Provision & Protection: Money and Muscles

What does it really mean to provide? And what does it truly mean to protect?

For generations, we've been told that a man's role is simple: provide and protect. But have we reduced those words to nothing more than money and muscles? In this Season 2 premiere of Cocoa and the Culture, Cocoa challenges the traditional narrative and explores a deeper understanding of provision and protection—one that goes far beyond paychecks and physical strength.

Together, we'll unpack the importance of emotional safety, psychological security, spiritual support, and the kind of provision that nourishes the heart as much as the home. True provision isn't just about what you put into someone's hands—it's about what you pour into their spirit. And real protection isn't just keeping someone from harm—it's creating a space where they feel safe enough to be fully themselves

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Coco and the culture. Well our stories breathe. Love in every moment. Truth in what we see. Coco and the culture. Judge in every word. This is what we got. This is where we heard.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Welcome to Coco and I'm going to go. Alrighty. Relax. Relax. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Coco and the Culture, where humanity, kindness, and the black experience take center stage. I am your host, Coco. Good to the life. The L's time is still sweating me. Alright. Okay, relax. What's up? Yo, it's been a long time. Hey, I shouldn't have left you. I know, guys. I know, I know, I know. I've been gone for a minute. But it was necessary. I definitely needed that time away, you know. Um, I ain't gonna hold y'all. At first, I thought maybe I was only gonna be gone for a few weeks, and then next thing you know, it turned into a few months. But listen, make no mistake. I've been in deep thought and really, really thinking about all the things I wanted to bring back to the pot. And I can officially say I'm bizack. Guess who's bizack? Guess who's bizarre? Alright. Listen, calm down. Calm down. Ooh, they be sweating me. If I'm keeping it a buck, I really didn't know when I was gonna be back, but I knew that eventually something was gonna force me back to the microphone. And the events of the past few weeks definitely brought me right back here. All right, y'all. Listen. You know, I like to try to get the heavy stuff out the way first. Let's go ahead and get the heavy stuff out of the way. Nolan Wells. You know, a few months ago I had a conversation with someone about dating and race. And, you know, he was telling me that he frequently dated outside of his race. And I appreciated his honesty and transparency because you know a lot of times people be fronting. They be like, oh my gosh, because I only date black queens. You know, I only date goddesses. Cut it out. Cut it out. You you definitely got a Becky in your repertoire. Cut it out. So I appreciated him being honest and saying that, you know, listen, he didn't think that dating outside of his race was a big deal. He said that he don't judge people by their skin color. Uh, he said he liked who he liked. And I was like, oh, that's what's up. I love that for you. You know, and I know that that sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but deadass, I really love that for him. I told him that I love that his experiences with white people have allowed him to move forward in a way that he could trust their intentions enough to date them and be in relationships with them and lay down in the dark with them. Shout out to him. But how I myself, however, have not had those experiences. Um, my experiences with people who are not black and brown does not allow me that same flexibility. Um you know, with all the stuff going on with Nolan Wells, I someone referenced a quote that I thought was like the most perfect way to sum it up. In one of Muhammad Ali interviews, he said, What if there were a thousand rattlesnakes outside your door? And maybe a hundred of them wouldn't bite you. They didn't even mean you no harm, but they all look just alike. Now, so that means you couldn't tell the mean ones from the nice ones. What what should you do? Should you open the door and hope that a hundred the 100 snakes that won't harm you are gonna come together and form a shield to protect you from the other 900 snakes that wanna harm you? Or should you just close the door and stay safe? So it's clear to me that Nolan Wells have had experiences with people whom he did not consider to be snakes. And on July 4th, it wasn't the first time that he had gone out on a boat with those same individuals. You know, he believed that he was safe, and it is clear to all of us that he was not, and now his family and his friends are grieving at this 18-year-old black boy who never even got the opportunity to be a man. You know, they just robbed his parents of so much, they robbed his friends and family of so much, they robbed the community of so much. I mean, okay, so older black people we we could say that we recognize Nolan's mistakes and you know, we would never do what he did. You know, how many people's down in the comments being like, well, that's what they get because I don't know why that black boy thought that he could go out on a on a boat with all them white people. What he doing on a boat anyway? You know, we historically don't have a good experience with being black and being on boats with white people, and I hear all that, and and listen, we know that two things can be true. But what I will say is uh I've been in spaces many times where I was the only black person in that space. And even though my spidey senses kind of recognized it, I never felt unsafe. You know, we as