25: My Body, My Choice: Reproductive Options for Single Moms

Being a single mom comes with unique challenges and decisions, especially when it comes to reproductive health and family planning. In this episode, Aieshya and Kweilynn have an open, judgment-free conversation about the reproductive options available to single mothers, empowering women to make informed decisions that align with their goals, values, health, and circumstances.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, and welcome back to Single Mom Honey, the podcast dedicated to single moms with a focus on health, money, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Yep. I'm Quay and I cover the health.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

I'm Aisha and I cover the money. So, Quay, today we are talking about something that we have mentioned in many episodes here on Single Mom Honey. And that's about my body, my choice. Or, like you say, IUD to what? Psych ain't gonna shoot up the club.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

No, you can shoot up the club, but the IUD gonna shoot back.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

That's why I said they don't shoot up the club.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

That was that club.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

So being a single mom comes with so many unique challenges, you know, and decisions. But especially when it comes to reproductive health, you know, and family planning, trying to make the decision if you are done or if you want more. So today we're gonna have a judgment-free conversation like we always have here at Single Mama Honey. We see you because we are you, so it ain't nothing for us to say about you without saying about ourselves. As we go ahead and continue to empower women and single moms and make an informed decision that aligns with your goals, your values, your health, and then also different circumstances. Money is a big one for me, but I digress until we get further into that. So um, we just want to share, first of all, um, some of our personal reflection when it comes to family planning decisions. Um, I have talked to Quay, probably personally, maybe not on the pod, about this, but um prior to divorcing, I always wanted to have four sons. Like, I always wanted four sons. I don't know why when I was in my 20s, I was like, yep, I'm gonna be a mom of four sons.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

And it's you're never do you you know how tall you are?

SPEAKER_00 1:48

That's probably why I wanted four sons.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Yeah, but did you you you know how much they would eat?

SPEAKER_00 1:52

No, I didn't calculate that part.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

I did I definitely did calculate that part. I really probably was thinking more so like they're gonna go to the NBA and take care of their mom and these gonna be some cash cows around here. Who knows? Um, but it kind of did happen. I guess I manifested it in a way. Um, my ex-husband had two sons from his previous marriage, and then we had two sons together, so I am a mom to four sons. So, another part about, you know, family planning, how it looks different after divorce, after separation, after becoming a widow or whatever, um, and just becoming a single parent is that now your time and energy is very limited because you're still looking forward to trying to heal from that situation while parenting and then thinking about investing into another one. So when it comes to the whole family planning situation, I have opted out completely. Um not biologically, because I'm very much still fertile and it's fertile murder. I can have another baby. I'm just not interested in starting a new one, a new family.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Me either. You know, I always think about the fact that I mean, if I could count the amount of times I've been to child support court and custody court um from their father filing to try to get off of support or try to get custody switched with no intention of actually seeing the kids. Like, that is birth control enough for me. I can't even imagine at this point like going into a another relationship with that even being a possibility. And I think a lot of people don't realize, like, oh, some people are always like that would never be me. That would never happen to me. Yeah. Yeah. Until it's you. I've had a lot of people be like, oh yeah, I wouldn't have done it like that if I were you. I wouldn't have done this. I would, you know, and then when it happens, they're like, oh shit. But this is rough.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Oh, I didn't know. You don't know till you know. But when you know you want to have no more kids, when you know you don't want any more, you kind of opt out mentally.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

You have to. You have to protect your sanity in some way. But we don't want to talk about this as if it's all doom and gloom because it's not all doom and gloom. It could be a wonderful situation for somebody who may not have had that experience with their first child's father or their past children's fathers where they felt like they deserved it, and then come around somebody new who could offer that to you. If that's what you want and you go take on the idea of having to parent this child alone, also, then more than more power to you. I think that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

You know what I think about often? It's like, like you were saying earlier, how during your your life when you're parenting, God bless you, um, you don't have the same amount of time that other people have. You know? So like the idea of trying to heal while taking care of other people, while working, while while single momming, while like all of that stuff, like it requires a lot of mental capacity to even plan to do that and plan to have another relationship, like to to like even engage. Like I like I had this dick sign on my forehead that says, do not engage. People look at me the wrong way. Like, or if I'm like, you know, say I'm seeing a guy, they're like, oh yeah, I was thinking about kids. Like, if I had a dick, it would go soft, like immediately. Like, like, you know, so yes, okay, so back to the subject, because I can talk about that all day.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Like, um, that's why we got a podcast to talk about this.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

When it comes to planning for your reproductive health, it's very important to discuss the importance of having access to accurate information. Now, we all have those friends who say, like, oh, I had IUD or I had this, it don't work, don't get that, or try this, or the idea that breastfeeding is somehow birth control.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Um that's debunked or debabied how many times?

