about this a

Stop Bending Yourself To Fit

SPEAKER_00 1:05

lot, which is why I'm doing another episode kind of on this kind of stuff. Because it matters. People are still trusting coaches to give them all the answers. They're outsourcing themselves. They're outsourcing all the decisions. They believe that the coach has all the answers. They believe that the coach mentor, whatever, is the only one to tell them what to do and many, many other things. And I want you to remember that your business should fit your life, not the other way round. Your business shouldn't take over your life. I've seen it happen so many times. Think about this. Is something constantly wearing you out? That is something that you shouldn't just push through. It is something that needs changing. Because if you're getting worn out by your business, there is something wrong. And I will say that word wrong. There is something wrong. You should not feel drained by your business. You should feel energized. And you can hear it in my voice. I'm animated. I'm excited. I'm really wanting to talk about this topic because my business excites me. And I want you to remember, you don't have to run your business the same way other people do. Think about that person that says, oh, you know, it's a 5 a.m. club or whatever. Well, guess what? There are so many people out there that getting up at that time is actually unhealthy for them and the way their body runs. You've got a coach that says you've got to follow this framework and your business will succeed. Guess what? You're different to them. Even if you're exactly the same or you think you are, you're not. You're different to them. Their framework, following exactly, can actually be wrong for you. Because not every framework is right. Some parts of it may be, but others not. For me, I built my business in a way that fits my energy, my time, and my life at home. I'm studying now. So my business has changed again. And this is the second night running. I'm actually recording episodes at night because I'm unwell. So I did some work today, I've rested, and now I'm coming back feeling energized. I'm feeling excited because my energy is better. That's how I'm working with my business. Because I still want these podcast episodes to go out. I want the message to go across. And that reminds me, please like, share, subscribe, and comment. I would love for this message to get out there because, quite frankly, I am sick and tired of people throwing thousands of dollars at coaches and mentors that actually do harm. And the coaching industry needs a huge overhaul, which is why I'm speaking up about it. I did a coaching program, NLP program, and honestly, it was a waste of time and money. Or maybe I got a couple things out of it, but nothing at all. I got more out of the diploma of counseling than I ever got out of that program. And

When Coaching Advice Does Harm

SPEAKER_00 4:20

people think coaching is a brand new thing. When I did the coaching program, guess what? It was literally counseling. That's literally what it was. There was so much in there, the words were exactly the same. And I just went, Wow, this is interesting. Because the coaches out there go, oh no, it's totally different. Like it's there are parts that are different, and there's a lot of parts that are not. When you keep forcing yourself into a way of working that does not feel right, it will keep feeling heavy no matter how much you try to push push through it. And I've been there, I've done that, I've pushed through. Like I worked with somebody who is a so-called expert on, you know, small micro businesses, whatever you call it in the world, who said that you know, follow, I won't mention any gender or anything as well, follow that framework and you will be successful. When I actually look back, maybe there's two or three that have been successful. The majority are still in survival mode. How does that work? That is why I'm adamant that your business is meant to work with your life, not replace it. And when you follow someone's framework exactly, guess what? Your business is going to take over because you think you're doing something wrong. You're trying to force yourself in a way of working that doesn't fit you. And when you stop doing that, you're going to start noticing how often you've been doing been doing too much just to keep going. Okay, I'm going to do this this last um, or I'm going to do another round of um interviews with my ideal client to get more information. You honestly don't need to. You've got all the information that you need already. If you've been posting on social media, if you've been creating blogs, podcast episodes, and everything, there is information there for you. You don't need to keep doing rounds and rounds and rounds of avatar interviews because, quite honestly, because that person's getting a free session out of it, they're going to tell you exactly what you want to hear, not what is actually needed. Not what, because they may not actually even know you. So they're not going to tell you your dark their darkest secrets. They're not going to

Framework Pressure And Survival Mode

SPEAKER_00 6:55

say, I'm sitting at home lonely, I'm working on my business, and I feel so alone. They're not going to tell you things like that. And also remember, you don't have to respond to everything straight away. I've already done a podcast episode about this, which I'll link, because it's so important to set boundaries around many things. Remember, you don't have to say yes to everything straight away just to stay on top of everything. You can actually slow your commitments down. And you don't have to say yes to everything either. You don't have to stretch yourself to match what other people expect from you. And that includes the coaches and mentors. You can choose excuse me, you can choose what actually fits what you can hold, not what people tell you you should be doing. Again, your business doesn't need you reacting to everything straight away. I've said it many times: reaction is an emergency response. If someone's following me home, I'm going to react. If an email comes in, it's not an emergency. I will respond. Response means that you're in a space where you're calm, you're clear-headed. You don't want to make decisions from reaction. You want to make decisions from response. Remember, you're allowed to work in a way that doesn't leave you exhausted all the time. You can see me. I'm energized. I'm excited, as I keep saying. That is why my business is beautiful. Is it making me lots of money? Not yet. And that's okay. As I said, I'm studying, which means I only have a certain amount for my business. My business and I have a conversation going all the time. We have this beautiful relationship. It knows that right at the moment is

Boundaries Around Yes And Speed

SPEAKER_00 8:55

not time for expansion. It's time for me just to stay where I am, what I'm doing. And yes, I'm creating a membership. That is happening. Is it going to happen in the next month or so? No. Because I'm not going to push myself through. I am going to take my time with things. And that is why when you stop trying to keep up with everything, you start to notice something else. Things feel less scattered when you're not constantly doing everything at once. Think about that. When you're not trying to do everything at once, how do you actually feel? How do you feel mentally, emotionally, physically? How do you actually feel? How do you feel energetically as well? I want you to think about how you're going to come back to how you actually want to work. Remember, this is your business. Yes, you can hire coaches, mentors, etc. This is your business, and you need to run it your way. Now, I've had coaches and mentors, and some of the things have been fantastic. Others have just been plain wrong for me. I'm talking about me.

Reaction Versus Response Decisions

SPEAKER_00 10:10

I want you to choose a way of working that feels more like you instead of what you think you should be doing, or instead of what the coach told you you should be doing. You don't have to shape yourself around your business. It can be shaped around you. And that's the way it should be. If you're thinking about your business 24-7, I'm going to say this, something is seriously wrong. Your business should not be on your mind 24-7. You shouldn't be forcing yourself into roles that don't fit. And when you stop doing that, you start to feel more like yourself again in your business. It starts to feel like something you're a part of, not something you're stuck inside of. And when you start doing this, you won't be thinking about your business 24-7. Because when this shift happens, you start working against yourself and start building something that actually fits your life. We are not here to work 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 hours a week, no matter whether we've still got a job or not, or whether we're working for ourselves. That is not what we are here to do. We are here to live life. We are here to spend time with family and friends, to do what we want to do, which is why I'm now doing this course because I put it off for so long, making excuses like, oh, you know, I'm way too far away, etc. etc. I'm doing it now, and my business is fitting around that. I want you to remember, business isn't meant to pull you away from yourself, it's meant to fit into your life in a way that actually works. When you stop reshaping yourself to meet every expectation, you start to come back to yourself in your business. Things feel less forced. You stop trying to be everything to everyone, including your business. And it starts to feel like something that belongs in

Slow Growth That Honors Real Life

SPEAKER_00 12:20

your life and not something that actually runs it. Thank you so much for liking, sharing, commenting, and reacting and all the beautiful stuff. I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are in this gorgeous world.