black people will be the only black person in the white space and we'll be like, I wish, I wish one of them, I wish they would. I wish one of them would. But we say that because we never really feel unsafe in those situations. And when Nolan got on that boat, he didn't feel unsafe with them. Those were his friends, so he thought. And he didn't feel unsafe. He thought that he was surrounded by good snakes, but the reality of the situation is they were still snakes nonetheless, and now he paid the price of his life to learn that very costly lesson. I ain't gonna hold y'all, I ain't been good. Like, I'm not good. You know, I I've I've become one of these people that are like obsessed with the case. Like, somebody gotta tell me something. I need to know something, you know. Um and my heart just aches for like an entire population of people that are grieving this board that we didn't even know. You know, carrying a heavy weight of sadness because once again, we're just reminded that we are undervalued and that our lives don't mean as much as the lives of other people, and that sucks. You know, um my heart aches for him the same way it did for Trayvon Martin and Mike Brown and Sandra Bland and Philando Castile and too many others to name. You know, the weight of it is just real heavy. But I do want y'all to remember that we will get past this together. We don't have a choice. You know, it's important that we lean on each other and talk to each other and be there for each other as we've always been, because if we don't, who will? Who else is gonna do it if we don't do it? We all we got. You know, if we don't take this opportunity to not beat down his parents about, well, why you let that boy go on that boat? This ain't that. Like we as a community have to not point out these things that I'm sure they these parents are gonna be thinking about till infinity and beyond. We just kind of gotta surround that family and the people that loved him with more love because we always take the high road because that's what black people do. And so I'm glad I got it out of the way. I'm glad we kind of talked about it so that we can move forward. So I want y'all to go ahead and uh light that incense, pick that afro, take a deep breath and settle in because it's time for our moment in blackness.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

Today's moment in blackness.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Oh, can't take y'all nowhere. So, for today's moment in blackness, we are honoring one of the most extraordinary women in American history, Harriet Tubman. Now, there's a very specific reason why we're talking about Harriet Tubman, and we're gonna get more into that later. But everybody who can hear my voice knows who Harriet Tubman is. She's one of the few handful of people that they ever talk about during Black History Month, right? They forever talking about some Harriet Tubman. And, you know, they called her the Moses of her people, and you know, she helped uh people who escaped slavery. Um how do I want to phrase this? Let's take it back a little bit, okay? Let let's really talk about what she did and the weight of what she did and how that speaks to who we are. I ain't no Harriet Tumman. I ain't gonna hold y'all. Like, I'm gonna keep it a buck. If I got this is why she's so extraordinary, because if I escape something as horrific as slavery, I'm not coming back. Like, uh, I'm gonna keep it a buck. I'm dead ass. I'm not coming back, bro. Like the horrific, horrible things that were happening. And you think I'm coming back? Well, hence why she's so extraordinary, right? She escaped slavery and then made the decision to keep going back. Not once, not twice. Yo, they said that Harriet Tubman went back around 30 times, yo. 30 times, and that she led dozens of enslaved men, women, children to freedom through the Underground Railroad. I want y'all to just think, just really think about that for a second. Yo, if it were me, if it were me though, nah, son. When I run, I I just gotta keep running. You know, she literally secured her whole her own freedom and she could have just did what I would have did, just disappeared into the night, into a quiet life. But Shorty chose to risk everything so that someone else could experience the same freedom that she found. And I'm not trying to say that I don't sometimes have a Harriet Tubman like spirit in other things, but not in this though. And you know, she's dope for a million reasons, but it wasn't just about her being brave, it was the preparation of it all. Like she studied the land, she learned the stars so that she could navigate at night, you know. She built trusted networks and safe houses, she made allies, she carried food, supplies, and listen, hope, yo. She carried a hope that allowed her to keep doing this over and over again. Every single trip, she wasn't just brazen. This wasn't a django situation. She wasn't just like, and I'm going back and I'm getting more. No, for every trip, she planned, she was patient, you know, she really, really used her wisdom. And she had like an this incredible ability to just remain calm under these unimaginable pressures. Because the way I would be pissing myself all the time, like I can't do it. And every single time that she went back, she never once lost a passenger, she never once failed on one of her rescue missions. You talk about a hundred percent success. And then to top it off, so now you escape slavery, you come back 30 times, you you bring a bunch of dozens and dozens of other people to escape slavery, and you still don't sit down and you still don't be like, you know what, I'm good. Nope, not Harriet, because Harriet said, I'ma go, I'm gonna go ahead and be a nurse during the Civil War. And then