SPEAKER_02 6:00

It's debatable. It worked for a little bit for me, but it don't work for everybody. So um the baby. Yeah, yeah, I had another baby, but not for a couple years. So, you know, you know. Um, it's just so important to have accurate information. You want to know what all your options are out there. You know, again, it's not a cookie-cutter approach when it comes to birth control or your reproductive health. You know, that's all up to you. You get to decide your future. And especially as a single mom, you don't want anyone else deciding your future. You know, sometimes, contrary to to b to to belief, right now, you know, there are lots of people who intentionally get women pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Not lots of people, a lot of men.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

A lot of men, my bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Because that's the only people who get it pregnant, right? A lot of men who intentionally infect women with diseases. Uh let's talk about prep real quick. Throw that in there, boy.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Yes, yes, yes, yes. So even if you're talking about reproductive health, it's very important to protect yourself first. So you can do that with PrEP. That is pre-exposure prophylaxis for HIV. It's over 99% effective against the sexual transmission of HIV. But the thing is, it only protects you against HIV. And you're honestly responsible for your house. I'm sorry, responsible for your house and for your health. So, you know, as single moms, we know that sometimes our village and our resources can be limited. So when you have a tool like Prep, you should utilize it because at least you can protect yourself from any unnecessary roughness. We don't need anything else on our plates, you know. Um, and inspect the merchandise. I always say this: inspect the merchandise. If it looks funny, if the fruit is bruised, let it be.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

But your eyes isn't enough. We always say to go ahead and get tested together as a couple of things. Exactly for starting a sexual relationship with a new partner.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Before you start it, not after. After it's too late. Yeah. They don't have the morning after pill for everything. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

There is PEP, though. There is PEPTO. That's post-exposure prophylaxis.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

And you can take that within 72 hours of contact, of sexual contact, and that will help you be prevented from getting HIV as well. Okay. Yeah, so that's another option as well. But again, there's not a one size fits all. There's also doxype. If your partner is having sex with more than one person, it's that'll help you help prevent them from getting chlamydia and syphilis. And like we said before, chlamydia and gonorrhea are best friends. So you don't want to invite them to the party. Um, if you can prevent it, prevent it. And, you know, just remember, every situation is unique. So this is just some simple advice to help keep you safe out there.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Absolutely. And um, if you haven't listened to our past episode about prep, let's talk about it. Quayling goes a little bit more in depth about the different types of medications that can help you when it comes to your sexual health. So listen to it. If you have any questions, make sure to send us an email, singlemomhoney at gmail.com or slide into them DMs positively at Single Mom Honey Official on TikTok, Instagram, as well as Facebook. So let's get into why reproductive planning matters for single moms.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

First of all, I'm gonna hit you with the money. That's all that matters to me, honey, is the financial considerations we're growing a family. Yes, ain't free. You may be able to buy one, get one free by having twins, buy one, get two free when it comes to the deductible out of pocket max and your health insurance, which we'll go into at another time.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

But you could buy one and get two free with triplets. That's what I said. Triplets? You said twins.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

You said I said buy one, get one free with twins, or you buy one, get two free with triplets.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Oh, I thought you said, girl, go on ahead.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

I ain't here with twins.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Get three free triplets.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Right. So, mom, this thing. But you have to, you have to take into consideration the finances that come with having and raising another child. If you're currently struggling right now with the ones that you have, maybe consider getting yourself a little bit more stable before deciding to bring another child into this world. Um, I will also have to say, are you emotionally ready for another child? I used to think that I wanted another kid with my ex-husband. I used to think that I wanted to go for at least three because I had two boys and I just knew my second son was gonna be a girl, so I could have one of each and be completely done. And that didn't work.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Well, you had it all planned out. You tried to plan the kids like your finances.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Yes. I wanted my first to be a boy, and I wanted my second to be a girl.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

And when I got that, you know, no one has ever figured out the correct combination to make that happen on purpose.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

What?

SPEAKER_02 10:47

No one has figured out the correct combination to make that whole sex.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Usually that third child's a different sex, and that worked for you. So, yeah. They said the third child is usually the different sex. Well, you had two girls and then a boy.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Yeah, but my sisters both had a girl then a boy.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Okay, but you had three kids, usually that third child is a different sex.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Now most parents, if they get to that third child and it's still the same gender as the first two, they're like, you die.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

And I came from a family of three girls.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

And then you're and they said done. They said after that third time, that's it. It's not gonna happen. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

