EP 4: Dying Daily

In this episode, we’re having an honest conversation about the process not the polished version, but the kind you experience in the middle of becoming.

Jenny opens up about her journey through rejection, identity, and healing, and what it has looked like to put real language to the process of sanctification. She unpacks what it means to die daily, surrender old mindsets, and confront the lies that once felt like truth.

Together, we explore what it looks like to let go of what’s familiar, trust God in the unknown, and stay committed to growth even when it’s uncomfortable.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles, struggled with how you see yourself, or found it hard to trust God in the middle of your healing, this conversation is for you.

Because becoming isn’t always easy.

But God meets you in it.

Transcript

Where I’ve Been Lately

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Let's do this together. You are coming. You are brave. Let's go. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. It's your girl Jenny, and we are back for another Crowned and Brave episode. I know it's been some time since our last episode, episode three, with my dear friend Jasmine Jones, where we talked about becoming in prayer, but um I wanted to take some time to really just talk to y'all about where I've been at. So while I'm filming this season of the podcast, I am currently pregnant. I've been pregnant this entire time. Um, for most of the audience that does listen to this, they've known that I'm pregnant. But I believe that this podcast is reaching people that I'm not connected to, and people that are just getting this podcast through shares and through connections with um all the different platforms that uh Crowned and Brave is linked to. But I just want to let the audience know that I am pregnant, and currently, as I am recording this episode, I am nine months pregnant, and so the past few weeks, the past month and or so, the past several months, let's just be honest, it's it's been difficult. It's been difficult because I've been actively uh stewarding my pregnancy along with preparing for the new arrival that's coming to our family, and just um, you know, just building and preparing and working full-time and being a mom and just nurturing my body, taking rest, all of those things. And so, you know, I there was a break. There was a bit of a break from our last episode to this one, but that's okay because I still believe that what God wants to do through not just my obedience, but through uh this podcast and just the establishment of this podcast is going to be great, and so I want to continue on with the road with where I've started, and I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't want to put it down essentially. Um so my hope is that um that I can finish the season. My hope is that I can finish the season that I'd planned out. Um, I do still have some great people that are coming on, or I have planned to come on to to be with us and to communicate and to talk to us about you know their becoming story and to talk about uh where they've been and how God has taken them, um how God has really traveled with them through their journey in um and growing and maturing and uh spiritual actualization of what God is doing in their life. And just through, you know, the act of surrender of how they've they've they've overcome some of the things that have really kept them back. Um, and so I I I might my hope, my hope is to really not just finish the pot, finish the season, I should say, um, but it's to you know finish it to to completion in the way that I planned. But if it doesn't happen that way, I just want to say out loud that it's all right, it's okay. Baby girl is coming, yes, I'm having a girl. Baby girl is coming in about four weeks or so, so she can be here at any moment. And I would love to say that I might pick this up when she comes here, but everybody knows, or those who are mothers should know that you know the first several weeks of having a newborn is very difficult. And so I just want to say it publicly that, like, if I don't return back to this season, thank you guys for joining me, thank you guys for supporting me, thank you guys for loving on me, thank you guys for encouraging me, and I just really appreciate y'all rocking with me um through this first season of Crown and Brave. God is still faithful, God is still good. Um, and no matter what happens, um there's still victory in all of this, and so I just wanted to put it out there into the world that I haven't just put this down for no reason. I've literally just been stewarding and taking time with myself, my family, my body, um, this baby, our home, all of those things. Um, because like I said before, becoming is a perpetual thing, it's something that we continue and that we're always on this road to, right? Like we're constantly in different seasons of becoming. And so I am in a new season of, or I'm embarking, I should say, on a new season of becoming that I'm really excited about. But at the same time, I've also birthed this thing that I'm really passionate about, and um, I don't want to put it down and I don't wanna I don't wanna stop. I don't wanna stop, but I wanna I wanna be honest with the audience. So, y'all, that's where I've been. It took a whole five minutes to talk about that, but that's where I've been. Um, I haven't put this down, I'm still committed to what the Lord has said, what the Lord has said, and I am I'm really excited about uh continuing on this journey with us. With that being said, if this is and just so happens to be the last episode of season one of the crowned and brave podcast, again, thanks for rocking with me. My hope and my prayer is that season two will come uh during the fall, and so we're going to we're going to continue to uh steward and just be a just be a part and be present of what the Lord is doing um with Crown and Brave, but also at the same time nurturing my family because family is the first ministry. But my hope is that uh season two of Crown and Brave will um will come later this year, and so that's my hope. We'll see what happens, but at the end of the day, the Lord is in control. I love you guys so much, and I'm so grateful that you guys have chosen to rock with me on this journey and be a part of this with me. All right, with that being said, let's get into the episode.