said, and then I'm gonna be a spy, bro. What? Became the first woman to lead an armed military expedition in the United States. Like, what? Helping free 700 more people, and then even after the war, she still wasn't like, Yeah, I'm good. I'm gonna just take this uh 401k and retire. No, she still went back and continued to like advocate for women's suffrage and care for elderly people in her community. Like, this was really her life mission. She really was born and got breath to be great and do all these amazing things. And you know, when we think about her, we can't just think about courage. We gotta think about what it means to make people feel safe. Imagine the fear of stepping out into the unknown. We act like that when we're changing careers, right? We act like that when we're relocating, we're so afraid. Imagine the fear of stepping out into the unknown, leaving everything you've known behind, and then trusting one person to lead you to freedom. You know, like one person to make you feel so safe that you trust them with your freedom. That that's insane to me. You know, that's leadership on a new level, that's coverage on a new level, that's love on a new level. And yeah, thank you, Harry, for all that you did. Thank you for all your sacrifices. And we will just use that as a way to transition into our back in rotation. Um, I thought about this a lot, right? Um, you know, I wanted something to be back into rotation that you know, every week we pull a song out of the crate, and it has to go along with the theme. And then this week there was only one song that immediately came to mind. For all y'all who may not know this, get your song game up. But for those who are black and brown, this is like literally one of our theme songs. So shout out to Sounds of Blackness. This is optimistic. The blackness. So, all right now. Y'all know what time it is, right? I'm gonna need y'all to go ahead and stretch. It's been a while. Let me stretch out. Let me let me stretch out my back, cause you already know. Y'all ready? Okay. Still doing the most, still doing the most. So, today's episode came out of a conversation that I had um regarding uh uh safety and protection. The interesting thing is I'd had this conversation maybe two weeks ago, and then when I went to Bible study last week, we ended up getting on the same topic based on what was being talked about in Bible study. So I said, okay, this just confirmed because I knew I was gonna talk about this in one of the upcoming episodes, um, but it made me want to talk about it in this episode after the additional conversation that we had in Bible study. So I go to Bible study every Wednesday. I've been in the same virtual Bible study since 2020. And it's always very interesting because I am the youngest one in there. Now, you know, Auntie, old, right? You know I'm old, and I'm still the youngest one in there. Everybody else is in their 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s. And I love it because um you can't know what you don't know. You can't talk about something when you haven't even touched those experiences yet. And so I always get a really good perspective from people who are older than me. So let's go back to the initial conversation. We were talking about safety, we were talking about love, we were talking about um what causes people to kind of hold back and put up a wall, specifically women. Now, I'm sure that a lot of this can be applied to all women, but on this podcast, we talk about black and brown women. So you're gonna hear me mention black women a lot. If you are listening from someplace else and that is not your experience, that's your business because that's your algorithm that brought you over here. So we're gonna be talking about black and brown women. So I was explaining to someone that a lot of times with um, unfortunately with black women, a lot of us grow up with no fathers. And so when we go out and we look for a significant other, we are often looking for a level of protection that we haven't experienced. And so I asked the gentleman that I was having the conversation with, you know, what do you think is the role of a man in a relationship or a husband? And he's like, Well, everybody know that it's to provide and protect. And I was like, okay, well, like, what does that mean to you? You know, provide, make sure they have everything she needs, you know, um, make sure I'm paying bills, uh, you know, protection, make sure that she's safe in these streets and that she walking around in these streets safe. And that brought me back to another conversation I had. We talk about this whole safe in the streets thing. I know a lot of women, not just because I'm in a sorority, but I know a lot of women because I just seem to know a lot of women, not one. If these women have ever talked to me about being in the street and having to have somebody step up and defend her honor and knock somebody out in the street. So where where are we getting this from? Where are we getting this protection? Like we out here living in uh what's that movie? Um the hunger games. Like we out here in the hunger games needing that kind of protection. What like what are we talking about? Um, and so in listening to his explanation, I realized that there has somehow we have uh evolved into a very oversimplified definition of provision and protection, right? It has it has broken down to money and muscles. Provision and protection. We only thing we need this man for is money and muscles. That's all he gotta protect provide for us. He just gotta have, you know, enough bread to give us whatever we want and enough muscles to protect us from this, you know, whatever's happening in the street. Now, I don't want to act like those two things aren't important. Money