My mom said every time a baby came out, she's like, Brian, it's a girl.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Like, I had some childhood friends, it was three daughters. Her father said it, he's like, Yeah, we got the third one, and it came out. Another girl's like, Well, it ain't meant to happen. I'm never gonna have sons. It's whatever. But my aunt had two girls, then she had a boy. Then my other aunt had two boys, then she had a girl. So that third kid is usually a different gender. So I just knew my third child was going to be a girl, but it didn't end up happening. I didn't get pregnant, and now I'm thankful that I did not have an extra mouth to feed. Or extra daycare bill to pay on for my. Yeah. So being able to balance parenting responsibilities is important when it comes to, you know, trying to decide if you wanted to add another child to your family. And also, you gotta think about you. You gotta think about your career and educational goals.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

And this is something that you and I have talked about with the complete, utter taste of disgust in our mouths. Co-parenting with another man. Like adding another family to the mix.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Listen, first of all, the idea and it in no shade, like everybody has, like everyone has a unique situation, but I can't imagine dealing with more than one of the people I already got to deal with. Cause you like that, the ooh, Lord have mercy.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Like I think in situations like Sierra, you know? Yeah. First time, dude. Second time, wow, that is wonderful. You know, and I have no people who their first child's father was trash, their second child's father was a beacon of hope. And even if their relationship didn't work out, that second father still played the role of father to all the children, even the one that wasn't biologically his. So I think that there are situations where those are wonderful and it works in the favor for everybody involved, most importantly, the children. Yeah. But I just do have the fear of thinking like, now I gotta talk to two of them, now I gotta make sure the the custody and visitation schedules coincide so my children can have time with each other here at home with me all together, versus being out for their fathers, and will this father exclude this kid because that's not mine and take them to the birthday parties. I just it sounds crazy.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Can't even imagine. I don't want no parts of that. And then I mean I'm forgetting.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

When his father taking his kids to Disney World, these kids ain't even been to the other side of town because they daddy ain't did nothing. You know, it just it just muddies the waters. But if it works for you, great, wonderful. So we just have to think about things like that when it comes to family planning. I I'm not interested in having any more children because even though I do love my children, I do feel like I need to use the second half of my life to focus on me. I thought that's right. I think that by having a newborn in my 40s.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Absolutely not, because by the time they grow on you, you might be with the Lord.

unknown 14:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Because you're gonna stress yourself out. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Um So help us know how we can make sure this don't happen.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Let's talk about prevention. Prevention of pregnancy. Hmm. Birth control. Hmm. So, as we know, there are so many different types of birth control.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

And that's why I feel like it makes the situation so complicated because you don't know what's best for you. And then you just go raw dog and then I get pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

But it feels even greater when you are protected, when you are prepped and protected.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Right? Because then you could like do it with peace of mind and then possibly actually have an orgasm. Okay, so we have birth control pills. That is, you know, not a one-size-fits-all. We have IUDs. I love me my IUD. IUD to 93 or whatever age, but I'm gonna have an IUD because I won't be. I read this story in the Bible talking about Abraham's wife was 90 and she popped out with a baby. That's wild. Wild as hell. So when I get past 90, then I might consider taking out the IUD. Okay? If I'm doing it till then, I don't know what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Well, how did she go? Well be at your funeral like this. You nasty bitch. You choked on your IUD, or so.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Okay, so then you have the next one on implants like birth control or hormonal implants.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Those ones that go in your arm?

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Yep, like in your arm here.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Why there? Because that's where it's supposed to go. Yes. Um I get mine in my chin. No. That would be you want something on your chin. No, I was just wondering if it's usually. Uh no. No, no, no, no. Um, there are birth control injections such as depo Prevera, but I know y'all been seeing all that, all those uh lawsuits now about depot causing all types of fun things. I took depot in the past. Like what? Like, um, I think brain um like tumors, like meningiomas, and I can't remember the other things, but like people are having a lot of issues from um being on depot.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Remember the girls who were having sex on your middle school and stuff, they were on a depot shot. They blew up. That's when you knew who was on the shot because they got fat out of nowhere. Like, how is she so teeny tiny? And also hormonal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

But that's when the boys like, oh, she fucking. Look how big she is. She wasn't that big a couple years ago. I'm about to go fuck her. Nate to run trains and girl, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

There's always condoms. And condoms are effective, but they don't prevent everything. They break, they come off, they irritate you. Irritate you. Sometimes people don't put them on right. Sometimes people have holes in them, some people saw sabotage them, you know. Sometimes guys be getting the wrong size. Sir, sir.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Little sir. Minimus. Sir Minimus. Okay. Looking like a trash bag. No.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Okay. And then we have like fertility uh awareness methods. Maybe they have the pool and pray method. I don't suggest that.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Um that worked for me. That worked for me. I have not been on birth control since my early 20s. And during my marriage, each of my pregnancies were intentional. They were planned. And when I didn't want to get pregnant, the pull-out worked. But that's the only thing.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Listen, the pull-out game doesn't work for everybody. So everybody's pullout game ain't the same. And then, you know, you can get your tubes tied. You can get them burnt. You can get them, yeah, cut, snipped, flipped.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

But I have heard of people saying, The reversal is not easy when it comes to that, right?