Dying Daily And Sanctification

SPEAKER_00 7:20

All right, y'all. We're in episode four of season one of the crowned and rave podcast. I'm super excited that you're here. Thank you for joining me on this journey as we continue to embark on our becoming and becoming together. So, today's episode, we're talking about dying daily. I've done some heavy reflecting um as part of this journey, and uh something that I've come to know and come to put uh language to is that what I keep identifying as the process, quote unquote, is really sanctification. Now, what is sanctification? Google defines sanctification as the theological process of being set apart by God and transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. And uh that's completely true. I can absolutely agree with that definition. And there are so many definitions that could uh help to understand what sanctification is or what it what it can be or what the experience is like, but essentially it's becoming more like Christ, it's a process of being set apart. Now, let's understand what a process actually is. So process is a uh structured series of actions or steps or changes directed towards a specific result. And now when we pair that with sanctification, we can see that a process is a spiritual or is a natural, I should say, version of sanctification. Because sanctification is of essentially a process that we take, one that's completely set apart, that makes us holy, and one that helps us to align us with who Jesus is and his likeness and being more like him. And it really completely transforms us. It takes us from point A to point B. And while I've been thinking about the road that I've embarked through sanctification, one of the one of the scriptures that came to me is found in Luke chapter 9, verse 23. The NLT version reads, then he, he being Jesus, said to the crowd, If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. And to me, what that speaks to is the process of sanctification. Essentially, I feel as if that the Lord is calling us to be a version of him, his follower, right? By putting down ourselves, putting down our own perspective, putting down our own mindsets, putting down our own ways, he says, and to take up our cross daily, to take up our burdens, to take up the things that um are difficult every single day, that process, right? That thing that's really, really tough, and to follow him. So we're gonna grab hold of the we're gonna grab hold of the things that are incredibly difficult for us to do on our own, but we're going to do that in following him. So first we're going to lay down the way that we believe that things should go. So there's an act of surrender to this. We're still gonna hold on to the things that are burdensome, but we're gonna do that in in action of following him. Like we don't we don't pick up something and say stagnant, we pick up something and we we're in motion. And so the process of sanctification or the idea of sanctification is incredibly important to the becoming journey. And I believe that this scripture today is not only just gonna ground us in our conversation, but it's really going to support the idea of what it takes to be committed and dedicated to the the process. Because what we're doing has a name. What we're doing can be identified, can be labeled, and the Bible is calling it or it's describing it as the process of sanctification. What we're going through, what we're the journey that we're embarking on, what we're what we're using different words to describe is essentially sanctification. And I think what I want to make sure to hit on is that this isn't a one-time decision. It's a daily decision. It's a daily choice that we're not picking our way anymore, but we're choosing God's way. And let's be honest, sometimes that's really difficult to do, especially when we're walking in transition from one thing to another, whether that be how we see ourselves, how we see others, how we understand something, how we um how we interact with something, whatever, whatever that thing is that we have grab hold of and that we're deciding to put down, right? Because the Lord says that to be his follower, we need to essentially put this thing down. We need to lay it down, but we're going to not only just lay it down, the thing that we're deciding to lay down, we're also saying, okay, Lord, I'm deciding to walk in this thing or through this thing with you. And so that's a daily decision. And it's not something that we just do once, it's something that we do every single day, but also at the same time, it is a process that is going to cost