and muscles or protection, however that is, because you know, shout out to skinny dudes who ain't got no muscles and can still protect their shorty. It's still important. Um, but I think that we need to be a little bit more specific about those definitions. Um, so let's start from the beginning. When we hear protection, right? Of course, our mind uh immediately goes up to physical safety. You know, we think about a man, he's walking on the outside of the sidewalk, you know, because of all the cars that jump the curb, but okay, you know, he's stepping in in a dangerous situation. You know, he when you hear something in the middle of the night, he's jumping up with the shoddy, you know, ready on the side of the bed. You know, it's about him keeping his family safe, right? And again, those things absolutely matter, but we are unintentionally making protection very small because real protection is so much bigger than that. You know, at its core, protection is about creating an environment where another person feels safe, right? They have to feel safe enough to fully exist in themselves. So it's about feeling safe enough. What was that movie? Oh, waiting to exhale, right? Being safe enough in your partner that you feel like you can really exhale and take a breath. You know, when you're with that man, you feel like everything around you is good. I know you've seen some of like I've I know I've seen one with a YouTube couple I follow, Shannon Jamal, where they did a skit where they were walking down the street on a walk and his mind is going a mile a minute. He's like, Who is that? What's going on? Is that dog coming here? What's that man looking like? Who's that? And then she's just walking around, and in her mind is nothing, just complete air because she feels so safe with him that all she has to do is exist, you know. Um, and again, physical protection is important, but thankfully we don't spend our days, you know, running from physical danger. The threats that we as women, especially black women, face on an everyday basis is more of like emotional, mental, psychological. And so I think we need to talk more about emotional protection because emotional protection is basically one of the greatest gifts that you could ever give to someone else. It means that your person knows that they can be vulnerable without fear. That means without fear of ridicule, that means without fear of retribution. Don't you love when a shorty is like, you can tell me anything, just be honest with me. All I want is honesty. And then he says, Oh, okay, well, honestly, I don't like the way that you oh, you don't like it? Okay, good. So you don't want to be with me? Okay, so I'm not her because I find it really funny how see what you did there. You see how you told this man that he could tell you anything? You see how you told this man that he could be safe with you, and then the minute he was honest with you, you immediately attacked him. This is part of the reason why. This is why, because they don't feel safe to tell the truth. And even if it means that you're not even the one who set that environment for them, meaning you may really be one of those people. I'm one of those people. Anyone who knows me, anybody who's ever dated me knows that I need the truth. 100% honest, unequivocal truth. I don't care what it feels like, I don't care what it sounds like, I don't care if it's things, I need the truth because the truth makes for informed decisions. I can't make an informed decision if you're not telling me the whole truth. I also know how to take the truth. I know to not yell and scream and ridicule and act crazy when I get the truth. But niggas still be lying to me. You want to know why that is? Because for the last 15 relationships before me, they've been telling the truth and getting their face bit off when they tell the truth. And so they come to me and they still are indoctrinated with that and they still lie. They still lie. So, um, so you can't let a man be able to, you know, come to you and be like, yo, I'm scared, or yo, I'm struggling, you know, share their insecurities with you, and then you turn around and you attack them for it a minute later. Yeah, or when a man is is crying and you're like, it's okay. And in your man, in your mind, even though this man is sharing this honest truth with you, in your mind, you're sitting there talking smack about him and being like, There's a nigga, there's you know, over here crying, and yeah, that's not how that's supposed to be. That's not how that's supposed to be. Because what you're doing is you're setting up a man to constantly feel like he needs to guard his heart in your presence because he can't trust you with the truth, and that you're not handling him with care. And so the same goes for women. Women need to feel emotionally protected as well. That means that we can put our guard down and say things to you that we may not even say to our friends. That's how it's supposed to be. Protection also means psychological safety. Meaning, can your person disagree with you without fearing punishment or the silent treatment? Or, you know, can they express a different opinion without then feeling like they gotta walk on eggshells? Can they make a mistake without feeling like, oh, the whole relationship's gonna be over because they made a mistake? That's what psychological safety is about. It is what allows people to be authentic in themselves. It's what gives people permission to be imperfect, right? Uh, to grow, to become more of themselves instead of less of themselves, because that's a form of protection that doesn't get talked about enough. I don't, I don't know the, I don't understand these couples. Let me say this. I know some. I don't understand these couples