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Not for women, but it's it's easier for men. Yeah, like women be going to get their tubes tied. You better tell that man to go get them slipped. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

So that's all invasive for us.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

So a lot of people, like, when they get on birth control, there are like several reasons why they get on birth control. So um, besides preventing pregnancy, sometimes women use birth control for painful periods, heavy bleeding, um, endometriosis, PCOS, yeah, uh, acne, irregular cycles, prevention of anemia, and generally for family planning. And again, it doesn't mean that you don't want children ever, but maybe right now, as a single mom, you don't. Maybe you don't want to have any more kids until you're in another stable relationship or whatever you consider stable, or just until you're all the way ready.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

Um, that means if you're on birth control or engage in family planning, you get to decide if, when, and how many potential other mouths you would like to feed, or other blessings you want to have in your life.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

So, how do you navigate this conversation with your provider of which one since there are so many different options?

SPEAKER_02 19:32

So typically you can talk to your PCP or you can talk to your Obi Gyani. Um, I think about the conversation, like talking about like if I was to pull up to Starbucks or some coffee shop and be like, hey, what options do you have? What would I like to drink today? Because again, like I was saying, you need to know all of your options and you need to know them accurately. Um, everybody has a preference. Do you like to take pills? Okay, cool. Do you remember to take your pills every day?

SPEAKER_00 19:58

For the most part.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

For the most part. So when you think about taking birth birth control pills for the most part, you need to take them every day for them to be effective. It can't be for the most part. That's how you fuck around and find out.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

Yep. Okay? I totally agree. I totally agree. I was horrible taking my birth control pills when I was on them.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

I'm like, Yeah. And what works for one person doesn't work for everybody else. So let's talk about condoms first. Condoms is like just a your doctor will probably talk to you about, or your provider will talk to you about uh condoms as an option. If you are like, I don't want to use anything hormonal. You need to know how to put them on, how to use them effectively, which ones um your body actually likes.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Yeah, I remember some girls have used what lamb skin or sheep skin condoms because it's all different types. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah, but you got some things are irritating as well, as we all know.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

And you could develop an irritation, like after you're like, I've been having trouble with latex before, now all of a sudden I'm feeling red and irritated down there. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

Absolutely. So um, it's just a barrier that prevents the sperm from reaching the egg, and that's what we don't want to have in. Um, and with typical use, condoms are like 87% effective. Yeah, because I mean, think about them. I mean, you have a real exciting night. I I've had times where it was like, where did the condom go? The condom could end up inside you.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Yes. I've had a couple of those.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

But um, the pros of that would be there's no prescription needed for condoms. Um, it protects against some STIs. Some STIs don't even require um, they only require skin skin contact and no like penetration. They're easy to obtain. You can get condoms from free, for free, like from different um resources around your community. And then again, condoms themselves are hormone free. So, um, like I said before, the cons will be they can break, they must be used correctly every time. And then some people don't like the feel. It doesn't matter if you start with a condom and don't end up with one.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Thank you. Thank you for throwing. That in there.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

We have one, but then we took it off and it's all I got pregnant. We'll say this though. Regular condom use does reduce the risk of STIs. Yes. Right? Um, when a baby spot the baby all the time. Yes. Like anything else, like an IUD, the pill, or an implant, it's only protecting against babies. All those STDs come for free. Yeah. Okay? STIs, I should say. All right. So let's talk about birth control pills. Now, I am a great provider. I always say a horrible patient. I can't take pills every day. I, you know, I know that for me, I need to take my Prozac every day. And then when I start getting feeling anxious, sometimes I'll be like, oh shoot, I forgot to take it. Like, you know what I mean? But with birth control, you don't want to play around with that. Like, you skip pills, you increase your risk of getting pregnant. You know what I mean? The pros of birth control, I would say that it's like about 93% effective with regular use. Yeah, because I mean, everybody's human. You gotta remember that human factor. Um, you gotta remember to take them daily. Some medications interfere with birth control, making it less effective.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

Uh-huh. I know people a lot of people got pregnant because they were on antibiotics and their birth control, and the antibiotics just canceled out the birth patrol, and then it's like, yeah, this is my antibiotic baby.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

And then again, like I said before, missing pills increases your risk for pregnancy. Um, if you lose your phone every day, forget your coffee twice a week. If you can't remember where you parked your car when you come out to the parking lot, pills may not be for you. Okay. If you lose your car keys every day, look, I got a whole device that I can wring my keys from my phone. That's why I know pills are not for me. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

