The Somatic Desire Mapping to Reconnect with Your Libido & Fire Up Intimacy

Feeling numb below the waist? Your body isn't broken—it's protecting you. After decades of managing everyone else's needs, your nervous system has shut down the "pleasure center" to conserve energy. But here's what no one tells you: You can't think your way back to desire. You have to feel your way back.

In this episode, I'm revealing the exact science behind why "trying harder" to want sex is the fastest way to kill your libido—and the 5-minute Somatic Desire Mapping practice that moves you from frozen to feeling again.

What You'll Learn: 

• The Biological Brake: Why your nervous system literally blocks blood flow to your pelvis when it detects "threat" (yes, even if that threat is just your mental to-do list) 
• The Vagus-Sacral Bridge: The hidden connection between your throat, your gut, and your pelvic floor that controls your capacity for pleasure 
• The Desire Map: A gentle, body-led practice to locate where sensation lives in YOUR body (not where porn or romance novels say it should be)

This isn't about "fixing" you. This is about rewilding you. About remembering that your body knows exactly how to feel pleasure—it's just been waiting for the all-clear signal from your nervous system.

Ready to stop guessing and start feeling? Download the FREE Desire & Fire Reset in the show notes below. It includes the complete Somatic Desire Mapping practice from today's episode PLUS two bonus nervous system regulation techniques.

Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

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Contact Dr. Juls. - info@juliemerrimanphd.com