Rejection And The Lies It Grows

SPEAKER_00 13:26

you something. I'll say for me that my experience with uh process comes through the form of overcoming rejection and all of the all of the things that identify or all the outcomes I should say that are produced because of rejection. So being overlooked, feeling like I'm not enough, needing acceptance from others, uh, you know, and things that you know many other people can identify with even if they haven't gone through rejection, like the need to shrink, the need to change, the need to overexplain. Um some traumatic things that we do uh overlap regardless of our experiences. And so um, you know, even if you don't identify with the feeling of having to overcome rejection in your own personal life, you know, you've probably experienced what it's like to shrink, um, or you know, what it what it feels to like not be enough, regardless of maybe whatever your point of trauma might be. And so for me in my journey, that has been the thing for me. Rejection was the the seed. Rejection was the seed that was planted that grew what felt like a forest in my life and produced so many things. Things that I saw in um through family, through um relationships, you know, being in school, um, and the way that I saw myself, my identity, my um my the way that I was perceived by other people, all of those things had stemmed from the seed of rejection. And one of the things or one of the lies that it embedded into my mind was that I had to um was that I had to like work hard. I had to, one of the, let's just put it like this, perfectionism, that I had to be perfect to be accepted by other people, to not be rejected by them. Does that make sense? And so like that level of perfection might look different in multiple settings, but essentially achieving a place of perfectionism that would uh satisfy the the percept, the people's perception of me in my family, like amongst my parents or amongst my friends or in ministry or in schooling or whatever, right? So, like for me, it was the idea of just not being enough and striving towards perfectionism. And so the lie that continued to be embedded in me was that I had to be uh a level of perfect for people to accept me. And only other people could define what that perfect looked like for me. I hope you're following me. And so essentially, lies continue to be built off of the seed, off of these outcomes. Um lies that I would interpret as truths. And essentially what ended up happening for me is that I believed the lies so much so that they became my framework in how I identified or how I saw myself. And so when it came to when it came to stepping into uh sanctification and healing, one of the things that I had to lay down was that was my mindset, was the way in which I saw myself, was the way in which I identified who I was, and not allowing people to take on the definition of my identification, but instead to see my identification through the lens of Christ. And that was an incredibly difficult process for me because, like I said, I believed the lies that the seed of rejection continued to produce in my life. And so I would take on the lies as full truths, but they weren't truths. They were, they were, they were misunderstandings, misconceptions, and perversions of a reality that I only saw through a lens that was distorted through my traumas. And so what did it cost me? Essentially, when I took hold of those lies, those lies became a comfort for me. Those lies became the bed that I continue to lie in every single day. I made comfort and peace and and friendship and and and bonds with the lies. The lies were the things that I would walk out every single day. It was what I would clothe myself with, it was what I would clothe my mind with. And essentially, these these lies were the precepts of how I lived my life. I hope y'all are tracking me. And so when I when I got serious about my healing journey, I had to confront the lies. And it cost me a lot because it was harder to divorce the lies than it was to accept a new truth. Whoa, time out. I feel like I just said something, but it really, it really was true. Let me go back a little bit because I remember like starting in baby steps with the quote unquote process, and what that looked like for me at the time was a surface level of doing the work, the work being confronting the confronting the hardships that were perpetuating the cycles that I continued to live in. Confrontation. I made a very firm decision to confront the things that were difficult. And in that in that walk of confrontation, every step I took in confronting a new layer of myself was a dismantling. I was dismantling the things that were keeping me bound. And so I remember as I was baby stepping through the process at the beginning, I saw it as, oh, I want to uh or I am dedicated to the idea of self-growth. I am dedicated to the idea of, you know, um just growing in myself, right? And just learning myself. And, you know, at first they came through affirmations. Those were like the baby steps. Like if I could tell my, if I could begin to rewire my