My daughter got it for me one Christmas, and I was like, how good? And then I was like, this is the best gift ever. But they won't have ones for birth control pills. Okay. It alerts me too to my phone. Like, you left your keys behind. Or you left your phone behind. You know, whatever. Now let's talk about the birth control patch. I tried that in the past. Did you ever try the patch? I did that.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

I did the ring. I never did the patch. I did the ring.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Okay, I tried the ring too. So the patch is worn on the skin. You gotta change it weekly. Again, the patch is about 93% effective. Again, it may be better for some people because it's only once a week. That would be crazy for me.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

Now, and you were single with no kids.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

Yes. Well, I put that real.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

You were fucking in there.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Exactly. It fell off in the shower, and I didn't even see it. Oh, what? So, you know, it's easy to use like a sticker. But, you know, I will say this.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

That's the thing though, I feel like it was on lawsuits.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

They got lawsuits for all of them.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Oh, okay. I'm almost like even like the Nuva Ring, like that thing popped out a couple times for me.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

And then I feel like it would give me more cramps too.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Right up against my cervix.

SPEAKER_02 24:53

Yeah, crazy. And then imagine putting it in yourself and like not knowing where your where your cervix is.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 24:59

Like if you put it up in there and you just put it in the wrong place or put it like, I mean, it's supposed to go in and just pop and be in there. But I mean, I can only imagine if you don't know your anatomy and you can't.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Oh, okay. I was about to say you like you know people who had it and wanted putting it in the right way.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

I was like, I mean, it's human error. No, no, no, no, no. The new ring you put in by yourself.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

I know, but they show you in the doctors how to put it in before you get prescribed it.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Do you feel like that's a f if somebody's trained you one time for you, not for everybody?

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

And if I didn't understand, I'm like, wait, hold up.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

So Yeah, everybody doesn't do that because you think you gotta think about it. People a lot of people don't ask a lot of questions at the doctor's office. Some people aren't common, uh like they don't they don't have the confidence to advocate for themselves in a same way. Right. Um, so I will say this. It did cause me skin irritation, and that's one of the side effects. Um, so if you got sensitive skin, may not be for you.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

With the patch, or we talk about the rain.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

The patch, right now.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

And then it wasn't as effective for people with a higher body weight.

SPEAKER_00 26:03

Mmm. So the patch or the ring?

SPEAKER_02 26:06

We're still in the patch. Okay. Girl, I don't know. We switched it. Okay. So it's basically the patch is basically the cousin of the nicotine patch. Yeah, so you know, it works for some people, some people it doesn't. Now, the Nuva Ring, the vaginal ring, what is it? It's a flexible ring. That's what we're talking about. You insert into the vagina, and it's usually changed monthly. Again, that is about 93% effective. Um, it's a low dose hormone. Um, it's only requires monthly maintenance, which is, hey, less than every week. Ha ha ha. Maybe you'll remember to do that. But what if you just forgot about it? What happens? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

I had a reminder in my phone.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

You must remember for it to be effective, you must remember the replacement schedule. And if you do something once a month, how often do you remember it?

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Put it in your phone and remind yourself.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

Okay. I mean, these are all good ways to remember, but I'm just saying, like, being a single mom, you have so many things on your plate. Putting things, reminders in your phone, I do that like every day. I have to remind myself for meetings and all that. And you could add that to your phone if that's something that'll work for you. So the next option would be a depot provera shot and injection. I had that, and I swear to goodness, I was on my period for like three months straight. Uh-huh. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So depot was not a good fit for me. Um, it has about it's an injection you get every three months. Um, the effectiveness rate is about 96%. You only got to get it four times a year, so like quarterly. And it can also stop your periods. Or like the initial, I think your periods stop after a while, but initially it throws your periods out of whack. My God. Yeah, so literally I was just bleeding, bleeding, bleeding, and not light bleeding. Yeah. So the cons of the uh depot shot would be possible weight gain, um, delayed return to fertility. So if you stop it, you're gonna have to wait a while to be able to get pregnant again. Um, and then there were bone density concerns with long-time use. And now there are other concerns with um brain growth and all types of other things. So, you know, you gotta really weigh your options, you know, and see what fits, you know, for your body. So um again, a shot every three months is probably great for someone who's like, I only can do so much. Please don't make me remember one more thing to do.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

You know, um, and you can set a reminder on your phone every quarter to go get your depot shot. But you don't want to be late because then only God knows what happens. And you don't want to have to start that cycle over again where your period's irregular and you're just bleeding. Yeah, not a good look. Um, next we have the Nexponon implant. That was the implant I was telling you that you would get up in your arm right here. Um, so it's a small rod inserted into your upper arm. Um, it lasts up to three years and it's more than 99% effective. Okay. I like those numbers, you know.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Does that stop your period or you still have a period?