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Transcript

0:02

If you feel like a frozen version of the woman you used to be, it's not because you're aging, it's because your nervous system is in survival mode. Today I'm showing you how to haw the numbness and turn your desire back on from the inside out. Sexy after 50, improve sex and intimacy by healing your nervous system so you finally feel turned on and coughed in. Again, I'm Dr. Jules and we're waking up but never left desiring and fire. By the end of today's episode, you're going to know the biological break. Why trying harder to want sex is actually the fastest way to kill your libido. The vagus sacral bridge, the exact science of how your nervous system locks your pelvic floor behind a security gate and the desire map. A five minute somatic ritual to move from numb to noticing sensation before the credits roll. If you've been feeling like your body is a house, you're just visiting rather than living in. Stay with me. We're about to move you back in. So girl, let's have a glass of wine level, honest conversation. Most of you listing are high achieving, brilliant, capable women. You've got a PhD in getting things done. You've project managed careers, raised humans, and navigated the hormonal roller coaster of midlife like a pro. But right now you're trying to project manage your libido. You are lying there at 10:00 PM thinking if I just relax, if I just focus, if I just cooperate, and your body is essentially ghosting you, you feel numb, you feel dried up, you feel like you'd honestly rather fold the laundry or scroll through Zillow than have your partner touch you. And here's the truth. Oh, sweetness. You are not frigid. You are not old. You have simply achieved your way to nervous system freeze. You're trying to be sexy while your brain thinks there's a sniper in the business. You're trying to be sexy while your brain thinks there's a sniper in the bushes. No pun. And today we're going to prove that scientifically. So here's the research that shows you're not broken. We're gonna look at the data.'cause I know you value evidence. There's a concept. I'm sure you're familiar with it. It's called Polyvagal Theory, and it was developed by Dr. Steven POEs. And y'all, it explains your nervous system has three gears. Remember those stick shifts we used to drive in our teens? Oh, that took a lot to master those. And it's the same thing with our nervous system. But here's gear one, that's safety. That's your ventral vagal. And this is the only place where arousal is possible. Then there's gear two, we're gonna shift up. That's fight or flight. That's sympathetic. This is your overflowing inbox mode. And then one more shift to Gear three, and that shut down, also known as dorsal vagal. This is the numbness mode. Now, Dr. Lori Brodo at the University of British Columbia conducted a really interesting study. It's a landmark study actually on women with low desire. Now y'all, she didn't give'em pills. She gave them. Mindfulness and somatic awareness. The results a massive increase in desire and arousal. Not because they changed their hormones, but because they changed their relationship with their nervous system. And here's another study here from the great state of Texas. The University of Texas actually found that women's desire is inversely correlated with household workload. So the translation for this is that if you are doing all the emotional labor, your brain views sex as just another item on the to-do list, and who in the hell gets excited about a tooted and who in the hell gets excited about another to-do list? Your body is not broken. It is strategically protecting you from one more demand by numbing you out, and it's a survival mechanism. So we're gonna bridge the gap here between science and your soul. Your vagus nerve is the longest nerve in your body. It runs from your brain all the way down to your cervix. And pelvic floor. If you can imagine that this is the information superhighway of pleasure in energy work. We call this the sacral chakra, the center of your creativity and desire, and we are stressed. The vagus nerve sends a danger signal and your pelvic floor physically contracts. You look clinches. Think of a fist. And this makes it become a fortress. You cannot feel pleasure through a clenched fortress to get your libido back. We don't need a blue pill or a fancy lace teddy. We need to signal to the vagus nerve that the war is over so the fortress can become that yummy playground again. So I created this practice for you and I call it the Somatic Desire mapping. And if you're able, I want you to do this with me right now. If not, bookmark this, please come back. And if you're driving, sit and listen and come back to this bookmark. But if you are at home, folding laundry, doing the dishes, take a hot minute and sit down and do this for yourself. So step one is the grounding. That's the landing, if you will. You press your feet into the floor, you feel your sits bones on the chair, and you say out loud, I am safe to land. And this tells your brain that the tiger isn't real. Step two is the vu hum. That's the vibration that we need. So I want you to take a deep breath one. I want you to take a deep breath on the exhale. Make a low guttural v do that again. Really make it count. I need you to feel the vibration in your chest, in your belly. That vibration is a direct ping to your vagus nerve. It's like a software update for your soul. And then step three is approached with great curiosity. It's the actual desire mapping. So close your eyes and scan your body. Don't look for arousal per se. That's way too much pressure. Just look for sensation. Where do you feel? Loud, tight shoulder? Where do you feel quiet or numb? Maybe your hips. And now ask that numb spot. What do you need to feel safe? Maybe it needs a warm bath. Maybe it needs a heavy blanket. Maybe it just needs you to stop demanding it to perform for 20 minutes. This is not a one and done desire mapping y'all. You need to come back to this at least for seven days. We didn't get into this situation. Overnight and one practice is not gonna get you out of it, but a continued practice is going to start retraining your brain and building new neural pathways where you'll be open and fully yummy aroused when you want to be. Because when you're living in that clenched state, you're not gonna be able to orgasm, you're not gonna be able to lubricate it. Just everything is shut down because your body has been told it needs to survive. So all other energy has been wiped out. You've got to signal to that vagus nerve. I'm safe. And I'm not talking about safe. Someone's gonna punch you in the nose. It's safe. It's the, I'm gonna miss that deadline. Or What obligation did I miss? Or what am I forgetting that is just as detrimental to that vagus nerve. As someone threatening to punch you in the nose, your brain doesn't know the difference. So allowing yourself to UNC Unclench and practice this desire mapping practice is gonna do you a big favor. So today we took the mystery out of the numbness. You learn that your lost libido is actually just a frozen libido. You learn the science of the polyvagal theory, and this proves you are not broken, my friend. You're just a high achiever in a state of shutdown, and you've started with the thaw. With the vu hum and grounding all that desire mapping we just went through, you are a Phoenix woman. You are not fading away. You are rising, wiser, and more embodied than ever. So the summary of your new toolkit, stop Trying. Desire is a byproduct of safety, not effort. Vibrate the nerve. Use the vu breath to unlock the pelvic floor and map the body. Do that body scan, check in with your sensations multiple times a day without the goal of sex. We're gonna get there, right? But you gotta get your body in shape and. It's like building a new muscle. You've got to train that vagus nerve to, to unc Unclench. So if you're tired of being a stranger in your own skin, I want you to take the next step. I've got you goodie that I'll talk to you about in the outro, but it's in the, in the. I am Dr. Jules, and this is Sexy After 50 Stop Project, managing your pleasure and start living it. Is your body saying yes. This is what I've been needing to hear. Download the Desire and Fire reset while that spark is still flick. It's free and it's the exact nervous system practice that brings sex and intimacy back from shutdown. The link is in the show notes. Your fire never left. Let's wake it up.