that could have an argument and then just not talk for two weeks. Like, badass not talk. Just walk around and not speak to each other. And you do know that every day is a gift, right? Like, that's wild to me. You're just gonna not talk. Not here, you're gonna not talk. Not in this house. Oh no, we're gonna talk about it and we're gonna move on. You know, if we need a minute to cool off, even if you know we don't talk as much as we normally talk for a good 24 hours, cool. Maybe we need to, you know, go into ourselves so we can figure out how we feel about something and come back. Oh, but you're not about to walk around here and not talk to me. Absolutely not. Are you dumb? Are you dumb? That is crazy. That is crazy. So now we're mad at each other. We we're gonna not talk for four days, and then three and a half days in, you drop dead, and now for the rest of my life, I'm gonna supposed to carry that. Absolutely not. You're gonna say what you gotta say, and we're gonna move on. And and however moving on looks like, that's what we're gonna do. So, psychologically safe. Women and men need to feel psychologically safe in their relationships. Um, oh, spiritual, mental protection. Do you encourage your partner's dreams or do you dismiss them? Do you help bring peace into their life or do they feel emotionally drained every time they're around you? And I just need to say that again. Do you bring peace into their life? Do you bring peace into their life? Do you bring peace into their life? Because let me tell you something. Let me tell you what's going on in the world outside of these four walls. It's crazy outside. Outside is crazy. Did we not just talk about a boy getting killed by his friends? Because I'm gonna say it. Somebody done killed him. It's crazy. Police, police is killing people, bread is $832 a loaf, gas is $6,897 a gallon. Are you dumb? Like it's crazy outside. If you don't have peace in your home, that's not home. Because home is where peace is at. Anybody listening to this pod right now, if you do not have peace in your home, that's not home. Those two things should be synonymous. You should know that whatever the world throws at you when you walk through the threshold of that door, you are at peace if you're not sleeping in peace. If you're not cooking in peace, how your food tastes good if you're not putting peace and love into it. What are we talking about? Sometimes protection looks like helping someone carry the weight of life instead of adding to the weight of life. And sometimes it's defending your partner when they're not in the room. And sometimes it's protecting their reputation, their confidence, or even their peace of mind. The older I get is kind of the more I realize that the safest place in our lives aren't always with the strongest people. It's the ones whose presence makes us feel secure. A few years ago, I went through something, and for the first time in 48 years of life, I needed my mom. I needed my mom. I was going through something that I was just like, I needed my mother. And that's not something that I've experienced before that. Um, but there was a certain level of safety that I felt like in that moment I could only get in her. And outside of just needing my mom, I needed my network of people. There, I have my group of people that make me feel secure. That when I go through something, I know that those are my people. I feel like it's all fine and good to have that in friendships, but shouldn't you have that with the person that you rushed your head with? And I just need to go back to one other thing. The part about feeling being with someone who protects your reputation, your confidence, and your peace of mind. These people, men and women, be out here cheating and don't even understand how you are leaving your partner so vulnerable. Now, listen, this isn't a judgment call. Because let me tell you something, back in my 20s, they had not made someone who cheated as much as me. It I am one of one when it comes to my level of cheating back in my 20s. But age and wisdom and growth has taught me how what a terrible, terrible thing that is to do with someone because ain't nobody forcing you to be nowhere. You literally don't have to be there. Um, or be honest, you know, they've created all of these uh fancy terms, ethical non-monogamy, which just means I cheat and your ass know it. That's literally what it is. But when you cheat on somebody, um, and when you maintain inappropriate relationships with people, when you do things that you know your partner necessarily wouldn't be okay with, that is a big breakdown in protection. You are not supposed to have someone walking around in these streets having something on you, having something on your partner. Like, that's not supposed to be like that. You know, I remember being in a situation like that and saying to my partner at the time, so you really out here, like just letting this girl have this amount of impact on our home. Where is the protection is that in that? Where is the protection in the confidence? So now you cheat on this woman or you cheat on this man, and then how do you think that makes them feel? Because I know all women, the first thing they do is like they can say whatever they want, but in those dark moments, they're saying to themselves, Well, what's wrong with me? Why aren't I good enough? What about me? Isn't enough for this person that's making them go out there and seek something else? And protection of peace of mind. You know, like who doesn't want to feel like, yo, I don't care if Beyoncé, Tiana, Alato, and whoever else come in front of my man, I know that I'm what he wants. And the same. You know, it's like the thing I used to always say about there's always gonna be a newer, faster, shinier