Therapy And Rebuilding A Value System

SPEAKER_00 20:50

thinking about myself, then I could, you know, can like I could dismantle or I can begin to to pull apart some of the things. And it worked at first, you know, some that was that was my that was my entry point into this thing because I realized that it was the things that I was telling myself. But the however, it's almost like I was telling myself these these new affirmations and trying to uh put them on top of the lie versus removing the lie and adding the truth, if that makes sense. And so I remember just going through the process, going like starting off this process. But in the end, what did it cost me? It cost me my comfort, it cost me the thing that I held on to as truth, which was essentially the lies, but it was it was the thing that I made myself familiar with. It was the excuses that I uh that I uh gave myself permission to uh to to to feel, gave myself permission to uh explain away why I was the Way that I was. Instead of taking accountability for the things that not just hurt me, but also my contribution and how I've allowed those things to hurt me. Instead, they were the comforter in this bed that I've made that made me comfortable in just being stagnant, being in the place that I was. And so I remember, you know, talking to certain people, and only a few people would call me out and just say that that's an excuse, that's an excuse, that's an excuse. And I remember being so emotional about trying to explain and just feeling so completely misunderstood because I was so trauma bonded to the things or to the lies that I've accepted as truths that I didn't want to, I didn't want to release them. I didn't want to release the lie because I still, even though I, even though I could say it, I didn't confront it and and hold myself accountable to how I've contributed to it. Like I didn't make space for freedom. I only saw where I was as just the line. Like this is where I am, and this is, and this is how this is this is how I'm like this. Like you have to just accept it because I've accepted it. But it wasn't real freedom. And so I wasn't, I wasn't transformed by knowing a level of the truth, quote unquote, that I might have felt because those lies felt like truth. Those lies were my emotions. And I had to learn that my emotions are not true. The Bible says that your heart is fickle. Your heart, your heart is, your heart don't know nothing. And and at the end of the day, it's just like, yo, that was those were my emotions, yeah, but they weren't the truth. They weren't the truth. And so like I had to transform how I how I saw things. And so when I began to really walk into my real healing season, my real healing season, I had to, I had to confront and I had to really talk through, understand, accept, let go of certain things that made up my value system. And talking about our value system can come at a different day, uh, but essentially that was that was the the strike that broke the concrete for me. When I started talking to my therapist and we started uh developing and identifying what my value system was built on, and essentially realizing that my value system was built on lies, that's when I started to make ground in this process. That's when things started to change for me. And one of the things that we did in therapy was that she would ask me, she would ask me if the what I believed, what I believed about what God said about me, did I believe what God said about me? And I would say, yes, I believe what God says about me. I believe that he says that I am loved. I believe that he says that I am his child. I believe that he says that I am free. However, I believe them from the perspective of God, but I don't believe them from the perspective of me. Like it was hard for me to accept that. Like I accept that God said that about me, but I didn't accept it for myself. And so once I started working through some of those things, um, and and again, dismantling the lie system and replacing my value system with the truth, I started to, I started to to really see myself the way that God sees me, because I had to accept it, or because I started to walk it out in a place, in a place of acceptance. Because I wasn't looking for God's love. I wasn't looking for God's acceptance. I wasn't looking for the because those things were already, those things were already given to me, but I have to accept them for myself. And that was really, really difficult. And so the cost was laying down my understanding, my mindset, and my perspective that was built up through the years and layers of trauma that I had experienced from when I was younger that became the ground that I walked and the foundation in which I lived my life.

Surrender And Trusting God’s Plans

SPEAKER_00 27:03

And so when we think about the first portion of Luke chapter 9, verse 23, and Jesus says, if you want to be my follower, you must give up your own way. The first thing is surrendering. The first thing is saying, I am not going to continue on doing the things that I've been doing, whether they're through action or through mindset, that I'm not going to continue to perpetuate this life that I've been living through the lens of how I understand and how I see things. And that that laying down, that laying down is a huge, and I love how the Lord put it as the first step. Because how are you supposed to be able to do a new thing without laying down an old thing? Right? The Bible speaks about not being able to pour new wine into an old wineskin. And so you can't put a new way of thinking, a new way of being into an old, an old frame, an old understanding. It's just, it's, it's not possible. And so the idea of surrender, which means to yield, to give up power, control, or possessions of another compulsion or demand to completely, to give up completely, to completely agree to forego right for another thing in favor of for in favor of another thing. Are you ready to yield your power, yield your control, yield your compulsion for something else? The Lord says for you to be his follower, you have to give up that your power. You have to give up how you see yourself, you have to give up one thing for another. You just have you have to. And I love that he makes it as the first step. Because to be completely bought into this process, there can't be something in competition with what God is trying to do. And I think one of the hard things about the journey and the process is that there's a continued wrestle. There's a continued wrestle between what I want to do and what the Lord is is saying to do, or what the Lord is trying to get me to see, what the Lord is trying to get me to understand. You ever see that meme where it's like a little girl in Jesus, and Jesus is um, you know, he stooped down to see her eye to eye, and he's asking her to give up something. And behind his back, he has something greater. And then, you know, in different variations of the meme, it might be like, give he's the Lord is asking the little girl to give, you know, her teddy bear, and he has a bigger teddy bear behind his back, right? The Lord is asking us to exchange. Will you lay down yourself? Will you lay down the level of control and power that you believe that you have to attain the thing that the Lord has for you? And that's a scary place to be because we don't know what's on the other side of that. We don't know what's on the other side of what God has for us, or what on the other side of surrender, I should say. And that's and that's hard, right? Because we just don't know. And but that takes trust and faith, right? Like, do we trust God enough to be able to receive what he has for us? One of the scriptures that I would constantly come back to when I would struggle with this is Jeremiah 29, 11. For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope in a future. The Bible clearly speaks that the Lord has specific plans for us that do not include harm. And so sometimes when we're wrestling with Lord, can I trust you? We have to realize that God has a track record that does not lie. He has never failed, he has never lost a battle. He has never not shown up. He has never not been available. His resources are plentiful and they're for us. Matter of fact, he is for us. That's what his word says. He has plans to prosper you. And it takes for us to say, Lord, I want your prospering plan for me. Whatever that plan may look like, Lord, I want to relinquish my idea of success and relinquish my idea of control and relinquish my idea of prosperity and goodness and all of those things. I want to relinquish that to you because I know that what you have for me is better than whatever I have for me. And so it takes a level of trust to be able to surrender. But we have to get to a place where we understand and we know God and we trust him to know, and to trust him is to know who he is. To know who he is. How do we know who he is? It's by going in his word and to by by reading what he says about who he is. The Bible says that he calls himself the I am. I am that I am. That's what he tells Moses in Exodus at the burning bush. I am that I am. Who should who, when they ask who who sent me, who should I say sent me? God says, say I am. I am. And why is that a that's so crazy that he calls himself I am complete stop. Because he is whatever you need him to be. And because he is not a man that he should lie, and that he comes through every time, he does not have a track record that would display that he's not trustworthy. Matter of fact, he's consistent, he's reliable, he's always on time, he's resourceful, he's plentiful, he's so much more. So when we describe him, we describe him in his fullness, and we describe him in his fullness because that's who he is. He's never not been anything but amazing, but great, right? And so let's get that into our understanding of who the Lord is, because when we do that,