SPEAKER_02 29:00

So I think it's different for uh most people. For from what I understand and from the patients I've seen, they've had like irregular periods. Like they don't know when their period is going to come. Um, so it's irregular bleeding. You could be at an all-white party. He was just that one. Hello. And boom. Yeah. But you are just all white, but you you got a written white. You know, that would be a lot. And it requires insertion and removal. So, like, I went to a class to learn how to do those. And you have to make an incision and insert it into the correct tissue in the skin and then suture it back. And yeah. So, yeah, you know, but you would have to get that taken out and reinserted every three years.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

I mean, um when I think about it, it's kind of like putting your birth control on cruise control for about three years, but then you know, you gotta go get re-upped. So that may be a good fit for you. Um my personal favorite, U D to 93. All right. So it's a small device that is intrauterine device.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Okay. So it's a small device placed in the uterus. Um, there are hormonal and non-hormonal options for it, right? Um, it is more than 99% effective. And I'm telling you, it is affected because wait.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

What's the difference between the hormonal and non-hormonal? Okay. Okay. You said put you on nasty enough. Hell yeah. I'm like, huh?

SPEAKER_02 30:37

All right. So, like I said, it's more than 99% effective. Um, they last from three years to 10 years, depending on the type of IUD you get. Um, I have the marina, and that lasts for seven years. The first one I got lasts for five years, and then they upped it to seven. And I'm about to get a new one next year. I'm so thankful for them things. Lord. That little that little T that they shot in there, like a okay. Do you feel it? Um, do I feel it right now?

SPEAKER_00 31:05

No, do you feel it like when they put it in there? When they implant it. Yeah. It hurts?

SPEAKER_02 31:09

It's not. Like, I don't think it hurts. I think it could be uncomfortable for someone who um hasn't gone through natural childbirth.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

No, Lord, that's me.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

But listen, listen though, they do give you like um like a little numbing injection, like, you know, before they put it in. Um like my my oldest daughter, she's getting ready to go to college. She has an IUD. When she first got it, she hasn't had any kids. It was uncomfortable. She was experiencing like period like cramping. The IUDs are the pros for them, okay? They're long-lasting, extremely effective. Um, extremely, extremely effective. Um, minimal maintenance. I haven't had to do anything with mine. Um, and some reduce or eliminate periods. And I will say, I don't have my period anymore.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

And but you used to when you first started?

SPEAKER_02 32:01

When I first started, I had my period for like during the first like year and a half, and then I didn't.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Were you nervous once it stopped?

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Um, maybe a few times. Like you get period-like symptoms, but with no period, like you know, breast, nipple, tenderness, and all those are the same symptoms you get when you're pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

Okay, so let's ask you this, being a provider.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

So you don't shed anymore?

SPEAKER_02 32:23

What? Like a uterine lining?

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

So if I was to, it'd be so, so very light. Very, very light. So there are hormonal um IUDs, and those include the Morena, Lileta, Kylina, and Skyla. Um, these can make your periods lighter or disappear completely. Um an example of a non-hormonal IUD would be the perigard. No hormones at all for those, and those can last up for 10 years, last up to two 10 years or more. Um, but those may increase menstrual bleeding. No, thank you, ma'am.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Thank you, ma'am.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Some people just don't want, you know, hormones. So, um, but from what I understand, the um perigard, it causes like increased bleeding and sometimes like increased cramping in women. Well, I want to double down on what no. Now, I want to share this fact, right? The most effective reversible birth controls would include the IUD and the implants.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:27

Okay. Um, both are more than 99% effective because they remove uh the human factor, forgetfulness. And I feel like as single moms, we get forgetful because we have so many things on our plate. Um and let's see here. There's emergency contraceptive. That's like your plan B one step or Ella. Um just remember that plan B itself is not an abortion pill. So, you know, most people. Huh?

SPEAKER_00 33:57

I said, please, I've heard some horror stories. Oh, I just get the day after pill, day after pill. Why would you keep doing that? Stop.

SPEAKER_03 34:05

Yeah, just get get yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

And then that doesn't work for everybody. Like you gotta be on like 170 pounds or something like that for that to work for you. It decreases immediately after you get up there a certain weight. Like, girl, it ain't gonna be going for you. Tell Junior Plan B, how you doing?