model, but you got a lot of vintage model that you have. You have to appreciate that they don't build in the way that they used to. So, you know, that's all I gotta say about that. Moving on to provision. Okay, y'all. So just like protection, you know, I think that we are reducing the word provision to just one thing, money. And don't get me wrong, money matters. I like nice things. Money matters, but because financial provision, you know, creates a still stability. It keeps a roof over our head, it keeps food on the table, you know, it gives us opportunities, you know, and security and options, and we should definitely maximize that. And providing financially is important, it's valuable, you know. Um, and for a lot of people, we were raised in a way, especially immigrant families, that finances show a person's love. You know, you show that you care about somebody. Like when we grew up, our parents may not have said, Oh, I love you, I'm proud of you, you're the best. But what they did do was make sure you had food and clothes and everything that you needed, and that would cook, even if in a meal, that was the ways in which they showed love. And so that's what we believe love and provision is. But listen, real quick, let me tell you something. Y'all listening. If your provision stops at your paycheck, then there is a lot left to be desired. If all you have to provide is money, you're missing out on a lot. Because listen, we all know there are people living in million-dollar homes and they are deadass emotionally bankrupt. Like emotionally, they don't have nothing. We see couples all the time that have every material comfort imaginable, and you can tell that they are super, super lonely and are starving for something. And it isn't money, you know, it's it's connection. Uh, provision isn't just about supplying resources, you know, it's about really supplying the thing that makes people flourish. Um, provision can look a bunch of different ways, folks. It can look like encouragement. You know, if if someone that you care about is having a rough day, and you know, if your significant other is feeling down about themselves, that's where provision comes in. You provide them encouragement. And sometimes it's wisdom. You know, maybe you have a significant other, a partner who is trying to make a really big decision and they need help. And, you know, we all know challenges help you grow and it kind of remind you who you are when things get tough, but provision can also look like providing wisdom, consistency, dependability, emotional availability. You know what I'm saying? Like, those are the things that show up and matter so much more than money. Provision means so much more than nice bags, hair done, nails done, everything did. Provision means all of those other things. And don't get me wrong, provision needs to go both ways, ladies. Like, we've kind of somehow assigned the role of provider to a man. Uh, and that's that's not the truth because every healthy relationship is filled with people providing for one another in different ways. And in a society where women, especially black and brown women, no, let me go back. Black women are huge providers now. They make uh they're the most educated population on the planet, they are making so much more money than before. That doesn't only mean that all you provide is money for him either, Shorty. You know, where one partner may provide financial stability, the other partner can also be providing emotional grounding and vice versa, you know. Um, and you guys can kind of work together as a team. You know, one person can provide vision and the other person provides organization, and one may be super funny and be the one that kind of provides the laughter when life gets kind of heavy, and the other person may be super calm in their nature when life gets chaotic. Like you are pro you're supposed to provide the best parts of yourself to a relationship, you know. Um, I also think it's important that we remember that healthy relationships aren't about keeping score, you know, it's kind of built on asking, well, what does the person that I love or what does the person that I'm with need in order to thrive? And how can I help them provide that? You know, we can go into a much deeper conversation about love languages and stuff because I've been in a situation where someone loved me the best way that they could, but that's not the way that I needed to be loved in order to be able to, in order to be able to feel that love. You know, it's important to know what your significant other needs to make them feel loved. Um and I guess lastly, I think that in provision, the big one of the biggest things that you can provide someone is kind of investment, you know, an investment of your time, an investment of your peace. You know, you're investing in that person, you're investing in their dreams, you are investing in their healing. Most people come into relationships whereas two people very broken, they come into a relationship with each other and they invest in the healing. Now, that doesn't make your healing your partner's responsibility. Your healing is still your responsibility, but you want to be with somebody who is investing in that healing. Because at the end of the day, you know, provision isn't measured by what we have and the things that we have. It's measured by who we are and how we pour into the person that we're with. Um, yeah, I don't want to make this a very long episode, but I just thought that that was very important. And I just kind of wanted to speak on that misconception. I think that even in friendships, you know, we should evaluate what we provide in our friendships. How do people feel when they are around me? And I guess that's kind of the main