Taking Up Your Cross Daily

SPEAKER_00 34:08

then we can be able to surrender, right? Then we can surrender freely. The Bible also says in Luke chapter 9, the second part, it says that we are to take up our cross daily. What is taking up our cross daily? First of all, we have to understand that the Bible says we have to do it daily. So that means it's a daily surrender, it's a daily decision. But when we take up our cross as well, it's something that it's we're denying ourselves. It's a self-denial. So it's letting go of our personal selves, right? I'm taking up this cross, this thing that's very laborous, right? We're enduring trials, this a cross that's so heavy, right? So all the difficult things and the hard things, and I'm taking up this thing, meaning when I take up, I am moving through faith by faith to, you know, undergo maybe a tough situation, an unfair situation, a situation where I don't have advantage, whatever the situation may be, right? But I'm going, I'm taking it up with a good attitude. I'm taking it up, you know, to understand endurance and perseverance, right? I'm persevering under the weight of this thing, but I'm taking it up freely. So it's an it's an act of it's an act of obedience and where we're choosing to follow God, we're choosing to uh to to go on this this journey with him. And it means that it's gonna be uncomfortable. Taking up your cross is something that's uncomfortable. The process is not meant to be comfortable. When we think about Jesus and his process as he walks the road to be crucified, that was not a comfortable road. He was carrying his cross, right? And he's asking us to be like him, to be set apart and like him in this way by enduring hardships, but doing it with faith, doing it every single day, doing it with you know, with him on our minds. We're enduring something harder, not to become bitter, but to become better, right? And so taking up our cross is not something that's fun. It's not something that uh that holds like a like a positive, you know, connotation. However, because this is an upside down kingdom and how the Lord works, right? Taking up our cross means that we are letting go or we're surrendering our own personal desire. We're letting go of our own personal comfort to fulfill the will of the Lord, to fulfill what God has for us, to be able to achieve that abundant life that he speaks about in John 10 10, right? He's asking us every single day. This road ain't gonna be easy. It's not gonna be easy, but I'm asking for you to pick up your situation, pick up your situation, not to be bitter, but to be better and to follow me. Third thing is an active step. We are to actively move. We are to actively not stay in the place that we're in, because that's not active, not to stay in the place that we're in, but to instead to move towards the thing that God is calling us to. And that might be freedom. In this, in this context of becoming, I know that a lot of us are walking towards a new level and measure of freedom that we have not experienced before. And so God is saying, I know what you've endured, I know what you've suffered through, I know what you've gone through. I'm asking you to lay down the way in which that you've seen it, the way in which that you've experienced it, the way in which that you've defined it, and I'm asking you to hold on, pick it up, pick it up, believe by faith in me and what this process is going to do for you. You are going to experience a new level of love, a new level of maturity, a new level of intimacy with the Lord, a new level of understanding, a new level of liberation. You're going to enter into that, but you have to trust me. You gotta trust me. You have to be able to trust me. One of the things that's beautiful about what I've dealt with in regards to my own personal journey is that God didn't wait for me to have it all together before He drew closer to me. He met me in the middle of my transition, in the middle of me figuring out what all of this was supposed to look like. And there were times that I didn't have full prayers. There were times that I didn't have the words, I didn't have the strength, I didn't have full understanding of what I was feeling, but the Lord was still with me. And when I say God, that God was close, I don't mean that everything felt better overnight because it didn't, but I I do mean that he was present with me in the mud. He was there with me when I didn't understand what I was experiencing, and he was with me in the thick of things. When I was questioning God, why do I feel this way? Why am I this way? Why, why do, why does my life look like this? Why do I have to experience these things? He didn't leave me by myself. If anything, I felt the nearness of his presence so much more. I remember there was a particular time where I was traveling solo and I was in my hotel room and I just was broken, just broken. And I just kept yelling out to God, like, I don't understand why I'm like this. I don't understand why this is happening to me. And I just felt the presence of God in that hotel room with me. He was with me in the midst of my confusion and my disappointment, and in the moments where I felt completely alone. But that's what changed me. Not the figuring it out part, not the trying, me trying to get stronger on my own. It was the fact that the Lord was present with me in the middle of my process. And so let me encourage you by saying that you don't have to have it all together for the Lord to come near and draw near to you. You don't have to, matter of fact, it's in our brokenness and it's in our transition, it's in our surrendered state, it's in our giving up, right? That the Lord draws near to us, that he finds us. That that smell of desperation is one that the Lord that that that that attracts God

