Fear Isn’t the Problem. Misreading It Is {Ep 230}

Fear has a way of showing up at the exact moment you already feel unsure, then it adds one more layer. Urgency. Decide now. Fix it now. Don’t miss out. I’m calling that out for what it is. A pressure that pushes you into reaction and away from your own awareness.

I walk through a practical way to respond to fear while it’s happening, without shutting down and without overriding yourself. I start by questioning urgency, then creating a small pause that interrupts the automatic loop. You don’t need a long ritual or perfect conditions. You need a moment where you consciously don’t react straight away, so clarity has room to come through.

From there, I use a simple nervous system tool that supports clear decision making, which is box breathing (inhale four, hold four, exhale four, hold four, repeated three times). When fear tightens your body and your breathing gets shallow, thinking gets narrow too. Breathing deeper helps you get back to steadiness so you can choose your next move on purpose.

Finally, I shift the inner dialogue with better questions that spark insight instead of panic. “What is this fear trying to show me?” helps you tell the difference between fear that points to expansion and fear that signals contraction or misalignment. The payoff is real self-trust built in small, honest moments, where fear can exist without controlling you. If this helps, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. What’s one decision you’re ready to slow down and respond to today?

Transcript

Welcome And Quick Request

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi everyone, welcome to this episode of Tuesday Talks with Darlene. Before I start, please like, share, subscribe, comment. All that actually helps me to get my message out there to a wider audience. Now, on a recent episode, I actually talked about the difference between good fear and bad fear. And you know, I sort of went into that. Today I want to talk about how fear isn't a problem, misreading it is. And that's why I'm going to link that other episode. That other episode was actually, for a lot of people, was a shift. Just that alone was a shift. Yet knowing the difference and actually working with it in real time are two very different things. Because that fear doesn't show up politely when you're calm and ready, it shows up in the moment when you're already unsure. And today I want to walk you through how to actually respond to fear when it's happening without shutting down or overriding yourself. And the word is

Fear Is Misread Not Dangerous

SPEAKER_00 1:07

respond. As I've said in many episodes, reaction comes from an emergency response. That's where the reaction should happen. Or if you're about to go to bungee jump or something like that, then you're going to have a reaction. You want to be able to respond, though. That fear, whether it's good or bad, often comes with urgency. Like you need to decide right now, or you're going to miss something or make it worse. The urgency is usually the first thing to question, not obey. Unless, as I said, it's an emergency. Then, yeah, I buy it. Run. When you feel rushed in your business, you're far more likely to override your own awareness and fall back into old patterns. Having an awareness is a big thing. Slowing things down even slightly creates space for clarity to come through instead of reaction. When you respond, things are clearer. Before you even try and label the fear, you need to create

Question The Urgency First

SPEAKER_00 2:28

enough space to hear it properly. And that is why you want to create a pause before you respond. You don't need a full ritual or 20 minutes of silence. You just need a moment where you consciously don't react straight away. That is why I talk about the three deep breaths. And for me, it's I call it the method I do is box breathing. Breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four. And you do that three times. That helps calm things down. Because when you're

Pause With Box Breathing

SPEAKER_00 3:05

reacting, your nervous system is in control. And we don't want that at this stage. That's not when we want it. We want that at another time. And when you take those breaths, what you're also doing is you're actually getting oxygen right into the bloodstream, which goes into your brain, which helps you think clearer. Because when the fear comes up, things are shutting down, including your blood vessels. That's why you want to breathe. Open the blood vessels, get more oxygen back so you can think clearly. When you've got fear going, you're breathing shallow, shallow. You're breathing a lot more shallow. Word wouldn't come out for some reason. You're breathing a lot more shallow, which means you're getting limited oxygen. We've got the lungs. At the bottom of the lungs is a blood vessel. Those lungs are filled with alveolar. They need to expand so we can have that oxygen exchange, which is why you do the deep breathing. And when you think about life, how often do you take a deep breath? I can guarantee you, not very often. There is scientific research out there that proves all of this. Go and find it. Now, when you create a pause before you respond, it might look like taking a breath, stepping away from your screen, or simply saying, I'm not deciding yet. That small pause interrupts the automatic response and brings you back into awareness. Now, it's not about avoiding the decision because we need to make decisions. It's about making sure that the decision is actually yours. And once you've created that space, you can start asking better questions. Like ask what the fear is pointing to. Good fear usually points towards expansion, something new, uncomfortable, but aligned. It keeps you on your beautiful path. The bad fear, and go and watch that episode because you know I just I did say good and bad fear. You know, it's just one of those things. It points you towards contraction. Something feels off, heavy, or misaligned underneath the surface. And instead of asking, should I do this? Ask, what is this fear trying to show me? It's the awareness. That question will

Ask Better Questions About Fear

SPEAKER_00 5:36

shift you out of panic and into curiosity, which is where your intuition actually speaks. Our brain loves questions. Instead of an affirmation like, I am wealthy, ask an affirmation, how am I wealthy right now? And I can tell you, your brain is going to come up with a thousand things, maybe not a thousand, but it will come up with a truckload of things. This is where people often trip themselves up. Most people swing between two extremes. They either avoid anything that feels uncomfortable or they push through everything trying to prove something. And neither of those is actually listening. They are both reactions. Responding to fear properly means allowing discomfort without abandoning yourself. It's a middle ground that requires honesty, not performance. You're not an actor. This is your life. How you respond next is what builds or breaks that self-trust. Now, if it's the good fear, the response is usually a step forward, but not a reckless leap. It's not reckless. It's grounded and an aware decision to move anyway. Remember, response helps you be grounded. It helps you make clear decisions. You're more aware. And if it's bad fear,

Middle Ground And Self Trust

SPEAKER_00 7:12

the response is to honor the resistance and adjust, set a boundary, say no, or step back before things escalate. And that can be the last episode I did was um I talked about unwanted advice from family, friends, and something. That is setting a boundary where you actually set a boundary with your family, don't provide advice. And if they do, sometimes you need to step back before things escalate, and that can happen. Every time that you respond in alignment with what you know, even if it's uncomfortable, you strengthen your self-trust. And every time you override it, you weaken it. It's that simple and that honest. And yes, I'm being blunt and direct. I need to. Fear doesn't go away just because you understand it, but your relationship with it changes completely when you stop reacting to it and start working with it. Fear is going to be with us for every single breath of our life. It's going to be there a lot less when we have the awareness and we work with it. The goal isn't to eliminate the fear. We need it. As I said, it's great for emergency situations. The goal is to stop letting it run the show. Stop letting it run the show. Now, when you learn how to respond to fear instead of just reacting to it, everything shifts. Decisions become clearer. You stop second-guessing yourself as much, and you start to feel that steadiness underneath. The ground feels steady. It's like you're on concrete. Even when something is uncertain, fear doesn't disappear. It will never disappear. It is being human. It does stop being the thing that controls you, though. And that's where the self-trust, real self trust, is built over time in those small, honest moments. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with that fear. And you'll be amazed what actually happens. Thank you so much for watching and listening. And I'm wishing you a beautiful day wherever you are in this world.