SPEAKER_02 34:23

Yes. Um, and then you know, there are lots of myths about birth control that like that say that birth control causes infertility.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

Well, I've never heard that before. If anything, I've heard it increases fertility because I feel like once you get off it, you're like fertile freaking myrtle. Cause now your hormone, like, be back, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

Another myth is that you need to take a break from birth control. Um, for most healthy women, there is no medical requirement to take a break. Yeah. There's another myth that says IUDs are only for women who have had children. You remember how I was um telling you before, you said, is it painful to get in? Anyone can get them, you know, but um it may be a little bit your cervix hasn't been dilated before, so it might be a little bit, you know, tighter. You know?

SPEAKER_00 35:12

My cervix like this.

SPEAKER_02 35:13

Damn. Well, well, maybe it opened a little bit back in the day. And you just had to get this okay, fine. All right, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

I didn't dilate with either one of my pregnancies, neither one of them. Um, so we went over all the effectiveness rates as well as the benefits and the side effects when it comes to each one of those birth controls. So hopefully you can find something that works for you, um, or be able to feel more comfortable speaking to your provider about the options that are out there for you outside of just the pull all game or commons, which is actually giving too much power to somebody else when it comes to your future.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Exactly. That's a cool at-mm.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Yup, yep.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

So if you I'm sorry, and I'm I was just gonna say, just remember, like, you really have to find the method that works best for you, your best friend's type of person.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Not just your relationship, not your partner. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

Not your not your best friends, not your sisters, not your homegirls. Like, you gotta find what works for you.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

Yes, because everybody is different. You said it's not cookie cutter, I say it's not your coochie is not cookie cutter either. You gotta make sure you find the coochie option for you. Um, so how about this? For the ones who are listening who are looking to grow their family, there are options for you as well. We just went through the ones who's like, uh-uh, stop right there. I'm not gonna hold you because you're not planting anything into my service. But if you are looking to grow your family as a single mom, there are different ways for you to do that as well. First one, natural conception. You know, you are dating and you are you're you're talking to this partner, or you're you're engaged, or you just remarried after divorce and you guys are looking to plan a family, go ahead and get on that future family planning. You know, you definitely want to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to reproductive goals. Because if you are saying, I have another kid, and he's like, I don't really think I want another kid, or you don't even know if he already got fixed in his last marriage or after his last marriage. So now you just I can't get pregnant, I don't know why. So just hopefully, if you're planning on having a baby with somebody, y'all know each other well enough to be able to discuss those things.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

Exactly. But you know, more importantly, take control of your life. Like, yeah, like you know, ultimately, as a single mom, we are in control of our destinies, our futures, and how that's going to impact our other children that we already have. So, you know, birth control is another way to take control, you know. Nobody else needs to make that decision for you.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

Absolutely. So, um, if you may have had some hiccups when it comes to natural perception, uh fertility treatments are available. A lot of health insurance now cover IBF with in vitro fertilization, and I never heard of this one quite intrauterine insemination IUI. What is that?

SPEAKER_02 38:10

Probably just what it says.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

They probably insert something directly into your okay, versus IBF. They already made the baby and they implanted into your service. Okay, and then egg freezing. So I have been hearing that more and more women are freezing their eggs in their 30s and like late 20s, 30s, early 40s, because they have not met a partner. Um, but they believe have you seen the dating poll? No, I have not. I've been blocking it out purposely. Okay, but I mean, it's just it's so open now. Before that was some hush, hush, don't talk about my bears. But now with social media, people are like, look, y'all froze my eggs. I'm 36. I have not met anybody yet, but I want to freeze my eggs. I don't want to wait until I'm 45 and I meet somebody and then we're having a hard time to conceive. I want to make sure I have my eggs while they're still healthy and I have a a good amount of them and go ahead and do that. So those are that's another option as well for a lot of women who are working on, you know, their careers, or they just are taking their time and take your time. Absolutely you want to reproduce with. Don't be so quick to do it because you're like, oh, I'm getting older. I need to go ahead and find somebody. Girl, the drama that you are signing yourself up for, be smart. Crazy. Crazy. Go ahead and freeze those eggs if you have that option. Um donor options. You want to be a single mom. Again, you know, like you are like, I'm okay, I can raise this baby myself. Sperm donation, you know? You can go with a known donor or an anonymous donor. Um, my cousin just told me that one of her good friends' sister went through a sperm donation and she just had her first child at 43 years old. Um, the only thing is she has not disclosed it to everybody in her family. Like, they believe that it's some guy that she was dating, that it didn't work out because she was embarrassed to be honest and tell everybody that it was from a sperm donation, so only like her immediate family know that it was that. And I get it, you don't want everybody in the business. And then she doesn't owe anybody to tell me. Exactly. People are like, When we gonna meet this guy, when we gonna come around, why he here at the baby shower or something? So it was like a whole big thing, I remember. And they were trying to like cover it up or this, that, another. Oh, that's just too much. And if they did know it, what was the media difference? Okay, they go stalk his Facebook profile. Girl, make the decisions best for you. Don't give a damn about what anybody else has to say. Guess what? If you're married to him, if he just a hookup, if he's a ten-year relationship boyfriend, if he a family friend, it don't matter. We all can end up here on single mom honey. So make the decision best for you. All right. Absolutely. And lastly, adoption and foster care. Girl, this is near and dear to my heart. I have never been in foster care, I have no experience or knowing anyone who has gone through the adoption thing. I don't know. I just feel like I just got so much love to give that I have actually been thinking about going into becoming a foster parent. Um, because it's just a pathway to give people and children an opportunity to know what it feels to be in a stable environment. And then when you hear the horror stories of the people who do sound to be foster parents how to do themselves.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