God Meets Us In The Middle

SPEAKER_00 41:28

because it's the it's the it's almost like the life alert that's just like, uh oh, she's ready for me now. She's ready, she's ready, she's ready. It's the it's the signal that says, okay, she's ready for me to step in. She's done, you know, with her own way, and she's ready for me to step in. And I just I I remember that so vividly. And having that space where I had that intimate encounter with God where He did not leave me, but He was so near to my brokenness, like it says in Psalm 34, that I really began to walk this thing out. And so I want to encourage you. I want to encourage you as you continue to embark on your becoming journey, that you don't get frustrated with the process, that you don't get disappointed with the process. Because process can, let me just throw this in here. Process can feel like I've made three steps forward, and then sometimes I've, you know, at one point I can take five steps back, right? Like it's not a linear thing. Healing is not linear. Healing comes in waves. Healing, you have great days or you have great moments, and then after you go, you have some setbacks. And that's just part of it. But we have to, we have to have faith. When we pick up this cross, we have to have faith. There are gonna be days where we walk forward and it's gonna be great, and then there's gonna be days where we stumble back. That's just part of it. We're not gonna give up because remember, the life that the Lord has designed for us is one that is prosperous, one that has victory attached to it. You are already victorious, matter of fact. You're already victorious, you already have victory. You're not striving for victory, you already have victory. You are already walking in victory, you are already victorious. Why? Because of what Christ did on the cross for you. So you already are standing from a place of victory. You've already done it. We just have to live it out. You've already done it, we've already done it. Why? Because God Jesus already achieved it, he's already done it for us, and so we just have to live it out. We just have to live it out. And so as we walk this thing out, as we continue through the This journey, as we continue in this process, as we continue to believe and have faith and trust in God, I just want to remind you that if you really want to continue this thing, remember what it says in Luke. You must give up your own way. You gotta take up your cross every single day. It's a daily decision, decision. It's a choice. And let me just throw this in here. I know I'm I'm trying to wrap this up, y'all. Let me just throw this in here because this is one of the things that I've learned as well. Is that indecision is still a decision. Choosing not to make a decision is still a decision. Choosing to stay still and saying, I don't know what to do, or I don't know which direction to go, or I don't know what to whatever, right? That's still a decision. Indecision is still a decision. So don't let indecision be your excuse for not being able to move forward. Don't let I don't know be your excuse. Right. Make the make a strong, 10 toes down, firm decision that pushes you toward the towards the cross, that pushes you towards Jesus, that pushes you to engage in faith, that pushes you to a level where you have to trust the Lord. Right? It's uncomfortable. That's part of it. It don't feel good. That's part of it. But we have to do it, right? We gotta do it. We wanna have, we have to have more. We have to want more for ourselves. I am choosing to no longer live this life. I am choosing to no longer to make these decisions. I am choosing to no longer to coddle my excuses. I am choosing to trust God. It may not look like a great thing today, but I'm going to trust him. It may not feel good in the moment, but I'm going to trust him. And because you trust him, and because God has never lied, like we talked about, he is faithful and he is good. He's going to show up for you. That is what you believe. Don't allow your actions to change your confession. Don't allow your decisions to change your confession. The confessions that you make in worship, the confessions that you say in prayer, the things that you say, Lord, you are faithful and you are good. The things that you say you believe, don't allow for your actions to take apart your confession. Walk this thing out. Be true to the decision that, you know what, I am going to stay on this path of being decided. I'm going to stay on this path of my becoming. Come hell or high water, no matter if it hurts, because I'm going to lose some people along the way, or because it hurts, because I have to lay down some of these mindsets that helped me through some really tough tough situations and through some tough seasons. It