point of what I'm saying, you know, learning that real position and real protection happens when someone leaves your presence feeling stronger and calmer and more supportive and more secure than they felt before they started talking to and before they came into your presence. And you know, I think it's about finding your people, finding your tribe of people that make you feel at home, that make you feel safe. Because at the end of the day, I think that that's what it all comes down to. And you know, I I know this has been kind of one long stream of consciousness, but that's kind of what I want to wrap it up with. Um, because even as I was talking about this a few weeks ago, it the thought in my mind, the theme in my mind just kept coming back to safety, you know, not Somebody being rich, not someone being strong, not someone being successful, but someone orchestrating a space of safety. Because when we think about it, that's really what we're all looking for. We are looking for people who make us feel like we can finally take off our armor. You know, people who don't just protect our bodies, but also protect our hearts. People who don't just provide paychecks, but also provide peace. Uh people who don't just say that they love us, but they create an environment where we can feel that love and see that love actually grow. Um I don't know. I just think that somewhere along the lines we've kind of reduced relationships to transactions. You know, we always hear people being like, I think I might have even just said it before, like, well, what do you bring to the table? instead of kind of asking, How do people feel when they're sitting across from you at that table? You know, that may be a better question. Cause you can bring money to the table and still bring chaos with that money. And you can be physically strong but still see leave someone feeling like emotionally unsafe. Uh and the truth of the matter is you can literally be paying every single bill in that house, but still be neglecting the soul of the person that you claim to love. Because I mean, at the end of the day, real resources is real provision is more than just resources, you know, it's about nourishment, it's about um what does the person I love need to become the fullest and best version of themselves? And listen, let's call it spade to spade. Sometimes the answer may be financial support, but sometimes the answer is also encouragement or patience or accountability. Sometimes somebody just needs to hear you say, you know what? My bad. I was wrong. I did that thing, I should have done, and I'll do better next time. Sometimes it's like literally about just showing up over and over and over again so that someone can feel like they don't have to carry the load of life by themselves because we're not meant to do that. We are not meant to be doing life by ourselves and carrying the load by ourselves. We're being in a relationship with somebody that still makes us feel like we are by ourselves. Uh yeah. And you know what? And even about protection, too, I just kind of want to mention protection also isn't about control and it isn't about jealousy, you know, um, masking is love. Uh, it isn't one person making all of the decisions and being the boss of you and anything like that, you know. Um true prove true pre protection. Oh my god, I'm rusty, y'all. True protection fosters an environment of safety. You know, and yeah, that's kind of all I had to say today. I promise I will not be another uh four months out, but you know, listen, you gotta be out here living in order for you to really be getting the experiences that you kind of want to share with other people. You know, when I started this pod, and I always say it, I didn't care if anybody listens. I still don't care because it was just a way of me kind of recording my thoughts and allowing myself to have these moments of these long streams of consciousness where I just kind of spoke without any interruption about things that were on my mind. And the whole thing about provision and protection really just has been on my mind kind of heavy. It made me also think about, and I want you guys to think about something too, and let me know like uh how you feel about this. You know, how do the people I love experience me? You know, do they feel seen? Do they feel heard? Do they feel safe? You know, um, I care about that. I care about the people that I am around and the people that are around me. I want to make sure that I'm always fostering and orchestrating and curating a good environment for people to be around me. You know, I want I really thought heavily about that. How do the people I love experience me? Um, so you know, until next time, kind of protect somebody's peace, provide someone with a little bit of hope, use your kindness, give some kind words, you know. Um, and yeah, don't be a douchebag. Like, pretty much, don't be a D-bag. All right, y'all. Thanks, y'all. Thank y'all for listening. And for those who are coming back, I appreciate you guys. And you know what? Shout out to people who was hitting me up. Like, yo, what's good with the episodes? Yo, what's up with Coco and the Culture? I really, really do appreciate that. Um, I'm glad to be back. Please, if you want to be part of the conversation, you know you could email Coco Culture Podcast at gmail.com. Spelled out coco culturepodcast at gmail.com. It is time to wrap it up. And today's deep cut, I already knew what today's deep cut was gonna be. Um yeah, I already knew. So as we wrap up, today's deep cut comes from Denise Williams with a sentiment that we can all relate to. All she wanted to do is be free, y'all. Thank y'all for listening. Shout out, and I hope to see y'all back next week.

SPEAKER_04 51:19

Nothing too good.