I've heard the horror stories and I've seen some of them, and uh not an option for me right now, but you know, I'm very thankful for the people who have the strength and courage to do so. Like we can't with three kids right now, and we're going to college, I can't even fathom the idea because I don't have the mental capacity, and you have to have the mental capacity to go on another kid. You can't be able to love them like you love your own. And yeah. Then like don't you don't want to put the kid through something else. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 41:54

Yeah, I totally agree. It's just that unfortunately the people who do sign up for it could care less about that shit. Where is my check being deposited? You know, they can care less about those children. You were just a paycheck. But there are benefits to it, but there are also challenges, as Quay Lynn mentioned, that you have to be cognizant of when you're making a decision that can be somebody for generations and generations to come. So adoption in foster care is also an option.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Yeah. Welcome to Quay's Health Corner. Quay's Health Corner.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

No.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

No, no, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 42:30

You don't let me You are the singer. You are the singer. We all know this, but I'm the jingle queen.

SPEAKER_02 42:36

Go ahead, jingle.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

It's too late, I already did it.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

Anyway. So let's just remember that when we're thinking about reproductive health, we mean your whole health. So making sure that you are up to date on the on your annual wellness visits, make sure that you're getting tested every three months and as needed for STIs um and other prevention methods. Make sure you're getting your paths for cervical cancer screenings. Um, and then if you have questions, you can always ask Quay or you can ask your healthcare provider. You know, don't don't just wonder when the the answers are right in front of you. Don't take risks when it comes to your health. And if you have any questions about prep, you know we got you here at Single Mom Honey. Um, let me ask you this and ask our listeners. Do you think it's selfish to want another child when you're a single mom?

SPEAKER_00 43:32

No. If you have the capacity, which I feel like is a keyword for this episode, if you have the capacity, be it physical, mental, emotional, financial, to take care of another child, that absolutely just don't make these decisions based on somebody else being there to help you. Because we're living examples of what could happen when the father chooses to be active or not, but you don't have a choice. So that's when I feel like you're you're selfish if you're bringing a child into a mess-up situation and you're not thinking about the future. That's selfish. But having another child, no, that's your right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 44:08

Because we all know that children don't keep people around.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Absolutely, not at all.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

And new ones don't make a mistake.

SPEAKER_00 44:18

Absolutely. Yeah. So just think about, you know, everything that we've gone through today. You know, this is something that I feel like is not an easy decision to make. Um, I feel like when you don't really put true thought into making this, then it can make a chaotic situation even more disastrous. So there is power in making informed decisions. You know, that's why Quayland went ahead and broke down every single type of birth control option available to us here as women. And also then make sure that you find the one that is cookie cutter for your coochie.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

You're right, cookie cutter for your coochie cutter. For your coochie-cutter, cookie. For your coochie cutter, cookie. Well, yeah. Tug twister. Okay, I weren't going that way. I got a tug twister for you, sir. Yeah, we got cookie cutter, coochie, cookie.

SPEAKER_02 45:09

So just make sure you prioritize your health and wellness. And that is all of you. All of you. You know, seek help when you need it, professional advice when you need it, especially regarding your health. Um, and give yourself grace and the permission to choose the path that is right for you. And stop giving a fuck about what everybody else got to say.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 45:29

We are not walking in your shoes. Everybody's gonna tell, got some advice for a single mom, but ain't been walking not even a foot, let alone a mile in your shoes.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

So I think we should start a quay, quays up corner. That way, go ahead and submit any questions that you may have and you would like to ask Quay when it comes to reproductive health and families planning, or if you have some questions about prep, go ahead and send us an email, single momhoney at gmail.com, and we will be able to read it on our next episode, no matter what the topic is about. Whatever questions we get are sent there for Quay concerning your health. We will always, always one line. So we hope to hear from you guys soon.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

Right, you bring the tea, and we got the honey.

SPEAKER_03 46:14

Next time, bye.