Healing Is Not Linear

SPEAKER_00 47:12

don't matter. I am choosing God. I am choosing Jesus in this moment. And I'm going to wake up and I'm going to tell myself that Lord, I trust you. And I'm going to carry the burdens of my day in faith. And I am going to move in your direction. That's what I'm going to do. Because I am becoming a different version of myself that is whole, healed, and new in Jesus' name. Listen, I am so glad that we were able to talk about this today. I don't want you to give up. Don't give up, ladies. We got this. We got this. Our becoming the lady, the woman that we are becoming is right on the other side of our decided decision. Is right on the other side of sticking to what we said we were going to do. And so I believe that what God has for you is truly for you after you've made this decision. Make the decision every single day. Do it every single day. And partner up with some women who believe this thing with you and who are going to prayer, who are going to pray you through these tough things, right? Because we can do it. We can do it. So let's take a moment to pray. God, I thank you for your nearness even now. Thank you that you didn't wait for us to have it all together. You didn't wait for us to be strong. You met us right here where we are. And so, God, I thank you for every single person that's listening right now. You see them, you know them, and you know what they've been carrying, what they've been processing, the things that they don't even have words for. And God, I thank you that you are near to them right now. God, for the one who feels overlooked, for the one who feels unseen, for the one who feels like they're not enough, I pray that you remind them who they are in you. That you would quiet every single voice that has told them otherwise, that you would begin to heal the places in their heart that have been shaped by pain, rejection, misunderstanding, or any type of trauma. God, thank you that you don't ignore our brokenness, but you step into it. And I pray that even in this moment that you would, that we would sense your presence, that you're not distant, but actually you're real and you're give them the grace to stay in the process, the grace to keep going, the grace to not run back to what feels familiar, but to trust you in what you're doing in them. And Lord, we surrender. We surrender right now. We surrender our timelines, we surrender our expectations, we surrender our need for control for how things turn out. And God, we want to say that we trust you. We thank you that even in the stretching, even in the letting go, that you're not taking from us what you placed in us. So we hold on to that, Lord. We hold on to you. In Jesus' mighty name, we pray. Amen. This one was heavy, but a necessary one too. And it's my prayer that something in this episode met you right where you are. Whether you're in a season of feeling overlooked, whether you're in a season of becoming feels like dying, or whether you're trying to understand what God is trying to do in your life, I just want you to remember this: that you're not alone, that God is near. And this process is not here to destroy you. It's here to refine you. So don't quit, don't shut down, don't die under the weight of the pressure of process and sanctification. And even if it costs you something, know that the Lord's plans for you is that He wants to prosper you and not to harm you, but to give you a hope in the future. Listen, I am so excited for what God is doing through this community, through this podcast, and through our conversations together. Again, I hope that this is not the last episode that we have together and that season one will continue on to completion. I will be here, I'm still here, and I'm still committed to what God has placed in my life for me to birth through crowned and brave. I love you guys so much. Thank you for being here with me and for rocking with me and for growing with me. And as always, you are crowned and you are brave. And I'll talk to you guys soon. Peace.